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During Thanksgiving, as American toiling masses traditionally give thanks to the government for what it has distributed to them, all conscientious members of community are required to experience the following emotions:
(a) deep gratitude to the government for letting them live;
(b) utter unworthiness compared to the magnanimity of the state;
(c) everlasting guilt for consuming what they have not produced, as well as for not giving back to the community according to their abilities.
If you do not experience said emotions, you are not a conscientious member of community and shall be disposed of according to the Party Manual (Page 894, Paragraph 5) with all your belongings confiscated by the state and redistributed to the more worthy members according to their needs.
Report your Thanksgiving feelings here.
Have A Glorious Progressive Thanksgiving!
(It's mandatory)
Red Square
Director of Unanimity
*munch* *munch*
I feel horrible... *BUURRRPP!!* just knowing that there are people out there that the government can't reach. *munch* There must be some way for them to get some kind of help. *eat* Some way for someone to make their lives better. *munch* *munch* Someone who isn't me.
[continues ingesting t3h ingestables]
A day of decadence! I will be flashing my "Commie" friends the "bird", as an act of Holiday solidarity! This traditional gesture should be accompanied by the verbal greeting, F.U.! (Financial Unity) Have a happy and productive Holiday Comrades!
Publius
A Claremont Review of Thanksgiving
It is truly a reason for thanksgiving that so many owe so much to so few.
Capitalists at their filthy play.
I am but a but a lowly student studying global domination at the E. S. Blofeld Megalomaniacal Institute, and one of our gen. ed. courses is "General Socialism I." My research into this has led me to your own very glorious site. In recent years, I have had little cause to celebrate this day of giving "thanks" to some indefinite entity (because, as we all know, the state has proven God doesn't exist), but now it is all clear to me. We thank the government. Ah. I cannot wait until I graduate and one day will be a member of this magnificent bureaucracy. So thank you, Red Square, and others like you, for giving this holiday season meaning for me.
Sincerely,
The Philologus Omnium
Apprentice Criminal Mastermind
Terror (in training) of the Free World
Character off: (or at least I have seen this is how it is done)
This is my first time writing, after visiting this site nearly daily. I am amazed by the wit and wisdom the articles here possess, and I just wanted to thank you all for having a website like this out there, devoted to the ideals of true liberty.
I was just sitting here today mulling over the inspiring story of the first group of Community Organizers that made it here on the Mayflower so many years ago. I am in awe of the collective farms that they first enacted would have been able to feed the whole world had it not been for the global ice age that those capitalist bandits from Spain created in their reckless destruction of the earth in the search for gold and their introduction of horse flatulence that had never been exposed in this paradise before. I think of the good fortune they had to be welcomed by the original socialist collective, the peace loving native-American, a group that were hyphenated before it was even cool to be hyphenated. These brave Community Organizers set to work bringing the People together, that is until the second year here when they were perverted by insidious republican conservatives that led to capitalist exploitation and corruption and genocide that continued till we finally fought back and won the State Given Right for guaranteed outcomes, equal distribution of health and wealth, and non-critical thinking among many. So as we sit down tomorrow to our traditional State dinner of boiled, broiled, or fried rats, beet stuffing and imitation polar bear gravy, candied carrots, and fresh 2 day old bread, give thanks to the One. By the way, any one heard what time the state will be bringing us our dinner?
Don't you just love the holiday season? It already has me singing this old classic....
It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like Clinton
It's beginning to look a lot like Clinton
Ev'rywhere you go;
Take a look in the cabinet, gloating once again
With tax raises and and subsidy lanes aglow.
It's beginning to look a lot like Clinton,
Liberals in ev'ry space,
But the prettiest sight to see is the Feds that will be
busting down your front door.
A pair of storm trooper boots and a pistol that shoots
Is the wish of Emanuel and Holder;
Dolls that will talk and will go for a walk
Is the hope of Rice and Kagan;
And Mom and Dad can hardly wait for indoctrination to start again.
It's beginning to look a lot like Clinton
Ev'rywhere you go;
There's a shovel in the Grand foryer, one in the park as well,
The sturdy kind that doesn't mind the snow.
It's beginning to look a lot like Clinton;
Soon the purges will start,
And the thing that will make them sting is the truth that you knew
Right within your heart.
I am thankful to be gifted with the wondrous marvel that is Obama, for he will save the entire world from the evil that is Bush.
Attention All Comrades: You will tune in to your local evening newscasts tomorrow night, that you might be filled with guilt and shame from an endless bombardment of heartwrenching profiles of those receiving their Thanksgiving meals in soup kitchens and homeless shelters, innocents who have been crushed by the relentless brutality of the Bush dictatorship. You will be told what you were told last year, that not only are there more of these people than the previous year, but they're looking more and more like you all the time--meaning YOU are next!--so you may as well spit out that pumpkin pie you're enjoying right now!
In the meantime, here's a little pre-holiday guilt to
The New (Rich) Poor
Let us rejoice that under Obama, we will see no more long lines of people forced to choose between groceries and Mercedes-Benzes. Let us rejoice that by this time next year, we will not see these downtrodden masses anywhere as we sit down to give thanks for our government-issued Soylent Green turkeys.
/karacter off/
If I can keep up writing like this without regurgitating my most recent meal, could I get a job at the CBS Evening News?
--
ZB
And the Obama Victory plate.
And the Obama coin set.
And the Obama bobble head.
