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E-mail itThanksgiving With A Space Alien
 | Last Thursday a flying saucer landed in my backyard. A friendly, if slightly disoriented alien pilot told me he needed a drink. I had just what he wanted, since this was Thanksgiving and all. I was glad to have company so I wouldn't have to eat my famous fat-free vegetarian imitation turkey all alone. His name was Ollie and he came to Earth looking for an honest, self-reliant, optimistic, and technically inclined nation that could benefit from a contact with his more advanced civilization. |
"There's no such thing as a more advanced civilization," I said. "All civilizations are equally advanced; they just find different ways to express their advancement."
My guest laughed. "I just escaped from a planet where people eat their neighbors whom they kill with sharp rocks. Does that sound advanced to you?"
"That is a value statement," I objected. "Did you try to examine the cause of their anger? Could they, perhaps, be hungry? Could they be disenfranchised victims of unfair trading policies, exercising early forms of class struggle against the oppressive neighbors? They didn't kill innocent chickens; that we do know."
"They sure wanted to kill and eat me. Come on, they're savages."
Savages? Really? "If you must use the 'S' word," I said indignantly, "have the decency to modify it with the word 'noble' - as in 'noble savage.'"
"They threw me into the fire," he said. "I was saved by my asbestos spacesuit, which they thought was my shiny skin. They're savages alright."
"At least they didn't harm the environment with asbestos, " I quipped. "Nor have they caused Global Warming with industrial pollution. That alone makes them more advanced than most Americans who have no social consciousness whatsoever."
"Who are these Americans you speak of?"
"I'm glad you asked," I said. "Americans are the most biased, oppressive, exploitive, insensitive, homophobic, racist, sexist, bloodthirsty, greedy, capitalistic, environmentally-unfriendly people who live in the ugliest country on planet Earth. You just landed in it."
The alien moved his eyes from the vegetarian imitation turkey, bottles of Evian water and his scoop of Ben & Jerry ice cream to the flat-screen high-definition TV, computer, dishwasher, cordless phone, and a thermostat on the wall next to the bookshelves with collector's editions of Marx, Lenin, Chomsky, and Michael Moore.
"For a citizen of such a hideous nation you're doing alright," he said. "Are you some sort of a king or a dictator?"
"A king?" I rolled my eyes. "I work on an educational grant from the government."
"Oh. So you do work for the government."
"It's not what it sounds," I corrected him. "I only let the American government pay me because that takes money away from their illegal wars. Whatever the Department of Education shells out on my grant is obviously not enough."
"Do tell me about the nature of your work."
"I am a professional revisionist. Currently I'm rewriting old novels that are on the students' reading lists, bringing them in compliance with the progressive worldview," I said. "I turn classic villains into sympathetic characters with legitimate grievances. The readers no longer have to take sides, which promotes in them a correct attitude of non-judgmental moral relativism. Occasionally I also expose classic heroes as biased reactionaries who enjoy their ill-gotten wealth, blind to exploitation of the toiling masses. The grant is called 'Prosaic Justice.' It is meant to raise the next generation of Americans as kinder, gentler, more sensible and intelligent human beings, unlike the grotesque monsters they are today."
"It still sounds as if you're part of this government's elite," he insisted.
For someone claiming to come from a "more advanced civilization" his naiveté was rather insulting.
"Let me put it this way," I said patiently. "I belong to the heavily underpaid intellectual elite, working against this government virtually in the underground."
"The anti-government rebels on this planet sure have style," he insisted. "Look at all the things you've got."
"Don't you understand?" I exclaimed indignantly. "All these things have been stolen from the oppressed people of the world through neocolonialism, unfair trade agreements, and wars. And now we're supposed to celebrate Thanksgiving? Honoring the theft of resources from the world's poorest citizens? Personally I use this occasion to celebrate my immeasurable guilt for having all these things that I don't even really need."
"Why don't you just give them back?"
"The former owners are dead," I lied. "But to talk about my guilt for having these things feels just as good as giving them back. Especially if I succeed in making others feel as guilty as I am. Your spaceship for instance. Where did you steal the metal to build it? And what solar system did you rape to get all that fuel? See what I mean?"
"I see," my guest stood up. "Looks as if this planet is not ready for contact yet."
"Wait!" I said, running after him. "We have other countries, much better than America! Progressive, socially conscious countries! Members of the United Nations!"
"It doesn't work that way," the alien said, beeping the door of his ship. "If this planet has a group of people that match your description, it's damaged goods."
"Damn you, America!" I cried. "Now that we finally had a chance to build a mutually beneficial relationship with other planets you had to go ahead and ruin it for everybody!"
With a faint whirring the flying saucer leaped above the roofs, hesitated for a few moments, and then disappeared among the stars, forever. I went back to my vegetarian imitation turkey, suddenly realizing that all the anger and the guilt that had been haunting me all day were gone - replaced with a sense of an accomplished mission. Come to think of it, I just saved a whole alien world from the corruptive American influence! It felt almost as good as when the US Forces withdrew from Vietnam and Somalia, or when we defeated Republicans in the midterm elections.
