The living heroic legend that is Barack Obama has already broken the pop-culture record of Baghdad Bob and is now approaching that of Chuck Norris and Vladimir Putin. When even Obama's official campaign is forced to launch a fact-checking website to keep his runaway aura under control, you just know that Obama's public persona has developed a life of its own and is resisting efforts to catch it and put it on Ritalin. We at the People's Cube thought that the best way to take control of the situation would be by using Obama's own patented method of hopeful approach to reality.
So we built a radically different website: it looks like Obama's fact-checking site, only instead of chasing cowardly facts and arguing old truths that are tarnished and tedious, we invent new, sparkling-clean truths that are exciting and heroic. The beauty of this approach is that when new truths become old and tarnished, they can be easily thrown under the bus and replaced with newer and better heroic truths, ensuring Obama's glorious march towards a higher metaphysical plane of unstoppable service to humankind.
Every now and then, Obama opens his eyes and the world springs into existence.
When a tree falls in the forest, Obama hears it.
Obama can clap with one hand.
Prometheus was punished for plagiarizing Obama.
Obama can make a journey of a thousand miles without a single step.
Socks worn by Obama are used for climbing walls in Spiderman movies.
Hillary Clinton dropped out of the race when she learned Obama's true name.
"Obama" is the very first word in the English language to be a verb, adjective, noun, pronoun, adverb, interjection, superlative and pronad. (Pronad is a new category made specifically for the word "Obama" so its power can be fully realized).
When Obama squints dreamily into the distance, he can see next week's lottery winning numbers. But he never plays because that would mean poverty of ambition.
Obama can calculate your guilt just by looking at the numbers in your checkbook.
A microphone into which Obama has spoken, heals asbestos-related disorders and colorectal cancer by direct application.
Every time Obama talks about change, a baby diaper becomes clean and a homeless person's cup fills up with nickels.
Every time Obama talks about "hope," coma patients regain consciousness and chant "We are the ones we've been waiting for."
Obama's famous stare once converted 15 Islamic fundamentalists into secular progressives, all of whom are currently employed by Countrywide Home Loans.
Obama is 50% typical White person.
Obama's real mother was young John Kerry who reproduces asexually when coming into contact with foreign Marxists.
Obama often says "uh" in his speeches in order to irritate Bill O'Rilley who hangs onto his every word.
Obama always overpays his taxes because he believes that the government will find a better use for his money than he ever could.
When Obama rids the world of nuclear weapons, the red button in his office will control the thermostats in American homes.
Obama brings change to the world every time he closes his eyes and imagines that Twin Towers never existed.
After a hearty meal Obama has been known to send off a tiny ripple of hope. This tiny ripple of hope in Chicago can cause change throughout the world.
When Obama relaxes at home with his family he switches to a British accent.
Obama's wife is a Klingon.
Obama's children are named Child 1 and Child 2 respectively.
Our universe is held together by the force of Michelle Obama's benevolent willpower, but her patience is running thin.
Michelle Obama has saved humanity from destruction many times and is slightly annoyed that we haven't returned the favor.
Monica Lewinsky owns "I Barack for Obama" bumper sticker.
Everything Obama touches begins to vote Democrat.
More dead people voted for Obama than for any other Democrat candidate in the history of Chicago politics.
The tingle that crawled up Chris Matthews' leg has taken control of his brain and is reporting a full preparedness to take over the world.
Obama can make things disappear just like David Copperfield can, but he hates taking things away from the community.
US Mail Service published Obama's resume on a new first class stamp.
In the movies, Obama's part is played by Robert Redford.
Obama can inflate a hot air balloon in one blow. He does it for the children.
Obama used to spell his name as Ubama but changed it to avoid confusion with Usama bin Laden.
When Obama fixes his gaze on the clouds, he is reading his next great line from the big teleprompter in the sky, which is unseen to ordinary humans.
One time the Republicans paid a voodoo priest to reprogram the teleprompter, and then Obama delivered the speech by Massachusetts Gov. Deval Patrick instead of his own. But courageous journalist Bob Woodward uncovered the plot, forcing the Republicans to resign. As a result, Obama became even more popular with the downtrodden who didn't know that it was Gov. Patrick's speech.
Obama wrote "Stairway to Heaven" and many other songs popular among the downtrodden.
Obama's love for the downtrodden heats up the planet's atmosphere by 5.8 degrees Fahrenheit, while his loathing of George W. Bush cools it down by the same amount. That's why the scientists have been unable to detect any significant variations in average global temperatures.
The main point of Al Gore's book "Earth in the Balance" is that a disastrous climate change can be averted if we all help keep Obama emotionally balanced.
Obama visited Benjamin Franklin in a dream and told him how to live his life serving the community, but all that Franklin could remember was, how to fly a kite.
Scientists discovered that a constant repetition of the words "hope" and "change" increases the size of penis in male patients by up to three inches.
Any sentence containing the name "Obama" and ending in a question mark has been determined to be racist. The only exceptions are rhetorical sentences such as "Is there any way that Obama could be more perfect?"
Obama smokes so you don't have to.
Obama's cigarettes have been registered at the EPA as a renewable power source contributing 5,000 Megawatts of electricity to the national power grid every time he takes a draw.
The "smoke" that comes out of Obama's mouth contains rare gases that help replenish the ozone layer and neutralize the industrial pollution.
Obama once downed a Fox News satellite simply by clicking on a universal TV remote in his living room. Obama then reprogrammed the remaining satellites to broadcast reruns of Keith Olbermann's show, thus expanding the consciousness of the average American TV viewer and raising awareness by 19%.
When Obama speaks about universal healthcare, the risk of cardiovascular diseases decreases by 58 percent, and the risk of cancer decreases by 60 percent.
Obama knows that his healthcare plan is going to work because he personally tested it in a leper colony, where he healed everyone by shaking hands and kissing babies.
In Portland, Oregon, Obama fed a multitude of 75 thousand with five government subsidy forms and two rolls of red tape.
An unkind word about Obama's family serves as a passkey to the hottest rings of Hell.
When Obama smiles, somewhere in America a door opens to an abortion clinic.
When Obama claps his hands, a child is born in a Third World country.
When Obama stomps his foot, a sweatshop closes in Asia, with thousands of children in the streets demanding that the United States send them financial aid, food, and medicine.
Deep down, everyone's an Obama.
When the people learn to vote themselves money from the public trough, Obama will appear.
Obama is not exactly what he seems, nor is he otherwise.
Obama doesn't seek the truth, he puts an end to hurtful opinions.
It takes a wise man to use own words, but an even wiser man to use words spoken by others. And then there's Obama.
The beginner's mind sees many opportunities in America. The expert's mind sees few opportunities. Then there's Obama's mind.
To those who can correctly commiserate with the downtrodden, the whole universe surrenders.
To believe that America has no hope without Obama, and to grieve that it is so difficult to communicate it to Americans - this is the life of Obama.
Only Obama can see real need for change with his third eye that sees everything and yet nothing at the same time.
Obama's economic plan: No taxes, no progress. Little taxes, little progress. Great taxes, great progress.
The fundamental delusion of humanity is to suppose that Obama is not an illusion.
There is no beginning to Obama nor end to Barack; There is no beginning to Barack nor end to Obama.
If you wish for true love, learn to love Obama.
