Osama bin Laden Nominated for Nobel Peace Prize

POLL: Does Osama bin Laden deserve the Nobel Peace Prize?

Poll ended at 4/5/2010, 11:13 pm



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The People's News Interpretation Service has learned that Osama bin Laden has been nominated for the Nobel Peace Prize. Our intrepid reporter caught up with an Al Qaeda community organizer in Quetta and other locations, due to the need to avoid becoming stationary, hence a target of US imperialism and genocide; moreover, the following interview, via the community organizer, one Dr. Q., had to be conducted with multiple cell phones to protect the location of the Nobel Candidate's current cave in the AfPak border zone.

CT: Laureate-to-be-bin Laden, what was your reaction on learning that you had been nominated for the Peace Prize?

BL: Allah akhbar! It has long been past time that you infidels recognized Islamic sociocultural superiority and began paying the jiziya. Naturally, I will share my 10% of my prize award with my Muslim brothers.

CT: Will you be going to Stockholm to receive your award, Mr. bin Laden?

BL: I do not walk in the lands of the kufr, and Sweden—note that idolaters' cross on their flag—has not yet fallen. Accordingly, I will send a number of representatives in my place. By the grace of the Prophet, praise be unto him, my award ceremony will end with a bang.

CT: When did you first have an inkling of your nomination?

BL: You kufr are like brothers who pray in the opposite direction of Mecca! Why, 9/11, of course! Yes, it was an unmistakable salvo in our jihad, but it was also guaranteed to bring us plaudits from the self-named "brights" who run the machinery of infidel media and thought. Though they are atheists and thus even more deserving of death than the People of the Book, their inability to see what lies in the plain truth of Allah's day only proves how they wander through an impenetrable spiritual and moral blackness. When we find then, we will enlighten them, an sh'allah.
You must also consider our success at community organizing. Look at the apostate leader of the Great Satan, Barack Hussein Obama: a community organizer. Whoever says it is a dead-end career is a flea on a camel's anus looking to get in.

Moreover, look at our community, especially in Sweden. In Malmö, alhamdu lillahi, the faithful have been well organized for years. Finally your so-called leftists have begun to accept our Islam, although they will not yet admit so openly. The proof is that now Sweden's leftists are more influential in pushing out Jews than our brothers. Allah akhbar! Progress! How could the Swedes not give me the thing?

CT: The 9/11 attacks were in 2001. Why were not nominated earlier?

BL: Look, Brother Gore already had it in the bag. He said what the right people wanted to hear and Bush stole Gore's election. After losing the election, Gore dropped off the screen, like I'm doing, except voluntarily. He came to Europe and planted his green seeds and within a year of losing the election, he knew the Nobel was in the bag. He just had to bide his time. [2:153] Bear in mind the following quotation of the Prophet, peace be unto him: "O ye who believe! seek help with patient perseverance and prayer; for Allah is with those who patiently persevere." Al Gore waited; I shall wait; dar al Islam wait until the time is right to take the lands and women of the kufr.

CT: Why do you believe you have been nominated, other than 9/11?

BL: Do you sit on scorpions and eat the flesh of swine? The answers are before your closed eyes, kufr!

One, I am Muslim and therefore inherently oppressed and deserving. If you had gotten here a few years earlier, you could have asked Yasser Arafat, who died a Laureate. He would have confirmed this.

Two, the people at the Nobel are suckers for Third Worldism. Remember how they bought the mendacious sob story of Rigoberto Mencu Tum? Well, I too am a victim of colonialism. Someone somewhere at some time was once a victim of colonialism by Swedes. I fight for all the oppressed, even those I will later have to kill or maim. Besides, I live in a cave. Can anyone get more ethnic than that?

Three, we all know the dead rest in peace on this earth, regardless of where they go in the afterlife. As I am directly responsible for the deaths of at least 4,000 people—damn Excel, it keeps choking, so I never know the exact total!—I am clearly a man who can deliver the peace.

Four, related to two previous points, Islam is a religion of peace and tolerance. If you doubt it, I will have some brothers explain it to you in terms you will not forget. My representatives will accept the award in the name of Islam.

