GUESS WHICH COLLECTIVIST SAID IT...
... and find out on which side of the gulag fence you'll be tomorrow.
(Warning: some questions are more equal than others, and so are some of the answers.)
Life in a Democracy
It is true that liberty is precious; so precious that it must be carefully rationed.
Bernie Sanders - No, he'd rather ration deodorant so people don't crowd each other in breadlines.
Patrick Henry - Give me my monthly ration of liberty or give me death.
Mark Zuckerberg - He's got an algorithm for that.
Vladimir Lenin - Correct. You get a permission to listen to one rock 'n' roll record by a Western performer.
The trouble with free elections is, you never know who is going to win.
Hillary Clinton -
No, but she had to learn it the hard way.
Donald J. Trump - False. The real trouble with free elections is, you never know which loser is going to accuse you of treason for being a winner.
Bernie Sanders - False. The word 'free' should only apply to college, healthcare, housing, food, and other entitlements.
Leonid Brezhnev -
Correct. Democracy has its limits, dictatorship has none.
Crime is a product of social excess.
Nancy Pelosi - Wrong. Crime is the fault of Donald J. Trump and the Republicans.
Bill Clinton - Wrong. Law makes everyone equal, but presidential pardons go to the highest bidder.
Joe Biden - False. Crime and social excess are an excellent source of votes for the Democrat party.
Vladimir Lenin - Da. You own more than one shovel, comrade? Go to Gulag.
Any kitchen maid should be able to run the country.
Adolf Hitler -
Not all kitchen maids. Only those who are blonde and have healthy reproductive organs.
Hillary Clinton - What did you just call me?
Gloria Steinem - That's "Ladle Supervisor" to you, sexist pig!
Vladimir Lenin - Correct. Get a one-day pass to the Politburo Kitchen and Conferencing Center.
Can a nation be free if it oppresses other nations? It cannot.
Luis Farrakhan -
Nation of Islam can.
Mahmoud Abbas -Freedom can only be attained through submission to Allah.
Mao Zedong - Freedom is slavery.
Vladimir Lenin - Correct. He only invaded other nations so they could enjoy the collective freedom of the USSR.
I hope we will come together as a nation and do whatever it takes to keep guns away from people who have no business with them.
Vladimir Lenin - He simply made sure no one could afford a gun.
Hillary Clinton -
Correct. Speeches on gun control yield more cash than pointing a gun.
François "Papa Doc" Duvalier -
Wrong. He had the Tonton Macoute for that.
Mao Zedong -
No guns, nothing to control.
Ideas are more powerful than guns. We would not let our enemies have guns, why should we let them have ideas?
Che Guevara -
Close, but no Che T-shirt.
Hillary Clinton -
No, but she might steal it for her next book's title.
Adolf Hitler -
No, but he had a miltary pact with a man who said it.
Joseph Stalin - Correct. Report a neighbor and live in his apartment.
We have to build a political consensus, and that requires people to give up a little bit of their own turf in order to create this common ground.
Idi Amin -
He made opponents give up a little bit of their liver.
Pol Pot -
His idea of a consensus was a common mound.
Attila the Khan -
See Pol Pot.
Hillary Clinton -
Correct. Why stick to your own turf when you can take over someone else's? Also, every once in a while offer a compromise; it confuses the hell out of Republicans.
The Common Good
We demand that the State shall make it its primary duty to provide a livelihood for its citizens.
Fidel Castro -
False. The Cuban citizens's livelihood is provided by the State of Florida.
Joe Biden -
Wrong. The primary duty of every state is to provide a livelihood for the Biden family.
Barack Obama -
False. He knows better than to feed the hungry on an empty stomach.
Adolf Hitler -
Correct! Entitlements and handouts will always overcome freedom and opportunity.
Our individual salvation depends on our collective salvation.
Jesus Christ -
No, but you may see it soon in the revised, Party-approved, wisdom-free Lite Bible.
Ivan Pavlov -
Wrong. Pavlov studied dogs and he induced collective salivation.
Mao Zedong - Mao studied communism and he induced collective starvation.
Barack Obama -
Correct. He came to save us from our collective sins.
It's time to put the common good, the national interest, ahead of individuals.
Adolf Hitler - Sounds like him, but nein.
Hillary Clinton -
Correct! Never allow other people' self-interest to stand in the way of your common good.
Benito Mussolini -
He was about to say it when some disgruntled individuals hanged him by his feet at a gas station.
