Cafepress.com on many of its news pages is promoting a pro-communist store that, among hammers and red stars, also sells "Hillary Guevara" design based on the famed Che™ picture by the Cuban photographer Korda. One can buy Hillary Guevara shirts, pins, mugs, bags, baby and doggie items, and yes, boxer shorts commanding you to "vote Hillary '08." More on that later.
In our previous story we described how Cafepress.com censored our "Che is Dead" design with a hairy skull in a beret on a vague pretext of copyright infringement - while they turned a blind eye on other shopkeepers who blatantly used corporate logos and trademarks in designs that denigrated American corporations and capitalism in general.
~
I decided to stage an experiment to see if Cafepress would like the taste of their own medicine. I set up a section in my store named Cafepress is a left-wing nutjob and put together a couple of designs mocking Cafepress while using their own logo.
The designs were banned on arrival, before I even could put them on any products. Thus we proved that Cafepress will not tolerate dissing its own logo. Fair enough. Hypocritical yet explicable. Step 2 of the experiment included the same designs minus the trademarked logo.
The designs went through and I created a set of nice products with them including shirts, mugs, stickers, and thongs. Half an hour later, just as I was placing an ad for these products on my site's front page, the shop was purged without warning. Just like in the 1984 novel, my shirts became non-shirts, thongs became non-thongs, stickers became non-stickers, and the shop was clean and empty as if I hadn't just spent an hour building it.
Later that day I received the same form email from Cafepress as before. It listed a standard set of violations that, as we have already seen, Cafepress never bothers to enforce unless one makes fun of communism - or of Cafepress itself. Maybe I should've named that store "The Truth Hurts."
Since then I received this communication from Cafepress:
------------------------------------
Dear Shopkeeper,
Thank you for using CafePress.com. Unfortunately we have pended your Korda Che Guevara based image. Please understand that we feel Che is a political figure and that it is appropriate to use original, public domain or licensed images of Che on the CafePress.com Web Site, however, the Korda Che Guevara image is a photograph that is protected by copyright laws and use of the actual image, or any derivatives can be viewed as copyright infringement.
We have been in contact with the attorney for the Korda estate, and below please find his contact information. We are more than happy to allow you to use the image if you obtain permission.
Maitre Randy Yolaz Cabinet D'Avocats - Law Offices 17, Bis Avenue Foch 75116 Paris France Tel: +33 1.40.67.99.10 Fax: +33 1.45.00.69.66
Sorry for the inconvenience. Once again, we do view Che as a political figure and we allow pro or anti Che merchandise, however, your particular image is too similar to the original Korda photograph. Please note that merely altering the image is not sufficient, you need to create your own original work and it cannot resemble the unique features of the Korda photograph.
If you have any additional questions or concerns, please let us know.
In a parallel development, at about the same time, a pro-communist shop named Parallel aXis (favored and invariably promoted by Cafepress) had launched a new line of products featuring Hillary Guevara gear based on exactly the same image. Gasp! No censorship here. Apparently the term "parallel axis" also describes what Cafepress uses as moral and legal guidance.
In other words, while the Cafepress's trigger-happy legal hand was purging my online store of beret-wearing skulls because it was "too similar to the original Korda photograph," its dollar-happy marketing hand was promoting a "Vote Hillary '08" design based on the same Korda's photograph (flipping the image horizontally is not really an alteration).
Please compare these images:
The only person who might complain about the similarities would be Nick Nolte - but I don't think he cared to copyright that particular photograph.
I felt it was time to sit down and write another letter to Cafepress.com.
------------------------------------
Dear Content Usage Associate,
Please kindly explain what usage guidelines I violated to cause you censor my designs in the section of my online store named "Cafepress is a left-wing nutjob." I didn't do anything different from what many of your other users did to Burger King, McDonalds, Wal-Mart, Fox News, President Bush, etc. I didn't even deface your logo, did I?
I really feel that your actions violate my right to free speech, and here's why.
Courts have upheld that privately owned shopping malls are "Public Commons" where people have free speech rights no matter what the policies of the owners of the shopping malls. Web-sites such as CafePress, it could be argued, by allowing in the public, are Public Commons and as such don't have the right to limit anyone's free speech which includes, but not limited to, setting up a section named "Cafepress is a left-wing nutjob."
While the very concept of "Public Commons" is a purely leftist idea used by the Left to survive by parasitizing on capitalism through injecting communist propagandistic larvae into the host bodies of wealth-creating capitalists (which I guess has unfortunately happened to Cafepress at some point), I consider it a fair game to invoke this concept while fighting the Leftist infection itself.
I created my anti-Cafepress designs after you purged my online store, removing products with a picture of a hairy skull in a trademark Che™ beret. You recently responded that my image was "too similar to the original Korda photograph." But can you REALLY use that excuse after you allowed images of Hillary as Che™ be posted on Cafepress by Parallel aXis, a pro-communist store that you favor and promote in your CafePress Wire? I don't think so. With the copyright issue out of the way, what remains is blatant political censorship. This is especially ironic considering that a few years ago you were selling merchandise for a communist North Korean site promoting Juche idea of the Great Leader Kim Il Sung.
What is being done here is restraint of trade (there's no trademark for Che Guevara's skull, nor for any other items in my online store) and a violation of my First Amendment rights to free speech. You must understand that this is a serious matter.
I'm considering calling my local ACLU office in New York. They have a record of successful lawsuits protecting First Amendment rights against corporate oppression. That's right, we're back to commiespeak again. You are a big bad corporation that owns means of production (capitalist exploiter), and I am a little guy who has nothing to lose except his chains (exploited proletarian), comprende camerado? That might be a very funny follow up to be posted all over the Internet, don't you think? As it is, dozens of bloggers have already picked up this story and are salivating for more developments.