Five, Islam requires the redistribution of wealth through the zakat and forbids interest. Laureates Krugman and Obama have put in a good word for me on these points of sound economics. Those are the Five Pillars, pardon the pun.

Six, and this is the last one, as, an sh'allah, my cell phone battery is dying, I have seen that the infidel Gore is correct: global warming is the fault of the Great Satan. Think how much of America's carbon footprint I reduced on 9/11!

In short, how could I not receive the Peace Prize?

CT: Comrade bin Laden, we are with you in solidarity!

BL: Comrade? Why, you insolent kufr, don't you know what we Islamic brothers did to your Soviet kufr comrades? We… (phone goes dead)

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Whoever says it is a dead-end career is a flea on a camel's anus looking to get in.
Comrade, you have found it! You have found it! This is the the wording that I've been looking for. As Peggy Noonan gave us "a thousand points of light" so will we, the Collective, give President Barry M. N. Emma what will become his immortal line:
President Obambi wrote:For I am your Great Socialist Father at 1600 and I will lead you unto the Progressive World of Next Tuesday. There are 300 million fleas in this country and all are invited to crawl into my ass.

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Sounds like Osama has more reasons to win than Dear Leader did. Don't tell Dear Leader. It might make him feel inadequate. And don't tell his most devoted fleas, for that matter. At least, now, they have a destination.

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Comrade Tovarich ~
Exciting! Isn't it glorious to see the oppressed receiving their just desserts.. deserts... desserts. Brother bin Laid Laden is the very essence of 'progressiveness' and has been so mcuh more than maligned by those liars and torturers in the Bushit administration. He is certainly more deserving than Mr. bin Gore and certainly more than the unqualified and deficient great Leader.

*Isn't "kurf" a term offensive to glorious leader and his 1/2 ethnicity?

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We can expect President Barry M. N. Emma to renounce, yet again, his half whiteness when he next flies to the Middle East and washes the sandals of the King of Saudia Arabia and is groom of the stool to the head of Hamas.

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Fraulein Pulloskies wrote:
*Isn't "kurf" a term offensive to glorious leader and his 1/2 ethnicity?

Kufr, Kufir, kaffir, kaffer, caffeine, coffee party....Hmmmmmm?

And what does coffee and cocoa have in common? They're both beans! And what are beans associated with? FARTS!

Comrades, I'm on the verge of a profound revelation here. I need to go sit down and drop some acid.

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Let me ponder . . . . your conclusion, dear Whoopie, is the Cocoa Party is a bunch of farting racist?

I think this calls for a new bottle of vodka!

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Comrades Whoopie is onto something: beans are the musical fruit and zealous Muslims forbid music. Does this mean falafel and hummus are not halal?

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I concur, Comrade Tovarich, those fava beans and chickenpeas are well noted for causing much internal gaseous combustion, which not only frightens camel, but their jockey's as well. That certainly isn't permitted, or pleasing, to our Muslim compatriots in prayer stance.


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Back to the question posed...

Of course OSB deserves the peace prize. It is only through his jihad the world may attain true peace.

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Fraulein, I just realized that that prayer group has more skid marks than the Indianapolis 500.

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Reiuxcat, that was put so well - Peace Through Death! (that's one way to shut'um up)

Skid marks . . . that's from being run down by all those evil white Christians.

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I am torn between whether to cry with delight "Hail Lenin!" or "Allah akhbar!"

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Allah akhbar has been know to wipe out all skid marks. I kid you not. It does happen. How else to you think laundry gets done in the middle of the desert with no water?

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According to Tovarich, and I hope he won't mind me repeating this, in Saudi Arabia the people clean with their left hand and then wash with water, or sand, as required. One gets to see the white robes sticking to wet asses.

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Now, how am I supposed to respond to that? I was giving Islam its due respect in the matter of producing miracles.

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Of course it is entirely possible that they forgot to lift their robes as they sat to pee? Perhaps their parts are on backwards. You know what we've seen with Nanski. She's nearly got a goatee but her boobs start on her belly.