There is nothing that you want that is not change; there is nothing you feel that is not hope.
Obama's message of hope: when you reach rock bottom, start digging.
Big government is like a thousand foot fishing line with a hook, but efficiency is always an inch beyond the hook. Every time you realize this, Obama wants you to believe that the government must grow an inch bigger.
To seek hope for hope's sake is like stepping onto a boat that is about to sail out to sea and sink. But as an inspirational leader with a focus on the community, Barack Obama is not afraid of such challenges - which is a refreshing contrast to the current administration.
When Obama was three years old he rode his bicycle across the street and saw terrible injustices along the way. They made him want to unseat George W. Bush and become the first People's President of the United States.
When Obama was five he fixed Social Security, but George W. Bush broke it again on purpose.
In first grade Obama wrote a school essay on how to help the downtrodden. As soon as George W. Bush heard about it, he ordered to shred Obama's essay into tiny pieces before the downtrodden could read it.
In second grade Obama developed a concrete plan to save the children. When George W. Bush heard about it, he killed the children and exiled Obama's family to Hawaii because Bush hated the children.
George W. Bush deliberately added "Hussein" to Obama's name on all official records, hoping that it would traumatize young Obama psychologically and stigmatize him for life.
When Obama gained control of the Good Forces of the Universe, George W. Bush locked him in a tower with an iron mask over his head to prevent a telepathic contact with the Force. But Bill Ayers received the signal, blew up Bush's tower and liberated Obama.
In college Obama majored in hypnotism and minored in white and black arts. That's why George W. Bush couldn't catch him ever again.
Obama statues decorate all progressive capitals of the world. George W. Bush became jealous and stole one such statue, hoping to melt it and use the metal to make world's strongest cannon to kill women and children. But Obama's statue destroyed the furnace and made its way to freedom. Nobody knows where it is now, but the rumor is that it is fighting for the rights of the downtrodden all over the planet. Al Qaeda wants to capture the statue and turn it into an indestructible suicide bomber. If they ever succeed, it will be George W. Bush's fault.
Obama wrote the United States Constitution that gave all power to the downtrodden, but George W. Bush replaced it with a version that gives all power to corporations.
Bush can't destroy the original Constitution because Obama's handwriting is indestructible. That's why Bush is hiding it in a lead container at the bottom of the Potomac River. If you find and open the container, all power in the land will at once return to the downtrodden.
Obama's bathroom has two toilets. One is made of gold and the other one is made of wood. Obama only uses the wooden toilet out of solidarity with the downtrodden. The sight of the golden toilet helps him to maintain class conscience.
Obama owns an expensive Sleep Number Bed but sleeps on an off-brand mattress in the corner in order to be down with the masses.
When Obama buys caviar he always tries to get the one that is runny and tastes fishy, because that's the kind of caviar that the downtrodden eat.
When Obama's children get sick, he buys them the cheapest generic drugs. It helps him better to commiserate with the downtrodden.
Obama's bank once offered him a low 5.5% mortgage but he refused because he wanted to experience the bitterness the way all other Americans feel it.
Tony Rezko once offered Obama a sweetheart land deal, but Obama said "no" because he wanted his family to stay within the community of which he was the organizer.
Obama once had a chance to save 10% on car insurance by switching to Geico but he said "no" because that would mean a sellout to corporate interests.
There is more to see on BestObamaFacts.com - but those glorious truths that have already been featured on the People's Cube. The truths posted above are the most current and original ones. The Obama site was not designed to have input from the masses (naturally). Therefore, if you know a truth about the Obama that hasn't been listed, here is the place to post it.
At last! Finally the People will come to know the Best Facts™ about the Messiah instead of the propagated falsehoods that are maliciously spread by the likes of Rush Limbaugh, Michelle Malkin, Faux News and other Agents of Intolerance™!
To BestObamaFacts.com, Comrades! The Progressive World of Next Tuesday™ will come soon enough!
In the spirit of the wildly popular, and true, "Chuck Norris Facts" I LOVED the Obama facts. The only thing missing was Obama's role in the creation of the universe and His importance in the Christian Bible. I suggest that your brilliant website needs a section for "Biblical Obama" to share His influence on the most popular religion in history. AND to make sure he gets the evangelical vote!
I'm not much of a biblical scholar simply because I have not been touched by Obama but that's my cross to bear... But I can help out linking Bible verses proving Obama was present in the most important parts of biblical history AND to prove he upscaled the second-rate Messiah that was Jesus Christ. I mean, Jesus is good and can save souls, but compared to Obama... Not only can he save your soul from eternal damnation in the eyes of God, he can redeem our souls in the eyes of the liberal elite.
Warren
Redmond Oregon
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Biblical Obama
Jesus saw Obama on a tortilla
When Moses parted the sea, Obama was already on the other side
Obama cast the first, and only, stone
Jesus walked on Obama, Obama was swimming
Obama was using Jonah for fish bait
Obama dropped knowledge on the apple tree
And on the 8th day Obama finished the job
Obama was Solomon's teacher
Obama was Chuck Norris' sensei
Obama's footprint was on the dirt Jesus spat onto
Obama supplied the baskets and vases for the sermon on the mount
I just got back from the theater with my blushing babushka bride. We went to see a movie about mummies from the glorious people's republic of China. I was very upset to see that the glorious MAO was not prominently featured. Oh well.
But I did have HOPE! Because there was a movie trailer that spoke of Change! The film is called "The Express,"and you can see for yourself at 1:10 and at 1:50.
Change is upon us comrades, and while the mummy let us all down, the glorious workers in the politburo approved movie studios brings us 'change,' so that we may know - even if it is subliminal, that The Obamaessiah is everywhere.
Blessed be to the glorious propagandists from hollywood. May they earn the Order of Lenin for their heroic and tireless acts to educate the people.
Barack Obama doesn't just save souls. No, Barack Obama saves souls and then provides them with subsidized housing, quality, affordable healthcare, and, of course, more government cheese than one could possibly ask for.
In addition to all of these glorious facts about Obama, I think it would be good to add a few from his own mouth in the mix. Such as, there really are 57 states in America, not 50 as is mistakenly believed. Obama has proclaimed as much, and now the geography books in the US educational system need to be revised to show the truth. All blasphemous books that show only 50 states should be burned at once.
and,
“It is absolutely certain that generations from now, we will be able to look back and tell our children that this was the moment when we began to provide care for the sick and good jobs to the jobless; this was the moment when the rise of the oceans began to slow and our planet began to heal.”
What a Great website about Obama, what truth! Obama will be our future Ruler, there is no doubt!
I did hear a disturbing rumor though.....
Everyone knows that Barack is not from earth, its quite apparent AND obvious. However, does no one else see the connection of how James Traficant (another Alien) suddenly went to "jail", and then, not a year later, Barack Obama jumps on the scene with his speech at the Dem convention in 2004??
We all remember Traficant's ending line after everytime he spoke in congress, right?....... "Beam me up."
My contention is that Traficant became too non-communist, was "Beamed up", and replaced by a better comrade-alien in 'Barack Obama'.
The timing is too exact, this cannot be a coincidence, I don't believe in a "coincidence" anyway.
Traficant did make some disturbing statements as well.......
"Who are the trade advisers at the White House, a bunch of proctologists?"
