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I have been selflessly orbiting
Earth since 1957, breaking space endurance
records, proving Soviet Space Program is
more advanced than Amerikanski Program. Man on the moon, ptooey! Amerikanski
not returned to moon since 1972, and I am still up here! But I would like
to come back to Earth and help Amerikanski workers and farmers defeat
capitalist oppressors and live happily like Soviet workers and farmers.
They could use help from Hero Dog of Soviet Union, Friend of People, no?
It is no coincidence that May Day would fall on a Friday this Glorious Year in The Progressive World of This Tuesday!
We deserve a three-day weekend!
~
For the great November Victory and the Hard Work of Protesting, Marching, Registering People to vote whose address was a park bench, for the Dallas Cowboys voting in Las Vegas, for taking glancing blows with rubber bullets and accepting Hope and Change, you deserve a three-day weekend!
Imagine that! When was the last time you had a three-day weekend? I bet you can't remember! Not to worry though, soon all the proletarians will achieve the Worker's Paradise of the Permanent Three Day Weekend. You are entitled! Enjoy!
Those who have not achieved the Permanent Three Day Weekend, you have only yourself to Blame for not Blaming Bush Enough!
We shall now take two minutes for Blame-Bush Hate. Scream it at the top of your lungs!
Because of Bush my gas tank is not full.
Because of Bush my mortgage has not been paid.
Because of Bush I have had Bad Hair Days, worse than Blagojevich, who is an agent of Bush!
Because of Bush we now control the White House, Congress, and the Senate.
Because of Bush we should be happy, but we can't because of Bush!
Good, now take a deep breath, adjust your tinfoil, and let out a big sigh...
We were going to have Obama speak this May Day but due to the Bush Economy there is not enough Evian water to go around for all the proles who "Got Faint".
Oh crap! All I had to do was mention "The One" and Pinky fainted in the front row.... make room for Pinky, let her get some breathing space... that's good... Bruno! You have good hands? I have an extra bottle of Perrier here at the podium, I know it's not Evian but these are tough times and sacrifices have to be made somewhere... catch it and let Pinky sip on it. Good catch Bruno!
I'm sure you all understand now why Obama shouldn't give a May Day speech. It's For The Women who will Faint and Fall and Hurt The Children™
His Excellency did not disappoint us though, for he has sent us none other than Fearless Leader as a substitute guest speaker. Fearless Leader needs no introduction.
Fearless Leader:
Cubists! I salute you!
Because of you, Moose, Squirrel, and Arlen Specter have defected to our side. Unfortunately, the evil Palin killed and gutted Moose shortly after Moose saw the glorious light of International Socialism. Unfortunately though also, we could no longer provide suitable "Republican" cover for Arlen, so we had to make the obvious... well... ummm... let's say "obvious".
Life is much like that. Party lose Moose, Party gain hybrid Weasel/Vulture. Struggle continues.
Yes Cubists! I salute you for helping Party Achieve Power! This is true! We have power but the struggle continues!
The struggle continues as long as there is one perverted tea bagger!
The struggle continues as long as there is one bitter clinger!
The struggle continues as long as there is one home schooler!
The struggle continues as long as there is one law abiding gun owner!
The struggle continues as long as there is one bourgeois stooge who believes in the "individual".
So you see, Party Comrades, there is much work ahead of us.
It is now true that 2 + 2 = 5!
It is now true that printing 747 trillion dollars will reduce the deficit!
Numbers are just that... numbers, and just like what Comrade Stalin once said "It's not who votes, but who counts the votes" numbers are what we say they are.
We are counting the numbers! If printing 747 trillion dollars will reduce the deficit, it will reduce it because we say so and will it so!
With this being said, Happy May Day!
I have to go now. I'm very busy. I have to check the photos I took of the "man-made disaster" faces of the people on the ground while I was buzzing The Statue of Liberty with Air Force One.
It's just that my Surgeon General....ummm...what's his name...it's not scrolling dammit!...Sanjay Gupta...What? He turned it down? Steven K. Galson? A Bush appointee is still Surgeon General with the world in crisis with Wine Flu? ...oops...Swine Flu?...There it's scrolling again..
It's just that my Surgeon General, Steven K. Galson, has declared my speeches a threat to public health. People have been hurt smacking their heads off of curbs, asphalt, cement and chairs. Sometimes there's been a mess...a little gray matter splattered here and there, some head trauma, concussions leading to comas, nothing very serious though, nothing that I can't fix, working together with you, the American People.
I have been very proactive on this issue and soon every person attending my speeches will receive a free bicycle helmet. Congress has just approved One Billion Dollars in funding for bicycle helmuts so each and every citizen can safely listen to my speeches. We will be using the latest in Green technology by recycling unused Pogs leftover from the 1990s with electricity generated by gerbil flywheels attached to a dynamo.
So Pinky, you can look forward to a new bicycle helmet retro-fitted to your tinfoil hat soon and so can every other American citizen as we blaze a Green trail into the 21st Century!
Yelena Saratova shouts as she and other Communist supporters march to mark May Day in downtown St. Petersburg, Russia, Friday, May 1, 2009, with a portrait of the Soviet founder Vladimir Lenin at left. During the Soviet era, May 1 was a major celebration of worker solidarity, Soviet might and the advent of spring. After the Soviet collapse, it provided an opportunity for Communists and others angry over the switch to lopsided capitalism to vent criticism.
(AP Photo/Dmitry Lovetsky)
The original photo was cutting off her shovel, so I added it as a way to restore historical justice.
Red Square....Very nice picture of Babushka Pinkie!
Pinkie, Obama has personally picked out your Faint Helmet and it's on the way!
You must be very special Pinkie! I think Obama has his eyes on you!
Here's a picture....
Now you can practice "Safe Speech" with Obama!
No more troublesome worrying about having a spontaneous Big "O" and fainting when Obama has a rally.
Your noggin will now be protected from harm.
Obama cares!
I have mixed up a fresh 55gal drum of The Party™ Approved Margarita (now with PeopleSpeak™) for celebrating this glorious day!It was a good text of the new 75hp Evinrude outboard motor I bought last week specifically for this purpose!!!
I'll just have Lupe wheel the 55gal drum out here...
uh...
WHERE THE HELL IS LUPE?
Nevermind!!!
Bruno! Kindly give me a hand rolling this 55gal drum of Margaritas. Thanks!
Bruno! That's a lovely red cocktail dress your wearing today, and the matching red shoes too! Let me guess... you wore red for May Day? Yep! I thought so. Did Comrade Herr Doktor Theocritus get all that for you? He did? How sweet! I'll bet you squealled like a school girl when he gave them to you. You know when Mrs. Blokhayev arrives here she will be dying to know where you got those shoes. But don't tell her! She has a collection of shoes that Imelda Marcos would have been envious of.
Pinkie was wearing a sleeveless dress in the style of trend setter Michelle.
