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Update from Red Square
Once again, under the unwavering Party leadership, Commissar Maksim has reached an unparalleled success in advancing progress through visual agitation! This is not to say that other visual agitators on the People's Cube haven't reached an equally unparalleled success in covering this development.
I foresee a long a loyal friendship. What a wonderful story for our times! Media, the poor lost pooch, has found a home where he is a beloved lapdog... his loyalty will be rewarded - The Obama will feed him and cultivate an ever deepening relationship with Media, who will guard The Obama and his family from dangers such as the evil wily Fox. He will have fun on the extensive White House lawn, playing with the friendly squirrels who love to hide acorns and other nuts. And Obama and his staff will take turns playing with Media, when they need a break from the stress of their duties, playing fetch and throwing him bones. I wonder what Media will get for Christmas?
Dear Creative Comrade Maksim,
Congratulations! I believe Media is headed for syndication! Well done!
Congratulations, Maksim! For the umpteenth time since its inception, you have been awarded Pinkie's prestigious Beet of the Week Award!
Your mom should be receiving her new "My Child is Beet of the Week at The People's Cube.com" bumper sticker (that she can put over the old one) in approximately 6-8 weeks.
You also get a Bottle of Hope (Hope not included, must be purchased separately), and a non-transferable gift certificate to Pup's Pleasure Palace; but be advised he may be filing for bankruptcy shortly, because of the tanking economy and the costs he's racking up for his upcoming show trial. Should that be the case--unless he can get a government bailout--you may find the gift certificate won't be honored and you'll be stiffed--well, maybe you will be at that, but let's pick another phrase anyway--you'll be on the hook for the bill. Pinkie's Beet of the Week International Ltd and its subsidiaries is in no way responsible for any problems that ensue. You are likewise responsible for paying all taxes on your award. Taxes will be paid in money order only made out to Commissarka Pinkie Obama. Failure to do the patriotic thing by paying taxes may result in a denunciation/show trial/purge at your expense.
__________________________
Get more from your government! Visit http://www.change.gov to learn more about The One's exciting plans for community service and public works projects, and how you can become part of history sooner than you ever dreamed!
I've been thinking on potential public works and since I really really like the Hoover Dam, do you think you could talk to O-Hubbie, and see about building another one... Or maybe... I dunno... another Panama Canal.. no... no I don't like that idea... maybe something along the Mississippi somewhere... I mean, lake Ponchatrain is pretty cool, and lakes are nice, right?... I think there could be another lake in the general vicinity... or a bunch of new levies... a New New Orleans... There could be New Orleans and New New Orleans... I think this make perfect sense...
... but whatever... I'd really love another Hoover Dam cause the first one is really neat...
Do you think that you could train the lapdog to agitate for me? Sister wants another Hoover Dam. I saw it four months ago and it's wonderful. But I want one in the West Texas Desert. There's no water here, of course, so we'll have to provide that, but I'm worth it because I'm entitled.
In fact, I'm so entitled that I don't think that I should ever have to watch what I eat. Let's get his O'liness to work on that one too.
And do you think that I should take out a mortgage on my house so I won't have to pay it?
Thanks everyone. Receiving the Beet of the Week award is always an ego stroke humbling, but the Bottle of Hope is more than I deserve, however I will accept it, for The Children™ of course. I better stop before I begin to channel Sally Field again.
Because of a prolonged election hangover/depression, I haven’t been diligent in keeping Cube current, so I’ve missed a few things, like the Bottle of Hope. I find this and other items (such as the Obama train set) simultaneously hilarious and disturbing. Are large numbers of people actually buying this crap? I’m a massive Reagan fan and other than a few books the only object I own honoring him is an unopened bottle of Ronald Reagan beer (from a local brewery 80's era) which I received as a gift. I’m perplexed.
Congratulations on the appointment of the Obamessiah's lapdog...err... I mean devoted canine companion. I do wonder what the Marshal would say about the retraining of all dogs to become lapdogs though. There are other progressive duties that dogs perform besides licking butts and playing softball. I'm sure the Pup will insist that this "Fairness Dog Train" should be directly connected to the gravy train! LOL
During the terms of the Esteemed Bill Clinton there were some female media lapdogs who openly said they'd like the presidential bone.
But Gennifer Flowers said in her Penthouse interview, "Bill Clinton has a small penis and his wife has fat ankles and they'll just have to get over each others' imperfections."
Are we now going to compare the size of bones thrown to the media?
Thanks everyone. Receiving the Beet of the Week award is always an ego stroke humbling, but the Bottle of Hope is more than I deserve, however I will accept it, for The Children™ of course. I better stop before I begin to channel Sally Field again.
Because of a prolonged election hangover/depression, I haven’t been diligent in keeping Cube current, so I’ve missed a few things, like the Bottle of Hope. I find this and other items (such as the Obama train set) simultaneously hilarious and disturbing. Are large numbers of people actually buying this crap? I’m a massive Reagan fan and other than a few books the only object I own honoring him is an unopened bottle of Ronald Reagan beer (from a local brewery 80's era) which I received as a gift. I’m perplexed.
Maksim, you are perplexed because this is unprecedented for a U.S. President. I've lived under nine of them and remember nothing like this. If they did this for every President, it would be normal. In England they do it for all milestones (except death) for all members of the royal family, not just the Queen, so IMVHO, that's normal for them. (And BTW, romantic soul that I am, I do own a few collectibles related to royal weddings, but got them in England, never seen them for sale in the U.S.) Princess Diana's death was a deviation from the norm; they sold collectibles commemorating her death right here in the U.S., but I've never seen any collectibles "commemorating" the deaths of the Queen Mother (who lived past 100) or Princess Margaret, who have both died since Diana.
Otherwise, this is in the same class as all the Elvis memorabilia (a testament to Obama's "substance") which I don't see so much of anymore, perhaps because (a) the generation that worships him is my mother's generation, which is slowly starting to pass away, and (b) to some extent I think he was supplanted by Diana's death. It's been over 10 years since then, and they're ready for something new to make an easy buck, hence the avalanche of tacky Obama stuff.
As to whether people actually buy this crap, that's a good question considering the people they're marketing to are the same people who've been told for the past year that they're hurting because of the economy and job losses, that they're having to choose between gas and meds, that they have to go to food pantries now and rely on charities to give their kids Christmas toys, and it's not their fault they bought homes and cars they couldn't afford.
But even if no one is buying, the fact remains these entrepreneurs are putting this stuff out there, selling an idea, an illusion, as part of a greater attempt to manufacture the cult of personality needed to lead the stupid and weak down the path to benevolent dictatorship.
Those of us here are already smart enough to see that, and that's a start, a big leap in the right direction. Now we just need to beef ourselves up for the strength to fight it.
[off]Pinkie, you're right; it is a cult of personality and there's no question about it.
The entire culture of entitlement and self-esteem is meant to make people servile to the people who pass out the rewards which are unlinked from the actions of the people who get them.
Slavery is bad not because the word is in bad odor but because slavery means the loss of agency. When actions have consequences people are in charge of themselves. Bad behavior rewarded with forgiveness--using babies as a welfare check for example--means people are dependent on others.
Kudos on Episode I of Media. I look forward to Episode II.