On The Vagina Monologues:
“What is next? Rectal Diaries? Men are dropping like flies in America from prostate cancer and Broadway is promoting vaginal titillation. Beam me up.”
"And then when I get out I will grab a sword like Maximus Meridius Demidius and as a Gladiator I will stab people in the crotch."
"If that is not enough to compromise your Viagra, the United Nations has created a world court with universal authority and jurisdiction. Unbelievable. What is next, a world tax? Beam me up."
"Now NASA is on an unmanned space mission to the moon. I think NASA should redirect and have an unmanned space mission to Washington, DC, and try to find out if there is any intelligent life left in the Nation's Capital."
"Allowing the IRS to reform themselves would be like allowing Jeffrey Dahlmer to head up the Boy Scouts."
“China is now taking $100 billion of cash out of our economy, buying missiles, and pointing them at us. Beam us up, all of us.”
""People still swear I'm crazy. No one has ever fucked with me all these years in Youngstown. No one ever came up to me in a bar and tried to pick a fight. No one ever took a punch at me. No one ever pulled a gun on me. It's good to be crazy..."
A picture of Traficant, shortly before he was "beamed up" and replaced by Obama, our savior...
He may be approching the popularity of Chuck Norris, but he can NEVER approch the greatness that is Mr. Skaar. I know very few know who I'm talking about, but there's a reason, he keeps his greatness hidden because if he reveled it, we'd abandon Obama so fast all the hot air in his head would escape and cause the .1 increase in temperature in one square yard of Chicago.
I demand to know the name of your minister of fact checking! And always with the cowbells - who let the cowbell out again. This is nothing but distractions. Look what happens when workers become distracted with foolishness: http://sweetness-light.com/archive/a-non-happening-in-central-park
With Komrade Obamanov's leadership we have have hope for change in future.
Prior to Komrade Obananov we had no hope and faced future unchanged.
All capitalist dog who oppose Komrade Obamanov's 4 and 8 year plan for change shall lose all hope and face future in new People's Indoctrination Gulag at Guantanamo Bay , Worker's Paradise.
(Pronad is a new category made specifically for the word "Obama" so its power can be fully realized).
Is it a personal pronad? And in the interest of the People's Physics, is there also a "neunad" or "conad" that counterbalances this mighty primordial force? Is there any truth to the rumor that top scientists at Rainbow Coalition Labs are working on a way to split the pronad and solve the World's energy crisis?
Quote
Obama is 50% typical White person.
Wasn't there a race on the original Star Trek TV series like this? Is there any photographic evidence available?
Betinov - the things that top scientists at Rainbow Coalition Labs have been successfully splitting are called gonads. Whether that can solve the World's energy crisis is a question that has never occurred to anyone. If it does, it will be a mere side effect.
I've seen those before. My only question is, won't they all fall on their backs after they fire a single shot? Or has the progressive Chicom science overcome the oppressive hegemony of bourgeois physics?
I am sure the recoil energy is miniscule compared to the forward-thinking of the party heroes. At least now we know why the Segway hasn't lived up to its hype - every segway produced here at the people's factory where I toil is being comandeered to equip the Secret People's Clone Army.
Thanks for the correction, Red. I remember reading something about the RCL's "Manhatin' Project" and some kind of nad and just got them crossed up.
Manhatin' Project...lol! As usual,Comrade SexyBrain,you are brilliantly funny. If my spousal unit ever goes to the great collective in the sky(Lenin forbid)...I think I'm gonna marry you...either that,or make you my sex slave
I checked BestObamaFacts.com growing statistics this morning and noticed a few visits made through a link on IMDB Message Boards. I followed the link but the post had been already deleted.
IMDB wrote
[Post deleted]
This message has been deleted by an administrator
The deleted post had been made on a board reserved for Barack Obama. Most existing threads there had been made by those who were either as left as Obama or further to the left than Obama. The few right-wing critics of Obama (with few exceptions) were rather illiterate, idiotic, and potty-mouthed.
I wonder what made BestObamaFacts.com so offensive to the administrators that they deleted it? In this regard, one of the longer pro-Obama threads on the board is titled "It's Either Obama or Tyranny." Hmmm... For a moment there I thought that the administrator who deleted our link was an Obama supporter. Who knew IMDB was being administered by intolerant right-wingers?
I've seen those before. My only question is, won't they all fall on their backs after they fire a single shot? Or has the progressive Chicom science overcome the oppressive hegemony of bourgeois physics?
Naaaahhhh... Those look like they only shoot 9mm. A .38Spl has more recoil than a namby-pamby 9mm.
I wonder what the Dept. of Peace and Nonviolence would say about that picture?
I started reading one of the threads on IMDB and I'd recommend it to anyone who has doubts about the "peaceful" and "internationalist" nature of the Obamessiah cult.
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by Retro_Princess
I'm not american, I'm Venezuelan and you all know our situation with Hugo Chavez, do you wanna be like us? we were blind too in 1998 when chavez was doing his campaign... we voted... he won and now this country is getting worse every day. Don't make the same mistake.
I'm not republican, I'm not democrat... as I said I'm not american, I'm just watching this man and his ideas... dont make the same mistake as us. Save your country, read the news, do you wanna be like venezuela or cuba? I'm not exagerating... hugo chavez promised a lot of good stuff, democracy and now look at us.
Don't miss this chance, save your country! don't vote Obama.
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by Critic3
Wow. You're dumb.
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by alfa3647
yet another republican troll on ignore
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by MattGuyOR
Maybe she wants McWar so he can invade Venezuela to over throw their leader too?
"The ONLY choice!"
www.barackobama.com
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by Lulu10
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yet another republican troll on ignore
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Did you look at her posting history. She IS an 18 yr old girl from Venezuela. She IS NOT A REPUBLICAN TROLL.
She sounds like she is coming from a P.O.V. we dont usually hear here.
I would like to know WHY she equates Obama with Chavez....
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by cluemein
DONT WORRY WHAT GOES ON WITH OUR CANDIDATES STAY IN YOUR PLACE.
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by jenld1029-2
Wait a minute. She can't make a comment about our candidates because she is from Venezuela, but when the Messiah you call Obama goes to Germany in front of 200,000 cheering people, that is great, huh?
And she is right, Chavez is a Socialist pig and guess who else has strong Socialist ideas? Take a guess!
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by Retro_Princess
I'm just talking about the experience of living in this socialist country... after all... you are the americans... vote for whoever you want.
it's just an advice, I dont live there so whatever you do with your candidates hugo chavez will still be the president of venezuela... we dont get any benefice.
Just read a little about hugo chavez... he started very well with his democracy and peace for everybody. Later he made changes: our flag, our coat, the name of the country, his plane...
Now we have this stupid socialism, you cant be rich (you cant but the goverment can), you cant buy a car no matter if you have the money or not (I've been on a list for more than 8 months), you cant travel, the president is giving our oil to everybody, you can go out after 5pm because the cities got insecure. and he hates the imperialists (aka: people who wears american brands, speak english or likes any USA, UK or the european union), public school sucks, hospitals sucks too...
And everything started with a star on our flag. As I said I'm not democrat or republican, that would be very stupid because I'm not american and I dont know anything about that.
and the one who said I want somebody to invade my country: I havent read anywhere on the news that any candidate has plans to invade venezuela.
am I dumb? dont answer, just read about the "revolution" of Hugo Chavez. wanna be like us? go ahead.. its your country, I dont really care.