Remember Cindy Sheehan who camped out in Crawford, TX demanding that Bush meet with her and explain a few things? Don't you love the tactics of the Left? In fact, Cindy let it slip once that she didn't really want Bush to meet with her as that might put an end to her successful show. Similarly, if Cafepress apologizes and removes the restriction on anti-Che™ satire that might put an end to this particular show, and I might not want that to happen before the fun is over.
And thank you for forwarding to me the address of Che™ layer in France. I don't think I need it because I don't have to ask their permission to satirize murdering communists. I am not using Che™ to sell more of my product as Smirnoff Vodka once did. I don't have to prove anything to Maitre Randy Yolaz et al. The burden of proof is on them, so please don't place the cart before the horse.
You might want to contact Maitre Randy Yolaz with your Hillary Guevara gear, though. And while you're at it you might also inquire if this image below that I am about to upload to Cafepress might be "too similar to the original Korda photograph." Would you please do that? That would be the only permission I would like to have from a French lawyer.
Please be kind to send me a personal response. The longer you delay, the more people will be reading the blogs and the websites that are following this development - and the more potential customers Cafepress will lose.
I know you must really dislike me for doing this. But isn't this what Leftist activists (in Che™ T-Shirts) are doing on a regular basis to American corporations, trying to disrupt and destroy good, well-running businesses that are the foundation of our wellbeing? You allow it to happen in your shops without invoking the copyright infringement issues, but you had to censor my caricature of a communist demagogue rabble-rouser?
Eat your own medicine.
Comrade Red Square
----------------------------
I probably wouldn't be doing this if I didn't know that Cafepress is banning every anti-Che design on the grounds that it somewhat resembles Che's famous photograph (please see a similar story described on Che-Mart.com. But that is exactly the image that is emblazoned on the shirts of legions of brainwashed wannabe "revolutionaries." How can one visually satirize this phenomenon without alluding to the image that's in the center of it? The image had become a cultural phenomenon before copyright was claimed for it in the year 2000. Someone should've told them that it was too late to cork the bottle after the genie had already escaped. And if no one told them before, we will.
Who are "they?" Here the part where the background comes in. You can read our informative compilation here, or just go with the skinny below:
The famous picture was shot by Alberto Diaz, a fashion photographer better known as Korda, at a funeral for victims of the explosion of a French freighter transporting weapons to Cuba one year after Fidel Castro's revolution triumphed with the help of Guevara. Korda's group photograph was not printed by his newspaper the next day. Seven years later, when Italian publisher Giangiacomo Feltrinelli showed up looking for a cover picture for an edition of Che's "Bolivian Diary," Korda gave him two prints for free. Guevara was captured six months later in the Bolivian jungle, where his bid to start an armed peasant revolution ended in fiasco. On news on his death, Feltrinelli cropped the photo and published large posters that quickly sold 1 million copies. Thus the guerrilla fighter was transformed into a radical chic poster boy. Korda said he never received a penny from Feltrinelli.
But a year before his death in 2001, Korda won an out-of-court settlement of about $50,000 in a suit against Smirnoff for using Che's picture in vodka ad campaign - with the help of Western leftist lawyers, of course. Around that time Korda stated that he didn't want any money for using Che's photo to promote communism, but he objected to its use to denigrate Che's image and ideas.
There you have it - an absurd, immoral situation: not only Che™ cult is being protected by the very system he was rabidly trying to destroy, but it seems that only a pro-communist use of the image is now tolerated but an anti-communist use is verboten.
Since the Hillary Guevara use of Korda's photo obviously falls under the pro-communist category, Cafepress needn't worry.
Today Korda's daughter who lives in France owns the copyright for Che™ photo and dictates who can allude to Che™ via his image, collecting money for its commercial use. Che™ daughter who lives in Cuba is also sniffing around for some cash in lawsuits. Something tells me the two daughters would not be able to pull it off unless they had a backing of Cuba's propaganda machine. They expect us to pretend that this is nothing but a copyright issue, but it is really the issue of free speech and leftist censorship. Lawyers say it will be an uphill struggle to deter non-photographic use of such a widely reproduced image - like ours, for example. Good. Again, one can copyright a photo - but not the idea.
What needs to be done in this regard, I think, is a big publicized lawsuit in which reason has a chance to prevail. We must beat the Left at their game of information control, and create a legal precedent for the rest of us. Once we get the ball rolling it may eventually turn into a huge snowball as it picks up more issues and parties along the way. Ideally I would like to see communism itself put on trial, to kick the "moral" foundation from under its feet once and for all. I was hoping that would happen after the fall of the Soviet Union - a big trial over the Communist Party like they had one in Nuremberg over the Nazi criminals in 1945. It never happened.
Today we can still hear from the media, the academics, and Hollywood that communism isn't that bad - instead, it's the immoral power of American capitalism that threatens the world's freedom. George Clooney comes up with another anti-McCarthy movie that glorifies communist supporters. Che Guevara images are plastered all over American campuses. Communist symbols are presented as cool items in such promotions as can be found on Cafepress, for example. I'm sure that a fascist symbol will not last very long there. But what's the difference between the two? Both communism and fascism are socialist doctrines relying on big totalitarian government to stifle opposition and control the economy. Both generate a breed of militant fanatics willing to murder millions if necessary for the sake of some mythical brotherhood of the future. While both ideologies are oppressive and inhuman in their nature - rosy claims notwithstanding - the fascists didn't even come close to communists in the numbers of people they had robbed, butchered, and starved to death. Yet Cafepress seems to think it's cool to promote a "Communism Kids T-Shirt."