Ain't dissin the gubmint for beets, an a sharp shovel.
and here is my face o respect
now am off to the shelter for free food before rolling phat
Comrade “Pul” хулиганье
And makin' thugs out you suckas.
From the cradle to the grave.
Turkeys are very expensive in East Asia. I have decided accordingly to feast on a jive turkey. This will allow me to save money for others to "spread around" and reduce the number of those to whom it will be spread, thereby doubling the redistributive effect.
Pardon the pun, comrades, but this year, I am festively "meating" out social justice.
Oh, I do hope to see "It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like Clinton" in the People's Karaoke! Given the season, maybe they'll start to play it at the local Starbucks where I community organize with other anti-globalism progressives to plot the overthrow of the oppressive capitalist regime.
Commissarka Pinkie
...we will not see these downtrodden masses anywhere as we sit down to give thanks for our government-issued Soylent Green turkeys.I'm gonna have me some Chicken Little[sup]tm[/sup] for Thanksgiving. MMMM boy! the memories. Chicken, grown in a vat!
Yes, I'm thankful Comrades. Thankful that our Dear Leader is ready to be inaugurated and fulfill His destiny as Maximum Leader of the Progressive world. May this country once again be loved by all the world. May the USSA begin to pay reparations to the world for the criminal actions of Bu$Hitler and his agent of Evil, VP Cheney.
Thank you Comrades, the Party and The Inner Circle for my weekly ration of beets and a portion of cabbage, now and then. Thank you!! I also thank you for my ration of potato vodka and my alloted time at the Party Pleasure Palace!!
[center]
[/center]Guest
I think all citizens should be
For those of you in AmeriKKKa who, for whatever reactionary reason, clung to the tradition of murdering a defenseless turkey (symbolic of workers everywhere!) to eat it (you closet capitalists!), I hope you at least had the proletarian conscience to buy a fair trade turkey.
Imagine my surprise when I read an article questioning the fairness of fair trade. It included the following, which shocked my caring unquestioning progressive core:
Quote:
More criticism emanated from a recent report: "Transfair is selling coffee from Mexican labelling organisations which puts pressure upon the small producers in places like Chiapas," wrote Jan Braunholz, a German expert on fair trade."Therefore, the opposition against fair-trade labelling is growing in (the Mexican Southern province of) Chiapas," he added. Since the early 1990s Chiapas has been the centre of the Mexican peasants' opposition to neoliberal globalisation, and is the homeland of the Zapatista rebel movement.
I think a new name will solve the problem. Not "fair trade," but "fair exploitation," or perhaps "compassionate capitalism." How about "faironomics"?
Corporate Bailouts aplenty to spread the wealth of a million citizens to the government mob complex who stole the election for our dear leader! Instead of each turkey being raped by a guilty rich land owner, each turkey will instead have Cocaine Osama’s personal stamp of approval injected into it from behind! Treat the turkeys just like the party treats the proletariat! Bend over and get your new Obamafication!
Commissarka Pinkie
I am thankful that eight long years of oppression, death and destruction are finally coming to an end, and we will finally have the freedom to speak out, and all our rights restored.This is almost identical to what a high school friend of mine posted on her Facebook status. That was right before she deleted me from her friend list for being less enlightened than her. But believe me, comrades, I am working hard to improve my progressive beliefs. I have already disowned my family for believing the Republican lies about the history of Thanksgiving.
Truly though, I am a struggling doctor who just opened my first practice a few short months ago. I am very thankful that we have elected a progressive visionary who will allow me to provide my services to all people equally and will free me from the burden of having to decide for myself which medications to prescribe or surgeries to recommend. I am also thankful I will never have to worry about being profitable again since my new government can tell me exactly how much money I am to make.
Oh Obamamesssiah the most merciful, we beseech thee.
Give us this day our daily shovel so that we may smite the enemies of the state.
Lead us through the corrupt landscape of capitalism and make the world of Next Tuesday appear before us.
Oh most benevolent, sublime, all seeing and all knowing, thou who knowest our thoughts before we think them, cleanse us of all evil. Lead us to our free Obamamessiah selection commeration plates where we may place our daily potato next to your messianic likeness.
Oh most supreme Obamamessiah, punish the naysayers with your mighty sword, all of these things we seek of thee oh most perfect one.
Oh most glorious Obamamessiah we know that The Michelle has decreed that ou will require us to work, we will gladly do so. And Lastly keep us safe from The Michelle as she is one to truly fear.
Freedomslave
So typical of the Eurocentric white dominant culture! Raping thousands of turkeys and poor mother earth indiscriminately with their massive swollen penis of capitalism! The new term is clear comrade! OBAMANOMICS!Comrade Freedomslave,
That's just the term I was looking for!
Regarding Obama, cocaine, and injecting turkeys, isn't food enhancement with cocaine a process jealously and abusively guarded by Coca-Cola? Maybe it is even trademarked, copyrighted, registered, and patented. But with Obamanomics, such legacy laws can be done away with for once and for all.
Comrade Commie Pinko
Truly though, I am a struggling doctor who just opened my first practice a few short months ago. I am very thankful that we have elected a progressive visionary who will allow me to provide my services to all people equally and will free me from the burden of having to decide for myself which medications to prescribe or surgeries to recommend. I am also thankful I will never have to worry about being profitable again since my new government can tell me exactly how much money I am to make.Comrade Commie Pinko,
Surely it is a sign of the expansion of the Party's tentacles that I am have not seen your name before. Then again, names are but expediencies. We shall each have our own numbers soon enough.