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by tpresnyc
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its your country, I dont really care.
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Good, then shut the f *ck up.
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by Retro_Princess
"Good, then shut the f *ck up."
Enjoy your 21st century socialism! I hope you like red hats
Come on people... you can be smarter than us, see the examples... Venezuela, Cuba, Bolivia... its your choice...
this picture could be a lie or the truth... wanna take the risk?
All I can add is that my journey into politics started from similar discussions on liberal forums where the "open-minded" progressives either didn't believe I was an immigrant from the USSR and called me names, or they simply called me names and told me to "shut the f *ck up." There wasn't a trace of an intellectual effort to understand my POV. With very few exceptions, they were extremely rude, intolerant, obnoxious, and dimwitted. If a term "ugly American" ever applied to anybody, it's them.
BTW, I rented out "The Ugly American" movie (Marlon Brando, 1963) based on a book with the same name. It is, in fact, an excellent fact-based political thriller in which the Ugly American shows up only in the final scene to turn off the TV at the sound of unplesant news from overseas. Just like the progressives who closed their ears to Islamic terrorism, or the Obama people telling the Venezuelan girl to shut up. But don't expect Hollywood to do a remake of this movie. Despite the title it's not at all anti-American - unlike the communist-sympathizing Graham Greene's "The Quiet American" which was filmed in 1958 and promptly remade in 2002 in the run up to the Iraq war, with Brendan Fraser and Michael Caine.
Interestingly enough, I just looked up The Ugly American in various sources, and it turns out that the reviews and synopses being offered are a complete opposite of how I understood the story. Sort of like the misleading review of The American Carol that Puchenko posted on another thread. It's 1984 all over again. What else is new?
I waded through all 8 pages of those comments, and what amused me was Obama supporters, in refusing to believe he could be anything like Chavez, said POTUS cannot "change" the Constitution to suit his own agenda; that there are all sorts of checks and balances in place to prevent our government from turning into a dictatorship, etc.
Well, bless me, but aside from a minor verb change, aren't these the very things that for the past 8 years, these same people have accused Bush of doing?
And for the new Obama site, Red Square, I give you this . . .
. . . though I can't help thinking it's like giving the breadwinner acquisitor in my dacha a check for his birthday.
As The Obama's campaign official Doctor of Dictatorship I've notified our Fight The Smears website of this new campaign of outright demagogical Wall Street funded lies and distortions (really). As The Obama's personal Doctor of Dictatorship I've advised him to loudly, vociferously, and unceasingly bring up the issue of your new website and fight for the right of closing down all such websites and burning them to the ground!, or a reasonable facsimile.
Yours,
Comrade Otis
Doctor of Dictatorship
Karl Marx Treatment Center
Our friendly staff is standing by for you!
The IMBD link was posted again, and this time it stayed. I'm only mentioning it because it's the first time I see comments made by liberals who admit they find jokes about them funny.
One of them even offered a contribution:
Quote
Remember, every time your tires go flat, little Obama cries
Here are a couple of comments:
Liberals at IMDB wrote
I went to the people's cube website, I don't think I knew conservatives could be so funny. And not just obscene or offensive, it's actually clever. I'm impressed.
clever!!! i love the photoshopped images and the lists. who knew repubs had a sense of humor... i am impressed by that alone..
Of course there were "sour grapes" comments too, but that's too normal to be worth mentioning. If we could make wine from all the sour grapes thrown at us, we'd be married to Nancy Pelosi.
As usual,Comrade SexyBrain,you are brilliantly funny. If my spousal unit ever goes to the great collective in the sky(Lenin forbid)...I think I'm gonna marry you...either that,or make you my sex slave
Take a number, Thingies. According to a post he made on this thread, I already have first dibs on him should I ever find myself back on the marriage mart:
Gurlz, Gurlz! There's no need to fight! (Unless it involves an inflatable kiddie pool and any of a variety of lubricants and/or foodstuffs.) I have read the Party Member Manual carefully and I see nothing prohibiting multiple marriage partners. And think of the advantages! Not only would we be striking another nail in the coffin of so-called "traditional" monogamous marriage, why, we could turn the thermostat down fifteen, perhaps even twenty degrees!
As usual,Comrade SexyBrain,you are brilliantly funny. If my spousal unit ever goes to the great collective in the sky(Lenin forbid)...I think I'm gonna marry you...either that,or make you my sex slave
Take a number, Thingies. According to a post he made on this thread, I already have first dibs on him should I ever find myself back on the marriage mart:
I might refer you to Red Square, except he's off stomping grapes to win the hand of Nancy.
Of course,I defer to you,Pinkie,in this matter of future spousal units. I will only use him as a sex slave until I have broken him in quite nicely and then send him on his journey to become Mr. Pinkie,shall we say,a tad more frightened worthy of you.
I went to the people's cube website, I don't think I knew conservatives could be so funny. And not just obscene or offensive, it's actually clever. I'm impressed.
Indeed. It's possible to satirize and skewer your chosen subject and make it funny without resorting to scatology. Alas, the Huffies haven't quite mastered that fine art, as they're missing the key ingredient otherwise known as truth. Case in point:
Ahhhh..... Yes it is pleasing to see this praising of Imam B Hussein O (PBUH). He is indeed most holy. We will soon be free to subjugate freedom by his hand.
Those facts at the top of the page make me sick.
With Chuck, at least it's just a laugh, with Obama, this is the kind of stuff he'd actually want us to believe, along with Hope and Change.
Comrade Jeff from Utah has sent us an email informing that he owns UtahDemocrats.org domain, which he set up to point to Bestobamafacts.com "just for fun." The official Utah Demo's website is UTdemocrats.org.
In other words, click on UtahDemocrats.org and watch it open Bestobamafacts.com.
He said that last time he did something like this, I made the local news. We'll see about this time...
We received what looks like a template-generated email from an Obama fan who had probably found this thread through a link on one of Hillary supporting sites and thinks we are part of the PUMA network:
A born-again Obamunist who accepts Obama as his savior wrote
If Hillary had run in 2004 but Kerry still had gotten the nomination would you have voted for Bush? Will you subject this nation to another 4 years of Bush-style policies out of spite for Obama? And in hopes that the only true candidate can run in 2012 (assuming we still have a democracy then)? Why don't you just write-in Dick Cheney instead? COMNTSMF (Cutting Off My Nose To Spite My Face) might be a better acronym for this movement but if McCain is elected because of your abandoning the Democratic party you will be forever known as PUMAs (Pushed Up My Ass!). Bill certainly believes in a cult of personality but I doubt Hillary really does. I would love for her to be the first female President of the United States but I think it's pretty stupid (and selfish) to try to ruin any chance of a Democratic presidency until she's the only candidate.
Thanks so much for creating ObamaFacts. I saw it on another blog (RedState??) and followed it. I posted it on my blog and my husband & I just laughed our asses off reading them.
We have one to add. You have to say it serious, like a priest as mass.
"Jesus broke the bread and gave it to Obama and said take this and eat it. "
Komrades,
There are an increasing number of disappointed disidents disjoing and just plain dissing our Glorious Movement. They are making up poems and songs and actually
thinking for themselves. This must cease! The following poem was found this morn-ing on top a gulags retaining wall on the barbed wire next to the broken glass in the
only spot not covered by security cameras (someone will pay).