Commissarka Pinkie O was right on with;"Those of us here are already smart enough to see that, and that's a start, a big leap in the right direction. Now we just need to beef ourselves up for the strength to fight it."
As an innocent babe raised by reactionaries and not by the omniscient compassionate State, I bear scars in many forms, one of which is a repertoire of reactionary mnemonic musical indoctrination. Kids' songs, if you like. One in particular was effective in making me falsely associate a price to objects that are and must be free. It went something like this:
"How much is that doggy in the window?
The one with the waggily tail?"
In the context of this thread, I am fighting my reactionary demons, comrades.
Perhaps that was why his O'liness deliberately turned off all the fraud protection in the credit-card giving. Because it's the thought that counts, not matching the name with the number.
I still find it stunningly ironic that the first African American president stands poised to place slave shackles on more people than even Simon LeGree's imagination could conjure.
Isn't Laika the Peoples Dog? As such, wouldn't Laika be the First Dog?
Comrade Elliott,
A very good point, but as The One's children will not attend attend the People's Schools, I suspect The One will also pass on the People's Dog but not the People's Money.
Then again, maybe The One could negotiate, without preconditions, the sharing of Iranian President Ahmadinejad's canine, "Atomic Dog." If it glows at night, the Obama children won't need nightlights, which will save energy costs and the environment. It's a win-win!
As the video below indicates, the "Atomic Dog" comes with new and improved '80s booty! With a couple of quarters, it can rock your world even without a uranium-enriching-spinning-thingy.
I still find it stunningly ironic that the first African American president stands poised to place slave shackles on more people than even Simon LeGree's imagination could conjure.
Ah, Brain in a Jar, that's how Jesse Jackson got his money, telling people that they were helpless without him, and then he sneered at his O'liness, "He ain't run anything but his mouth." And other things.
I live on the border and the people meanest to the Mexicans are...the Mexicans. It is not a racial fault but the desire of the con man to use any connection possible.
What I find most interesting is the Progressives and near-Progressives who have decided that this is a way to feel good and to seem to be doing good without the trouble of looking at things.
Life imitates art. At the top of this page was the banner
It also says that his O'liness' IQ is 125, which just ain't so. Either he's a puppet and dumb as a bag of hammers not to know about Rezko and the others, or he's smarter than that and in it up to his well-manicured elbows.
Life imitates art. At the top of this page was the banner
It also says that his O'liness' IQ is 125, which just ain't so. Either he's a puppet and dumb as a bag of hammers not to know about Rezko and the others, or he's smarter than that and in it up to his well-manicured elbows.
I wonder if this gig works from jail cells; maybe Rezko and Blago could work it.
Supposedly Einstein had an (estimated) IQ of 207; that's why he stayed out of Chicago and let Fermi build the atomic pile there instead. Obama is not Lincoln, he's Einstein!
I wonder if this gig works from jail cells; maybe Rezko and Blago could work it.
Comrade Opiate of the People,
I think Chicago itself, as a collective whole, is a jail cell of sorts, especially in those "community organized" areas. But I have never been to Springfield, IL. Perhaps I would see no difference. I expect everyone in state government in Springfield is from Chicago or moves there.
I still find it stunningly ironic that the first African American president stands poised to place slave shackles on more people than even Simon LeGree's imagination could conjure.
Ah, Brain in a Jar, that's how Jesse Jackson got his money, telling people that they were helpless without him, and then he sneered at his O'liness, "He ain't run anything but his mouth." And other things.
I live on the border and the people meanest to the Mexicans are...the Mexicans. It is not a racial fault but the desire of the con man to use any connection possible.
What I find most interesting is the Progressives and near-Progressives who have decided that this is a way to feel good and to seem to be doing good without the trouble of looking at things.
Ah. Such a labor-saving device.
The best way to keep the voters for the democrats is to keep races divided amongst themselves, even if it's the same people of a race against each other.
A good friend of mine once said "The worst thing the white man ever did for the black man was not slavery, but welfare."
I wonder if this gig works from jail cells; maybe Rezko and Blago could work it.
Comrade Opiate of the People,
I think Chicago itself, as a collective whole, is a jail cell of sorts, especially in those "community organized" areas. But I have never been to Springfield, IL. Perhaps I would see no difference. I expect everyone in state government in Springfield is from Chicago or moves there.
Yes, perhaps you are on to something, comrade! I recall an old movie where Manhattan Island (or "Personhattan" to use a more gender-neutral term) had been turned into one large prison largely run by the inmates. Perhaps that is the patriotic progressive future of Chicago... the world's first combination giant collective and penitentiary. Thank (someone) that Obama escaped with his incorruptibility in tact. Now, round up the proles, let us start digging the moat around the city before any more of the natives escape...
Many years ago I had the privilege to be driven past the Cook County Jail. For me, it is most notable for the visible bullet holes (well, marks) on its exterior, which my host pointed out. I think that says quite a lot about the county seat, Chicago.
I will visit Chicago, but hell if I'd ever live there. Better to dig coal in WV or KY. Not only is it safer and healthier, it's more heroic. Er, was, until Green became the new Red.
Also, you guys need to use the approved terms, it's no longer the fairness doctrine. It's now called balancing media ownership and stopping hate radio. Please keep updated on the progressive newspeak!
I hope the media lapdog was not actually digging its own grave. It did such an amazing job putting even Pravda or the eastern block media in the days of yore to shame.
A good friend of mine once said "The worst thing the white man ever did for the black man was not slavery, but welfare."
Slavery and welfare are totally and utterly unrelated, comrade. Yep. Unrelated. Slavery is when the state reinforces the absolute physical control of one man over another; welfare is when the state reinforces the absolute economic control of one man over another. These are different things. Learn to see four fingers, comrade.
I am being new here and have returned from gulag after many years, I have question, what is Obama? Is good for party? I go to gulag for not being party. Camp gulag counselors tell me I am now good for party. I have shovel. I only want potato or beet, and I will shovel many times.
What is media lap dog? Is obama man? Is good place here? I have strong shovel and strong back.
I am being new here and have returned from gulag after many years, I have question, what is Obama? Is good for party? I go to gulag for not being party. Camp gulag counselors tell me I am now good for party. I have shovel. I only want potato or beet, and I will shovel many times.
What is media lap dog? Is obama man? Is good place here? I have strong shovel and strong back.
Whoops! It appears Media has crapped on Rahm's front lawn!
Emanuel: I'm Getting Death Threats Over Blagojevich Scandal
Obama's Chief of Staff Delayed Going to Work Because of Media Stakeout
http://preview.tinyurl.com/6q8mop
Quote
Back at his home, Emanuel appeared "beet-red," according to an ABC News cameraman who was invited inside by Emanuel to use his bathroom this morning.
"I'm getting regular death threats. You've put my home address on national television. I'm pissed at the networks. You've intruded too much, " Emanuel said, according to the cameraman.
A good friend of mine once said "The worst thing the white man ever did for the black man was not slavery, but welfare."
Slavery and welfare are totally and utterly unrelated, comrade. Yep. Unrelated. Slavery is when the state reinforces the absolute physical control of one man over another; welfare is when the state reinforces the absolute economic control of one man over another. These are different things. Learn to see four fingers, comrade.