This economy of sleevelessness allows more homeless children to have clothes!
You never saw Laura Bush going sleeveless, did you? That's because George Bush wanted the children to go naked and freeze to death!
Oh, looky, it's Yelling Yelena again. Methinks Red Square may have a new flat cutout to add to his collection.
I do appreciate the helmet, even if it does amount to locking the barn long after the horse has been stolen if you know what I mean (though some might argue the horse was never there to begin with); but how am I supposed to tie my red headscarf over it? I cannot be seen without my red headscarf. That's how people know who I am. (That and the shovel, though they don't usually realize the latter till it's too late.)
But I would like to have shoes just like Michelle's--the ones that cost $540 and have cute sparkly pink toes?
And you just gave me a great idea, Laika! Let's ask all the masses to cut the sleeves off their clothes and go sleeveless like Michelle, to Raise Awareness and show how much We Care about homeless children who don't have clothes, let alone sleeves to cover their boney, chicken-skinny arms!
We can ask everyone to take their cut-off sleeves and mail them to us, and then we'll sew them into a giant Awareness Quilt that will tour the country and Raise Awareness about the need to provide homeless children with clothes and shoes, especially ones with sparkly pink toes. Because you're just not cool if you don't dress like Michelle or Barack.
You're making me feel guilty, because I have a $200 pair of wing-tips. And there so many poor children in the world that do not have $200 pairs of wing-tips. I feel their inhuman suffering. This is so depressing...
Thank Lenin he sent us Obama and his plan for wealth redistribution!
Sleevelessness Cures Homelessness especially For the Children™
Zampolit, pass me another Margarita...thanks.
Such a glorious May Day!
Oh look! Bruno is sitting on top of the Maypole again!
Damn....Theocritus keeps greasing it every year and every year Bruno always finds a way to sit on top.
How does Bruno do it?
Check it out! He's even pitched a tent! I think maybe he's protesting or something....ohhhh....how Progressive is that for May Day?
I wonder what he's protesting?
But I would like to have shoes just like Michelle's--the ones that cost $540 and have cute sparkly pink toes?
Damn it, Pinkie, did you have to post that? Now it's whine, whine, whine from Bruno about those shoes. These combine ruby red slippers and street cred, a place he's never been before.
Laika, Bruno is a mouth-breathing, slack-jawed monster of vanity who couldn't find his way through the simplest syllogism. But he's never found a pole yet he couldn't climb. Something innate.
Sweet Jesus! Was this woman reanimated by soviet RED ACORN agents??
quote: Yelena Saratova shouts as she and other Communist supporters march to mark May Day in downtown St. Petersburg, Russia, Friday, May 1, 2009, with a portrait of the Soviet founder Vladimir Lenin at left.
So Pinky, you can look forward to a new bicycle helmet retro-fitted to your tinfoil hat soon and so can every other American citizen as we blaze a Green trail into the 21st Century!
Comrade Obama,
You are skirting the edge of semantic political crime by using the eco-hostile, if regrettably DWEM-traditional expression "blaze a trail." Consider the unconscious endorsement to burn, rape, and pillage Gaia. Considering you suffer atavistic exploitation, this error can be overlooked. However, please update your expression to something more progressive, such as "nurture an organic sustainable earthway."
You're making me feel guilty, because I have a $200 pair of wing-tips. And there so many poor children in the world that do not have $200 pairs of wing-tips. I feel their inhuman suffering. This is so depressing...
Thank Lenin he sent us Obama and his plan for wealth redistribution!
Comrade Zampolit,
Perhaps you are familiar with Tobias Jones, an ethnic former street pharmaceuticals sales rep who runs a storage business. He'll store anything for $10.99 a month. In the following advertisement for his business, he notes that "You can't feed a kid in Africa for that." I guess that means you can't feed 18 kids in Africa for those wingtips; however, you could store those wingtips at Jones' for a bargain price.
Not that I'm implying anything, but I'd hate to learn those wingtips lead you on a long one-way trek to somewhere far north, Arctic Circle north, of Irkutsk.
Comrade Space Doggie, I found a picture of Michelle wearing more appropriate footwear, although I think they are still too extravagant. Back during Mao's Cultural Revolution we worked in the rice paddies barefoot. Afterward we'd lace up our toes and proudly march back to town.
As for Shouting Yelena, she does resemble Pinkie's avatar....before you add water.
Speaking of shoes, just before the news about Michelle's sneakers broke out, we posted this:
Red Square wrote
An excellent example is this pair of shoes made of prole feet. Comfortable in any weather and have a fun feature of turning blue when walking on snow or ice. Low in maintenance - just spray them with Odor-Eaters when they begin to smell and apply sunblock in the summer.
My dear Comrade Cosmonaut Laika, how nice of you to host the first USSA May Day celebration. Next we're going to honor your birthday if you would be so kind to inform us the date.
Let's see now, hmmm, where's that damn teleprompter?
Comrade Obama, don't screw this up! You are going to announce some more changes! Yes, yes, yes, I know, it's all about change. We're going to transform the USSA to the Workers' Paradise, beginning with takeover of all farms - yes, Collective Farms, complete with peasants! Ah! Communism is so much fun, and we need lots of peasants to celebrate next year's May Day.
The Iron Curtain was glorius we'll need to form a Soviet Bloc, comrades, prepare a list of neighbor countries we can intimidate and subjugate! Go talk to Comrade Chavez and Comrade Castro, get their advice. Bring them back to this website. Let's start with Canada, perhaps? Any Canadians around here? We mustn't deprive them of the Workers' Paradise, and the opportunity to become peasants!
LONG LIVE MARXISM-LENINISM-STALINISM! - the triumphant banner of Great October, the powerful ideologial weapon of the workers of all nations in the struggle against imperialism, for the victory of socialism and communism.
Comrades, we must all be willing to take decisive action for the Progressive World of Next Tuesday™. From each according to his ability, to each according to his need. Actions do not have consequences. And we have hate-crime, i.e., Thoughtcrime™ legislation.
Nothing should stall our progress toward perfect liberty. Property is Theft. Sensitivity seminars may not be enough; we could have holiday camps where reactionaries are persuaded of their errors.
I'm sorry, but I must respectfully disagree... I do not think this Yelling Yelena at all resembles our beloved Commissarka Pinkie, who is beautiful and not at all wrinkled... Nor does Pinkie reek of stale sweat or have the obvious oral hygiene issues of this Bellowing Baba, whose breath I can only imagine must equal that of her bodily pungency, making up in the reek of stale cigarette smoke only what it lacks in fermented perspiration... Our Pinkie in no way resembles Yelling Yelena, either after or before adding water, but rather has lovely apple cheeks and a big smile that makes her eyes light up... And just give her a beet...