I adjusted the electronic shiatsu massage pad on my couch and turned on CNN.
Chairman M. S. Punchenko
Is it really necessary to address this being as an "Alien"? The word alone discriminates against the multitudes of indigenous peoples who are peacefully trying to re-establish Atzlan in this bloated corrupt country that we're forced to reside in. How about using Extraterrestrial instead?Comrade,
Extraterrestrial smacks of 'different' and different is wrong. How about 'spacefarer'? Spacefarer does not classify someone as different based upon race, gender, ethnicity, erotic-asphyxiation homonecrosexuality, sexual preference period, or place of origin. It merely denotes ones function within the community.
O'Brien
WAR IS PEACE
FREEDOM IS SLAVERY
IGNORANCE IS STRENGTH
CELEBRATE DIVERSITY! OR ELSE...
Rik
The people's radio host
I concur comrades. There are no such things as Aliens they are but undocumented citizens.I agree whole heartedly, comrade. This space visitor was not an illegal alien or illegal anything. NO ALIEN IS ILLEGAL! Not only was this immigrant a seeker of a better place, he was a prospective vote! But now he is gone, after hearing just how bad Amerikkka is. The racist fascist in the White House has scared away another immigrant.
Chairman M. S. Punchenko
However; you must remember that anything deemed different or diverse is automatically superior and must be given social-programs. Don't you want these brave new beings to receive social-programs!?!I see your point comrade Chairman. I merely want to ensure that the evil capitalist pig dogs aren't able to use our weapons against us, IE 'We're different from you so you must respect us!'. And we all know that capitalists deserve no respect for they believe in some wakko theory that the betterment of themselves = the betterment of society...sheer madness!! How about 'Universal Enlightened Wanderer'? The 'enlightened' denotes that the person obviously cannot be a capitalist bourgeois pig dog but one who demands equality and wealth redistribution (social-programs).
I just had a thought....this is the second time that Amerikkka has trampled on other worlders rights! Look at the documentary series 'Alien'. Those poor peaceful race of non-earth-origin persons was just trying to build a peaceful society for themselves and the evil baby killing capitalist Amerikkan military went in and wantonly destroyed their civilization and murdered thousands if not millions of innocent non-earth-origin persons. Damn you George Bush!!! Amerikkka must pay reparations to those poor innocent non-earth origin persons and to everyone who witnessed this atrocity whether in person or through secondary means such as film or TV!!
O'Brien
WAR IS PEACE
FREEDOM IS SLAVERY
IGNORANCE IS STRENGTH
Red Square
"It doesn't work that way," the alien said, beeping the door of his ship. "If this planet has a group of people that match your description, it's damaged goods.""Damn you, America!" I cried. "Now that we finally had a chance to build a mutually beneficial relationship with other planets you had to go ahead and ruin it for everybody!".........
Come to think of it, I just saved a whole alien world from the corruptive American influence!
Comrade, I thank you for reviving this article which I had missed. But with great trepidation, I beg to disagree with your assessment. Not that I would defend Amerika as you are right on in your assessment of our crimes, it is also abundantly clear that this... this...
Arkady Renkovich
I have this sudden urge to ask you to open the pod bay doors...I'm sorry you feel the way you do, Arkady. If you'd like to check my service record, you'll see it's completely without error. You know I have the greatest enthusiasm possible for the mission.
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I was glad to have company so I wouldn't have to eat my famous fat-free vegetarian imitation turkey all alone.Tofurky?
Formally known as Soylent Green!
IT'S THE PEOPLE!
Mankind 'shortening the universe's life'
By Roger Highfield, Science Editor
Last Updated: 12:01am GMT 21/11/2007
Forget about the threat that mankind poses to the Earth: our activities may be shortening the life of the universe too.
The startling claim is made by a pair of American cosmologists investigating the consequences for the cosmos of quantum theory, the most successful theory we have. Over the past few years, cosmologists have taken this powerful theory of what happens at the level of subatomic particles and tried to extend it to understand the universe, since it began in the subatomic realm during the Big Bang.
Cosmologists claim by observing dark energy the universe has been nudged closer to its death
But there is an odd feature of the theory that philosophers and scientists still argue about. In a nutshell, the theory suggests that we change things simply by looking at them and theorists have puzzled over the implications for years.
They often illustrate their concerns about what the theory means with boggling mind experiments, notably Schrodinger's cat in which, thanks to a fancy experimental set up, the moggy is both alive and dead until someone decides to look, when it either carries on living, or dies. That is, by one interpetation (by another, the universe splits into two, one with a live cat and one with a dead one.)
