As you may remember, in Dec. 2007, Iran's official propaganda website used our spoof image "Iran heart Jews" to illustrate a "current truth" that Jews are welcome in the Islamic Republic of Iran (see below).
~ Self-inflicted poetic justice: Part I
The original Farsi-language placard says "Nuclear power is our absolute right," meaning that the image was used as a propaganda tool to justify Iran's nuclear program - so it could threaten and maybe even annihilate the Jews in Israel.
In our spoof, we changed the message to the complete opposite, making it appear improbable. To be fair, the Mullahs' story about Iran's love for the Jews was just as improbable. It was only logical to put them together.
The Iranian Mullahs fell for it and used our spoof that ridiculed their stupid lies, to back more of their stupid lies, thus proving our original point that (a) they lie and (b) they are stupid.
Self-inflicted poetic justice: Part II
Here's another advice: learning Photoshop basics may get you a large star on the kitchen refrigerator and a bumper sticker for your mom that says "My Child Is Beet of the Week at The People's Cube" (curtesy of Commissarka Pinkie), but if you really, really want to defeat the Great Satan and its Zionist puppets (or is it the other way around?) you have to go beyond the clone stamp and learn how to apply the smudge tool. You will see how much fun it really is, once you get the hang of it.
That said, we must commend Iran's Propaganda Directorate for the innovative, energy-saving way to intimidate the Zionists. One fake missile out of four amounts to 25% savings in greenhouse emissions (data obtained by Marshal Pupovich).
We thank them for the moral, environmentally conscious approach to nuclear holocaust. We can only wish the Pentagon's nuclear mushrooms in Nevada Desert had also been photoshopped! That would have protected the environment, reduced the carbon footprint, and - as an added bonus - we would be all speaking Russian and using the metric system!
So, after all, the Iranian government, its elite Revolutionary Guards, and its Ministry of Culture and Islamic Guidance deserve Pinkie's prestigious Beet of the Week Award, which comes with a coupon book good for 25 rubles worth of goods and services at Vlad's Discount Military Hardware, yours for only $100.00.
We'll also ask Pinkie to send their moms bumper stickers that say "My Child Is Beet of the Week at The People's Cube." Coming Soon: Bumper stickers that say, "My Kid Had Your Beet of the Week Kid Purged."
This post was prompted by an email from the masses:
Comrade Rogue wrote
In Lenin's name, greetings, Comrade!
In the People's glorious news item, The People's Cube Pwns Iranian Propaganda, you noted that the Iranians must learn to Photoshop ideologically correct images themselves. And praise Marx, thanks to their glorious People's Five-Year Photoshop Project, they have now done so! Glory to the great Iranian People's Revolution, long may they stand against the imperialist pig-dogs!
Comrade Rogue
For this, Comrade Rogue also receives Pinkie's prestigious Beet of the Week Award:
Comrade Cube, don't you feel that this was the right thing for the Iranians to do? After all.they were able to cut back on their carbon footprint by 25% in this method! If only we would photoshop more of our tests!
I hope Faux News doesn't get a hold of this story. Thankfully, we control the DNC's P.R. Dept. (ABC, NBC, CBS, and CNN) and can make them keep their mouths closed on this.
What's scary is the fact that they're trying to develop nuclear weapons and they can't do a passable job using Photoshop™. I just hope they do the same quality of work when they manufacture the triggering mechanism.
Why don't they just cut to the chase and photoshop total victory over the Zionists? They could then go around doing a Gore-like schtick claiming that everyone else is denying the reality of zionistlessness.
Zionistlessness? I think I have been too much chewing the qaat. I denounce myself.
Red Bubba, that Total Victory shot above is Propaganda Picture Of The Week! Is it proper to applaud you while you're denouncing yourself? What's the etiquette here?
I see no problem here. As you recall, I was more than proud to denounce myself, For the Common Good™ of course. Comrade Bubba did well to denounce himself.
Self-denunciation is a favorite Party tradition, standing between reporting family to the KGB and self-criticism with a side arm. Call me crazy, but I also like self-criticism with a shovel and often proscribe it to comrades as a path to self-correction and thoughtcrime prevention.
Yes, self-denuciation and its associated activities can be a rewarding pastime, both for the individual and the Party. I fondly remember performing corrective surgery on myself, which was exhilirating!
Comrade Red Bubba, qaat is good for you. But don't let me stand in the way of your self-denunciation.
Once again, we have proof that Iran is a peaceful country. The US of KKKA never photoshops their missile launches! This only shows we need to unilaterally meet with the mullahs, without any preconditions. Wait, didn't the messiah CHANGE his mind on that? Oh now I remember... this week's theme is Kansas values. Yes that's it... we need to invite the Iranians to a Kansas style BBQ without any conditions (or whatever they do in Kansas).
Red Bubba, I bet Fourth of July May Day celebrations at your house are a blast!
