Religious Sects Applaud New Military Policy

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Following the recent approval of a "religious accommodation" at the Two Star General level of a Sikh Soldier's request to wear his religious headgear and beard in violation of the military's uniform appearance regulations, other religious accommodations are expected and have already been requested by interested organizations.

The Rastafarian Affinity Group has requested an accommodation with respect to wearing Dread Locks and taking their Holy Communion, Ganja, at daily or weekly religious ceremonies called "reasonings".

The Council on American-Islamic Relations has requested Islamic Soldiers be allowed to fulfill their religious obligation to kill or enslave any infidels they encounter, both military and civilian. At least one individual request of this type has been granted at Fort Hood recently, although the official approval as a religious event has yet to be made public.

Image Buddhist US Soldiers On Patrol in Iraq

Adherents to the obscure "Church of Kenny" based in Spokane, Washington, believe that God commands them to play at least 3 hours of video games and consume no fewer than 4 beers every day. They will be given time during the course of their duties to meet these religious obligations. A Military spokesperson also mentioned that this particular religion seems to be spreading quickly throughout the US Army since this announcement.

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This merely confirms the need for all religion to be banished from our World of Next Tuesday that we have worked so hard to least all but the only one true faith.... The Church of Dog of course. Is it really necessary for me to point this out? After all, we are the original dogma.

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Comrades, we all have our own little superstitions. Bruno is a member of the Church of the Divine Carmen Miranda, and if he is drafted in these parlous times, he will be glad to serve--as long as he's allowed to look like a walking fruit stand.

For we cannot gainsay another's religion. Since we cannot, and since it was the religion of Peace that made the hijackers drive jet planes into the Pentagon and the Twin Towers, it means that since the god they worshiped cannot be wrong, the people in the Twin Towers and the Pentagon were responsible for their own problems, even if they only came to work on that day.

In fact I am going to insist that, when I am honored to be inducted into the People's Army, that I be allowed to wear noodles in my head, because I am a Pastafarian. If we can have Hasan offing people in Texas, why not have the <a href=" ... er">Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster?</a>. Orzo Akbar!

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It is getting harder and harder to write satire that isn't true. Geez.

Air Force Academy Accommodates Wiccans ... M_BRF.html

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National Public Radio has a practicing witch, and no, it's not Nina Totenberg.