"The problem is not inside your head" she said to me
"The answer is easy if you change your sexuality
I'd like to help you in your struggle to be free
There must be fifty ways to name your gender"
She said "It's really not my habit to intrude
Furthermore, I hope your gender isn't lost or misconstrued
But I'll repeat myself and ask you if you lube?
There must be fifty ways to name your gender
Fifty ways to name your gender"

You just take it in the back, Jack
Be a trans-man, Stan
Don't need to be a boy, Roy
Just get yourself free
Just listen to me
Come out to us, Gus
You don't need to discuss much
Just be Androgyne, Lee
And get yourself free

You just take it in the back, Jack
Be a trans-man, Stan
Don't need to be a boy, Roy
Just get yourself free
Just listen to me
Come out to us, Gus
You don't need to discuss much
Just be Androgyne, Lee
And get yourself free

She said "It grieves me so to see you in such stress
I wish there was something to help you sexually express"
I said "I appreciate that and would you please explain
About the fifty names"
She said "Why don't we both just sleep on it tonight
And I believe in the morning you'll see the rainbows light"
And then she kissed me and I realized she probably was right
There must be fifty ways to name your gender
Fifty ways to name your gender

You just take it in the back, Jack
Be a trans-man, Stan
Don't need to be a boy, Roy
Just get yourself free
Just listen to me
Come out to us, Gus
You don't need to discuss much
Just be Androgyne, Lee
And get yourself free

You just take it in the back, Jack
Be a trans-man, Stan
Don't need to be a boy, Roy
Just get yourself free
Just listen to me
Come out to us, Gus
You don't need to discuss much
Just be Androgyne, Lee
And get yourself free

Facebook's new gender options

Agender
Androgyne
Androgynous
Bigender
Cis
Cis Female
Cis Male
Cis Man
Cis Woman
Cisgender
Cisgender Female
Cisgender Male
Cisgender Man
Cisgender Woman
Female to Male
FTM
Gender Fluid
Gender Nonconforming
Gender Questioning
Gender Variant
Genderqueer
Intersex
Male to Female
MTF
Neither
Neutrois
Non-binary
Other
Pangender
Trans
Trans Female
Trans Male
Trans Man
Trans Person
Trans*Female
Trans*Male
Trans*Man
Trans*Person
Trans*Woman
Transexual
Transexual Female
Transexual Male
Transexual Man
Transexual Person
Transexual Woman
Transgender Female
Transgender Person
Transmasculine
Two-spirit

Why isn't there a TRANSFORMER?

I'm outraged and deeply hurt!

Keep the parade... Where can I go to the bathroom?

I consider myself to be a... Mutt-Diver.

Michael Moore says "All True Progressives know the 'T' in LGBT also stands for TransFats, so we all must join ThePeoplesCube.Com's campaign against New York City's ban on all TransFats."

--KOOK

I see FTM and MTF, but what if I wish to respond WTF?

After checking the full story on Evil Fox News, I came across a story of a (person with a tail) who is revered and worshiped as a God. This entire line of options has me baffled.

I don't see mine listed--"Female Wondering WTF?"

I'm proud of Facebook for including Bigender. We all know how feisty Comrade Putout gets when someone points out the size of her, well, buttocks.

Still, her line of lingerie has done remarkably well, especially since she started doing the modeling and advertising herself!

Me, I think it was that aggression thing in the ads that pushed her over the top.

Oh baby.

What about double-reverse bimono interfluidsexual spirit animal? Facebook's options are still discriminating against the collective!

As it is my right to identify with any or all genders as I see fit, I am going to try them all, one at a time. Going in alphabetical order, for one week I demand to be identified as "agender". Not this week though, as it's going to take time to figure out what all of these new and improved genders mean. I'll start next week. On Tuesday.

Just to add to the confusi- I mean fun, we've got new symbols to go along with some of the new genders. Just don't ask me what they mean:

We can all have a collective "Gender Bender" and then see who has exchangeable parts.

Normalcy is boredom to begin with, and heteronormalcy is double boring. This is no longer 1776, comrades!

So we may have to tweak our history books a little...

And as for all the Trans stuff, I'm still trying to figure out what Trans Fat is and how it's different from Polyunsaturated Fat and Fats Domino, etc.