A timely observation. All of us here in the breezy atmosphere of Hope and Change at the People's Sewage Treatment Plant will be suspending all reason and common sense and celebrating "National Summer Learning Day" which is our Great Hopeful Helmsman's greatest legislative accomplishment. Apparently it was a one-time 2007 deal, but we can be nostalgic for the time when BHO was pushing his bold progressive agenda for the common good. I mean, "learning", you can imagine how many conservatives opposed this bill? Cheney must have slept through the day or he would have made EGWB veto the resolution.
S. Res. 268: A resolution designating July 12, 2007, as "National Summer Learning Day"Bill
Comrade Bubba, thank you once again for pointing out the important work done by the Obamessiah. I noticed yet another example of the great work he has done at that site:
"Statistic: Barack Obama missed 268 of 1240 votes (22%) since Jan 6, 2005 (Exceedingly Poor relative to peers)."
That the Obamessiah had the good sense to absent himself from so many votes taken by a Congress with a 9% approval rating speaks well of this wise man. It is all in the progressive way to look at facts Comrades.
Premier, you are of course correct. With PeoplesMath™ Obamessiah's voting record is the best record in legislative history, and the Congress in which he serves the most popular! Good catch!
Comrades, we must congratulate our Iranian Islamic comrades.
I shall personally don my skimpiest belly dancer outfit and do a dance of the seven veils for our beloved mullahs. Then I shall volunteer to be the seventy-third virgin for the next Iranian martyr and personally introduce him to Allah!
I was also also wondering who the mystery "hairy arm-pitted women" could be since Pinkie was nowhere near this thread, and Margaret's armpits are as hairless as her uncle Kaching's forehead.
Comrade, I must protest your slander of revolutionary women. I shave my armpits daily.
If you persist in such defamatory posts, I shall whack you over the head with my curling iron.
XOXOXOXO
Nadezhda Alliluyeva
I knew there was something I liked about revolutions!:
Getting wacked!
Now you know how I got my Avatar.
Surly, Comrade Alliluyeva, you must see many car wagon wrecks everyday?
Okay,I wasn't aware of the revolutionary clout that one could engender by not shaving one's armpits....sounds like a breeding ground for revolutionary stank, if you ask me.
I'm as progressive as I can possibly be,but I'll take a pass on the hairy revolution.
Okay,I wasn't aware of the revolutionary clout that one could engender by not shaving one's armpits....sounds like a breeding ground for revolutionary stank, if you ask me.
I'm as progressive as I can possibly be,but I'll take a pass on the hairy revolution.
Now wait just a minute.... how many shaved armpits do you see at a Code Pink rally? Ir Woodstock for that matter? Only the republican oppressors women are bound to shaving their armpits, a most unnatural condition I might add. I am seriously questioning some of the progressive spirit I see around here.
Comrade, I must protest your slander of revolutionary women. I shave my armpits daily.
If you persist in such defamatory posts, I shall whack you over the head with my curling iron.
XOXOXOXO
Nadezhda Alliluyeva
I knew there was something I liked about revolutions!:
Getting wacked!
Now you know how I got my Avatar.
Surly, Comrade Alliluyeva, you must see many car wagon wrecks everyday?
Yes comrade Navigator. There are many wagon wrecks daily. Such are undoubtedly caused by reactionary saboteurs or perhaps global warming.
Now wait just a minute.... how many shaved armpits do you see at a Code Pink rally?
/karacter off
ROTFLMAO!!!
That got my morning off to a good laugh. And it made me wonder.... Can them thar' Code Pink-Os braid their armpit hair? And hang little beads from them?
How close can one shave one's armpits with a shovel?
Comrade Marshall, with all due respect, I use the bayonet on my AK-47. Here is a recent photo of me entertaining the Politburo at Comrade Zinoviev's dacha. Does this not look like a close shave to you?
Now wait just a minute.... how many shaved armpits do you see at a Code Pink rally? Ir Woodstock for that matter? Only the republican oppressors women are bound to shaving their armpits, a most unnatural condition I might add. I am seriously questioning some of the progressive spirit I see around here.
Comrade Marshall, I must protest again. How many forced labor camps do Code Pink run? How many reactionaries have they executed in the past week? They are mere amateurs.
I can't believe I'm having to make a post on this particular subject, and in mixed company, no less.
All Hussies have hairless pits, because the Sacred Feminine Michelle Magdalene does, and we have been constantly assured that she is Just Like Us. We are eagerly awaiting further light from her as to how the hair should be removed, whether it is by razor, wax, shovel, bayonet, or a hockey stick, etc. We have great faith that further information on this very important issue will be made available to us at any moment, anywhere.
In the meantime, the VRWC will saturate the blogosphere with petty nonsense about how the hair has been "scrubbed out", much the same as the Obamessiah's so-called previous position on the surge posted at his website; or for that matter, non-persons allegedly once photographed with Stalin. We'd rather not comment or confirm any of that as it would only create another distraction.