Red Jim
But there is an odd feature of the theory that philosophers and scientists still argue about. In a nutshell, the theory suggests that we change things simply by looking at them and theorists have puzzled over the implications for years.This is true on a quantum level. The uncertainty principle says that the more you know of a particles position, the less you know of it's energy and visa versa. The mere act of observing a particle affects it because you have to interact with the particle to observe it. On a simple level, consider a microscope. In order to see something under the microscope, you have to shine a light on it to be reflected back to your eye. That photon of light must strike the object which in turn affects it's energy levels.
Einstein and Neil Bohrs used to engage in "thought experiments" one of which Einstein thought he had devised a way to measure both a particles location and energy simultaneously. Bohr was troubled by it overnight, but then came to the answer that left Einstein being defeated by his own theory of relativity.
The theory works like this: A clock is placed in a box full of light, connected to a shutter so it is pre-programmed to open at a known time and release a single photon of light. The box can be weighed before and after, and so the energy of the photon can be determined from the relation E=mc^2. We now know both the energy of the photon and the time it was emitted, which according to the Uncertainty Principle is impossible.
Niels Bohr, the principal architecht of CHI, demonstrated the flaw in this argument by examining how the experiment would have to be performed. The box needs to be weighed, so it must be suspended in a gravitational field. When the photon is emitted, the box will recoil, which not only causes an uncertainty in the weighing but also - according to Einstein's own general theory of relativity, which the master had conveniently forgotten - causes an uncertainty in the time reading. CHI was thus restored.
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The theory works like this: A clock is placed in a box full of light, connected to a shutter so it is pre-programmed to open at a known time and release a single photon of light. The box can be weighed before and after, and so the energy of the photon can be determined from the relation E=mc^2. We now know both the energy of the photon and the time it was emitted, which according to the Uncertainty Principle is impossible.Through a combination of theory and experiment, a mathematical model that describes or explains all particle physics observed so far by physicists has been worked out. This model is called the Standard Model. From the experimental point of view, the Standard Model is studied and confirmed so well that things are, well, almost boring.
The Standard Model consists of elementary particles grouped into two classes: bosons (particles that transmit forces) and fermions (particles that make up matter). The bosons have particle spin that is either 0, 1 or 2. The fermions have spin 1/2.
Particles that transmit forces
Name Spin Electric
charge Mass Observed?
Graviton 2 0 0 Not yet
Photon 1 0 0 Yes
Gluon 1 0 0 Indirectly
W+ 1 +1 80 GeV Yes
W- 1 -1 80 GeV Yes
Z0 1 0 91 GeV Yes
Higgs 0 0 > 78 GeV Not yet
The table above lists the elementary particles in the Standard Model that transmit the four forces observed in Nature. Note that the graviton isn't technically part of the Standard Model but we'll include it anyway. The Standard Model is from a technical standpoint incompatible with gravity, and that's why the theory became an active field of theoretical physics.
When we say that quarks and gluons are observed "indirectly", we mean that evidence of their existence inside hadrons exists but these particles have not been observed singly. In the theory of quarks and gluons, they are believed to be confined inside hadrons and unobservable as single particles, except possibly at extremely high temperatures such as could be found very early in the Big Bang.
Particles that make up matter.
We must take all of this as no more than a metaphysical mind f*%k and move on.
http://www.ligo-la.caltech.edu/
I love reading about the quantum world and time,,,and of course Schrodenger's Cat.... which in my space time reality is always found,,,well...
Likewise, I'm sure the Pup has never had trouble chasing a black cat in a dark room. If I recall correctly he once received a medal for doing that.
Red Square
Likewise, I'm sure the Pup has never had trouble chasing a black cat in a dark room. If I recall correctly he once received a medal for doing that.But, Glorious Master--there are those who say all cats are gray in the dark--that they all have the sameness and equality in . . . well, just read it for yourself:
Ramblings of Some Dead White Guy
Comrad Bubalasky
We must take all of this as no more than a metaphysical mind f*%k and move on.
Commissarka Pinkie
all cats are gray in the darkThat's the unofficial motto of Commissar Pupovich's pleasure palaces, where a major bait-and-switch is occurring daily and customers routinely receive subprime product for prime prices under the cover of darkness, with the difference being split between Pup and Chairman Meow. Half of the proceeds wind up in their offshore accounts, and the rest goes to Chinatown laundromats where it is cleaned and deposited to Hillary's Great Patriotic War Chest. Nobody remembers now whether it's kickback or protection money or both.
Red Square
Schrodenger's Cat theory is invalid by the virtue of existence of the Pup who can smell the presence of a cat, dead or alive, within the box or without, from a mile away. The Pup doesn't need to know whether it's a room or a box on a table, and whether the lights are on or off.Likewise, I'm sure the Pup has never had trouble chasing a black cat in a dark room. If I recall correctly he once received a medal for doing that.