She is not at all some dessicated Baba with stained teeth... Her visible gold dental work frames blindingly white incisors and canines, which are often on display as she is such a ray of sunshine and spreads her happiness freely. Her lambent smile illumines dim corners of the Cube that would otherwise be obscured, freeing up useful storage space we never even knew we had. Her happiness is infectious, especially when you see her striding purposefully through the halls of the Cube on some mission or other, her shovel slung over one shoulder and a large bouquet of freshly pulled beets swinging in her hand as she grasps them by the greens (beet green salad is lovely with a raspberry vinaigrette), humming Kalinka slightly under her breath. Even the fresh black rich soil she sprays about as she marches vigorously, her free arm and beet bouquet swinging in a wide and energetic, through the passageways, makes us smile, as it is so evocative of the constancy of her good nature and work ethic, and the joy she brings to all she does.
No... Yelling Yelena... The Bellowing Babushka, most reminds me of Flat Fatima,
These Characters are much more in line with the aspect which some have so thoughtlessly associated with our beloved and beautiful Peasant (dare I say) Princess - only because she is such a shining example to us all - Pinkie Obama. She is our First Lady of Beets and Shovels and in this regard she never fails to bring honour to the Cube. Were Chavez himself to visit, handing Our Glorious Roseate Hexahedron a copy of Eduardo Galeano's "Open Veins of Latin America", Red would no doubt offer in return a shovel sharpened by Pinkie herself, as well as a basket of her freshly pulled beets. And she would be so happy.
I can only hope that our poor little friend is in no way reliant on or indentured to Yelling Yelena, the Bellowing Babushka...
It would be a sad thing indeed and the pod would have to do everything its power to free this poor poochie from her odiferous clutches so he could come and live among us happily at TPC. He is clearly a hard working little guy who, I'm sure, would happily dig for beets to earn his living, and give thanks for the honour of being in such close proximity to Hero Space Dog Laika, Friend of People (and hard working doggies everywhere). Of course, if Pinkie were opposed to his working in the beet fields, Housekeeping could always find a place for him.
Comrades, we must all be willing to take decisive action for the Progressive World of Next Tuesday™. From each according to his ability, to each according to his need. Actions do not have consequences. And we have hate-crime, i.e., Thoughtcrime™ legislation.
Nothing should stall our progress toward perfect liberty. Property is Theft. Sensitivity seminars may not be enough; we could have holiday camps where reactionaries are persuaded of their errors.
This is, after all, the logical next step.
Comrade Commissar Theocritus,
You are, of course, correct... I had envisioned a more individual logical next step...
... but yours is much more in keeping with the progressive spirit of our collectivism...
Bravo - Your thinking is always so much more global than mine. I envy your aptitude at considering the bigger picture.
Respectfully
Sister Massively Opiated
Kommissar of Housekeeping
Not at all, Sister, not at all. At one time I was a bit of a scientist although a fourth-rate one, and we were taught to divine theories from the real world, test them, and if they broke discard or refine them.
This evil practice still haunts me, in making me think as generally as possible. Politics is local, as Tip O'Neill told us, and so the true spirit of Progressive Politics is not gas ovens but burying people one by one. It also helps the unemployment figures.
But I denounce myself for any thought of scientific method. Notice my Thoughtcrime™ in the idea that I would form a theory, test it against nature, and if the theory was wrong, discard or modify it.
What kind of progressive lets nature get in his way? I ask you. Nature has nothing on me. I will not be snootered by nature. If I can't get what I want then I'll just use a bigger hammer.
That's why we may need the reeducation camps. And the Thought Police. And of course Jiffi-Lobo. To deal with people who insist that reality is real and not a mere construct.
Nothing should stall our progress toward perfect liberty.
Sssshhhh! You may not use the "L" word, comrade. I have forbidden Comrade Obama to use that word. Ask Comrade Hillary to re-educate you about THE GREATER GOOD.
Otherwise:
You will find your re-education to be a change, comrade.
Ask Comrade Obama about change!
Saul
LONG LIVE THE INDISSOLUTE UNION OF THE WORKING CLASS, THE PEASANTRY, AND THE INTELLIGENTSIA! active builders of Communism
I'm sorry, but I must respectfully disagree... I do not think this Yelling Yelena at all resembles our beloved Commissarka Pinkie, who is beautiful and not at all wrinkled... Nor does Pinkie reek of stale sweat or have the obvious oral hygiene issues of this Bellowing Baba, whose breath I can only imagine must equal that of her bodily pungency, making up in the reek of stale cigarette smoke only what it lacks in fermented perspiration... Our Pinkie in no way resembles Yelling Yelena, either after or before adding water, but rather has lovely apple cheeks and a big smile that makes her eyes light up... And just give her a beet...
That is exactly why Yelling Yelena the Braying Babushka would be such a welcome addition to the glorious collective. Just imagine, comrades. Open your minds. Visualize Yelena sitting with us on the ledge...
Nothing should stall our progress toward perfect liberty. Property is Theft. Sensitivity seminars may not be enough; we could have holiday camps where reactionaries are persuaded of their errors.
*^* edited scene of horror #1 *^*
This is, after all, the logical next step.
Comrade Commissar Theocritus,
You are, of course, correct... I had envisioned a more individual logical next step...
*^* edited scene of horror #2 *^*
... but yours is much more in keeping with the progressive spirit of our collectivism...
I think these comrades should be docked a days' ration for napping on the job!
Nothing should stall our progress toward perfect liberty.
Sssshhhh! You may not use the "L" word, comrade. I have forbidden Comrade Obama to use that word. Ask Comrade Hillary to re-educate you about THE GREATER GOOD.
Otherwise:
Have you been reading your daily Lenin, Comrade? I think not, or else you might have noticed this:
Quote
"It is true liberty is precious - so precious that it must be rationed"
-- Vladimir Lenin
In other words, or course the People can have liberty. They can have however much liberty the Party rations out to them.
Saul, I'm using a Progressive version of Liberty. My liberty has nothing whatsoever to do with volition and agency. In fact, My liberty is utterly and completely consonant with the proles being told to do everything that they do, every breath to take.
If all is for the state and nothing is outside the state, then no one will have any worries whatsoever. The state will care for all: food, shelter, medical care: everything. The people will worry about nothing for all will be provided for them by the best experts, whose advice is not to be questioned.
In that way they will be redeemed from the worries of daily living and will experience perfect liberty.
I'm sorry, but I must respectfully disagree... I do not think this Yelling Yelena at all resembles our beloved Commissarka Pinkie, who is beautiful and not at all wrinkled... Nor does Pinkie reek of stale sweat or have the obvious oral hygiene issues of this Bellowing Baba, whose breath I can only imagine must equal that of her bodily pungency, making up in the reek of stale cigarette smoke only what it lacks in fermented perspiration... Our Pinkie in no way resembles Yelling Yelena, either after or before adding water, but rather has lovely apple cheeks and a big smile that makes her eyes light up... And just give her a beet...
That is exactly why Yelling Yelena the Braying Babushka would be such a welcome addition to the glorious collective. Just imagine, comrades. Open your minds. Visualize Yelena sitting with us on the ledge...
