Attention workers, peasants, and toiling unwashed intelligentsia! On Monday, July 30, 2007 our Party Organ was spotted by Rush Limbaugh, the biggest neo-imperialist criminal capitalist running dog of them all. The notorious author of See I Told You So described our "Founding Fathers" illustration by saying "It's a great, great, great cartoon because this is how libs see America today." See it here: Story #7: Great Editorial Cartoon on the Founding Fathers. He thought it was a parody!
~
He also referred to our ideology as "liberal." Just to clarify, we are a powerful Party Organ cemented by the most severe Party discipline. Our tight collective tolerates no limp-wrist candy-assed pansy liberals! We are doctors of dictatorship in charge of an outpatient Gulag facility whose mission is to cure weak liberalism with strong communism!
The good news is, we haven't been fully compromised, so heads shall not roll this time. The digital image in Rush's nicotine-stained fingers had not been signed. As a result, instead of referring his right-wing extremist listeners to The People's Cube, the notorious radical truth detector stated, "I don't know who did this, but..."
Indeed, why should it matter who did it? As Lenin used to say, Art belongs to the People™! Megadittoes to that!
Um... did that last thing sound right? Anyway, thank Marx he didn't read the story the picture was meant to illustrate!
Rush Limbaugh's transcript preparer wrote
Story #7: Great Editorial Cartoon on the Founding Fathers
RUSH: I have a great, great editorial cartoon here. I don't know who did this, but you've seen the painting of the Founding Fathers in Philadelphia at Constitution Hall, drafting the Constitution, discussing it among themselves. Benjamin Franklin is in there, all these guys. "Gentlemen, I just came up with a brilliant conspiracy," says one of the founders to the group. "Why don't we split from the British crown, become founders of a nation that will cause all of the world's wars, crime, corruption, slavery, disease, torture, murder, assassinations, racism, sexism, violence, environmental destruction, cannibalism, and manmade hurricanes for all eternity? That's the kind of country we want."
Benjamin Franklin says, "Yeah, and then steal all their oil."
Another Founder says, "Sounds like a plan."
It's a great, great, great cartoon because this is how libs see America today. It's exactly how they see it.
As Comrade Holmes said conservative talk radio gives him "crazy ideas." Those "crazy ideas" are actual thoughts, comrades. I think we are all in agreement that "thinking" is clearly a counter revolutionary activity. It leads to things like free markets, private property, technological advancement, morales, and the barbaric on concept know as "competition." "Competition" leads to a greater barbaric counter revolutionary activities such as curling tournaments.
No, the Founding Fathers were indeed hard Communist. Trust me, we have the documents to back up that they were violent atheist PETA activist who flirted with eco-terrorism among other things. Did I mention that they were all gay as well? Yes, not only were they gay, they also indulged in sexual activities with early Appliance-Americans (Theocritus can back me up on this, he would know).
We are now coming under the radar of the big fascist kapitalist dogs? Quick! We need more picket signs! More pictures!
And wait! When did we decide that the founding fathers were strong communist? Looking over The Peoples Archives ™, it looked to me that we found out that they were right-winged, neo-fascist, businessmen who owned slaves. Was the current truth updated without my notification?
No, the Founding Fathers were indeed hard Communist.
Chairman, I wish I could agree with your assessment that the Founding Fathers were open minded, progressive and tolerant Communists like ourselves, but I'm not sure. Didn't they protest against taxes?! All true Communists (and liberals) love taxes, for they spread the wealth. But the Founding Fathers dared to question the good natured King George III as he sought their money for the Common Good. What's more, is that if I remember, the Founding Fathers overreacted to taxes in the same fashion the Zionist imperialists overreacted about two of their missing a year ago against Hamas peace activists.
Ugh... Didn't everyone get the memo this morning? I do recall my secretary (the one I'm sleeping with) sending out a memo to everyone that the Founding Fathers were Communist. <sigh> I think everyone here is missing the point, so allow *me* to refresh everyone on what the point is.
Errhmmm... <hack>.... OK, if *I* say the Founding Fathers were Communist, then by golly the Founding Fathers were (and still are by the power of Lenin) Communist... PERIOD! If I say the sky is green the sky, by my word, is green... PERIOD! If Chairman (*me*) speaketh, then so shall it be written and so it shall become instant truth. This is how things are done, comrades.
Right now textbooks are being amended and the Children are reading the tales of George Washington advocating for a Vegan way of life while fighting the Imperial British Exploiters. Then, the next day, the Children will read about how George Washington was a very bad man and how King George was really George Washington all along. See, it is whatever we say it is and that is all it is. We take crap, place it in a shiny wrapper and call it truth and force the masses to choke on it. That is what we do and each and every one of you should be happy to have such a noble duty to perform.
No, the Founding Fathers were indeed hard Communist. Trust me, we have the documents to back up that they were violent atheist PETA activist who flirted with eco-terrorism among other things. Did I mention that they were all gay as well? Yes, not only were they gay, they also indulged in sexual activities with early Appliance-Americans (Theocritus can back me up on this, he would know).
LOL
I think we all know that Jeffersons middle name was "Fascist" and that he like to bang his black slaves in the pooper.
If that is not the mark of a true fascist warmonger, I don't know what is.
That Fascist White Christian Male Neo-Nazi, Warmonger Wound wrote
I think we all know that Jeffersons middle name was "Fascist" and that he like to bang his black slaves in the pooper.
This goes to show that Comrade Jefferson's middle name was "Communist" as he was demonstrating his compassion for the down trodden.
And we all know that the majority of women of color are exceptionally open minded when it pertains to sexuality. This is something that I can personally attest to given my current relationship with an African-American woman. Therefore, I give a hearty Party salute to the late Comrade President Jefferson for his exceptional good taste in women.
Isn't there a small country somewhere in the world that you should be goose-stepping through right now, Warmonger? One with brown skin people that you want to subjugate and exploit? After all, it's what you do best.
No, the Founding Fathers were indeed hard Communist. Trust me, we have the documents to back up that they were violent atheist PETA activist who flirted with eco-terrorism among other things. Did I mention that they were all gay as well? Yes, not only were they gay, they also indulged in sexual activities with early Appliance-Americans (Theocritus can back me up on this, he would know).
Let's get back to the problem at hand, Meow. Which should determining what our response is going to be now that Rush-zilla is on to us.
I know sure fire way to drive Rush-zilla nutz-o! Put a string of Kentucky Fried Chicken buckets filled with extra crispy "white meat" from The Party's™ bunker to Pelosivich's dacha. Once he lumbers and staggers to Comrade Pelosivich's pad, we can fire up some popcorn, sit back and relax, and enjoy the show. I'll bring a fresh batch of Party™ approved margaritas.
Ugh... Didn't everyone get the memo this morning? I do recall my secretary (the one I'm sleeping with) sending out a memo to everyone that the Founding Fathers were Communist.
Sorry Chairman... uhh...the memo got lost in the mail...that's it! Actually, I think I heard that before. Come to think of it, I remember seeing a chant on a blog maintained by some useful idiots prior to the Nov. 7 revolution, "this country was founded by liberals, time to take it back!!" Although the current Party accepted definition of 'liberal' is different then what it was in the 1770s, our faithful revolutionary bloggers were too ignorant to know this.
I think some idiot sold us out to Rush, comrades. Oh yes, I think we have a saboteur in our midst and I for one will refuse to bathe until this saboteur makes him/her/itself known to the collective!
Ugh... Didn't everyone get the memo this morning? I do recall my secretary (the one I'm sleeping with) sending out a memo to everyone that the Founding Fathers were Communist. <sigh> I think everyone here is missing the point, so allow *me* to refresh everyone on what the point is.
[Expletive]! I didn't get the transmission from Laika the Space Dog because tin foil hat was on wrong. I have to find a hot glue gun so my tin foil hat will stay on my turban.
Nansky, dear, you remember what happened the last time that you refused to bathe? Well, that was the time that you got so shit-faced drunk on Absolut that your dugs were dragging the ground and cooties were crawling up them, and Mr. Reno made Bruno pick them off one by one. He wouldn't oblige me for months after that and I nearly went straight.
Of course now any time that I want to punish him, for, say, when he swallows a bite of food before he springs to get me another drink, I merely unroll a a tattered old air sock and he shrieks and runs from the room, and you haven't seen anything until you've seen a #280 man with a 50" chest shrieking like a five-year-old girl in Space Mountain or seeing My Little Pony sent to the glue factory.
But that wasn't the worst of it. Remember that the effluvium caused all the fruit flies (shut up, Meow) in Texas to come and circle you? The National Weather Service called a tornado, or actually an anticyclone because they were circling from the left.
And Meow, I quite agree that truth is what I say it is, but when I say I, I mean I. I love and respect you, fellow comrade, but after all, truth is defined by Me. And don't you forget it, comrades, or I'll have your pictures cut out of the Soviet encyclopedia.
If Rush Limbaugh were a womyn I would love to have her over for supper and maybe a movie... a movie with her and me in it. Would you like to be in my movie, Theocritus? Lady Rush and I will need someone to make sure the bath water is warm enough... oh, and also hold the video camera among other things.
Nansky, dear, you remember what happened the last time that you refused to bathe? Well, that was the time that you got so shit-faced drunk on Absolut that your dugs were dragging the ground and cooties were crawling up them, and Mr. Reno made Bruno pick them off one by one. He wouldn't oblige me for months after that and I nearly went straight.
Of course now any time that I want to punish him, for, say, when he swallows a bite of food before he springs to get me another drink, I merely unroll a a tattered old air sock and he shrieks and runs from the room, and you haven't seen anything until you've seen a #280 man with a 50" chest shrieking like a five-year-old girl in Space Mountain or seeing My Little Pony sent to the glue factory.
But that wasn't the worst of it. Remember that the effluvium caused all the fruit flies (shut up, Meow) in Texas to come and circle you? The National Weather Service called a tornado, or actually an anticyclone because they were circling from the left.
And Meow, I quite agree that truth is what I say it is, but when I say I, I mean I. I love and respect you, fellow comrade, but after all, truth is defined by Me. And don't you forget it, comrades, or I'll have your pictures cut out of the Soviet encyclopedia.
Theo,
If Nancsky refuses to bathe again, I'm hopping on the next plane to Texas and bringing my flame thrower (and I don't mean "Drag Queen". Shut Up, Meow!) with me and hose her down (Shut Up, Meow!).