Isn't that the stuff that used to come from chickens, but now comes from bacon? I'm pretty sure there's none of that in beets, that's all that matters around here.

I went on individual gender bender last weekend, Comrade Groucho, and ended up getting totally spew-faced. Couldn't tell if I was cumming or groaning. And when I sat down to type this message, I found it was too painful to sit. So I was forced to "dick-take" this post.

I would not necessarily recommend the experience to any of the comrades

Tovarichi wrote:Isn't that the stuff that used to come from chickens, but now comes from bacon?

Speaking of bacon, I ran into this the other day:

Commissarka Pinkie wrote:And as for all the Trans stuff, I'm still trying to figure out what Trans Fat is and how it's different from Polyunsaturated Fat and Fats Domino, etc.

Tovarichi: Schmaltz Domino?

R.O.C.K. in the USSA reminded me I'm hungry when he wrote:

Tovarichi wrote:Isn't that the stuff that used to come from chickens, but now comes from bacon?

Speaking of bacon, I ran into this the other day:

Each can comes with 40 to 50 slices of lipids and protein, produced using three pounds of raw bacon. That's all the stuff any human flesh-eating zombie needs. $110 will buy you a full package of 12 cans of tasty cholesterol, heart bypasses not included.

Captain Squirrel, it COULD come in handy against certain *cough* allahu akbar *cough* enemies, don't you think?

R.O.C.K. in the USSA wrote:Captain Squirrel, it COULD come in handy against certain *cough* allahu akbar *cough* enemies, don't you think?

Quite so, ROCKing Comrade! And yes, you can always eat the misfires.

R.O.C.K. in the USSA wrote:

Tovarichi wrote:Isn't that the stuff that used to come from chickens, but now comes from bacon?

Speaking of bacon, I ran into this the other day:

TacticalBacon.jpg

Tactical Bacon? I suppose there are times when the shiny parade-ground stuff is just inappropriate. Can I hang a flashlight and a laser off of the front of a slab of that stuff?

Tovarichi wrote:

R.O.C.K. in the USSA wrote:

Tovarichi wrote:Isn't that the stuff that used to come from chickens, but now comes from bacon?

Speaking of bacon, I ran into this the other day:

TacticalBacon.jpg

Tactical Bacon? I suppose there are times when the shiny parade-ground stuff is just inappropriate. Can I hang a flashlight and a laser off of the front of a slab of that stuff?

There are many things one can hang off their pork, Tovarichi, but a flashlight is not among them.

Captain Craptek wrote:

Tovarichi wrote:
Tactical Bacon? I suppose there are times when the shiny parade-ground stuff is just inappropriate. Can I hang a flashlight and a laser off of the front of a slab of that stuff?

There are many things one can hang off their pork, Tovarichi, but a flashlight is not among them.

Speak for yourself, Comrade Squirrel!

R.O.C.K. in the USSA wrote:

Captain Craptek wrote:

Tovarichi wrote:
Tactical Bacon? I suppose there are times when the shiny parade-ground stuff is just inappropriate. Can I hang a flashlight and a laser off of the front of a slab of that stuff?

There are many things one can hang off their pork, Tovarichi, but a flashlight is not among them.

Speak for yourself, Comrade Squirrel!

Is this what they call being ham-handed?

R.O.C.K. in the USSA wrote:

Captain Craptek wrote:

Tovarichi wrote:
Tactical Bacon? I suppose there are times when the shiny parade-ground stuff is just inappropriate. Can I hang a flashlight and a laser off of the front of a slab of that stuff?

There are many things one can hang off their pork, Tovarichi, but a flashlight is not among them.

Speak for yourself, Comrade Squirrel!

Now, ROCK, give the squirrel a chance. Perhaps in some obscure little surplus store someone has a teensy little L.E.D. Flashlight that just might hang on his squirrel-sized "picatinny rail" (where woud the battery go? I'm not about to do that research...) and he just doesn't know of such opportunity to be had with enough vodka to trade. He's never been able to stock up any...

I DENOUNCE COMRADE TOVARICHI!!!!1! He has used the term "picatinny rail," which sounds like "pickaninny rail." This makes "picatinny rail" a possible racist dog-whistle code phrase. (Like "black hole.")