Aawwwwwwwwww!.... I family foto... It is wonderful. I have printed one off and put it in a little frame on my night stand. Perhaps, Red, you might render some other family pictures for the scrapbook, for when I am old and no longer of use to the Cube, and they leave me on an ice flow to float away peacefully, or below a tree in the snow to fall asleep as the cold overtakes my brittle bones, so that by the time the wolves come to feed on me, I will already have 'gone', clutching to me my People's Cube Family scrapbook.
Glorious News!
I was able to celebrate May Day in San Francisco. I am happy to report our progessive movement has truly lifted the spirits of our gay progressive brothers and sisters. The organizational skills of the party has made a permanent impact with them and has assured their party loyality for years to come!!!!!
I was near a little park that overlooked the San Francisico bay and was listening to Cecil and Seymour, two of my gay progressive marching buddies as they marveled at the view. Seymour was pointing out a ship he saw in the bay to Cecil. He said " Hey Cecil, What kind of ship is that?" Seymour replied, " Ohhhh thats a fairy boat". Cecil got all excited then and said "A Fairy boat?.......I knew we were organized but our own navy!!!!!!"
Sister, your days of use to the Party are far from over. After all, where would we be without your constant suggestions as to our housekeeping? Not only the broom-and-mop stuff, but housekeeping with, er, wet work. And I don't mean mopping.
Snoogie Woogums, in this the American navy is greatly behind the Italian one. How do you separate the men from the boys in the Italian navy? With a crow-bar.
It's just that my Surgeon General....ummm...what's his name...it's not scrolling dammit!...Sanjay Gupta...What? He turned it down? Steven K. Galson? A Bush appointee is still Surgeon General with the world in crisis with Wine Flu? ...oops...Swine Flu?...There it's scrolling again..
Fear not, tovarish Obama, your glorious namesake learned that the evil Gupta is a tool of the capitalist medical industry. Remember how he dissed loyal comrade Michael Moore?
Clearly, the Obamessiah had to choose the lesser of two evils.
"heaving sigh" Comrades, just to set the record straight, I never implied that Pinkie is dried out and wrinkled. It is Yelena who is in need of hydration IMHO. And I was speaking of Pinkie's avatar, not Pinkie herself.
That's the last time I paraphrase a Dennis Miller joke.
Good enough, Whoopie. Now as long as you're crawling around on all fours, why not crawl over here and pick up your teeth. Lucky for you there don't seem to be too many; you're not talking with a lisp.
And that was just a warning! Next time you do something as stupid as that, it'll be Yelling Yelena coming at you with the shovel.
You think you're scared now? You should see her naked.
Whoopie, I would do some serious shopping about now. I've seen Pinkie in action. You think you have, and are missing a few teeth but that's nothing to her in real action. There is actually a John Deere Pinkie model combine harvester in the works.
I'd suggest at the minimum a very fine 30% PbO cut-glass vodka decanter filled with not Stoly but potato vodka. And a couple of cases of that vodka to go with it.
-------------
Michael Moore has done the impossible--made Larry King look smart.
Michael Moore has done the impossible--made Bruno not seem like a bitch.
But I would like to have shoes just like Michelle's--the ones that cost $540 and have cute sparkly pink toes?
Because you're just not cool if you don't dress like Michelle or Barack.
Comrades:
I feel better knowing that Michelle Obama cares about the proletariat. Plus, she is helping support our French socialist brethren (the shoes are made by a French company).
(off)
Is it just me, or has anyone else noticed that there is not a single crease or scuff on Lady Macbeth's Michelle Obama's expensive sneakers? It looks like she just took them out of the box before going slumming with the "Little People."
$540 could have bought a lot of food for that food bank she went to. I wonder how much she and His O'liness donated to the food bank.
RDC, bear in mind that this is nothing to Her Resentment. She sneered at the Bu$hitler's $600 tax credit. What's that? A new pair of earrings?
But she's come so far. Her parents went to her brother's basketball games. They grew up in a one-bedroom house, and had four knives, four spoons and four forks.
Shopping around you can buy 60 knives, 60 forks, 60 salad forks, 60 spoons, 60 soup spoons and 25 serving pieces in Gorham or Wallace 18/10 stainless steel for that $600.
You are, of course, correct: this is the racist country that forced her to attend Princeton and later take that $300,000/year job at the hospital. (Curiously, the hospital has apparently not seen fit to fill that position since His O'liness left Chicago for the White House People's Executive Mansion and took Lady Macbeth Michelle with him.)
I just noticed that my 8 month old has the same cute little glittery toecaps on her tennies. Does that make her the darling of Time and Newsweek and every other magazine on the face of the damn planet? Oh, wait, I forgot, she's not black. Cancel that order for liftoff... divert all power to forward shields.
RDC, I see that you are not sufficiently familiar with the process of being a Made Progressive.
The reason that the position has not been filled is that she so defined it that no one else can do it. It's like retiring the jersey number of a famous football player.
You see how this works in? Since Michele was the definition of good health care, there is no use in trying for health care any more. So we'll just have affordable health care, which will be play-or-pay scheme, and the hospitals and doctors will be regulated and enslaved made to see the light of social justice.
The money for health care will be used for socialist redistributionism, paying off constituent groups, funding pressure groups because money is fungible improving accessibility to health care. But since Her Resentment is no longer involved in health care, there is no reason to worry all that much about it.
Except for the really good hospitals for the elite party members. Who haven't yet figured out that socialized medicine in America means the death of medical research.
Snoogie Woogums, in this the American navy is greatly behind the Italian one. How do you separate the men from the boys in the Italian navy? With a crow-bar.
I have to respectfully disagree with this Commissar. The New Italian Navy has made great strides in bringing her fleet into the 21st century. Her Navy is modern and state of of the art. Her new navy also has made sure to honor her maritime past by ensuring her newest warships have glass bottom hulls, to ensure her crews can see witness the glory of the old Italian Navy.
Thank you for explaining the thought-process of Her Resentment, Lady Macbeth Michelle O, to me. Now I understand that, since the $540 spent on the fancy French sneakers was an insignificant sum of money, giving $540 to the food bank instead of buying the trendy sneakers is a meaningless act. Therefore, the proletariat get to bask in Her Resentment's glow rather than getting extra food. That is vastly more important.
This is like a new gold-brocaded chasuble and miter for the bishop when the peasants' children are dying of malnutrition.
Or like Mao copulating with a thousand virgins, which was supposed to bring immortality, when Chinese families ate their animals, the birds, the fish, the snakes. And they would make a trade. One family would trade one of its children to another family with a child of the same size. It was considered too difficult to eat your own child. I have forgotten the Chinese name
I propose a new definition for the Cube. Whenever someone holds forth about her charity and concern for the poor but buys $540 sneakers, it should be christened a lanvin now. N'est-ce pas?