(off)
Oops, I forgot the (off) before I started, but I know you know what I mean.
I am being new here and have returned from gulag after many years, I have question, what is Obama? Is good for party? I go to gulag for not being party. Camp gulag counselors tell me I am now good for party. I have shovel. I only want potato or beet, and I will shovel many times.
What is media lap dog? Is obama man? Is good place here? I have strong shovel and strong back.
Truly comrades, this is a glorious comic done in praise of our progressive people's allies in the propaganda- I mean, 'news media' corporations. Let us thank them for their part in creating the coming socialist utopia, before the people decide to 'thank' us far more... vigorously.
[Off]
Man, dead on, dude! Nailed it right on the head.
Then again, maybe The One could negotiate, without preconditions, the sharing of Iranian President Ahmadinejad's canine, "Atomic Dog." If it glows at night, the Obama children won't need nightlights, which will save energy costs and the environment. It's a win-win!
As the video below indicates, the "Atomic Dog" comes with new and improved '80s booty! With a couple of quarters, it can rock your world even without a uranium-enriching-spinning-thingy.
It was terrible to see so many people suffering from psoriasis and no way to itch. With all that energy we should hand them shovels they can dig to your part of the world Comrade T.
I am being new here and have returned from gulag after many years, I have question, what is Obama? Is good for party? I go to gulag for not being party. Camp gulag counselors tell me I am now good for party. I have shovel. I only want potato or beet, and I will shovel many times.
What is media lap dog? Is obama man? Is good place here? I have strong shovel and strong back.
Da! That is good, but do you also have strong stomach for what comes next. After Pipples bail out Capitalist venture mongers Ford, Chrysler, and GM there will be Bail Out of Drive In Theaters and going out of business Capitalist Pig Merchants.
You thought Woolworths was gone.
Vice President-elect Joe Biden is getting this German Shepherd puppy when he moves to Washington in January.
(CNN) – While the country is fixated on what kind of dog President-elect Barack Obama’s family will get when they move into the White House, his Vice President-elect Joe Biden quietly picked out a puppy of his own last week.
Biden’s wife, Jill, promised the future VP a dog if he and Obama got elected. Biden found the as-yet-unnamed pup, a three-month old male German Shepherd, in a breeder’s kennel in southeastern Pennsylvania, the area’s Daily Local News reports.
Biden revealed his wife’s pledge on Election Day, telling reporters flying with him to Chicago that she had first promised him a dog if he was elected president, and when his primary bid failed, if he was elected vice president. Mrs. Biden even taped pictures of dogs on the seatback in front of Biden on the plane, according to the report.
Got to admit it, the future VP has good taste in dogs! His wife said that he was going to let his grandchildren name the pup when he arrives in January.
fixing some treats for Media & Laika,
Che' Gourmet
Che, when when you fix the treats please be sure to make them of the birds that Pupovich trained to do the talent shitting at Rancho de Rio Grande.
After all, nastiness will be in the very meat which will add to the sapor of the treats for Media and the Biden Dog. The four-legged Biden Dog.
Theocritus, how does that contest work, exactly?
On another note, I can't wait for some elected official to adopt an edible beast for their White House mascot: goat or chicken, maybe Chihuahua or cow. That would be cool; the presidential cow. Ah, good times!
As usual, I am late for the party..... just wanted to add a big ole bolshevik KUDOS to Commissar Maksim! and the creative collective that have brought to the Proletariat this marvelous "based-on-true-life" saga.
However, perhaps if the storyline will allow, in a future episode Media should have a vat of toxic chemicals spilled on it and the looks of the character could be changed.... the following link should provide some inspiration for a more appropriate re-drawing of the heinous creature called "Media"
Dear Doctor. Have you forgotten Our Many Titted Empress?
Also, talent shitting is something coined by Dear Marshall Pupovich and I denounced him.
I personally think that talent shitting ought to be expanded. For example, Media the Lapdog has spent eight years talent shitting on the execrable Bu$hitler. Michael Moore is very good at talent shitting on truth. Dan Rather is in effect good at talent shitting on reality but that is not by design but by talent. Which is almost tautological, isn't it?
Perhaps there ought to be two sorts of talent shitting: talent shitting which is entirely by talent, such as Dan Rather and perhaps Frank Rich, and talent shitting which is the result of great effort, like Al Franken. But in the later case how can one tell the dancer from the dance?
I just want you to know that I wanted you to have top billing on this. I wanted you to have your name in big red glowing, blinking letters above and below the title, and also credit you as Executive Producer. And as for the e-mail, we don't have your e-mail, O Great and Terribly Wonderful, Wondrous General Secretary, so I suggested that we send you a personal massage--I mean messenger--in the very shapely form of the current Playmate of the Month to inform you that the comic was about to be unleashed, but they all said no, instead THEY wanted the POTM for themselves and they said you could bloody well (their words, not mine) have this:
Then I said, "Well, at the very least, let me award the General Secretary with Beet of the Week," and that's when they made me an offer I couldn't refuse. They said I had to give it to Maksim or I'd wake up to find a horse's ass in my bed. To which I replied, "So what? I wake up next to those all the time. They line up outside my hovel every Friday night."
So what's one more? Therefore I will give you this:
Plus you'll get the Bottle of Hope, the bumpersticker, and the coupons to Pup's Pleasure Palace; but as for the parking space, Pupovich still has his vehicle there and you may have to tow it at your own expense if you wish to use the space during your reign as Beet of the Week.
Anything else we can do to appease you, General Secretary? How about some Pinkie pink Pepto-Bismol?
Oh, and by the way, General Secretary, shall I take my shovel and whack Abecedarius Rex into dinoguts, or would you rather vaporize him with the laser beams from your most excellent eyes?
Oh, and by the way, General Secretary, shall I take my shovel and whack Abecedarius Rex into dinoguts, or would you rather vaporize him with the laser beams from your most excellent eyes?
Oh, and by the way, General Secretary, shall I take my shovel and whack Abecedarius Rex into dinoguts, or would you rather vaporize him with the laser beams from your most excellent eyes?
NOT IN THE FACE!
Not to worry, Rex--it's not your face where he'll be aiming.
fixing some treats for Media & Laika,
Che' Gourmet
Medium Filet Mignon for Media.
I like mine with a little "Moo" left in it.
Caspian caviar of course, as an appetizer.
The Pig(abuser) has sniffed out a few truffles too.
Damn cataracts...Is that a Doublemime Chewing Gum advertisement I see above this post?
fixing some treats for Media & Laika,
Che' Gourmet
Medium Filet Mignon for Media.
I like mine with a little "Moo" left in it.
Caspian caviar of course, as an appetizer.
The Pig(abuser) has sniffed out a few truffles too.
Damn cataracts...Is that a Doublemime Chewing Gum advertisement I see above this post?
Looks like one has his mouthful.
To Hero Space Dog, Laika,
I'm on it, although I'm not sure about the Caspian caviar. Putin has a lock on that, but I'll scrounge around for some Beluga, if that is acceptable? BTW My truffle sauce is to die for!