Mao Zedong -
No, but when he put the Common Good ahead, 78 million individuals were never heard from again.
Our nation can achieve permanent health only from within on the basis of the principle: The common interest before self-interest.
Joseph Stalin -
No, but he made sure 100 million self-interested citizens received a permanent health status.
Adolf Hitler -
Correct. Visit the SS-sanitarium in Dachau for more information.
Hillary Clinton -
False. Just ask Jeff Epstein.
Barack Obama -
False. He didn't hesitate to throw a friend under the bus.
It's time for a new beginning, for an end to government of the few, by the few, and for the few, and to replace it with shared responsibility for shared prosperity.
Vladimir Lenin -
He woudn't use sloppy grammar.
Founding Fathers -
Spinning in their graves.
Abe Lincoln -
False. He believed that the existing form of government shall not perish from the earth.
Hillary Clinton -
Correct. If it can get you elected, say it.
All individuals or groups are relative, only to be conceived in their relation to the State.
Karl Marx -
Wrong. All men are conceived in their relation to the class stuggle.
Joseph Stalin -
Wrong. All men are conceived in their relation to the Great Leader.
Hillary Clinton -
Wrong. All men are conceived according to the size of their donations.
Benito Mussolini - Correct. Think not what the State can do for you, but what you can do for the State.
It's only when you hitch your wagon to something larger than yourself that you realize your true potential.
Jim Jones -
Close enough, plus the Kool-Aid.
Kim Il-sung -
No, but that's also the meaning of his philosophy of Juche.
Adolf Hitler -
No, but that's also the meaning of Nationalsozialismus.
Barack Obama -
Correct. Pursue social justice; money and power will come later.
We're going to take things away from you on behalf of the common good.
Robin Hood -
He did the opposite: robbed the government and gave back to individuals.
Hillary Clinton -
Correct. Never ask when you can use the government to take.
Vladimir Lenin -
He gave no heads-up, he just took.
Adolf Hitler -
No, but the things he took away for the common good are still being retrieved wrom Swiss banks.
The world needs a new moral architecture... I believe that this should be the first topic to debate in our world of today, ethics, moral.
Nancy Pelosi - False. Morality has its limits, while moral relativism has none.
George Soros -
He's already got the best morals money can buy.
Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi - No, but he died trying.
Barack Obama - Moral choice is a complex personal issue that is better defined by focus groups.
Hugo Chavez -
Correct. To see how that works, visit Venezuela.
I am a fan of the social policies that you find in Europe.
Idi Amin -
Too bad Europe had no recipe for cooking humans.
Pol Pot -
European social policies weren't progressive enough, he had to push them a notch.
Saddam Hussein -
He missed the good old days of National Socialism.
Hillary Clinton -
Correct. Because the American Revolution didn't solve anything.
War
Personal enrichment from war must be regarded as a crime against the nation. We demand therefore the ruthless confiscation of all war profits.
Diane Feinstein -
False. She wouldn't do it to her husband's war contracts.
Beto O'Rourke - No, but he practiced saying it in front of the mirror many times.
Elizabeth Warren - War profits are pennies in the general scheme of things she would confiscate.
Bernie Sanders - No, but war is always good for political activism.
Adolf Hitler -
Correct. Here's a shining example of how a crackdown on war profiteering prevents wars and how a full government control of the economy brings peace and harmony.
The war in Iraq makes millions of dollars for big corporations, either weapons manufacturers or those working in the reconstruction, such as Halliburton and its sister companies.
Joe Biden -
False. He wouldn't do it to his brother's war contracts.
Hillary Clinton -
They are only a fraction of all the scoundrels making millions and not donating to her foundation.
Osama bin Laden -
Correct. He had discovered the clitoris of the progressive movement and had been massaging it with both hands.
Bernie Sanders -
See Osama bin Laden.
We hope that the great United States of America does not continue to use its enormous resources, especially its military might, to destroy human life on earth.
Hillary Clinton -
Never say never and mind those mood swings!
Jimmy Carter -
America had resources? Who knew.
Idi Amin - Correct. Human life was his favorite delicacy.
Al Gore - Wrong.
Destroying human life will save life on Earth.
I don't oppose all wars. What I am opposed to is a dumb war. What I am opposed to is a rash war.
King Leonidas of Sparta -
False. He went to war and let history decide if it was dumb or not.
George Washington -
No, but many progressives think his war for independence was dumb and rash.