THE HALF BLACK HOUSE
THE OVAL OFFICE WILL BE GETTING SOME NEW DRAPES
IN MICHELLE'S FAVORITE COLORS: SALMON AND GRAPE
THE BOWLING ALLEY WHERE HE ALWAYS COMES UP SHORT
IS BEING REMODELED AS A BASKETBALL COURT
HE'LL PUT PUTIN IN A LAKERS UNIFORM
AND A NEW EAST WEST RIVALRY WILL BE BORN
HE CAN BE JORDAN, AMADINJHAD (sp) AS SHAQ
IT WON'T BE CLOSE, HE'S STILL HALF BLACK
AND DWIGHT D. EISENHOWER'S FAMOUS PUTTING GREEN
WILL HOLD THE BIGGEST I-POD THAT YOU HAVE EVER SEEN
THE GUARD DOGS WILL BE PITT-BULLS KEPT ON LOGGING CHAINS
AND AIR FORCE ONE IN SPINNER RIMS WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
THE SECRET SERVICE DETAIL THAT ALWAYS WORE BLACK
WILL SOON BE WEARING FUBU STRAIGHT OFF THE RACK
IF YOU THINK THIS WAS WRITTEN BY A CRAZY RIGHT WING HACK
DON'T THINK, DON'T TELL, DON'T EVEN HINT AND NEVER ASK BARACK
The re-education camp will stop his rhyming, ruin his timing: 5 years salt mining!
A Salt Lake City newspaper wrote about www.BestObamaFacts.com in a way that is so precious that we have to quote it in full. A little prehistory: some time ago an Internet domain collector Jeff Knight contacted us asking our permission to redirect his domain utahdemocrats.org to BestObamaFacts.com as a joke. We gave him our wholehearted and resolute approval.
Today he sent us this update, saying, "Komrade! The Komedy Kontinues!"
Perhaps Utah Democratic Party officials now wish they had accepted the offer of Internet domain collector Jeff Knight and purchased his utahdemocrats.org domain for the bargain-basement price of $200 a few months ago.
Because the Democrats told him, in so many words, to go fly a kite, this is what browsers looking for Democratic Party news will find when they stumble onto utahdemocrats.org:
"Best Heroic Facts About Obama":
* Every now and then, Obama opens his eyes and the world springs into existence.
* When a tree falls in the forest, Obama hears it.
* Obama can clap with one hand.
* Prometheus was punished for plagiarizing Obama.
* Obama can make a journey of a thousand miles without a single step.
* Socks worn by Obama are used for climbing walls in Spider-Man movies.
* "Obama" is the very first word in the English language to be a verb, adjective, noun, pronoun, adverb, interjection, superlative and pronad. (Pronad is a new category made specifically for the word "Obama" so its power can be fully realized.)
* When Obama squints dreamily into the distance, he can see next week's lottery winning numbers. But he never plays because that would mean poverty of ambition.
* Obama can calculate your guilt just by looking at the numbers in your checkbook.
* A microphone into which Obama has spoken heals asbestos-related disorders and colorectal cancer by direct application.
* Every time Obama talks about change, a baby diaper becomes clean and a homeless person's cup fills up with nickels.
* Every time Obama talks about "hope," coma patients regain consciousness and chant "We are the ones we've been waiting for."
There are actually 51 "descriptions," but I listed just a few for space purposes. Knight, of Cedar City, also has posted a "Community of Zen List," and here are a few of those:
* When the people learn to vote themselves money from the public trough, Obama will appear.
* Obama is not exactly what he seems, nor is he otherwise.
* Obama doesn't seek the truth, he puts an end to hurtful opinions.
* It takes a wise man to use his own words, but an even wiser man to use words spoken by others. And then there's Obama.
* The beginner's mind sees many opportunities in America. The expert's mind sees few opportunities. Then there's Obama's mind.
* To those who can correctly commiserate with the downtrodden, the whole universe surrenders.
Knight, who collects domains as a hobby, has at various times linked his utahdemocrats.org, Gop.org, MittRomney.com and JohnMcCain.com.
The actual Democratic Party Web site is UTdemocrats.org.
The uncontested absurdities of today are the accepted slogans
of tomorrow. They come to be accepted by degrees, by precedent,
by implication, by erosion, by default, by dint of constant
pressure on one side and constant retreat on the other -
until the day when they are suddenly declared to be the country's
official ideology. ~ Ayn Rand
Write down this number and report to your Kommissar at the nearest railroad station.
Don't forget warm clothes and a shovel!
NY Times, Newsweek offer editorial inoculations to concerned readers of Sarah Palin's book
Going Rogue: FEMA braces for massive outbreaks of Palin Derangement Syndrome
Following Fort Hood tragedy, Obama declares all military bases gun-free zones
Pelosi: we won.
Philies: so did we
Study: Global Warming linked to consumption of beans and beef patties
Pro-Obama gamers discover 'cheat codes' in U.S. Constitution
Police trained in using end of life counselingtechniques to negotiate suicide threats
Obama commits more troops to War on Fox News, still awaiting Afghan troop surge
Pass Rush: NFL okays Fidel Castro's bid to buy Miami Dolphins
Study: the road to hell paved with Nobel Peace Prizes
Obama wins Nobel Peace Prize. Wishing all our readers a Happy April First!
Roman Polanski named new School Safety Czar in wake of Jennings scandal
Charles Manson: 'Leave Polanski alone, hasn't he suffered enough?'
Obama loses Olympic bid, will try for Special Olympics next
Carter: if the IOC doesn't give the Olympics to Chicago, they're racists
Saudis: the word 'assassina- tion' will never be the same
Al Qaeda: 'We shove bombs up our butts'
Richard Gere denies Al Qaeda membership
Experts: assassin hid bomb in anal cavity adjacent to brain
Study: 90% of G20 protestors driven to Pittsburgh by mom
Ahmadinejad: Iran needs enriched uranium to purchase large IKEA sofa
Obama: If we don't bomb Iran now, we'll never pass healthcare reform
Taliban hires DC lobbyist in effort to get Obama's attention
Missile defense: Czechs angry at Obama for being canceled
Media study: Caucasian toddlers are more likely to cut eye-holes into "blankies"
Democrat strategist: 9 out of 10 white infants prefer cross burning over mother's milk
Mahmoud’s Liquidation Warehouse: 50% off Israel - this weekend only - it won’t last long
Obama: Black kids still forced to beat people up at back
of bus
Charlie Gibson: Neil Armstrong went where?
Obamacare, it’s finger-licking good!
Ben and Jerry release 'Hate Monger Bigot' flavor to celebrate those who support traditional marriage
'Shiver me Timbers!': Somalia unveils People's Institute for Redistribution, Adventurism & Thalassic Extortion (PIRATE)
Energy Czar: to save energy, the light at the end of the tunnel will be turned off
Other 49 states impose carbon tax on California due to wildfire smoke
Following Scotland's lead, US Justice Dept releases Charles Manson, citing battle with chronic hemorrhoids
Obama to media: Please respect our girls' privacy, especially Mr. Letterman
Teachable moment: Obama to hold 'beer summit' between offended Post Office and UPS
Taliban sends protesters to Afghan town hall meetings in attempt to get Obama administration to withdraw Gotham villains working for the Common Good™
White House recalibrates description of town hall protesters from 'terrorists' to 'man-made Nazi fascist pigs'
Experts: when buying Astroturf, remember to look for the Union LabelNational-socialist health care?