Comrade Marshall, with all due respect, I use the bayonet on my AK-47. Here is a recent photo of me entertaining the Politburo at Comrade Zinoviev's dacha. Does this not look like a close shave to you?
Aunt Nadzha, you need not be so formal with me, at least when not on Party business. Do you not recognize your great great nephew?
Any way, I was just pointing out that the "ease on the eyes" was much different when ones such as you were manning the barricades. People from those days knew what real struggle against imperialism was about. These days, alas, we have "comrades" such as this advocating for our cause...
I do not even wish to know whether she shaves under her arms or with what sort of chain saw she uses to accomplish such a task.
With over hang like that, how would one even know if she wore underwear? Comrades like her make servicing the many needs of Nancy and Hillary seem tame.
Comrade Marshall, with all due respect, I use the bayonet on my AK-47. Here is a recent photo of me entertaining the Politburo at Comrade Zinoviev's dacha. Does this not look like a close shave to you?
Aunt Nadzha, you need not be so formal with me, at least when not on Party business. Do you not recognize your great great nephew?
Any way, I was just pointing out that the "ease on the eyes" was much different when ones such as you were manning the barricades. People from those days knew what real struggle against imperialism was about. These days, alas, we have "comrades" such as this advocating for our cause...
I do not even wish to know whether she shaves under her arms or with what sort of chain saw she uses to accomplish such a task.
Comrade Marshall, I must insist that we speak in all formality in deference to our great proletarian mission. When you come to Zubalevo to visit our dacha you may drop the formality and perhaps I shall alllow you to sniff my working class panties.
Thank you for posting the lovely photo of Comrade Lyudmilla Alexandrovna Sinyavskaya. She is the poster girl for Code Pink. As you can easily see, the Comrade pays close attention to her feminine hygiene by shaving her legs and belly. She allows her belly to hang below her knees in order that all revolutionary-minded Comrades may see her loveliness.
Come on, isn't it the latest fashion, showing off a little bit of the belly above the belt? And if there isn't a belt, the appropriate replacement is below the fringe. It also works as a repellent against male harassment. This female comrade is lucky to be spared the humiliation of being treated as an object.
Comrade Cube! Good to see you this morning. I was about to mention to Comrade Nadezhda how I look forward to visiting her at her dacha since I have been on a "working vacation" since I have not received my new responsibilities as Marshal since my promotion from Commissar. I have been considering whom I may entrust the Dept of Eco Prostitution and Mental Health,
Comrade Cube! Good to see you this morning. I was about to mention to Comrade Nadezhda how I look forward to visiting her at her dacha since I have been on a "working vacation" since I have not received my new responsibilities as Marshal since my promotion from Commissar. I have been considering whom I may entrust the Dept of Eco Prostitution and Mental Health,
Comrade Marshall, you are welcome to visit my dacha at any time. Please call ahead first to make sure Comrade Josif Vissarionovitch is not present, and bring a bottle or two of champagne.
You may see me model my new outfit when you visit!
I have a recommendation for the Commisar of Eco Prostitution and Mental Health. Comrade Albert Albertovitch Goronov, a recent defector from a reactionary capitalist country.
Marshal Pupovich,please,for the love of Lenin....tell me that the photo of the Code Pink Princess was photoshopped!!! That cannot be her real belly heading for the floor!
I refuse to believe that.
Marshal Pupovich,please,for the love of Lenin....tell me that the photo of the Code Pink Princess was photoshopped!!! That cannot be her real belly heading for the floor!
I refuse to believe that.
I can assure you.... I did not touch that photo... in any way, shape, or form. No question why the Chairman has found company with toasters, a snapping turtle, or even that poor Governor's pooch we keep hearing about.
[I have a recommendation for the Commisar of Eco Prostitution and Mental Health. Comrade Albert Albertovitch Goronov, a recent defector from a reactionary capitalist country.
You are as fetching as ever, and being a Canine Comrade, I know fetching when I see it! But who is this Goronov and why would he be a good candidate to take over my duties?
Marshal Pupovich,please,for the love of Lenin....tell me that the photo of the Code Pink Princess was photoshopped!!! That cannot be her real belly heading for the floor!
I refuse to believe that.
I can assure you.... I did not touch that photo... in any way, shape, or form. No question why the Chairman has found company with toasters, a snapping turtle, or even that poor Governor's pooch we keep hearing about.
HEY!!! I'm still writing the checks to the therapist for comrade Gov. Tim Kaine's (S-VA) border collie. That pooch was horrendously traumatized! She piddles whenever Sen. Jim "Frogface" Webb (S-VA) comes over (and I can understand why). And everytime she sees a picture of Martina Navratilova she jumps up and down with glee and tries to hump it.
You might wish to investigate who is actually receiving the cash you think you are paying to this therapist.... not that I am suggesting there may be some sort of diversion there or any thing.
