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What Are You Willing to Give Up for Earth Day?

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Comrades, Earth Day™ is just around the corner. We're not talking about Christmas or Easter or Yom Kippur, we're talking about Lenin's Birthday!

Now some outdated, religious traditions include themes of guilt and forgiveness. You know the routine. We are guilty before God and justly deserving of His punishment, but He lays our sins on His Son, Jesus Christ, and that by believing in Him we can find forgiveness of sin and eternal life. But that's so two millennia ago.

On the other hand, Earth Day (Lenin's Birthday!) is so progressive that it offers guilt and more guilt! See, in this advanced, highly evolved, and inclusive belief system, you are guilty before Gaia for exhaling and destroying her atmosphere, turning it into an “open sewer” to quote the Prophet Algore (PBUH). Now with Gaia, there's none of this nonsense about atonement, justification, or propitiation. Those are big words and too hard for you to understand. You're guilty because you might drive an SUV, consume food, once used electricity, or maybe you're just plain white. You may have accessed healthcare to prolong your selfish, resource sucking life, and that means some poor minority child or kitten was denied healthcare – just because of you.

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Forgiveness? Are you serious? When it comes to the Green Gospel, there's only one solution, and that's extermination. If it wasn't for man, Bambi's mother would be alive today instead of having her head mounted over some redneck's fireplace desecrated with a bandanna and non-union manufactured sunglasses. We need a plan for sustainability. That's a big word, but what it means is that we get to decide who's a burden to Earth Mother, and who isn't.

So who's guilty, you ask? Probably you. Why do you think you dig holes in the ground on Earth Day? One happy day, perhaps Next Tuesday™, our government will be empowered to recycle its non-productive, Earth exploiting citizens. It's called giving back, and it's the only way you can redeem yourself. If we don't take action now, all the furry animals will be dead in just ten years.

But until Next Tuesday comes along, you need to do your part. You need to confess your guilt. You need to give back. So in the days leading up to Earth Day, you need to tearfully, publicly, and loudly proclaim your sins against Gaia. You need to publish your shame by wearing awareness ribbons and riding a bicycle. In so doing, you induce feelings of necessary guilt in others, and you get a smug sense of self-righteous satisfaction because you care more. What's not to like?

So come on, comrades, what are you willing to confess and give up in the days left before Earth Day?

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I'm willing to give up Obama, Hillary and most of Congress, if any country is dumb enough to take them. Or the bike they rode in on.

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..
I bought the electric model so...

By the way... gallop feels the best.
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Lev Termen wrote:I'm willing to give up Obama, Hillary and most of Congress, if any country is dumb enough to take them. Or the bike they rode in on.
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I might keep the bike.

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Comrade Putout, NO electricity! The planet will run out of electricity in ten years if we don't start rationing now. You must shovel dirt to stimulate the liver and prevent obesity.



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I'm going to purchase a tractor with worn piston rings that will blow great clouds of white smoke, and spray paint "MY GREEN TRACTOR" all over it. Everybody will see how sensitive I am and how much I care.
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Komissar al-Blogunov wrote:
I'm going to purchase a tractor with worn piston rings that will blow great clouds of white smoke, and spray paint "MY GREEN TRACTOR" all over it. Everybody will see how sensitive I am and how much I care.
MiguelSmokeTractor.JPG
You can tell them it's powered by steam heated by burning recycled vegetable oil, like Dave Matthews' tour bus. Just don't dump the waste off of a bridge over a canal as a passenger boat passes underneath like environmental guru Dave Matthews did.

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Konservative_Punk wrote:
Komissar al-Blogunov wrote:
I'm going to purchase a tractor with worn piston rings that will blow great clouds of white smoke, and spray paint "MY GREEN TRACTOR" all over it. Everybody will see how sensitive I am and how much I care.
MiguelSmokeTractor.JPG
You can tell them it's powered by steam heated by burning recycled vegetable oil, like Dave Matthews' tour bus. Just don't dump the waste off of a bridge over a canal as a passenger boat passes underneath like environmental guru Dave Matthews did.
Good advice. That's mighty green of you.

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Look, everybody! The NSA is going green, because "...it's the right thing to do." O, my Lenin, it's beautiful.

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[color=#C0392B]Armenian Radio.[/color] had a very good idea when he wrote:I can give up my wasteful Dot.
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You could replace it with a (```|```)
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You would be known as Armenian Radio Dial to fellow secret agents!
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A station chief attempts to contact you...
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You are welcome!

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I thought you all would like to know...

Captain Craptek has fallen ill. His PM message to me said:

'I'm still recovering from a severe case of viral bronchitis.'

I think he is reading The Peoples Cube
but too weak to respond.

Get well little buddy... I miss you in my backyard!
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captain-craptek-logo-8.png

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How about a show trial to cheer up our favorite rodent?

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[img]/images/Earth_Day_Protection_Racket.jpg[/img]

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May the greenest of blessings rain down upon the Agitprop Department.

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Earth Day happens to fall on garbage day in my subdivision. I plan on giving up my kollektion of burned out, hazardous substance-filled, planet-saving kurly-kue light bulbs to the local landfill.