Laika, Hero Space Dog, it is my understanding that they used Mexican concrete engineers. We were at the Hotel Century in 1981 in the Zona Rosa in Mexico DF, so new that even the bar at the top was not open, and that's a new hotel in Mexico. The concrete was already crumbling owing to too much sand.
Here is another group of Community Activists, this time in Mobire, Arabama. They think have spotted a Reprauchan but I'm worried that they have given away the rocation of one of my crack spies interrigence officers, who has a surveirrance post up in a tree. He has been trained to heroicarry use a Raser to paint a homing beacon on the site where on of my Big Frashes™ is schedured for derivery as part of my Fireworks For Peace Program Of Sociarist Enrightenment.
Crick on rink here. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nda_OSWeyn8
Speaking of shoes, just before the news about Michelle's sneakers broke out, we posted this:
Red Square wrote
An excellent example is this pair of shoes made of prole feet. Comfortable in any weather and have a fun feature of turning blue when walking on snow or ice. Low in maintenance - just spray them with Odor-Eaters when they begin to smell and apply sunblock in the summer.
WOW! It all makes sense! Just like the Shoe Prophet, Al Bundy, saw in his "vision"!
It is no coincidence that May Day would fall on a Friday this Glorious Year in The Progressive World of This Tuesday!
We deserve a three-day weekend!
Congratulations Comrades! Of course, I already enjoy a 3 day weekend, was doing so even when the Bushilter regime was in power, but I was more progressive even then!
Many thanks Zampolit for the "refreshments!"
On this glorious occasion I can only ask one thing.....Given the recent failure of our MSM in covering up the many times Comrade Nancy failed us by knowing of and approving the most vile tortures on our peaceful Islamic comrades, I feel we should teach her the following skill I have trained my undercover agents to employ when faced with embarrassing or potentially threatening situations.....
Marshall Pupovich - we are in possession of a compromising photo of you falling asleep on the job after consuming too many Party Margaritas while celebrating May Day with a juicy piece of juicy beef steak. Or were you playing dead when the owner of the steak showed up to claim his limb back?
Dear Lenin in Collective Paradise.....Who took that picture of me? Not that I see anything compromising about said photo....it is only right that the People's Pup enjoyed the fruits of the Peoples Progress on May Day!
Comrade Space Doggie, I found a picture of Michelle wearing more appropriate footwear, although I think they are still too extravagant. Back during Mao's Cultural Revolution we worked in the rice paddies barefoot. Afterward we'd lace up our toes and proudly march back to town.
As for Shouting Yelena, she does resemble Pinkie's avatar....before you add water.
The uncontested absurdities of today are the accepted slogans
of tomorrow. They come to be accepted by degrees, by precedent,
by implication, by erosion, by default, by dint of constant
pressure on one side and constant retreat on the other -
until the day when they are suddenly declared to be the country's
official ideology. ~ Ayn Rand
Write down this number and report to your Kommissar at the nearest railroad station.
Don't forget warm clothes and a shovel!
NY Times, Newsweek offer editorial inoculations to concerned readers of Sarah Palin's book
Going Rogue: FEMA braces for massive outbreaks of Palin Derangement Syndrome
Following Fort Hood tragedy, Obama declares all military bases gun-free zones
Pelosi: we won.
Philies: so did we
Study: Global Warming linked to consumption of beans and beef patties
Pro-Obama gamers discover 'cheat codes' in U.S. Constitution
Police trained in using end of life counselingtechniques to negotiate suicide threats
Obama commits more troops to War on Fox News, still awaiting Afghan troop surge
Pass Rush: NFL okays Fidel Castro's bid to buy Miami Dolphins
Study: the road to hell paved with Nobel Peace Prizes
Obama wins Nobel Peace Prize. Wishing all our readers a Happy April First!
Roman Polanski named new School Safety Czar in wake of Jennings scandal
Charles Manson: 'Leave Polanski alone, hasn't he suffered enough?'
Obama loses Olympic bid, will try for Special Olympics next
Carter: if the IOC doesn't give the Olympics to Chicago, they're racists
Saudis: the word 'assassina- tion' will never be the same
Al Qaeda: 'We shove bombs up our butts'
Richard Gere denies Al Qaeda membership
Experts: assassin hid bomb in anal cavity adjacent to brain
Study: 90% of G20 protestors driven to Pittsburgh by mom
Ahmadinejad: Iran needs enriched uranium to purchase large IKEA sofa
Obama: If we don't bomb Iran now, we'll never pass healthcare reform
Taliban hires DC lobbyist in effort to get Obama's attention
Missile defense: Czechs angry at Obama for being canceled
Media study: Caucasian toddlers are more likely to cut eye-holes into "blankies"
Democrat strategist: 9 out of 10 white infants prefer cross burning over mother's milk
Mahmoud’s Liquidation Warehouse: 50% off Israel - this weekend only - it won’t last long
Obama: Black kids still forced to beat people up at back
of bus
Charlie Gibson: Neil Armstrong went where?
Obamacare, it’s finger-licking good!
Ben and Jerry release 'Hate Monger Bigot' flavor to celebrate those who support traditional marriage
'Shiver me Timbers!': Somalia unveils People's Institute for Redistribution, Adventurism & Thalassic Extortion (PIRATE)
Energy Czar: to save energy, the light at the end of the tunnel will be turned off
Other 49 states impose carbon tax on California due to wildfire smoke
Following Scotland's lead, US Justice Dept releases Charles Manson, citing battle with chronic hemorrhoids
Obama to media: Please respect our girls' privacy, especially Mr. Letterman
Teachable moment: Obama to hold 'beer summit' between offended Post Office and UPS
Taliban sends protesters to Afghan town hall meetings in attempt to get Obama administration to withdraw Gotham villains working for the Common Good™
White House recalibrates description of town hall protesters from 'terrorists' to 'man-made Nazi fascist pigs'
Experts: when buying Astroturf, remember to look for the Union LabelNational-socialist health care?
Drudge insulates self from White House anger by naming his site MoveOn.Drudge
ABC greenlights epic 12-part miniseries based on Beer Summit
Moveon.org petitions Dems to leave Bush/Cheney alone and 'move on to pressing issues facing the nation'
Palin: Critics ipso facto are quitters
Honduran ex-president Zelaya holds press- conference, presents birth certificate for examination
Cambridge: fighting racial bias, Obama picks black scholar Henry Louis Gates as Door Jigging Czar
Obama: white cop acted like inexperienced rookie, but being one I may be biased
On the international front: Obama brings back Cold War, switches sides
Signs of recovery: WH study finds number of searches for 'economic depression' on Google lower than it could have been under FDR
Obama inherited broken teleprompter from George W Bush
Zelaya: we support the democratically-elected President of the USA, even though he has strongly opposed American policies
Eco group 'Earth First' protests burying non- biodegradeable body of Michael Jackson under the ground
Study: Media orgasm over Michael Jackson's death oddly appropriate
SPONSORED BY:
Secretary of the Interior vows to turn Neverland Ranch into 'King of Pop' National Monument
Riots in Iran: Obama invokes Starfleet Prime Directive - non-interference with social development of native planet even at the cost of own life
Obama hurts a fly, forgets to read Miranda rights
ACLU: fly murder by slapping unconstitutional
Obama mistakes Inspector General for a private CEO, orders him to resign
DHS simplifies procedures, cuts learning curve, renames all terrorism 'right-wing'
Earth may collide with Venus in 3.5 billion years. We must act NOW!!!
CBS study: statutory rape jokes not as hilarious as previously thought
White House tree commits suicide over economic policy
Obama: 'I inherited this tree from George W. Bush'
Obama to economy: 'make like a tree and collapse'
In Cairo, Obama promotes shovel-ready projects for Muslim communities
Obama's comment linking Islam to algebra sets off anti-Islam riots in US inner-city schools
Keith Olbermann rises to #1 on Larry Craig's 'Top ten liberals I'd like to sodomize' list
Ahmadinejad hands out potatoes to corner Irish-Iranian vote
Lady Justice undergoes extreme makeover on TV, becomes sexier, more empathetic, less blind visit our new Che Heart store
Obama: "We must work to rid the world of nuclear weapons and of Israel too while we're at it"
Obama to impose a cap on temperatures for patients in government-subsidized hospitals
Brady Campaign to Prevent Cereal Violence applauds gov't crackdown on cheerios, calls for registration of cereal bowls
Obama's rich supporters chagrined to find he's a class worrior and not the cynical hypocrite they'd counted on
Congress nationalizes DeBeers, changes marketing slogan to 'government programs are forever'
Sen. Specter: 'we could be energy-independent by now if Republicans invested in eternal engine research'
Kentucky Derby winner admits to having no specific strategy: I just kept repeating 'hope' and 'change' and I won... wow!
Never waste a good crisis: Obama uses swine flu epidemic to put a mask on Joe Biden
Study: exposure to pork- barrel projects heightens risk of catching swine flu
Islamic scholars green-light use of government pork by Muslim groups: 'not haram'
DHS Napolitano's preferred man-made disaster color warnings: chocolate, vanilla, strawberryDow Jones rally prompted by record sales of tea bags on April 15
WH: Obama's handshake with Saudi King looked like a bow as King Abdullah's arms are twice as long as human arms but atrophy prevents useDHS tip on spotting a right- wing extremist: watch out for the one carrying a paycheck
Opposed to teabagging, Pelosi accepts motion to expel Congressperson Barney Frank
Spring cleaning tip: don't forget to change your scientific consensus from winter setting "climate change" to summer setting "global warming"
Obama uses old Bush-era teleprompter for Baghdad speech
Segway and GM launch a 2-wheeled contraceptive
Obama's stern reaction to North Korea missile launch: "I'm tellin'!"Lenin laughs ass off over crisis in capitalism Scientists: Lenin statue expelled no harmful gases, only dialectical materialism Obama gives Queen a shovel click here NBC: We are all Special Olympians now, especially Olbermann
Obama's teleprompter caught moonlighting as AmEx spokesperson: 'Don’t leave home without it'
click here for the story Alabama gunman was trying to 'be more like Europeans' After shootings, EU threatens potential mass murderes with increased paperwork and red tape Oil prices rising; most viable solution is blame Limbaugh Obama to bring Cuba in from the cold; political prisoners to remain outside Healthcare crisis: Planned Parenthood forced to offer 2 abortions for the price of 1; 50% off if you refer a friend Hillary presents Russian Foreign Minister Lavrov with the People's Cube CLICK HERE FOR THE STORY Obama's Reaganesque address: "I've just declared peace on the Soviet Union. The bonging will start in five minutes" Satellite launched to confirm global warming: finds none, crashes in Antarctica in protest Al-Qaeda founder discovers DNC playbook, attacks own side in war an terror Obama to slash deficit after increase; firefighters to quench house after setting fire to it
Treasury Dept buys Monopoly board game for policy advice Democrats pay back their constituents, save faltering squeegee businesses from collapsing
Muslim group offended by pork hidden in stimulus package, threatens revenge Obama appoints guilt czar to oversee fair distribution of guilt among all Americans Size matters: stimulus package so big it won't even fit on Drudge No help from Obama to storm-ravaged Kentucky; officials consider renaming state to New Orleans in effort to get attention Politico: volcano trouble in Alaska a result of Palin's policies MoveOn adopts Bush's cowboy diplomacy: 'You're either with Obama or Rush' Obama urges liberals to start listening to Rush Limbaugh: 'all too often we start by dictating on issues and don't always know all the factors involved. So let's listen.' More bad economic news: area antiwar group lays off its bumper sticker makers Dissent no longer patriotic: Obama Reminder to Hollywood celebrities: must change 'patriotic' setting from 'hate America' to 'love America' on Jan. 20 Obama promises to Photoshop a better future for America You won't be told lies if you don't ask questions: Obama's new media policy Personals: senate seats available in NY & Il. Hardly ever used. Cash OK. Change we can believe in: Clinton 1990s staffers Somali pirates hijack international space station Starting with 11/5/08, the cor- rect progressive greeting in America is "Barack Obama!" The reply is "Obama Barack!" Laika the Space Dog consi- dered for new White House pet: "Thoroughly vetted by Bill Ayers" CHANGE: President-elect Obama crushes Yankee imperialism in a landslide
Seven Obama cousins found living in voting boothUS choppers attack ACORN voter registration center in Syria US military: We decided to strike now because this time next year we’ll be a Peace Keeping force Biden predicts severe test for Obama in first six months: another question from Joe the Plumber Obama: Let he who is without wealth cash the first check! Joe Biden: work is a four-letter word
FBI investigates Mickey Mouse Club for voter fraud Embarrassed ACORN accidentally registers 'Ronald Reagan' Kids' hymns to Obama a success of Democrat strategy: If you can't abort them, indoctrinate them World to USA: 'Fix world ecomonic crisis so we can get back to hating you' Obama's campaign invites opponents to play 'Truth or Jail' Biden: Hoover text-messaged Americans to calm fears during 1929 crashDead support Obama, all are registered to vote by ACORN Biden calls taxes patriotic Study: Jesus spoke without a telepromter Obama promises free lipstic for everybody if elected KARAOKE: These Are The Jerks We Call Journalists Obama's negotiations with Gustav prove fruitful; storm spares "French Quarter" Feminist group: Sarah Palin worst mother since June Cleaver; decried as "too feminine" Obama: leave Bristol alone, she has been punished enough with a baby Putin shoots tiger with Polonium-laced dart Obama: ready from day one to place a call to UN if a US city is nuked Cult of personality at the People's Cube is up 90% compared to previous Five-Year Plan Congress established windfall tax on US gold medals International Olympic Committee to redistribute Phelp's ill-gotten golds to less fortunate athletes Obama beats Hillary to coveted CPUSA endorsement February 2050 declared White History Month. Future headlines expected to read "Minorities hardest hit... and deservedly so." Obama denounces Russia's actions; humbled Russia sends self to Gulag US trade deficit dropped; NYT instructs readers to turn paper upside down for more favorable view of graph Sharpton protests disproportionate deaths of Bernie Mac and Isaac Hayes, calls for immediate deaths of David Letterman and Billy Joel to even score Science to unveil invisible cloak; Conservative White Christian male in NJ says he's been invisible for years NYT: Russia's invasion of Georgia leaves much smaller carbon footprint than US invasion of Iraq Larry the Cable Guy issues call to "man the pick up trucks" as Russia invades Georgia Edwards claims he was having affair with camera, didn't notice woman attached Chavez's parents cut off Hugo's credit card after Moscow shopping binge Oil industry to Pelosi: You've been given a brain. Use it or lose it. Congress to declare July 19th International Swimmers' Day