Marshal Pupovich,please,for the love of Lenin....tell me that the photo of the Code Pink Princess was photoshopped!!! That cannot be her real belly heading for the floor!
I refuse to believe that.
I can assure you.... I did not touch that photo... in any way, shape, or form. No question why the Chairman has found company with toasters, a snapping turtle, or even that poor Governor's pooch we keep hearing about.
I honestly thought that this photo had been changed. I can't believe that her gut is about to hit the floor....so repulsively bizzare.
I typed "morbidly obese photos" into a search engine and sort of regretted doing that, as I saw stuff more horrifying than this lady; photos of people before they had surgery to remove excess, including one who was standing, and yet their lower body hung all the way to their feet. Very scary--but not scary enough to make me swear off chocolate.
On a slightly related topic, I was googling for more fun stuff I've always longed to know about Michelle Obama (I wanna know whether she uses stick, spray or roll-on). Imagine my disgust and dismay at stumbling onto the website of that other Michelle, the hatemongress, where I found this link:
I can't wait till they also discover that....public transportation costs are going up as well.... wonder if then they will start thinking that maybe we need more oil.
I can't wait till they also discover that....public transportation costs are going up as well.... wonder if then they will start thinking that maybe we need more oil.
As much as I hate to disagree with a Marshal of the Collective, WRONG! What we need, comrade Marshal, is even less fuel and higher prices for it. This will raise the cost of public transportation, as you rightly point out, but that is to be desired, not deplored. If the cost of public transport rises, we must raise taxes, not lower costs! Higher taxes means more control for the government, more regulation of the lives of the proles, and more apparatchiks to oversee that regulation. Isn't that what we are all about?
Egads and Gadzooks Comrade Brain! Did you not see my distinctly manly character off symbol? LOL! Had to call it manly considering what I just posted to another comrade a minute ago.
I was not aware of the true significance of that till I read the wonderful counter revolutionary Atlas Shrugged....a book that should be required reading burned where ever found.
Now why is it on this thread, I see all the male comrades drooling and tripping over their dangling tongues over the thing of beauty and joy forever that is Nadezhda, while on the People's Blog, there's nothing but hand-wringing and head-shaking and beard-pulling and tongue-clucking and general disapproval over a new and improved Pinkie?
Perhaps it is because Nadezhda Alliluyeva was shall we say, fetching, from the days of her youth. I have seen the pictures of her with my great great Uncle Iosef before the unfortunate accident. She did not become like that as a result of a slumber party and Lenin knows what other "image enhancers." But what ever gave you the notion you needed a makeover? Certainly it was not due to a lack of amorous comrades seeking your favor, Commissar Vodkov is evidence of that not to mention the many fine Comrades I have seen here complement you for your revolutionary beauty. For that matter, I seem to recall even the ever so prized Red Square himself mention this?
...while on the People's Blog, there's nothing but hand-wringing and head-shaking and beard-pulling and tongue-clucking and general disapproval over a new and improved Pinkie?
Pinkie, I think if you'll read my post-makeover comment, you will find that I was highly equivocal, hopeful, yes, but ready to change my position depending on the prevailing winds of destiny.
Certainly it was not due to a lack of amorous comrades seeking your favor, Commissar Vodkov is evidence of that not to mention the many fine Comrades I have seen here complement you for your revolutionary beauty. For that matter, I seem to recall even the ever so prized Red Square himself mention this?
In the first place, I got a makeover specifically so I could get a better comrade than Vodkov.
And in the second place re Red Square, if you're talking about that video ("Mr. Gorbachev, tear down my bodice!") he only referred to me as "young Pinkie", implying that I was much younger when it was made, but now I'm now old and dried out and creaky and wrinkled up and just plain too scary for words. He'd have done better to omit the adjective altogether.
You know you are the very model of what The Party™ wants to project as the modern Soviet American woman. With your scarlet head scarf, and broad, rosy, nose ... and ... last but not least ... your broad, muscular torso and arms!!! *drool*
I fear she is being seduced by the evil capitalist forces that have, and continue, to corrupt the collectivist values that The Party™ struggles to instill in every Soviet American. Before you know it, she will want caviar, champagne, and a brand new Cadillac Esclade with a set of dubs and a 10 speaker Bose sound system and entertainment system! Is not her Zaporozhet not enough???
Nor has anyone mentioned the obvious.... Did the Party instruct the Commissarka to report for a make over? Was that part of the Current Truth? An errant transmission from Laika?
Comrade Pup! I did not see an instruction from another member of the Inner Circle™ to Comrade Pinkie to report for a makeover. It there was, all of us who are members of the Inner Circle™ would have seen it.
