[floatleft-nb]If you really want peace, you must write letters
to world leaders - because how would they
otherwise know what's going on in the world?

WWII could surely be avoided if enough people
were to sit down and write "Dear Adolf," pouring
their hearts into it. The takeover in Tibet might
never have happened if more people would write
"Dear Mao!" on their stationeries. Afghanistan
might be at peace if in 1979 more people of
good will had sent letters to Moscow addressed
to "Dear Leonid!"

In today's world, public diplomacy dictates that
all of us sit down and write "Dear Mahmoud!"[/floatleft-nb]

Letter To Ahmadinejad From Jay Leno

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Dear President,

I must insist that you stop stealing my material at once, otherwise you will face the full brunt of my team of lawyers. In case you forgot I was given permission to crack jokes about the Bush family in 1986 by Steve Martin in exchange for keeping certain pictures that were taken during his years of indiscretion. Sure I never used them when I spent years in the Norwich Comedy Club; sure I never got the chance to compare George Dubyah to an intestinal stomach parasite or even call his dad "Skeletor," but I retain the right to do so dammit!

I mean, you haven't heard some of my best material from the '70's and I was in my prime back then. Listen to this: "The Republicans want to screw the working man out of his money. The Democrats want to screw the working man." Hi - friggin' - larious! But now it's all ruined and you're to blame.

My carrier may have slown down but if you think you can renege on an oral contract - in both senses of the word - then feel free to do so, but remember that I will sue you and your banana republic into the ground! Hell, I won't even let the federales give you Frank Sinatra Jr. out of pity, you'll be completely on your own. Remember Noriega? Yeah, that was me.

Yours Truly,
Jay Leno... See? Because of you I can't even say my own name without feeling a sense of revulsion.

Text submitted by an anonymous comrade who prefers to remain an invisible mote in the vast collective

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He should share his wealth with everyone else by giving me all his cars.

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2011 International Socialists Technical Upgrade For Red Jihad And Islam:

You've got mail. Returned mail stamped by the Iranian Postal Authorities as:

Insufficient Postage - Return to sender
The Office of His Excellency does not accept hate mail from failed, has been, late night, talk show hosts.