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PROGRESSIVE Personals : THE SPRING EDITION!

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Comrades,

Looking for that lifelong proggie partner so you to can enter the world of married bliss?

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We'll to help you in your search is the spring addition of our Proggie personals.

First up for the men, Meet Brenda Bushwhacker.

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Brenda just hates Conservatives and Republicans and the mere mention of former President Bush sends her into hour long diatribes. Known for great dinner conversation and deep intellectual thought. Brenda will amaze you at how many times she use can use the word "idiot" in any conversation that involves Bush. If your rotten at conversation but still want to date. Brenda may be perfect for you, as you really won't need to get a word in edgewise once she starts up on a Bush rant.

Next up, meet Armanda Pitts.

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Armanda is truly an all natural gal. Hates everything artificial and can't wait for all of us to abandoned our modern planet killing lifestyles and get back to what nature intended. You may be the guy also that trips her trigger. Be advised though Armanda is pretty picky on who she decides to date. Not every Tom, Dick or Harry will do.

Now here is a Prog babe that will rock your world. Meet Wendy Wonder!

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Wendy is into Pina Coloda's an gettin' caught in the rain. She is also into proving that females are the superior sex and will beat the heck out of you, if you don't agree.

NOW FOR THE LADIES
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Meet, Rayne Forrester.

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Rayne is into saving our tropical rain forests and it just makes him cry every time he thinks about what humans have done to exploit the rainforests natural resources. Here he is mourning for bananas that have been stripped from the forest and away from their tree mother. Ladies you want a guy that is really in touch with his feelings? Rayne is just the prog for you.

Ned Scales is fishing for love!

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Ned is tired of his alternate lifestyle in the love department and now wants to wrap his arms around some real proggie lady flesh. Ned also likes granola bars and attending poetry readings.

And Finally Cal Coolayde!

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Cal is a musician that hopes to strike the right note with a prog babe. His songs are all about Obama and his love for the man and our progressive agenda! Let Cal blow your mind with his talent ladies.

There ya have it another fine selection for your dating purposes!

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oh my, the gulag men... males will be so impressed with your womanhood on display. I am thinking Ms. Wonder would be perfect for Whoopie (he seems to be "into" alternatives, in many way). And I am seeing Ms. Pitts with new prole Tovarichi, who is searching all ally's in seach of Mrs. T (so I hear).

I cannot help but think that Ned would be perfect for Mrs. Al so it is a pity she is taken. As for our fruit loving, banana man . . . . umm, I must ponder this one. Is Comradette Pinkie spoken for? But never fear, I am sure will find good matches for all these mates!

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I am pleased to announce that Mr. Coolayde and I, the Frau, have made a new friendship. We have music and our hippie youth to reminisce over.
I have made our photo more modest, for modesty sake but left the feeling of joy and comradery which it depicts.
I will keep my Cubical comrades, updated as need!

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I call dibs on Brenda. . . wait, I can't call dibs.

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Commissar Elliot,
Why not call it "Libs" on Brenda?

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General Confusion wrote:Commissar Elliot,
Why not call it "Libs" on Brenda?
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Progressive women are notoriously aggressive when seeking a husband...
(Just ask the People's Director)

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Comrade Whoopie wrote:Progressive women are notoriously aggressive when seeking a husband...
(Just ask the People's Director)

This would explain is extending leavings leave. I am a little dismayed that I did not have not received my wedding invitation as of yet. I'm sure a small oversight.
(now if I can find that Kmart gift card for the reception....)

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ALRIGHT! Which one of you Comrades gave Brenda my phone number!!!!!!!!! GULAG, I tell ya! YOU ARE GOING TO PAY. I am a loyal progressive but even I need some damn sleep, hours and hours of hearing talk about Boooooooosh, I know, he caused Katrina, I know he steals candy from infants......DAMN IT, I KNOW ALREADY....I cannot get the woman to stop blathering. Man it so bad that as soon as say an ahhhum, to get a freakin pause I am blasted how he caused ACNE. YOU ARE A DEAD MAN AND IT ALL CAN BE BLAMED...............Errrr......On Bush.

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Comrade dear Snoogie, you must 'give love a chance'. This could be your last chance, could it not? And what is not to enjoy about the constant, bashing of Bushitler talk? Is this not pleasing to the ear? Is this not what make a Happy Prog ™ ? Does this not make you feel better??

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Judge Fraulein Pulloskies wrote: And I am seeing Ms. Pitts with new prole Tovarichi, who is searching all ally's in seach of Mrs. T (so I hear).
Frauline, I as always am grateful for your attention toward my needful needs. Sadly to saying, current wife would disapprove of such additional wifery. Though Ms. Pitts and Tovarichi, Image we would make good couple, no? My farming collective is not run by church of Republikkan Mitt Romney, such is frowned upon in my village.

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You have a spousal unite??? Then what is that I was told by a 3rd party's, 2nd cousin that you or a resemblance of you, were most likely seen at Buffy's Bombshell Men's Club?

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Is me at Buffys, I go to recruiting oppressed girls, capitolist system prevents them from owning many clothing, all fits badly and continually comes off. Poor things, I ask to "party with me" so I can teach glory of dear leader, they mostly go into champaign room with no champaign...not so interested in political talking, but accomplished at fundraising. I sacrifices my evening for the party.

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Tovarichi wrote:Is me at Buffys, I go to recruiting oppressed girls, capitolist system prevents them from owning many clothing, all fits badly and continually comes off. Poor things, I ask to "party with me" so I can teach glory of dear leader, they mostly go into champaign room with no champaign...not so interested in political talking, but accomplished at fundraising. I sacrifices my evening for the party.

