Secretary of Being Someplace Else John Kerry has been named the very first recipient of Iran's Golden Taqiyya award for excellence in treaty negotiations.

"Nobody gobbles up Taqiyya like Secretary Kerry" said a grinning Hassan Roushani, Iranian Head of State.

Secretary Kerry plans to place this award on display in the Bowe Bergdahl Trophy room just off the lobby of the Department of State. He expressed his eternal gratitude to the Imams, but seemed confused about the Iranians awarding Mexican food, requesting that the jalapenos be served on the side...

Comrade Fhalkyn: Let's not forget president Obeyme. He should be awarded the Neville Chamberlain Peace In Our Time Award for his capitulation to . . . entreaty with the Mullahs. Hence forth July 14, 2015 should be memorialized with September 30, 1938. President Obeyme has guaranteed we are wont won't witness a nuclear war, but have peace in our time. Hosanna.

Did anyone else notice life insurance and property insurance stocks in Israel took a nose dive, but construction industry is booming led by the fallout shelter sector?

Comrade Fhalkyn . . . I hang my head in shame. I should have recognized the euphemism for his nibs. He is the president of a thousand names: The One, Obeyme, Barry Soetoro, et cetera.