I am touched by the depth of your understanding, comrade. May I suggest, however, that you quickly utilize your current credentials to move away from medicine and up in the Party, because--as we all know--they will soon be invalidated or handed out like bailout Capitalist Exploitation Units, for what are qualifications, licenses, and credentials but mere schemes designed to oppress and exclude? Their expiration date is nearing, comrade.
That said, being The One's private physician could be rewarding: dachas in Chicago and DC, Party-members-only commuter lanes, etc. Then again, might you recall the scene from The Untouchables where the barber accidentally nicks Al Capone's neck while giving him a shave? And that barber was probably licensed by the city of Chicago.
If you work very hard you may become the physician to the Chosen One. I admit that you won't be able to pay off all those college and medical-school bills but then you might have them waived by fiat. And then, like Mao's physician, you can write a tell-all book. Mao's physician said that he never washed his private parts, thinking that that would decrease his virility. If you are the doctor to the chosen one you will be able to tell the world what he did to able to walk on water.
And since, Herr Doktor Commie Pinko, you are new to the Cube and the Progressive World of Next Tuesday, please know that rank is nothing--except here where it's everything. And property is nothing, except here, when it belongs to the biggest son-of-a-bitch commissar with hooks to hold onto it. I'm currently pitting Chairman Meowsevich Punchenko, the skilled thief, Commissarka Pinkie, she of the tin-clad golden shovel; Marshal Pupovich, who nips at my ankles all the time, against each other for the brass ring.
Which I shall offer to Our Many Titted Empress, and when she jumps for it, I'm going to shove the Katie Couric Head down her throat and then I'll be top dog.
For remember: all animals are created equal but some are more equal than others.
'member, Theo, we gots yo back, bro.
Comrade “Pul” хулиганье
And makin' thugs out you suckas.
From the cradle to the grave.
A thug threatens people with force. A Democrat threatens people with force and then tells them that if they object they're selfish and politically incorrect. Get it?
A thug takes people's wallets on the street corner. A Democrat has their boss take their wallets every two weeks. Get it?
A thug cuts people with a knife. A Democrat pays thugs to make little thugs to cut people with knives, who are the disenfranchised of the world. Get it?
I swear, if you say I'm a thug just once more, I'll turn you over to Rahm Emanuel. And you'll really wish you'd behaved.
Comrade Commie Pinko
Truly though, I am a struggling doctor who just opened my first practice a few short months ago. I am very thankful that we have elected a progressive visionary who will allow me to provide my services to all people equally and will free me from the burden of having to decide for myself which medications to prescribe or surgeries to recommend. I am also thankful I will never have to worry about being profitable again since my new government can tell me exactly how much money I am to make.Comrade Commie Pinko, it is with a sad heart I must suggest that you have wasted many years and Lenin knows how much in the way of potential campaign contributions you have wasted pursuing a vocation such as this, no doubt lured by the capitalist dream of wealth and privilege. I suggest that you refine your skills with the Peoples Shovel™, for with the advent of the Glorious World of Next Tuesday, there will soon be little need of such bourgeois services such as medicine, outside of the small number set aside for the Inner Circle. For the Party will now be able to enforce on the people more healthy lifestyles, eliminate risks such as eating high calorie, fatty foods, or engage in risky behaviors such as skiing, motorcycling, or any sports. The Party's Five Year Plan will lead to equality of health and mandate acceptable mortality rates. Now of course, there is still a chance you may be chosen to be one of the select few chosen to take care of us in the Inner Circle, since our many duties and life styles put us at a More Equal risk.
It's like global warming, er, climate change you see. Something's happening. Stop capitalism.
I feel bad.
Take an aspirin.
Same thing, you see. There's a problem, and who cares what problem. There's one solution and it's the one that we want.
But do not discourage our young comrades. For after all, if I ever confect the Olbermann Weapon of Mass Sneering Destruction, I'll need someone with really good CPR skills for the poor comrades who weaponize the Olbermann head.
It is nice to know we have a fellow who can certify which comrades are dead, undead, or merely receiving spread pelf. Oh, and for those comrades deserving of something better than a bullet to the head, a progressive able to redistribute euthanasia will be deserving of the Order of Pernicious Caring.
But no matter what else is said, doctor, let me in sincerity quote the Australians: "Good on ya!"
I caution you, dear Comrade, not to take on caring and compassion for I've done C-n-C up one side and down the other. I am the best at caring. And impaling. Because I care.
Ah. Caring. Such fond memories...
Well, off to Saturday's impalements on the south 40. These are people who suggested that there was election fraud and we know there is never election fraud. When a Progressive wins.
One thing my greedy heart still regrets is that I have been living in an apartment with my wife for nearly 10 years throughout school and opening a business. If only I had known that every American had a right to a house and a free mortgage I could've been living in my government's gentle embrace rather than paying my outmoded currency units to my greedy capitalist landlords.
If you want to be a good progressive, you need commit a serious malpractice, claim it was chemically induced, go into rehab (think Kennedy), make a tearful confession about your change, go back into rehab, and then spend your time working with the poor while you loot the poor box.
Commissarka Pinkie
I am thankful that eight long years of oppression, death and destruction are finally coming to an end, and we will finally have the freedom to speak out, and all our rights restored.I am thankful to be gifted with the wondrous marvel that is Obama, for he will save the entire world from the evil that is Bush.
