On the heels of a half-assed attempt at assassination of a Saudi official by an al-Qaeda operative who had a pound of explosives stuck up his rectum, comes this latest al-Qaeda training video.
We have obtained the full transcript.
Ass-Sahab and Purple Jihad present GET LUCKY WITH A BOMB UP YOUR BUTT Al-Qaeda Training Video
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FULL TRANSCRIPT:
Ass-Sahab and Purple Jihad present GET LUCKY WITH A BOMB UP YOUR BUTT Al-Qaeda Training Video
Are you a sexually frustrated young man? Then you've come to the right place. Hi, I am Ayman al-Zawahiri, Osama bin Laden's backdoor man. You may remember me from such instructional videos as "Five Terrific Reasons to Blow Yourself Up" and "Al Qaeda Martyrs' Excellent Retirement Plan." But today I want to talk to you about creating butt bombs.
Did you know that the word "ASS-ASS-IN" comes from the Middle East? What social loser wouldn't like to take one in the ass for Allah? Become a butt-bomber in five easy steps with this butt-stuffing video. Have your butt buddy "get you off" with a text message while you have your final orgasmic experience of a lifetime. 'Ass-ass-ination' will never feel the same again.
Al Qaeda: We shove bombs up our butts!
Step 1: Explosives.
If you have been watching my series you know how to make explosives. But because this one will go up your butt you must mix it with polymers to stiffen it up for ease of insertion, and mold it into the only shape that Allah provided to get the job done.
Make it smooth, textured, or lovingly bumpy, but make sure it is a perfect fit for you. Before you decide on the width and length, insert a vegetable, like carrot or cucumber up your bung and walk with it. Don't be afraid to play Goldilocks and try different sizes. Something too long may create the tent-pole phenomenon in the back of your pants.
When you make calculations, don't confuse the circumference with the diameter. We don't want you to become jaded and go on a mission with a defeatist attitude or with impossibly high expectations.
Step 2: Lubricants.
KY Jelly or rendered rancid sheep fat? Hmmmm... You may find that KY dries rather rapidly. Of course use rendered rancid sheep fat! That way there will be no unfamiliar smell to give you away. It will also throw off the sniffing dogs. It is safe unless the airports start fluoroscoping all travelers with Preparation H.
I knew a butt-bomber, a very sweet young man, who went for spicy cinnamon oil to avoid the bomb detectors. But they spotted him because of the squirming. The bomb was withdrawn prematurely.
Some believe that petroleum-based lubricants offer the best secondary explosion, but that is an old wife's tale. Even water-based brands contain ingredients to enhance the incendiary effect, with or without the warming sensation. Glycerin can be found in KY Jelly, Sylk, Astroglide, Probe, and Aqualube. But be careful because the sugar can encourage yeast growth. Stop using any product that causes skin irritation.
Step 3: Preparation(stop worrying and learn to love the bomb)
Find yourself a butt buddy. For starters let him send a gerbil up your bung through the cardboard tubing from a paper towel roll. It will widen your bomb-storage facility and make you accustomed to the pleasure and accept it as desirable.
Then take turns practicing with Doc Johnson Pocket Rocket. It always hits my sweet spot. But of course modern technology has created masterpieces that rotate, vibrate, thrust, jiggle, wiggle, squirt, and simply bring out a wilder side to anyone who uses them. Be creative. Some use al-Qaeda anal beads, but they're not for everybody.
When you get good at it, proceed with Allah Fisting! Show your dedication to Allah by opening up to Him! But tell your butt buddy to remove his ring.
Make it closer to field conditions by inserting a telephone set on vibrate. You'll find it fun once you get past the buttons. Or is it the other way around? It's undetectable and hands free. You can even learn to send and receive secret messages. How do you think I have avoided the CIA for so long?
The possibilities are endless! Do you see my AK 47 rifle behind my back? No? I didn't think so. It fits completely, but it takes time to pull it out. In my other videos I have bookshelves in the background. I could pull them out too. Maybe for the next video. I like to keep my Koran and Hadith handy, so to speak.
Step 4: The big O.
A wise man said, go West, young man, and blow up with the country! By all means! Stick the bomb up your butt and go! The thought of a butt bomb can be scary to some. But you will find yourself having a fun time if you follow my advice.
Think of it as a blind date. Don't be late. Check your calendar. Remember that the Ramadan Fast provides us with extra bomb storage. Cancel all appointments and keep the phone lines clear. Pray to Allah that no one will text you a random joke and your Mom doesn't call you to ask about the condition of your butt itch.
Play it safe by going off in a public place. Wear clothes that give you confidence. Carrying penis-shaped explosives in your butt can be stressful enough, so you better feel like you're at the top of your game. Choose a location that is free of mushy memories. And you don't want a spot where you might run into an old friend from school or a relative. This can make things awkward, especially if you start exchanging phone numbers. They may try to test it and send you a text message. That could be embarrassing.
Step 5: Paradise.
This is the part where you stop worrying. Your training has prepared you for an eternity of pleasures. Meet the 72 houris. Allah willing you won't be fit for any other recreational activity. There may not be any lubricants, but there sure will be plenty of sand. With your extra-wide rectum you'll be one happy martyr. Others will not be so lucky. And that is the whole point of becoming a butt bomber.
Good luck! And please support our sponsors:
Purple Jihad - Dye for Allah - Color-coded beard dye formulas. It's Just for Men! Females caught using it will be severely punished!
Sodom Tourism & Culture Society invites you to visit the ancient Arab city and explore its roots in a romantic getaway for two or more. Sodom: the backdoor entrance to the Middle East.
DISCLAIMER: Richard Gere took no part in making this video. Special thanks to Barbra Streisand for the fabulous music. (Music score: "How lucky can you get" by Barbra Streisand followed by an explosion).
"Law enforcement officials have to be lucky every time. Terrorists only need to be lucky once."
_______________ Extra vodka rations to all comrades who contributed their lines to the collective effort. You know who you are.
This is an exceptionally equal production. I would bow before the equality of it, but given the circumstances, I'm going to go for a polite wave from across the room.
While I would love to join in the Islamic tradition of glorious martyrdom, getting anything past these hemorrhoids already takes more than a half-assed attempt. Maybe further tips will be in the next training video?
Most Glorious! Most Instructional! Most Inspirational! I must learn to put my feelings aside and face the truth: Putting bombs up their butts makes them most equal. Perhaps our most worthy comrades from San Fransisco and West Hollywood can ASSist our fighting brethren in the East in packing more Bang for their Butts....
Congratulations Red Square, the Cube has finally grown beyond adolescent content to adult content. I eagerly await the arrival of geriatric content.