Now I am confused, Theo. For decades I have had to listen to all of our useful idiots and the other left-leaning pinheads drivel on and on about how truth is relative and how we all define for ourselves what truth is. Certainly you can see how that is oxymoronic times 2 (Shut Up, Meow!).
No, Theo! The Party™ is a collective. Therefore, we put forward our ideas as to what the truth is and the full Politburo will vote to approve or disapprove, if we can ever get Chairman Meow to shut the hell up with all this pontificating he has been on as of late.
Meow,
WTF is up with you lately? Did Dr. Palimpsest change your meds recently? Do not force The Party™ to order me to drive down there to Richmond, again, to investigate and report back on your "activities". I'm still pissed off at you for the last incident where I had to smooth things over with Comrade Gov. Tim Kaine (S-VA). Just because she did not inform you that she was 14 and the Comrade Governor's daughter is no excuse. Next time check her ID!!! Even "Frog Face" (Sen Jim Webb (S-VA)) called me to beg me to spin the damage control on that and keep it quite. And you know how I hate having to talk to that two-faced, duplicitous, back stabbing, bastard Frog Face.
I'm still pissed off at you for the last incident where I had to smooth things over with Comrade Gov. Tim Kaine (S-VA). Just because she did not inform you that she was 14 and the Comrade Governor's daughter is no excuse.
Now, now, Comrade Zam, I have apologized on several occasions for that incident and will remind everyone that I was trying to hook up with his wife. Sure, I would have settled for the dog, but unfortunately for me the dog was not interested in a getaway cruise or the advances I was making towards her. Come to think of it, I'm still suffering from the dog bite I received that ill-fated night and deeply regret the whole affair.
Comrade Zam wrote
Even "Frog Face" (Sen Jim Webb (S-VA)) called me to beg me to spin the damage control on that and keep it quite. And you know how I hate having to talk to that two-faced, duplicitous, back stabbing, bastard Frog Face.
Frog face? We can only be so lucky to have Lieutenant Dan as our Senator. Why, we could have gotten stuck with mildly retarded Bob Casey instead! Yes sir, Jim Webb (Born Fighting) is a useful addition to our collective and can help make us look like we are Supportin' the Troops. Jim Webb is my friend and a good pal... Pauline, hold that cue card a little higher, I can't see it the script... OK, good... Where was I, oh yes, Jim Webb is a decorated veteran and blah blah blah he should be President one day.
Meow, if you start doing dogs, you could get together with Our Many Titted Empress and Mr. Reno, and I will hold the camera. Boy will I hold the camera...Bruno! Bruno! Do you have those air-sickness bags I stole off Our Empress who stole them from Air Force One when she stole the humidor....
I just realized that we could easily hide an emergency meeting of our Friends in Congress at the Madison Square Garden Dog Show, on the purloined-letter effect.
Comrades, I've made a discovery. I've determined that Our Many Titted Empress really does have a soft and cuddly side to her, if you can tell which side is which for one field of cellulite looks much like another, unless you get out the flour. Can you use that with a dog, Meo? A fat dog? A flying fat dog in Air Force One? Shut up Zam. Because Hillary stole the presidential HUMIDOR which was the source for the cigars that Bill stuck in la Lewinsky's snatch.
Smokin'.
Where's Jim Carey when you need him? Oh. Probably married. Ask Rock Hudson how that's done.
Sure, I would have settled for the dog, but unfortunately for me the dog was not interested in a getaway cruise or the advances I was making towards her. Come to think of it, I'm still suffering from the dog bite I received that ill-fated night and deeply regret the whole affair.
ARGH!!!! THAT WASN'T THE DOG! It was Chelsea Clinton, you substance abusing perv!!!! Yeah, I know she looks like a cross breed between a Collie and a Pug, but she was have a sleep over at the Comrade Governor's Mansion.
Chairman Meow, now sobered up ... again wrote
Frog face? We can only be so lucky to have Lieutenant Dan as our Senator. Why, we could have gotten stuck with mildly retarded Bob Casey instead! Yes sir, Jim Webb (Born Fighting) is a useful addition to our collective and can help make us look like we are Supportin' the Troops. Jim Webb is my friend and a good pal... Pauline, hold that cue card a little higher, I can't see it the script... OK, good... Where was I, oh yes, Jim Webb is a decorated veteran and blah blah blah he should be President one day.
Now, now, Meow! You do NOT need cue cards to read from to help you express your thoughts on Comrade Senator Jim Webb.
Comrade Sen. Jim Webb (S-VA) (a.k.a. Frog Face) is a man of conviction and principle. As you know ...
*thump* *tumble* *crash* *thud*
Damn it! Nancski is drunk again and she knocked the tele-prompter over. Hold on a sec...
*rattle* *rustle* *thump*
Where was I? Oh.. yeah... As you know those principles and convictions were forged in battle. When he was Secretary of the Navy, it was his strong convictions that made him stab President Reagan in the back. This is the kind of man that The Party™ needs in the U.S. Senate.
I stand shoulder to shoulder with our glorious Comrade Senator (I just do not turn my back on him) in our mutual struggle against capitalism and freedom.
Come and listen to a story about a man named Red.
Poor Communist who could barely keep his family feed
And then one day while on the radio
Down to the ground went a Capitalist fool!
Rush Limbaugh, that is.
Capitalist Pig. Anti-Socialist Swine
I have not got the talent like Laika does to do all of this, but you all should get where I am going with this.
To Comrade Red I say: Well done, Comrade!!! Well done!!!! You put that fat capitalist pig right where he belonged!!! Today, Limbaugh!!! Tomorrow, Sean Hannity!!!!!!!!
Or Bill Bennett. But I have hope that Senator Durbin, one of us, red of tooth and claw, will manage to resurrect the Fairness Doctrine. How can people be expected to be good citizens and comrades if they are inundated with subversive information.
We have Hollywood, we have The New York Times, Newsweek and so many others. Now we must suppress talk radio because of its subversive appeal to Nazi thugs.
And anyway, they say mean things about us. Made Bruno cry.
At about 2:30 Friday we called the Rush Limbaugh show to straighten a few things out. Our conversation has been transcribed and posted on his EIB site, along with the cartoon and a link to the Cube.
(To clarify, our introduction was a reference to the previous topic where Rush quoted weak liberals who tried to connect the level of taxation to the number and severity of disasters, especially the fallen bridge in Minneapolis. By that logic, the USSR would be the safest country on the planet - which was true only if you believed the state-run media who never spoke of any disasters within the glorious secure borders. They even mentioned the Chernobyl meltdown only two weeks after it happened. )
Capitalist EIB wrote
BEGIN TRANSCRIPT
RUSH: Here is Oleg in Brooklyn. Oleg, I'm glad you waited. I really appreciate your patience. Hello.
CALLER: Yes. Hello. Mega dittos from the motherland, Rush. Motherland, where taxes were high and that's why national disasters never happened. The government withheld 95% of the people's income and that's why in the USSR bridges never fell, levees never broke, and Chernobyl reactors never exploded, if you know what I'm saying.
RUSH: Well, I do, that's very funny, thanks for the call.
CALLER: You're welcome. I now live in America, but I keep the memory of the old country alive on my satirical website which you mentioned on Monday when you referenced what you said was "a great editorial cartoon."
RUSH: It was. This is the one with the Founding Fathers discussing creating a nation --
CALLER: Yes.
RUSH: -- of murderers, thugs, tyrants, spreading disease, destroying the planet and all that, and then stealing all the world's oil?
CALLER: Absolutely.
RUSH: That was such a great cartoon, Oleg.
CALLER: Thank you.
RUSH: The satire in that, you know, the great thing about comedy which you captured in that cartoon is that good comedy has to have an element of truth in it, and the element of truth in your cartoon is that there are gobs and loads of Americans who believe that that's what the purpose of this country is, and that we had some corrupt founders that actually set it up. They are actually Americans that believe it, and that's why it was funny.
CALLER: Right. Well, a lot of it on my website is funny. You said that you didn't know who did the cartoon, so I decided to fix that historical mistake because you are the all knowing Maha Rushie.
RUSH: Well, the problem is that somebody sent it to me with just the picture of the cartoon. I have tried to tell people, if you're going to send me something you think I might like, send me the link, so, A, I can say verify it, and, B, put on my website and cite the source. It is something I am constantly having to pound over the heads of my staff. It happens every day. They forget to send links and yours unfortunately was one of those where the link was not sent.
CALLER: That is okay.
RUSH: But we found it for the website.
CALLER: Did you find it?
RUSH: I think we did, I think Koko was looking desperately for it. I was unable to provide any help because the person that sent it to me didn't send the link.
CALLER: Can I say the name of it?
RUSH: Sure. What is the name of your website?
CALLER: It is ThePeoplesCube.com. A lot of people already know about it, but I thought the mention would not hurt. It's a parody site working under the slogan: "Curing weak liberalism with strong communism," it's sort of like a Stalinist version of The Onion.
RUSH: (Laughing.) A Stalinist version of The Onion. (Laughing.) Curing weak liberalism…
RUSH: All right, in about 30 seconds, Oleg, your site will be shut down. This audience is making such a mad dash to get to it right now if your server farm is not capable of the load that it's going to get, as a result of your site being broadcast on this program, then it will actually look like a denial of service attack, it really isn't. We shut down websites constantly when they get mentioned on this program. It's not the KGB coming after you, it's not Putin.
CALLER: (Laughing.) Right. We are the party ourselves. On the website, we have our own party, we have our own politburo members, and we have discussions, you know, planning and plotting.
RUSH: This sounds cool. I love satire. I love parody.
CALLER: I know.
RUSH: Especially with people who don't get it. That's the most fun is when they don't get it and they really get upset, really get irritated, really get riled, that's what it's fun, because they eventually will figure it out.
CALLER: Oh, I have a lot of enemies already because of that.
RUSH: You know, learn to take as a measure of success the criticism of your enemies. That is a fundamental thing that people like you in controversial businesses have to learn how to do. Take as a measure of success the hatred, the actual despising of you that they have. Okay, I think I've shaken Oleg up here a little bit. It won't be that bad. It won't be that bad. We've gotta take a brief time-out. Oleg, thanks for the call, ThePeoplesCube.com is his website, if you can still access it.
BREAK TRANSCRIPT
The promised server problem is exactly what happened. Before I hung up the site already displayed "Service Temporarily Unavailable" message. I had to call the hosting company and upgrade the account. That helped only a little; the site still is sluggish.
In addition to repeating our URL a few times, Rush included it in his Rush In A Hurry newsletter:
Rush In A Hurry wrote
We took a call from the author of that great editorial cartoon on our Founding Fathers that Rush referenced the other day. The call immediately crashed the caller's website ThePeoplesCube.com. The cartoon will be posted on Rush's site when we update.