Attention All Comrades: You will tune in to your local evening newscasts tomorrow night, that you might be filled with guilt and shame from an endless bombardment of heartwrenching profiles of those receiving their Thanksgiving meals in soup kitchens and homeless shelters, innocents who have been crushed by the relentless brutality of the Bush dictatorship. You will be told what you were told last year, that not only are there more of these people than the previous year, but they're looking more and more like you all the time--meaning YOU are next!--so you may as well spit out that pumpkin pie you're enjoying right now!
In the meantime, here's a little pre-holiday guilt to
The New (Rich) Poor
Let us rejoice that under Obama, we will see no more long lines of people forced to choose between groceries and Mercedes-Benzes. Let us rejoice that by this time next year, we will not see these downtrodden masses anywhere as we sit down to give thanks for our government-issued Soylent Green turkeys.
Da. Truly after viewing that I thought to present a Turkey to the new Poor but felt that a lowly Homegrown Garden Variety Turkey would be insufficient. I shall work harder and toil more with the shovel so that next Turkey Day I can purchase a large Butterball Turkey with all the trimmings for their consumption. To be delivered by a Mercedes Van. I am also thinking that the American Voter and the Electoral College have already delivered a Turkey. (I know. Right shoulder shovel, Right face. Forward march.)
Commissar Theocritus
Tovarich, do I detect you, with your "Pernicious Caring," infringing on my Impaling for the Common Good™? And it's unanimous, you know, and I alone decree it to be unanimous.I caution you, dear Comrade, not to take on caring and compassion for I've done C-n-C up one side and down the other. I am the best at caring. And impaling. Because I care.
Comrade Commissar Theocritus,
With the sincerity that only progressives can exude, I pondered awarding Comrade Commie Pinko the Order of Theocritus for just these reasons. However, precedents are made not to be broken like some reactionary's back. My education (and, yes, re-education might solve the following) is that the Order of Lenin was created after his, er, unbeing. Since the Turing test has yet to be passed, you must either be a living being or undead (or, possibly legally dead in multiple counties to vote progressively and alive in another to vote similarly).
Anyway, you posed an existential dilemma so bewildering that I reverted to precedent. There is wisdom, safety, and laudable loyalty in following others. It also saves brain power that can later be used for the Public Good™. Hence the Order of Pernicious Caring, but do consider it inspired by you.
Commissar Theocritus
and then spend your time working with the poor while you loot the poor box.I'm all for looting the poor box and encourage all Comrades to do the same -- but I'm really, really in favor of looting the Lions Club mint boxes which the club raises for "charity".
I'm sure you've seen them around...
The money goes to good causes -- but there is no better cause than ME. ME. ME. Just look at how much money the Royal Oakes, Michigan Lions Club raises through this mint crap:
Royal Oakes Lions Club
The Royal Oak Lions were one of the first clubs in southeast Michigan to raise money through the sale of Lions mints, when it was begun under the guidance of Lion Roger Kirk in 1987. Our club currently collects $7,200 to $7,800.00 annually from sales. With costs of less than 50% per year it accounts for as much as $4,500.00 net revenue for charity each year.A gold mine, Comrades! They are raising this much money in Michigan! MICHIGAN! Just imagine how much money they are raising in states not managed by Comrade Granholm!
$$$$ GIVE TO ME $$$$
You serve while I take. I do it for the Children.
The Turing test is entirely too difficult a test for party members.
Until we move from one-tape Turing machines to two-tape Turing machines. Now one of those might fool the public.
Meow, dear Meow. It's time to enter rehab. You simply cannot have every day the rush that you had stealing the election in Florida, or trying to. You simply cannot have the rush that you had working for ACORN in Ohio. And there is will never be another rush like that trillion dollars of bad mortgages that you had a hand in. Never, Meow, never. That was more than the cost of WWII. Do you think that disasters like that grow on trees?
It's so sad to see you exulting over a measly few thousand dollars. Come to the Rancho, Meow, and relax. And while you're here I'll help you take care of your business. Just so you won't have to worry.
It'll be for the best, you know. For the best.
...Bruno. Bruno! Get the roofies ready. Meow's going to spill his guts or he won't have fingernails...
There is so much to be said for the Lions' Club for any organization which is not progressive is putatively progressive and all it needs is subterfuge. Ask the shade of Henry Ford. McArthur. Conservatives whose foundation directors saw the light and became hard left. Ask Walter Annenburg, whose money the Chosen One got to give to ACORN to steal elections and make bad mortgages.
So do not ever disparage service organizations. For they can be bent because the left has plenty of will and the right has a life.
Why hurt the sharks in the boardroom who rape and pillage when I can hurt the little guy just trying to get by, or the charity organization that truly has good intentions when it comes to helping people? I rather kick small business than big business, Theocritus. I rather stick it to the little bastard who thinks he is going to make an impact or one day become successful. I want to take the American dream away from these people, Theocritus, and it starts at the local level!
Regulation will choke the big guys and I'll read it in the paper. But spitting in the face of the little guy after you swindle him and take him for everything he's got -- not to mention have the local authorities close him down for violations -- is absolutely priceless.
I. Love. My. Job.
I take your point. If you tax everything and regulate everything, then you can destroy all charitable impulses. You can curdle the milk of human kindness. Why be decent to your fellow man when it costs so much and the regulators will shut you down for doing it?
But there's only one thing. There are so many little guys, Meow, so very many. I know that it makes it difficult for you to stand without embarrassment to strangle one of the little guys, but round the corner there is another one. I have tried, Meow, to kill off decent impulses but there are just too many decent people. How will we proceed in goose-step into the Progressive World of Next Tuesday until all decent people are sniveling, angry, scowling, hate-filled Party Members? Except of course when we're happy making big puppy-dog eyes at the Obamessiah while we pick the scabs from our knees, unused to kneeling.