As for the butt bomb, wouldn't females be better equipped to do the dirty deed? I mean they could carry twice the payload. Just sayin'
And I have a great formula that solves the lubrication problem. Simply mix vaseline and potassium perchlorate until it's like bread dough and insert along with a blasting cap. The petroleum grease and potent oxidizer provide a balanced redox that detonates like ANFO.
in fact movement is critical and anything that internally cleanses the saudi royal pain and aleviates the movement of another jihaadipation is a win win situation
Excellent work, Red, very nice. Might I suggest something that I've heard about? Take an implement from Doc Johnson and take the windshield-wiper motor from an old car. Which goes back and forth. Put the two together and let the butt bomber get practice on the insertion of the butt bomb. First start out on slow intermediate, and then faster and faster. After a while Mo will have no trouble at all.
And as far as females, Sharia decrees that a woman's word is worth half of a man's word so double load would be single load. If the automated butt-bomb practice machine is used enough, the butt bomber can work up to this:
9" long
Which should be able to bring down a medium-sized office building.
Oh! An associate of mine who managed to escape Obamugabe's Socialist Peoples’ Utopia had this to add when I related the recent tactical innovation of the Al Qaida terrorist organizationfreedom fighter collective manmade disaster engineers trade union:
“What a shitty way to go...” This is perhaps the most effective laxative suppository yet developed (despite obvious side effects)! I predict that Al Zawahiri and Osama Bin Laden will win the Nobel Prize for Medicine!
Hey! It is certainly the logical extension of the The Great One’s (apuH) glorious achievement: the winning of the Nobel Peace Prize.
So, you can see… juvenile and adult content are most apropos, but there will be NO "geriatric content." It is FAR too inappropriate in this forum...we have a certain level of decorum to maintain.
You will only be issued a warning for your ThoughtCrime…. this time.
Since we've cleared this area to adult content, can I post the other spy photos from the ACORN/SEIU vanguard operation in preparation for the impending invasion of Brazil....Please? Please? Pretty Please?
I have it on good authority from a comrade in the Ministry of Peace that they are seriously considering deploying several of these Bum Bombs in a central role….they will easily be able to infiltrate the enemy ranks in Rio de Chicago.
If this is so well-received, and if time permits, we can make a series of similar al Zawahiri videos promoting various benefits of Sharia law to infidels, starting with forcing women to wear burqas and then expanding to other areas, like the dangers of rational thinking, the virtues of anti-Semitism, etc.
In fact, he can narrate our earlier People's Cube stories concerning Islamist worldview.
Excellent work comrades.
Have always wanted to know how Ass-bomb were made.
Am sure terrorist lock in prison will enjoy most informative video and will inspire them to experiment with other inmates.
Have question though. Was not mentioned how to keep contracted the sphincter ani externus to keep bomb from slipping out.
Was going to ask if this may cause problem with prostrate cancer but figured really no need if becoming ass-bombing martyr.
Please refer to diagram here: http://tinyurl.com/2yjn9j
Okay, I have no business in this discussion. After all, I am a lady, albeit a bearded one.
However, for your entertainment and enjoyment here are some Japanese women dancing to Celia Cruz's song "Mi Bomba Sono" (My Bomb Sounded Off). Lamentably, the Japanese seem to be one of the few people who appreciate salsa.
Okay, I have no business in this discussion. After all, I am a lady, albeit a bearded one.
However, for your entertainment and enjoyment here are some Japanese women dancing to Celia Cruz's song "Mi Bomba Sono" (My Bomb Sounded Off). Lamentably, the Japanese seem to be one of the few people who appreciate salsa.
Thank you for nice Cuban music done by little Japanese girls, Leninka.
Make me want move to Japan. Little Aisha girl OK for Muhammad then teenage Jap gorls must be OK for al-Kidya, no? Perhaps not. Wife like monogamous sexual relation. Besides I'm too old dance like they do and like vodka too much. Make damn fool of myself. Stupid Chechnyan a-hole wife says. Should go back to Cuba. Nothing like good cigar with Russian vodka.
Excellent work, Red, very nice. Might I suggest something that I've heard about? Take an implement from Doc Johnson and take the windshield-wiper motor from an old car. Which goes back and forth. Put the two together and let the butt bomber get practice on the insertion of the butt bomb. First start out on slow intermediate, and then faster and faster. After a while Mo will have no trouble at all.
And as far as females, Sharia decrees that a woman's word is worth half of a man's word so double load would be single load. If the automated butt-bomb practice machine is used enough, the butt bomber can work up to this:
9" long
Which should be able to bring down a medium-sized office building.
Very, verrrrry good! Windshield wiper motor that go back and forth work good.
And taper on nine inch ass missile work to keep sphincter tight so bomb not slip out during salsa dancing with teenage Japanese girls. Thankyou, thankyou, thankyou!
BTW. Teenage salsa dancing Japanes girls thank you too!
I should add that it is possible to create a "dirty bomb" version of the Butt Bomb.
Real simple. Create and ingest the recipe as follows immediatly after insertion of the Butt Bomb:
1. 24 White Castle Hamburgers (substitute Tobassco for mustard).
2. 1 Qt. Metamucil
3. 48 ex-lax® Maximum Strength stimulant laxative pills.
4. 30 oz. Baked Beans.
After ingestion of the dirty bomb ingrediants allow 48 hours prior to the detonation time for the chemicals to fester activate.
The concept is that in addition to enhancing the bombs effects upon detonation, the dirty bomb can also serve as a "backup" in case the primary Butt Bomb fails or only blows up the brainwashed loser martyr. Those surviving the effects of the dirty bomb will wish they were dead and likely commit suicide.
For those not familar with White Castle Hamburgers, or live in an area where they are not available ... Google is your friend.
Commissar Theocritus wrote
Excellent work, Red, very nice. Might I suggest something that I've heard about? Take an implement from Doc Johnson and take the windshield-wiper motor from an old car. Which goes back and forth. Put the two together and let the butt bomber get practice on the insertion of the butt bomb. First start out on slow intermediate, and then faster and faster. After a while Mo will have no trouble at all.
Commissar Theocritus,
Actually there are many high tech accessory options that can implimented with the Butt Bomb.
One question that remains unasked, and thus unanswered, is does one wear a rubber when inserting a butt bomb? Perhaps one laced with acceleratents?
I would suppose the answer to that question would depend on if the Butt Bomb had ever been installed previously and not detonated, perhaps if it was just used in training before.
YUK!!!!
Actually I think I should wear a rubber just coming here and posting in this thread.
Right, perhaps Mr. Zawahiri should've expanded a little more on the question of sharing butt bombs by al Qaeda members and what view Sharia scholars have on this subject.
The Koran does prescribe the shaving of body hair in the nether regions and gives precise instructions on that. Is this a coincidence?
Castrate, why do you think that you need a rubber to post here? Once 20 years ago I called Sona live on CNN at noon, when P. J. O'Rourke was one answering etiquette questions. He had come out with his etiquette book. I said that I was at a friend's house and when everyone had passed out from the party, he came over to me and made a pass at me. What should I do?
P.J. said, "That's when I recommend the full-body condom."
