Comrades, I'm interested in doing a study on stupidity and am wondering how to go about getting a grant. This will be a field study. I plan to spend the next ten years doing a lot of stupid things and recording the results, either negative, neutral or positive. Should my application for a grant be unbelievably stupid or should I be more honest and risk rejection? Any advice, stupid or otherwise, would be appreciated.

I can see this as the next "must do" degree course for all young people. It's both theoretical and practical. We would study the theory of stupidity and have practical exercises in stupidity. Some organized and others will be course home projects, allowing the creativity of the students to be expressed.

Surviving, while not knowing how that happened, and explaining some vague recollection of what happened, is all that would be required for this degree.

We must study stupidity carefully. First, we must deny we are studying stupidity in order to create a conspiracy about stupidity. That will provide the misinformation cover story that stupidity even exists.

Most Equally Esteemed Marsupial,

I live in an epicenter of stupid.  I see it everywhere I look.  During conversations with locals I realized that I could feel valuable IQ points slipping away.  Now I avoid conversations with locals because I'm afraid it will be contagious.  How everyone in an entire region could sleep through economics, physics, history, thermal dynamics, geology, etc is beyond me.  It is the pride in their willful ignorance that I can't abide.  You don't have to find a way to make stupidity more appealing.  The masses are actively seeking it as I type.  That said, best of luck in obtaining your grant funding.  Just remember, researchers need to drive a Porsche too!

OK, I feel better now.  I'll let someone else have the fun of denouncing me.  The line forms to the Left...

Red Salmon

Red Salmon wrote: ↑

4/27/2024, 7:08 pm

You don't have to find a way to make stupidity more appealing. 

Comrade, I'm not seeking to make stupidity more appealing. That market is already flooded. I want to make it more profitable, for The Children™.

Kapitan Kangaroo Kourt wrote: ↑

4/27/2024, 11:30 pm

Red Salmon wrote: ↑

4/27/2024, 7:08 pm

You don't have to find a way to make stupidity more appealing. 

Comrade, I'm not seeking to make stupidity more appealing. That market is already flooded. I want to make it more profitable, for The Children™.

PROFITABLE??? Just another capitalist exploitation of the stupidity of others… Komrade Marsupial, you don’t fool the jackalope with your profits over The Children.

The jackalope had a benign job teaching The Children to read at grade level, but success wasn’t profitable for the Administration. A Russian Hoax memo sent ‘pelipsky to the psychiatrist office. Stupidity from the FEDs paid more. Like Soros paying Home Land terrorists, that’s the profit margin in increased stupidity.

Comrade 'pelipski, government study grants are not designed to increase learning. Nobody ever learns anything from them. But they do get paid a lot to do them.

Kapitan Kangaroo Kourt wrote: ↑

4/28/2024, 1:19 pm

Comrade 'pelipski, government study grants are not designed to increase learning. Nobody ever learns anything from them. But they do get paid a lot to do them.

These facts are true. WE paid them a lot of money to do it to us gets into the complexities of stupidity.

Here’s a dramatic reading as Texazistan’s Signor Senator, John Cornyn, ruminating with his speech writer, his upcoming Texazistan Republican Convention speech. Last year, Signor Cornyn courageously informed the voting electorate before him, he would never bow to a mob of people like us. The mob deafenly booed him in response, which proved Signor Cornyn’s point about a mob of knowledgeable electors determining party direction.

How far can we push the stupidity enhancement into a speech writing art form?

‘pelipsky advises that he vow to Secede as Texazistan Signor in THE SENATE if We, elect Trump to be our President, again. Signor Cornyn of Texazistan must be firm in his resolve to secede as representive of a Nation/State populated with non-migratory citizens, who are that stuck on stupid. Honor forbids it!

Wouldn’t that be a jackalope listening device hanging on the trophy wall of Signor Cornyn’s Office story to exploit stupidity here at TPC? The hard evidence recorded by an innocuous jackalope wall hanging.
A jackalope pop up toaster just looks benign. On the restaurant wall? Watching, listening, 24/7.

Of course this idea is unprofitable stupidity, which gets us back to real stupidity, and how to make it work in exchange for folding money. Word is, having tidy bundles of folding money prepared in advance, puts you ahead in the Potemkin Administration. Real Stupidity costs, with out much return on investment.

Every one should put their folding money into tidy and organized People’s Cubes before the stupid season rush.

Comrade Captain Marsupial,

Your goal of the grant (vs. a government contract) is a noble one.

Be advised, the trick to redistributing ill-gotten gains in your favor is not in getting your turn at a government nipple, it's in not having to provide a product or service in return.

Start by adding a "Z" or a vowel to the end of your name, and start saying "Mi Amigo" instead of "Comrade" in discussions. It's already worked for over 14 million "newcomers" just during the current administration so far.

You're welcome.

Most Equally Esteemed Comrades,

At one point I amused myself by writing Federal grant applications for fire fighting equipment. My success rate was noticed by one of the Federal trough fillers. He suggested I apply for a grant to study some subject I found interesting. His advice: Apply for at least 5 times as much money as your most extravagant estimation of costs. I did so. I operated under the maxim that the only purpose of research is to gain funding for further research. Much like the purpose of all committee meetings is to schedule the next meeting. I was a raging success. Soon I couldn’t stand to be in the same room with myself and decided to do some actual useful work to make a living. Scruples will cost you.

Red Salmon