On the heels of his widely-praised exchange of Sgt. Bowe Bergdahl for five captured Taliban commanders, which Democratic strategists are comparing to trading General George Patton for five taxi drivers, President Obama went them one better and swapped all remaining Guantanamo detainees for a bag of magic beans.

In announcing the trade, Secretary of State John Kerry stated, "President Obama has unloaded hundreds of unskilled laborers and taxi drivers whom we already have enough of, and transported them from Gitmo to Afghanistan where they will be more likely to find jobs that fit their training and aspirations, like driving a cab, or follow their dream of being an artist or a poet."

"The magic beans he obtained from the Taliban in the trade will grow into large beanstalks which will pierce the cloud cover of Republican obstructionism surrounding the planet, and help alleviate climate change. It's a win-win," Kerry said.

"This is a big effing deal," said Vice President Joe Biden praising the trade. "For years the enemy has claimed our foreign policy was based on magical thinking. This swap is proof that we are guided by practicality and realism," Biden said, adding in passing that "someone's been eating [his] porridge."

Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid also made a supportive statement, noting that the giant beanstalks will help reduce the deficit: "We can send people to climb up the beanstalks and steal gold from the giant Koch Brothers, who have hidden it in a castle in the clouds so they wouldn't have to pay taxes on it. Fee, fi, fo, fum," stated Reid.

State Department's Senior Twitterer, Jen Psaki, preempted any hostile criticism by Tweeting that the idea of growing large beanstalks around the White House has nothing to do with making it difficult to see what's going on inside, nor is it an attempt to distract attention from alleged "scandals," such as, the VA and Benghazi. "If anything, President Obama does not give himself enough credit for all his accomplishments in the last five years. He doesn't need magic plants to hide his successes from the public," Psaki Tweeted.

UN Ambassador Susan Rice led the Administration's effort to sell the transaction to TV viewers, telling a Sunday cooking show that "magic beans can be served with honor and distinction, especially with a main dish of fowl, such as crow."

In a rare public statement, Mullah Omar, leader of the Taliban Taxi Drivers' Union, called the swap a "victory" for President Obama in his fight against climate change. "Allah willing, we will continue to aid Obama's jihad against non-believers in global warming."

"Since he's clean out of detainees, maybe Obama can trade more of our magic beans for something else he doesn't need, like spent plutonium, for example. Our mountain caves make excellent toxic waste repositories. Call me if you want to trade, Barack," stated Omar, holding his thumb and index finger out in the traditional "phone call" hand gesture.

He should trade away Boner, Boehner, whatever. The Chinese are right: BO is a little Boehner or whatever, like little Dick Durbin. A limp Richard. He needs to look to me, his wife, for juevos. I would lend him some for a case or so of extra saturated Crisco. He didn't waste money that could be spent on vacation to send these jokers to the mid east. He just sent them to Arizona, where they each could vote several dozen times for democrats. BTW, tell JFingK that we, the Buttzz sisters, ate his porridge. And he can kiss Reid's Fee, Fi, Fo, Fum Bum if he doesn't assimilate it. Where's a real man, like Rahm-and his tutu--when you need her or him? Bill was the first black president, and no, Barry is not the first female, but clearly the first Eunich. PPS, Taliban: Please don't kidnap our top assets John McFlake & Jeff Cain, AZ's KGB reps.

Comrade Opiate, I find my willing suspension of disbelief on all things favorable to The His administration tested under the scenario presented since The His administration is already full of beans, among other things, magical and otherwise. Certainly there was more to this magnificent deal for repatriation of a patriot than is being filtered through the glorious Peoples' Media.™ I suspect there may have also been some arrangement for the Talibaners to volunteer to oversee the provision of hallal compliant edibles for The Children's™ school lunches. In that way the rethuglikkan attack on Moo's Let's Moo program she signed into law may also be properly called racist and theophobic.