Barack Obama -
Correct. All wars are dumb and rash unless the president is a Democrat.
Napoleon Bonaparte -
A war to export French ideas to other countries cannot be dumb by definition.
The meaning of peace is the absence of opposition to socialism.
Karl Marx -
Correct. If you disagree, you're a fascist.
Al Gore -
False. Peace is the absence of opposition to carbon credits.
Joseph Stalin - No, but it's the essense of the international peace movement which he created.
Adolf Hitler -
He just called it National Socialism.
We must confront the privileged elite who have destroyed a large part of the world.
Bernie Sanders - He was about to say it when the privileged elite bought him a fourth mansion.
Hillary Clinton - False. She's too busy confronting the privileged elites who have not yet given her a donation.
Hugo Chavez -
Correct. Destroying the home country by the privileged socialist elites doesn't count.
Karl Marx -
False. Up until the time Marx wrote the Communist Manifesto, the world remained intact. A coincidence?
There had to be a hysteria and a fear sent through America in order to get increased war budgets.
Woodrow Wilson - No, but he did it anyway.
Joe Biden - Wrong. His family profited from increased war budgets.
Daily Kos -
No, but if you chain a thousand Daily Kos writers to a thousand typewriters, over a period of time they might be able to put those letters in that exact sequence.
Julius Rosenberg -
Correct. Read the New York Times for the latest updates.
Healthcare
We demand the extensive development of insurance for old age.
Joe Biden -
False. For his family, government charity starts at home.
Mike Bloomberg - False. Compassion without coercion is useless.
Joseph Stalin -
He didn't have to. The Socialist State was the insurance, the doctor, and the disease.
Adolf Hitler -
Correct. That's why many Germans never got to see old age.
We need to be as well prepared to defend ourselves against public health dangers, as we should be to defend ourselves against any foreign danger.
Adolf Hitler -
No, but he also treated public health as a military issue.
Joseph Stalin -
See Hitler.
Fidel Castro -
See Hitler and Stalin.
Hillary Clinton -
Correct. And if that doesn't work we'll just round up all the doctors and accuse them of treason.
I had a few ideas about health care, and I've learned a few lessons since then, but I haven't given up the goal.
Che Guevara -
The only healthcare idea this doctor had was to dispense shots into people's heads at a close range.
Pol Pot -
His healthcare ideas were crushed by international imperialism.
Adolf Hitler -
No, but he did invest heavily into medical experiments.
Hillary Clinton -
Correct. There is no substitute for an unnecessary government program.
Education
The aim of the school must be to give the student, beginning with the first sign of intelligence, a grasp of the notion of the State.
Joseph Stalin -
Wrong. The notion of the Leader came fist, then the Party, then the State.
Hillary Clinton -
Close enough, only she called it the Village.
Barack Obama -
No, but very close. If you got a business, you didn't build that: the State made it happen.
Adolf Hitler -
Correct. Children are state property, deal with it.
Education is a weapon whose effects depend on who holds it in his hands and at whom it is aimed.
Mao Zedong -
No, but in his defense, he had a few educators shot and the rest of them re-educated.
Joseph Stalin -
Correct. Just like guns, education shouldn't fall into the hands of the politically unreliable.
Chuck Schumer -
No, but he'd agree. Teach a man how to fish, and you lose a Democrat voter.
Bernie Sanders -
Not quite. The goal of education depends on who is paying for it.
You young people, full of vigor and vitality, are in the bloom of life, like the sun at eight or nine in the morning. Our hope is placed on you.
Adolf Hitler -
Nope. That sounds too gay.
Mao Zedong -
Correct. It's always about the children.
Jeff Epstein -
No, but he died trying.
Joe Biden - Placing hope on children? No. Placing hands and sniffing their bloom? Always.
Give me four years to teach the children and the seed I have sown will never be uprooted.
Hillary Clinton -
Wrong. Eight years and to hell with the children!
Al Gore -
Children are bad for the planet and shouldn't exist.
Charles Manson -
He was one of the children carrying the seed.
Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez -
See Charles Manson.
Vladimir Lenin - Correct. If it weren't for their childless leaders' orders, parents would know nothing about parenting.
Capitalism and Class Warfare
Too many people have made too much money.
Karl Marx -
False. Without other people's money socialism is doomed.
Al Capone -
There's no such thing as too much money.
Hillary Clinton -
Correct. She knows exactly who made what and how much.
John Kerry -
No, but he'd like to meet their widows.