Perhaps to make sure that our site doesn't recover so easily, Maharushie posted a link to the Cube on the transcript page as well.
This is the Cube's traffic 20 minutes after we spoke. The number of Rush's listeners going to the site literally flattened all the previous data.
And here's the picture 5 hours later. If it goes like this we'll have to switch to a dedicated server!
(The "Most users ever online" number at the bottom of the Groupthink screen is still from last year because that counter only captures the stats from the database pages. The Mother page and a few other static pages that get most visitors do not add to that number, otherwise we'd have over 1,500 concurrent visitors)
The Cube really stuck it to Limbaugh, comrades! Face it... we have more power than Kos and soon the slush money and sweetheart deals will come rolling in! Can anyone say Cube Convention '08? I can... I can say Cube Convention '08. I can also say book deals, TV shows, OPRAH!! and Larry King! We are going places, comrades, soon TPC will become a household name and everyone will begin demanding appliance marriages!! THE MONEY! OH THE YUMMY YUMMY MONEY!
Meow, just think of the money we won't have to spend to buy Larry King.
You cannot hope to bribe nor twist,
The average liber'l journalist.
But when you think what he will do,
Unbribed, there's no occasion to.
Hillaire Belloc is the attribution I've found, well I made a change or two.
I miss Dan Rather. Katie Couric isn't really filling the bill. She's with us, all the way, but that certain je ne sais quoi that Rather had is just gone. A classic line: "If they weren't true, they were true in substance."
The power of that statement. We could use it for blood libels, like Jews eating Christian babies. Utterly untrue of course but when did truth bother us? And we can use this to say anything that we want. Stalin bless Dan Rather.
I intercepted the capitalist cigar smoker's transmission and found my way here. I look forward to knowing the day's truth, and keeping myself abreast of others conspiracies.
That's why the Cube was unavailable Friday afternoon! Ru$h and the capitalists brought down the Peoples' truth. First they carried out an inside job on the bridge in Minnesota, and now they temporarily brought down TPC... how dare they! How dare the Reich wingers deny us our right to plot America's destruction!
Comrades, we have no choice now but to convert these wayward souls and recruit them to aid The People's cause of spreading progress to the four corners of this hateful and intolerant nation! We must take the brain-dead Rethugs Rush sent us and re-educate them into stringent Communist who will serve The Party for all eternity (yes, eternity. As in... you will be voting the straight Party ticket from now until the end of time).
Arm them, comrades! Arm them with the revolutionary truth that not even Keith Ogremann can thrust upon their muddled little minds! Oh, and be sure to ask them for a campaign contribution. We mustn’t disappoint Hillary! WE MUSN’T!
Navigator, you fail to realize that we live in a satire-proof age. My unreconstructed conservative friend, whose bank account I'm now "investing" for him, thinks that the Daily Kos is very silly. And he's right; the people there spend all of their time howling about right in America and they draw attention.
While we here at the Cube get on with our business. Dear Lenin was right about useful idiots.
Nansky, I do wish you'd change your avatar; whenever Bruno sees it he goes and whimpers in the corner. This is the worst he's been since Our Many Titted Empress came down to Rancho del Rio Grande along with Mr. Reno and the lights went out. Looking for the short, he saw Hillary and Mr. Reno hooked up to the Hildo Turbo 7.1 and he's never been quite the same since.
Fortunately Senator Mikulski cancelled. I don't think I could have talked him off that ledge.
UPDATE:
RUSH: Especially with people who don't get it. That's the most fun is when they don't get it and they really get upset, really get irritated, really get riled, that's what it's fun, because they eventually will figure it out.
After Bush/Cheney/Rove Co. created Hurricane Katrina and carefully aimed it at New Orleans scoring a direct hit, you ran a piece (can't remember the title right now) where scores of disaffected minority victims of Midwest and Northeast snowstorms were demanding help from FEMA. I forwarded it to a few friends. One person got very irate and forwarded it to his elected representatives. Now I know to label certain things "satire" when I send it to certain people.
Navigator, you fail to realize that we live in a satire-proof age.
The power of the Left is a force to reckon with....but it's a force more like dehabilitating cancer than it is a creative force like growing corn or building a house.
I've yet to find a liberal value that has served America or Americans.
This website exists because of liberal nonsense that has pushed us to the edge where I can see the American Lifestyle I know and love may be no longer.
I've known very few Liberals with a good sense of humor, the ability to satirize, or can communicate their hatred of American values without expletives that burn my construction worker ears.
Satire becomes like chemo......Few will acknowledge their liberal leanings in public...except at the voting booth.
A satire proof age?....yes we do. Insert Fairness Doctrine.
Why are the Liberals on the wrong side of every American.
Yes, America is ruled by the GOP and the Halliburton and evil WASPs, and they cause all pain and poverty in the world. Oh, and the entire mankind is a diseaster for the nature and the biosphere! Comrade Almostpresident Albert Arnold "Al" Gore taught it, so it must be true! Fortunately Middle-Europe(where I live, You know) is almost under the direction of the glorious Working Class! See the ruler parties:
Hungary: Hungarian Socialist Party-THEY ARE OUR PEOPLE!
Slovakia:Direction(Party) – Social Democracy-THEY ARE OUR PEOPLE!
Romania:Traian Băsescu-Huh, his party is rightist, but he is statist enough to love him, I think...
Austria:Social Democratic Party of Austria-THEY ARE OUR PEOPLE!
Serbia: Hmmm the president is leftist(Democratic Party) and the major party is the statist, populist Serbian Radical Party, SO IT IS GOOD!
The only countries, where our Class Revolution has failed:
Slovenia: The major parties are a libertarian and a center-right party. What a pity!
Poland: Ruled by Catholic bigot PIS
Croatia: The major Party is the party of Franjo Tuđman who was the leader of the Croatian War of Independence and it has beat the glorious Yugoslavia. FASCISTS!
Czech Republic: The worst. Ruled by the bourgeois pig Václav Klaus, who is also a Global Warming skeptic. Why don't we estabilish new inquisition again these heretics??? This is needed.
Wel, this is the current situation. More or less, but it's good. But it is not enough. Forward on the road of Lenin, Stalin and Nancy Pelosi! Blame GOP for everything! Workers of the world, unite!
Comrades Navigator and Rakoski, I welcome you to the Cube. When I first started, I was merely Theocritus but got a brevet promotion to Commissar Theocritus. It's all in the bloody-mindedness, you know.
Since you live in Mittel Europa you must have been as disgusted as I was when the Rumanians waved American flags for the Bushitler. One high-ranking fellow said that under Ceaucescu their only hope was an invasion by the AmeriKKKans. What a deluded man, for after Nansky Peloski and Our Many Titted Empress Hillary are done with America, we will have a true People's Paradise Here. Pax Americana will become Prison Americana.
And Thoughtcrime will be everywhere. Some things cannot be said in polite company which means that they cannot be debated. Oh. Political Correctness. Sometimes I forget how far we've come.
Well, must go stoke more of the Bush Derangement Syndrome. I just got an infection which required a shot in my ass and it's George's fault, of course. And the sun rose too early. That's George's fault too. And after I do that, I'm having Helen Thomas over for supper. I stole, er, liberated, found, yes, found a huge Georgian silver platter. It's big enough for three roadkill rabbits and a coyote. Helen does so love roadkill.
My only problem is that Bruno just can't stand so many of our friends: Our Many Titted Empress sends him into the closet--really--because he remembers when she rode him wearing jodhpurs, and if you can imagine her ass in jodhpurs, you're talking two times zones. After Mr. Reno came over I was watching a Boris Karloff movie and he went into a fugue. And then there is the time that Nansky got quite drunk and exposed herself.
I just tell him that he has to put up with a lot for the Party. After all, if we get our way, then there will be six billion serfs on earth. What's not to like?
........After all, if we get our way, then there will be six billion serfs on earth. What's not to like?
LOL OMFG LMAOROTF yet again............I've been rolling since I found your webskiesite.
Sorry If my accent is off.....faking pre-Reagan Russia is not something I do with aplomb.
However...since this website is flooded with mirth....I cents I will be forgiven.
Thanks for your welcome to the cube...it is and honor, sir!
(If this website had sound....insert clicking sound of goose stepping polished boots .wav file)
I find the Many Titted Emperess to be a vexation indeed!
The only reference that makes sense to me is the biblical Sodom and Gomorra.
Nearly 50% of the American voting population are incapable of connecting two words together to form a sentence.....yet the future of the last free bastion of homo sapiens lies in the balance of their vote!.
The Many Titted Emeress (MTE) appeals to those with a hand out, those who want a hand, those who want a tit, and those who want something for nothing......they give her power by the shear mass of their ignorance.
Surely......Helen Thomas....can smell the stench before seeing the table you have prepared for her?
Well now you've gone and done it. First you create this subversive site, to make fun of and lampoon all that our glorious leaders in politics, academia and the arts stuff down our collective throats, and then you submit to taking credit for it on that fat bastard Rush Limbaugh's radio show? Oh, comrade.
You are hereby ordered to go through a remedial re-indoctrination program at the facility of your choosing: Harvard, NYU, UC-Berkeley, UC-Santa Cruz, UC-Irvine, SFSU, or Columbia. Defiance of this directive will only bring more server meltdowns and further ostracization from the collective.
Comrades, since this is in camera, I shall reveal the true plan.
No one can have an independent thought. Everyone should look to others to see what he can do for others. If it upsets others, it cannot be done. If we see someone who does not follow the party line, he must be eliminated, or cast into outer darkness, say with the Fairness Doctrine. That's the first step to those concentration camps, you know. How I do love a good thoughtcrime.
Since no one is permitted to think, no one has a sense of himself, and no one can stand and say, "I will not put up with this!" Conformity is all.
But of course someone has to decide what the pure doctrine is, and I'm the only one. Punchenko (Meow) is a dear and good friend of mine, but he doesn't know that as he pursues his young life, I'm doing my best to undermine him. And Our Many Titted Empress can, I think, be brought into line. Hillarycare was brilliant and ought to keep her occupied. It would have course killed medical invention in the world but we don't care about that; if there had been a dollar more in controlling buggy whips she'd have gone for that.
Well, maybe not. It's so damned satisfying to have life-and-death control over people.
Dr. you go from strength to strength. Will you join Dr. Farrakhan in numerology next? There is much to be said for it, you know. As there is with anything that proves nothing.