I have pondered that for a good long while, and think that the full-body condom is a good choice for any interactions between Made Progs and Comradette Nanski or Our Many Titted Empress. I love them dearly--there was never a dime that they didn't have better uses for--but have you ever been in their aura? If you want to keep your Hummels, you'll wear a full-body condom.
Comrades, I must say I am glad that the phrase "rubber" is being employed, as it is green if it's real rubber from a tree. Tapping trees isn't quite murder, but it comes close; however, it is better than a nasty chemical latex good. I think we need a Prophylactic Czar who will promote rubber rubbers or else tied-off and well-rinsed animal intestines. "Sheaths" as they were once known.
You're going to feed your accidental spawn organic anyway, so why not make the accident organic, too? Make Al Gore smile!
I denounce Infidel Castrate as not coming from Cuba but is a Jersey Boy!
Yes!
Jersey Boy!
{Progoffovich}
My spousal unit and I are big Smithereens fans. Once, back in the early 1990s (or was it late 80s?) we had front row at Metropol for a Smithereens show. We were dancing and she had her eyes closed in bliss while they were jamming White Castle Blues and then Jim Babjak put the guitar right in front of her nose. I nudged her and yelled "Open your eyes" and Jim handed her the pick and she strummed out the power chords in perfect time while he worked the frets....friggin' awesome.
We thought "White Castle" was a Steel City thing because they were all over the 'Burgh.
The Smithereens were surprised Pittsburgh was full of them too, being from Jersey. They are all closed now, but you can still get them in the freezer section at the supermarket.
Who needs AstroGlide when you got White Castle?
If you run out of White Castle, there's always Hot Pockets.
(Out-of-Karakter)
Can anyone link me to information about the real butt-bomb? I can't believe Al-Qada stoop so low to put bombs in their ass.
"That ass is a bomb" is now literal.
Castrate, why do you think that you need a rubber to post here? Once 20 years ago I called Sona live on CNN at noon, when P. J. O'Rourke was one answering etiquette questions. He had come out with his etiquette book. I said that I was at a friend's house and when everyone had passed out from the party, he came over to me and made a pass at me. What should I do?
P.J. said, "That's when I recommend the full-body condom."
I have pondered that for a good long while, and think that the full-body condom is a good choice for any interactions between Made Progs and Comradette Nanski or Our Many Titted Empress. I love them dearly--there was never a dime that they didn't have better uses for--but have you ever been in their aura? If you want to keep your Hummels, you'll wear a full-body condom.
My spousal unit and I are big Smithereens fans. Once, back in the early 1990s (or was it late 80s?) we had front row at Metropol for a Smithereens show. We were dancing and she had her eyes closed in bliss while they were jamming White Castle Blues and then Jim Babjak put the guitar right in front of her nose. I nudged her and yelled "Open your eyes" and Jim handed her the pick and she strummed out the power chords in perfect time while he worked the frets....friggin' awesome.
We thought "White Castle" was a Steel City thing because they were all over the 'Burgh.
The Smithereens were surprised Pittsburgh was full of them too, being from Jersey. They are all closed now, but you can still get them in the freezer section at the supermarket.
Who needs AstroGlide when you got White Castle?
If you run out of White Castle, there's always Hot Pockets.
Yes those sliders will certainly suffice for AstroGlide. As most progressive youth understand White Castle is likely the only place open after the bars close down ... especially in seedy progressive neighborhoods.
Here in Texas we have Whataburger. Extra mustard and onions and you can ask to have the onions and jalapenos grilled for you.
And I'm getting the willies over your full-body condom. Isn't that rubber just a little bit big for the man? The only place he could go with that would be to our Many Titted Empress.
Actually I think that substance that is to be swallowed ... it should be saved and collected as an alternate to AstroGlidetm, if there are no White Castle franchises around.
I do find your question to be most interesting however, so I emailed to the experts. I will let you know their reply.
Here in Texas we have Whataburger. Extra mustard and onions and you can ask to have the onions and jalapenos grilled for you.
And I'm getting the willies over your full-body condom. Isn't that rubber just a little bit big for the man? The only place he could go with that would be to our Many Titted Empress.
Yes, perhaps it is too big for "the man", even a bit large for the Great Castratetm whom is legendary.
I did almost approach fulfilling the potential of the body condom though, those ButtBomb accessories I linked to ... I tried the RS232 interface model with audio input, I was using the Messiahs inaugural speech as the audio input stimulation, and just as he was shouting "Yes we Can" "Yes We Can" I was nearing my socialist euphoria ... then all of a sudden my PC locked up and I could not complete my mission. Bad PC peripheral driver or something I guess.
I tried the RS232 interface model with audio input, I was using the Messiahs inaugural speech as the audio input stimulation, and just as he was shouting "Yes we Can" "Yes We Can" I was nearing my socialist euphoria ... then all of a sudden my PC locked up and I could not complete my mission
It's so hard. I too have been near nirvana, listening to the dulcet tones of Dear O'Leader. I don't care what he's saying--which means that I could get a job with the MSM--I just am in love with the sound of him saying things. And it's a good deal easier not to worry about what he's saying because if I did I'd have to figure out that he is nothing more than a hand puppet for his TelePrompTer and Rahm Emanuel.
And what he says doesn't matter. If Charlie Gibson and Brian Williams and the Couric Head don't care about anything but their paychecks and preening and posturing before a camera, why should I care about anything? It's not like that there was anything to care about, is it? After all AmeriKKKa is just a pimple on the road to that perfect totalitarian state that dear Nansky and Barry O want so much. So I'll just squirm with pleasure as I try to be the best little Made Progressive on earth.
"Im here today, with a very special guest. I can't tell you how much he has inspired me, and we have brought in students from Miss Robinson's 4th grade class in Chicaco, because I know he will be an inspiration to them, too. Children, I want you to pay close attention to Theocritus. No one is more dedicated to our president than he. Welcome, Theocritus."
"Thank you."
"Tell us how you came to be a Butt Bomber for the president . . ."
Aha-aha-ha-ha-ha!!! This greatest Peopre's Cube thread ever! You got me raughing so hard my sides are spritting. Stop, stop or I have you arr shot! Aha-hahaha!
Those sirry Isramic terrorists, shoving sticks of dynamite up where sun don't shine and browing themserves up. Puts a new spin on being anarry-retentive, doesn't it? Of course, in my Peopre's Paradise, my Grorious Father Kim Il Sung had arr rerigious peopres shot decades ago so we no have to worry about our disgruntred popuration trying to brow me up. My Grorious Father was smart man; he kept popuration shit-scared, not browing up shit.
[OFF CHARACTER] I have always said that Islam is a devil-worshiping gutter "religion" that's full of shit. Looks like Ass-Dynamite proves it.[CHARACTER ON]
I just dust off my ord poriticar science book from my Pori-Sci crasses I took in 60's when I was enrorred at Patrice Rumumba University in Moscow, Union of Soviet Sociarist Repubrics.
I remember one crass in particurar: Tinfoir Hat Conspiracy Carcurations & Formuras. Here goes....