So I do appreciate your role in stamping out, bit by bit, all the good impulses in mankind. But I shall continue my efforts to poison the soil, like Ellsworth Toohey, to make sure that decent people can't grow and if they do you get to stamp on them.
And then you'll be happy, and I'll be happy.
Because No. One. Else. Is.
God I love being a progressive.
Commissar Theocritus
And then you'll be happy, and I'll be happy.Because No. One. Else. Is.
God I love being a progressive.
You said it, comrade!
(progressivism off)
Regarding the Lions Club and similar organizations, as an angry wise-a$$ progressive teen, I used to ridicule such groups, even though I occasionally dropped coins in their donation boxes or bought mints or chiclets. The cover of the Dead Kennedys album Frankenchrist and lyrics combined to create ignorance and disdain for Shriners in particular. Then one day at my job as post-gustatory equipment sanitation engineer (or "dishwasher"), I ridiculed the Shriners before a college student whose father happened to be a Shriner. Without any sign of irritation, he explained some things the Shriners do, like donate money to hospitals and sick children. I felt like such a boor. It was a learning moment, one was step along my path to reactionary thought.
(progressivism on)
The Lions, Elks, and their ilk should be banned, for the State is omniscient and über-caring.
In Japan, when Lions' Club members meet to do things like pick up trash on weekends, they reportedly replace "-san" with "-lion," so you might hear someone say, "Good work, Suzuki-lion!" instead of "Good work, Suzuki-san!"
Comrade_Tovarich
Comrades,(progressivism off)
Regarding the Lions Club and similar organizations, as an angry wise-a$$ progressive teen, I used to ridicule such groups, even though I occasionally dropped coins in their donation boxes or bought mints or chiclets. The cover of the Dead Kennedys album Frankenchrist and lyrics combined to create ignorance and disdain for Shriners in particular. Then one day at my job as post-gustatory equipment sanitation engineer (or "dishwasher"), I ridiculed the Shriners before a college student whose father happened to be a Shriner. Without any sign of irritation, he explained some things the Shriners do, like donate money to hospitals and sick children. I felt like such a boor. It was a learning moment, one was step along my path to reactionary thought.
(progressivism on)
The Lions, Elks, and their ilk should be banned, for the State is omniscient and über-caring.
In Japan, when Lions' Club members meet to do things like pick up trash on weekends, they reportedly replace "-san" with "-lion," so you might hear someone say, "Good work, Suzuki-lion!" instead of "Good work, Suzuki-san!"
To be one, ask one.
1. Hide temporarily in a ear muff manufacturing plant. (Cocaine Osama’s
ears are so large that he avoids any place that focuses on normal size
ears!)
2. Hire ACORN to recruit 1000 new members into the Communist Party.
(This will undoubtedly solidify my loyalty to Cocaine Osama)
3. Register all the new illegal immigrants (oh sorry they are foreign
nationals now) to welfare to prove my allegiance to the welfare state.
This glorious plan will make me at least a ear (A Big Huge Ear) for the new administration in Chicago. I must go now comrades, my neighbors are getting interviewed by the Obama Truth Squad and I must hide.
Chairman M. S. Punchenko
Why hurt the sharks in the boardroom who rape and pillage when I can hurt the little guy just trying to get by, or the charity organization that truly has good intentions when it comes to helping people? I rather kick small business than big business, Theocritus. I rather stick it to the little bastard who thinks he is going to make an impact or one day become successful. I want to take the American dream away from these people, Theocritus, and it starts at the local level!Regulation will choke the big guys and I'll read it in the paper. But spitting in the face of the little guy after you swindle him and take him for everything he's got -- not to mention have the local authorities close him down for violations -- is absolutely priceless..
Professional courtesy da? Or shall we say Progressive Courtesy™?
Commissar Theocritus
I have tried, Meow, to kill off decent impulses but there are just too many decent people. How will we proceed in goose-step into the Progressive World of Next Tuesday until all decent people are sniveling, angry, scowling, hate-filled Party Members?Too many decent people Commissar? From where do you come to this conclusion? Clearly we have much work to do together. Lets take a simple example, people can be easily broken down into loyal Party members and those who are not party members. Clearly one can hardly call a non-party prole a "decent people." They are mere cogs in the machine. Conversely, show me a "decent" Party member, and I will show you ThoughtCrime™.
On a similar vein, I need to get something off my chest. Yesterday I turned 371 dog years in age. The question that has bothered me is this. On the one paw, I feel like I have been an abysmal failure for not having sired any shovel bearers for the Party, much less any offspring to pass on my Party privileges and wisdom to. On the other paw, my failure to produce offspring has contributed in the fight to prevent global warming, and all the other ills that oxygen consumers inflict on the planet. Should I be denounced or what?
Marshal Pupovich
Commissar Theocritus
I have tried, Meow, to kill off decent impulses but there are just too many decent people. How will we proceed in goose-step into the Progressive World of Next Tuesday until all decent people are sniveling, angry, scowling, hate-filled Party Members?Too many decent people Commissar? From where do you come to this conclusion? Clearly we have much work to do together. Lets take a simple example, people can be easily broken down into loyal Party members and those who are not party members. Clearly one can hardly call a non-party prole a "decent people." They are mere cogs in the machine. Conversely, show me a "decent" Party member, and I will show you ThoughtCrime™.