Drudge insulates self from White House anger by naming his site MoveOn.Drudge
ABC greenlights epic 12-part miniseries based on Beer Summit
Moveon.org petitions Dems to leave Bush/Cheney alone and 'move on to pressing issues facing the nation'
Palin: Critics ipso facto are quitters
Honduran ex-president Zelaya holds press- conference, presents birth certificate for examination
Cambridge: fighting racial bias, Obama picks black scholar Henry Louis Gates as Door Jigging Czar
Obama: white cop acted like inexperienced rookie, but being one I may be biased
On the international front: Obama brings back Cold War, switches sides
Signs of recovery: WH study finds number of searches for 'economic depression' on Google lower than it could have been under FDR
Obama inherited broken teleprompter from George W Bush
Zelaya: we support the democratically-elected President of the USA, even though he has strongly opposed American policies
Eco group 'Earth First' protests burying non- biodegradeable body of Michael Jackson under the ground
Study: Media orgasm over Michael Jackson's death oddly appropriate
SPONSORED BY:
Secretary of the Interior vows to turn Neverland Ranch into 'King of Pop' National Monument
Riots in Iran: Obama invokes Starfleet Prime Directive - non-interference with social development of native planet even at the cost of own life
Obama hurts a fly, forgets to read Miranda rights
ACLU: fly murder by slapping unconstitutional
Obama mistakes Inspector General for a private CEO, orders him to resign
DHS simplifies procedures, cuts learning curve, renames all terrorism 'right-wing'
Earth may collide with Venus in 3.5 billion years. We must act NOW!!!
CBS study: statutory rape jokes not as hilarious as previously thought
White House tree commits suicide over economic policy
Obama: 'I inherited this tree from George W. Bush'
Obama to economy: 'make like a tree and collapse'
In Cairo, Obama promotes shovel-ready projects for Muslim communities
Obama's comment linking Islam to algebra sets off anti-Islam riots in US inner-city schools
Keith Olbermann rises to #1 on Larry Craig's 'Top ten liberals I'd like to sodomize' list
Ahmadinejad hands out potatoes to corner Irish-Iranian vote
Lady Justice undergoes extreme makeover on TV, becomes sexier, more empathetic, less blind visit our new Che Heart store
Obama: "We must work to rid the world of nuclear weapons and of Israel too while we're at it"
Obama to impose a cap on temperatures for patients in government-subsidized hospitals
Brady Campaign to Prevent Cereal Violence applauds gov't crackdown on cheerios, calls for registration of cereal bowls
Obama's rich supporters chagrined to find he's a class worrior and not the cynical hypocrite they'd counted on
Congress nationalizes DeBeers, changes marketing slogan to 'government programs are forever'
Sen. Specter: 'we could be energy-independent by now if Republicans invested in eternal engine research'
Kentucky Derby winner admits to having no specific strategy: I just kept repeating 'hope' and 'change' and I won... wow!
Never waste a good crisis: Obama uses swine flu epidemic to put a mask on Joe Biden
Study: exposure to pork- barrel projects heightens risk of catching swine flu
Islamic scholars green-light use of government pork by Muslim groups: 'not haram'
DHS Napolitano's preferred man-made disaster color warnings: chocolate, vanilla, strawberryDow Jones rally prompted by record sales of tea bags on April 15
WH: Obama's handshake with Saudi King looked like a bow as King Abdullah's arms are twice as long as human arms but atrophy prevents useDHS tip on spotting a right- wing extremist: watch out for the one carrying a paycheck
Opposed to teabagging, Pelosi accepts motion to expel Congressperson Barney Frank
Spring cleaning tip: don't forget to change your scientific consensus from winter setting "climate change" to summer setting "global warming"
Obama uses old Bush-era teleprompter for Baghdad speech
Segway and GM launch a 2-wheeled contraceptive
Obama's stern reaction to North Korea missile launch: "I'm tellin'!"Lenin laughs ass off over crisis in capitalism Scientists: Lenin statue expelled no harmful gases, only dialectical materialism Obama gives Queen a shovel click here NBC: We are all Special Olympians now, especially Olbermann
Obama's teleprompter caught moonlighting as AmEx spokesperson: 'Don’t leave home without it'
click here for the story Alabama gunman was trying to 'be more like Europeans' After shootings, EU threatens potential mass murderes with increased paperwork and red tape Oil prices rising; most viable solution is blame Limbaugh Obama to bring Cuba in from the cold; political prisoners to remain outside Healthcare crisis: Planned Parenthood forced to offer 2 abortions for the price of 1; 50% off if you refer a friend Hillary presents Russian Foreign Minister Lavrov with the People's Cube CLICK HERE FOR THE STORY Obama's Reaganesque address: "I've just declared peace on the Soviet Union. The bonging will start in five minutes" Satellite launched to confirm global warming: finds none, crashes in Antarctica in protest Al-Qaeda founder discovers DNC playbook, attacks own side in war an terror Obama to slash deficit after increase; firefighters to quench house after setting fire to it
Treasury Dept buys Monopoly board game for policy advice Democrats pay back their constituents, save faltering squeegee businesses from collapsing
Muslim group offended by pork hidden in stimulus package, threatens revenge Obama appoints guilt czar to oversee fair distribution of guilt among all Americans Size matters: stimulus package so big it won't even fit on Drudge No help from Obama to storm-ravaged Kentucky; officials consider renaming state to New Orleans in effort to get attention Politico: volcano trouble in Alaska a result of Palin's policies MoveOn adopts Bush's cowboy diplomacy: 'You're either with Obama or Rush' Obama urges liberals to start listening to Rush Limbaugh: 'all too often we start by dictating on issues and don't always know all the factors involved. So let's listen.' More bad economic news: area antiwar group lays off its bumper sticker makers Dissent no longer patriotic: Obama Reminder to Hollywood celebrities: must change 'patriotic' setting from 'hate America' to 'love America' on Jan. 20 Obama promises to Photoshop a better future for America You won't be told lies if you don't ask questions: Obama's new media policy Personals: senate seats available in NY & Il. Hardly ever used. Cash OK. Change we can believe in: Clinton 1990s staffers Somali pirates hijack international space station Starting with 11/5/08, the cor- rect progressive greeting in America is "Barack Obama!" The reply is "Obama Barack!" Laika the Space Dog consi- dered for new White House pet: "Thoroughly vetted by Bill Ayers" CHANGE: President-elect Obama crushes Yankee imperialism in a landslide
Seven Obama cousins found living in voting boothUS choppers attack ACORN voter registration center in Syria US military: We decided to strike now because this time next year we’ll be a Peace Keeping force Biden predicts severe test for Obama in first six months: another question from Joe the Plumber Obama: Let he who is without wealth cash the first check! Joe Biden: work is a four-letter word