Ass Dynamite = Isramic Fascist Terrorists = Jimmy JJ Warker aka "Mr Dyn-o-mite!" = brack person = Barack person = brack person = Nober Peace Prize = reft-wing riberar prize committee = funded by Nober Dynamite Corp
UPDATE: I just came up with a new caption for the lead image which I think is funnier. How could I have missed this angle before?
WARNING: If a stranger approaches you in a public place and asks you to pull his finger, don't do it!
On a different note, I have a question:
If the airport screeners should be on the lookout for someone with a constipated look on his face, would that be considered profiling? Or should they still be checking anal cavities randomly in all passengers by drawing their seat number from the hat?
If the airport screeners should be on the lookout for someone with a constipated look on his face, would that be considered profiling? Or should they still be checking anal cavities randomly in all passengers by drawing their seat number from the hat?
I think the airport drug-sniffing dogs could be re-trained. Shouldn't cause too much delay for travelers, when you are told to remove your shoes just drop your drawers at the same time and the dogs can screen out any bombers ... In lieu of that I found a qualified doctor.
Red Square - tovarisch, my secret underground bunker is arready turning out compretery trained sniffer dogs to defend Motherrand in case Chinese Uighur peopres with Isramic Fascist terrorist decide to pour across my borders.
They wirr sniff out any Crass Enemies and defend the Peopre's Revorution!
Here in Texas we have Whataburger. Extra mustard and onions and you can ask to have the onions and jalapenos grilled for you.
And I'm getting the willies over your full-body condom. Isn't that rubber just a little bit big for the man? The only place he could go with that would be to our Many Titted Empress.
Commissar Theocritus,
Seems there is breaking news coming in, it appears that Chechen rebels were able to substitute an improvised version of the Butt Bomb into our Many Titted Empress luggage during her Moscow trip. They found her Instrument Of Pleasuretm and after studying the blueprints for the device, they were able to create a identical version outfitted with a bomb and substitute it.
The plot appears to have been foiled, however, the conspirators were read their rights and of course they immediatly confessed. It was revealed that the plot was to detonate the bomb during a scheduled sexual encounter briefing with his O'liness.
Now in addition to anal searches at the airport, all woman will now be subjected to a dual cavity search.
Betinov - I think it's "Weapons of Ass Destruction" because I've seen a dirty bomb and that, sir, ain't no dirty bomb.
On a related note, don't you think that it's high time the EPA forbids pull-my-finger jokes because they contribute to greenhouse pollution and climate change?
I think Congress should pass a special law and environmental activists should put pressure on the communities to stop pulling fingers in the name of saving the planet.
When I have time I should make a special propaganda poster about that. The environmentalist idea that human activities cause global warming is pretty much the same as the idea that pulling a finger leads to flatulence.
Red Square - tovarisch, my secret underground bunker is arready turning out compretery trained sniffer dogs to defend Motherrand in case Chinese Uighur peopres with Isramic Fascist terrorist decide to pour across my borders.
They wirr sniff out any Crass Enemies and defend the Peopre's Revorution!
Kim Jong Irrin'
(end transmission)
Comrade Kim Jong Irrin,
Seems you struggle a bit with English. I recall a rumor that there used to be a Korean lady working for our honorable Colonel 7.62, (Commisar of Timetm). Rumor also is that the Peoples Center For English As A Second Languagetm was able to help her.
Question: is a Certified Master C'ockmaker qualified to manufacture exploding c'ocks for Al-qaeda? one certainly could imagine the skillset required for "installation"
Nitrous oxide? A non-hybrid/non-pedal/non-foot-sole motorhead in our midst? Perish the thought! Or maybe you've been bustin' Whip-Its (if those haven't been banned yet)?
Nitrous oxide? A non-hybrid/non-pedal/non-foot-sole motorhead in our midst? Perish the thought! Or maybe you've been bustin' Whip-Its (if those haven't been banned yet)?
Actually the Nitrous is not to propel my vehicle ... it is to propel me.
I believe that nitrous oxide is lined up to be banned in the Cap and Trade legislation, but don't quote me, and, of course, it hasn't been passed into law as of yet.
I believe that nitrous oxide is lined up to be banned in the Cap and Trade legislation, but don't quote me, and, of course, it hasn't been passed into law as of yet.
http://www.mondaq.com/article.asp?articleid=87596
They'll have to pry my nitrous tank from my cold dead fingers.
I suspect that donkey is wishing it had access to nitrous or at least "Rush," or whatever that noxious chemical stench crud in porn shops is sold under. It was rumored to assist backdoor entry, but I only knew it as a cheap buzz (and not worth it). The guys that huffed it in school (often from a jacket's inside pocket) probably huffed ScotchGuard too and 'tussed up (Robitussin, that is).
Does this video disprove Theo van Gogh's appellation for Islamists, or does it reveal them as the closet equal opportunity enthusiasts we know they are?
Comrade Infidel Castrate,
It must be confessed that a few times I had to pry my own soon-to-be-temporarily-deadened fingers from the frozen stem of a thick balloon catching the nitrous blasting in from a cracked Whip-It canister pierced by a screw-together brass gadget (plastic gave too quick and aluminum stripped too fast).
Does this video disprove Theo van Gogh's appellation for Islamists, or does it reveal them as the closet equal opportunity enthusiasts we know they are?
Prog Off
I keep having "visuals" of that donkey video .. imagine during the early part of the first Iraq war or the 2nd war, where they were showing all the "shock and awe" on CNN. I remember the video coverage where they would show the weapons system camera zoom in then acquire the target and destroy it.
Remember the night vision was so good there was one video where they showed a guy running away just in the nick of time before the "smart weapon" destroyed it's target?
Anyway, I can just visualize Wolf Blitzer giving commentary on this video if it was in the middle of a "shock and awe" campaign. Maybe with Gen. Colin Powell providing the technical commentary as well.
Comrade Castrate and the rest of you capitarist roaders making fun of Korean pronunciation of crock, I have you arr SHOT!! I wirr not torerate insubordination!
Besides, arr the ensraved bitches preasure radies from Demokratik Peopre's Repubrik of Korea Srave Rabor Kamp #T89-JK Super Happy Fun Time Resort say their nickname for my big, manry ji-ji is Mr Beefy™. I going to carr up my buddy, Chinese autocratic thug premier Hu Jintao and demand he make his Farun Gong Dissidents Srave Rabor Kamp Peopre's Sex Toy Factory in Quanghxzi Province begin making Mr Beefy™ sex toys morded from my own junk and start marketing it to mind-numbed remmings Progressive ho's & bitches around the entire pranet.
I bet sares of my Mr Beefy™ Sex Toy get extra boost from such eritist shits Progressive ruminaries as Bawney Fwank, Anderson Cooper, Barack Hussein Obama, Hirrary Crinton, Rindsey Graham, Orca Winfrey, Merissa Etheridge, Janeane Garofaro, Birr Maher, Micherre Obama, Raul Castro, Susan Sarandon, Roman Poranski, Orympia Snowe, Nancy Perosi, Harry Reid, Chuck Schumer, Gerry Studds, George Soros, and most of arr Rahm Emmanuer.