Capitalism leads us straight to hell.
Karl Marx - Wrong. Hell is a fabrication of the ruling classes to scare the oppressed away from the revolution.
Paul Krugman - See Karl Marx.
Hillary Clinton - You just don't know the meaning of hell yet.
Hugo Chavez - Correct. If capitalism is the exploitation of man by man, socialism is the other way around.
Mankind is divided into rich and poor, into property owners and exploited; and to abstract oneself from this fundamental division and from the antagonism between poor and rich means abstracting oneself from fundamental facts.
Joe Biden -
No, but he knows class envy makes a good running mate.
George Soros -
There's nothing wrong with the rich capitalists as long as they donate to anti-capitalist causes.
Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez - No, but she'd make that guy her Twitter account manager.
Joseph Stalin -
Yes. You win a permission to watch one Hollywood movie about the lives of the rich.
I certainly think the free-market has failed.
Nicolás Maduro -
No, but he is giving it his best shot.
Hillary Clinton -
Correct. But her Five Year Plan will fix that.
Karl Marx -
No, but he first noticed it 150 years ago, and the free market has been failing ever since.
Friedrich Engels -
See Karl Marx.
Capitalists are no more capable of self-sacrifice than a man is capable of lifting himself up by his own bootstraps.
Vladimir Lenin - Correct. You win a ration card for a pair of made-in-Poland boots with self-lifting bootstraps.
Hillary Clinton -
No, but a friend in need is a potential donor and land deal partner.
Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez - False. She said bootstrapping was a physical impossibility, so even talking about it was a joke.
Joe Biden -
Joe can lift himself up by his own bootstraps up to ten feet in the air. He's done it numerous times and wishes people wouldn't be running away every time he starts talking about it.
(We) can't just let business as usual go on, and that means something
has to be taken away from some people.
Don Carleone -
Not even in the bloopers.
Hillary Clinton -
Correct. One sack of potatoes a month for the middle class is more than enough.
Vladimir Lenin -
False. He'd just take everything and shoot your family.
Mao Zedong -
"Some people" in China means half a billion people.
I am convinced that the path to a new, better and possible world is not capitalism, the path is socialism.
Hugo Chavez -
Correct. Every rake deserves to be stepped on twice.
Hillary Clinton -
Nope. Never let the electorate know what you're thinking.
Adolf Hitler -
No, but his National-Socialist Workers' Party had it in their program.
Karl Marx -
Socialism is not a choice but a historical inevitability.
We can't expect the American People to jump from Capitalism to Communism, but we can assist their elected leaders in giving them small doses of Socialism, until they awaken one day to find that they have Communism.
Saul Alinsky -
No, but he'd worked on it his entire life.
Howard Zinn -
See Saul Alinsky.
Nikita Khrushchev - Correct. Welcome to the Union of Socialist States of America.
Denis Kucinich -
Why would he speak of himself in third person?
The way to crush the bourgeoisie is to grind them between the millstones of taxation and inflation.
Bernie Sanders -
No, but a man can dream.
Franklin Delano Roosevelt - False. Never do anything that can't be later blamed on Republicans.
Vladimir Lenin -
Correct. All we want is what's yours.
Paul Krugman -
See Lenin and Sanders.
It's time to send a clear message to what has become the most profitable sector in the entire economy, that they are being watched.
Don Carleone -
He'd just give them an offer they can't refuse.
Chuck Schumer -
Wrong. Not that he doesn't like to watch, though.
Vladimir Lenin -
He didn't talk about watching, he just sent the watchers. Then he sent the watchers's watchers. Then the watchers of the watchers's watchers. But watching the watchers watching the watchers's watchers is where things got a bit hairy.
Hillary Clinton -
Yes! It's not their money, it's the government's.
The unfettered free market has been the most radically destructive force in American life in the last generation.
Ethel Rosenberg -
Wrong. The most destructive force in American life was giving her orders and then transmitting the A-Bomb secrets to Moscow.
Noam Chomsky -
False. That's like admitting that the free markets hadn't always been evil.
Hillary Clinton -
Correct. We must fetter the market, find those responsible for unfettering it, and accuse the scoundrels of colluding with Russia.
Vladimir Putin -
If he believed the unfettered free market was destroying America, he'd be placing pro-unfettered-market ads on Facebook.
The untrammeled intensification of laissez-faire capitalism and the spread of market values into all areas of life, is endangering our open and democratic society.
