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WASHINGTON, DC - President Obama announced in a Rose Garden press conference today that in light of the recent Amtrak accident he is calling on the Congress for bipartisan action on Physical Law Reform, and if they don't act, he will.

Mr. Obama stated that if the Congress refuses to act on this reform of the laws of physics, he will sign an executive order repealing them outright and implement reform on his own. “Reforming these so-called ‘Laws of Nature' is the right thing to do, and it will help working families and keep them safe.”

Said Mr. Obama: “The deadly Amtrak accident is just the latest example of how the GOP's refusal to act has put many in danger with deadly consequences”.

“This reform will have immediate benefits from instantly efficient electric cars that no longer need to obey the ‘laws of thermodynamics and energy density' to the being able to drive around a curve at high speed without needing so-called ‘Centripetal force' to keep you on the tracks.”

Obama continued “So if the Congress refuses to act, I will issue an executive order repealing these so-called ‘laws of physics', We cannot continue living in the past having to follow ‘Laws' handed down from Sir Issac Newton over 300 hundred years ago, this is not who we are”.

“It's time to put equality before equations, people instead of physics and fairness over formulas,” the president said.

Obama dismissed the simplistic Newton's laws of motion as a holdovers from a bygone era of racism where the ‘majority' felt they could impose their vision of the physical world on everyone else with their so-called ‘classical mechanics'.

In a related development, Supreme Court Chief Justice John Roberts issued a statement that President Obama's Physical Law Reform does not violate the Constitutional separation of powers because the Founding Fathers didn't foresee that people of the future would be so stupid as to fall for this kind of malarkey.

I'm solidly with Komrade Glorious Leader on this one. The laws of physiks are unjust and racist. They kreate Global Warming™ and kill The Children™. The laws are used by Rethuglikkkans to impede our progress towards the World of Next Tuesday™.

The laws of physiks were kreated by nefarious old white men in a time of wood stoves, flintlock muskets, wooden sailing ships, and horse drawn wagons, so they should no longer apply in the age of high speed rail, elektrik vehikles, wind turbines, ethanol produktion, and solar farms.

Very Korrect Komrade Gummipuppe!

These are Old laws created back before the wonders of diversity and fairness, the new laws will fair an just.

Changes to Newton's 'Law' of gravity will mean downtrodden people will weight less, and evil retthuggicans (spit) will weight more!

Comrades, scientists are hesitant to inform the outcome of their investigations to the cause of this tragic event. Any attempt to explain the laws of physiks might create fear and widespread panic. You see the center of the earth holds a gigantic magnetic gizmo that has been smoldering for some time due to the many forms of Rethuglikkkans impediments. Now as this field has not weakened, due to a lack of funding, underfunded trains, and impoverished inner city populations have become victims. Blame certainly can be placed at the feet of these Rethuglikkkans, a legacy of Joseph Stalin individuals whose only currency in life is to produce fear and panic while withhold funding to outlaw gravity.

Comrade Šterpin wrote:“It's time to put Equality before Equations, People instead of Physics and Fairness over Formulas.”

I'm in favor of it. All sorts of amusing brouhaha will ensue. Later on, after the population is reduced by 60 percent, removing the idiots from the gene pool ...

... well, most of the idiots, unfortunately there is that shelter at Mount Weather; consequences so rarely land on those responsible ...

Note: Don't try this at home unless your gun safe is well stocked and you have a year of food stockpiled. Leave it to the experts at Lawbusters.


"Then, written across the enormous page, stopping time, as a last message to the world and to the world's motor which was New York, she saw the lines of a sharp, intransigent handwriting: Brother, you asked for it! - Francisco Domingo Carlos Andrés Sebastian d'Anconia."

Lev Termen needs to think less wrote:

Comrade Šterpin wrote:“It's time to put Equality before Equations, People instead of Physics and Fairness over Formulas.”

reduced by 60 percent.

Dang it Lev! You ain't helpin' us none. Personally, I can't work out how it has taken so long for this issue to see national confrontation, unless progress towards resolving numerical prejudice has been obstructed by the bourgeoisie. After all, it's the twenty first century. Why do we still have to talk about this? Why should anyone have to count to 21 in this modern age? After the physical laws have been revised to better accommodate the progressive and informed world of today, I propose that Progressives push forward with an amendment to Godwin's and Murphy's Laws, both of which statistically historically have disproportionately affected progressives of every kind.

