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Read My Teleprompter: No New Taxes

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President Biden today reaffirmed his campaign pledge that no American making under $400,000 per year will see a tax increase. In remarks concerning the Party's planned spending bill, he stated:

First, my plan is paid for, it's fiscally responsible. Because our investments are paid for my making sure corporations, wealthy Americans pay their fair share. Second, we're not going to raise taxes on anyone making under $400,000. That's a lot of money. Some of my liberal friends are saying it should be lower than that. But, only corporations and people making over $400,000 a year are going to pay any additional tax. And third, not only will no one making under $400,000 see their taxes go up, the middle class are going to get some tax cuts, some breaks.

Critics, undoubtedly motivated by racism and white supremacy, have questioned the possibility of spending so much money without raising taxes on those making less than $400K per annum. "How can the President possibly make such a rash claim, and even promise lower taxes for the middle class?" they ask in their economic ignorance.

What these naysayers do not take into account is the hyperinflationary cycle this spending will touch off. As the dollar devalues at Weimar-like speed, soon minimum-wage earners will be pulling down over half-a-million dollars per week. True to his word, no one making less than $400,000 per year will see new taxes, not when a soy-burger and nondairy gluten-free frozen beverage will cost over $50,000.

As to the promise of tax relief for the middle class, they will see their overall tax liability decrease after the foreclose and sale of their house. Think of the property tax savings they will see as they move into government-provided housing in their Government-Underwritten Labor Association Groups! (More on this exciting new program to "Build Back Better" is coming soon, possibly by Next Tuesday!)

Note as well the savings on highway and fuel taxes as they walk to their new ecologically-approved professions. It is best that you do not ask any questions about what they will be doing in an ecological fashion; it is a closely guarded state secret.

Get ready, America! We finally have a President who keeps his promises!

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It took me a minute to figure out that Government-Underwritten Labor Association Groups = GULAGs. Well done.


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At least paper, as a commodity, will not become too expensive. We will just be able to use dollar and euro bills to wipe our behinds, wrap fish, mop up stains, create party approved banners with slogans, confetti etc.

Can I lend your wheelbarrow? I'm out to buy stale bread.

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I am delighted to see that anyone with more than $600 in the bank is considered "super wealthy." What a wonderful Party this is, to elevate so many of us to super-wealthy status with a mere decree.

Oh, but wait ... does that mean that we are now of kulak status and must be eliminated? Surely not. Surely not?


 
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