Exact;y! This was nothing more than a complete failure of Party discipline on Commissarka Pinkie's part, She was clearly lured by the bright lights and "glamor" that Bush, Cheney, and Rove have sullied this country's moral and working spirit. This search for beauty will not produce even one more beet or contribution that the state needs. There are people out there with nothing to eat but fast food poison, families with no insurance despite having an income from the state, people with barely a flat screen TV or an I-Pod to their name, and Commissarka Pinkie is wasting resources and time to "look better than others."
I DENOUNCE COMMISSARKA PINKIE!
and hope that she quickly gets her head and heart back into the struggle for Equal Outcomes for All. Get back on the ledge Commissarka! The Party still needs you!
Not if I can help it Comrade Brain. I believe Pinkie is a Party stalwart that on occasion simply gets distracted from the fight on hand. It is merely my hope to nudge her closer to the ledge.
If you read this article, I think you'll see that it's Bush's fault I was forced to get a makeover. How else am I supposed to feel better about myself in these uncertain, oppressive times?
Besides, Michelle Obama got new clothes! And new fat faux pearls! And a new hairdo, so she can look just like Jackie! Don't you see? I had to get a makeover because that's what Michelle did, and everyone knows she's Just Like Us!
Iran hates the whole world and not only Jews
Many people say that the Iranians are Muslims but in fact, invented a system outside of Islam and fired by the name of Shi'a.
Shi'a if many of the same groups that misrepresented Islam carried on his right
If you love the Jews, as Iran says
Why support Hezbollah in Lebanon, a Shi'a Iranian party
Thanks
The uncontested absurdities of today are the accepted slogans
of tomorrow. They come to be accepted by degrees, by precedent,
by implication, by erosion, by default, by dint of constant
pressure on one side and constant retreat on the other -
until the day when they are suddenly declared to be the country's
official ideology. ~ Ayn Rand
Write down this number and report to your Kommissar at the nearest railroad station.
Don't forget warm clothes and a shovel!
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click here for the story Alabama gunman was trying to 'be more like Europeans' After shootings, EU threatens potential mass murderes with increased paperwork and red tape Oil prices rising; most viable solution is blame Limbaugh Obama to bring Cuba in from the cold; political prisoners to remain outside Healthcare crisis: Planned Parenthood forced to offer 2 abortions for the price of 1; 50% off if you refer a friend Hillary presents Russian Foreign Minister Lavrov with the People's Cube CLICK HERE FOR THE STORY Obama's Reaganesque address: "I've just declared peace on the Soviet Union. The bonging will start in five minutes" Satellite launched to confirm global warming: finds none, crashes in Antarctica in protest Al-Qaeda founder discovers DNC playbook, attacks own side in war an terror Obama to slash deficit after increase; firefighters to quench house after setting fire to it
Treasury Dept buys Monopoly board game for policy advice Democrats pay back their constituents, save faltering squeegee businesses from collapsing
Muslim group offended by pork hidden in stimulus package, threatens revenge Obama appoints guilt czar to oversee fair distribution of guilt among all Americans Size matters: stimulus package so big it won't even fit on Drudge No help from Obama to storm-ravaged Kentucky; officials consider renaming state to New Orleans in effort to get attention Politico: volcano trouble in Alaska a result of Palin's policies MoveOn adopts Bush's cowboy diplomacy: 'You're either with Obama or Rush' Obama urges liberals to start listening to Rush Limbaugh: 'all too often we start by dictating on issues and don't always know all the factors involved. So let's listen.' More bad economic news: area antiwar group lays off its bumper sticker makers Dissent no longer patriotic: Obama Reminder to Hollywood celebrities: must change 'patriotic' setting from 'hate America' to 'love America' on Jan. 20 Obama promises to Photoshop a better future for America You won't be told lies if you don't ask questions: Obama's new media policy Personals: senate seats available in NY & Il. Hardly ever used. Cash OK. Change we can believe in: Clinton 1990s staffers Somali pirates hijack international space station Starting with 11/5/08, the cor- rect progressive greeting in America is "Barack Obama!" The reply is "Obama Barack!" Laika the Space Dog consi- dered for new White House pet: "Thoroughly vetted by Bill Ayers" CHANGE: President-elect Obama crushes Yankee imperialism in a landslide
Seven Obama cousins found living in voting boothUS choppers attack ACORN voter registration center in Syria US military: We decided to strike now because this time next year we’ll be a Peace Keeping force Biden predicts severe test for Obama in first six months: another question from Joe the Plumber Obama: Let he who is without wealth cash the first check! Joe Biden: work is a four-letter word