Boy do I miss Wolfgang......where the hell did I put that caviar???? Ahh...there it is... Russian Beluga
Che' Gourmet
PS Don't tell anyone about this. You can only sell beluga caviar in California,... (legally). Like I care about regulations...HA!HA!
PSS Commissar Theocritis - I haven't forgotten about the pigeons, I'm working on that.
I'm on it, although I'm not sure about the Caspian caviar. Putin has a lock on that, but I'll scrounge around for some Beluga, if that is acceptable? BTW My truffle sauce is to die for!
Boy do I miss Wolfgang......where the hell did I put that caviar???? Ahh...there it is... Russian Beluga
PSS Commissar Theocritis - I haven't forgotten about the pigeons, I'm working on that.
Could I please have my helping of fish eggs without so much pigeon shit in it? Thanks a bunch.
Rex, that's not pigeon shit. That's grackle shit. Pigeons bill and coo. Grackles sound like jackhammers fucking, which is why Pupovich trained them to bomb my Rancho.
And yes, Pinkie, ass face does look like ass face. Which one came first? Both emit noxious fumes.
And, General Secretary, once you are through at the Pup's Pleasure Palace, I invite you over to Rancho de Rio Grande. I have a special room just for you. I built it to accommodate Our Many Titted Empress and her coterie of hangers-on, sycophants and latex sex toys. Which are pretty much indistinguishable one from the other.
And so you will have the honor of the full presence of Our Many Titted Empress, I have not sluiced it down.
This is of course to recompense you for something which may or may not have been stolen which you may or may not have had anything to do with.
And by the way, Che, I've never had Beluga but at the Driskill Grill in Austin I did have Sevruga. Why spoil it with eggs and capers and onion? It stands on its own. But I only did this in research. It is evil to deprive a fish of its eggs. After all, Astrid Lindgren, the author of Pippi Longstocking, said that all animals have the right to choose their own mates. We should not eat the fish eggs. We should give the fish knitting needles.
Someone say I get free potato from obama man, no more shoveling. What is talent shitting, is funny thing? What is caviar, is frog egg? Maybe I think gulag not so bad place. I shovel many times and at end of day I get potato maybe beet or carrot. Will obama man give me beet or potato without much shoveling? Maybe is best for free potato.
And, Gulag Man, if you don't shovel with a smile on your face, glad to do your all for the people (remember Boxer in Animal Farm), you'll get the same fate as Boxer in Animal Farm. Except that we don't use the knackers. We use proles for medical experiments.
And, Gulag Man, if you don't shovel with a smile on your face, glad to do your all for the people (remember Boxer in Animal Farm), you'll get the same fate as Boxer in Animal Farm. Except that we don't use the knackers. We use proles for medical experiments.
Rex, I have a sideline in my JiffyLobo(tomy). Since the prole who sacrifices his prefrontal lobes for the Common Good™ will also be unable to control his base instincts, we do not want him doing indiscriminate breeding. For if he's at JiffyLobo, he has genes that we do not want propagated.
Therefore making what the Arabs call a "clean eunuch" is in order.
The scrota, tanned, will be sold as change purses. And the Wee Willie Winkie sitting on top will be donated to Che Gourmet to make into forcemeat to stuff hummingbirds.
First, that was a wonderful work Comrade Maksim did for the Party as I know we all agree, and his earning the Beet of the Week and Bottle of Hope well deserved. As for the free pass to the Pup's Pleasure Party House, I had passed that responsibility on to Commissar.... er.... Commissar....let me think, any hoo, it was after I was moved to Marshal. Now it appears I may have to reclaim this.
Comrades, I must say this about the Media dog, be careful. Yes, I know the Media dog looks wonderful now, and as you know, I am a dog's best friend. I am a bit surprised however that the Obama chose a dog instead of a cat. After all, a cat is more representative of one with no original thought, all fluff and stuff, a duplicitous creature beyond compare. So my gut instinct, which is never wrong, tells me he chose a dog to give his image more gravitas. The Obama is very light in this area and a good dog will help hiere. However, even the Obama best be careful with his dealings with the Media dog breed. While the media dog was bred to serve their progressive masters, even they have been known to bite the hand that fed them if abused or if they see it in their best interest. Think not? Grant it, while not quite as bloodthirsty as they are with a rethuglican in office, the media dogs did have a history of attacking Clinton after he was caught with his pants down, Carter for defending himself from killer rabbits, his failure to rescue the guests of the friendly Iranian govt, and his general failure. Then there was LBJ, oh how did those media dogs ravage him in time. I could go on, but suffice it to say that the media dogs would not have been as brutal on the Bushitler had he not insulted them and the Washington elite by his refusal to play their doggie games with Washington society, not even attempting to meet them halfway by attending all their society requisites.
As for me and my doghouse, Comrade Space Hero Laika will remain #1 Party Dog.
I am sure to have more, but that is enough for now. Carry on Comrades....
Marshal, you deliberately persist in misunderstanding cats. When a cat doesn't like you it goes away. When a dog doesn't like you it tries to bite you. When a dog likes you it tries to hunch your leg. And it's hell to housebreak. And it stinks.
Estimable Margaret wrote
Or, the Wee Willie Winkie could be tanned and made into an Obama finger puppet.
I'm thinking they might have to be children's fingers. But also I'm planning to do a land-office business in JifiLobo. In fact I'm thinking of instituting a rule that anyone who hasn't had the Beet of the Week award in the last year, excepting of course for a few party apparatchiki, might have to go to JifiLobo.
This means that even His O'liness with even his fast hand work won't have enough fingers for all the puppets.
Pour encourages les autres, of course, pour encourager les autres.
This means that even His O'liness with even his fast hand work won't have enough fingers for all the puppets.
It's funny, at the Halliburton estate Uncle $$ can't bring himself to use bad words in front of children so when little ones are around he just calls Obama "that bastard" instead.
And, Gulag Man, if you don't shovel with a smile on your face, glad to do your all for the people (remember Boxer in Animal Farm), you'll get the same fate as Boxer in Animal Farm. Except that we don't use the knackers. We use proles for medical experiments.
...and chocolate salty munchy balls!
...and I hear Comrade Jackson has a new deal right now: A whole sack of chocolate salty munchy balls for only $9.99!
Margaret wrote
Commissar Theocritus wrote
And the Wee WillieWinkie sitting on top will be donated to Che Gourmet to make intoforcemeat to stuff hummingbirds.
Or, the Wee Willie Winkie could be tanned and made into an Obama finger puppet.
Marshal, you deliberately persist in misunderstanding cats. When a cat doesn't like you it goes away.
Oh? Then how do you explain those other catbeasts that hang around outside? Even after months of my determined efforts to run them off. That is their other skill.... talent annoying. No Commissar, it is not like I do not have experience with the cat beast. Perhaps one day I will share the story of how I actually tried to bring one home out of the goodness of my heart, and what happened.
Will the "lapdog" hump Obama's leg like Cris Mathews or Keith Olberman? Will the "lapdog" hump the legs of visitors to the White House, like Bill Clinton? I suppose Obama could choose a neutered "lapdog" like Hillary Clinton. "Lapdogs" like Hillary like chewing the carpet, so to speak! This would allow Michelle to blame the "lapdog" when she redecorates!