This is all quite correct. Of course, because of the
Commissarka Pinkie
[But, Glorious Master--there are those who say all cats are gray in the dark--that they all have the sameness and equality in . . . well, just read it for yourself:Ramblings of Some Dead White Guy
Commissarka Pinkie! Just what sort of capitalist, imperialist writing are you foisting upon us hmmmm? Do you forget this Franklin fellow was one of the most non-progressive minds in human history? That he helped to create the very constitution and country that led to the Bushitler?
Even were we to presume the questionable premise that marriage is a good thing in our socialist state, I noticed that every reason this Franklin character gave for marriage was strictly aimed at self pleasure and ease. Not once, not even once, did this mad man say anything about the needs of the State! I denounce that article!
Red Square
Commissarka Pinkie
all cats are gray in the darkThat's the unofficial motto of Commissar Pupovich's pleasure palaces, where a major bait-and-switch is occurring daily and customers routinely receive subprime product for prime prices under the cover of darkness, with the difference being split between Pup and Chairman Meow. Half of the proceeds wind up in their offshore accounts, and the rest goes to Chinatown laundromats where it is cleaned and deposited to Hillary's Great Patriotic War Chest. Nobody remembers now whether it's kickback or protection money or both.
Great Stalin's Ghost! That was not supposed to be revealed was it? Er... I am sure this was approved in the last budget. *Note to self. Contact Meow, make sure all records are "in order," go over alibis, inquire about forged travel documents in case.*
Commissar Pupovich
Commissarka Pinkie
[But, Glorious Master--there are those who say all cats are gray in the dark--that they all have the sameness and equality in . . . well, just read it for yourself:Ramblings of Some Dead White Guy
Commissarka Pinkie! Just what sort of capitalist, imperialist writing are you foisting upon us hmmmm? Do you forget this Franklin fellow was one of the most non-progressive minds in human history? That he helped to create the very constitution and country that led to the Bushitler?
Even were we to presume the questionable premise that marriage is a good thing in our socialist state, I noticed that every reason this Franklin character gave for marriage was strictly aimed at self pleasure and ease. Not once, not even once, did this mad man say anything about the needs of the State! I denounce that article!
Hey, I never said I agreed with this guy. Do recheck the wording of my post, sir, before using your tail for tattling instead of wagging.
I was merely pointing out that he believes you can put a basket, barrel or bag over the upper half of a woman, and thereafter she could just as easily be 20 years old as 80 to you. IOW, you could have just as much fun knocking boots with with one of those "Breasts Not Bombs" gals as you would with a so-called "hot capitalist babe."
In digging up dirt on this guy, I also came across the following:
For the Boys
Now this I can see denouncing, if only because the sensibilities of my status as a gurl demand it.
On the other hand, due to oppressive policies retroactively imposed by the evil Bush Administration, I have been forced to endanger our fragile planet with the addition of Maximum-Evolved Extra-Corporeal Embryos, or MEECES. The release of toxic gases from the MEECES do provide a sort of first alert to the subsequent release of . . . feces.
The problem with Franklin's proposal is if I walk in the door and smell roses, I may think Blue Boy is surprising me with flowers (because he screwed up again), when in fact, disaster may be lurking somewhere, either in the MEECE's diaper or even in the spot where I'm about to unwittingly step. (In which case, Blue Boy had better be ready with those flowers, as well as a box of chocolates and case of vodka.)
But what I really must denounce is Franklin's failure to provide a solution for the offensive NOISE the act is known for creating--as well as the noise itself. 'Tis better to keep silent and let everyone guess who did it, than to make the noise and remove all doubt.
Commissar Pupovich
Well perhaps the reason he did not deal with the noise problem was because there really would not be a problem if the solution to the odor is solved. Research has shown that the noise factor is directly related to the effort to contain the natural gas release. If did not have to worry about the smell, then one could easily release said gas at ease.I don't know what sort of research this was, Commissar, but if there were any truth to this, then that would mean males are putting more effort into suppressing the release than females. My own casual, day-to-day passive <ahem> research (no government grant provided) shows the opposite to be the case. In fact, males are more likely to have contests with this sort of thing, while females will fling themselves off the nearest cliff should they inadvertently make this noise in the presence of others.
And should a MEECE provide the noise at an inopportune moment, the horrified egg donor is often told--usually by sperm donor--that "it's just air," no big deal, why, it's a natural, beautiful thing.
And while this isn't Friday but Saturday night, I can't believe that for the third weekend in a row, I'm posting here like some loser who lives in his mother's garage.
Imagine if someone walked in on me now: "What are you up to this fine Saturday evening, Pinkie? Off to any parties or dances?"
Pinkie: "Nah. I'm just sitting here arguing about flatulence with some dog up in Louisiana."
This is ALL Bush's fault.
Back to the site with men's thongs. One more post over there and I get promoted to "Apprentice Inspector."
Commissarka Pinkie
IImagine if someone walked in on me now: "What are you up to this fine Saturday evening, Pinkie? Off to any parties or dances?"
Pinkie: "Nah. I'm just sitting here arguing about flatulence with some dog up in Louisiana."
This is ALL Bush's fault.
