[floatleft-nb]If you really want peace, you must write letters
to world leaders - because how would they
otherwise know what's going on in the world?

WWII could surely be avoided if enough people
were to sit down and write "Dear Adolf," pouring
their hearts into it. The takeover in Tibet might
never have happened if more people would write
"Dear Mao!" on their stationeries. Afghanistan
might be at peace if in 1979 more people of
good will had sent letters to Moscow addressed
to "Dear Leonid!"

In today's world, public diplomacy dictates that
all of us sit down and write "Dear Mahmoud!"[/floatleft-nb]

Letter To Ahmadinejad From Kim Jong Il

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To: Mr. Mahmoud Ahmadinejad
President, Islamic Republic of Iran

From: Kim Jong Il
Dear Leader, Teacher, Father, Son, and Spirit of Juche

Dear President,

What exactly is an Islamic Republic? Everyone knows that the only qualifier suitable to precede the word Republic is People's, as in The People's Republic of North Korea. This brings us to the point, sir; we find it troubling that you have failed to renounce your faith in Islam and embrace the great Juche Idea that was given to the world by our Father Kim Il Sung.

Whether you like it or not, Mr. Ahmadinejad, the world is gravitating towards International Socialism and Juche will prevail over all things. Your campaign slogan was: "It's possible and we can do it." It is indeed possible, Mr. A, and you will discard your false faith in Allah and will instead worship the Dear Leader. As the people of Korea have learned, it is most worthwhile to worship, trust and follow the Dear Leader Kim Jong Il as god. He is the great teacher who teaches them what the true life is, a father who provides them with the noblest political integrity, and a tender-hearted benefactor who brings their worthwhile life into full bloom. They have keenly felt the greatness of the General from the bottom of their hearts, and so will you.

We understand that you were born the son of a blacksmith, an honorable proletarian profession. We also respect your accomplishments as a civil engineer and university professor. But how can one make "Allah Akbar" his slogan and really care about the goals of the world-wide proletarian Revolution? We are, of course, allies of a sort in the battle against what you and your brethren call "The Great Satan." But being fellow travelers is just not good enough anymore, Mr. Ahmadinejad. The time has come for you to make a decision: Either convert to Marxism, or we will threaten to wipe your country off the map and continue to pursue our nuclear program - UN sanctions be damned!

The proletarians have nothing to lose but their chains; they have a world to win. - Karl Marx

Kim Jong Il

Dear Leader. Thank you for giving me the Juche Dear Leader Vaginal Itch Supression cream. My wee-wo is all better, thanks to your military preparedness and just plain folksy goodness. Whatever would I do without Juche Dear Leader Vaginal Itch Supression Cream?

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Don't forget, only the god, Kim Jong Il, could play a perfect round of golf on his first try.

If Kim Il Sung was still alive, who would win in a game of golf between him and Kim Jong Il? Any good communist knows the answer to thsi question!!!!!

dear comrades,

I have a question. Can the Dear Leader Kim Jong Two make a rock so large that even he can not move it?

go for the Juche,


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How could you ever go wrong with a political philosophy that contains the word "Che." In deference to the great Ernesto, it should be spelled JuChe!

And how 'bout that Juche calendar? Pretty cool, eh? It's not 2006, comrades. It's actually Juche 95, with year 1 being master Kim Il Sung's birthday.

Consequently, the lyrics to Prince's famous song, "1999," will have to changed to: "Tonight I'm going to party like it's Juche 88!"

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Hear, hear, Dr. Palimpsest!

The same rule must apply to all!

Kubrick's space movie should be called ODYSSEY JUCHE 90

Paul McCartney's popular song should go as follows: Ah no one ever left alive in Juche 74 will ever do...

And, of course, Orwell's 1984's proper title is JUCHE 73

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Ah, JUCHE 73! It has such a nice ring to it.

Comrade Red Square, I seek further guidance on the protocols of the Juche calender. Specifically, how do we deal with dates that preceeded master Kim's glorious birth year of 1912. The Juche calendar apparently does not have a year Zero. So do we make 1911 year Zero and work backwards from there, i.e., the Declaration of Independence was written in -134 Juche or should we say 134 BK (Before Kim)?

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Red Square wrote:And, of course, Orwell's 1984's proper title is JUCHE 73

Dr. W. S. Palimpsest wrote:Ah, JUCHE 73! It has such a nice ring to it.

Juche 73. That would be a fine name for a champagne from Chateau Babeuf. Light and bubbly. Rolls off the tongue in such an esthetically pleasing way.
"Waiter, bring us a bottle of Juche 73."
"Yes, sir!"

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Comrade Otis wrote:Juche 73. That would be a fine name for a champagne from Chateau Babeuf. Light and bubbly. Rolls off the tongue in such an esthetically pleasing way.
"Waiter, bring us a bottle of Juche 73."
"Yes, sir!"

An excellent idea, Comrade Otis! It will be our Victory Champagne! We'll use it to toast special occasions, such as when our army achieves a signal victory over the forces of East Asia, or is it Eurasia--no it's East Asia, for we've always been at war with East Asia? Or when the chocolate ration is lowered yet raised simultaneously.

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Victory Champagne. Yes. I've always enjoyed Victory chocolate and, when I was young, enjoyed Victory cigarettes. Fine state produced products.
I propose a toast. A toast to Kim Jong il. As Madeleine Albright would say, "To Victory!"