I know we of the Elite Progressives are well pleased with your enthusiastic search and rescue mission of Damsels in Distress of Capitalism ™ . But I am thinking some of these girls need to be thrown back.. need less of your personal attention. Spousal unites look with negativity at finding such distressed females on their back porch.

Image and always clean up the beer bottles, less some of our comrades suddenly appear, searching out the scent of alcohol. (it can be so HARD TO THEN GET RID OF THEM hint hint)


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Frau, do I detect a hint of jealousy in your writing? "But I am thinking some of these girls need to be thrown back."

Such bitterness is unbecoming and unladylike. You know what they always say "Good girls go to heaven, but bad girls go EVERYWHERE."

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I personally believe in Mae West. "When you're young, keep a diary. When you're old, it'll keep you." I have very many pictures of some of our most esteemed progressives here at the Rancho when they are, how do I say this delicately? Sleeping off a shameless drunk.

Armanda Pitts frankly could take some grooming hints. From say a drag queen.

My idea though of a good prog is
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I don't know about you, but there is something just great about a skinny old bald man painted up like a tribesman, pumping his scrotum full of saline.

Well, perhaps the saline between his ears relocated.

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Comrade Whoopie..... I take exception your exception or conclusion... whatever it is. I have not filled with jealousy to these young, female hooligans. I have had my hooligan days of youthful exuberations, which are yes, none of your business. But Comrade Tovarichi made a pointed pointed of flaunting his marriedness. Thus and so, she scalawags don't need to be on his behind porch!!!

Father Prog, you have the most interesting party's at the Rancho.... I am sorry I evidently missed this gathering. Was Barny Frank there to speak to comrades? I think that paint is in his color tone. Now I must run quickly and wash my eye out with bleach.

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Fear not, Frauline. Tovarichi is loyal to wife, as is loyal to Party. Young girls blowing thier beets into backyard rose bushes are like Libertarians and Greens, and Naderites, and "Rent is Too Damned High" parties. Interesting, and all have good qualities (some display qualities in Champagne room I do not discuss with wife!)

but only one for me....

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Fraulein, that picture was not the most interesting thing to happen at the Rancho that weekend. Not by a long chalk.

That was the weekend that our dear Many Titted Empress took out half of my dry wall with her tusks. That was the weekend that Nanski Peloski perched on my furniture like the velociraptor she is and destroyed it. Did you know that Nanski's claws can crack a toilet bowl? Well, better that than Nanski shit all of the place. Have you ever smelled it? You'll projectile vomit.

(Of course if you, like me, have been lucky enough to see Nanski with her hair on fire--don't ask--you'll forget the claws.)

Pupovich was over here training his talent-shitting pigeons. They can poop in a RethugliKKKan's eye from 500 feet.

But most of all was the wallet-lifting class taught by dear Barry O. He decided that his image was too harsh and he didn't want to appear as the class warrior that he is. The self-hatred implicit in that, absent cognitive dissonance, impelled him to be the Softer, Gentler Obama. So instead of being a true socialist, he merely gave classes in pocket picking.

It's the first step in a Thousand Points of Thievery. Lift one wallet here, another there, and pretty soon there's no one with enough money to stop you.

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Father Prog Theocritus wrote:I personally believe in Mae West. "When you're young, keep a diary. When you're old, it'll keep you." I have very many pictures of some of our most esteemed progressives here at the Rancho when they are, how do I say this delicately? Sleeping off a shameless drunk.

Armanda Pitts frankly could take some grooming hints. From say a drag queen.

My idea though of a good prog is
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I don't know about you, but there is something just great about a skinny old bald man painted up like a tribesman, pumping his scrotum full of saline.

Well, perhaps the saline between his ears relocated.

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A-ten-hut!

Holy Mary Mother of Jesus WTF is that?

Jesus H. Christ Private Theocritus, son, how many times have I told you men when you go on shore leave for R&R that you don't return your "entertainment" to the barracks!

Now those pinkos look a bit old to be hippies don't ya think? They don't need to dodge the draft, they're too damn old anyway, and sailors to boot.

The one behind the hippy wearing the peace tattoos, is he the new Navy Rear Admiral?

Why I bet he could suck a golf ball through a garden hose. And when I said "drop down and give me 20" tell that man that is not what I meant.

Wait a minute .... wait a minute ....

I think I may have underestimated you Private Theocritus, why, you are slowly showing the traits of a good Marine soldier, brilliant, absolutely brilliant son. A Marine will always Improvise, Adapt, and Overcome

Next time we are on patrol we can use those 2 "men" to lure Charlie out of the bush! We can hideout in the brush and leave those 2 visible, then when Charlie is lured out of his tunnels (thinking he is going to get a little boom-boom) we can ambush them. The VC won't know what hit them.

Well Private Theocritus, you now are promoted to Platoon Leader.

Private Whoopie, you are now fired, Private Theocritus is now Platoon Leader.

Now just a few things first Private Theocritus:

1. Keep those 2 men in your foot locker when we at back at base.

2. The one with the peace tattoos, seems he has big balls, good trait of a Marine, but suggest you take him to the medics for a shot of Peniscillan. That same thing happened to me once after I took leave in Saigon, was a bit painful I might add.

3. And get a damn shave and haircut Private Theocritus, Marines are killers, look the part son.

Carry on.


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Single Muslim Male seeks devout non-inflatible womanor boy or sheep
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NeoTroll, thank you for your promotion but as Father Prog Theocritus I am the arbiter of doctrine, and the dispenser of the Current Truth. I admit that I get lots of my current truth from Laika on my superheterodyne, phased-antenna-array tin-foil hat, with bits of Michael Moore's beard glued on it, but still, I dispose of the truth.

In any way that you want to consider it.

For I am Father Prog.


 
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