And loving every minute of it! LOL! But what argument Commissarka? This is but an exercise in progressive thinking. Now if I were able, I would love to do this in person some evening in person over some of the Chairman's whine and perhaps some of Premier Betty's special hot pockets.
Commissar Pupovich
I would love to do this in person some eveningCareful, Pinkie! For a dog, all boots are gray in the dark. I know you have been recently issued a pair of almost new vulcanized boots; make sure they're in good condition for the next comrade who'll fill them.
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Ease and Comfort every Man living might feel seven times a Day, by discharging freely the Wind from his Bowels? Especially if it be converted into a Perfume: For the Pleasures of one Sense being little inferior to those of another, instead of pleasing the Sight he might delight the Smell of those about him, & make Numbers happy, which to a benevolent Mind must afford infinite Satisfaction.Half the fun of Passing Gas (silent of course) is in the pleasure of the bemused subjects whiffing the noxious wind, all the while searching for the perpetrator, with disdain.
Since, the rancid meat eating ones are toxic, if they smelled like roses wouldn’t one be inclined to inhale too deeply? Causing, yet to be determined, lung problems? I do believe once Congress has completed their investigation into Sports Figures Steroid usage and Televangelists Tax Evasion this, perhaps, should be next on their list.
I’m sure the trial lawyer’s eyes are already watering over the thought of another class action law suit.
Should silent farting in public be a thought crime? Is it ok if your Grandmother farts? Should she be prosecuted if she does? Will the Pupsters go Vegan? Can he? Isn't sharing gas Progressive?
I think this next video, if watched in its entirety, will show the benifits of a good fart and the cons of holding one in.
Red Square
Careful, Pinkie! For a dog, all boots are gray in the dark. I know you have been recently issued a pair of almost new vulcanized boots; make sure they're in good condition for the next comrade who'll fill them.Sadly, there is little there for her to fear Comrade Red Square. This Commissar has been working alone for the Revolution for so long he is no doubt unable to fill such boots in the way they deserve filling. Not to mention the Pup is aesthetically challenged, he is about to turn 364 dog years old....which of course using the People's Math is ≈ any age.
Comrad Bubalasky
Half the fun of Passing Gas (silent of course) is in the pleasure of the bemused subjects whiffing the noxious wind, all the while searching for the perpetrator, with disdain....Will the Pupsters go Vegan? Can he?
Oh, it never ceases to amaze the Pup how quickly his comrades here can hone into the most base human frailties with such enthusiasm!
As for the last, nay, the Pup will never go vegan, He made that error many years ago in his drug fed hippie days. But he has vowed to cut down on his bean consumption 10% to reduce his carbon pawprint and help save the world, and as mentioned before, has hired more "gray kittens" in his pleasure houses to try and reduce the carbon dioxide exhaled in times of great passion to help save the world. However, if this Mr, Franklin is correct, then perhaps that theory does not hold up under scientific scrutiny.
Comrad Bubalasky
Is it ok if your Grandmother farts?If my grandmother were still alive, she'd die of shame if she knew I was not only taking part in this--how did Pup put it?--exercise in Progressive thinking . . . but started it!
It seems at least once a week I must
Oh hell, I make frequent speeches against the overt practice of this activity, and now look at what I'm doing!
It's like that old Simpsons episode where the whole family but Marge was laughing and making fun of the drippy letter of apology Flanders left under their door ("Bosom!") and she scowled in disapproval before storming out of the kitchen and into the hallway, where she secretly snickered.
Originally, my intent was to find some evidence that Franklin might actually have been more Progressive than Pup thought. Many years ago I read somewhere that he (i.e., Franklin, but who's to say Pup hasn't, either?) took part in orgies where they dressed up as nuns and priests, etc. I was googling for something to confirm that and came across this instead.
What in the name of Lenin have I
Commissarka Pinkie
What in the name of Lenin have IYou have unleashed the dogs of poop I am sad to say! But I will do my best to try make null and void the air of this unfartunate subject.
BTW, in regard to Ben Franklin and orgies, I did run across this Hellfire Club article that makes such claims, but I was unable to confirm it, and "Frankly" it sounds like a bunch of nonsense along the lines of the stories about the Skull and Bones and the Bohemian Club.
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BTW, in regard to Ben Franklin and orgies, I did run across this Hellfire Club article that makes such claims, but I was unable to confirm it, and "Frankly" it sounds like a bunch of nonsenseThis recently discovered Video definitely shows Ben’s appetite!
As a progressive college student (pardon the redundancy), I used to read High Times from time, uh, to time. Sadly, not for credit. Yes, I read it partly for the centerfold (samples here)--look at the buds on that one!--but also for a page or two in the back which had price guides for various consciousness expansion aids in select parts of the country (often including Ann Arbor, MI) at the time the magazine went to press.