I heard from my contacts that the Cube has taken on the Kapitalist Warmonger Rush. I see from the couters and the hard-to-access webpages that the website is booming. Congrates Comrade Red Square! Welcome all new Cubist, may your re-edukation go quickly.
Red, yes, welcome to all but let's not forget that there is seniority here in the Politburo. People need to pay their dues, of course.
Er, I only joined in October of 2006 so that, no, I'm a good progressive and so anything that I want is what will happen. My view of the world is entirely solipsistic.
I agree Commissar Theocritus. We must make sure that we keep our seniority in check. I have not been here that long either, but I have worked hard for my current position, remember?
http://www.thepeoplescube.com/red/viewtopic.php?t=1072 (toward the bottom)
Others must show their sacrfice and devotion to the party as well, just as we have.
Ah, but this is what sucking up and making yourself useful is for. What? You think that I stay on the Chairman's heels and get him meats that he thinks that are rare just because I like him? No, I could care even less for that %#$@! You can be sure, that as soon as he slips up good, I will be there to get out of it what--- oh! Hi Chairman! We were just talking about your total splendiness. By the way, would you like some more of that rare delicate rat meat?
You couldn't possibly walk a day in my plush velvet slippers, Comrade Red Fox! It is far too hard to do absolutely nothing and get paid for it! Someday, someday soon, you will find yourself in a windowless office somewhere in a basement shuffling through papers and smoking cheap prole cigarettes... it will be then you will sit in your crickety falling apart chair and pat yourself on the back. Yes, you will feel a sense of accomplishment at that moment knowing that you have offed at least a couple hundred people to get that windowless office. Yeah, it is far from what I have or accomplished to make my way here today, but all the same it is a start and someday you will have that windowless office. Until then you can fetch me another latte and call Me Ling up to see if my cleaning is ready yet. Oh, and stop by the bakery and pick me up some of those delicious cookies as well. You know, the ones I like with the sprinkles.
Chairman! I have missed you. And Red, where have you been? I have been indoctrinating the newbie commies on another thread.
Bruno...has that damned Ron Perelman come up with that special shampoo? You know, the one that the CIA did some research on when it was exploring mind control with LSD? These louts are getting really tedious with their jumped up ideas of their own importance, and that crap about plush velvet slippers. He'll be happy to have WWI army boots. He'll be happy to have feet to wear them on. I don't know what I'm going to do about others' solipsism because I know for a fact that when I shut my eyes, the world goes away. Everything in the universe is in my head which is fine. I am large. Damn I like that Froggie king.
I'm tired. Wake me in two hours. Oh. You can't. You won't exist until I wake up. Don't bother. Oh. You can't. Never mind.
It's all for someone else. You are nothing. That's why you have no self-esteem. But the reason you have no self-esteem is because people are keeping you down. And you need to do something about that. And the Party can help you with your life. Remember, you need the Party. Without the party you are nothing. Your existence depends on the Party.
The Party loves you. The Party cares for you, and you alone. Because you're special, one of the Little People™. You belong to us, dear, and you always will, from womb to tomb, whenever that is. And we'll keep you very healthy and without worry as long as you are strong and can work.
Yes Theocritus, the party's message, bold and true <begins tearing>.
Chairman M. S. Punchenko wrote
You couldn't possibly walk a day in my plush velvet slippers, Comrade Red Fox! It is far too hard to do absolutely nothing and get paid for it! Someday, someday soon, you will find yourself in a windowless office somewhere in a basement shuffling through papers and smoking cheap prole cigarettes... it will be then you will sit in your crickety falling apart chair and pat yourself on the back. Yes, you will feel a sense of accomplishment at that moment knowing that you have offed at least a couple hundred people to get that windowless office. Yeah, it is far from what I have or accomplished to make my way here today, but all the same it is a start and someday you will have that windowless office. Until then you can fetch me another latte and call Me Ling up to see if my cleaning is ready yet. Oh, and stop by the bakery and pick me up some of those delicious cookies as well. You know, the ones I like with the sprinkles.
I see that you have edited your post Chairman. It is of much lighter tone, have you taken another senstivity course at the college?
And fine! I can pick up your #@$%@! cookies, just as long as I do not have to take you to the cleaners again. I got sick for a week on the those steaks.
Wait until you have to give a pedicure to Our Many Titted Empress. Poor Bruno wouldn't speak for a week. And when OMTE needed further service, I had to get out the cattle prod.
"Bruno, I don't care. It's our Hillary here. She says she's got zits in her stippled cellulite-rich ass, so she does. She's never told a lie, has she?....zzzzzaappp....zzzzaaaaappp...You'll stop laughing now? Good. Now get to it."
And Comrade Red Fox, did not Meow give you the good steaks? He has them made from white, Republican children raised on Trust Funds.
Dr. Amin was flown in to consult on the sauce. He decided, after a while, that a barbecue sauce would be best, and of the three versions, he prefers the Texas one for he says it brings out the flavor of meat raised on money.
Hello my fellow comarades. While the imperialist pig Limbaugh may have smeared this organization in front of the infernal EIB (eons of imperialist bastards) network, without his work I would not have heard of this most glorious organization. Even as they try to destroy us the capitalists only further our cause. Viva la revolucion and all that.
I edited my post because I Care™, Comrade Red Fox. I also slashed your tires, pooped in your living room, pissed in your pool, threw your TV into a full bath tub (with your turtle pokey soaking in it) and had your kids thrown out of private school all because I Care™. Now get your ass to the cleaners before I do some more caring for you, Foxy.
Comrade Woody (who can expect a promotion soon with his kind of thinking) wrote
Viva la revolucion and all that.
Now that is the kind of thinking I like! Instead of saying "Viva la revolucion and the bloody purges, showtrials, trips to the gulags, festering corpses of suspected enemies, mass graves, starving populations, secret police bed checks, Janet Reno in a hot tub of her own BO and Hillary laughing in the faces of crying children", Comrade Woody instead opted to use "and all that" to carefully conceal all the wonderful things I have just mentioned from being known to the average AmeriKKKan idiot! Gold stars all around! A++! EXCELLENT WORK, COMRADE WOODY AND WELCOME! We need careful thinking these days... careful thinking that will bring us to absolute power.
Meow, you have hit on something. I think that I shall issue a Party Directive that whenever someone commits a thoughtcrime, we shall merely make him sit on the naughty chair. Which was of course the one used by Torquemada, built of iron with a fire under the seat.
Woody, welcome from me too to the Cube. With your evident zeal, you will go far. Why not get right to it? Are you free to go on the shooting of the next Michael Moore movie? It is called Washington and proves that George Washington caused the crucifixion of Christ, the black plague, Pompeii, and Britney Spears. And if George Washington had never lived, then the world would be a free, egalitarian place of fiefdoms, serfs, theocracies, anarchy, despotisms, and poverty--our wet dream.
For the fools who buy into it. Me, I want the Krystal. Bruno! Where is that damned champagne? And Woody, you have a standing invitation to Rancho del Rio Grande del Teocrito anytime you want to use it and I'll make sure it's well sluiced out if Our Many Titted Empress Hillary has been there recently.
And Comrade Red Fox, did not Meow give you the good steaks? He has them made from white, Republican children raised on Trust Funds.
No Theocritus, remember that deal that I and the Chairman made where I would vote for Cindy Sheehan? That is the last time that I ever make a deal with the Chairman. I mean, I was totally honorable in that deal, then I found out how cheap the Chairman is. I still am paying that littering fine for trying to float my yacht.
Chairman M. S. Punchenko wrote
I edited my post because I Care™, Comrade Red Fox. I also slashed your tires, pooped in your living room, pissed in your pool, threw your TV into a full bath tub (with your turtle pokey soaking in it) and had your kids thrown out of private school all because I Care™. Now get your ass to the cleaners before I do some more caring for you, Foxy.
YOU! YOU! YOU! Oh! Look Chairman! Video cameras for CNN! Smile Chairman!
…Yes, we members of the party are very close, just like a family. Why, that is why the Chairman is here. After he heard that some white Christian terrorist trashed my place, he could not wait to some help me clean it up. The man- how gracious he is- has also told me that he will personally pay to keep my children in private school until their graduation, at which point the government will take care of their college.
What’s that? Chairman! Wolf Blitzer would like to do a follow up series on you to see how the kids are doing in time! He plans on calling it; "The Chairman Cares".
woody89ster wrote
Hello my fellow comarades. While the imperialist pig Limbaugh may have smeared this organization in front of the infernal EIB (eons of imperialist bastards) network, without his work I would not have heard of this most glorious organization. Even as they try to destroy us the capitalists only further our cause. Viva la revolucion and all that.
Welcome Comrade woody89ster, always good to have another Little Person ™ to ste-- I mean, help us in our cause. The party shall reward you comrade, with your own shovel.
Dr. you go from strength to strength. Will you join Dr. Farrakhan in numerology next? There is much to be said for it, you know. As there is with anything that proves nothing.
Insightful Commissar,
I was thinking about phrenology, but numerology also piques my interest. Proving "nothing" is the essence of postmodernism -- the world is ultimately meaningless, but humans have an inconquerable urge to impose meaning upon it. Why should one person's meaning be any better than the other's -- unless it's The Party's, of course.
Nowhere is erehwon, or vise versa. It's all up to your subjectivist perspective. Alternative modes of inquiry should be considered equally valid if not superior to hidebound, modernist empiricism, which is the product of a reactionary meta-narrative designed to oppress the proletariat and reinforce capitalist hegemony.
Diving for The Truth™ with The Red Runes of Progress™,
LOL!!! I'm new to this site as a result of Rush mentioning it. I can tell that I need to read for a while to get properly re-educated! I must begin my re-education at once!
To Red Square I say "Mega Cubes" for duping the top Capitalist Lackey a.k.a. Rush Limbaugh into unwittingly enshrining you on Mount Rushmore for your clever, triple-agent impersonation of a satirist in exposing the Founding Fathers' diabolical plan to set in motion a process to ultimately subject the entire world to the tyranny of individualism. Non-God Bess the Collective.
Thank You Kommisar of Fatwas!!! And welcome to The Cube™. Here you will find that it is not necessary to say "Non-God Bess[sic] the Collective". Since The Party™ is a godless (except for Islam-ists) apparatus, we say "Lenin Bless the Collective". Islam-ists are given a special dispensation since they, like our useful idiots in the Democratic Party and their P.R. Dept. (CNN, ABC, CBS, NBC, etc.), work with us in our endeavors towards the destruction of Western civilization.