Well, how about "Fascism Kids T-Shirt"? I think I know what my next experiment with Cafepress will look like.
Just bought 2...one for me and another for an XXL conservative bud who'll appreciate this whole fiasco...we are the "unofficial" co-chairs of the Collin County Republican Party in The People's State of Texas.
They were scared shitless by Red Square and the ACLU, obviously
dear Komrades,
You will be happy to know that the Korda estate's barrister has his office on one of the world most expensive/Kapitalistic area (avenue Foche,Paris) in this world !!!!
Red Square, some People have to pay rent every month.....
Did the "TM" trademark appear on the first issue of "Che is Dead" before it was purged? It's there now comrades....it could be a wily capitalistic trick!
Evil Komrades! Your tickery of turning the evil Kapitalist Pig marketing voodoo on me has weakened my resolve to not rely on the government to clothe and feed my person but to spend my own money. I anticipate the 2XL will shrink a little.
With due respect and affection, perhaps it's time to just get back to what you do best, look at the world around us through your unique Socialist perspective. Fortunately, we do not live under a government run by CafePress.
I just got my "Che is Dead" shirt today! The first one off the production line! I only wish mine had come with a serial numbered (1!) certificate of authenticity, autographed by Che's skeleton. It seems of quality exceeding "Bolshevik Pride" brand standards. I also received my "Laika the Space Dog" coffee mug! Very good quality, and I only had to wait a week or so while CafePress attempted to prove to Red Square that it would be immoral to profit from an image in the Che style! I think Nick Nolte's estate is next in line to attack Red Square on moral/legal grounds. Nolte's hair style is O.K. to use in promoting "Modern Drunkard" magazine, and his estate allows that fine magazine to use the hair style for free. But Red Square does not have such permission, so he needs to cease and desist.
And, yeah, I understand what Comrade "Force Tube Avenue" is saying, the mocking of today's headlines is fun. But, on the other hand, we do live in a world run by CafePress, Hollywood, CNN, Burlington Coat Factory, CBS, Ben & Jerry's, PBS, MTV, etc. , etc., etc. And these are the pond scum we need to target because they are the ones that create our culture on a daily basis. It is they who show the masses just what is "cool" and what is not. It is they who define our culture and villianize hard work, industriousness, capitalism and conservatism. They are in the business of brainwashing so it is they who must be exposed for the ignorant intolerant red trash that they are.
Or else it is they who will raise new generations of kids who are ignorant, addicted to crap culture and who hate freedom, tolerance and hard work. Really, think about it, it is the only way they can get people to vote for Hillary, by saying she is caring and matriarchal. By only using emotion tugging buzz words instead of facts. A knowledgeable conservative can beat a liberal in a debate any time, anywhere.
But as long as our media and entertainment industry continue to promote this lie as valid and morally superior, more and more generations of Americans will grow up hating their country until it will become like Western Europe or worse. And, let's face it, Europe's social program obligations and lazy attitude has set up a system that brings in less and less and pays out all the more, and as such it is destined to fail as sure as the Soviet Union did. All they need is a little more chaos thrown into the mix, the Eiffel Tower bombed for instance (which seems to be a target as much as the WTC towers were) , and a few more cheap labor immigrations from the Middle East and that place will collapse into something altogether different and decidely worse.
Do we want this crap here? Hillary will push as hard as possible to convince Americans that they deserve such a government as well - and it is Cafe Press and MTV and all those other bullshit companies which will be Hillary's standard bearers, the ones who will "prove" legitimacy of socialism and communism by making it appear cool in their movies and merchandise. We need to fight these animals as hard as possible. Our Founding Fathers are definitely turning in their graves to see America embracing this shit philosophy; this crap mindrot of entitlement and eternal leisure. It has to be stopped and it has to be stopped now. That freak she-male cannot be allowed entrance to the White House.
I can't wait to see Red Square's next "experiment with CafePress".
Last night I went on Cafepress and created the "Che is dead" shop again, to see what happens. It has been up for more than 12 hours without purging and sold 3 "Che is Dead" shirts! Looks like my satirical attack worked!
Which means we are capable of defeating the leftist obstructionism if we just show a little effort.
Well, I'm a dead communist too!
But I wasn't purged, I was assassinated.
How cool is that?
I have a ballet named after me....OK, it's a little light in the loafers, I admit.
But still cool.
Red Square, would you be my agent?
I think it's a damn shame my buddy Kamenev can't have a trademark and a t-shirt and that lucky bastard Kirov at least got a bullet in the back of the head.
Proof of Stalin's heartfelt compassion and mercy.
He should be grateful.
Irony in the pursuit of freedom and justice is no vice. Their intellects are so negligible that they can't muster any weapons of argument against their own collectivist ideas, such as the "Public Commons." The Left's weapons in the hands of their intellectual betters become dangerous weapons indeed. Irony is a delicious dish. Comrade Red Square, I'm proud to know you.
I am very confused about what I see as anti-Communist propaganda here. Has there been an infiltration of so-called "free market" types? I, for one, feel that Cafepress is fully justified in rejecting this slander.
The Soviets were outstanding at generating employment, education, and yes, physical capital...
Quote
Communist growth rates were certainly impressive...The rapid growth in output could be fully explained by rapid growth in inputs: expansion of employment, increases in education levels, and, above all, massive investment in physical capital.
They were prudent and forward-thinking...
Quote
Rapid Soviet economic growth was based entirely on one attribute: the willingness to save, to sacrifice current consumption for the sake of future production.
The Soviet Union was an economic wonder...
