BAGHDAD - The recent gains by US military in Iraq appear to be the result of a new approach that copies attack strategies used by the Democrats against Republicans in Washington. "Relentless, unprovoked, ungrounded, and indiscriminate attacks for the sake of attacking - whoever, whatever, whenever - have sent the enemy cowering into the deepest holes, immobilized with panic and despair. Impressed by such a resounding success, the Pentagon is now trying to adapt the same strategy to fight insurgency in Iraq," U.S. Lt. Gen. David Petraeus said Friday.

The Schumer Gambit is one of the deadliest tactics the Pentagon has learned from the Democrats. It exhausts the enemy by endless baseless allegations, hearings, investigations, and nonsensical press conferences, dragging them on for many hours until all participants lose any sense of reality, become sensory deprived, and drop their guard - at which point the enemy is quickly and ruthlessly annihilated. Senator Schumer shares fighting techniques with soldiers of the newly formed Screaming Schumer's Division. Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid: "Karl Rove, we're coming for you next, piggy! Oh, we're coming!"

Similarly, the infamous Whack-a-Mole strategy in Iraq was but an emulation of the earlier Democrat approach to hammering the GOP forces - a game of futility that continued until the player got tired and quit or he ran out of money and ammunition. But it only had a temporary effect, suppressing the enemy in one area but allowing the Republicans to regroup and re-emerge somewhere else.

House Speaker Nancy Pelosi teaches young Democrats to play Whack-a-Mole with the GOP

The new troop surge doctrine, in essence, emulates the Democrat buildup in Washington in the aftermath of November elections. A surge in Congress enabled the growing Democrat forces to intensify relentless attacks and clear a lot of territory in what was previously considered Republican strongholds. Their successes have sent Pentagon experts to DNC headquarters in an effort to learn how to use these effective fighting techniques on the insurgents.

Democrats don't refuse to take credit where credit is due. "Our new game is called Seal-a-Hole," recalled House Speaker Nancy Pelosi (D-CA) as she gladly shared best practices with Army and Marine commanders. "It has a very different dynamic from the earlier Whack-a-Mole game. Seal-a-Hole actually has a victory point. When all the holes are sealed, the game is over - and the Democrats have won."

Even though Seal-a-Hole is not futile, it requires a great deal of patience. "There are many, many holes, and each hole has a mole that must be whacked," Pelosi said. "Some of the holes, such as the White House, are very big and will require many mallets to properly seal. We get occasional reports of growing hotbeds for suspected Republican extremists fleeing the Democrat-led security operation in Washington. But if we have the courage and fortitude of our allies in the Iraqi insurgency, we will seal those holes, and we will win.

Among the new military tactics borrowed from the Democrat playbook are the Hypocrisy Maneuver, Bribery Jig, Pork Barrel Ploy, Empty Promises Dodge, Personal Destruction Demarche, Presumption of Guilt Stratagem, and the Schumer Gambit.

Amnesty International and other human rights watch groups have issued warnings indicating that some of the Democrat ruthless take-no-prisoners tactics cannot be used against the Iraqi insurgents as they violate a host of international laws, accepted rules of engagement, and mere human decency.