DARPA Unveils Shoe Hurling Device to Iranian Newsman

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carrier shoe launch small.jpg
In a recent People's Cube article entitled Budget Cuts Lead to Clean Sail Powered US Navy an unnamed author (Ahem...) offered our Iranian Comrades an alternate method of “launching” shoes at world leaders and other infidels, while simultaneously making use of outmoded nuclear powered vessels left over from the former US Navy. Little did this unnamed author (Ahem...) realize that our own Defense Department had already begun work on a more portable and less costly device to accomplish the same goal. The Defense Advanced Research Projects Agency (DARPA) has recently revealed an upgraded version of its “BigDog” four legged robot.

robot small.jpg reports: “Whereas once the BigDog disturbingly lacked anything topping off its torso, Boston Dynamics has attached a fifth appendage where a humanoid robot's head should be. It's not really a head: It's an arm-like limb, almost as long as the robotic legs on the ‘Dog, and terminating in a gripping mechanism. But that grip serves as an ersatz jaw, and a strong one: This upgraded BigDog can pick up a hunk of concrete and toss it like a shotput. Darpa, it should be noted, is done funding the BigDog, so it didn't add the arm/head/limb/whatever to the machine.”

An Iranian newsman, Nassarollahpolie Sheepfetish, commented while attending the recent DARPA demonstration: “This device may be controlled remotely. Yes? This mean that I, ah, someone can defend Islam from the infidel from many miles distance? This is good!” Sheepfetish was later seen attempting to place a deposit for a number of BigDogs with the Boston Dynamics sales representative.

Video of the machine in action is available HERE.