Quote
...it is hard for most people to realize that there was a time when the Soviet economy, far from being a byword for the failure of socialism, was one of the wonders of the world--that when Khrushchev pounded his shoe on the U.N. podium and declared, "We will bury you," it was an economic rather than a military boast.
In light of the many brave Soviet achievments, I salute Cafepress. In a just world, there would be no room for so-called "free market" lies.
To set the record straight about Communism (again!),
The Soviets were outstanding at generating employment, education, and yes, physical capital...
They were prudent and forward-thinking...
The Soviet Union was an economic wonder...
Talk about irony. The Soviet Union was an economic powerhouse but just about everyone lived in collectivist pigsty squaller. An American economist writes glowingly of the economic strength of a nation that basically had no economy. Mr. Kurgman, your brains are the dynamite of revolution. You sir, are a dangerous man.
To set the record straight about Communism (again!),
The Soviets were outstanding at generating employment, education, and yes, physical capital...
They were prudent and forward-thinking...
The Soviet Union was an economic wonder...
Talk about irony. The Soviet Union was an economic powerhouse but just about everyone lived in collectivist pigsty squaller. An American economist writes glowingly of the economic strength of a nation that basically had no economy.
Quote
Mr. Kurgman, your brains are the dynamite of revolution. You sir, are a dangerous man.[/
quote]
I'm sorry, but if brains were dynamite, Kurgman wouldn't have enough to blow his own nose.
Rapid Soviet economic growth was based entirely on one attribute: the willingness to save, to sacrifice current consumption for the sake of future production.
Do i detect a little Cobb-Douglas?
What about Japans slow growth rate
in the 90's and thier high savings rate
Return to your collective at once and do not leave it until you develop a keen sense of political satire!!!!!
Meet "Black Maria" in front of your house at 0345 tomorrow morning - with 50 kilograms of food and personall belongings (enough to last a minimum of the 3 months journey to the Peoples Progressive Agri-Surf Collective)!!!
Comrade Curly - People's Commisariat of Progressive Proper Political Satire
LIVING IN AMERICA!! Ha! Ellsie you nailed it! This ties it all together doesn't it? The Brown/Nolte photos are prime examples of what happens when people are given the "freedoms" of the decadent capitalist fascist lifestyle! The are not proud Revolutionaries doing the People's executionary duty as our Comrade Che. Look at the cold determination in Comrade Che's eyes. Now look at the broken spirit of Brown and Nolte! Why, Brown could barely even beat a female comrade (and not even to death) let alone gloriously fill mass graves as our Brother Che had done. Onward Red Comrades!!
If not for Madame Hillary -the People's Leader - I might have become a drooling, white Judeo-Christian capitalist running dog, exploiting all of mankind and driving a gas guzzling SUV - and pooing in a full flush toilet. Instead - thanks to her concept of the village commune - I have been raised in the utopian community where every woman is my Mommy or sisters, all men my Daddy or brothers (it's a little confusing at mating time - but a little puff, puff, fffttt, and viola - no problem maaan), I ride a donkey cart to the fields everyday and -even though it really stinks-like dude - really baaaad - I use the flush-less toity (tm/invented by A.Gorr) and don't waste any of the ever dwindling supply of water (much of it now concentrated in New Orleans and contained so that it can be bottled and sold by arch evil capitalist - H.$$ Burtton).
So you see, Madame Hillary is close to my heart and as a small token of gratitude I wish to purchase the fine Hillary-Guanovera '08 undergarments - so that she may also be close to - another part of my anatomy.
Power to the Peeeeeople!!!
Village Idiot
Just received my 2 T shirts, and yes the quality is quite fine...much better than typical proletariate quality...I will wear it like a badge of honor!!
No doubt about it.... I Feel Good... Like I knew that I would... I feeeeeel Good Like I knew that I would. Sooo Good Soooo Good I got Yooouuuuu... thanks Red Bull!
Hahaha! oh man! this is great!
I really want one of those shirts!
And my girlfriend would love that underwear.
that is such a great picture of her. Rotten capitalist swine!
Onward yeh children of revolution.
Yoni from horsesring.com
The uncontested absurdities of today are the accepted slogans
of tomorrow. They come to be accepted by degrees, by precedent,
by implication, by erosion, by default, by dint of constant
pressure on one side and constant retreat on the other -
until the day when they are suddenly declared to be the country's
official ideology. ~ Ayn Rand
Write down this number and report to your Kommissar at the nearest railroad station.
Don't forget warm clothes and a shovel!
NY Times, Newsweek offer editorial inoculations to concerned readers of Sarah Palin's book
Going Rogue: FEMA braces for massive outbreaks of Palin Derangement Syndrome
Following Fort Hood tragedy, Obama declares all military bases gun-free zones
Pelosi: we won.
Philies: so did we
Study: Global Warming linked to consumption of beans and beef patties
Pro-Obama gamers discover 'cheat codes' in U.S. Constitution
Police trained in using end of life counselingtechniques to negotiate suicide threats
Obama commits more troops to War on Fox News, still awaiting Afghan troop surge
Pass Rush: NFL okays Fidel Castro's bid to buy Miami Dolphins
Study: the road to hell paved with Nobel Peace Prizes
Obama wins Nobel Peace Prize. Wishing all our readers a Happy April First!
Roman Polanski named new School Safety Czar in wake of Jennings scandal
Charles Manson: 'Leave Polanski alone, hasn't he suffered enough?'