Though it's message is well conveyed the images of the strip are too crisp for the medium of computer monitors thus producing a compromised visual esthetic. It needs some gaussian blur.
Such a useful term. That's what Bruno called Our Many Titted Empress and Janet Reno passed out on the floor after I put a comforter on each of them.
And speaking in tongues? Mais oui! Ja Wohl! No shit, Sherlock! Actually my native language is SNOBOL and I have been generated by a cross compiler written in RATFOR. The French--she is a virus.
La français, c'est une fucking virus. It's been proven that you cannot prove if a program will end. Therefore it follows that you cannot prove that at some time you will not spit forth green split-pea soup and start rasping out, "Tu matre suquet coques en l'inferne."
Such a useful term. That's what Bruno called Our Many Titted Empress and Janet Reno passed out on the floor after I put a comforter on each of them.
And they let him live?
Commissar Theocritus wrote
And speaking in tongues? Mais oui! Ja Wohl! No shit, Sherlock! Actually my native language is SNOBOL and I have been generated by a cross compiler written in RATFOR. The French--she is a virus.
No ALGOL or JOVIAL ?
//off
Back in 1999, I was asked by an I.T. recruiter if I knew anyone who knew how to program in either ALGOL or JOVIAL. The FAA needed to have someone certified some code for Y2K. Perhaps the concept of rewriting that software into something more ..... modern ..... had not occurred to them.
Zampolit, I hear that the FCC has flight-control computers which still use vacuum tubes. Which is a good thing for they are still being made in the motherland, aren't they? But ALGOL, being one of the first of the procedural languages, ought to be a step BACK for a modern programmer. We wrote student compilers for ALGOL.
And our Many Titted Empress and Janet did not hear Bruno make his crack. They thought they did but I convinced them that they were passed out on particularly good Republican Virgin White Girls' blood and that Bruno was talking about breakfast in the morning. And that Bruno is an idiot. Whatever. It worked.
Knowing the government, the FAA probably has data that it still has to access that is stored on either paper tape or steel tape. And they have probably hoarded the last remaining supply of punch cards. How do they keep those IBM 29's running?
Vacuum tubes from the motherland? You bet! Whatever it takes to keep those IBM 360 Model 40's running!!!
La français, c'est une fucking virus. It's been proven that you cannot prove if a program will end. Therefore it follows that you cannot prove that at some time you will not spit forth green split-pea soup and start rasping out, "Tu matre suquet coques en l'inferne."
One thing I don't understand about the Obama-daughters-puppy cabal:
So His Hopefulness said at his victory speech to his daughters, "And you have earned the new puppy that's coming with us to the new White House. ..."
so does that mean if he'd lost, he would blame them? And maybe take away their other pets? "Damn it kids, I TOLD you to focus more on the economy....!!"
And yes, he'd blame his children. After all, the definition of a liberal is that it's not his fault. He orders the sun to rise in the west and it doesn't, and it's not his fault. He orders the laws of physics to be altered and they ignore him, and it's not his fault.
cmblake6, to become a good progressive, you only have to remember one important thing: pitch a fit. Reality bites. Scream a lot. Act like a child. Why not? After all, it's in your power to change reality, and you need lots of power to do that because you cannot stand being subjected to responsibility.
A good progressive believes in responsibility--but not in cause and effect. I say like whales. And so it's the responsibility of others not to harm the whales. I for example like the spotted owl. So I drive an iron stake into a tree causing loggers' saws to glance off and maybe take off an arm. See? The logger is responsible. I'm not.
Never forget that actions and consequences must never be linked. That way we get the power of saying what happens. If people knew that actions had consequences then they could order their own lives, and that just won't do.
January 17, 2009
Obama's search for a dog
Thomas Lifson Those wags at The People's Cube have found the answer for Obama's quest for the right dog. It turns out he already has one. Presented in cartoon format so even the Obama base can understand it. If nothing else, the Obama years promise a golden age of polticial satire.
Introducing: "The Adventures of Media- Lapdog For Obama"
The People's Cube is rolling out a new comic strip--
"The Adventures of Media Lapdog For Obama"
--What a good little doggy. He's so cute.
Will Media be the lucky doggie chosen by Obama?
Will Media get to lick his master for the next four years in the White House?
You'll have to go to the People's Cube to find out the rest.
The uncontested absurdities of today are the accepted slogans
of tomorrow. They come to be accepted by degrees, by precedent,
by implication, by erosion, by default, by dint of constant
pressure on one side and constant retreat on the other -
until the day when they are suddenly declared to be the country's
official ideology. ~ Ayn Rand
Write down this number and report to your Kommissar at the nearest railroad station.
Don't forget warm clothes and a shovel!
NY Times, Newsweek offer editorial inoculations to concerned readers of Sarah Palin's book
Going Rogue: FEMA braces for massive outbreaks of Palin Derangement Syndrome
Following Fort Hood tragedy, Obama declares all military bases gun-free zones
Pelosi: we won.
Philies: so did we
Study: Global Warming linked to consumption of beans and beef patties
Pro-Obama gamers discover 'cheat codes' in U.S. Constitution
Police trained in using end of life counselingtechniques to negotiate suicide threats
Obama commits more troops to War on Fox News, still awaiting Afghan troop surge
Pass Rush: NFL okays Fidel Castro's bid to buy Miami Dolphins
Study: the road to hell paved with Nobel Peace Prizes
Obama wins Nobel Peace Prize. Wishing all our readers a Happy April First!
Roman Polanski named new School Safety Czar in wake of Jennings scandal
Charles Manson: 'Leave Polanski alone, hasn't he suffered enough?'
Obama loses Olympic bid, will try for Special Olympics next
Carter: if the IOC doesn't give the Olympics to Chicago, they're racists
Saudis: the word 'assassina- tion' will never be the same
Al Qaeda: 'We shove bombs up our butts'
Richard Gere denies Al Qaeda membership
Experts: assassin hid bomb in anal cavity adjacent to brain
Study: 90% of G20 protestors driven to Pittsburgh by mom
Ahmadinejad: Iran needs enriched uranium to purchase large IKEA sofa
Obama: If we don't bomb Iran now, we'll never pass healthcare reform
Taliban hires DC lobbyist in effort to get Obama's attention
Missile defense: Czechs angry at Obama for being canceled
Media study: Caucasian toddlers are more likely to cut eye-holes into "blankies"
Democrat strategist: 9 out of 10 white infants prefer cross burning over mother's milk
Mahmoud’s Liquidation Warehouse: 50% off Israel - this weekend only - it won’t last long
Obama: Black kids still forced to beat people up at back
of bus
Charlie Gibson: Neil Armstrong went where?
Obamacare, it’s finger-licking good!
Ben and Jerry release 'Hate Monger Bigot' flavor to celebrate those who support traditional marriage
'Shiver me Timbers!': Somalia unveils People's Institute for Redistribution, Adventurism & Thalassic Extortion (PIRATE)
Energy Czar: to save energy, the light at the end of the tunnel will be turned off
Other 49 states impose carbon tax on California due to wildfire smoke
Following Scotland's lead, US Justice Dept releases Charles Manson, citing battle with chronic hemorrhoids
Obama to media: Please respect our girls' privacy, especially Mr. Letterman
Teachable moment: Obama to hold 'beer summit' between offended Post Office and UPS
Taliban sends protesters to Afghan town hall meetings in attempt to get Obama administration to withdraw Gotham villains working for the Common Good™
White House recalibrates description of town hall protesters from 'terrorists' to 'man-made Nazi fascist pigs'
Experts: when buying Astroturf, remember to look for the Union LabelNational-socialist health care?