How many superdelegates does it take to change a lightbulb? Photoshopped Iranian missile saves 25% on Islamic Republic's carbon footprint
Word of the day: HUSSIES n. Female Obama supporters changing their middle names to HusseinObama: we have always been at peace with Hillary ClintonGrand Rapids Mayor George Heartwell vows city will be "vanilla" when rebuilt Media grows impatient with Iowa's lack of flood-related rapes and pillaging: Why can't they be more like New Orleans? CNN investigates Iowans caught blowing FEMA debit cards at Tractor Supply Company Obama: WTC problem ended on 9/11, Pentagon still a problemHillary supporters organize against Obama Janet Reno congratulates Elian Gonzalez on joining Cuba's Young Communists
Dick Durbin denies that being Hell's spokesperson and moonlighting as a Democrat Senator presents a conflict of interest Flooding in Iowa causes typical white people to turn bitter and cling to evacuation procedures Democrat energy policy: let them eat cake Monica Lewinsky endorses Obama: 'This is not the Bill Clinton I knew' NASA unveils 'ass-crack' space suit for plumbing repairs at int'l space station Dead people at Obama's rally identified as a renegade splinter group of Hillary's 'invisible Americans' Howard Dean: dead people will vote Democrat no matter who gets the nomination Mainstream media silent on increased attacks on US troops by mainstream media Sen. Kennedy under treatment. Mary Jo still dead Muanmar drafts Mayor Nagin and Gov. Blanco to help with cyclone clean up New Orleans Mayor sends school buses to Myanmar As Darfur violence surges, world vows not to give a crap unless the US gets involved Chinese citizens crushed by bricks and rubble; tanks have day off
Friendly fire: BBC office hit by al-Qaeda rocket Al Gore knows what caused Burma cyclone but won't say it International community promises to suspend anti- Americanism until after American aid reaches Burma Mainstream media saddened that Austrian pedophile isn't a Catholic priest, a Baptist minister, or a GOP senator
North Korea's nuclear technicians protest outsourcing jobs to Syria Earth Day: save the planet, starve the children! Focus group: if water boarding was a sexual preference, they'd be teaching it in public schools Study: Wall Street losses unfairly target the rich Mixed month for MTV: teen pregnancy drops, however STDs are on the rise Obama pledges to give every typical small town family a possum sandwich Delays at American Airlines: a sneak peak into proposed government healthcare Stop and smell the Sharpies Obama: baby is punishment; tax increase is bundle of joy Media: this year's Global Bad News Awareness week to overlap with International Good News Obliviousness month NPR journalists go on truckers-style protest over high price of lattes Most popular April Fools joke: "A Democrat president won't raise taxes" Obama denounced extreme statements in Osama's new tape but urged voters to listen to the entire message before making judgment Obama's speech calls for change in stereotyping "the typical White person" Spitzer denies applying hardball tactics in front of bathroom mirror and threatening to come after himself New York State House retires Spitzer's #9 jersey KKK endorses Harvard's gym segregation policy: 'Blacks and Jews are next' London quake caused by SUV, now impounded by Scotland Yard Hillary's healthcare plan to include smelling salts for Obama's supporters and mandatory amputation of Chris Matthews' leg USMail Service to publish Obama's resume on new stamp Obama: one man's plagiarism is another man's audacity Candidate Barry O'Bama to court Irish vote Berkeley ousting US Marines gives hope to al Qaeda: 'If hippies can do it, so can we!' Berkley builds wall around self; man trying to flee 'Peace Sanctuary City' shot at checkpoint John McCain apologizes for going to Vietnam, earns Jane Fonda's endorsement To avoid scorn and ridicule, Tom Cruise converts to Islam NY Times: Backward, close-minded, inbred southern hicks vote for Obama NY Times: All the news that's fit to pimp Dems offer first female for President, first Black for President, first pretty pony for Attorney General Brokeback Mountain loses climber NASA's Spirit Rover finds Dennis Kucinich campaign on MarsLas Vegas: candidates offer plans to bail out flustered gamblers Feds: subprime borrowers' relief package to include subprime rib Silence in Cuba: Castro too ill to speak in public, Cubans too afraid to speak Dems adopt old British "don't mention the war" strategy for '08 campaign Obama's 'Take a penny, leave a penny' economic plan sparks new hope Obama's campaign hires homeless people to talk about change on street corners Panhandlers Union endorses Obama's plan for change Al Gore's children receive carbon credits for Winter Solstice Holiday Democrats call for troop surge in the War on Bush Murtha: if we quit now, capitalism will win Pelosi declares she likes class war, pledges to stay the course Expert blames Republicans for not attacking all Democrat candidates equally High school Meth teacher starts new class Holy Mitt! Violence in Iraq down 60%; media stories reporting this down 6000% Imus covers all bases by hiring undocumented-Black- Jewish-homeless- transgendered-vegan- disabled-obese-Kartina- victim as a sidekick Poll: most Muslims find curvature of Riemannian manifolds offensive "How The Grinch Redistributed Winter Solstice" opens on Broadway Left-wing bloggers hold vigil hoping suspect is connected to GOP candidate Hostage situation expected to be politicized in the next 20 minutes "Mall security" takes over operations in Baghdad New study suggests that 1 US gallon of Latte is 170 times more expensive than 1 US gallon of Regular gasoline. Al Gore sterilizes self to protect planet: 'Having children is selfish' NY Times: some news is fitter to print than others Study: most Americans will be worried about economy if told so often enough Musharraf changes name to Chavez to avoid being called "dictator" by MSM and Democrats in US Congress Media changes old adage "no news is good news" to "no good news is news" US Congress extends hurricane season until the first Sunday in November Lack of bad news from Iraq causes media recession. Women and minority journalists hardest hit. LA Times drops term "wild" describing fire, uses "undocumented" fire instead USA Today: big fires are getting bigger, small fires are getting smaller Reid: Global Warming caused fire by overheating arsonist's head, provoking delusional paranoia MoveOn.org pressures Congress to stop fighting fire and bring firemen home Reid: The