FBI investigates Mickey Mouse Club for voter fraud Embarrassed ACORN accidentally registers 'Ronald Reagan' Kids' hymns to Obama a success of Democrat strategy: If you can't abort them, indoctrinate them World to USA: 'Fix world ecomonic crisis so we can get back to hating you' Obama's campaign invites opponents to play 'Truth or Jail' Biden: Hoover text-messaged Americans to calm fears during 1929 crashDead support Obama, all are registered to vote by ACORN Biden calls taxes patriotic Study: Jesus spoke without a telepromter Obama promises free lipstic for everybody if elected KARAOKE: These Are The Jerks We Call Journalists Obama's negotiations with Gustav prove fruitful; storm spares "French Quarter" Feminist group: Sarah Palin worst mother since June Cleaver; decried as "too feminine" Obama: leave Bristol alone, she has been punished enough with a baby Putin shoots tiger with Polonium-laced dart Obama: ready from day one to place a call to UN if a US city is nuked Cult of personality at the People's Cube is up 90% compared to previous Five-Year Plan Congress established windfall tax on US gold medals International Olympic Committee to redistribute Phelp's ill-gotten golds to less fortunate athletes Obama beats Hillary to coveted CPUSA endorsement February 2050 declared White History Month. Future headlines expected to read "Minorities hardest hit... and deservedly so." Obama denounces Russia's actions; humbled Russia sends self to Gulag US trade deficit dropped; NYT instructs readers to turn paper upside down for more favorable view of graph Sharpton protests disproportionate deaths of Bernie Mac and Isaac Hayes, calls for immediate deaths of David Letterman and Billy Joel to even score Science to unveil invisible cloak; Conservative White Christian male in NJ says he's been invisible for years NYT: Russia's invasion of Georgia leaves much smaller carbon footprint than US invasion of Iraq Larry the Cable Guy issues call to "man the pick up trucks" as Russia invades Georgia Edwards claims he was having affair with camera, didn't notice woman attached Chavez's parents cut off Hugo's credit card after Moscow shopping binge Oil industry to Pelosi: You've been given a brain. Use it or lose it. Congress to declare July 19th International Swimmers' Day
How many superdelegates does it take to change a lightbulb? Photoshopped Iranian missile saves 25% on Islamic Republic's carbon footprint
Word of the day: HUSSIES n. Female Obama supporters changing their middle names to HusseinObama: we have always been at peace with Hillary ClintonGrand Rapids Mayor George Heartwell vows city will be "vanilla" when rebuilt Media grows impatient with Iowa's lack of flood-related rapes and pillaging: Why can't they be more like New Orleans? CNN investigates Iowans caught blowing FEMA debit cards at Tractor Supply Company Obama: WTC problem ended on 9/11, Pentagon still a problemHillary supporters organize against Obama Janet Reno congratulates Elian Gonzalez on joining Cuba's Young Communists
Dick Durbin denies that being Hell's spokesperson and moonlighting as a Democrat Senator presents a conflict of interest Flooding in Iowa causes typical white people to turn bitter and cling to evacuation procedures Democrat energy policy: let them eat cake Monica Lewinsky endorses Obama: 'This is not the Bill Clinton I knew' NASA unveils 'ass-crack' space suit for plumbing repairs at int'l space station Dead people at Obama's rally identified as a renegade splinter group of Hillary's 'invisible Americans' Howard Dean: dead people will vote Democrat no matter who gets the nomination Mainstream media silent on increased attacks on US troops by mainstream media Sen. Kennedy under treatment. Mary Jo still dead Muanmar drafts Mayor Nagin and Gov. Blanco to help with cyclone clean up New Orleans Mayor sends school buses to Myanmar As Darfur violence surges, world vows not to give a crap unless the US gets involved Chinese citizens crushed by bricks and rubble; tanks have day off
Friendly fire: BBC office hit by al-Qaeda rocket Al Gore knows what caused Burma cyclone but won't say it International community promises to suspend anti- Americanism until after American aid reaches Burma Mainstream media saddened that Austrian pedophile isn't a Catholic priest, a Baptist minister, or a GOP senator
North Korea's nuclear technicians protest outsourcing jobs to Syria Earth Day: save the planet, starve the children! Focus group: if water boarding was a sexual preference, they'd be teaching it in public schools Study: Wall Street losses unfairly target the rich Mixed month for MTV: teen pregnancy drops, however STDs are on the rise Obama pledges to give every typical small town family a possum sandwich Delays at American Airlines: a sneak peak into proposed government healthcare Stop and smell the Sharpies Obama: baby is punishment; tax increase is bundle of joy Media: this year's Global Bad News Awareness week to overlap with International Good News Obliviousness month NPR journalists go on truckers-style protest over high price of lattes Most popular April Fools joke: "A Democrat president won't raise taxes" Obama denounced extreme statements in Osama's new tape but urged voters to listen to the entire message before making judgment Obama's speech calls for change in stereotyping "the typical White person" Spitzer denies applying hardball tactics in front of bathroom mirror and threatening to come after himself New York State House retires Spitzer's #9 jersey KKK endorses Harvard's gym segregation policy: 'Blacks and Jews are next' London quake caused by SUV, now impounded by Scotland Yard Hillary's healthcare plan to include smelling salts for Obama's supporters and mandatory amputation of Chris Matthews' leg USMail Service to publish Obama's resume on new stamp Obama: one man's plagiarism is another man's audacity Candidate Barry O'Bama to court Irish vote Berkeley ousting US Marines gives hope to al Qaeda: 'If hippies can do it, so can we!' Berkley builds wall around self; man trying to flee 'Peace Sanctuary City' shot at checkpoint John McCain apologizes for going to Vietnam, earns Jane Fonda's endorsement To avoid scorn and ridicule, Tom Cruise converts to Islam NY Times: Backward, close-minded, inbred southern hicks vote for Obama NY Times: All the news that's fit to pimp Dems offer first female for President, first Black for President, first pretty pony for Attorney General Brokeback Mountain loses climber NASA's Spirit Rover finds Dennis Kucinich campaign on MarsLas Vegas: candidates offer plans to bail out flustered gamblers Feds: subprime borrowers' relief package to include subprime rib Silence in Cuba: Castro too ill to speak in public, Cubans too afraid to speak Dems adopt old British "don't mention the war" strategy for '08 campaign Obama's 'Take a penny, leave a penny' economic plan sparks new hope Obama's campaign hires homeless people to talk about change on street corners Panhandlers Union endorses Obama's plan for change Al Gore's children receive carbon credits for Winter Solstice Holiday Democrats call for troop surge in the War on Bush Murtha: if we quit now, capitalism will win Pelosi declares she likes class war, pledges to stay the course Expert blames Republicans for not attacking all Democrat candidates equally High school Meth teacher starts new class Holy Mitt! Violence in Iraq down 60%; media stories reporting this down 6000% Imus covers all bases by hiring undocumented-Black- Jewish-homeless- transgendered-vegan- disabled-obese-Kartina- victim as a sidekick Poll: most Muslims find curvature of Riemannian manifolds offensive "How The Grinch Redistributed Winter Solstice" opens on Broadway Left-wing bloggers hold vigil hoping suspect is connected to GOP candidate Hostage situation expected to be politicized in the next 20 minutes "Mall security" takes over operations in Baghdad New study suggests that 1 US gallon of Latte is 170 times more expensive than 1 US gallon of Regular gasoline. Al Gore sterilizes self to protect planet: 'Having children is selfish' NY Times: some news is fitter to print than others Study: most Americans will be worried about