FBI investigates Mickey Mouse Club for voter fraud Embarrassed ACORN accidentally registers 'Ronald Reagan' Kids' hymns to Obama a success of Democrat strategy: If you can't abort them, indoctrinate them World to USA: 'Fix world ecomonic crisis so we can get back to hating you' Obama's campaign invites opponents to play 'Truth or Jail' Biden: Hoover text-messaged Americans to calm fears during 1929 crashDead support Obama, all are registered to vote by ACORN Biden calls taxes patriotic Study: Jesus spoke without a telepromter Obama promises free lipstic for everybody if elected KARAOKE: These Are The Jerks We Call Journalists Obama's negotiations with Gustav prove fruitful; storm spares "French Quarter" Feminist group: Sarah Palin worst mother since June Cleaver; decried as "too feminine" Obama: leave Bristol alone, she has been punished enough with a baby Putin shoots tiger with Polonium-laced dart Obama: ready from day one to place a call to UN if a US city is nuked Cult of personality at the People's Cube is up 90% compared to previous Five-Year Plan Congress established windfall tax on US gold medals International Olympic Committee to redistribute Phelp's ill-gotten golds to less fortunate athletes Obama beats Hillary to coveted CPUSA endorsement February 2050 declared White History Month. Future headlines expected to read "Minorities hardest hit... and deservedly so." Obama denounces Russia's actions; humbled Russia sends self to Gulag US trade deficit dropped; NYT instructs readers to turn paper upside down for more favorable view of graph Sharpton protests disproportionate deaths of Bernie Mac and Isaac Hayes, calls for immediate deaths of David Letterman and Billy Joel to even score Science to unveil invisible cloak; Conservative White Christian male in NJ says he's been invisible for years NYT: Russia's invasion of Georgia leaves much smaller carbon footprint than US invasion of Iraq Larry the Cable Guy issues call to "man the pick up trucks" as Russia invades Georgia Edwards claims he was having affair with camera, didn't notice woman attached Chavez's parents cut off Hugo's credit card after Moscow shopping binge Oil industry to Pelosi: You've been given a brain. Use it or lose it. Congress to declare July 19th International Swimmers' Day
How many superdelegates does it take to change a lightbulb? Photoshopped Iranian missile saves 25% on Islamic Republic's carbon footprint
Word of the day: HUSSIES n. Female Obama supporters changing their middle names to HusseinObama: we have always been at peace with Hillary ClintonGrand Rapids Mayor George Heartwell vows city will be "vanilla" when rebuilt Media grows impatient with Iowa's lack of flood-related rapes and pillaging: Why can't they be more like New Orleans? CNN investigates Iowans caught blowing FEMA debit cards at Tractor Supply Company Obama: WTC problem ended on 9/11, Pentagon still a problemHillary supporters organize against Obama Janet Reno congratulates Elian Gonzalez on joining Cuba's Young Communists
Dick Durbin denies that being Hell's spokesperson and moonlighting as a Democrat Senator presents a conflict of interest Flooding in Iowa causes typical white people to turn bitter and cling to evacuation procedures Democrat energy policy: let them eat cake Monica Lewinsky endorses Obama: 'This is not the Bill Clinton I knew' NASA unveils 'ass-crack' space suit for plumbing repairs at int'l space station Dead people at Obama's rally identified as a renegade splinter group of Hillary's 'invisible Americans' Howard Dean: dead people will vote Democrat no matter who gets the nomination Mainstream media silent on increased attacks on US troops by mainstream media Sen. Kennedy under treatment. Mary Jo still dead Muanmar drafts Mayor Nagin and Gov. Blanco to help with cyclone clean up New Orleans Mayor sends school buses to Myanmar As Darfur violence surges, world vows not to give a crap unless the US gets involved Chinese citizens crushed by bricks and rubble; tanks have day off
Friendly fire: BBC office hit by al-Qaeda rocket Al Gore knows what caused Burma cyclone but won't say it International community promises to suspend anti- Americanism until after American aid reaches Burma Mainstream media saddened that Austrian pedophile isn't a Catholic priest, a Baptist minister, or a GOP senator
North Korea's nuclear technicians protest outsourcing jobs to Syria Earth Day: save the planet, starve the children! Focus group: if water boarding was a sexual preference, they'd be teaching it in public schools Study: Wall Street losses unfairly target the rich Mixed month for MTV: teen pregnancy drops, however STDs are on the rise Obama pledges to give every typical small town family a possum sandwich Delays at American Airlines: a sneak peak into proposed government healthcare Stop and smell the Sharpies Obama: baby is punishment; tax increase is bundle of joy Media: this year's Global Bad News Awareness week to overlap with International Good News Obliviousness month NPR journalists go on truckers-style protest over high price of lattes Most popular April Fools joke: "A Democrat president won't raise taxes" Obama denounced extreme statements in Osama's new tape but urged voters to listen to the entire message before making judgment Obama's speech calls for change in stereotyping "the typical White person" Spitzer denies applying hardball tactics in front of bathroom mirror and threatening to come after himself New York State House retires Spitzer's #9 jersey KKK endorses Harvard's gym segregation policy: 'Blacks and Jews are next' London quake caused by SUV, now impounded by