Please also note that we strongly support wealth redistribution. Therefore, give me all of your money! We tax everyone at a 100% tax rate. It is for The Common Good™, comrade! But mostly, it is for The Children™.
AlGore Ahkhbar!!!
--
Zampolit Boris Sukavich Blokhayev
Grand Inquisitor for the Reformed Church of Latter Day Climatology
Politburo Member and The Party's™ Kommissar of Margaritas.
Oh, Red! I'm so sorry I missed it!!!! I usually listen to Rush on Fridays but had a doctor appointment. (It is so important to monitor enemy's transmissions, no?). Spacebo for printing transcript.
Thank you for pointing out my deviation from the progressive line. However, on further reflection, I'm hereby urging party members to modernize the blessing by substituting for "Lenin" the currently living embodiment of the still-dead spirit of Che: HITGO, a video about whom is at http://PoliSat.Com/CITGO-HITGO.htm (or, for those preferring to increase traffic for the progressive forces of Google aka Gorgle, at http://youtube.com/watch?v=9qsuz2eefAI ). All hail the progressivism of Google/Gorgle: http://PoliSat.Com/GoogleGarglesGorgle.htm .
Kommisar of Fatwas-- especially the WorkPlace Fatwa at http://PoliSat.Com/WorkPlaceFatwa.htm or http://youtube.com/watch?v=H5Ct_pveMzw .
I was thinking about phrenology, but numerology also piques my interest. Proving "nothing" is the essence of postmodernism -- the world is ultimately meaningless, but humans have an inconquerable urge to impose meaning upon it. Why should one person's meaning be any better than the other's -- unless it's The Party's, of course.
Nowhere is erehwon, or vise versa. It's all up to your subjectivist perspective. Alternative modes of inquiry should be considered equally valid if not superior to hidebound, modernist empiricism, which is the product of a reactionary meta-narrative designed to oppress the proletariat and reinforce capitalist hegemony.
While I was laboring under the last of my education in mathematics at Rice, before I realized that I could merely force people to do that for me, and should have majored in political science and psychology, I learned the simplest of things of logic. If I recall, falsehood cannot imply truth. Ah, but it can, it is our truth. Whether the truth is true is quite beside the point; anything which seems to be a chink in the dyke will be either papered over or shot. These things are easy to take care of. After all, if you have enough money you never have to be mugged by reality. Ask dear Markos Moulitsas Zúniga, the founder of that progressive Daily Kos. And look at some of the people. James Earl Carter! What a hero! That man could find Adid when no one else could. I think he's great even if his mother said that she loved all her children but didn't like all of them.
But I quite agree that empiricism must be done away with. Those pesky facts. But since not all decisions are made by empiricism and yet some decisions made without empiricism actually do work, then that shows that empiricism is not needed for a good decision. The requirement for making a good decision is that the person making the decision has a stick big enough to make the decision stick. I do.
Zampolit wrote
Please also note that we strongly support wealth redistribution. Therefore, give me all of your money! We tax everyone at a 100% tax rate. It is for The Common Good™, comrade! But mostly, it is for The Children™.
Commissar of Fatwas, this utter confiscation of your money, er, requirement that you purge yourself of bourgeois attachments to material things, is only a temporary thing. Just before the French election Meow and I made a deal with Chirac, who knew he might go in jail, and he got the Mona Lisa and I have all those wonderful paintings that that de Medici woman brought with her from Florence. We gave Mr. Reno the headless, armless Victory at the top of the stairs because Mr. Reno frightens anyone with a head, even a marble one.
Also, Dr. P., there is something to be said for phrenology, but cannot we extend it to the entire body? We could measure, for example, a suspect's body and then adjust it to suit us on the rack.
Comrade Otis, why have you been keeping this important piece of literature to yourself? This should be required reading to all new recruits from the EIB (Evil Incorrect Broadcasting) program.
Great find, Comrade Otis. "Happiness is a warm gun," as John Lenin so eloquently put it; that is to say, the gun of a Party Official planted in the back of a potential thought-criminal.
Thanks for bringing up my favorite picture in the series. It captures the spirit of the Party's Inner Circle (PIC™) like nothing else. O the vigilance, the dedication, the loyalty to the Party!
I remembered this image while watching the latest Democrat presidential debates. Perhaps superimposing the faces of Obama, Hillary, Kucinich, and the rest of them on these dedicated apparatchiks would not be too big of a stretch.
Also, Dr. P., there is something to be said for phrenology, but cannot we extend it to the entire body? We could measure, for example, a suspect's body and then adjust it to suit us on the rack.
Or should we just follow the model of Procrustes and make everyone fit our one-size-fits-all rack?
Absolutely. And it would solve the problem of what to do with what's left when we chop Michael Moore down to size. But wait. There's only one Dennis Kucinich. Is there a dwarf university anywhere?
Let's carry this further. Shall we give everyone eyes like Nansky? Can we sacrifice all the lemurs in the world?
By all means. I'll edit it in iMovie HD. And come to think of it, a blue movie, and I mean blue, starring Margaret Cho and Rosie would be well entitled A Chink in the Dyke.
Where is that Doc Johnson catalog? Bruno? Bruno! You told me you were only going to order from Victoria's secret and you've been ordering from Doc Johnson! I know they don't have stiletto sling-back fuck-me-sailor pumps your size, and I told you so, but you are NOT TO ORDER FROM DOC JOHNSON. STAY AT HOME.
I feel so unappreciated.
And your legs would look like bottle brushes in them anyway.
Absolutely. And it would solve the problem of what to do with what's left when we chop Michael Moore down to size. But wait. There's only one Dennis Kucinich. Is there a dwarf university anywhere?
Let's carry this further. Shall we give everyone eyes like Nansky? Can we sacrifice all the lemurs in the world?
Your cynicism is delicious and catching on. But I didn't think that.
Cynical? Moi? Pas de tout! I'm a mere realist. I look at the Glorious People's Revolution in November of 2006 and my rheumy eyes tear up, realizing that it is indeed possible to make a silk purse out of a sow's ear.
But there are times that I realize that Valentino could take a #500 sow, put it in his finest dress of platinum lamé, bag and glasses by Prada, and have Mark Stewart chauffeur her around in Elizabeth II's Bentley and when the door opened, it would still be a pig in a frock.
...Hillary! How are you? So long since you've come. Hillary, is there something in your eye? Why is it twitching. Hillary, you're hurting me, stop that, or Bruno won't pick the ticks off your back. Hillary, this is Theocritus, remember? I'm the one who filled that swimming pool with virgin's blood for you and even bought the cumidin factory to keep it from clotting for your beauty bath! And see how good you look?
...Bruno. Look at that fat cow. You could braid her dewlaps...
Hillary! Don't tell me you've had some work done! Who could tell?
...Bruno, I carve turkeys better than that shit-faced drunk. Remember the time that you got in a rage and took a knife to that da Vinci we liberated with the pictures we had of that cardinal? Much better knife work than that...
Hillary, you don't even need make-up! Wonderful.
Ah. That's better now. Will you have a quart of 0 positive with some Aquavit?
Who can argue with such flawless insanity? I'll take the Aquavit, but really where is the republican candidate that can best her? Perhaps their plan includes channeling the late Ronald Reagan - oops someone else thought of that!
I just can't see President Huckabee - WAIT what about President Biden? nah not socialist enough... maybe that kook from Alaska... UGH I guess we might as well pucker up and get ready for Her Majesty HRC. Cart me off now.
Theo, the Chairman and I need a director for our next "adult" movie. You in?
He better be in, Dr. P! I didn't go out of my way hiring Steven Spielberg to direct this thing for nothing! No sir!
Commissar Theocritus wrote
Mark Stewart chauffeur her around in Elizabeth II's Bentley
Ugh, don't let me ever hear anything about a chauffeur again! I'm still raw about the the whole Commissar Roscoe incident... you know, when he picked up Dr. P and I in a dumpy FORD TAURUS!!! My goodness, I nearly soiled myself belting out the make and model of that prole auto! Mmm, let this be a lesson to all up and coming Commissars that WE WILL NOT TOLERATE SECOND RATE VEHICLES TO TOOL PARTY INNER-CIRCLE MEMBERS AROUND! And so help me if you make a stop at some fast food joint with Dr. P and me in the car... SO HELP ME! If anything we should be driven around the posh parts of town in at least a Rolls Royce which is the bare minimum. Is that so much to ask for? I mean, am I reaching for the stars here?
Speaking of total failures, Dr. P and I recently had dinner with two old comrades at some swanky L.A eatery where all the Hollywood elites stalk. Oh yes, Comrade Frank and his idiot wife Julia (who was drunk and going on and on about her son getting into Harvard) had the nerve to order a steak in our presence... A STEAK, COMRADES! A STEAK! I nearly fell out of my chair and poor Dr. P puked all over some young couple sitting at the table next to us after seeing murder served on a hot plate. Complete and utter embarrassment, comrades! I had no other choice after being privy to such a travesty but to rise from my seat and slap that bitch Julia square in the jaw as I threw her murdered steak into Frank's face. Of course Frank fell out of his chair with the hot steak on his face, bumped his head on the back of some woman’s chair and lied there unconscious. Julia on the other hand fell to the floor after I slapped her and then some idiot waiter dropped a keg he was carrying to the bar smack dab on Julia's rancid face... she died right there and then to everyone else’s horror. So what did Dr. P and I have? Well, we had two dinner guest, one unconscious and one voting Democrat and no one else present to pay the check. Upon realizing that Julia and Frank would no longer be joining us for the evening, Dr. P and I looked at each other, looked around the restaurant for any witnesses (thank Lenin everyone else around us rushed to Julia in an effort to resuscitate her), wiped our mouths with the fine silk napkins, threw them down on the table and darted towards the door undetected. All the patrons could see as we fled the restaurant was two progressives jumping into their Escalade and the sound of the wheels squealing us away to safety. Yes, I know what you're thinking, it is indeed the seventh dine-n-dash this week for Dr. P and I - but you would do the same too if you had two rude dinner guest incapable of footing the bill because one is knocked out and the other one is voting Democrat. Ugh, total embarrassment and a huge let down on Frank and Julia's part! Don't expect either Dr. P or I at the funeral. At least not after that snub and total let down! People shouldn’t just die and become unconscious when they are responsible for paying the check for the other two… oh, and also responsible for leaving a reasonable tip! Disgusting, absolutely disgusting and a night I will never forget! And so help me; their kid will not be attending Harvard after this episode! No sir!