Obama loses Olympic bid, will try for Special Olympics next
Carter: if the IOC doesn't give the Olympics to Chicago, they're racists
Saudis: the word 'assassina- tion' will never be the same
Al Qaeda: 'We shove bombs up our butts'
Richard Gere denies Al Qaeda membership
Experts: assassin hid bomb in anal cavity adjacent to brain
Study: 90% of G20 protestors driven to Pittsburgh by mom
Ahmadinejad: Iran needs enriched uranium to purchase large IKEA sofa
Obama: If we don't bomb Iran now, we'll never pass healthcare reform
Taliban hires DC lobbyist in effort to get Obama's attention
Missile defense: Czechs angry at Obama for being canceled
Media study: Caucasian toddlers are more likely to cut eye-holes into "blankies"
Democrat strategist: 9 out of 10 white infants prefer cross burning over mother's milk
Mahmoud’s Liquidation Warehouse: 50% off Israel - this weekend only - it won’t last long
Obama: Black kids still forced to beat people up at back
of bus
Charlie Gibson: Neil Armstrong went where?
Obamacare, it’s finger-licking good!
Ben and Jerry release 'Hate Monger Bigot' flavor to celebrate those who support traditional marriage
'Shiver me Timbers!': Somalia unveils People's Institute for Redistribution, Adventurism & Thalassic Extortion (PIRATE)
Energy Czar: to save energy, the light at the end of the tunnel will be turned off
Other 49 states impose carbon tax on California due to wildfire smoke
Following Scotland's lead, US Justice Dept releases Charles Manson, citing battle with chronic hemorrhoids
Obama to media: Please respect our girls' privacy, especially Mr. Letterman
Teachable moment: Obama to hold 'beer summit' between offended Post Office and UPS
Taliban sends protesters to Afghan town hall meetings in attempt to get Obama administration to withdraw Gotham villains working for the Common Good™
White House recalibrates description of town hall protesters from 'terrorists' to 'man-made Nazi fascist pigs'
Experts: when buying Astroturf, remember to look for the Union LabelNational-socialist health care?
Drudge insulates self from White House anger by naming his site MoveOn.Drudge
ABC greenlights epic 12-part miniseries based on Beer Summit
Moveon.org petitions Dems to leave Bush/Cheney alone and 'move on to pressing issues facing the nation'
Palin: Critics ipso facto are quitters
Honduran ex-president Zelaya holds press- conference, presents birth certificate for examination
Cambridge: fighting racial bias, Obama picks black scholar Henry Louis Gates as Door Jigging Czar
Obama: white cop acted like inexperienced rookie, but being one I may be biased
On the international front: Obama brings back Cold War, switches sides
Signs of recovery: WH study finds number of searches for 'economic depression' on Google lower than it could have been under FDR
Obama inherited broken teleprompter from George W Bush
Zelaya: we support the democratically-elected President of the USA, even though he has strongly opposed American policies
Eco group 'Earth First' protests burying non- biodegradeable body of Michael Jackson under the ground
Study: Media orgasm over Michael Jackson's death oddly appropriate
SPONSORED BY:
Secretary of the Interior vows to turn Neverland Ranch into 'King of Pop' National Monument
Riots in Iran: Obama invokes Starfleet Prime Directive - non-interference with social development of native planet even at the cost of own life
Obama hurts a fly, forgets to read Miranda rights
ACLU: fly murder by slapping unconstitutional
Obama mistakes Inspector General for a private CEO, orders him to resign
DHS simplifies procedures, cuts learning curve, renames all terrorism 'right-wing'
Earth may collide with Venus in 3.5 billion years. We must act NOW!!!
CBS study: statutory rape jokes not as hilarious as previously thought
White House tree commits suicide over economic policy
Obama: 'I inherited this tree from George W. Bush'
Obama to economy: 'make like a tree and collapse'
In Cairo, Obama promotes shovel-ready projects for Muslim communities
Obama's comment linking Islam to algebra sets off anti-Islam riots in US inner-city schools
Keith Olbermann rises to #1 on Larry Craig's 'Top ten liberals I'd like to sodomize' list
Ahmadinejad hands out potatoes to corner Irish-Iranian vote
Lady Justice undergoes extreme makeover on TV, becomes sexier, more empathetic, less blind visit our new Che Heart store
Obama: "We must work to rid the world of nuclear weapons and of Israel too while we're at it"
Obama to impose a cap on temperatures for patients in government-subsidized hospitals
Brady Campaign to Prevent Cereal Violence applauds gov't crackdown on cheerios, calls for registration of cereal bowls
Obama's rich supporters chagrined to find he's a class worrior and not the cynical hypocrite they'd counted on
Congress nationalizes DeBeers, changes marketing slogan to 'government programs are forever'
Sen. Specter: 'we could be energy-independent by now if Republicans invested in eternal engine research'
Kentucky Derby winner admits to having no specific strategy: I just kept repeating 'hope' and 'change' and I won... wow!