Perhaps it would be best to refer to the rail formerly known as the "picatinny rail" as simply the "1913 rail". After all, that was also the glorious year in which the Federal Reserve was born!

Ivan Betinov wrote:I DENOUNCE COMRADE TOVARICHI!!!!1! He has used the term "picatinny rail," which sounds like "pickaninny rail." This makes "picatinny rail" a possible racist dog-whistle code phrase. (Like "black hole.")

I DENOUNCE Brain-in Jar for using the racist dog-whistle when he hurled the disgusting term "black hole". The korrect term is "hole of color"!!

I denounce both Comrades Betinov and Craptek for using the phase "dog whistle". <spit>

This offensive phrase only serves to denigrate and marginalize responsible canine-Amerikkans and their undocumented counterparts from less fortunate litters. Both of you should be ashamed.

I Denounce Tovarichi for the use of the word "denigrate," which probably means he wants to remove persdons and canines of color and segregate them into holes of color guarded by canine Americans.

Tovarichi wrote:Now, ROCK, give the squirrel a chance. Perhaps in some obscure little surplus store someone has a teensy little L.E.D. Flashlight that just might hang on his [highlight=#FFFF99]squirrel-sized "picatinny rail"[/highlight] ([highlight=#FFFF00]where would the battery go?[/highlight] I'm not about to do that research...) and he just doesn't know of such opportunity to be had with enough vodka to trade. He's never been able to stock up any...

"Squirrel-sized" rail? "Battery"? Must I remind you of my prodigious semi-annual production efforts? Have a look out your back window, Comrade Tovarichi. (if they've provide you with windows) Notice those small furry things tending the bird feeder? Where do you think they came from? Hmmmm? All without batteries, sir! All without batteries!

...and I just might use a hashtag. You watch.

Komissar Blogunov wrote:...and I just might use a hashtag. You watch.

Comrade Blogunov, desperate times call for desperate measures, but has the situation deteriorated that far that fast? Restraint, comrade, graduated response...

I DENOUNCE BLOGUNOV for the use of the racist and offensive term "hashtag," which is an obvious coded reference to drug use, which in itself is a racial slur directed against the President forhis perfectly naturla youthfu experimentation in the name of Choomunitcation.

Now hang on, cerebellum under glass, and let's review my credentials...

#imaliberal
#imwhiteandihatemyself
#ivotedforpresidentobamaseveraltimesineachelection

Oh, dangit! #nowyouvegotmeusinghashtags!

KOOK wrote:
Michael Moore says "All True Progressives know the 'T' in LGBT also stands for TransFats, so we all must join ThePeoplesCube.Com's campaign against New York City's ban on all TransFats."

--KOOK

That image. My eyes!

Seriously, I did shudder a little bit when I saw that.

Considering Betinov is but a Brain in a Jar, I wonder which gender Betinov would select for Betinov's self. Betinov can pretty much choose whatever Betinov likes. Only then will I know which pronoun to use in reference to Betinov.

In fact, all of us should choose, because we're Progs who are pro-choice and so into identity (except when it comes to proving it in order to vote).

I want to be Trans Shovel Gender (TSG), because Trans seems to be what's cool right now and I want to be inclusive with my shovel. As well as cool. I especially want to be cool.

By Lenin, the Kommisarka is as always heavily armed, and korrekt!

This "Ivan" (if that's his real name) (assuming selected gender rates use of "his" appropriate) may be a fraud!

We have no proof of gender, size (because it matters) or even species of origin!

Where is his layered PDF birth certificate? Where are his locked academic records? Where is the rest of his carcass? An inquisition is in order....

Tovarichi wrote:By Lenin, the Kommisarka is as always heavily armed, and korrekt!

This "Ivan" (if that's his real name) (assuming selected gender rates use of "his" appropriate) may be a fraud!

We have no proof of gender, size (because it matters) or even species of origin!

Where is his layered PDF birth certificate? Where are his locked academic records? Where is the rest of his carcass? [highlight=#FFFF00]An inquisition is in order....[/highlight]

I'm too tired now to participate in another inquisition. But go right ahead without me. I'll watch it on C-SPAN. Besides, I donated my judging robes to Comrade Holder so he'll look more official as he "judges" which laws need enforcing.