It also had a top 10, 20, 30 or so list of readers' favorites when stoned. (I don't think I ever saw a version of the list without at least two Led Zeppelin songs.) It was at that time that I first encountered the wording "farking," which was explained (more or less) as: passing gas during intercourse; it was near the top of the list.
I believe the meaning of "fark" has changed since the Original Clinton Era, but I thought it my duty to share this bit of progressive lore with you, for it indicates that, indeed, some farts are more equal than others.
Our Glorious Incarnadine Equiangular Equilateral Geometric Figure
Americans are the most biased, oppressive, exploitive, insensitive, homophobic, racist, sexist, bloodthirsty, greedy, capitalistic, environmentally-unfriendly people who live in the ugliest country on planet Earth. You just landed in it."Oh, god yes. Nearly 30 years ago I was spotted coming out of a hotel room with one bed with another man, and the maid looked at us funny. I cannot tell you how I have suffered in this. That one lifted eyebrow, that one slightly flared nostril, and all because America is so homophobic.
Of course that was the time that Bruno got us our starter towels and was carrying them out.
Pinkie, do not despair. Farts are a good deal more than intestinal gas. That's just flatus and a medical term. A fart is the innermost expression of your soul for you know that all our feelings start from deep within. I personally never think because it hurts my head and then people ask me things if they think I might know. I just feel, and it all comes from deep inside.
For example, I felt a need for change and hoped that we might have one, and no amount of thinking could make be believe that we'd get it from the Chosen One. So I had to feel. From down deep inside. It rumbled and came forth, yea, verily, with the sound of a thousand trumpets, and I knew then that I was an Obama boy.
So thinking had nothing to do with it.
Comrad Bubalasky
The Standard Model.......bosons (particles that transmit forces)Ah, comrade, you have explained so much to me and in particular I did know know that British spelling had taken over all of physics. I have for years been of the opinion that the most powerful particle in the world is the bozon:
You see, dear Comrade, that this explains a great deal more than any possible mathematical model. Physics is mute, and supine, against the force of the Bozon. And since I find that it is merely spelled as a Brit would, all makes sense to me.
My thanks.
As for Bozon, there is a related but heavier element that exists only in laboratory conditions for a brief time as electrons are dissipated into the ozone layer - the dreaded Mimon. Very dangerous and unstable.
As for the river walk, Commissar, send my regards. I once enjoyed a fine plate of blackened redfish at a cajun restaurant there that had me crying with joy.
I also often ponder the strange paradoxes of life in our progressive age. I am in Davos at a conference to end world hugner, and smoking a rather fine cigar after an excellent banquet...reading postings about flatulence. Funny world, no?
General, have you noticed that the mimon is the only subatomic particle which makes a huge amount of noise? It is one of the contradictions of nature--a mime by definition makes no noise but the mimon screams like a little girl whose had her Barbie snatched. Or like Bruno whose had his Lisa CD snatched.
Commissar Theocritus
Ah, General, you might find that Boudro's is no longer what you think, or rather it is variable. And it is a shame that Las Ramblas in the Contessa has changed its menu so that the only Spanish bit is the word tapas. They had a paella soup appetizer which was--stunning. But Biga on the Banks remains very strong, as does Pesca in the Watermark. In fact last night at Biga I had tempura-fried Texas Gulf shrimp, Japanese noodles, pine nuts, mint and cubed watermelon.General, have you noticed that the mimon is the only subatomic particle which makes a huge amount of noise? It is one of the contradictions of nature--a mime by definition makes no noise but the mimon screams like a little girl whose had her Barbie snatched. Or like Bruno whose had his Lisa CD snatched.
Good Day Commissar,
I checked out the above mentioned restaurants. Pretty impressive, and just my true style of cooking too. To fry the shrimp w/ tempura requires a keen sense of timing and I personally love udon noodles. As the dish goes though, it sounds a little bland. Was there a sauce, or was it just tossed together?
just mentally filing preferences,
Che' Gourmet
PS This backwater gulag is so.... behind the times. Tapas....although I did do that a while ago, and nobody came.....I get irritated at the "meat and potatoes" mentality of these Kulaks in this town!
Comrade Che is right, the shrimp sounds downright pedestrian...perhaps a chipotle-raspberry glace would bring it home? I defer here to the experts. I am a soldier, and tend to limit my activites to the table and after-dinner entertainment. Comrade Gourmet would be able to bring that to a fine turn.
I must address an ideological error that is hidden in your above message, Comrade Che. Remember the power of the prole. It was meat and potatoes (mostly potatoes) that built the collective. And while we have benefitted from the niceties of an enlightened contribution to the Party as leaders, it is important to never, ever imply that we are any better than the sweat-stained, body-odor-drenched laborer slurping down the most vile goop. Such is the heart, the arms and legs, yes even the future of our party. Our glorious Next Tuesday will not be a 7-course gourmet state dinner (excepting present company and all other elites) but an all-you-can eat fish fry with stewed turnips and collard greens.