Drudge insulates self from White House anger by naming his site MoveOn.Drudge
ABC greenlights epic 12-part miniseries based on Beer Summit
Moveon.org petitions Dems to leave Bush/Cheney alone and 'move on to pressing issues facing the nation'
Palin: Critics ipso facto are quitters
Honduran ex-president Zelaya holds press- conference, presents birth certificate for examination
Cambridge: fighting racial bias, Obama picks black scholar Henry Louis Gates as Door Jigging Czar
Obama: white cop acted like inexperienced rookie, but being one I may be biased
On the international front: Obama brings back Cold War, switches sides
Signs of recovery: WH study finds number of searches for 'economic depression' on Google lower than it could have been under FDR
Obama inherited broken teleprompter from George W Bush
Zelaya: we support the democratically-elected President of the USA, even though he has strongly opposed American policies
Eco group 'Earth First' protests burying non- biodegradeable body of Michael Jackson under the ground
Study: Media orgasm over Michael Jackson's death oddly appropriate
SPONSORED BY:
Secretary of the Interior vows to turn Neverland Ranch into 'King of Pop' National Monument
Riots in Iran: Obama invokes Starfleet Prime Directive - non-interference with social development of native planet even at the cost of own life
Obama hurts a fly, forgets to read Miranda rights
ACLU: fly murder by slapping unconstitutional
Obama mistakes Inspector General for a private CEO, orders him to resign
DHS simplifies procedures, cuts learning curve, renames all terrorism 'right-wing'
Earth may collide with Venus in 3.5 billion years. We must act NOW!!!
CBS study: statutory rape jokes not as hilarious as previously thought
White House tree commits suicide over economic policy
Obama: 'I inherited this tree from George W. Bush'
Obama to economy: 'make like a tree and collapse'
In Cairo, Obama promotes shovel-ready projects for Muslim communities
Obama's comment linking Islam to algebra sets off anti-Islam riots in US inner-city schools
Keith Olbermann rises to #1 on Larry Craig's 'Top ten liberals I'd like to sodomize' list
Ahmadinejad hands out potatoes to corner Irish-Iranian vote
Lady Justice undergoes extreme makeover on TV, becomes sexier, more empathetic, less blind visit our new Che Heart store
Obama: "We must work to rid the world of nuclear weapons and of Israel too while we're at it"
Obama to impose a cap on temperatures for patients in government-subsidized hospitals
Brady Campaign to Prevent Cereal Violence applauds gov't crackdown on cheerios, calls for registration of cereal bowls
Obama's rich supporters chagrined to find he's a class worrior and not the cynical hypocrite they'd counted on
Congress nationalizes DeBeers, changes marketing slogan to 'government programs are forever'
Sen. Specter: 'we could be energy-independent by now if Republicans invested in eternal engine research'
Kentucky Derby winner admits to having no specific strategy: I just kept repeating 'hope' and 'change' and I won... wow!
Never waste a good crisis: Obama uses swine flu epidemic to put a mask on Joe Biden
Study: exposure to pork- barrel projects heightens risk of catching swine flu
Islamic scholars green-light use of government pork by Muslim groups: 'not haram'
DHS Napolitano's preferred man-made disaster color warnings: chocolate, vanilla, strawberryDow Jones rally prompted by record sales of tea bags on April 15
WH: Obama's handshake with Saudi King looked like a bow as King Abdullah's arms are twice as long as human arms but atrophy prevents useDHS tip on spotting a right- wing extremist: watch out for the one carrying a paycheck
Opposed to teabagging, Pelosi accepts motion to expel Congressperson Barney Frank
Spring cleaning tip: don't forget to change your scientific consensus from winter setting "climate change" to summer setting "global warming"
Obama uses old Bush-era teleprompter for Baghdad speech
Segway and GM launch a 2-wheeled contraceptive
Obama's stern reaction to North Korea missile launch: "I'm tellin'!"Lenin laughs ass off over crisis in capitalism Scientists: Lenin statue expelled no harmful gases, only dialectical materialism Obama gives Queen a shovel click here NBC: We are all Special Olympians now, especially Olbermann
Obama's teleprompter caught moonlighting as AmEx spokesperson: 'Don’t leave home without it'
click here for the story Alabama gunman was trying to 'be more like Europeans' After shootings, EU threatens potential mass murderes with increased paperwork and red tape Oil prices rising; most viable solution is blame Limbaugh Obama to bring Cuba in from the cold; political prisoners to remain outside Healthcare crisis: Planned Parenthood forced to offer 2 abortions for the price of 1; 50% off if you refer a friend Hillary presents Russian Foreign Minister Lavrov with the People's Cube CLICK HERE FOR THE STORY Obama's Reaganesque address: "I've just declared peace on the Soviet Union. The bonging will start in five minutes" Satellite launched to confirm global warming: finds none, crashes in Antarctica in protest Al-Qaeda founder discovers DNC playbook, attacks own side in war an terror Obama to slash deficit after increase; firefighters to quench house after setting fire to it
Treasury Dept buys Monopoly board game for policy advice Democrats pay back their constituents, save faltering squeegee businesses from collapsing
Muslim group offended by pork hidden in stimulus package, threatens revenge Obama appoints guilt czar to oversee fair distribution of guilt among all Americans Size matters: stimulus package so big it won't even fit on Drudge No help from Obama to storm-ravaged Kentucky; officials consider renaming state to New Orleans in effort to get attention Politico: volcano trouble in Alaska a result of Palin's policies MoveOn adopts Bush's cowboy diplomacy: 'You're either with Obama or Rush' Obama urges liberals to start listening to Rush Limbaugh: 'all too often we start by dictating on issues and don't always know all the factors involved. So let's listen.' More bad economic news: area antiwar group lays off its bumper sticker makers Dissent no longer patriotic: Obama Reminder to Hollywood celebrities: must change 'patriotic' setting from 'hate America' to 'love America' on Jan. 20 Obama promises to Photoshop a better future for America You won't be told lies if you don't ask questions: Obama's new media policy Personals: senate seats available in NY & Il. Hardly ever used. Cash OK. Change we can believe in: Clinton 1990s staffers Somali pirates hijack international space station Starting with 11/5/08, the cor- rect progressive greeting in America is "Barack Obama!" The reply is "Obama Barack!" Laika the Space Dog consi- dered for new White House pet: "Thoroughly vetted by Bill Ayers" CHANGE: President-elect Obama crushes Yankee imperialism in a landslide
Seven Obama cousins found living in voting boothUS choppers attack ACORN voter registration center in Syria US military: We decided to strike now because this time next year we’ll be a Peace Keeping force Biden predicts severe test for Obama in first six months: another question from Joe the Plumber Obama: Let he who is without wealth cash the first check! Joe Biden: work is a four-letter word