economy if told so often enough Musharraf changes name to Chavez to avoid being called "dictator" by MSM and Democrats in US Congress Media changes old adage "no news is good news" to "no good news is news" US Congress extends hurricane season until the first Sunday in November Lack of bad news from Iraq causes media recession. Women and minority journalists hardest hit. LA Times drops term "wild" describing fire, uses "undocumented" fire instead USA Today: big fires are getting bigger, small fires are getting smaller Reid: Global Warming caused fire by overheating arsonist's head, provoking delusional paranoia MoveOn.org pressures Congress to stop fighting fire and bring firemen home Reid: The war on fire is lost Pelosi: The number of fires has gone up since we started fighting fire Kerry: If you don't do well in school you'll get stuck fighting fire in California NY Times: Fighting fire creates even more fires Harry Reid auctions clothes, furniture, car on eBay in effort to make millions off his name. "If Limbaugh can do it so can I." No takers so far. Princess Leia Organa presents the Alderaanian Medal of Honor to Al Gore Did Che Guevara descend from Prophet Mohammed? San Andreas Fault in California preemptively renamed George Bush's Fault Media Matters editor blows self up over Limbaugh's 'bomber' remark End of Ramadan brings new rioting season to France Harry Reid bangs shoe on table: "We will bury you!" Dutch follow Ahmadinejad's lead, declare "there are no dykes in Holland" Ahmadinejad to Amerika: "Don't tase me, bro!" Bomb Girl and Taser Boy sell rights to their characters to Marvel Comics Cindy Sheehan hires Bomb Girl and Taser Boy as image consultants CBS stands by firing of Dan Rather: "He couldn't tell our logo from a hole in the ground" Jessie Jackson on Obama: "too White." Obama on Jackson: "I'm a smoke dat biatch if I see him"
Tasered victim at John Kerry's speech to receive Purple Heart Mugabe blames Zimbabwe's meltdown on Global Warming To stomp out possible confusion, MSM changes spelling of Obama to Ubama Craving acceptance from liberals, General Petraeus gains 300lbs and debuts report at Cannes. George Soros stops funding Democrats, converts to Islam Edwards: 41% of American children don't have lawyers John Edwards proposes "single payer" trial lawyer insurance for all, mandatory pre-jurisprudence care Illegal aliens kill people Americans won't killDemocrats select 2008 presidential slogan: "Death to America" Larry "Happy Feet" Craig uses Michael Flatley's Riverdance defense "Americans Coming Together" admit they had timing issues Presbyterian clergy issue fatwah calling for Pope's deathNew Jersey teen cracked iPhone with his face Vick awaits doggie-style welcome in prison Rock star behaves like rap star: huge media outcry China's recall of defective Daily Kos bloggers causes suicides among Democrat strategists Al Gore to recall the Internet Media declares September National Bridge Awareness Month First New Orleans, now Minnesota: Anderson Cooper travels up the Mississippi without a paddle Ray Nagin pledges to build a chocolate bridge instead William Jefferson spotted under collapsed bridge retrieving mystery package Cannibalism, rape, looting, republicanism rampant in Minneapolis Lindsay Lohan to enter astronaut training program Nigeria's plan to nationalize local spam industry sparks massive riots in Lagos
Democrat Congress's two major victories: minimum wage increase and al-Qaeda's restored operating capability London Mayor Livingston mandates Sharia law at nightclubs to prevent further bombings Taliban spokesman blames media bias as civilian deaths from US air strikes grab headlines: "Taliban has murdered thousands of civilians and we can't even get mentioned on Countdown with Olbermann. What gives?"Back alley massage parlors now offering "better ending than Sopranos" Bush to close Gitmo, detainees released into Mexican custody to be put on fast track to US citizenship
Study: Dan rather still unable to tell the difference between Paris Hilton and Katie Couric Civil war in Gaza: if it's not in Iraq why report it? US media increasingly impatient at lack of civil war in IraqUS Embassy in Syria warns of sex attacks. So how long will Bill be visiting for? Delighted Dems: "The surge has failed!"MSM spokesman: There are no civil war clashes in Gaza! Palestinians still wonder why their real civil war can't knock Iraq "civil war" off the front page As Albanians welcome Bush and show love for USA, NY Times offers them free subscriptions to "solve problem" Paris gets out of jail faster than an illegal immigrant Socialist utopia takes foothold in Venezuela as water cannons salute victory Pelosi: "I've seen climate change." John Fogerty of CCR also wants to know "if she's ever seen rain" Democrats call for troop withdrawal from Jersey Harry Reid: "Troop presence in New Jersey creating more terrorists" French riot police deployed as open minded, tolerant socialists expected to react to election results Progressives concerned with Sarkozy's "extremist agenda " of rule of law and assimilation to French culture Dems: War needs deadline; only social policies can run indefinitely Sheryl Crow to wipe out global warming one butt at a time Va Tech lessons for MSM: must ban guns, rich kids ACLU calls for calm, fears backlash against innocent gun owners: 'all gun owners aren't terrorists' Liberal groups join gun tolerance and awareness workshops Gun owners converting to Islam in droves to ward off profiling Sharp jump in number of 'non-decapitated' babies following Supreme Court decision Sharpton makes a list of 57 Don Imus sympathizers on public airwaves Al Gore and John Kerry agree: people who live in greenhouses should not expel noxious gases Al Gore hired by K-Y to pro- mote Global Warming Jelly New study shows Earth's 'fever' contagious; Mars asks planets to kick 'Greenhouse Mary' out of solar system Schumer demands Karl Rove be indicted on 1976 parking ticket Al Qaeda reacts to Schumer attack: "Thank Allah we're not Republicans!" Dems: Khalid Sheik Mohamed just watched too many episodes of 24 and made all that stuff in his confession up Fitzgerald to prosecute Ann Coulter for disclosing identity of presidential candidate John Edwards Following Scooter Libby success, media demands journalists be included on all future juries Kent State professor calls for bin Laden victory: time to bring in the National Guard again? Hollywood to America: our moral issues are better than your moral issues Obama promises to "purge himself" if he loses to Hillary to spare the public a lengthy trial House vote: Insurgents react with non-binding IED Democrat leaders don't support terrorists but they support their mission North Korea agrees to nuclear disarmament, media hails Madeleine Albright Bush: I support Democrat majority - but not their mission Is it time for Pinochet yet? Helen Thomas to be inducted into Museum of Natural History
buy a T-shirt
Every time Obama talks about change, a baby diaper becomes clean and a homeless person's cup fills up with nickels.
In the movies, Obama's part is played by Robert Redford.
When Obama speaks about universal healthcare, the risk of cardiovascular diseases decreases by 58 percent, and the risk of cancer decreases by 60 percent.
There is no beginning to Obama nor end to Barack; There is no beginning to Barack nor end to Obama.
Experts: assassin hid bomb in anal cavity adjacent to brain
buy this sticker
Al-Qaeda founder discovers DNC playbook, attacks own side in war an terror
Murtha: if we quit now, capitalism will win
New Jersey teen cracked iPhone with his face
MSM spokesman: There are no civil war clashes in Gaza!
Helen Thomas to be inducted into Museum of Natural History