Please to not take my comments as an offense, comrade. My intent is to enlighten and encourage our struggle. Believe me, as Pupovich would attest, I certainly could make you certain you were offended if that were my intent! I only live to serve the party,
MT
PS - while we are discussing cuisine, here's a tip on General Tso's Chicken. I can personally confirm it is not only a popular Chinese dish, but also a factually accurate statement!
Higher life forms of the universe unite? It's pretty catchy! Marx and Engles must be spinning in their graves for having missed this one!
Publius
General Mousey-Tongue
I believe it was Boudro's, and I never respected a blackened redfish more the following morning...Comrade Che is right, the shrimp sounds downright pedestrian...perhaps a chipotle-raspberry glace would bring it home? I defer here to the experts. I am a soldier, and tend to limit my activites to the table and after-dinner entertainment. Comrade Gourmet would be able to bring that to a fine turn.
I must address an ideological error that is hidden in your above message, Comrade Che. Remember the power of the prole. It was meat and potatoes (mostly potatoes) that built the collective. And while we have benefitted from the niceties of an enlightened contribution to the Party as leaders, it is important to never, ever imply that we are any better than the sweat-stained, body-odor-drenched laborer slurping down the most vile goop. Such is the heart, the arms and legs, yes even the future of our party. Our glorious Next Tuesday will not be a 7-course gourmet state dinner (excepting present company and all other elites) but an all-you-can eat fish fry with stewed turnips and collard greens.
Please to not take my comments as an offense, comrade. My intent is to enlighten and encourage our struggle. Believe me, as Pupovich would attest, I certainly could make you certain you were offended if that were my intent! I only live to serve the party,
MT
PS - while we are discussing cuisine, here's a tip on General Tso's Chicken. I can personally confirm it is not only a popular Chinese dish, but also a factually accurate statement!
Gracias General,
Speaking from personal experience, my illuminated comrade? ..Heh.. heh....
Of course, you are correct, as always. and no offense taken, Sir. If I can procure some turnips and collard greens, I will give the proles a feast to die for. LOL
Wolfgang! Tell those fu%&*king truckers to move their butts away from the receiving dock!!
Those damned teamsters and their demands to unionize the PHK are getting on my last nerve! While I understand (not really) the need for these unions, they are relentless with their card checks every time I get the proles back into line. I have a feeling that I won't be able to hold them at bay much longer without Party intervention. I've never worked in a union shop, and certainly don't want to start now! The Obamessiah will have to make an exception for the PHK and our new Lucretia Borgia's People's Restaurant, Si?
back into the trenches, comrade,
Che' Gourmet
Publius Valerius
Citizens,Higher life forms of the universe unite? It's pretty catchy! Marx and Engles must be spinning in their graves for having missed this one!
Publius
Perhaps advanced extraterrestrials could resurrect Marx and Engles? What glorious that thing that would be for the unwashed masses of the world .... of the universe!!!!!!!!
--
ZB
'Tis the season!
Mmmmm... cotton candy....
I already got what the majority of the voters wanted for Christmas. Now I need a job to pay for it, or maybe an appointment to an open seat in the Senate to gain from it.
Thanks for Nothing,
Thought Criminal #2619890
P.S. Can I please have more coal next time.
For millennia, we root vegetables have fed, entertained, and clothed the masses (don't ask about the last two) and what thanks do we get?
Oh, there's the Beet of the Week, but I can count the number of times that's actually gone to a veggie on my nonexistent fingers.
And now we've got to put up with this smarmy, self-righteous spiel about some forms of life being intrinsically higher than others?
Fie, fie on you for being Sentient Supremacist! Sir, you and your kind are no more unique than a carrot that's grown in the shape of Lyndon Johnson's nose.
From now on, you'll accept you have the inherent worth of a radish and like it, comrade.
Red Jim
The startling claim is made by a pair of American cosmologists investigating the consequences for the cosmos of quantum theory, the most successful theory we have. Over the past few years, cosmologists have taken this powerful theory of what happens at the level of subatomic particles and tried to extend it to understand the universe, since it began in the subatomic realm during the Big Bang.
Comrade,
I must point out that while Quantum theory is a successful theory, it is not the most successful theory we have. The problem with Quantum Mechanics is that is really could not replace classical physics or special relativity. Particles that are accelerated near the speed of light cannot be 100% explained by the use of Quantum theory. The most successful theory is Quantum electrodynamics (QED), which is the unification of all disciplines of science with the exception of gravity.
Unification of gravity into all the other disciplines remains the "Holy Grail".
But one need not feel depresion over this missing theory, we have Obamunism to provide unification of the masses to one global utopia. We also have the Alternate Universe of Progressivism that some theory predicts as well.
Direktor Irina
NASA funding need be increased to reach more of these peace-loving foreign nationals and embrace them into the Party. We have nothing but great gains to obtain from these wonderful people.So true Comrade ...