The highlights include: “The Reset Button ™ ”, Amnesty, “The Undershot Stimulus ™”, IRS Scandals, Benghazi, the VA scandals, School Lunch Program ™ , NSA Entertainment Program ™, the new EPA rules preventing thousands of deadly projectiles rocketing through the atmosphere threatening millions undocumented workers, the op-eds for the Huffington Post, LA Times or the New York Times, finally admitting that America is the “Criminal Imperialist ™ ”, and now the “Obama Gitmo Trading Bureau ™, These and much, much more, all of which is to nurture and guide us as they have throughout our recent history because as we know it, without the “Tragical Mystery Bean Tour ™ ”, the human race will essentially be left to wander alone and never had the opportunity to appreciate the fine art of social engineering, beets or preserving the future for all our children we have yet to abort. The tour will continue to focus on tough choices and personal sacrifices. Most importantly it will require wealth redistribution, reparations to all those who we have offended both foreign and domestic, government control of production and the abandonment of the free market system…and the tour will continue to fight those who stand against such bold initiatives…..the show must go on Comrades! Here is a list from the recent midnight boxcar tour:


Tragical Mystery Bean Tour™

The Conservative on the Hill

Benghazi Bullets Flying

Reparations the Blue State Way

Your Government Should Know

I am the “ Leader ™ ”

Hello, Goodbye Capitalism

NSA Fields Forever

Amnesty Lane

Baby You're a Rich Koch Man

All You Need is Government ( My favorite )

From magic beans do mighty beanstalks grow!

Mother Page!

In related news...

OBAMA TRADES JAPAN AND SOUTH KOREA TO CHINA FOR GINSU KNIFE SET

AWD wrote:In a shocking development late today, the White House announced President Barack Obama has completed a deal with the Chinese government to trade Japan and South Korea in exchange for a Ginsu Knife set.

Speaking of fairy tales, this one reminds me of Pinocchio:

Magic beans you say? I can see that.

I can smell it too. It reeks like the garbage cans full of Michelle's mandated healthy school lunches.

This is an inspired negotiation Comrades. Only our Great Leader has the foresight to realize that the by product of Magic Beans is Magic Gas and only Magic Gas can power the peoples Magic Bus to next Tuesday. Soon we will travel in the peoples Magic Gas powered Magic Busses to our glorious population centers where we will live in our comfortable closets heated by Magic Gas.

worddust wrote:This is an inspired negotiation Comrades. Only our Great Leader has the foresight to realize that the by product of Magic Beans is Magic Gas and only Magic Gas can power the peoples Magic Bus to next Tuesday. Soon we will travel in the peoples Magic Gas powered Magic Busses to our glorious population centers where we will live in our comfortable closets heated by Magic Gas.

... but only if the Magic Gas is produced by human slaves beings. Gas emitted by cattle is evil methane and thus proof that all cattle and their grazing land must be confiscated by the government for the good of The Children.™

Ha! I know how to game this "fart emissions" thingy, and get the most from my government. The government beans I am allotted allow me approximately 10 farts per day at $10 per fart. Hah! What a joke!

I can easily duplicate the sounds of my farts with my mouth. So, I figure, using my Obamaphone, I can repeat this sound with my mouth (I'm very good at it) at least three times the allotted farts. That means 30 farts per day=$300! Damn! I love America! What a country!

trashmouth wrote:

I love everything you posted! Everything! Thanks!Wish you had posted links but don't worry, I can look them up.You might want to consult with the Cube's Karaoke where I'm sure you will make a most awesome contribution.I messed up here, Trashmouth, so sorry. Your post stands on it's own. And, I support it!

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Ha! Silly Afghantsy, now all your magic beans are belong to us.

I am suddenly remembering old song we used to be singing around the pile of burning trash we lit to keep warm:
Beans, beans, they're good for your heart
The more you eat, the more strength you will be having for The October Revolution.

Now that is one catchy little tune. Better than Justin Beiberoski could do.

Harlanovichski wrote:I am suddenly remembering old song we used to be singing around the pile of burning trash we lit to keep warm:
Beans, beans, they're good for your heart
The more you eat, the more strength you will be having for The October Revolution.

Now that is one catchy little tune. Better than Justin Beiberoski could do.

And, as a made Prog, I just love the way it rhymes! As a student of Common Core, I know more than anyone, including my silly elders (before Common Core), what rhymes and what doesn't! You can't fool me!

But are they magic Gaia ™ beans?

Harlanovichski wrote:I am suddenly remembering old song we used to be singing around the pile of burning trash we lit to keep warm:
Beans, beans, they're good for your heart
The more you eat, the more strength you will be having for The October Revolution.

Now that is one catchy little tune. Better than Justin Beiberoski could do.

Beans, beans the magical fruit
The more you eat the more you ....can loot!!!
..The more you loot the better you feel,
Let's eat beans for every meal!

Give me that sledge hammer, this store window is hard to break.