Theme Songs: Best Loved Muslim Sitcoms

First up, the sister show to Kush Acres ... Pet a Goat Junction

Come join the little train that is forming out in back
At the junction
Forget about jihad, it is time to relax
At the junction
Lots of ewes you bet, even more when you get
To the Junction ... (Pet a Goat Junction)

There's a little goat tail, Zawahiri's best
At the junction (Pet a goat Junction)
They are owned by Qa'it, come and seize her pets
For that function (at Pet a Goat Junction)
And there's Mullah Joe, he's a mountin' kinda slow
At the junction

Pet a Go-o-o-at JUNCTION!

(And while we are on this topic, Comrades, let's not forget the classic Islamromcom "The Love Goat -- where unmarried Muslim jihadis go to work out issues related to their unmarried status)

Love, exciting and new
Climb aboard, we've reserved a ewe
And love, life's bleatest reward
Let it flow, she backs up to you

The LOVE GOAT soon will be making another run
Love Goat, driving the herd was never so much fun
Set a course for urge quencher
Your mind on a new goat dance

And jihad won't hurt anymore
For the rank and file in an endless war


Just sit right back and you'll hear a tale
A tale of a fateful op
That started in a Kabul mosque
And ends on a mountain top
The Shaykh was a blind Wahhab imam
The Mullah's a Sufi dog
Five shahidiin set out one day
On a three all day slog
A three all day slog

Al ghazu* took a turn for the worse
Were spotted up near Khost
If not for the ludicrous ROE's
The martyrs would be toast
The martyrs would be toast
The band escaped to the mouth of this
Unspotted Afghan cave
The Mullah too
A Chechnyan, and Shi'ite
A human shield
The moderate AND a Taliban
At Gilligan's Islam!

*(The raid)

So this is the tale of our jihadiin
They're stuck till the end of their life
They'll have to keep from killing themselves
Because of tribal strife
The Blind Shaykh and The Mullah too
Will do their very best
To keep from slitting each other's throats
In this Afghan viper's nest
No phones! No wives! No praying rugs!
Not a single luxury
Like Mohammed and his Ashab*
Fanatical as can be
So join us every week, Sahib
You're sure to cry "Salaam."
For seven stir crazed castaways
At Gilligan's Islam!

*(Ashab -- pronounced US-hub -- boon companions of the Big Guy)


(Recounting the spirited hi-jinks of a caste of good ol' boy Turkish soldier-slave-sultans who continue to bedevil the Ottoman Turks after they were driven from power by Sultan Selim in 1517)

Just some good ol' Turks
Never meaning no harm
Just the sword of Allah, been defending al Islam
Since the day they was formed

Repelling the Franks
Give Crusaders hell
Some say the Mongols will hate 'em
But Allah never will

Seizing the State
Making plans with the Shah
That's just a little bit more
Than Selim will allow

Just a caste of slave-kings
Wouldn't change if they could
Fightin' Ottomans like a
True Muslim Bey brotherhood



Obama's Family

They're creepy and they're kooky
Mysterious and spooky
They're altogether ooky
Obama's family

White House is a museum
Bad people come to see 'em
They make you want to scream
Obama's family


So get Pelosi's shawl on
Her broomstick you can crawl on
We're gonna have a pall on
Obama's family.

Comrade Chalupa, I distinctly indicated that these are to be Muslim sitcoms and you post a song about Obam- ... Oh ha ha, is being best joke, Comrade (EOL!!) -- equality of laughter for all. Indeed, Comrade, the utter equality of your witticism almost warrants a EOFL (Equal Opportunity For Laughter) Another such witticism and I may nominate you for a "Hero of the People's Mirth" medal

Excuse me now, I must post new sitcom, "Allah in the Family" a Seventies comedy about Akeem Baqir, an Egyptian civil servant and supporter of Hosni Mubarrak, who frequently quarrels with his son in law, Malik, a member of the Muslim Brotherhood -- frequently over the issue of Akeem's secular, non-Islamic lifestyle

From Hellish Vision City in Ali Wood ....

Boy the way them mullahs prayed
Copts that made the hit parade
Guys like us we had them slayed
Those were the gays
And you knew where your place was
Girls were brides and Jews were dhims
Mahmoud we could use a man like Abdul Nasser again
Didn't need no Jewish state
Everybody's filled with hate
Gee, those Yahoods* cowered great
Those were the days

*(Arabic word for Jew)


(Fireworks ensue when a corrupt Kuwaiti princeling who has become bored with his traditional Muslim wives marries an ultraliberal New York JAP who shares his hatred of Pamela Geller)

Here's the story of a Sabah princeling
Who had three wives who proffesed the Faith of Peace
All of them cast down their eyes, like good Muslims
The youngest one his niece

Here's the story of a Jewish Princess
Who had burned through three husbands of her own
They were dead broke from all her spending
So she lived alone

And then one day this Princess met the Princeling
And she knew it was much more than just brunch
That this man could support her spending habits
That's the way she joined the Kuwaiti Bunch