Thanks for bringing up my favorite picture in the series.
Here's Laika's:
It has a certain Maurice Sendak feel to it....and it brings back childhood memories.
Ahhh...forced re-education, being sent to the gulag, and having your rations cut!
(Sent to bed without supper)
Maybe it could have been titled Where the Commie Things Are.
Meow, I never did get tell you the secret of jumping checks. Have Robert Blake come along with you and when he shoots his current wife you can get away in the hub-bub. Or you could make Gary Condit make the waitress merely disappear. By the time the body is found in Rock Creek Park, you'll have walked at least 350 checks, on current form alone.
Trexborg, here at the Cube we have placed all our hopes behind Our Many Titted Empress, Hillary H8. Only she has the steely ambition, insatiable power lust, shamelessness and sociopathic disregard for others for our taste. Also, what a liar. Her first book was written by Barbara Feinman Todd, a journalism professor, and the publisher was supposed to pay for the ghost, which was of course a concession to Our Many Titted Empress' sterling qualities. Plus she had made inquiries about the health of their families.
The book was well received by people who would receive well a bloody carpet remnant, er, used tampon, from H8, and Our Empress embarked on a newspaper column, the better to keep her phiz in front of the American Public. She had to job out the Photoshop for the dateline picture; the camera not only adds #10 but the best plastic surgeons cannot really mask the scars of tusk removal.
Hillary gave Barbara Fineman the privilege of writing the column for her, which Ms. Todd, burned by the radiance of Mrs. Clinton and her patrician manners and breeding, decided that she's had quite enough for a lifetime, and so declined. Our Empress, never having been thwarted before, then called the publisher and demanded that they not pay the woman who did the work, even though it would cost Mrs. Clinton nothing. This last bit from a friend, an author, who shares the same publisher.
What a gal! I defy you to match that for sheer spitefulness, meanness, bossiness, and just being the biggest grade-A asshole in the DNC, and that's an accomplishment, Trexborg.
That's why I'm for her. Although when she comes to Rancho del Rio Grande in Texas, I insist, out of courtesy of course, that Bruno load her luggage and X-ray it on the way out. I lost a lot of good stuff that way.
Speaking of, Meow, when are you coming back? I have a few more tasty women for you. And we can fly in my new black helicopter and buzz the camp of the Nature Conservancy here. What a kick. It's like making a Level 2 diabetic drink a jar of honey, or listen to Wagner's entire Ring.
Hmmm, can we force a Level 2 diabetic to drink a jar of honey on the helicopter while blasting Wagner as we fly over your proles and gun them down like the dogs they are?? If so, I would be happy to fly out there this weekened... nothing like scratching a pleb here and there to get one's mind off the daily grind of Party work.
Speaking of Party work, our AFL-CIO hacks are throwing together a tee ball debate for Her Excellency and those other people tonight on BSNBC. I think Keith Ogremann is "moderating" this event... or should I say setting up the soft questions on their tees??
Although when she comes to Rancho del Rio Grande in Texas, I insist, out of courtesy of course, that Bruno load her luggage and X-ray it on the way out. I lost a lot of good stuff that way.
Good News, Theo! I have arranged for a new, dedicated, 1200 kV transmission line to be installed at the Rancho del Rio Grande. We all remember the last time when Her Excellency and Mr. Reno stayed there and tried to use their Hildo 7.1.
Commissar Theocritus wrote
Speaking of, Meow, when are you coming back? I have a few more tasty women for you. And we can fly in my new black helicopter and buzz the camp of the Nature Conservancy here. What a kick. It's like making a Level 2 diabetic drink a jar of honey, or listen to Wagner's entire Ring.
PLEASE THEO!!! This time no booze and no hallucinogenics for Meow. The last time was a major nightmare! Once the U.S. Military went off of DEFCON 2 it took The Party™ an entire week to spin the P.R. on that affair! I know you had him thoroughly searched the last time, but this time do a body cavity search on him as well! Hell, perform it personally. But forget about Wagner. Though Wagner is apropos for a body cavity search, I recommend Gustav Mahler. Say ... his 9th Symphony? Or perhaps his 4th Symphony?
Oh lord, Zamp, I wouldn't put anyone through all of Mahler. I think that he shaved three movements off that one; he wrote them but the printing presses kept falling asleep. And I've become a Green Red Party Member too, and have gone to peyote. Don't you know that our oil wells are filled with the blood of meth labbies? And the Santa Fe Bridge in El Paso fell down because George Bush's dog Spot took a dump on a White House carpet. (Well, the real story is that Nansky came in and he tried to bury her leg. And they could have papered that over if Teddy K hadn't come and passed out and the dog tried to hump his head, cause it looks like a shit-zu. Stupid goddamned dog. Ought to be shot just for that.)
I don't give a rat's ass about the environment, of course; that's for another class of Useful Idiots you know, but do you know how much these morons will pay for anything with a good goo-goo name? I mean you can take something made in a Chinese sweatshop and say it was made with fair-trade labor and the morons will pay twice the price. I learned this in San Antonio. The Westin's coffee had "Fair-Trade Decaffeinated" on it and I just shivered with a frisson of delight. My lord.
And then people buy bottled water worse than what they can get from the tap in Houston. More expensive than gasoline. Damn. I love it, I love it.
Meow, I'll let you ride shotgun in the copter. I know this place, of course, and I don't want you shooting my peons. I've spent a lot on vets' bills and do you know how much it takes to get in a doctor from Mexico to make a clean eunuch of the boys that you don't want to breed? Also I've spent a hell of a lot in getting fake social-security numbers and voter registrations for these people and if you think that I'm going to turn loose of that for a brief orgasm of an automatic weapon, you're nuts. But then the neighbor to the south of me has a nice little bend in the river that I have my eye on, and if you come out, we can have some fun.
I should point out that that medical tool of Bushitler, Dr. Sanity, has also fallen into our trap by advertising our organ of recruitment on her famous "Carnival of the Insanities." Scroll down to July 15, and then to Insanity #4, where you will see canine Comerade Laika's masterpiece, "My Sharia Law" is highlighted. The fascists are blind to its power:
Thanks for bringing up my favorite picture in the series. It captures the spirit of the Party's Inner Circle (PIC™) like nothing else. O the vigilance, the dedication, the loyalty to the Party!
I remembered this image while watching the latest Democrat presidential debates. Perhaps superimposing the faces of Obama, Hillary, Kucinich, and the rest of them on these dedicated apparatchiks would not be too big of a stretch.
Consider it done, Comrade Red Square! I decided to give Kucinich a joke pistol since he is too much of a pussy to actually bump off a candidate or two in order to bring Communism to the toiling masses.
Consider it done, Comrade Red Square! I decided to give Kucinich a joke pistol since he is too much of a pussy to actually bump off a candidate or two in order to bring Communism to the toiling masses.
Outstanding work, Mr. Reno! All I can say is, post it right away as a separate topic. Or perhaps ask Chairman to do it for you.
I moved the image to the Cube's server and cropped it a bit to make it fit (500 px). So please use this URL.
I smell a Union Membership Drive. Replying to any article here on the Cube should be considered hard evidence that the poster wishes to join the Brotherhood!
I smell a Union Membership Drive. Replying to any article here on the Cube should be considered hard evidence that the poster wishes to join the Brotherhood!
The uncontested absurdities of today are the accepted slogans
of tomorrow. They come to be accepted by degrees, by precedent,
by implication, by erosion, by default, by dint of constant
pressure on one side and constant retreat on the other -
until the day when they are suddenly declared to be the country's
official ideology. ~ Ayn Rand
Write down this number and report to your Kommissar at the nearest railroad station.
Don't forget warm clothes and a shovel!
NY Times, Newsweek offer editorial inoculations to concerned readers of Sarah Palin's book
Going Rogue: FEMA braces for massive outbreaks of Palin Derangement Syndrome
Following Fort Hood tragedy, Obama declares all military bases gun-free zones
Pelosi: we won.
Philies: so did we
Study: Global Warming linked to consumption of beans and beef patties
Pro-Obama gamers discover 'cheat codes' in U.S. Constitution
Police trained in using end of life counselingtechniques to negotiate suicide threats
Obama commits more troops to War on Fox News, still awaiting Afghan troop surge
Pass Rush: NFL okays Fidel Castro's bid to buy Miami Dolphins
Study: the road to hell paved with Nobel Peace Prizes
Obama wins Nobel Peace Prize. Wishing all our readers a Happy April First!
Roman Polanski named new School Safety Czar in wake of Jennings scandal
Charles Manson: 'Leave Polanski alone, hasn't he suffered enough?'
Obama loses Olympic bid, will try for Special Olympics next
Carter: if the IOC doesn't give the Olympics to Chicago, they're racists
Saudis: the word 'assassina- tion' will never be the same
Al Qaeda: 'We shove bombs up our butts'
Richard Gere denies Al Qaeda membership
Experts: assassin hid bomb in anal cavity adjacent to brain
Study: 90% of G20 protestors driven to Pittsburgh by mom
Ahmadinejad: Iran needs enriched uranium to purchase large IKEA sofa
Obama: If we don't bomb Iran now, we'll never pass healthcare reform
Taliban hires DC lobbyist in effort to get Obama's attention
Missile defense: Czechs angry at Obama for being canceled
Media study: Caucasian toddlers are more likely to cut eye-holes into "blankies"
Democrat strategist: 9 out of 10 white infants prefer cross burning over mother's milk
Mahmoud’s Liquidation Warehouse: 50% off Israel - this weekend only - it won’t last long
Obama: Black kids still forced to beat people up at back
of bus
Charlie Gibson: Neil Armstrong went where?
Obamacare, it’s finger-licking good!
Ben and Jerry release 'Hate Monger Bigot' flavor to celebrate those who support traditional marriage
'Shiver me Timbers!': Somalia unveils People's Institute for Redistribution, Adventurism & Thalassic Extortion (PIRATE)
Energy Czar: to save energy, the light at the end of the tunnel will be turned off
Other 49 states impose carbon tax on California due to wildfire smoke
Following Scotland's lead, US Justice Dept releases Charles Manson, citing battle with chronic hemorrhoids
Obama to media: Please respect our girls' privacy, especially Mr. Letterman
Teachable moment: Obama to hold 'beer summit' between offended Post Office and UPS
Taliban sends protesters to Afghan town hall meetings in attempt to get Obama administration to withdraw Gotham villains working for the Common Good™
White House recalibrates description of town hall protesters from 'terrorists' to 'man-made Nazi fascist pigs'
Experts: when buying Astroturf, remember to look for the Union LabelNational-socialist health care?
