It has come to our attention that Mayor Simone Stein-Lücke of Bonn, Germany, has come under fire for sharing a picture of a cucumber on social media. If she were to share a picture of a cucumber inside of a condom as an educational visual aide for local kindergartners, she might have been praised for her courage and open-mindedness. Unfortunately, this Mayor chose to share a picture of a cucumber (Gurke in German) that looked like the Islamic burka, and named it "Gurka."
In this regard, our scientists at the Karl Marx Treatment Center have come up with the following recommendation:
All progressive humanity should henceforth abstain from all kinds of humor, puns, spoonerisms, malapropisms, and other forms of wordplay, which by default are offensive to the ever increasing Islamic community, whose culture denounces jokes as bold-faced lies and mandates a strictly literal interpretation of any statement lest the author be accused of blasphemy and executed.
Even if the joke or wordplay has nothing to do with Islam, it is nearly impossible for a Westerner to know the potential extent of offence it may or may not contain for a devout Muslim. Therefore, any humor in public space should be thoroughly rationed and posted on social media only with express permission of trained government professionals, who will review the jokes and/or puns within 72 hours upon written submission and issue a special one-time permit to share the joke and/or pun along with a recommended amount of spontaneous laughter based on a state-approved scale, from one to ten, ten being the loudest and the most heart-felt.
This includes Internet memes, Photoshops, and any other images that contain elements of fantasy, absurdity, or simply allow multiple interpretations, especially if they are based on wordplay.
On the subject of cucumbers or any other vegetables, examples include the renowned People's Cube classic, "The Beetles on the Abbey Road"...
...or even this lovely picture of a Muslima wearing a Burkini.
Concerning: humor and muslims.
Please take your time to watch the following Dutch television show (english subtitled!):
The brilliant comedian Hans Teeuwen takes on a panel of three Muzzlim women and brings their arguments down with humor...
Or is it Gurkhas?
From our favorite satire site The People's Cube comes their take on the real-life controversy over a cucumber shaped like someone in a burka -- yes, it's a real controversy. Read below: