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I Want To Be Banned From England Like Michael Savage

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We don't always agree with Michael Savage, but yesterday we learned that the San Francisco-based radio talk-show host was barred from entering Great Britain because of his opinions. Tonight our reader Jill emailed us with this I-am-Spartacus-type answer to the British Home Office, which is responsible for the ban:

Dear People's Cube,
I've sent the following to the Home Office. You are welcomed to email them as well, and turn yourselves in for thought crimes. It's the right thing to do if you are guilty, which I'm certain you are.

Sent: Thursday, May 07, 2009 1:25 PM
To: [email protected]
Subject: I want to be banned from England, too

An Open Letter to the Home Office from Jill Putnam

So, Michael Savage is a thoughtcriminal. I humbly beseech with shovel in hand for Commissar Smith to place me on the banned list with Michael Savage.

Here are my thought crimes:

  • I voted for Sarah Palin in the last presidential election.
  • I mortally fear Obama and The Party.
  • I don't own a gun, but I feel safer when other people do.
  • I'm a tea partier who created this sign: "Don't Tread On Me: Taxed Enough Already."
  • I believe government officials should answer to the people - not the other way around.
  • I've read the US Constitution.
  • I've read the US Constitution more than once.
  • I own a copy of the Federalist Papers, Wealth of Nations, and multiple versions of the Holy Bible.
  • Some of my conservative views border on Libertarian.
  • I listen to Rush Limbaugh and Sean Hannity on the radio every chance I can.
  • I watch Glenn Beck on Fox News whenever possible.
  • I believe abortion is murder, and therefore do not want to pay for abortion through taxes.
  • I believe Adam and Eve were man and woman, respectively.
  • My worst offense is I'm a Christian who believes Jesus is the only way to heaven.
  • My son fought in Afghanistan and I'm proud of it.
  • I don't believe waterboarding is torture, especially because the military does it to enlisted men as part of training.


Thank you for consideration of my request. I'll never understand why we broke away from Great Britain and am so grateful to Jackboot Jacqui Smith who, along with Dear Leader Obama, will correct the mistake. I look forward to a long and deserved rail trip through the countryside.

Unredeemed American thoughtcriminal,
Jill Putnam
Cleveland, GA, USA




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It turns out the government official responsible for the blacklist, Jacqui Smith, was being PC and added some Westerners to avoid appearing prejudiced against Muslims. Perhaps she'll blacklist us too, along with murderous Islamofascists, Hamas, skinhead white supremacists, and a radio talk-show host and author, Michael Savage.
<< Commissarka Jacqui Smith

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Jaysus titty feckin' Christmas....wadda buncha Sassenach loons.


If they could have read my thoughts when i was there last....they probably would have had me shot. Damn anglish.

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Damn, so much for my plans to go to England to get the best dental care their tax money can buy.

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"We shall abolish the orgasm. Our neurologists are at work upon it now. There will be no loyalty, except loyalty towards the Party. There will be no love, except the love of Big Brother. There will be no laughter, except the laugh of triumph over a defeated enemy. There will be no art, no literature, no science. When we are omnipotent there will be no need of science. There will be no distinction between beauty and ugliness. There will be no curiosity, no enjoyment of the process of life. All competing pleasures will be destroyed. But always—do not forget this Winston—always there will be the intoxication of power, constantly increasing and constantly growing subtler. Always, at every moment, there will be the thrill of victory, the sensation of trampling on an enemy who is helpless. If you want a picture of the future, imagine a boot stamping on a human face—forever."

It's off to Room 101 in the Ministry of Love for this savage Savage!

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{off} I'm sure George Orwell is spinning in his grave along with Churchill

I wonder where Comrade Red Square shakes out on the Guilt Meter? This should determine the level of guilt and punishment! Long Live the Oppressive Government! Cheers.

Comrades!

It is good to see our brothers and sisters in the United People's Kingdom making such excellent progress! Now that they have successfully kept out foreigners who don't conform to The Ideal, they can begin focusing on citizens who are not following this week's version of The Ideal. Next will be UPK radio personalities who dare utter a derogatory word against the Collective. Then Business owners are next. Before we know it mere citizens will be summarily executed for the least offense.

All glory to the collective!

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Finally! More Progressive genius from the UPK. Our comrades over at BraveNewFilms are very busy spreading The Current Truth as well:


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Oh my Lenin, I too am a thought criminal! I've read the Constitution, and Adam Smith, and The Federalist Papers. There are Bibles in my home . . . and . . . and . . . and I can't go on. The guilt is overwhelming. I will report to the train station immediately. I am so guilty, I won't even allow myself the luxury of a shovel. I will bring a spoon. And if I ever do manage to go to England, I will crawl on my bruised and callused hands and knees to Jaqui Smith and to the Finsbury Mosque to beg for forgiveness.

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After reading Comrade Jill's open letter (which, along with her mouth, she might have been well advised to keep shut), it is clear that according to current DHS criteria, she is also a rightwing terrorist who would think nothing of trying to recruit me, since I'm a military vet and according to everyone who knows me, I'm almost always disgruntled about one damn thing or another.

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Well I might as well join in. I did all that too. Darn if only I had known before I knew I could have prevented this by preventing it.
Well nothing to do about it now but send me letter as Jill did and own up to it.
Where did I put my Shovel?
If only my Family had known when they entered the US in Savannah with Oglethorpe. I blame them. (Some reactionary blaming is always good for the Collective Soul).
If only the Erie Indian half had known crossing the Border from Canada would lead to this. (It's their fault too.) I am going to surrender up my entire family. Including my reactionary Canadian Wife. {She has Indian and French in her and a Welsh name Shhh}

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I thought conservative talk radio WAS hate speech and the hosts of these shows the purveyors thereof?

A glorious example of what will be coming our way in the next couple of years! Let's raise a pint and toast the U.K. for illuminating the way for us!

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Laika the Space Dog wrote:"We shall abolish the orgasm. Our neurologists are at work upon it now. There will be no loyalty, except loyalty towards the Party. There will be no love, except the love of Big Brother.


All orgasms shall be replaced by Party approved Obamagasms<sup>TM</sup>

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Would those be Steam Orgasm's or Electric?

Commissarka Pinkie wrote:After reading Comrade Jill's open letter (which, along with her mouth, she might have been well advised to keep shut), it is clear that according to current DHS criteria, she is also a rightwing terrorist who would think nothing of trying to recruit me, since I'm a military vet and according to everyone who knows me, I'm almost always disgruntled about one damn thing or another.


You are so right, Commissarka Pinkie. You shouldn't be talking to me until after I return from re-education camp, if I return, and even then, you should always suspect me of corrupting happy workers, pointing out inconsistencies and fallacies.

It's no use! There may be little hope I'll ever change until I confess IT. The thing I've been holding back...

I was a John Birch Society Youth member. <tears>

We said the pledge of allegiance to the US Flag! We read America's founding documents and spread the word about America's slow drift toward tyranny.

I grew up with five brothers and sisters in a Christian Conservative home with parents who didn't blow pot smoke in our faces.

It gets worse: When we weren't singing camp songs at home, we volunteered as a family for Republican campaigns...I licked stamps for Richard Nixon!!!

There, it's finally out, and I've snitched on my parents.

I realize my next step is to turn myself, my family, pastor and neighbors in to the DHS. Perhaps then I will finally shake this non-complacency and thoughts of individual rights and freedoms.

PS (I love all you comrades here at the Cube. You've gotten me through the last six months. You are priceless. Thanks!)

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Comrade Jill wrote:
Commissarka Pinkie wrote:After reading Comrade Jill's open letter (which, along with her mouth, she might have been well advised to keep shut), it is clear that according to current DHS criteria, she is also a rightwing terrorist who would think nothing of trying to recruit me, since I'm a military vet and according to everyone who knows me, I'm almost always disgruntled about one damn thing or another.


You are so right, Commissarka Pinkie. You shouldn't be talking to me until after I return from re-education camp, if I return, and even then, you should always suspect me of corrupting happy workers, pointing out inconsistencies and fallacies.

It's no use! There may be little hope I'll ever change until I confess IT. The thing I've been holding back...

I was a John Birch Society Youth member. <tears>

We said the pledge of allegiance to the US Flag! We read America's founding documents and spread the word about America's slow drift toward tyranny.

I grew up with five brothers and sisters in a Christian Conservative home with parents who didn't blow pot smoke in our faces.

It gets worse: When we weren't singing camp songs at home, we volunteered as a family for Republican campaigns...I licked stamps for Richard Nixon!!!

There, it's finally out, and I've snitched on my parents.

I realize my next step is to turn myself, my family, pastor and neighbors in to the DHS. Perhaps then I will finally shake this non-complacency and thoughts of individual rights and freedoms.


You have potential. Have you ever been water boarded?
Can you say Gulag and Gitmo in the same sentence?
Do you have a Red Shirt in your closet that you only wear at night when no is looking?
Can you say Che and make it sound chic?
Have you offered confessional to the Marshall (PUP)?
Have you ever harbored a secret desire to visit Mexico and 'sneak' back across the border with your 'Comrades"?
Consider these questions carefully then answer them in your own mind. If the answers are incorrect turn yourself into the Thought Police immediately at any MSNBC or CNN substation.
Whatever you do do not watch the English Movie V for Vendetta.

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I'm so ashamed...

I was a member of the Imperialist military for many years...
I voted Republican...
I supported the capitalist machine by buying Amerikan made products...

I shall weigh myself down with chains and walk barefoot thru broken glass to the nearest train station, carrying my shovel with the broken handle.

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The Homeless do that for fun. Find something more appropriate.
Consider watching Che part II Thirty times in the original Spanish language version.
Wear a shirt saying I Support Big Brother and I missed 1984.
Run through the center of London shouting Guy Fawkes he's my Man. If Guy can't do it no one can!!!
Let's get creative out there folks. We need new punishments. The old ones are being outlawed by the Soviet Federal Assembly.

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Comrade Jill wrote:PS (I love all you comrades here at the Cube. You've gotten me through the last six months. You are priceless. Thanks!)


You'd better be careful where you put your love, Comrade Jill. The only politically correct and party approved love is that love that radiates from all of us toward The Obama. Any other love could get you banned from Obama's AmeriCCCPa.

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This Love may be purchased at the same cost as two shovels.

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I submit myself for thought crimes:
a. I like a bathroom with a hot shower
b. I like food that is actually cooked
c. I don't like blood pudding
d. I like cold beer
e. I have no idea what a trotter is
f. I like paying less than 8.00 per gallon for gasoline
g. I enjoy being able to eat Indian food without having to listen to the Muzzein
h. I don't enjoy being watched by cameras everywhere I go
i. I think cops should carry guns
j. And I enjoy whistling in the elevator instead of the lift
I suppose this would cancel my annual trip to Avebury Tor to welcome the solsticial sunrise with the blood of a new virgin, yes?

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Speaking of love, here is an old Soviet joke from my school days, as I remember it:

In the spirit of new times, Soviet public schools introduced a class on sexual education. The first lesson begins as follows:

"As you know, children, there are different kinds of love. Love between the mother and her child is something you are experiencing every day and there is no need for us to focus on that. Love between a man and a woman has been well researched in literature and films, so there is no need for us to spend any more time on it. Love between a man and a man is criminal offense and so we won't be covering it here at all. But there is also a deep, overpowering love between the Soviet people and their Motherland, the Party, and the Soviet government - and this is exactly the kind of love we will be learning about in this semester."

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I warned you - since the last election Soviet jokes are becoming increasingly more translatable...

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Ha ha ha. Not Michael Savage, but something like him. Wonder if he'll be banned from Britain... Oh wait! HE'S ALREADY OVER THERE! too late, Jacqui, you missed this guy.

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Red Square wrote:Speaking of love, here is an old Soviet joke from my school days, as I remember it:

In the spirit of new times, Soviet public schools introduced a class on sexual education. The first lesson begins as follows:

"As you know, children, there are different kinds of love. Love between the mother and her child is something you are experiencing every day and there is no need for us to focus on that. Love between a man and a woman has been well researched in literature and films, so there is no need for us to spend any more time on it. Love between a man and a man is criminal offense and so we won't be covering it here at all. But there is also a deep, overpowering love between the Soviet people and their Motherland, the Party, and the Soviet government - and this is exactly the kind of love we will be learning about in this semester."

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I warned you - since the last election Soviet jokes are becoming increasingly more translatable...


Would this type of love be like Bob and Carol and Ted and Alice? (people, motherland, party, government) or if the people and the party are one, wouldn't it be more like dancing with the archbishop? Sorry, wrestling the purple helmeted love god? I mean, shaking the weasel? you know, flogging saint Richard?

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AbecedariusRex wrote:I submit myself for thought crimes:
a. I like a bathroom with a hot shower
b. I like food that is actually cooked
c. I don't like blood pudding
d. I like cold beer
e. I have no idea what a trotter is
f. I like paying less than 8.00 per gallon for gasoline
g. I enjoy being able to eat Indian food without having to listen to the Muzzein
h. I don't enjoy being watched by cameras everywhere I go
i. I think cops should carry guns
j. And I enjoy whistling in the elevator instead of the lift
I suppose this would cancel my annual trip to Avebury Tor to welcome the solsticial sunrise with the blood of a new virgin, yes?


Hmm Roundabout there might be a way to attend and still not be there.
Consider an out of body experience.
Re c. I suppose Haggis is out also?
Re d. Beer come any other way?
Re f. Isn't that £8 per Litre?
Re g. Indian? We play Drums while white man smoke (on spit) Oh. Those Indians.
Re i. We do so far, including Tasers and Taser Guns, Mace, Pepper Spray, PR 24's, Hand irons, and something with bullets in it. Gonna remember what it is one of these days.

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AbecedariusRex wrote:
Red Square wrote:Speaking of love, here is an old Soviet joke from my school days, as I remember it:

In the spirit of new times, Soviet public schools introduced a class on sexual education. The first lesson begins as follows:

"As you know, children, there are different kinds of love. Love between the mother and her child is something you are experiencing every day and there is no need for us to focus on that. Love between a man and a woman has been well researched in literature and films, so there is no need for us to spend any more time on it. Love between a man and a man is criminal offense and so we won't be covering it here at all. But there is also a deep, overpowering love between the Soviet people and their Motherland, the Party, and the Soviet government - and this is exactly the kind of love we will be learning about in this semester."

----------------
I warned you - since the last election Soviet jokes are becoming increasingly more translatable...


Would this type of love be like Bob and Carol and Ted and Alice? (people, motherland, party, government) or if the people and the party are one, wouldn't it be more like dancing with the archbishop? Sorry, wrestling the purple helmeted love god? I mean, shaking the weasel? you know, flogging saint Richard?


You through 'beating' around the bush? Image

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Guardian of Pravda wrote:You through 'beating' around the bush?


I never beat around the bush. I always go deep into the bush, shoot twice, and eat what I shoot. Though I have been known, on lonely evenings, to polish my gun to a glistening sheen!!!

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Comrade Square, there is reason dispensing this excellent humor is now life of party! Using superior party logic trumps even the best capitalistic attempts to be funny. For example, take a bourgeois slave to capitalism, give him a rubber chicken, then put him up against partty member with cleverly decorated shovel. No contest! The shovel always wins!

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In other news, they just released the NYflyby photos from Airforceonegate. And the price tag. What a trip. There's good use of the public funds by the party.

Here's my blog on it all:

Sing to the tune of $328,835

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Khruelchev wrote:Comrade Square, there is reason dispensing this excellent humor is now life of party! Using superior party logic trumps even the best capitalistic attempts to be funny. For example, take a bourgeois slave to capitalism, give him a rubber chicken, then put him up against partty member with cleverly decorated shovel. No contest! The shovel always wins!


As Comrade Mae West said, "You can lead a whore to culture, but you can't make her think."

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As Comrade Mae West said, "You can lead a whore to culture, but you can't make her think."


Comrade, this whore needs to be acquainted with Comrade Obama. Glorious leader will have her in shovel and work pajamas before she can say "Sugar Beets"

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AbecedariusRex wrote:
Guardian of Pravda wrote:You through 'beating' around the bush?


I never beat around the bush. I always go deep into the bush, shoot twice, and eat what I shoot. Though I have been known, on lonely evenings, to polish my gun to a glistening sheen!!!


Ohhhhh the innuendo.

Old Chinese saying. 'Man who go to bed with sex problem wake up with solution in hand'.
I know this to an old Chinese saying as I knew the old Chinese guy that said it. Won Han down.
He was practitioner of reactionary Bourgeois sayings left over from Pre-Freedom giving Communist government currently welding power in land once known as Sina, now called China, today.
Possibly he was also banned from England as he never went there.

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Khruelchev wrote:Comrade Square, there is reason dispensing this excellent humor is now life of party! Using superior party logic trumps even the best capitalistic attempts to be funny. For example, take a bourgeois slave to capitalism, give him a rubber chicken, then put him up against partty member with cleverly decorated shovel. No contest! The shovel always wins!

The Proles must laugh....or they will be shot.

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Khruelchev wrote:

As Comrade Mae West said, "You can lead a whore to culture, but you can't make her think."


Comrade, this whore needs to be acquainted with Comrade Obama. Glorious leader will have her in shovel and work pajamas before she can say "Sugar Beets"


sugar beet what? Oh wait Beets!. Got it. Never mind.
Mae West was banned from England too. She also never went there. (Possibly a Morals problem as she had none)

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Zampolit Blokhayev wrote:A glorious example of what will be coming our way in the next couple of years! Let's raise a pint and toast the U.K. for illuminating the way for us!

Yes, Comrade Zampolit, let's! Because in their dhimmitude they will not be allowed to do the same.

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Through a link in the stats, I stumbled on a British blog called "Orwell's Picnic," whose author quotes this story and answers Jill's challenge by suggesting the "I Want to be Banned from Britain Too" game.

He asks his readers to

1) List their Thoughtcrimes.

2) Email them to Jack-boot Jacquie Smith, Gordo's Home Secretary, with the following note:

Dear eminent mouthpiece of our Dear Leader,

With regard to your most recent efforts to rid our nation of wrongthinkfulness, I wish to submit the enclosed list of thoughtcrimes, to which I freely and willingly admit.

I have come to see the innapropriateness of my ways. I hereby certify that I wish to be helped to realise a more tolerant and diversity-minded lifestyle.

I therefore request immediate retrieval by duly authorised agents of the state and transport to the nearest facility for re-education.

Thank you for your consideration.

[signed]
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It's picking up!

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Guardian of Pravda wrote:
AbecedariusRex wrote:
Guardian of Pravda wrote:You through 'beating' around the bush?


I never beat around the bush. I always go deep into the bush, shoot twice, and eat what I shoot. Though I have been known, on lonely evenings, to polish my gun to a glistening sheen!!!


Ohhhhh the innuendo.

Old Chinese saying. 'Man who go to bed with sex problem wake up with solution in hand'.
I know this to an old Chinese saying as I knew the old Chinese guy that said it. Won Han down.


He must have known that great author, Long Bang Dong, who wrote "Spots on the Wall". I love that book.

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Guardian of Pravda wrote:
Khruelchev wrote:

As Comrade Mae West said, "You can lead a whore to culture, but you can't make her think."


Comrade, this whore needs to be acquainted with Comrade Obama. Glorious leader will have her in shovel and work pajamas before she can say "Sugar Beets"


sugar beet what? Oh wait Beets!. Got it. Never mind.
Mae West was banned from England too. She also never went there. (Possibly a Morals problem as she had none)


One of my favorite quotations from Comrade West was "One more drink and I'll be under the host." That would probably get anyone banned.

Of course their was Mr. Churchill who, when someone said about his expansive girth, "Sir, if that stomach were on a lady she'd be in a family way" he responded "Ma'am it was and she is."


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Comrades,

While I am for banning anyone from entering a country if they don't tow the party line and actually hold thought crimes, that run counter to progressive thinking, I do have to say this is just a tad bit unfair to Mr. Savage.
As a good progressive I of course am consumed with everything being fair in life. Mr. Savage had already made reservations and purchased an airline ticket, with a fine British airline. No doubt to fly over the pond and enjoy some of that fine cuisine that Britian is famous for. At least the British Labor Government should refund the cash to him.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6VLYpKGVBUg

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Red Square wrote:Get a room, you three.

A Boudoir?

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Guardian of Pravda wrote:
Red Square wrote:Get a room, you three.

A Boudoir?


"Donner, party of three"

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High in the Snow Capped Mountains? Coors Light upon request.
Say what was the original thread here...... I forgot.
Ah yes Savages banned from England.
Hey I thought all we Colonist were banned from England.
No doubt to fly over the pond and enjoy some of that fine cuisine that Britian is famous for


English Muffins? All that way for a Muffin. Micheal needs his head examined. You can buy them in Winn Dixie or Wally World.
Remember 'The One' says Buy American, even if it's made somewhere else.

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Well, The Party of 1984 didn't allow many thoughtcriminals in, and kept the working, oppressed proles from going out. So it's a safe say England is following good Party policies.

Guardian of Pravda,

I long to be water boarded Japanese style. ;)

I submit myself to the governing authorities for thought reconstruction. I may soon become known as a Christian Socialist. As such, I shall enjoy the secular jocularity at the Cube and the Party approved jokes. The capitalist with the rubber chicken is hilarious Party joke, and of course, we never laugh at O jokes because we never tell them that we should be tempted to laugh at Dear Leader.

Anybody who does should be banned from England!

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Comrade Jill wrote:Guardian of Pravda,

I long to be water boarded Japanese style. ;)

I submit myself to the governing authorities for thought reconstruction. I may soon become known as a Christian Socialist. As such, I shall enjoy the secular jocularity at the Cube and the Party approved jokes. The capitalist with the rubber chicken is hilarious Party joke, and of course, we never laugh at O jokes because we never tell them that we should be tempted to laugh at Dear Leader.

Anybody who does should be banned from England!

You wish to commit Mizu Kiri? Did you want the Ohkii Mizu Kiri (large) or Chiisai (Small)?
Very Honorable. I will consult the Water Board Samuri for scheduling. (The Ninjas sneaked off)

A Social Christian is a good thing, oh wait Socialist Christian. (Scientology?)
What sex jocularity? Ahh. Secular. Hmm. I do not think anyone approved Party Jokes as I do not think the Party approves of Jokes (Although they elected one)
I believe you are on the right track and will soon become a good Party member. You do have a shovel right? (I suggest a spare for rainy days)

It's good to see progressive thoughts come to the front and know that theBrain WashingIndoctrination practiced by the Thought Police at CNN and MSNBC Central are working.

P.S. I thought everyone was banned from England on General Principle.


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Guardian of Pravda wrote:Would those be Steam Orgasm's or Electric?


Only solar or wind powered Obamagasms<sup>TM</sup> are permitted by the Party. The Goracle has deemed proles using non-green stimuli as enemies of the people, subject to severe punishment, such as enduring a Keith Olbermann delivered waterboarding colonic.

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It is to shudder to consider such punishment.
This wind Power would be breaking?
Many have been Soylent on this subject simply for that reason, a fear of the breaking and the punishment.
Let us all bow our heads and shoulder our shovels.

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I have many problems with shovels comrades. They do not exactly have a small carbon footprint. In fact carbon is specifically used in MAKING steel. Plus the fossil fuels consumed in mining, transporting, and smelting the ore. Then the conversion to steel. And WOODEN HANDLES? THAT IS A DEAD TREE COMRADES. Lastly all the CARBON dioxide exhaled while digging.

I DENOUNCE SHOVELS! SHOW TRIAL FOR SHOVELS!

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Gee, Colonel 7.62, why don't you just tape a sign to your back that says, "PINKIE, I'M BEGGING YOU, I'M PLEADING WITH YOU, IN FACT, I'M ON MY KNEES NOT ONLY IN ENTREATY, BUT TO MAKE IT EASIER FOR YOU--PLEASE, PLEASE, COMMISSARKA--WHACK ME WITH YOUR SHOVEL!"

Shovels are the most important tool we have, Comrades. Did Obama speak of hammer ready jobs? Saw ready jobs? Allen wrench ready jobs? No, he called them SHOVEL ready jobs!

Therefore, shovels are great. Shovels are glorious. Shovels are objects to be cherished.

Now, you do make a point about the carbon and the ore and the dead trees, etc. That is why we need to lay the foundation for taking steps to find ways we can empower ourselves to approach this issue and discuss the various ways we can communicate with our elected representatives and persuade them of the need to pass resolutions calling for the necessity of introducing legislation to take action to find new, green, energy-saving ways of making shovels without doing any further harm to Our Deteriorating Atmosphere.

And we have to do it NOW . . . before it's too late to do anything.

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Uh, you do have a point, Commissarka, about there not being any allen-wrench-ready jobs.

But every ThoughtCriminal is a MotoTool ready job in Jiffi-Lobo.

--------

Mae West: When you're young, keep a diary. When you're old, it'll keep you."

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Thank you, Pinkie! I think this is what Yelling Yelena was saying when she became immortalized in the famous photo. I'm trying to find a way to bring it up to give Yelena a greater exposure (in a Party-compliant sense)

Image

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Red, I'm feeling a Matthews-like tingle up my leg, and it's rising, and rising, and rising.

I think that Yelling Ylena is going to be <i>the</i> woman for me. The woman who can change my luck. I'll cross the street for her and her shovel.

....but don't tell Bruno. Talk about <i>loud</i>...

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It is a nice shovel. Look like it has 'been around the block' [kind of like the owner]
The pits give it a certain ruggedness and the obvious signs of wear and tear tell of experience. That is the shovel on the left is it not?
Hmm. When you cross the street Commissar watch for speeding Zils with Mafia types in them. They are throwback reactionaries of the old days of the party.
When men were men and so were the women like Yelling there. (She is loud isn't she?)
Ahhhhhhhh Comrade Pinkie as to carbon footprint less shovels they call those 'sticks'.

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Theocritus, I am wounded. You'd cross the street for Yelling Yelena but not for me?

And as for Red Square taking my words and giving them to her--what am I now, her speechwriter? Is that what I've been reduced to while SHE gets "greater exposure"? Next thing I know, you'll be setting HER up for a date with Brad Pitt!

Now I know how it feels to be Obama's teleprompter.

I am totally unappreciated around here. What would all of you do if I left? I've a good mind to, and I know just where to go: England! Certainly someone of my Progressive thinking will be welcomed there. I'm no Thoughtcriminal or terrorist like Comrade Jill. And they need a replacement for Princess Diana. Who better than me?

And what greater opportunity than this for me to rekindle my teenage crush on Prince Andrew? Maybe this time I can land him.

That's it. I'm leaving before Betinov shows up and decides HE wants to hit on Yelena! I don't think my stomach could bear it.

Just try and stop me. Try and talk me out of it. Beg me to stay. I'm waiting.

Don't any of you have anything to say?

Anything?

Anything at all?

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When you leave would you drop off the garbage?

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Just try and stop me. Try and talk me out of it. Beg me to stay. I'm waiting.


Pinkie, you would leave Amerika just when it is becoming socialt paradise under most glorious leader? Say it aint so! I will make plan for glorious night with you. A little vodka, a little stirring selection of Red Army chorus songs. Let me say our shovels will not be only things making sparks!
We can get matching work pajamas!
Don't you want to be here when glorious leader sets up the koolaid camps?
I have my popcorn and my shovel ready!

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Pinkie, I for one would be devastated if you left, unless you first authorized someone to award me Beet of The Week on a regular schedule.

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Such Love, Such Loyalty, Such Comradeship and Stand by me ness. Chokes me up. Actually is was a bite of an apple but I would gladly apply the emotion to this moment.
(No cost)

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Commissarka Pinkie wrote:Gee, Colonel 7.62, why don't you just tape a sign to your back that says, "PINKIE, I'M BEGGING YOU, I'M PLEADING WITH YOU, IN FACT, I'M ON MY KNEES NOT ONLY IN ENTREATY, BUT TO MAKE IT EASIER FOR YOU--PLEASE, PLEASE, COMMISSARKA--WHACK ME WITH YOUR SHOVEL!"

Shovels are the most important tool we have, Comrades. Did Obama speak of hammer ready jobs? Saw ready jobs? Allen wrench ready jobs? No, he called them SHOVEL ready jobs!

Therefore, shovels are great. Shovels are glorious. Shovels are objects to be cherished.

Now, you do make a point about the carbon and the ore and the dead trees, etc. That is why we need to lay the foundation for taking steps to find ways we can empower ourselves to approach this issue and discuss the various ways we can communicate with our elected representatives and persuade them of the need to pass resolutions calling for the necessity of introducing legislation to take action to find new, green, energy-saving ways of making shovels without doing any further harm to Our Deteriorating Atmosphere.

And we have to do it NOW . . . before it's too late to do anything.


Come now Comrade Comissarka. After you pitch your fit, you admit I am right. And then call for finding a solution. Is not a show trial one way of finding a solution?

Shovels are to be loved, but they are destroying our environment. Just like the rifles of Comrade Kalashnikov that I hold so dear.

Obama speaks of shovels, but he has not found a way to offset their carbon. Meanwhile I have found an offset for the Red Guard's(TM) rifle's. It is a cap and trade. We cap a thought criminal and trade his carbon emissions for our offset. It is most glorious and progressive. What have you done for your shovels, other than writing speeches for Comrade Yelena?

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Let's not bicker about ooo kills ooo. we're all in this together. And of course we can all admit that though Comradess Yelling Yelena may have a big mouth, commissarka Pinkie has a huge tract of shovel. Let's not forget our common enemy, brothers. THE POPULIST PEOPLE'S FRONT?

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NO, the people's front of Judea.

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Indeed Commissarka Pinkie has a very huge umm shovel. Yes huge shovel. Very, very huge. Quite noticeable, especially in a bathing suit. Umm the aahhh shovel is much more visible then. Particularly when viewed from behind.


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Pinkie wrote:Theocritus, I am wounded. You'd cross the street for Yelling Yelena but not for me?

Commissarka, I have for years thought you so far out of my league. Do you not remember the hang-dog eyes that I cast at you while you were at the Rancho de Rio Grande? No, not the proles' eyes that I had harvested, but my own eyes.

I am a good Progressive. Which means I am a hair-shirt Progressive, which I'm always willing to give you off my own back.

{ off }
"Now I know how it feels to be Obama's teleprompter."

Very fine.

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Indeed Commissarka Pinkie has a very huge umm shovel. Yes huge shovel. Very, very huge. Quite noticeable, especially in a bathing suit. Umm the aahhh shovel is much more visible then. Particularly when viewed from behind.


Ah my dear Colonel 7.62, Your memory is clouded from having to bear exposure to the bourgeous beyong party recomended levels. You do not remember pinky's shovel reduction surgery. She went from a "Oh-My-God" to "Ricky dont lose that number" quickly. Many excellent Doctors using finest peoples techniques, and several farm implements, got her into true "Peoples Party Girl" shape!
You must see her wielding a shovel. Admit it Theocritus. her technique with her tool would make any party member want to lather her in caviar!

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Usually when I see Pinkie wielding a shovel it is when she is thwacking me upside the head with it. Fortunately I acquired a kevlar helmet to wear.

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Colonel, if Pinkie is whacking you on the head with her shovel, that means that you're late for your tune-up at Jiffi-Lobo.

Report at once. I would <i>hate</i> for a progressive to start thinking instead of merely taking sides.

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Commissar, actually Pinkie whacks me usually when I comment about her. It looks like she's taking sides. I've got a personal Jifi-Lobo attendant in the command tent now anyhow. It's part of my morning ritual. Denounce thought criminals, execute thought criminals, get Jiffi-Lobo and have my morning cup of tea. Then go back to rounding up enemies of the state... Oh and dodge Pinkie after I comment too loudly about the size of her ummmm shovel.

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Maksim: Sorry, comrade, but if I go, Beet of the Week goes with me. Now YOU can find out how it feels to bust your butt for The Party, only to have no one appreciate you! And even if I don't go to England now, I swear I will--just like the Hollywood celebrities--if a Republican gets elected.