Fidel Castro - See Kim Jong Un.
Benito Mussolini - See Fidel Castro.
Kim Jong Un -
The Democratic People's Republic of Korea is free of this laissez-faire nonsense.
George Soros -
Correct. Money taken as profit is immoral; money taken by government is the highest form of Lightworking.
There is a serious tendency toward capitalism among the well-to-do peasants.
Hillary Clinton -
False. There are no well-to-do peasants in her Village.
Nicolás Maduro -
No, but anyone who's still well-to-do is being watched.
Mao Zedong -
Correct. Socialism works best when no one is doing well.
Nancy Pelosi -
No, but really - who do those uppity peasants think they are?
The money has to go to the federal government because the federal government will spend that money better than the private sector will spend it.
Joseph Stalin -
What private sector?
Mao Zedong -
What money?
Benito Mussolini - What federal government?
Hillary Clinton -
Correct. Your money will be shared fairly among the hungry government agencies.
Life As Political Struggle
Print is the sharpest and the strongest weapon of our party.
Michael Moore -
Wrong. Hollywood celebrities are the sharpest and the strongest weapons of the party.
Bill Ayers -
Wrong. There are also tenured professors.
Jeff Zucker - Wrong. There's also CNN.
ACLU - Don't forget the activist judges.
Mark Zuckerberg - Wrong. There are also social media monopolies with censorship algorithms.
Joseph Stalin -
Correct. And he didn't limit it to the Soviet media alone.
Destroy the family, you destroy the country.
Bill Clinton -
No, and you shouldn't attack his family. Attack something he cares about instead.
Barack Obama -
False. Family members were the rungs on his ladder of success, and he din't hesitate to step on them.
Mao Zedong - No, but if you denounce your family within the next five minutes you can get a free Macy's shopping bag with a red star.
Vladimir Lenin - Correct. It's almost as if he was spawned in a wilderness, fed by ravens and clothed by spiders as she grew, meanwhile being taught to write unintelligible Marxist jargon by kookaburras, and then he altruistically wished to share with others all that he gained from having no family or home.
I will fight against the division politics of revenge and retribution.
Adolf Hitler - No, but his fight against the division politics ended with a divided Germany.
Joseph Stalin -
No, although Russia under Stalin got rid of all political division. Just ask Trotsky.
Idi Amin -
No, he settled differences with opposition at the dinner table.
Hillary Clinton - Correct. Peace is the absence of opposition to socialism. Declare political opposition an enemy of unity and claim victory.
I am particularly horrified by the use of propaganda and the manipulation of the truth and the revision of history.
Michael Moore -
Wrong. Lying about guns yields more cash than pointing a gun.
Hillary Clinton -
Correct. There's nothing more dangerous than an honest former associate.
Joseph Stalin -
Wrong. He was only appalled when it was done unprofessionally.
Joseph Goebbels -
See Stalin.
Personal
I'm quite modest. I don't want to tell people I'm a leader.
Pol Pot -
Correct. Don't ask, don't tell.
Al Gore -
False. It can only be said by someone who actually leads something.
Hillary Clinton -
False. Just ask the White House security detail.
Barack Obama -
False. Using the word "I" three times in a short phrase about modesty is below his minimum quota.
My object in life is to dethrone God and destroy capitalism.
Michael Moore -
No, but he did eat all the bread and fishes.
Barack Obama -
No, but if he were to create a position of Governmental Overall Director, progressives might finally have a G.O.D. they could believe in.
Joe Biden -
False. The closest he came to it was when he said, "All men and women created by the, go, you know, you know the thing."
Karl Marx -
Correct. Now that the Western world has become godless and socialist, it wishes Marx had also left them instructions on how to handle the Sharia law.
Why do I have to keep proving to people that I am not a liar?
Joe Biden -
He doesn't care. Reputation is no substitute for campaign cash.
Adam Schiff -
It's not a lie if truth is a variable, deduced by subtracting 'what is' from 'what ought to be.'
Al Gore -
He doesn't have to, everyone knows his Inconvenient Truth was humanity's last chance to save the Earth before it ends five years ago
Hillary Clinton -
Correct. Always trust a person wearing a pantsuit better than your own.
You were quite a bit off, weren't you? No need to explain, you're
not the first one. Just take a deep breath, then start packing warm
clothes and a shovel. The commissar will take you to the train station
with the rest of them.
© 2008 The People's Cube (ThePeoplesCube.com)