I can just visualize Wolf Blitzer giving commentary on this video if it was in the middle of a "shock and awe" campaign. Maybe with Gen. Colin Powell providing the technical commentary as well.
{prog off}
I think Comrade Bullshitzer would give half-ass commentary.
Hey, bad puns are still allowed in the new utopia, yes?
{prog on}
Thank you for reminding me. I terr my guards you no get shot........today.
Of course, I shourd have remembered to incrude Ben Affreck and MAATTT DAAMMMONNNN. I arso forgot Arec Bardwin.
Hey, it not easy running a Communist dictator dynasty. I had big shoes to firr from my Grorious Father Kim Ir Sung and I trying to set up my son, Kim Chi Snak to take over ruthress thug dynasty when I die, and rike Communist Utopia, wither away.
We've forgotten Johnny Depp, who promised us if the Bu$hitler were elected he'd flee the country. And he hasn't. What about Susan Saranwrap? Janeane Gawdawfulo is an actress, isn't she? Well, she's not very good at acting (1) human or (2) female but she's an actress, isn't she?
I don't know how the timing works on Monsieur Depp, but he did move to France (his (then?) wife was French). Not many months later the "youths" began torching cars and he apparently decided maybe Bu$hitler wasn't so bad after all, because he moved back to the US.
Personally, I'd like them all to move to, oh, Bangladesh. Very poor, very ethnic, very Muslim, very green, very doomed-by-polar-melting-and-rising-seas, very full of very nasty diseases, very poor. But I freely admit every expat Bangladeshi I have met has been a fascinating and friendly person.
I think the airport drug-sniffing dogs could be re-trained. Shouldn't cause too much delay for travelers, when you are told to remove your shoes just drop your drawers at the same time and the dogs can screen out any bombers ... In lieu of that I found a qualified doctor...
Is this the same doctor who made uneven nipples after a breast implant in Mexico? And who is soon going to be Obama's Surgeon General?
Tovarich, I think that we can sell it in the waiting room of Jiffy-Lobo. Or the recovery room. After all Jiffy-Lobo is perhaps the only concern on earth where the post-op waiting room can move more product than the waiting room itself.
I like the waiting room option: It's a great way to handle those rare cases where Jiffy-Lobo doesn't succeed. Jihad-o'-Me would thus eliminate potential malpractice litigation.
The uncontested absurdities of today are the accepted slogans
of tomorrow. They come to be accepted by degrees, by precedent,
by implication, by erosion, by default, by dint of constant
pressure on one side and constant retreat on the other -
until the day when they are suddenly declared to be the country's
official ideology. ~ Ayn Rand
Write down this number and report to your Kommissar at the nearest railroad station.
Don't forget warm clothes and a shovel!
NY Times, Newsweek offer editorial inoculations to concerned readers of Sarah Palin's book
Going Rogue: FEMA braces for massive outbreaks of Palin Derangement Syndrome
Following Fort Hood tragedy, Obama declares all military bases gun-free zones
Pelosi: we won.
Philies: so did we
Study: Global Warming linked to consumption of beans and beef patties
Pro-Obama gamers discover 'cheat codes' in U.S. Constitution
Police trained in using end of life counselingtechniques to negotiate suicide threats
Obama commits more troops to War on Fox News, still awaiting Afghan troop surge
Pass Rush: NFL okays Fidel Castro's bid to buy Miami Dolphins
Study: the road to hell paved with Nobel Peace Prizes
Obama wins Nobel Peace Prize. Wishing all our readers a Happy April First!
Roman Polanski named new School Safety Czar in wake of Jennings scandal
Charles Manson: 'Leave Polanski alone, hasn't he suffered enough?'
Obama loses Olympic bid, will try for Special Olympics next
Carter: if the IOC doesn't give the Olympics to Chicago, they're racists
Saudis: the word 'assassina- tion' will never be the same
Al Qaeda: 'We shove bombs up our butts'
Richard Gere denies Al Qaeda membership
Experts: assassin hid bomb in anal cavity adjacent to brain
Study: 90% of G20 protestors driven to Pittsburgh by mom
Ahmadinejad: Iran needs enriched uranium to purchase large IKEA sofa
Obama: If we don't bomb Iran now, we'll never pass healthcare reform
Taliban hires DC lobbyist in effort to get Obama's attention
Missile defense: Czechs angry at Obama for being canceled
Media study: Caucasian toddlers are more likely to cut eye-holes into "blankies"
Democrat strategist: 9 out of 10 white infants prefer cross burning over mother's milk
Mahmoud’s Liquidation Warehouse: 50% off Israel - this weekend only - it won’t last long
Obama: Black kids still forced to beat people up at back
of bus
Charlie Gibson: Neil Armstrong went where?
Obamacare, it’s finger-licking good!
Ben and Jerry release 'Hate Monger Bigot' flavor to celebrate those who support traditional marriage
'Shiver me Timbers!': Somalia unveils People's Institute for Redistribution, Adventurism & Thalassic Extortion (PIRATE)
Energy Czar: to save energy, the light at the end of the tunnel will be turned off
Other 49 states impose carbon tax on California due to wildfire smoke
Following Scotland's lead, US Justice Dept releases Charles Manson, citing battle with chronic hemorrhoids
Obama to media: Please respect our girls' privacy, especially Mr. Letterman
Teachable moment: Obama to hold 'beer summit' between offended Post Office and UPS
Taliban sends protesters to Afghan town hall meetings in attempt to get Obama administration to withdraw Gotham villains working for the Common Good™
White House recalibrates description of town hall protesters from 'terrorists' to 'man-made Nazi fascist pigs'
Experts: when buying Astroturf, remember to look for the Union LabelNational-socialist health care?
Drudge insulates self from White House anger by naming his site MoveOn.Drudge
ABC greenlights epic 12-part miniseries based on Beer Summit
Moveon.org petitions Dems to leave Bush/Cheney alone and 'move on to pressing issues facing the nation'
Palin: Critics ipso facto are quitters
Honduran ex-president Zelaya holds press- conference, presents birth certificate for examination
Cambridge: fighting racial bias, Obama picks black scholar Henry Louis Gates as Door Jigging Czar
Obama: white cop acted like inexperienced rookie, but being one I may be biased
On the international front: Obama brings back Cold War, switches sides
Signs of recovery: WH study finds number of searches for 'economic depression' on Google lower than it could have been under FDR
Obama inherited broken teleprompter from George W Bush
Zelaya: we support the democratically-elected President of the USA, even though he has strongly opposed American policies
Eco group 'Earth First' protests burying non- biodegradeable body of Michael Jackson under the ground
Study: Media orgasm over Michael Jackson's death oddly appropriate
SPONSORED BY:
Secretary of the Interior vows to turn Neverland Ranch into 'King of Pop' National Monument
Riots in Iran: Obama invokes Starfleet Prime Directive - non-interference with social development of native planet even at the cost of own life
Obama hurts a fly, forgets to read Miranda rights
ACLU: fly murder by slapping unconstitutional
Obama mistakes Inspector General for a private CEO, orders him to resign
DHS simplifies procedures, cuts learning curve, renames all terrorism 'right-wing'
Earth may collide with Venus in 3.5 billion years. We must act NOW!!!