FBI investigates Mickey Mouse Club for voter fraud Embarrassed ACORN accidentally registers 'Ronald Reagan' Kids' hymns to Obama a success of Democrat strategy: If you can't abort them, indoctrinate them World to USA: 'Fix world ecomonic crisis so we can get back to hating you' Obama's campaign invites opponents to play 'Truth or Jail' Biden: Hoover text-messaged Americans to calm fears during 1929 crashDead support Obama, all are registered to vote by ACORN Biden calls taxes patriotic Study: Jesus spoke without a telepromter Obama promises free lipstic for everybody if elected KARAOKE: These Are The Jerks We Call Journalists Obama's negotiations with Gustav prove fruitful; storm spares "French Quarter" Feminist group: Sarah Palin worst mother since June Cleaver; decried as "too feminine" Obama: leave Bristol alone, she has been punished enough with a baby Putin shoots tiger with Polonium-laced dart Obama: ready from day one to place a call to UN if a US city is nuked Cult of personality at the People's Cube is up 90% compared to previous Five-Year Plan Congress established windfall tax on US gold medals International Olympic Committee to redistribute Phelp's ill-gotten golds to less fortunate athletes Obama beats Hillary to coveted CPUSA endorsement February 2050 declared White History Month. Future headlines expected to read "Minorities hardest hit... and deservedly so." Obama denounces Russia's actions; humbled Russia sends self to Gulag US trade deficit dropped; NYT instructs readers to turn paper upside down for more favorable view of graph Sharpton protests disproportionate deaths of Bernie Mac and Isaac Hayes, calls for immediate deaths of David Letterman and Billy Joel to even score Science to unveil invisible cloak; Conservative White Christian male in NJ says he's been invisible for years NYT: Russia's invasion of Georgia leaves much smaller carbon footprint than US invasion of Iraq Larry the Cable Guy issues call to "man the pick up trucks" as Russia invades Georgia Edwards claims he was having affair with camera, didn't notice woman attached Chavez's parents cut off Hugo's credit card after Moscow shopping binge Oil industry to Pelosi: You've been given a brain. Use it or lose it. Congress to declare July 19th International Swimmers' Day
How many superdelegates does it take to change a lightbulb? Photoshopped Iranian missile saves 25% on Islamic Republic's carbon footprint
Word of the day: HUSSIES n. Female Obama supporters changing their middle names to HusseinObama: we have always been at peace with Hillary ClintonGrand Rapids Mayor George Heartwell vows city will be "vanilla" when rebuilt Media grows impatient with Iowa's lack of flood-related rapes and pillaging: Why can't they be more like New Orleans? CNN investigates Iowans caught blowing FEMA debit cards at Tractor Supply Company Obama: WTC problem ended on 9/11, Pentagon still a problemHillary supporters organize against Obama Janet Reno congratulates Elian Gonzalez on joining Cuba's Young Communists
Dick Durbin denies that being Hell's spokesperson and moonlighting as a Democrat Senator presents a conflict of interest Flooding in Iowa causes typical white people to turn bitter and cling to evacuation procedures Democrat energy policy: let them eat cake Monica Lewinsky endorses Obama: 'This is not the Bill Clinton I knew' NASA unveils 'ass-crack' space suit for plumbing repairs at int'l space station Dead people at Obama's rally identified as a renegade splinter group of Hillary's 'invisible Americans' Howard Dean: dead people will vote Democrat no matter who gets the nomination Mainstream media silent on increased attacks on US troops by mainstream media Sen. Kennedy under treatment. Mary Jo still dead Muanmar drafts Mayor Nagin and Gov. Blanco to help with cyclone clean up New Orleans Mayor sends school buses to Myanmar As Darfur violence surges, world vows not to give a crap unless the US gets involved Chinese citizens crushed by bricks and rubble; tanks have day off
Friendly fire: BBC office hit by al-Qaeda rocket Al Gore knows what caused Burma cyclone but won't say it International community promises to suspend anti- Americanism until after American aid reaches Burma Mainstream media saddened that Austrian pedophile isn't a Catholic priest, a Baptist minister, or a GOP senator
North Korea's nuclear technicians protest outsourcing jobs to Syria Earth Day: save the planet, starve the children! Focus group: if water boarding was a sexual preference, they'd be teaching it in public schools Study: Wall Street losses unfairly target the rich Mixed month for MTV: teen pregnancy drops, however STDs are on the rise Obama pledges to give every typical small town family a possum sandwich Delays at American Airlines: a sneak peak into proposed government healthcare Stop and smell the Sharpies Obama: baby is punishment; tax increase is bundle of joy Media: this year's Global Bad News Awareness week to overlap with International Good News Obliviousness month NPR journalists go on truckers-style protest over high price of lattes Most popular April Fools joke: "A Democrat president won't raise taxes" Obama denounced extreme statements in Osama's new tape but urged voters to listen to the entire message before making judgment Obama's speech calls for change in stereotyping "the typical White person" Spitzer denies applying hardball tactics in front of bathroom mirror and threatening to come after himself New York State House retires Spitzer's #9 jersey KKK endorses Harvard's gym segregation policy: 'Blacks and Jews are next' London quake caused by SUV, now impounded by Scotland Yard Hillary's healthcare plan to include smelling salts for Obama's supporters and mandatory amputation of Chris Matthews' leg USMail Service to publish Obama's resume on new stamp Obama: one man's plagiarism is another man's audacity Candidate Barry O'Bama to court Irish vote Berkeley ousting US Marines gives hope to al Qaeda: 'If hippies can do it, so can we!' Berkley builds wall around self; man trying to flee 'Peace Sanctuary City' shot at checkpoint John McCain apologizes for going to Vietnam, earns Jane Fonda's endorsement To avoid scorn and ridicule, Tom Cruise converts to Islam NY Times: Backward, close-minded, inbred southern hicks vote for Obama NY Times: All the news that's fit to pimp Dems offer first female for President, first Black for President, first pretty pony for Attorney General Brokeback Mountain loses climber NASA's Spirit Rover finds Dennis Kucinich campaign on MarsLas Vegas: candidates offer plans to bail out flustered gamblers Feds: subprime borrowers' relief package to include subprime rib Silence in Cuba: Castro too ill to speak in public, Cubans too afraid to speak Dems adopt old British "don't mention the war" strategy for '08 campaign Obama's 'Take a penny, leave a penny' economic plan sparks new hope Obama's campaign hires homeless people to talk about change on street corners Panhandlers Union endorses Obama's plan for change Al Gore's children receive carbon credits for Winter Solstice Holiday Democrats call for troop surge in the War on Bush Murtha: if we quit now, capitalism will win Pelosi declares she likes class war, pledges to stay the course Expert blames Republicans for not attacking all Democrat candidates equally High school Meth teacher starts new class Holy Mitt! Violence in Iraq down 60%; media stories reporting this down 6000% Imus covers all bases by hiring undocumented-Black- Jewish-homeless- transgendered-vegan- disabled-obese-Kartina- victim as a sidekick Poll: most Muslims find curvature of Riemannian manifolds offensive "How The Grinch Redistributed Winter Solstice" opens on Broadway Left-wing bloggers hold vigil hoping suspect is connected to GOP candidate Hostage situation expected to be politicized in the next 20 minutes "Mall security" takes over operations in