On a similar vein, I need to get something off my chest. Yesterday I turned 371 dog years in age. The question that has bothered me is this. On the one paw, I feel like I have been an abysmal failure for not having sired any shovel bearers for the Party, much less any offspring to pass on my Party privileges and wisdom to. On the other paw, my failure to produce offspring has contributed in the fight to prevent global warming, and all the other ills that oxygen consumers inflict on the planet. Should I be denounced or what?
You should be held up as a shining example for not contributing to Global Warming, then summarily shot for failure to contribute to the continued existence of the Glorious Party. That way you can serve as two examples and cut down on the need for one more. Efficient and
We will now paws to consider the ramifications of all this.
Speaking of crimes against the state, I am on the verge of charging the Chairman. for I am nearly certain it was he who posted an image so wide that I must slide back and forth to read posts. I would charge him, but lets face it, the Chairman is a walking scandal wherever his lecherous hands can be found.
Guardian of Pravda
You should be held up as a shining example for not contributing to Global Warming, then summarily shot for failure to contribute to the continued existence of the Glorious Party. That way you can serve as two examples and cut down on the need for one more. Efficient andWe will now paws to consider the ramifications of all this.
Comrade Guardian of Pravda,
An excellent solution that harkens back to dear Stalin: "No man, no problem."
Yet may I query as to where and when the execution will be summarily conducted? I assume post delivery (after the green crime has been completed) but before handling the new Party members that might become tainted. In the waiting room might be a good choice, for others will be there as well, which will provide an exceptional opportunity for a group education session, an opportunity not to be missed.
Comrade Pupovich,
It is of course nothing personal in my recommendation. It's only for your and the Party's own good that I make this recommendation.
Cradle to Grave Marxist
Yo Red G.Ain't dissin the gubmint for beets, an a sharp shovel.
and here is my face o respect
now am off to the shelter for free food before rolling phat
Comrade “Pul” хулиганье
And makin' thugs out you suckas.
From the cradle to the grave.
Well thank Lenin someone finally got some use out of my Lenin smiley (is funny no?.. he's not smiling... )... and in respect of Pinkie's Obama Matryoshka dolls and now that I've got PS loaded on the 'AirBook', I think it's time I dug out the old tablet and stylus and did us a big-eared, wide-grinned toothy smiley... as long as I keep the hair short and leave out the freckles, he shouldn't look too much like Alfred E. Neuman, though "What, Me Worry?" might be a good slogan along with "Yes We Can".. and then finish the Hillary smiley I started last year before I got sick, now that she's Queen of the World... it will be interesting to try the tablet in the 'Airbook'... I hope those asshats at Wacom have fixed the proximity problem they were having with their Mac software... we shall find out tomorrow after I go to my eye doctor and see whether or not I've gotten rid of this eye inflammation... it will be so good to see clearly again...
Pupovich
Yesterday I turned 371 dog years in age. The question that has bothered me is this. On the one paw, I feel like I have been an abysmal failure for not having sired any shovel bearers for the Party, much less any offspring to pass on my Party privileges and wisdom to. On the other paw, my failure to produce offspring has contributed in the fight to prevent global warming, and all the other ills that oxygen consumers inflict on the planet. Should I be denounced or what?First, Pupovich, congratulations on your birthday. But second, you ought to be ashamed for your continuing use of the resources of Goddess Gaia. For do you not know that you have less right to the bounty of the earth than does the furbish lousewort? Or the Concho River snail darter? For after all, everyone knows that catfish food is more important than a human being.
Sigh. Pup, do you really want another denunciation? I mean, after so many isn't it sort of like rolling on your back, paws in the air, waiting for your soft underbelly to be scratched? You have sailed through so many of them it's like the Clintonistas practicing how to fool a polygraph, you know. We know you can do a denunciation.
Now as to whether you can survive a night in the same bedroom with our MTE when she's drunk on Virgin's Blood...
Commissar Theocritus
...I am not a thug. I am a Democrat...
I laughed so hard that I had to spend five minutes cleaning the monitor--not easy task for unemployed-failed-community-organizer.
Cradle to Grave Marxist
I laughed so hard that I had to spend five minutes cleaning the monitor--not easy task for unemployed-failed-community-organizer.Comrade CtGM,
You are not unemployed, comrade: you are unexploited and thus free to rap or, better yet, be subsidized to rap, dawg!
Comrade_Tovarich
Comrade Pupovich,It is of course nothing personal in my recommendation. It's only for your and the Party's own good that I make this recommendation.
Of course Comrade Tovarich, I do not take this as a personal assault from you on one who is more equal. Pay no attention to my entering your response into my database. But perhaps. you should have waited to see what Commissar Theocritus had to say,,,,patience Comrade, patience. This is critical in order to survive and prosper in the Party, that is of course when patience is not a virtue and one best jump in feet first. The trick of course is to be able to discern which time it is. Sadly, you failed this time as you can see below....
Commissar Theocritus
[Sigh. Pup, do you really want another denunciation? I mean, after so many isn't it sort of like rolling on your back, paws in the air, waiting for your soft underbelly to be scratched? You have sailed through so many of them it's like the Clintonistas practicing how to fool a polygraph, you know. We know you can do a denunciation.Ah Commissar, you know me all too well. Perhaps I was just seeing what sort of contribution I might receive for my 371st birthday. Er.. perhaps we could hold off on the evening with the MTE, she will be busy after all preparing for her new job, cleansing up the Bill, perhaps even finding some one who will take him in when she must go overseas.