Kuwaiti Bunch, Kuwaiti Bunch
That's the way they became Kuwaiti Bunch

Urgent update, Comrades:

KUSH ACRES -- the comedy about a Ba'ath party official and his reluctant high society wife who chuck life in Baghdad in favor of joining the jihad in Afghanistan is now DIIN ACRES -- Diin meaning "faith" in Arabic

Diin Acres is the place to be
Ba'a'a'a'a'a'th infighting ain't the path for me
Men spreading faith so fierce and brave
Keep the Cap'tol, just give me that Afghan Cave

Bag-DAD is where our future lies
I get exhausted swatting flies
I'm good kissing Sadijah's ass
Habibi ahubbak, but give me that ruling class

The drones
My God!

Ent' Zaujati
Salaam, Ba'ath Party
Diin Acres we are there

(Arabic words are exact translations of original lyrics ... Sadijah was Sadaam's wife)

Urgent pronouncement from The Higher Authority concerning the cancellation of "Mamelukes of Az Har", Comrades:

The Cube Collective applauds the decision by "TV Ummah" to cancel re runs of "Mamelukes of Az Har". Under the circumstances of the tragedy in Charleston, it would be insensitive in the extreme to continue airing a show which cheerfully celebrated the concept of achieving absolute power through the instrumentality of self-enslavement. Moreover, the name "Mameluke" itself, which means "slave" in Arabic, can only trigger painful historical associations in the vibrant Arabic speaking portion of our African American community.

Furthermore, the name "Mameluke" certainly would trigger painful memories in the minds of our Mongolian-American citizenry as the Mameluke victory over the Mongols at Ain Jalut in 1261 frustrated the deeply cherished desire of the Mongol community to achieve world domination via the infliction of all-destroying, genocidal mayhem. And seeing as how the defeat at Ain Jalut caused the Mongols to re direct their genocidal energies to the Far East as opposed to the far more deserving, hyper-aggressive "Crusading" Christofascist West, the name "Mameluke" must surely trigger painful associations with those of Sino-American heritage as well.

Finally, due to the close association of "Mameluke" with the Italian word "Mammalucca" (mama's boy) a slur used to enforce outdated cisgender, testosterone-fueled, patriarchal, hetero-normative values that have contributed so greatly to the current epidemic of rape at our elite universities ...... this show would also be triggering, not to mention hindering, to all young womyn attempting to maximize their life and career choices in the face of suffocating Christo-patriarchal privilege.

For these and many other considerations we once again applaud the courageous stand made by TV Ummah.

User avatar

Well we're gonna blow up, the east side.
Get a virgins apartment in the sky.

Blowin all up the east side.
We finally get our chance to go die.

Knish won't fry in the kitchen;
Kibbeh won't burn on the grill.
Took a whole lotta tryin' just learn how to kill.

Now we're in with Jihadis
Gettin' our turn to blast.
As long as we live, were gonna kill babies
There ain't nothin wrong with that.

Well we're gonna blow up, the East Side.
Get a virgins apartment in the sky.
Blowin all up the east side.
We finally get our chance to go die.

User avatar

Spreading Islam in the world today
Takes everything you've got;

Learning to kill from some Jihadis
Sure would help a lot.

Wouldn't you like to get away?

Sometimes you want to go
Where everybody is insane,
And the Jews are all to blame;

You want to be where you can see,
Infidels are to blame;
You want to be where everybody is insane.

You want to go where heads will roll,
People burned in a cage;
You want to go where everybody is insane.

Allahu's Snackbar!! ...... How could I forget these two tasty comedic confections from the Islamic sitcom repast? I mean, "Al Jabbar's Sons" was a spin off from '"Allah in The Family" for Quraish sake ... and many deemed it the Kareem of the krop of mid-70's Islamocoms. And khow in the khell could I forget a classic like "Ameer's?" Thanks for keeping me on my toes, Comrade

PROG OFF: BTW, folks did you hear that TV land is going to cancel "The Jeffersons" because the main character's name, George Jefferson, is a reference to George Washington and Thomas Jefferson, both of whom owned slaves? You can't make this stuff up. (Even though I just did)

PROG BACK ON: So, Comrade Presidente, it appears we have covered all the bases when it comes to theme songs. Except .... what about that show, "Leave it To Believer?"

You know, the one about the mischievous little Muslim kid whose antics always cause him to miss his mid-day prayers and who was always getting the big lecture about the "torments of Allah's Fire" by his genial Sufi mystic of a father. You know, the show that made household names out of Muhammad Wally and Jareem Abdul Bivar?

Did that show have lyrics or was it just a memorable musical theme, as was the case with "Omar Pyle, ISIS" and "I Dream of Jihad?"

And finally, what about "I Love Lunacy?" Didn't Rafiqi Riqa'ardo once sing the lyrics to that theme on the show, or am I just making that up to score a cheap laugh?