Law of Inertia must be changed due to it not using government as a role in movement.

In a related story, Albert Einstein finally recants his Theory of Relatively Relative Relativity:

Everyone knows that the Law of Gravity is selectively enforced and that the heaviest burden falls on members of disadvantaged and oppressed socio-economic groups.

Study Finds Economic Bias in Gravitational Law Enforcement

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Contact your Senator, urge them to repeal the deadly Laws of Physics, because evil greedy tightwad Republicans won't tax you heavily enough to spend what it costs to overcome Newton's First Law of Motion.

Congratulations, comrade Šterpin, your post has been promoted to the Mother Page!


Or, as Comrade Stierlitz put it so well in the previous Mother Page post...

Well done, Comrade Šterpin!!! This is an important cause for the Regressive Progressive movement. It is high time that gravity be brought under government control.

Control gravity, control the proletariate!

HAIL OBAMA - 2016!!!

Are we not also controlling the theory that an object in motion tends to remain in motion unless acted upon by an outside force? Force? There's the problem, the use of force by the Gravity Police. We must retrain these uncontrolled Gravity Police. their use of force must be curtailed. Riots are probably in order. Mass protest need to occur. Politicians must sign on.
All the proletariat must act to prevent any further use of Force. Just go with the flow.

Red Square wrote:Congratulations, comrade Šterpin, your post has been promoted to the Mother Page!


Or, as Comrade Stierlitz put it so well in the previous Mother Page post...

Comrade Komissar Red, I am honored. I offer this to you:

Hammer and Loupe wrote:Law of Inertia must be changed due to it not using government as a role in movement.

Dear Kom Rads Hammer and Loupe, it is exactly because of this that the Party has ordered me to saw the Law of Inertia in half. By the way Kom Rads, didn't I see the two of you perform your gravity defying acrobatic comedy Vaudeville act in Nizhny Novgorod after The War?

Dr. Worddust wrote:

Hammer and Loupe wrote:Law of Inertia must be changed due to it not using government as a role in movement.

Dear Kom Rads Hammer and Loupe, it is exactly because of this that the Party has ordered me to saw the Law of Inertia in half. By the way Kom Rads, didn't I see the two of you perform your gravity defying acrobatic comedy Vaudeville act in Nizhny Novgorod after The War?

After the war, I could not find hammer for a long time. Last time I let someone borrow something, I did not receive it back. Hammer was borrowed by a comrade, who did not seem to come back with it nor had a clue where it went. Hammer allegedly went to many places and supposedly got photos of being there. I was too late to even see the event when I found Hammer. Sorry if I was not there.

Red Square wrote:Congratulations, comrade Šterpin, your post has been promoted to the Mother Page!


Or, as Comrade Stierlitz put it so well in the previous Mother Page post...

Thank You Comrade Red Square, it is quite an honor.

Of course, I could not do it without the help of our Dearliar leader

His all too repetitive method of speech makes it all too easy to replicate along with his attempts to change ‘fundamentally transform' reality into some half-assed Proggie paradise… oh did I say that out loud.. please note that I will have to denounce myself at the end of this screed…

I would add that he would also like repeal the laws of biology and reproduction in that the dead simple and Totally F____ Obvious (TFO) reason for marriage being one man and one women is how most higher species reproduce. And thus same sex ‘marriages' make absolutely no sense what so ever…. Opps! That's two times I will have to denounce myself for mentioning taboo subjects in the realm of reality and logic

Yes, my fellow comrades we are witness to the sheer genius of the dear liar leader's mind in that he is rejecting the antiquated notion of natural and normal reproduction for the modern progressive ideal of same sex reproduction… and he will throw trillions at the ‘laws of nature' until they surrender and make it possible for people of the same sex to do the biologically impossible…

.. as well as coal powered cars performing as well as ‘fossil fuel' vehicles and the trains running on time..

You forgot to denounce yourself. Report to the Politburo™. They will conduct an investigation. Their investigator was once a proctologist. Expect a thorough investigation, comrade.

But comrades! Don't forget! We NEED the First Law of Thermodynamics, otherwise we would need to admit conclude that there is not a finite amount of wealth in the world, and therefore, if the rich get more, the poor MUST get less!!!!!