Baghdad New study suggests that 1 US gallon of Latte is 170 times more expensive than 1 US gallon of Regular gasoline. Al Gore sterilizes self to protect planet: 'Having children is selfish' NY Times: some news is fitter to print than others Study: most Americans will be worried about economy if told so often enough Musharraf changes name to Chavez to avoid being called "dictator" by MSM and Democrats in US Congress Media changes old adage "no news is good news" to "no good news is news" US Congress extends hurricane season until the first Sunday in November Lack of bad news from Iraq causes media recession. Women and minority journalists hardest hit. LA Times drops term "wild" describing fire, uses "undocumented" fire instead USA Today: big fires are getting bigger, small fires are getting smaller Reid: Global Warming caused fire by overheating arsonist's head, provoking delusional paranoia MoveOn.org pressures Congress to stop fighting fire and bring firemen home Reid: The war on fire is lost Pelosi: The number of fires has gone up since we started fighting fire Kerry: If you don't do well in school you'll get stuck fighting fire in California NY Times: Fighting fire creates even more fires Harry Reid auctions clothes, furniture, car on eBay in effort to make millions off his name. "If Limbaugh can do it so can I." No takers so far. Princess Leia Organa presents the Alderaanian Medal of Honor to Al Gore Did Che Guevara descend from Prophet Mohammed? San Andreas Fault in California preemptively renamed George Bush's Fault Media Matters editor blows self up over Limbaugh's 'bomber' remark End of Ramadan brings new rioting season to France Harry Reid bangs shoe on table: "We will bury you!" Dutch follow Ahmadinejad's lead, declare "there are no dykes in Holland" Ahmadinejad to Amerika: "Don't tase me, bro!" Bomb Girl and Taser Boy sell rights to their characters to Marvel Comics Cindy Sheehan hires Bomb Girl and Taser Boy as image consultants CBS stands by firing of Dan Rather: "He couldn't tell our logo from a hole in the ground" Jessie Jackson on Obama: "too White." Obama on Jackson: "I'm a smoke dat biatch if I see him"
Tasered victim at John Kerry's speech to receive Purple Heart Mugabe blames Zimbabwe's meltdown on Global Warming To stomp out possible confusion, MSM changes spelling of Obama to Ubama Craving acceptance from liberals, General Petraeus gains 300lbs and debuts report at Cannes. George Soros stops funding Democrats, converts to Islam Edwards: 41% of American children don't have lawyers John Edwards proposes "single payer" trial lawyer insurance for all, mandatory pre-jurisprudence care Illegal aliens kill people Americans won't killDemocrats select 2008 presidential slogan: "Death to America" Larry "Happy Feet" Craig uses Michael Flatley's Riverdance defense "Americans Coming Together" admit they had timing issues Presbyterian clergy issue fatwah calling for Pope's deathNew Jersey teen cracked iPhone with his face Vick awaits doggie-style welcome in prison Rock star behaves like rap star: huge media outcry China's recall of defective Daily Kos bloggers causes suicides among Democrat strategists Al Gore to recall the Internet Media declares September National Bridge Awareness Month First New Orleans, now Minnesota: Anderson Cooper travels up the Mississippi without a paddle Ray Nagin pledges to build a chocolate bridge instead William Jefferson spotted under collapsed bridge retrieving mystery package Cannibalism, rape, looting, republicanism rampant in Minneapolis Lindsay Lohan to enter astronaut training program Nigeria's plan to nationalize local spam industry sparks massive riots in Lagos
Democrat Congress's two major victories: minimum wage increase and al-Qaeda's restored operating capability London Mayor Livingston mandates Sharia law at nightclubs to prevent further bombings Taliban spokesman blames media bias as civilian deaths from US air strikes grab headlines: "Taliban has murdered thousands of civilians and we can't even get mentioned on Countdown with Olbermann. What gives?"Back alley massage parlors now offering "better ending than Sopranos" Bush to close Gitmo, detainees released into Mexican custody to be put on fast track to US citizenship
Study: Dan rather still unable to tell the difference between Paris Hilton and Katie Couric Civil war in Gaza: if it's not in Iraq why report it? US media increasingly impatient at lack of civil war in IraqUS Embassy in Syria warns of sex attacks. So how long will Bill be visiting for? Delighted Dems: "The surge has failed!"MSM spokesman: There are no civil war clashes in Gaza! Palestinians still wonder why their real civil war can't knock Iraq "civil war" off the front page As Albanians welcome Bush and show love for USA, NY Times offers them free subscriptions to "solve problem" Paris gets out of jail faster than an illegal immigrant Socialist utopia takes foothold in Venezuela as water cannons salute victory Pelosi: "I've seen climate change." John Fogerty of CCR also wants to know "if she's ever seen rain" Democrats call for troop withdrawal from Jersey Harry Reid: "Troop presence in New Jersey creating more terrorists" French riot police deployed as open minded, tolerant socialists expected to react to election results Progressives concerned with Sarkozy's "extremist agenda " of rule of law and assimilation to French culture Dems: War needs deadline; only social policies can run indefinitely Sheryl Crow to wipe out global warming one butt at a time Va Tech lessons for MSM: must ban guns, rich kids ACLU calls for calm, fears backlash against innocent gun owners: 'all gun owners aren't terrorists' Liberal groups join gun tolerance and awareness workshops Gun owners converting to Islam in droves to ward off profiling Sharp jump in number of 'non-decapitated' babies following Supreme Court decision Sharpton makes a list of 57 Don Imus sympathizers on public airwaves Al Gore and John Kerry agree: people who live in greenhouses should not expel noxious gases Al Gore hired by K-Y to pro- mote Global Warming Jelly New study shows Earth's 'fever' contagious; Mars asks planets to kick 'Greenhouse Mary' out of solar system Schumer demands Karl Rove be indicted on 1976 parking ticket Al Qaeda reacts to Schumer attack: "Thank Allah we're not Republicans!" Dems: Khalid Sheik Mohamed just watched too many episodes of 24 and made all that stuff in his confession up Fitzgerald to prosecute Ann Coulter for disclosing identity of presidential candidate John Edwards Following Scooter Libby success, media demands journalists be included on all future juries Kent State professor calls for bin Laden victory: time to bring in the National Guard again? Hollywood to America: our moral issues are better than your moral issues Obama promises to "purge himself" if he loses to Hillary to spare the public a lengthy trial House vote: Insurgents react with non-binding IED Democrat leaders don't support terrorists but they support their mission North Korea agrees to nuclear disarmament, media hails Madeleine Albright Bush: I support Democrat majority - but not their mission Is it time for Pinochet yet? Helen Thomas to be inducted into Museum of Natural History
buy a T-shirt
Experts: assassin hid bomb in anal cavity adjacent to brain
buy this sticker
Al-Qaeda founder discovers DNC playbook, attacks own side in war an terror
Murtha: if we quit now, capitalism will win
New Jersey teen cracked iPhone with his face
MSM spokesman: There are no civil war clashes in Gaza!
Helen Thomas to be inducted into Museum of Natural History