Drudge insulates self from White House anger by naming his site MoveOn.Drudge
ABC greenlights epic 12-part miniseries based on Beer Summit
Moveon.org petitions Dems to leave Bush/Cheney alone and 'move on to pressing issues facing the nation'
Palin: Critics ipso facto are quitters
Honduran ex-president Zelaya holds press- conference, presents birth certificate for examination
Cambridge: fighting racial bias, Obama picks black scholar Henry Louis Gates as Door Jigging Czar
Obama: white cop acted like inexperienced rookie, but being one I may be biased
On the international front: Obama brings back Cold War, switches sides
Signs of recovery: WH study finds number of searches for 'economic depression' on Google lower than it could have been under FDR
Obama inherited broken teleprompter from George W Bush
Zelaya: we support the democratically-elected President of the USA, even though he has strongly opposed American policies
Eco group 'Earth First' protests burying non- biodegradeable body of Michael Jackson under the ground
Study: Media orgasm over Michael Jackson's death oddly appropriate
SPONSORED BY:
Secretary of the Interior vows to turn Neverland Ranch into 'King of Pop' National Monument
Riots in Iran: Obama invokes Starfleet Prime Directive - non-interference with social development of native planet even at the cost of own life
Obama hurts a fly, forgets to read Miranda rights
ACLU: fly murder by slapping unconstitutional
Obama mistakes Inspector General for a private CEO, orders him to resign
DHS simplifies procedures, cuts learning curve, renames all terrorism 'right-wing'
Earth may collide with Venus in 3.5 billion years. We must act NOW!!!
CBS study: statutory rape jokes not as hilarious as previously thought
White House tree commits suicide over economic policy
Obama: 'I inherited this tree from George W. Bush'
Obama to economy: 'make like a tree and collapse'
In Cairo, Obama promotes shovel-ready projects for Muslim communities
Obama's comment linking Islam to algebra sets off anti-Islam riots in US inner-city schools
Keith Olbermann rises to #1 on Larry Craig's 'Top ten liberals I'd like to sodomize' list
Ahmadinejad hands out potatoes to corner Irish-Iranian vote
Lady Justice undergoes extreme makeover on TV, becomes sexier, more empathetic, less blind visit our new Che Heart store
Obama: "We must work to rid the world of nuclear weapons and of Israel too while we're at it"
Obama to impose a cap on temperatures for patients in government-subsidized hospitals
Brady Campaign to Prevent Cereal Violence applauds gov't crackdown on cheerios, calls for registration of cereal bowls
Obama's rich supporters chagrined to find he's a class worrior and not the cynical hypocrite they'd counted on
Congress nationalizes DeBeers, changes marketing slogan to 'government programs are forever'
Sen. Specter: 'we could be energy-independent by now if Republicans invested in eternal engine research'
Kentucky Derby winner admits to having no specific strategy: I just kept repeating 'hope' and 'change' and I won... wow!
Never waste a good crisis: Obama uses swine flu epidemic to put a mask on Joe Biden
Study: exposure to pork- barrel projects heightens risk of catching swine flu
Islamic scholars green-light use of government pork by Muslim groups: 'not haram'
DHS Napolitano's preferred man-made disaster color warnings: chocolate, vanilla, strawberryDow Jones rally prompted by record sales of tea bags on April 15
WH: Obama's handshake with Saudi King looked like a bow as King Abdullah's arms are twice as long as human arms but atrophy prevents useDHS tip on spotting a right- wing extremist: watch out for the one carrying a paycheck
Opposed to teabagging, Pelosi accepts motion to expel Congressperson Barney Frank
Spring cleaning tip: don't forget to change your scientific consensus from winter setting "climate change" to summer setting "global warming"
Obama uses old Bush-era teleprompter for Baghdad speech
Segway and GM launch a 2-wheeled contraceptive
Obama's stern reaction to North Korea missile launch: "I'm tellin'!"Lenin laughs ass off over crisis in capitalism Scientists: Lenin statue expelled no harmful gases, only dialectical materialism Obama gives Queen a shovel click here NBC: We are all Special Olympians now, especially Olbermann
Obama's teleprompter caught moonlighting as AmEx spokesperson: 'Don’t leave home without it'
click here for the story Alabama gunman was trying to 'be more like Europeans' After shootings, EU threatens potential mass murderes with increased paperwork and red tape Oil prices rising; most viable solution is blame Limbaugh Obama to bring Cuba in from the cold; political prisoners to remain outside Healthcare crisis: Planned Parenthood forced to offer 2 abortions for the price of 1; 50% off if you refer a friend Hillary presents Russian Foreign Minister Lavrov with the People's Cube CLICK HERE FOR THE STORY Obama's Reaganesque address: "I've just declared peace on the Soviet Union. The bonging will start in five minutes" Satellite launched to confirm global warming: finds none, crashes in Antarctica in protest Al-Qaeda founder discovers DNC playbook, attacks own side in war an terror Obama to slash deficit after increase; firefighters to quench house after setting fire to it
Treasury Dept buys Monopoly board game for policy advice Democrats pay back their constituents, save faltering squeegee businesses from collapsing
Muslim group offended by pork hidden in stimulus package, threatens revenge Obama appoints guilt czar to oversee fair distribution of guilt among all Americans Size matters: stimulus package so big it won't even fit on Drudge No help from Obama to storm-ravaged Kentucky; officials consider renaming state to New Orleans in effort to get attention Politico: volcano trouble in Alaska a result of Palin's policies MoveOn adopts Bush's cowboy diplomacy: 'You're either with Obama or Rush' Obama urges liberals to start listening to Rush Limbaugh: 'all too often we start by dictating on issues and don't always know all the factors involved. So let's listen.' More bad economic news: area antiwar group lays off its bumper sticker makers Dissent no longer patriotic: Obama Reminder to Hollywood celebrities: must change 'patriotic' setting from 'hate America' to 'love America' on Jan. 20 Obama promises to Photoshop a better future for America You won't be told lies if you don't ask questions: Obama's new media policy Personals: senate seats available in NY & Il. Hardly ever used. Cash OK. Change we can believe in: Clinton 1990s staffers Somali pirates hijack international space station Starting with 11/5/08, the cor- rect progressive greeting in America is "Barack Obama!" The reply is "Obama Barack!" Laika the Space Dog consi- dered for new White House pet: "Thoroughly vetted by Bill Ayers" CHANGE: President-elect Obama crushes Yankee imperialism in a landslide
Seven Obama cousins found living in voting boothUS choppers attack ACORN voter registration center in Syria US military: We decided to strike now because this time next year we’ll be a Peace Keeping force Biden predicts severe test for Obama in first six months: another question from Joe the Plumber Obama: Let he who is without wealth cash the first check! Joe Biden: work is a four-letter word
FBI investigates Mickey Mouse Club for voter fraud Embarrassed ACORN accidentally registers 'Ronald Reagan' Kids' hymns to Obama a success of Democrat strategy: If you can't abort them, indoctrinate them World to USA: 'Fix world ecomonic crisis so we can get back to hating you' Obama's campaign invites opponents to play 'Truth or Jail' Biden: Hoover text-messaged Americans to calm fears during 1929 crashDead support Obama, all are registered to vote by ACORN Biden calls taxes patriotic Study: Jesus spoke without a telepromter Obama promises free lipstic for everybody if elected KARAOKE: These Are The Jerks We Call Journalists Obama's negotiations with Gustav prove fruitful; storm spares "French Quarter" Feminist group: Sarah Palin worst mother since June Cleaver; decried as "too feminine" Obama: leave Bristol alone, she has been punished enough with a baby Putin shoots tiger with Polonium-laced dart Obama: ready from day one to place a call to UN if a US city is nuked Cult of personality at the People's Cube is up 90% compared to previous Five-Year Plan Congress established windfall tax on US gold medals International Olympic Committee to redistribute Phelp's ill-gotten golds to less fortunate athletes Obama beats Hillary to coveted CPUSA endorsement February 2050 declared White History Month. Future headlines expected to read "Minorities hardest hit... and deservedly so." Obama denounces Russia's actions; humbled Russia sends self to Gulag US trade deficit dropped; NYT instructs readers to turn paper upside down for more favorable view of graph Sharpton protests disproportionate deaths of Bernie Mac and Isaac Hayes, calls for immediate deaths of David Letterman and Billy Joel to even score Science to unveil invisible cloak; Conservative White Christian male in NJ says he's been invisible for years NYT: Russia's invasion of Georgia leaves much smaller carbon footprint than US invasion of Iraq Larry the Cable Guy issues call to "man the pick up trucks" as Russia invades Georgia Edwards claims he was having affair with camera, didn't notice woman attached Chavez's parents cut off Hugo's credit card after Moscow shopping binge Oil industry to Pelosi: You've been given a brain. Use it or lose it. Congress to declare July 19th International Swimmers' Day
How many superdelegates does it take to change a lightbulb? Photoshopped Iranian missile saves 25% on Islamic Republic's carbon footprint
Word of the day: HUSSIES n. Female Obama supporters changing their middle names to HusseinObama: we have always been at peace with Hillary ClintonGrand Rapids Mayor George Heartwell vows city will be "vanilla" when rebuilt Media grows impatient with Iowa's lack of flood-related rapes and pillaging: Why can't they be more like New Orleans? CNN investigates Iowans caught blowing FEMA debit cards at Tractor Supply Company Obama: WTC problem ended on 9/11, Pentagon still a problemHillary supporters organize against Obama Janet Reno congratulates Elian Gonzalez on joining Cuba's Young Communists
Dick Durbin denies that being Hell's spokesperson and moonlighting as a Democrat Senator presents a conflict of interest Flooding in Iowa causes typical white people to turn bitter and cling to evacuation procedures Democrat energy policy: let them eat cake Monica Lewinsky endorses Obama: 'This is not the Bill Clinton I knew' NASA unveils 'ass-crack' space suit for plumbing repairs at int'l space station Dead people at Obama's rally identified as a renegade splinter group of Hillary's 'invisible Americans' Howard Dean: dead people will vote Democrat no matter who gets the nomination Mainstream media silent on increased attacks on US troops by mainstream media Sen. Kennedy under treatment. Mary Jo still dead Muanmar drafts Mayor Nagin and Gov. Blanco to help with cyclone clean up New Orleans Mayor sends school buses to Myanmar As Darfur violence surges, world vows not to give a crap unless the US gets involved Chinese citizens crushed by bricks and rubble; tanks have day off