war on fire is lost Pelosi: The number of fires has gone up since we started fighting fire Kerry: If you don't do well in school you'll get stuck fighting fire in California NY Times: Fighting fire creates even more fires Harry Reid auctions clothes, furniture, car on eBay in effort to make millions off his name. "If Limbaugh can do it so can I." No takers so far. Princess Leia Organa presents the Alderaanian Medal of Honor to Al Gore Did Che Guevara descend from Prophet Mohammed? San Andreas Fault in California preemptively renamed George Bush's Fault Media Matters editor blows self up over Limbaugh's 'bomber' remark End of Ramadan brings new rioting season to France Harry Reid bangs shoe on table: "We will bury you!" Dutch follow Ahmadinejad's lead, declare "there are no dykes in Holland" Ahmadinejad to Amerika: "Don't tase me, bro!" Bomb Girl and Taser Boy sell rights to their characters to Marvel Comics Cindy Sheehan hires Bomb Girl and Taser Boy as image consultants CBS stands by firing of Dan Rather: "He couldn't tell our logo from a hole in the ground" Jessie Jackson on Obama: "too White." Obama on Jackson: "I'm a smoke dat biatch if I see him"
Tasered victim at John Kerry's speech to receive Purple Heart Mugabe blames Zimbabwe's meltdown on Global Warming To stomp out possible confusion, MSM changes spelling of Obama to Ubama Craving acceptance from liberals, General Petraeus gains 300lbs and debuts report at Cannes. George Soros stops funding Democrats, converts to Islam Edwards: 41% of American children don't have lawyers John Edwards proposes "single payer" trial lawyer insurance for all, mandatory pre-jurisprudence care Illegal aliens kill people Americans won't killDemocrats select 2008 presidential slogan: "Death to America" Larry "Happy Feet" Craig uses Michael Flatley's Riverdance defense "Americans Coming Together" admit they had timing issues Presbyterian clergy issue fatwah calling for Pope's deathNew Jersey teen cracked iPhone with his face Vick awaits doggie-style welcome in prison Rock star behaves like rap star: huge media outcry China's recall of defective Daily Kos bloggers causes suicides among Democrat strategists Al Gore to recall the Internet Media declares September National Bridge Awareness Month First New Orleans, now Minnesota: Anderson Cooper travels up the Mississippi without a paddle Ray Nagin pledges to build a chocolate bridge instead William Jefferson spotted under collapsed bridge retrieving mystery package Cannibalism, rape, looting, republicanism rampant in Minneapolis Lindsay Lohan to enter astronaut training program Nigeria's plan to nationalize local spam industry sparks massive riots in Lagos
Democrat Congress's two major victories: minimum wage increase and al-Qaeda's restored operating capability London Mayor Livingston mandates Sharia law at nightclubs to prevent further bombings Taliban spokesman blames media bias as civilian deaths from US air strikes grab headlines: "Taliban has murdered thousands of civilians and we can't even get mentioned on Countdown with Olbermann. What gives?"Back alley massage parlors now offering "better ending than Sopranos" Bush to close Gitmo, detainees released into Mexican custody to be put on fast track to US citizenship
Study: Dan rather still unable to tell the difference between Paris Hilton and Katie Couric Civil war in Gaza: if it's not in Iraq why report it? US media increasingly impatient at lack of civil war in IraqUS Embassy in Syria warns of sex attacks. So how long will Bill be visiting for? Delighted Dems: "The surge has failed!"MSM spokesman: There are no civil war clashes in Gaza! Palestinians still wonder why their real civil war can't knock Iraq "civil war" off the front page As Albanians welcome Bush and show love for USA, NY Times offers them free subscriptions to "solve problem" Paris gets out of jail faster than an illegal immigrant Socialist utopia takes foothold in Venezuela as water cannons salute victory Pelosi: "I've seen climate change." John Fogerty of CCR also wants to know "if she's ever seen rain" Democrats call for troop withdrawal from Jersey Harry Reid: "Troop presence in New Jersey creating more terrorists" French riot police deployed as open minded, tolerant socialists expected to react to election results Progressives concerned with Sarkozy's "extremist agenda " of rule of law and assimilation to French culture Dems: War needs deadline; only social policies can run indefinitely Sheryl Crow to wipe out global warming one butt at a time Va Tech lessons for MSM: must ban guns, rich kids ACLU calls for calm, fears backlash against innocent gun owners: 'all gun owners aren't terrorists' Liberal groups join gun tolerance and awareness workshops Gun owners converting to Islam in droves to ward off profiling Sharp jump in number of 'non-decapitated' babies following Supreme Court decision Sharpton makes a list of 57 Don Imus sympathizers on public airwaves Al Gore and John Kerry agree: people who live in greenhouses should not expel noxious gases Al Gore hired by K-Y to pro- mote Global Warming Jelly New study shows Earth's 'fever' contagious; Mars asks planets to kick 'Greenhouse Mary' out of solar system Schumer demands Karl Rove be indicted on 1976 parking ticket Al Qaeda reacts to Schumer attack: "Thank Allah we're not Republicans!" Dems: Khalid Sheik Mohamed just watched too many episodes of 24 and made all that stuff in his confession up Fitzgerald to prosecute Ann Coulter for disclosing identity of presidential candidate John Edwards Following Scooter Libby success, media demands journalists be included on all future juries Kent State professor calls for bin Laden victory: time to bring in the National Guard again? Hollywood to America: our moral issues are better than your moral issues Obama promises to "purge himself" if he loses to Hillary to spare the public a lengthy trial House vote: Insurgents react with non-binding IED Democrat leaders don't support terrorists but they support their mission North Korea agrees to nuclear disarmament, media hails Madeleine Albright Bush: I support Democrat majority - but not their mission Is it time for Pinochet yet? Helen Thomas to be inducted into Museum of Natural History
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Comrades!
Those who have not achieved the Permanent Three Day Weekend, you have only yourself to Blame for not Blaming Bush Enough! 
Oh crap! All I had to do was mention "The One" and Pinky fainted in the front row.... make room for Pinky, let her get some breathing space... that's good... Bruno! You have good hands? I have an extra bottle of Perrier here at the podium, I know it's not Evian but these are tough times and sacrifices have to be made somewhere... catch it and let Pinky sip on it. Good catch Bruno!
Cubists! I salute you! 
So you see, Party Comrades, 
With this being said, Happy May Day!
Experts: assassin hid bomb in anal cavity adjacent to brain
buy this sticker
Al-Qaeda founder discovers DNC playbook, attacks own side in war an terror
Murtha: if we quit now, capitalism will win
New Jersey teen cracked iPhone with his face
MSM spokesman: There are no civil war clashes in Gaza!
Helen Thomas to be inducted into Museum of Natural History