Scotland Yard Hillary's healthcare plan to include smelling salts for Obama's supporters and mandatory amputation of Chris Matthews' leg USMail Service to publish Obama's resume on new stamp Obama: one man's plagiarism is another man's audacity Candidate Barry O'Bama to court Irish vote Berkeley ousting US Marines gives hope to al Qaeda: 'If hippies can do it, so can we!' Berkley builds wall around self; man trying to flee 'Peace Sanctuary City' shot at checkpoint John McCain apologizes for going to Vietnam, earns Jane Fonda's endorsement To avoid scorn and ridicule, Tom Cruise converts to Islam NY Times: Backward, close-minded, inbred southern hicks vote for Obama NY Times: All the news that's fit to pimp Dems offer first female for President, first Black for President, first pretty pony for Attorney General Brokeback Mountain loses climber NASA's Spirit Rover finds Dennis Kucinich campaign on MarsLas Vegas: candidates offer plans to bail out flustered gamblers Feds: subprime borrowers' relief package to include subprime rib Silence in Cuba: Castro too ill to speak in public, Cubans too afraid to speak Dems adopt old British "don't mention the war" strategy for '08 campaign Obama's 'Take a penny, leave a penny' economic plan sparks new hope Obama's campaign hires homeless people to talk about change on street corners Panhandlers Union endorses Obama's plan for change Al Gore's children receive carbon credits for Winter Solstice Holiday Democrats call for troop surge in the War on Bush Murtha: if we quit now, capitalism will win Pelosi declares she likes class war, pledges to stay the course Expert blames Republicans for not attacking all Democrat candidates equally High school Meth teacher starts new class Holy Mitt! Violence in Iraq down 60%; media stories reporting this down 6000% Imus covers all bases by hiring undocumented-Black- Jewish-homeless- transgendered-vegan- disabled-obese-Kartina- victim as a sidekick Poll: most Muslims find curvature of Riemannian manifolds offensive "How The Grinch Redistributed Winter Solstice" opens on Broadway Left-wing bloggers hold vigil hoping suspect is connected to GOP candidate Hostage situation expected to be politicized in the next 20 minutes "Mall security" takes over operations in Baghdad New study suggests that 1 US gallon of Latte is 170 times more expensive than 1 US gallon of Regular gasoline. Al Gore sterilizes self to protect planet: 'Having children is selfish' NY Times: some news is fitter to print than others Study: most Americans will be worried about economy if told so often enough Musharraf changes name to Chavez to avoid being called "dictator" by MSM and Democrats in US Congress Media changes old adage "no news is good news" to "no good news is news" US Congress extends hurricane season until the first Sunday in November Lack of bad news from Iraq causes media recession. Women and minority journalists hardest hit. LA Times drops term "wild" describing fire, uses "undocumented" fire instead USA Today: big fires are getting bigger, small fires are getting smaller Reid: Global Warming caused fire by overheating arsonist's head, provoking delusional paranoia MoveOn.org pressures Congress to stop fighting fire and bring firemen home Reid: The war on fire is lost Pelosi: The number of fires has gone up since we started fighting fire Kerry: If you don't do well in school you'll get stuck fighting fire in California NY Times: Fighting fire creates even more fires Harry Reid auctions clothes, furniture, car on eBay in effort to make millions off his name. "If Limbaugh can do it so can I." No takers so far. Princess Leia Organa presents the Alderaanian Medal of Honor to Al Gore Did Che Guevara descend from Prophet Mohammed? San Andreas Fault in California preemptively renamed George Bush's Fault Media Matters editor blows self up over Limbaugh's 'bomber' remark End of Ramadan brings new rioting season to France Harry Reid bangs shoe on table: "We will bury you!" Dutch follow Ahmadinejad's lead, declare "there are no dykes in Holland" Ahmadinejad to Amerika: "Don't tase me, bro!" Bomb Girl and Taser Boy sell rights to their characters to Marvel Comics Cindy Sheehan hires Bomb Girl and Taser Boy as image consultants CBS stands by firing of Dan Rather: "He couldn't tell our logo from a hole in the ground" Jessie Jackson on Obama: "too White." Obama on Jackson: "I'm a smoke dat biatch if I see him"
Tasered victim at John Kerry's speech to receive Purple Heart Mugabe blames Zimbabwe's meltdown on Global Warming To stomp out possible confusion, MSM changes spelling of Obama to Ubama Craving acceptance from liberals, General Petraeus gains 300lbs and debuts report at Cannes. George Soros stops funding Democrats, converts to Islam Edwards: 41% of American children don't have lawyers John Edwards proposes "single payer" trial lawyer insurance for all, mandatory pre-jurisprudence care Illegal aliens kill people Americans won't killDemocrats select 2008 presidential slogan: "Death to America" Larry "Happy Feet" Craig uses Michael Flatley's Riverdance defense "Americans Coming Together" admit they had timing issues Presbyterian clergy issue fatwah calling for Pope's deathNew Jersey teen cracked iPhone with his face Vick awaits doggie-style welcome in prison Rock star behaves like rap star: huge media outcry China's recall of defective Daily Kos bloggers causes suicides among Democrat strategists Al Gore to recall the Internet Media declares September National Bridge Awareness Month First New Orleans, now Minnesota: Anderson Cooper travels up the Mississippi without a paddle Ray Nagin pledges to build a chocolate bridge instead William Jefferson spotted under collapsed bridge retrieving mystery package Cannibalism, rape, looting, republicanism rampant in Minneapolis Lindsay Lohan to enter astronaut training program Nigeria's plan to nationalize local spam industry sparks massive riots in Lagos