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Gummipuppe wrote:Earth Day happens to fall on garbage day in my subdivision. I plan on giving up my kollektion of burned out, hazardous substance-filled, planet-saving kurly-kue light bulbs to the local landfill.
Stay where you are comrade. A team of heavily armed hazmat specialists is en route to your subdivision.

I shall give up all the darkness after sundown, and all the dandelions in the yard.
Get well soon, Cap't.

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Konservative_Punk wrote:
Gummipuppe wrote:Earth Day happens to fall on garbage day in my subdivision. I plan on giving up my kollektion of burned out, hazardous substance-filled, planet-saving kurly-kue light bulbs to the local landfill.
Stay where you are comrade. A team of heavily armed hazmat specialists is en route to your subdivision.

No doubt, komrade Punk, en route in military surplus armored vehikles, dressed in BDUs, equipped with full complements of SWAT team tactikal gear, karrying "weapons of war on our streets," and toting loads of "high kapacity magazines" filled with "kop killer" hollow point bullets. "Saving the planet" is serious shit. Same goes for kracking down on grocery stores that sell unpasturized organic milk.

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Comrades, I have given up my neighbors electricity by sabotaging the local power grid.

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Comrade Putout : "Captain Craptek has fallen ill. His PM message to me said:

'I'm still recovering from a severe case of viral bronchitis.' "

Sorry you have been unwell, Kapitan. Hope you are on the mend!

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My Our Entire Kollective has Unanimously Voted to Observe [highlight=#ffffff]Peoples' Heroic Revolutionary Earth Day[/highlight]. The only exceptions that WE will make are "our" Auto-Mobiles (to transport our Beet Crop to the Local Peoples' Vodka Processing Plant), our electrical service (so that WE can be more helpful To The New Peoples' America by Intently Observing Our Television News Programs!), our Kollectiv's Natural Gas Service (Isn't this the birthright of Citizens of The New America?), our USPS Service (How else can WE collect OUR Government Checks?), and Our Free Medical Care (as if THAT were a question!!!)

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Comrade boocat wrote:Comrade Putout : "Captain Craptek has fallen ill. His PM message to me said:

'I'm still recovering from a severe case of viral bronchitis.' "

Sorry you have been unwell, Kapitan. Hope you are on the mend!
Let me get this straight... Craptek comes down with Viral Bronchitis shortly after Chedoh receives the title of Kommisar of Viral Infections? Draw your own conclusions comrades. Had anyone seen Craptek eating Cheese-flavored snacks before falling ill? Get well my furry flying friend. The collective sends our regards with a bouquet of nuts and seeds. We'll keep a close eye on newly commissioned Kommisar Chedoh. Hope to see you back to redistributing the wealth from birdfeeders as soon as possible.

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Konservative_Punk wrote:
Comrade boocat wrote:Comrade Putout : "Captain Craptek has fallen ill. His PM message to me said:

'I'm still recovering from a severe case of viral bronchitis.' "

Sorry you have been unwell, Kapitan. Hope you are on the mend!
Let me get this straight... Craptek comes down with Viral Bronchitis shortly after Chedoh receives the title of Kommisar of Viral Infections? Draw your own conclusions comrades. Had anyone seen Craptek eating Cheese-flavored snacks before falling ill? Get well my furry flying friend. The collective sends our regards with a bouquet of nuts and seeds. We'll keep a close eye on newly commissioned Kommisar Chedoh. Hope to see you back to redistributing the wealth from birdfeeders as soon as possible.

Careful with your accusations, Comrade. The new rank comes with new powers. How would you like a extended vacation to a distant land via a scenic train ride? It's just a phone call away....

Chedoh wrote:How would you like a extended vacation to a distant land via a scenic train ride? It's just a phone call away....

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Is this great country, or what?

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Lev Termen wrote:
Chedoh wrote:How would you like a extended vacation to a distant land via a scenic train ride? It's just a phone call away....

yakov-smirnoff.jpg

Is this great country, or what?

Comrade Termen, I've gone on one such trip. It was absolutely great, telephone service was friendly and courteous, accommodations were top-quality, and the food and transportation were the best that I've ever had in my life. By the way, the number you wanna call is 1-800-555-USSA (8772).

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Comrade Putout wrote:..
I bought the electric model so...

By the way... gallop feels the best.
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pammie-exercising-at-home.jpg
Who knew??? I always thought the only one to benefit from horse-riding exercise was the horse!

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Comrade Putout wrote:.


I thought you all would like to know...

Captain Craptek has fallen ill. His PM message to me said:

'I'm still recovering from a severe case of viral bronchitis.'

I think he is reading The Peoples Cube
but too weak to respond.

Get well little buddy... I miss you in my backyard!
.

captain-craptek-logo-8.png

Just watch.
That rodent "gets sick" or quits looking both ways before crossing the train tracks, or is out partying like a Secret Service Agent or a DEA agent in Columbia, and watch who gets blamed for hating rodents...

Just watch.