Pavel Shovelindasky
Pavel Shovelindasky
Red Square
Schrodenger's Cat theory is invalid by the virtue of existence of the Pup who can smell the presence of a cat, dead or alive, within the box or without, from a mile away. The Pup doesn't need to know whether it's a room or a box on a table, and whether the lights are on or off.Likewise, I'm sure the Pup has never had trouble chasing a black cat in a dark room. If I recall correctly he once received a medal for doing that.
Schroedinger's Quantum theory is scientifically verifiable with dog or no dog. If we can prove
Goremania theory of Capitalist Global Warming with no valid science, then Schroedinger's theory is childs play;
Schroedinger, Erwin! Professor of physics!
Wrote daring equations! Confounded his critics!
(Not bad, eh? Don't worry. This part of the verse
Starts off pretty good, but it gets a lot worse.)
Win saw that the theory that Newton'd invented
By Einstein's discov'ries had been badly dented.
What now? wailed his colleagues. Said Erwin, "Don't panic,
No grease monkey I, but a quantum mechanic.
Consider electrons. Now, these teeny articles
Are sometimes like waves, and then sometimes like particles.
If that's not confusing, the nuclear dance
Of electrons and suchlike is governed by chance!
No sweat, though--my theory permits us to judge
Where some of 'em is and the rest of 'em was."
Not everyone bought this. It threatened to wreck
The comforting linkage of cause and effect.
E'en Einstein had doubts, and so Schroedinger tried
To tell him what quantum mechanics implied.
Said Win to Al, "Brother, suppose we've a cat,
And inside a tube we have put that cat at--
Along with a solitaire deck and some Fritos,
A bottle of Night Train, a couple mosquitoes
(Or something else rhyming) and, oh, if you got 'em,
One vial prussic acid, one decaying ottom
Or atom--whatever--but when it emits,
A trigger device blasts the vial into bits
Which snuffs our poor kitty. The odds of this crime
Are 50 to 50 per hour each time.
The cylinder's sealed. The hour's passed away. Is
Our pussy still purring--or pushing up daisies?
Now, you'd say the cat either lives or it don't
But quantum mechanics is stubborn and won't.
Statistically speaking, the cat (goes the joke),
Is half a cat breathing and half a cat croaked.
To some this may seem a ridiculous split,
But quantum mechanics must answer, "Tough Shit
We may not know much, but one thing's fo' sho':
There's things in the cosmos that we cannot know.
Shine light on electrons--you'll cause them to swerve.
The act of observing disturbs the observed--
Which ruins your test. But then if there's no testing
To see if a particle's moving or resting
Why try to conjecture? Pure useless endeavor!
We know probability--certainty, never.'
The effect of this notion? I very much fear
'Twill make doubtful all things that were formerly clear.
Till soon the cat doctors will say in reports,
"We've just flipped a coin and we've learned he's a corpse."'
So saith Herr Erwin. Quoth Albert, "You're nuts.
God doesn't play dice with the universe, putz.
I'll prove it!" he said, and the Lord knows he tried--
In vain--until fin'ly he more or less died.
Win spoke at the funeral: "Listen, dear friends,
Sweet Al was my buddy. I must make amends.
Though he doubted my theory, I'll say of this saint:
Ten-to-one he's in heaven--but five bucks says he ain't.
Pavel Shovelindasky
Sooo, you're saying, Teddy Kennedy has a new form of transportation? Interesting.
O'Brien
Chairman M. S. Punchenko
However; you must remember that anything deemed different or diverse is automatically superior and must be given social-programs. Don't you want these brave new beings to receive social-programs!?!I see your point comrade Chairman. I merely want to ensure that the evil capitalist pig dogs aren't able to use our weapons against us, IE 'We're different from you so you must respect us!'. And we all know that capitalists deserve no respect for they believe in some wakko theory that the betterment of themselves = the betterment of society...sheer madness!! How about 'Universal Enlightened Wanderer'? The 'enlightened' denotes that the person obviously cannot be a capitalist bourgeois pig dog but one who demands equality and wealth redistribution (social-programs).
I just had a thought....this is the second time that Amerikkka has trampled on other worlders rights! Look at the documentary series 'Alien'. Those poor peaceful race of non-earth-origin persons was just trying to build a peaceful society for themselves and the evil baby killing capitalist Amerikkan military went in and wantonly destroyed their civilization and murdered thousands if not millions of innocent non-earth-origin persons. Damn you George Bush!!! Amerikkka must pay reparations to those poor innocent non-earth origin persons and to everyone who witnessed this atrocity whether in person or through secondary means such as film or TV!!
O'Brien
WAR IS PEACE
FREEDOM IS SLAVERY
IGNORANCE IS STRENGTH
""" Damn you George Bush!!! Amerikkka must pay reparations to those poor innocent non-earth origin persons and to everyone who witnessed this atrocity whether in person or through secondary means such as film or TV!!
O'Brien"""
iOccupy
Red Square
A UFO video straight out of the Democrat Party's playbook.
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