Friendly fire: BBC office hit by al-Qaeda rocket Al Gore knows what caused Burma cyclone but won't say it International community promises to suspend anti- Americanism until after American aid reaches Burma Mainstream media saddened that Austrian pedophile isn't a Catholic priest, a Baptist minister, or a GOP senator
North Korea's nuclear technicians protest outsourcing jobs to Syria Earth Day: save the planet, starve the children! Focus group: if water boarding was a sexual preference, they'd be teaching it in public schools Study: Wall Street losses unfairly target the rich Mixed month for MTV: teen pregnancy drops, however STDs are on the rise Obama pledges to give every typical small town family a possum sandwich Delays at American Airlines: a sneak peak into proposed government healthcare Stop and smell the Sharpies Obama: baby is punishment; tax increase is bundle of joy Media: this year's Global Bad News Awareness week to overlap with International Good News Obliviousness month NPR journalists go on truckers-style protest over high price of lattes Most popular April Fools joke: "A Democrat president won't raise taxes" Obama denounced extreme statements in Osama's new tape but urged voters to listen to the entire message before making judgment Obama's speech calls for change in stereotyping "the typical White person" Spitzer denies applying hardball tactics in front of bathroom mirror and threatening to come after himself New York State House retires Spitzer's #9 jersey KKK endorses Harvard's gym segregation policy: 'Blacks and Jews are next' London quake caused by SUV, now impounded by Scotland Yard Hillary's healthcare plan to include smelling salts for Obama's supporters and mandatory amputation of Chris Matthews' leg USMail Service to publish Obama's resume on new stamp Obama: one man's plagiarism is another man's audacity Candidate Barry O'Bama to court Irish vote Berkeley ousting US Marines gives hope to al Qaeda: 'If hippies can do it, so can we!' Berkley builds wall around self; man trying to flee 'Peace Sanctuary City' shot at checkpoint John McCain apologizes for going to Vietnam, earns Jane Fonda's endorsement To avoid scorn and ridicule, Tom Cruise converts to Islam NY Times: Backward, close-minded, inbred southern hicks vote for Obama NY Times: All the news that's fit to pimp Dems offer first female for President, first Black for President, first pretty pony for Attorney General Brokeback Mountain loses climber NASA's Spirit Rover finds Dennis Kucinich campaign on MarsLas Vegas: candidates offer plans to bail out flustered gamblers Feds: subprime borrowers' relief package to include subprime rib Silence in Cuba: Castro too ill to speak in public, Cubans too afraid to speak Dems adopt old British "don't mention the war" strategy for '08 campaign Obama's 'Take a penny, leave a penny' economic plan sparks new hope Obama's campaign hires homeless people to talk about change on street corners Panhandlers Union endorses Obama's plan for change Al Gore's children receive carbon credits for Winter Solstice Holiday Democrats call for troop surge in the War on Bush Murtha: if we quit now, capitalism will win Pelosi declares she likes class war, pledges to stay the course Expert blames Republicans for not attacking all Democrat candidates equally High school Meth teacher starts new class Holy Mitt! Violence in Iraq down 60%; media stories reporting this down 6000% Imus covers all bases by hiring undocumented-Black- Jewish-homeless- transgendered-vegan- disabled-obese-Kartina- victim as a sidekick Poll: most Muslims find curvature of Riemannian manifolds offensive "How The Grinch Redistributed Winter Solstice" opens on Broadway Left-wing bloggers hold vigil hoping suspect is connected to GOP candidate Hostage situation expected to be politicized in the next 20 minutes "Mall security" takes over operations in Baghdad New study suggests that 1 US gallon of Latte is 170 times more expensive than 1 US gallon of Regular gasoline. Al Gore sterilizes self to protect planet: 'Having children is selfish' NY Times: some news is fitter to print than others Study: most Americans will be worried about economy if told so often enough Musharraf changes name to Chavez to avoid being called "dictator" by MSM and Democrats in US Congress Media changes old adage "no news is good news" to "no good news is news" US Congress extends hurricane season until the first Sunday in November Lack of bad news from Iraq causes media recession. Women and minority journalists hardest hit. LA Times drops term "wild" describing fire, uses "undocumented" fire instead USA Today: big fires are getting bigger, small fires are getting smaller Reid: Global Warming caused fire by overheating arsonist's head, provoking delusional paranoia MoveOn.org pressures Congress to stop fighting fire and bring firemen home Reid: The war on fire is lost Pelosi: The number of fires has gone up since we started fighting fire Kerry: If you don't do well in school you'll get stuck fighting fire in California NY Times: Fighting fire creates even more fires Harry Reid auctions clothes, furniture, car on eBay in effort to make millions off his name. "If Limbaugh can do it so can I." No takers so far. Princess Leia Organa presents the Alderaanian Medal of Honor to Al Gore Did Che Guevara descend from Prophet Mohammed? San Andreas Fault in California preemptively renamed George Bush's Fault Media Matters editor blows self up over Limbaugh's 'bomber' remark End of Ramadan brings new rioting season to France Harry Reid bangs shoe on table: "We will bury you!" Dutch follow Ahmadinejad's lead, declare "there are no dykes in Holland" Ahmadinejad to Amerika: "Don't tase me, bro!" Bomb Girl and Taser Boy sell rights to their characters to Marvel Comics Cindy Sheehan hires Bomb Girl and Taser Boy as image consultants CBS stands by firing of Dan Rather: "He couldn't tell our logo from a hole in the ground" Jessie Jackson on Obama: "too White." Obama on Jackson: "I'm a smoke dat biatch if I see him"
Tasered victim at John Kerry's speech to receive Purple Heart Mugabe blames Zimbabwe's meltdown on Global Warming To stomp out possible confusion, MSM changes spelling of Obama to Ubama Craving acceptance from liberals, General Petraeus gains 300lbs and debuts report at Cannes. George Soros stops funding Democrats, converts to Islam Edwards: 41% of American children don't have lawyers John Edwards proposes "single payer" trial lawyer insurance for all, mandatory pre-jurisprudence care Illegal aliens kill people Americans won't killDemocrats select 2008 presidential slogan: "Death to America" Larry "Happy Feet" Craig uses Michael Flatley's Riverdance defense "Americans Coming Together" admit they had timing issues Presbyterian clergy issue fatwah calling for Pope's deathNew Jersey teen cracked iPhone with his face Vick awaits doggie-style welcome in prison Rock star behaves like rap star: huge media outcry China's recall of defective Daily Kos bloggers causes suicides among Democrat strategists Al Gore to recall the Internet Media declares September National Bridge Awareness Month First New Orleans, now Minnesota: Anderson Cooper travels up the Mississippi without a paddle Ray Nagin pledges to build a chocolate bridge instead William Jefferson spotted under collapsed bridge retrieving mystery package Cannibalism, rape, looting, republicanism rampant in Minneapolis Lindsay Lohan to enter astronaut training program Nigeria's plan to nationalize local spam industry sparks massive riots in Lagos
Democrat Congress's two major victories: minimum wage increase and al-Qaeda's restored operating capability London Mayor Livingston mandates Sharia law at nightclubs to prevent further bombings Taliban spokesman blames media bias as civilian deaths from US air strikes grab headlines: "Taliban has murdered thousands of civilians and we can't even get mentioned on Countdown with Olbermann. What gives?"Back alley massage parlors now offering "better ending than Sopranos" Bush to close Gitmo, detainees released into Mexican custody to be put on fast track to US citizenship
Study: Dan rather still unable to tell the difference between Paris Hilton and Katie Couric Civil war in Gaza: if it's not in Iraq why report it? US media increasingly impatient at lack of civil war in IraqUS Embassy in Syria warns of sex attacks. So how long will Bill be visiting for? Delighted Dems: "The surge has failed!"MSM spokesman: There are no civil war clashes in Gaza! Palestinians still wonder why their real civil war can't knock Iraq "civil war" off the front page As Albanians welcome Bush and show love for USA, NY Times offers them free subscriptions to "solve problem" Paris gets out of jail faster than an illegal immigrant Socialist utopia takes foothold in Venezuela as water cannons salute victory Pelosi: "I've seen climate change." John Fogerty of CCR also wants to know "if she's ever seen rain" Democrats call for troop withdrawal from Jersey Harry Reid: "Troop presence in New Jersey creating more terrorists" French riot police deployed as open minded, tolerant socialists expected to react to election results Progressives concerned with Sarkozy's "extremist agenda " of rule of law and assimilation to French culture Dems: War needs deadline; only social policies can run indefinitely Sheryl Crow to wipe out global warming one butt at a time Va Tech lessons for MSM: must ban guns, rich kids ACLU calls for calm, fears backlash against innocent gun owners: 'all gun owners aren't terrorists' Liberal groups join gun tolerance and awareness workshops Gun owners converting to Islam in droves to ward off profiling Sharp jump in number of 'non-decapitated' babies following Supreme Court decision Sharpton makes a list of 57 Don Imus sympathizers on public airwaves Al Gore and John Kerry agree: people who live in greenhouses should not expel noxious gases Al Gore hired by K-Y to pro- mote Global Warming Jelly New study shows Earth's 'fever' contagious; Mars asks planets to kick 'Greenhouse Mary' out of solar system Schumer demands Karl Rove be indicted on 1976 parking ticket Al Qaeda reacts to Schumer attack: "Thank Allah we're not Republicans!" Dems: Khalid Sheik Mohamed just watched too many episodes of 24 and made all that stuff in his confession up Fitzgerald to prosecute Ann Coulter for disclosing identity of presidential candidate John Edwards Following Scooter Libby success, media demands journalists be included on all future juries Kent State professor calls for bin Laden victory: time to bring in the National Guard again? Hollywood to America: our moral issues are better than your moral issues Obama promises to "purge himself" if he loses to Hillary to spare the public a lengthy trial House vote: Insurgents react with non-binding IED Democrat leaders don't support terrorists but they support their mission North Korea agrees to nuclear disarmament, media hails Madeleine Albright Bush: I support Democrat majority - but not their mission Is it time for Pinochet yet? Helen Thomas to be inducted into Museum of Natural History
buy a T-shirt
Experts: assassin hid bomb in anal cavity adjacent to brain
buy this sticker
Al-Qaeda founder discovers DNC playbook, attacks own side in war an terror
Murtha: if we quit now, capitalism will win
New Jersey teen cracked iPhone with his face
MSM spokesman: There are no civil war clashes in Gaza!
Helen Thomas to be inducted into Museum of Natural History