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Thanks for the update, Putout,,, I was wondering where he had run off to! Get well Comrade, there are many beets to tend and we must all do our share to meet quota.

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Rodents. <spit>

It's NOT hate speech if its the Current Truth ™ .

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I have given up the most important thing of all for Earth Day. I have given up Earth Day.


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Comrades, an important update: the Apocalypse has been moved to 2050*. The science is settled. It's going to be so bad that Malaysians will start posting urgent pleas for help in English.
*Yes, that would be 80 years after the first Earth Day. Keep moving. Keep believing. There is nothing to see.
Ushanka tip to Commissarka Pinkie for the link.

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Chedoh wrote:Comrades, I have given up my neighbors electricity by sabotaging the local power grid.

Oh boy, look at this Komrade Komissar who thinks he's being fancy. I'll have you know that I, Comrade Stierlitz, sabotaged the ENTIRE POWER GRID by sneaking into the Nuclear Power Plant late at night, shutting off the main switch, and then cutting up all the transmission lines leading from the station into the grid with a pair of wire cutters I bought at Communism-R-Us. No disrespect Comrade Comissar, but I think you, being an almighty Komissar and all, could've done better than just sabotaging a piddly little neighbor.

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Comrade Stalin celebrates Earth Day by giving up a wasteful commissar. He leads by example.
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What am I willing to give up for Earth Day?

“Nuthin'! I said nuthin', honey, if it ain't free!“ -Janis Joplin, 1968, Me and Bobby McGee.

I do hope that quote made sense. She does convey the sentiments of so many Greenies as well as those who live off the state. I'm not always sure when it comes to Janis, or even myself. But, it's close enough and I'll go with that.

Meanwhile, get well, Dear Comrade Crap. Take loads of vitamin C, especially the liquid kind (seems to be more absorbable), and don't talk to anybody! Keep them guessing! (But, don't fool around about this) Love you.

Comrade Putout, another hilarious use of my avatar. I actually used to be an equestrian but found autos, as you have illustrated perfectly, my new mode of transport. Onward and er, upward! Oh yeah! Forward! That's what I really meant, eh, eh! Happy Earth Day, Comrades!


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Komissar al-Blogunov wrote:
Comrade Stalin celebrates Earth Day by giving up a wasteful commissar. He leads by example.
commissar.jpg

I just love games, so what is different from one picture then the other?

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[color=#C0392B]Hammer and Loupe[/color] let us see his playful side when he wrote:I just love games, so what is different from one picture then the other?
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I don't know but if Captain Craptek was around - he would know!
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Kelly Ivanovna/келя ивановна wrote:
Comrade Putout wrote:..
I bought the electric model so...

By the way... gallop feels the best.
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pammie-exercising-at-home.jpg
Who knew??? I always thought the only one to benefit from horse-riding exercise was the horse!
You were wrong, dear Kelly. Even I, Pamalinsky, didn't realize, until now, that I was using electric horsies as sex toys. I was so naive and didn't realize what I was doing! How could I have missed this? I guess we were so "repressed" then. (Sigh.)

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Hammer and Loupe wrote:
Komissar al-Blogunov wrote:
Comrade Stalin celebrates Earth Day by giving up a wasteful commissar. He leads by example.
commissar.jpg

I just love games, so what is different from one picture then the other?
Pssst! (You can see more of the wall on Stalin's left!)

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How much energy was spent advertising Earth Day? Did anyone keep a tally?

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Olga Photoshopova wrote:How much energy was spent advertising Earth Day? Did anyone keep a tally?

The official count is expected to come out next month, but my and others' calculations estimate around 1.21 gigawatts were expended in the advertisement of Earth Day. If this is true then this will be a new People's Record, breaking the old one of 500 megawatts..

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I hope that everyone pays their fair share of carbon offsets to cover this! Maybe I can borrow some from Cameron Diaz...


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Olga Photoshopova wrote:How much energy was spent advertising Earth Day? Did anyone keep a tally?
Remember, Citizens--- like any unemployment, deficit, or presidential approval statistics released, please allow 90 days for the Ministry of Truth to "refine and revise" the numbers after the discussion has fallen from the news cycle.Now, back to tending your beets. Thank you.

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Comrade Putout wrote:..
I bought the electric model so...

By the way... gallop feels the best.
.[/size][/font]
I am giving up my electric appliances but my wife will not agree. Any suggestions?

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Comrade Putout wrote:.


I thought you all would like to know...

Captain Craptek has fallen ill. His PM message to me said:

'I'm still recovering from a severe case of viral bronchitis.'

I think he is reading The Peoples Cube
but too weak to respond.

Get well little buddy... I miss you in my backyard!
.

The attachment captain-craptek-logo-8.png is no longer available

I hope you signed up for Obamacare!, comrade. Nothing inspires one to refrain from getting ill or to get healthy again like having The Party™ dictate your health care.

I'm organizing a home care visit from a Dr. Mengele. I hear he's exceptional at providing experimental medicine and final solutions.

EvilHugo_2817.jpg

I'm sure you'll be a lot better off in no time.



 
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