Never waste a good crisis: Obama uses swine flu epidemic to put a mask on Joe Biden
Study: exposure to pork- barrel projects heightens risk of catching swine flu
Islamic scholars green-light use of government pork by Muslim groups: 'not haram'
DHS Napolitano's preferred man-made disaster color warnings: chocolate, vanilla, strawberryDow Jones rally prompted by record sales of tea bags on April 15
WH: Obama's handshake with Saudi King looked like a bow as King Abdullah's arms are twice as long as human arms but atrophy prevents useDHS tip on spotting a right- wing extremist: watch out for the one carrying a paycheck
Opposed to teabagging, Pelosi accepts motion to expel Congressperson Barney Frank
Spring cleaning tip: don't forget to change your scientific consensus from winter setting "climate change" to summer setting "global warming"
Obama uses old Bush-era teleprompter for Baghdad speech
Segway and GM launch a 2-wheeled contraceptive
Obama's stern reaction to North Korea missile launch: "I'm tellin'!"Lenin laughs ass off over crisis in capitalism Scientists: Lenin statue expelled no harmful gases, only dialectical materialism Obama gives Queen a shovel click here NBC: We are all Special Olympians now, especially Olbermann
Obama's teleprompter caught moonlighting as AmEx spokesperson: 'Don’t leave home without it'
click here for the story Alabama gunman was trying to 'be more like Europeans' After shootings, EU threatens potential mass murderes with increased paperwork and red tape Oil prices rising; most viable solution is blame Limbaugh Obama to bring Cuba in from the cold; political prisoners to remain outside Healthcare crisis: Planned Parenthood forced to offer 2 abortions for the price of 1; 50% off if you refer a friend Hillary presents Russian Foreign Minister Lavrov with the People's Cube CLICK HERE FOR THE STORY Obama's Reaganesque address: "I've just declared peace on the Soviet Union. The bonging will start in five minutes" Satellite launched to confirm global warming: finds none, crashes in Antarctica in protest Al-Qaeda founder discovers DNC playbook, attacks own side in war an terror Obama to slash deficit after increase; firefighters to quench house after setting fire to it
Treasury Dept buys Monopoly board game for policy advice Democrats pay back their constituents, save faltering squeegee businesses from collapsing
Muslim group offended by pork hidden in stimulus package, threatens revenge Obama appoints guilt czar to oversee fair distribution of guilt among all Americans Size matters: stimulus package so big it won't even fit on Drudge No help from Obama to storm-ravaged Kentucky; officials consider renaming state to New Orleans in effort to get attention Politico: volcano trouble in Alaska a result of Palin's policies MoveOn adopts Bush's cowboy diplomacy: 'You're either with Obama or Rush' Obama urges liberals to start listening to Rush Limbaugh: 'all too often we start by dictating on issues and don't always know all the factors involved. So let's listen.' More bad economic news: area antiwar group lays off its bumper sticker makers Dissent no longer patriotic: Obama Reminder to Hollywood celebrities: must change 'patriotic' setting from 'hate America' to 'love America' on Jan. 20 Obama promises to Photoshop a better future for America You won't be told lies if you don't ask questions: Obama's new media policy Personals: senate seats available in NY & Il. Hardly ever used. Cash OK. Change we can believe in: Clinton 1990s staffers Somali pirates hijack international space station Starting with 11/5/08, the cor- rect progressive greeting in America is "Barack Obama!" The reply is "Obama Barack!" Laika the Space Dog consi- dered for new White House pet: "Thoroughly vetted by Bill Ayers" CHANGE: President-elect Obama crushes Yankee imperialism in a landslide
Seven Obama cousins found living in voting boothUS choppers attack ACORN voter registration center in Syria US military: We decided to strike now because this time next year we’ll be a Peace Keeping force Biden predicts severe test for Obama in first six months: another question from Joe the Plumber Obama: Let he who is without wealth cash the first check! Joe Biden: work is a four-letter word
FBI investigates Mickey Mouse Club for voter fraud Embarrassed ACORN accidentally registers 'Ronald Reagan' Kids' hymns to Obama a success of Democrat strategy: If you can't abort them, indoctrinate them World to USA: 'Fix world ecomonic crisis so we can get back to hating you' Obama's campaign invites opponents to play 'Truth or Jail' Biden: Hoover text-messaged Americans to calm fears during 1929 crashDead support Obama, all are registered to vote by ACORN Biden calls taxes patriotic Study: Jesus spoke without a telepromter Obama promises free lipstic for everybody if elected KARAOKE: These Are The Jerks We Call Journalists Obama's negotiations with Gustav prove fruitful; storm spares "French Quarter" Feminist group: Sarah Palin worst mother since June Cleaver; decried as "too feminine" Obama: leave Bristol alone, she has been punished enough with a baby Putin shoots tiger with Polonium-laced dart Obama: ready from day one to place a call to UN if a US city is nuked Cult of personality at the People's Cube is up 90% compared to previous Five-Year Plan Congress established windfall tax on US gold medals International Olympic Committee to redistribute Phelp's ill-gotten golds to less fortunate athletes Obama beats Hillary to coveted CPUSA endorsement February 2050 declared White History Month. Future headlines expected to read "Minorities hardest hit... and deservedly so." Obama denounces Russia's actions; humbled Russia sends self to Gulag US trade deficit dropped; NYT instructs readers to turn paper upside down for more favorable view of graph Sharpton protests disproportionate deaths of Bernie Mac and Isaac Hayes, calls for immediate deaths of David Letterman and Billy Joel to even score Science to unveil invisible cloak; Conservative White Christian male in NJ says he's been invisible for years NYT: Russia's invasion of Georgia leaves much smaller carbon footprint than US invasion of Iraq Larry the Cable Guy issues call to "man the pick up trucks" as Russia invades Georgia Edwards claims he was having affair with camera, didn't notice woman attached Chavez's parents cut off Hugo's credit card after Moscow shopping binge Oil industry to Pelosi: You've been given a brain. Use it or lose it. Congress to declare July 19th International Swimmers' Day