Binsky Robinoff
Guest
Marshal Pupovich
On a similar vein, I need to get something off my chest. Yesterday I turned 371 dog years in age. The question that has bothered me is this.
That's quite a bit of puppy chow to consume, comrade. How many carbon footprints you must have made running from dognest to bowl I don't even want to consider.
Marshal Pupovich
On the one paw, I feel like I have been an abysmal failure for not having sired any shovel bearers for the Party, much less any offspring to pass on my Party privileges and wisdom to. On the other paw, my failure to produce offspring has contributed in the fight to prevent global warming, and all the other ills that oxygen consumers inflict on the planet. Should I be denounced or what?I think you should denounce yourself and thus prove an example to the community in three ways:
1. sired no contributions to global environment warming change wtf: order of the Algore pristine planet concernedness
2. denounced self for not creating new party members: order of the true party patriot
2. shot for violating party rules and peeing on the carpet: order of the bullet through the pate for the good of the party.
That ought to about cover it and your legacy will be great (until the next purge when your photo will be expunged and every record of your existence wiped from the collective memory. Ah, good times! good times!)
Anonymous
Marshal Pupovich
On a similar vein, I need to get something off my chest. Yesterday I turned 371 dog years in age. The question that has bothered me is this.
That's quite a bit of puppy chow to consume, comrade. How many carbon footprints you must have made running from dognest to bowl I don't even want to consider.
Marshal Pupovich
On the one paw, I feel like I have been an abysmal failure for not having sired any shovel bearers for the Party, much less any offspring to pass on my Party privileges and wisdom to. On the other paw, my failure to produce offspring has contributed in the fight to prevent global warming, and all the other ills that oxygen consumers inflict on the planet. Should I be denounced or what?I think you should denounce yourself and thus prove an example to the community in three ways:
1. sired no contributions to global environment warming change wtf: order of the Algore pristine planet concernedness
2. denounced self for not creating new party members: order of the true party patriot
2. shot for violating party rules and peeing on the carpet: order of the bullet through the pate for the good of the party.
That ought to about cover it and your legacy will be great (until the next purge when your photo will be expunged and every record of your existence wiped from the collective memory. Ah, good times! good times!)
Great Lenin's Hairy Ghost! I've got to remember to sign in next time. This is me; I am the fellow from Porlock.
Commissar Theocritus
Oh, Meow, Meow. I get it. I get it now. That's why you're a chairman and I'm merely a Commissar, albeit the commissar for impaling for the common good.This is an eggselent question Dear Commissar. Just what is he the Chairman? Is this perhaps some Frank Sinatra like nickname such as "Chariman of the Board," or what. After all Dear Commissar, we know where our talents lie, what broad responsibilities we have For the Common Good™, but this Chairman? Why. he still clings hopelessly to the MTE, a mere figurehead. Why, the MTE falls far below Nancy even in the order of Succession. Even Robert Byrd is above the former Empress. Hell, she can't even be considered the first black Sec of State! Now far be it from me to be one to point these things out about the Chairman in some tawdry effort to gain his ill gotten powers. I will not denounce the Chairman, nor do I want my paw prints found on the knife in his back.... no siree, no prints whatsoever!
No, what I came to respond was to point out that no one even came close to a most salient point, that being, "Did the Party see fit for me to sire off spring?" This bourgeois notion that most of you no doubt still harbor, that you will continue to have the right to choose your mate, or choose if you are to have children or how many, is no longer yours to choose. This is a most salient point for the World of Next Tuesday,
As you can see, I did not reach the ripe old age (and believe me, I am ripe) of 371 dog years nor survived multiple show trials, without filling myself with progressive wisdom, and believe me, I am full of it, ask any one.
Marshal Pupovich
This is an eggselent question Dear Commissar. Just what is he the Chairman?I Chair the state Party here in the People's Socialist Commonwealth of Virginia where I am close enough to Washington to pull the necessary strings to keep myself rich, fat and happy. I also have a healthy pool of Washington Gubmint apparatchiks in Northern Virginia to manipulate which in turn garners me vast amounts of government resources. These resources translate into favors which ultimately gives me enough power to muscle any and all apparatchiks including the national Party Chairman. I'm a very good Kleptocrat.
Marshal Pupovich
Is this perhaps some Frank Sinatra like nickname such as "Chariman of the Board," or what.I'm a bigger whore than Sinatra.
Marshal Pupovich
After all Dear Commissar, we know where our talents lie, what broad responsibilities we have For the Common Good™, but this Chairman?My responsibility is making sure everyone else does my responsibilities for me while I delegate responsibility to other people in an effort to make myself look important and powerful.
I also make sure that no one -- and I mean NO ONE -- is capable of doing my responsibilities to the fullest so that my responsibility will always be my responsibility alone to pass onto those who I deem fit to carry out my responsibilites. I of course take the credit if and when they do a good job and then demote them for some fabricated failure so that I won't have to worry about them rising in the ranks too quickly. I value my job security.
Marshal Pupovich
Why. he still clings hopelessly to the MTE, a mere figurehead. Why, the MTE falls far below Nancy even in the order of Succession. Even Robert Byrd is above the former Empress.I cling to anyone with money and power. Hillary had money and power. Hillary doesn't have money or power anymore -- she doesn't even control the Party anymore. If you read her latest Purge thread you would see just what I think of Hillary now that she is a lowly cabinet member. I'm sure I'll crawl back to her if and when the Messiah falls from grace -- I did mention I was a whore, didn't I?