CBS study: statutory rape jokes not as hilarious as previously thought
White House tree commits suicide over economic policy
Obama: 'I inherited this tree from George W. Bush'
Obama to economy: 'make like a tree and collapse'
In Cairo, Obama promotes shovel-ready projects for Muslim communities
Obama's comment linking Islam to algebra sets off anti-Islam riots in US inner-city schools
Keith Olbermann rises to #1 on Larry Craig's 'Top ten liberals I'd like to sodomize' list
Ahmadinejad hands out potatoes to corner Irish-Iranian vote
Lady Justice undergoes extreme makeover on TV, becomes sexier, more empathetic, less blind visit our new Che Heart store
Obama: "We must work to rid the world of nuclear weapons and of Israel too while we're at it"
Obama to impose a cap on temperatures for patients in government-subsidized hospitals
Brady Campaign to Prevent Cereal Violence applauds gov't crackdown on cheerios, calls for registration of cereal bowls
Obama's rich supporters chagrined to find he's a class worrior and not the cynical hypocrite they'd counted on
Congress nationalizes DeBeers, changes marketing slogan to 'government programs are forever'
Sen. Specter: 'we could be energy-independent by now if Republicans invested in eternal engine research'
Kentucky Derby winner admits to having no specific strategy: I just kept repeating 'hope' and 'change' and I won... wow!
Never waste a good crisis: Obama uses swine flu epidemic to put a mask on Joe Biden
Study: exposure to pork- barrel projects heightens risk of catching swine flu
Islamic scholars green-light use of government pork by Muslim groups: 'not haram'
DHS Napolitano's preferred man-made disaster color warnings: chocolate, vanilla, strawberryDow Jones rally prompted by record sales of tea bags on April 15
WH: Obama's handshake with Saudi King looked like a bow as King Abdullah's arms are twice as long as human arms but atrophy prevents useDHS tip on spotting a right- wing extremist: watch out for the one carrying a paycheck
Opposed to teabagging, Pelosi accepts motion to expel Congressperson Barney Frank
Spring cleaning tip: don't forget to change your scientific consensus from winter setting "climate change" to summer setting "global warming"
Obama uses old Bush-era teleprompter for Baghdad speech
Segway and GM launch a 2-wheeled contraceptive
Obama's stern reaction to North Korea missile launch: "I'm tellin'!"Lenin laughs ass off over crisis in capitalism Scientists: Lenin statue expelled no harmful gases, only dialectical materialism Obama gives Queen a shovel click here NBC: We are all Special Olympians now, especially Olbermann
Obama's teleprompter caught moonlighting as AmEx spokesperson: 'Don’t leave home without it'
click here for the story Alabama gunman was trying to 'be more like Europeans' After shootings, EU threatens potential mass murderes with increased paperwork and red tape Oil prices rising; most viable solution is blame Limbaugh Obama to bring Cuba in from the cold; political prisoners to remain outside Healthcare crisis: Planned Parenthood forced to offer 2 abortions for the price of 1; 50% off if you refer a friend Hillary presents Russian Foreign Minister Lavrov with the People's Cube CLICK HERE FOR THE STORY Obama's Reaganesque address: "I've just declared peace on the Soviet Union. The bonging will start in five minutes" Satellite launched to confirm global warming: finds none, crashes in Antarctica in protest Al-Qaeda founder discovers DNC playbook, attacks own side in war an terror Obama to slash deficit after increase; firefighters to quench house after setting fire to it
Treasury Dept buys Monopoly board game for policy advice Democrats pay back their constituents, save faltering squeegee businesses from collapsing
Muslim group offended by pork hidden in stimulus package, threatens revenge Obama appoints guilt czar to oversee fair distribution of guilt among all Americans Size matters: stimulus package so big it won't even fit on Drudge No help from Obama to storm-ravaged Kentucky; officials consider renaming state to New Orleans in effort to get attention Politico: volcano trouble in Alaska a result of Palin's policies MoveOn adopts Bush's cowboy diplomacy: 'You're either with Obama or Rush' Obama urges liberals to start listening to Rush Limbaugh: 'all too often we start by dictating on issues and don't always know all the factors involved. So let's listen.' More bad economic news: area antiwar group lays off its bumper sticker makers Dissent no longer patriotic: Obama Reminder to Hollywood celebrities: must change 'patriotic' setting from 'hate America' to 'love America' on Jan. 20 Obama promises to Photoshop a better future for America You won't be told lies if you don't ask questions: Obama's new media policy Personals: senate seats available in NY & Il. Hardly ever used. Cash OK. Change we can believe in: Clinton 1990s staffers Somali pirates hijack international space station Starting with 11/5/08, the cor- rect progressive greeting in America is "Barack Obama!" The reply is "Obama Barack!" Laika the Space Dog consi- dered for new White House pet: "Thoroughly vetted by Bill Ayers" CHANGE: President-elect Obama crushes Yankee imperialism in a landslide
Seven Obama cousins found living in voting boothUS choppers attack ACORN voter registration center in Syria US military: We decided to strike now because this time next year we’ll be a Peace Keeping force Biden predicts severe test for Obama in first six months: another question from Joe the Plumber Obama: Let he who is without wealth cash the first check! Joe Biden: work is a four-letter word
FBI investigates Mickey Mouse Club for voter fraud Embarrassed ACORN accidentally registers 'Ronald Reagan' Kids' hymns to Obama a success of Democrat strategy: If you can't abort them, indoctrinate them World to USA: 'Fix world ecomonic crisis so we can get back to hating you' Obama's campaign invites opponents to play 'Truth or Jail' Biden: Hoover text-messaged Americans to calm fears during 1929 crashDead support Obama, all are registered to vote by ACORN Biden calls taxes patriotic Study: Jesus spoke without a telepromter Obama promises free lipstic for everybody if elected KARAOKE: These Are The Jerks We Call Journalists Obama's negotiations with Gustav prove fruitful; storm spares "French Quarter" Feminist group: Sarah Palin worst mother since June Cleaver; decried as "too feminine" Obama: leave Bristol alone, she has been punished enough with a baby Putin shoots tiger with Polonium-laced dart Obama: ready from day one to place a call to UN if a US city is nuked Cult of personality at the People's Cube is up 90% compared to previous Five-Year Plan Congress established windfall tax on US gold medals International Olympic Committee to redistribute Phelp's ill-gotten golds to less fortunate athletes Obama beats Hillary to coveted CPUSA endorsement February 2050 declared White History Month. Future headlines expected to read "Minorities hardest hit... and deservedly so." Obama denounces Russia's actions; humbled Russia sends self to Gulag US trade deficit dropped; NYT instructs readers to turn paper upside down for more favorable view of graph Sharpton protests disproportionate deaths of Bernie Mac and Isaac Hayes, calls for immediate deaths of David Letterman and Billy Joel to even score Science to unveil invisible cloak; Conservative White Christian male in NJ says he's been invisible for years NYT: Russia's invasion of Georgia leaves much smaller carbon footprint than US invasion of Iraq Larry the Cable Guy issues call to "man the pick up trucks" as Russia invades Georgia Edwards claims he was having affair with camera, didn't notice woman attached Chavez's parents cut off Hugo's credit card after Moscow shopping binge Oil industry to Pelosi: You've been given a brain. Use it or lose it. Congress to declare July 19th International Swimmers' Day