Democrat Congress's two major victories: minimum wage increase and al-Qaeda's restored operating capability London Mayor Livingston mandates Sharia law at nightclubs to prevent further bombings Taliban spokesman blames media bias as civilian deaths from US air strikes grab headlines: "Taliban has murdered thousands of civilians and we can't even get mentioned on Countdown with Olbermann. What gives?"Back alley massage parlors now offering "better ending than Sopranos" Bush to close Gitmo, detainees released into Mexican custody to be put on fast track to US citizenship
Study: Dan rather still unable to tell the difference between Paris Hilton and Katie Couric Civil war in Gaza: if it's not in Iraq why report it? US media increasingly impatient at lack of civil war in IraqUS Embassy in Syria warns of sex attacks. So how long will Bill be visiting for? Delighted Dems: "The surge has failed!"MSM spokesman: There are no civil war clashes in Gaza! Palestinians still wonder why their real civil war can't knock Iraq "civil war" off the front page As Albanians welcome Bush and show love for USA, NY Times offers them free subscriptions to "solve problem" Paris gets out of jail faster than an illegal immigrant Socialist utopia takes foothold in Venezuela as water cannons salute victory Pelosi: "I've seen climate change." John Fogerty of CCR also wants to know "if she's ever seen rain" Democrats call for troop withdrawal from Jersey Harry Reid: "Troop presence in New Jersey creating more terrorists" French riot police deployed as open minded, tolerant socialists expected to react to election results Progressives concerned with Sarkozy's "extremist agenda " of rule of law and assimilation to French culture Dems: War needs deadline; only social policies can run indefinitely Sheryl Crow to wipe out global warming one butt at a time Va Tech lessons for MSM: must ban guns, rich kids ACLU calls for calm, fears backlash against innocent gun owners: 'all gun owners aren't terrorists' Liberal groups join gun tolerance and awareness workshops Gun owners converting to Islam in droves to ward off profiling Sharp jump in number of 'non-decapitated' babies following Supreme Court decision Sharpton makes a list of 57 Don Imus sympathizers on public airwaves Al Gore and John Kerry agree: people who live in greenhouses should not expel noxious gases Al Gore hired by K-Y to pro- mote Global Warming Jelly New study shows Earth's 'fever' contagious; Mars asks planets to kick 'Greenhouse Mary' out of solar system Schumer demands Karl Rove be indicted on 1976 parking ticket Al Qaeda reacts to Schumer attack: "Thank Allah we're not Republicans!" Dems: Khalid Sheik Mohamed just watched too many episodes of 24 and made all that stuff in his confession up Fitzgerald to prosecute Ann Coulter for disclosing identity of presidential candidate John Edwards Following Scooter Libby success, media demands journalists be included on all future juries Kent State professor calls for bin Laden victory: time to bring in the National Guard again? Hollywood to America: our moral issues are better than your moral issues Obama promises to "purge himself" if he loses to Hillary to spare the public a lengthy trial House vote: Insurgents react with non-binding IED Democrat leaders don't support terrorists but they support their mission North Korea agrees to nuclear disarmament, media hails Madeleine Albright Bush: I support Democrat majority - but not their mission Is it time for Pinochet yet? Helen Thomas to be inducted into Museum of Natural History
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Here's another advice: learning Photoshop basics may get you a large star on the kitchen refrigerator and a bumper sticker for your mom that says "My Child Is Beet of the Week at The People's Cube" (curtesy of Commissarka Pinkie), but if you really, really want to defeat the Great Satan and its Zionist puppets (or is it the other way around?) you have to go beyond the clone stamp and learn how to apply the smudge tool. You will see how much fun it really is, once you get the hang of it. 
We thank them for the moral, environmentally conscious approach to nuclear holocaust. We can only wish the Pentagon's nuclear mushrooms in Nevada Desert had also been photoshopped! That would have protected the environment, reduced the carbon footprint, and - as an added bonus - we would be all speaking Russian and using the metric system! 
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Experts: assassin hid bomb in anal cavity adjacent to brain
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Al-Qaeda founder discovers DNC playbook, attacks own side in war an terror
Murtha: if we quit now, capitalism will win
New Jersey teen cracked iPhone with his face
MSM spokesman: There are no civil war clashes in Gaza!
Helen Thomas to be inducted into Museum of Natural History