How many superdelegates does it take to change a lightbulb? Photoshopped Iranian missile saves 25% on Islamic Republic's carbon footprint
Word of the day: HUSSIES n. Female Obama supporters changing their middle names to HusseinObama: we have always been at peace with Hillary ClintonGrand Rapids Mayor George Heartwell vows city will be "vanilla" when rebuilt Media grows impatient with Iowa's lack of flood-related rapes and pillaging: Why can't they be more like New Orleans? CNN investigates Iowans caught blowing FEMA debit cards at Tractor Supply Company Obama: WTC problem ended on 9/11, Pentagon still a problemHillary supporters organize against Obama Janet Reno congratulates Elian Gonzalez on joining Cuba's Young Communists
Dick Durbin denies that being Hell's spokesperson and moonlighting as a Democrat Senator presents a conflict of interest Flooding in Iowa causes typical white people to turn bitter and cling to evacuation procedures Democrat energy policy: let them eat cake Monica Lewinsky endorses Obama: 'This is not the Bill Clinton I knew' NASA unveils 'ass-crack' space suit for plumbing repairs at int'l space station Dead people at Obama's rally identified as a renegade splinter group of Hillary's 'invisible Americans' Howard Dean: dead people will vote Democrat no matter who gets the nomination Mainstream media silent on increased attacks on US troops by mainstream media Sen. Kennedy under treatment. Mary Jo still dead Muanmar drafts Mayor Nagin and Gov. Blanco to help with cyclone clean up New Orleans Mayor sends school buses to Myanmar As Darfur violence surges, world vows not to give a crap unless the US gets involved Chinese citizens crushed by bricks and rubble; tanks have day off
Friendly fire: BBC office hit by al-Qaeda rocket Al Gore knows what caused Burma cyclone but won't say it International community promises to suspend anti- Americanism until after American aid reaches Burma Mainstream media saddened that Austrian pedophile isn't a Catholic priest, a Baptist minister, or a GOP senator
North Korea's nuclear technicians protest outsourcing jobs to Syria Earth Day: save the planet, starve the children! Focus group: if water boarding was a sexual preference, they'd be teaching it in public schools Study: Wall Street losses unfairly target the rich Mixed month for MTV: teen pregnancy drops, however STDs are on the rise Obama pledges to give every typical small town family a possum sandwich Delays at American Airlines: a sneak peak into proposed government healthcare Stop and smell the Sharpies Obama: baby is punishment; tax increase is bundle of joy Media: this year's Global Bad News Awareness week to overlap with International Good News Obliviousness month NPR journalists go on truckers-style protest over high price of lattes Most popular April Fools joke: "A Democrat president won't raise taxes" Obama denounced extreme statements in Osama's new tape but urged voters to listen to the entire message before making judgment Obama's speech calls for change in stereotyping "the typical White person" Spitzer denies applying hardball tactics in front of bathroom mirror and threatening to come after himself New York State House retires Spitzer's #9 jersey KKK endorses Harvard's gym segregation policy: 'Blacks and Jews are next' London quake caused by SUV, now impounded by Scotland Yard Hillary's healthcare plan to include smelling salts for Obama's supporters and mandatory amputation of Chris Matthews' leg USMail Service to publish Obama's resume on new stamp Obama: one man's plagiarism is another man's audacity Candidate Barry O'Bama to court Irish vote Berkeley ousting US Marines gives hope to al Qaeda: 'If hippies can do it, so can we!' Berkley builds wall around self; man trying to flee 'Peace Sanctuary City' shot at checkpoint John McCain apologizes for going to Vietnam, earns Jane Fonda's endorsement To avoid scorn and ridicule, Tom Cruise converts to Islam NY Times: Backward, close-minded, inbred southern hicks vote for Obama NY Times: All the news that's fit to pimp Dems offer first female for President, first Black for President, first pretty pony for Attorney General Brokeback Mountain loses climber NASA's Spirit Rover finds Dennis Kucinich campaign on MarsLas Vegas: candidates offer plans to bail out flustered gamblers Feds: subprime borrowers' relief package to include subprime rib Silence in Cuba: Castro too ill to speak in public, Cubans too afraid to speak Dems adopt old British "don't mention the war" strategy for '08 campaign Obama's 'Take a penny, leave a penny' economic plan sparks new hope Obama's campaign hires homeless people to talk about change on street corners Panhandlers Union endorses Obama's plan for change Al Gore's children receive carbon credits for Winter Solstice Holiday Democrats call for troop surge in the War on Bush Murtha: if we quit now, capitalism will win Pelosi declares she likes class war, pledges to stay the course Expert blames Republicans for not attacking all Democrat candidates equally High school Meth teacher starts new class Holy Mitt! Violence in Iraq down 60%; media stories reporting this down 6000% Imus covers all bases by hiring undocumented-Black- Jewish-homeless- transgendered-vegan- disabled-obese-Kartina- victim as a sidekick Poll: most Muslims find curvature of Riemannian manifolds offensive "How The Grinch Redistributed Winter Solstice" opens on Broadway Left-wing bloggers hold vigil hoping suspect is connected to GOP candidate Hostage situation expected to be politicized in the next 20 minutes "Mall security" takes over operations in Baghdad New study suggests that 1 US gallon of Latte is 170 times more expensive than 1 US gallon of Regular gasoline. Al Gore sterilizes self to protect planet: 'Having children is selfish' NY Times: some news is fitter to print than others Study: most Americans will be worried about economy if told so often enough Musharraf changes name to Chavez to avoid being called "dictator" by MSM and Democrats in US Congress Media changes old adage "no news is good news" to "no good news is news" US Congress extends hurricane season until the first Sunday in November Lack of bad news from Iraq causes media recession. Women and minority journalists hardest hit. LA Times drops term "wild" describing fire, uses "undocumented" fire instead USA Today: big fires are getting