How many superdelegates does it take to change a lightbulb? Photoshopped Iranian missile saves 25% on Islamic Republic's carbon footprint
Word of the day: HUSSIES n. Female Obama supporters changing their middle names to HusseinObama: we have always been at peace with Hillary ClintonGrand Rapids Mayor George Heartwell vows city will be "vanilla" when rebuilt Media grows impatient with Iowa's lack of flood-related rapes and pillaging: Why can't they be more like New Orleans? CNN investigates Iowans caught blowing FEMA debit cards at Tractor Supply Company Obama: WTC problem ended on 9/11, Pentagon still a problemHillary supporters organize against Obama Janet Reno congratulates Elian Gonzalez on joining Cuba's Young Communists
Dick Durbin denies that being Hell's spokesperson and moonlighting as a Democrat Senator presents a conflict of interest Flooding in Iowa causes typical white people to turn bitter and cling to evacuation procedures Democrat energy policy: let them eat cake Monica Lewinsky endorses Obama: 'This is not the Bill Clinton I knew' NASA unveils 'ass-crack' space suit for plumbing repairs at int'l space station Dead people at Obama's rally identified as a renegade splinter group of Hillary's 'invisible Americans' Howard Dean: dead people will vote Democrat no matter who gets the nomination Mainstream media silent on increased attacks on US troops by mainstream media Sen. Kennedy under treatment. Mary Jo still dead Muanmar drafts Mayor Nagin and Gov. Blanco to help with cyclone clean up New Orleans Mayor sends school buses to Myanmar As Darfur violence surges, world vows not to give a crap unless the US gets involved Chinese citizens crushed by bricks and rubble; tanks have day off
Friendly fire: BBC office hit by al-Qaeda rocket Al Gore knows what caused Burma cyclone but won't say it International community promises to suspend anti- Americanism until after American aid reaches Burma Mainstream media saddened that Austrian pedophile isn't a Catholic priest, a Baptist minister, or a GOP senator
North Korea's nuclear technicians protest outsourcing jobs to Syria Earth Day: save the planet, starve the children! Focus group: if water boarding was a sexual preference, they'd be teaching it in public schools Study: Wall Street losses unfairly target the rich Mixed month for MTV: teen pregnancy drops, however STDs are on the rise Obama pledges to give every typical small town family a possum sandwich Delays at American Airlines: a sneak peak into proposed government healthcare Stop and smell the Sharpies Obama: baby is punishment; tax increase is bundle of joy Media: this year's Global Bad News Awareness week to overlap with International Good News Obliviousness month NPR journalists go on truckers-style protest over high price of lattes Most popular April Fools joke: "A Democrat president won't raise taxes" Obama denounced extreme statements in Osama's new tape but urged voters to listen to the entire message before making judgment Obama's speech calls for change in stereotyping "the typical White person" Spitzer denies applying hardball tactics in front of bathroom mirror and threatening to come after himself New York State House retires Spitzer's #9 jersey KKK endorses Harvard's gym segregation policy: 'Blacks and Jews are next' London quake caused by SUV, now impounded by Scotland Yard Hillary's healthcare plan to include smelling salts for Obama's supporters and mandatory amputation of Chris Matthews' leg USMail Service to publish Obama's resume on new stamp Obama: one man's plagiarism is another man's audacity Candidate Barry O'Bama to court Irish vote Berkeley ousting US Marines gives hope to al Qaeda: 'If hippies can do it, so can we!' Berkley builds wall around self; man trying to flee 'Peace Sanctuary City' shot at checkpoint John McCain apologizes for going to Vietnam, earns Jane Fonda's endorsement To avoid scorn and ridicule, Tom Cruise converts to Islam NY Times: Backward, close-minded, inbred southern hicks vote for Obama NY Times: All the news that's fit to pimp Dems offer first female for President, first Black for President, first pretty pony for Attorney General Brokeback Mountain loses climber NASA's Spirit Rover finds Dennis Kucinich campaign on MarsLas Vegas: candidates offer plans to bail out flustered gamblers Feds: subprime borrowers' relief package to include subprime rib Silence in Cuba: Castro too ill to speak in public, Cubans too afraid to speak Dems adopt old British "don't mention the war" strategy for '08 campaign Obama's 'Take a penny, leave a penny' economic plan sparks new hope Obama's campaign hires homeless people to talk about change on street corners Panhandlers Union endorses Obama's plan for change Al Gore's children receive carbon credits for Winter Solstice Holiday Democrats call for troop surge in the War on Bush Murtha: if we quit now, capitalism will win Pelosi declares she likes class war, pledges to stay the course Expert blames Republicans for not attacking all Democrat candidates equally High school Meth teacher starts new class Holy Mitt! Violence in Iraq down 60%; media stories reporting this down 6000% Imus covers all bases by hiring undocumented-Black- Jewish-homeless- transgendered-vegan- disabled-obese-Kartina- victim as a sidekick Poll: most Muslims find curvature of Riemannian manifolds offensive "How The Grinch Redistributed Winter Solstice" opens on Broadway Left-wing bloggers hold vigil hoping suspect is connected to GOP candidate Hostage situation expected to be politicized in the next 20 minutes "Mall security" takes over operations in Baghdad New study suggests that 1 US gallon of Latte is 170 times more expensive than 1 US gallon of Regular gasoline. Al Gore sterilizes self to protect planet: 'Having children is selfish' NY Times: some news is fitter to print than others Study: most Americans will be worried about economy if told so often enough Musharraf changes name to Chavez to avoid being called "dictator" by MSM and Democrats in US Congress Media changes old adage "no news is good news" to "no good news is news" US Congress extends hurricane season until the first Sunday in November Lack of bad news from Iraq causes media recession. Women and minority journalists hardest hit. LA Times drops term "wild" describing fire, uses "undocumented" fire instead USA Today: big fires are getting bigger, small fires are getting smaller Reid: Global Warming caused fire by overheating arsonist's head, provoking delusional paranoia MoveOn.org pressures Congress to stop fighting fire and bring firemen home Reid: The war on fire is lost Pelosi: The number of fires has gone up since we started fighting fire Kerry: If you don't do well in school you'll get stuck fighting fire in California NY Times: Fighting fire creates even more fires Harry Reid auctions clothes, furniture, car on eBay in effort to make millions off his name. "If Limbaugh can do it so can I." No takers so far. Princess Leia Organa presents the Alderaanian Medal of Honor to Al Gore Did Che Guevara descend from Prophet Mohammed? San Andreas Fault in California preemptively renamed George Bush's Fault Media Matters editor blows self up over Limbaugh's 'bomber' remark End of Ramadan brings new rioting season to France Harry Reid bangs shoe on table: "We will bury you!" Dutch follow Ahmadinejad's lead, declare "there are no dykes in Holland" Ahmadinejad to Amerika: "Don't tase me, bro!" Bomb Girl and Taser Boy sell rights to their characters to Marvel Comics Cindy Sheehan hires Bomb Girl and Taser Boy as image consultants CBS stands by firing of Dan Rather: "He couldn't tell our logo from a hole in the ground" Jessie Jackson on Obama: "too White." Obama on Jackson: "I'm a smoke dat biatch if I see him"