Khruelchev: I don't wear pajamas. I only wear 100% cotton Ojamas.
<br>Image

And as for all the crude remarks about the size of my shovel: Whether it's big or small, its size does not make me any more or less a Progressive than a comrade with a smaller or bigger shovel, as the case may be. My shovel is what The Party issued to me! Yet I suspect size is why Yelling Yelena has found such favor--she clearly has the bigger shovel which, among other things, naturally makes for a deeper cleavage. And that's all you male comrades care about, isn't it?

Well, let me warn you here and now: You might really dig that big shovel now, especially the way she thrusts it up and out as illustrated, but she's a lot older than me, and before long she won't be able to hold it up without proper support--and for something of that size, she'll need a crane. Otherwise, she'll droop and sag and end up dragging it along the ground, and can you honestly say you want to see that?

Wouldn't you prefer a shovel that fits nicely into your hands? Something you can get a firm grip on, instead of something so big and unwieldy you can barely hold it, so every time you dig you're spilling huge clods of dirt all over the place. What's the point in that? "The bigger the shoveful, the bigger the waste," is what my ex-boyfriend used to say.

And speaking of huge clods, what a bunch of pathetic suck-ups all of you are. Lather me in caviar, indeed! You all wish!

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You only have one shovel?Image

Then you cannot

Image

Caviar? Who can afford Caviar? I was thinking like Spinach or something along those lines.

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Khruelchev wrote: She went from a "Oh-My-God" to "Ricky dont lose that number" quickly. Many excellent Doctors using finest peoples techniques, and several farm implements, got her into true "Peoples Party Girl" shape!
You must see her wielding a shovel. Admit it Theocritus. her technique with her tool would make any party member want to lather her in caviar!


It sounds like you are talking about that tool of the bourgeoisie, the current Miss Kalifornicator? There's plenty of silicone there to keep Jiffi-Lobo's 12hp drill lubed up for several 5 Year Plans.

Oh Hell!!! That explains why cousin Marcel is bringing his chainsaw to Jiffi-Lobo again!!!

--
ZB

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Guardian of Pravda wrote:Caviar? Who can afford Caviar? I was thinking like Spinach or something along those lines.

Here is a Party-approved example of a conscientious comrade lathered in beet greens.

Image

But in all honesty I can't understand how the high amounts of clearly visible flesh are supposed to provoke vegetarian thoughts.

Unless, of course, in addition to a color-blind society we start working on the creation of a gender-blind society, in which all comrades will keep each other warm regardless of gender and/or sexual orientation, and readily eat beet greens and other FDA-approved products off each other's skin simply because we are hungry.

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Wonder what kind of 'dressing' went on that salad mix.

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Ahh a most equal bikini clad comrade. I feel a noble socialist stirring within my loins (Inner Comrades #4-17 all feel the urge to share some genetic wealth material). Now why can't we have more comrades like that? Instead Pinkie just waves her big errr ummm shovel around and complains about the more base thoughts of other comrades. Mmmph.

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Thousand Island I am thinking. Who's Pinkie? Oh yeah. The one with the big shovel.
Wonder if she took the garbage out?
Actually I am sure that Commissarka Pinkie is exactly right for the Party and meets all standards that the party applies.
She has money and can be taxed. Especially for Carbon Fingerprinting.
Those CSI's are good. Picking up Carbon fingerprints er oh yeah footprints.

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Red Square wrote:

Image



Hm, which quip to quip?

"I'd gladly carbon fingerprint her."
"Definitely Oil dressing."
"I'll gladly go green if this comrade should personally persuade me."
"Can the ice cube she's carrying be used in the salad?"
"I'd be willing to toss her bikini."
"What huge heads of lettuce!"
"I have a strong desire to eat my greens."
"This is one sexy BLT"
"Can I please hold her anchovies?"

I could go on...I got sheets of this stuff...

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Oh look, a salad bar!
Image Image
Image

Image

At least we can anticipate that no brains would be served with this course.

BTW, what the hell is it with liberal movements and sex????
Have sex with a liberal!
Have sex with an Obama supporter!
Go nude to protest fur coats!
Wear lettuce to promote vegetarianism!
Don't these people have anything better to think of than the flesh pots of leftism? Or is it the assumption that all humans are driven by Aphrodite to jump over the precipice into the sea? (as Sharon Stone so aptly put it "It is not possible for us to control our sexuality")<br>Anyway, it mystifies me.

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Please leave sheets alone. You must sleep now, comrade. Overexcitement is bad for health of Party member. And make sure that when you wake up sheets still look like they are now.


 
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