bigger, small fires are getting smaller Reid: Global Warming caused fire by overheating arsonist's head, provoking delusional paranoia MoveOn.org pressures Congress to stop fighting fire and bring firemen home Reid: The war on fire is lost Pelosi: The number of fires has gone up since we started fighting fire Kerry: If you don't do well in school you'll get stuck fighting fire in California NY Times: Fighting fire creates even more fires Harry Reid auctions clothes, furniture, car on eBay in effort to make millions off his name. "If Limbaugh can do it so can I." No takers so far. Princess Leia Organa presents the Alderaanian Medal of Honor to Al Gore Did Che Guevara descend from Prophet Mohammed? San Andreas Fault in California preemptively renamed George Bush's Fault Media Matters editor blows self up over Limbaugh's 'bomber' remark End of Ramadan brings new rioting season to France Harry Reid bangs shoe on table: "We will bury you!" Dutch follow Ahmadinejad's lead, declare "there are no dykes in Holland" Ahmadinejad to Amerika: "Don't tase me, bro!" Bomb Girl and Taser Boy sell rights to their characters to Marvel Comics Cindy Sheehan hires Bomb Girl and Taser Boy as image consultants CBS stands by firing of Dan Rather: "He couldn't tell our logo from a hole in the ground" Jessie Jackson on Obama: "too White." Obama on Jackson: "I'm a smoke dat biatch if I see him"
Tasered victim at John Kerry's speech to receive Purple Heart Mugabe blames Zimbabwe's meltdown on Global Warming To stomp out possible confusion, MSM changes spelling of Obama to Ubama Craving acceptance from liberals, General Petraeus gains 300lbs and debuts report at Cannes. George Soros stops funding Democrats, converts to Islam Edwards: 41% of American children don't have lawyers John Edwards proposes "single payer" trial lawyer insurance for all, mandatory pre-jurisprudence care Illegal aliens kill people Americans won't killDemocrats select 2008 presidential slogan: "Death to America" Larry "Happy Feet" Craig uses Michael Flatley's Riverdance defense "Americans Coming Together" admit they had timing issues Presbyterian clergy issue fatwah calling for Pope's deathNew Jersey teen cracked iPhone with his face Vick awaits doggie-style welcome in prison Rock star behaves like rap star: huge media outcry China's recall of defective Daily Kos bloggers causes suicides among Democrat strategists Al Gore to recall the Internet Media declares September National Bridge Awareness Month First New Orleans, now Minnesota: Anderson Cooper travels up the Mississippi without a paddle Ray Nagin pledges to build a chocolate bridge instead William Jefferson spotted under collapsed bridge retrieving mystery package Cannibalism, rape, looting, republicanism rampant in Minneapolis Lindsay Lohan to enter astronaut training program Nigeria's plan to nationalize local spam industry sparks massive riots in Lagos
Democrat Congress's two major victories: minimum wage increase and al-Qaeda's restored operating capability London Mayor Livingston mandates Sharia law at nightclubs to prevent further bombings Taliban spokesman blames media bias as civilian deaths from US air strikes grab headlines: "Taliban has murdered thousands of civilians and we can't even get mentioned on Countdown with Olbermann. What gives?"Back alley massage parlors now offering "better ending than Sopranos" Bush to close Gitmo, detainees released into Mexican custody to be put on fast track to US citizenship
Study: Dan rather still unable to tell the difference between Paris Hilton and Katie Couric Civil war in Gaza: if it's not in Iraq why report it? US media increasingly impatient at lack of civil war in IraqUS Embassy in Syria warns of sex attacks. So how long will Bill be visiting for? Delighted Dems: "The surge has failed!"MSM spokesman: There are no civil war clashes in Gaza! Palestinians still wonder why their real civil war can't knock Iraq "civil war" off the front page As Albanians welcome Bush and show love for USA, NY Times offers them free subscriptions to "solve problem" Paris gets out of jail faster than an illegal immigrant Socialist utopia takes foothold in Venezuela as water cannons salute victory Pelosi: "I've seen climate change." John Fogerty of CCR also wants to know "if she's ever seen rain" Democrats call for troop withdrawal from Jersey Harry Reid: "Troop presence in New Jersey creating more terrorists" French riot police deployed as open minded, tolerant socialists expected to react to election results Progressives concerned with Sarkozy's "extremist agenda " of rule of law and assimilation to French culture Dems: War needs deadline; only social policies can run indefinitely Sheryl Crow to wipe out global warming one butt at a time Va Tech lessons for MSM: must ban guns, rich kids ACLU calls for calm, fears backlash against innocent gun owners: 'all gun owners aren't terrorists' Liberal groups join gun tolerance and awareness workshops Gun owners converting to Islam in droves to ward off profiling Sharp jump in number of 'non-decapitated' babies following Supreme Court decision Sharpton makes a list of 57 Don Imus sympathizers on public airwaves Al Gore and John Kerry agree: people who live in greenhouses should not expel noxious gases Al Gore hired by K-Y to pro- mote Global Warming Jelly New study shows Earth's 'fever' contagious; Mars asks planets to kick 'Greenhouse Mary' out of solar system Schumer demands Karl Rove be indicted on 1976 parking ticket Al Qaeda reacts to Schumer attack: "Thank Allah we're not Republicans!" Dems: Khalid Sheik Mohamed just watched too many episodes of 24 and made all that stuff in his confession up Fitzgerald to prosecute Ann Coulter for disclosing identity of presidential candidate John Edwards Following Scooter Libby success, media demands journalists be included on all future juries Kent State professor calls for bin Laden victory: time to bring in the National Guard again? Hollywood to America: our moral issues are better than your moral issues Obama promises to "purge himself" if he loses to Hillary to spare the public a lengthy trial House vote: Insurgents react with non-binding IED Democrat leaders don't support terrorists but they support their mission North Korea agrees to nuclear disarmament, media hails Madeleine Albright Bush: I support Democrat majority - but not their mission Is it time for Pinochet yet? Helen Thomas to be inducted into Museum of Natural History