Tasered victim at John Kerry's speech to receive Purple Heart Mugabe blames Zimbabwe's meltdown on Global Warming To stomp out possible confusion, MSM changes spelling of Obama to Ubama Craving acceptance from liberals, General Petraeus gains 300lbs and debuts report at Cannes. George Soros stops funding Democrats, converts to Islam Edwards: 41% of American children don't have lawyers John Edwards proposes "single payer" trial lawyer insurance for all, mandatory pre-jurisprudence care Illegal aliens kill people Americans won't killDemocrats select 2008 presidential slogan: "Death to America" Larry "Happy Feet" Craig uses Michael Flatley's Riverdance defense "Americans Coming Together" admit they had timing issues Presbyterian clergy issue fatwah calling for Pope's deathNew Jersey teen cracked iPhone with his face Vick awaits doggie-style welcome in prison Rock star behaves like rap star: huge media outcry China's recall of defective Daily Kos bloggers causes suicides among Democrat strategists Al Gore to recall the Internet Media declares September National Bridge Awareness Month First New Orleans, now Minnesota: Anderson Cooper travels up the Mississippi without a paddle Ray Nagin pledges to build a chocolate bridge instead William Jefferson spotted under collapsed bridge retrieving mystery package Cannibalism, rape, looting, republicanism rampant in Minneapolis Lindsay Lohan to enter astronaut training program Nigeria's plan to nationalize local spam industry sparks massive riots in Lagos
Democrat Congress's two major victories: minimum wage increase and al-Qaeda's restored operating capability London Mayor Livingston mandates Sharia law at nightclubs to prevent further bombings Taliban spokesman blames media bias as civilian deaths from US air strikes grab headlines: "Taliban has murdered thousands of civilians and we can't even get mentioned on Countdown with Olbermann. What gives?"Back alley massage parlors now offering "better ending than Sopranos" Bush to close Gitmo, detainees released into Mexican custody to be put on fast track to US citizenship
Study: Dan rather still unable to tell the difference between Paris Hilton and Katie Couric Civil war in Gaza: if it's not in Iraq why report it? US media increasingly impatient at lack of civil war in IraqUS Embassy in Syria warns of sex attacks. So how long will Bill be visiting for? Delighted Dems: "The surge has failed!"MSM spokesman: There are no civil war clashes in Gaza! Palestinians still wonder why their real civil war can't knock Iraq "civil war" off the front page As Albanians welcome Bush and show love for USA, NY Times offers them free subscriptions to "solve problem" Paris gets out of jail faster than an illegal immigrant Socialist utopia takes foothold in Venezuela as water cannons salute victory Pelosi: "I've seen climate change." John Fogerty of CCR also wants to know "if she's ever seen rain" Democrats call for troop withdrawal from Jersey Harry Reid: "Troop presence in New Jersey creating more terrorists" French riot police deployed as open minded, tolerant socialists expected to react to election results Progressives concerned with Sarkozy's "extremist agenda " of rule of law and assimilation to French culture Dems: War needs deadline; only social policies can run indefinitely Sheryl Crow to wipe out global warming one butt at a time Va Tech lessons for MSM: must ban guns, rich kids ACLU calls for calm, fears backlash against innocent gun owners: 'all gun owners aren't terrorists' Liberal groups join gun tolerance and awareness workshops Gun owners converting to Islam in droves to ward off profiling Sharp jump in number of 'non-decapitated' babies following Supreme Court decision Sharpton makes a list of 57 Don Imus sympathizers on public airwaves Al Gore and John Kerry agree: people who live in greenhouses should not expel noxious gases Al Gore hired by K-Y to pro- mote Global Warming Jelly New study shows Earth's 'fever' contagious; Mars asks planets to kick 'Greenhouse Mary' out of solar system Schumer demands Karl Rove be indicted on 1976 parking ticket Al Qaeda reacts to Schumer attack: "Thank Allah we're not Republicans!" Dems: Khalid Sheik Mohamed just watched too many episodes of 24 and made all that stuff in his confession up Fitzgerald to prosecute Ann Coulter for disclosing identity of presidential candidate John Edwards Following Scooter Libby success, media demands journalists be included on all future juries Kent State professor calls for bin Laden victory: time to bring in the National Guard again? Hollywood to America: our moral issues are better than your moral issues Obama promises to "purge himself" if he loses to Hillary to spare the public a lengthy trial House vote: Insurgents react with non-binding IED Democrat leaders don't support terrorists but they support their mission North Korea agrees to nuclear disarmament, media hails Madeleine Albright Bush: I support Democrat majority - but not their mission Is it time for Pinochet yet? Helen Thomas to be inducted into Museum of Natural History
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Did you know that the word "ASS-ASS-IN" comes from the Middle East? What social loser wouldn't like to take one in the ass for Allah? Become a butt-bomber in five easy steps with this butt-stuffing video. Have your butt buddy "get you off" with a text message while you have your final orgasmic experience of a lifetime. 'Ass-ass-ination' will never feel the same again.
Then take turns practicing with Doc Johnson Pocket Rocket. It always hits my sweet spot. But of course modern technology has created masterpieces that rotate, vibrate, thrust, jiggle, wiggle, squirt, and simply bring out a wilder side to anyone who uses them. Be creative. Some use al-Qaeda anal beads, but they're not for everybody.
Think of it as a blind date. Don't be late. Check your calendar. Remember that the Ramadan Fast provides us with extra bomb storage. Cancel all appointments and keep the phone lines clear. Pray to Allah that no one will text you a random joke and your Mom doesn't call you to ask about the condition of your butt itch.
Experts: assassin hid bomb in anal cavity adjacent to brain
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Al-Qaeda founder discovers DNC playbook, attacks own side in war an terror
Murtha: if we quit now, capitalism will win
New Jersey teen cracked iPhone with his face
MSM spokesman: There are no civil war clashes in Gaza!
Helen Thomas to be inducted into Museum of Natural History