You must make a lot of money at that.
On this day in a small obscure town in Illinois the future greatness of the great one was made manifest when he squirted into the world from his mother's glorious fundaments. Then three wise guys were led by a star, or several stars like Matt Damon, to insure the elevation of the ONE to his permanent state of erection into office!
Now on this great day children all over the world leave their shoes hanging over the fireplace in eager anticipation of the ONE who flies from house to house delivering wonderful gifts and taking any valuable items from the household in order to spread the wealth around.
On this day all men/women/PIGS (persyns of indistinguishable gender) will rejoice at the glorious dawning of the new dawn when the ONE comes full circle and stands before the multitudes to raise his glistening paw over {{{insert valued text here}}} and swear by Gog, Magog, and EggNog "I, {{state your name}}}, do solemnly swear (or affirm or make gesticulations with my flabby thighs) that I will support and defend or whatever the Constitution of the United States against all enemies, foreign, domestic and imported; that I will bear true faith and allegiance to the same document alluded to in a vague and ambiguous way; and that I will frame the orders of the President of the United States and the orders of the officers appointed under me, in whatever manner I see fit to bring about the world of next Tuesday. So help me {{{insert diety of choice or Noam Chomsky here}}}." Then there will be grog, presents, mistletoe and good shrimping for everyone.[/justify]
You can get a head start on the festivities and purchase this lovely Lenin Sucker for your larval units:
But I've been lurking here on this website of enlightened solidarity for some months, ever since I discovered we were about to elect a dear leader who would show us the way to collectivist glory!
Not since my youth, when the cherished revolutionary William "Scumbag" Ayers was blowing up government buildings and any hapless bystanders or yellow running dog lackeys nearby (though he is now selling out to the capitalist pigs by claiming it was just "extreme vandalism") have I been this excited!
I can't wait to be issued my shovel!
Which is what brings me to actually register for this board. I can't tell you how thrilled I am to discover our Dear Leader-to-Be not only has a firm plan to keep us toiling in the roads and fields, but he has actually mentioned my shovel itself!
Here, in His very words, off Drudge:
The president-elect announced on Saturday he would call for the most massive spending on public works since the creation of the interstate highway system a half-century ago. In a word of caution to powerful lawmakers, he said the first priority would be "shovel-ready" projects - those that could create jobs rights away.
"Shovel-ready!" A tingle runs up my leg!
And how prescient you all were, comrades.
Once you have seen the light you need only wait for the change that follows.
In the immortal words of Walt Disney. Hi Ho Hi Ho , It's off to work we go.
Comrade Coco
Comrades, I can't figure out where to introduce myself here, or where to introduce a new topic.YO! G!
Welcome to the cube. Don't let da Chairman see that yo gots a wallet.
I'm 'pressed that yo gots yo own shovel from My-Man-G-The-One on the cheeps. I heared that afta MLK day, th' proles gots to pay BIG for th' shovels--change, man.
Catch yo 'round, I gotsa drive-by-biz ta plan--for a bro that is off da entitlement train. Sukkas never learn--once ya take th' man's hand-out bag, yo is hooked fo life on entitlements. Is bad, man.
Comrade “Pul” хулиганье
And makin' thugs out you suckas.
From the cradle to the grave.
Guardian of Pravda
Da. Of course we took the Courses at Lenigrad U.My courses were all at Stalingrad Technical Federated University. Ah, yes, good ol' STFU. Why our fight song alone crossed every boundary of decency (not to mention being utterly unsingable).
This is part of the Genocide fraternity at STFU; they are a small, but very influential fraternity indeed!
Cradle to Grave Marxist
I want a gravity hammer.It will just weigh you down man.
AbecedariusRex
Guardian of Pravda
Da. Of course we took the Courses at Lenigrad U.My courses were all at Stalingrad Technical Federated University. Ah, yes, good ol' STFU. Why our fight song alone crossed every boundary of decency (not to mention being utterly unsingable).
This is part of the Genocide fraternity at STFU; they are a small, but very influential fraternity indeed!
The guy standing taller than anyone else is a spy. He is from the Mother Ship.
I thought the Genocide Frat colors were Red, Black and Blue.
Guardian of Pravda
AbecedariusRex
Guardian of Pravda
Da. Of course we took the Courses at Lenigrad U.My courses were all at Stalingrad Technical Federated University. Ah, yes, good ol' STFU. Why our fight song alone crossed every boundary of decency (not to mention being utterly unsingable).
This is part of the Genocide fraternity at STFU; they are a small, but very influential fraternity indeed!
The guy standing taller than anyone else is a spy. He is from the Mother Ship.
I thought the Genocide Frat colors were Red, Black and Blue.
Those are their dress colors. Here they are wearing their casual rally for annihilation of lesser races and coffee house colors.
Comrade Coco
I can't wait to be issued my shovel!Which is what brings me to actually register for this board. I can't tell you how thrilled I am to discover our Dear Leader-to-Be not only has a firm plan to keep us toiling in the roads and fields, but he has actually mentioned my shovel itself!
Here, in His very words, off Drudge:
The president-elect announced on Saturday he would call for the most massive spending on public works since the creation of the interstate highway system a half-century ago. In a word of caution to powerful lawmakers, he said the first priority would be "shovel-ready" projects - those that could create jobs rights away.
"Shovel-ready!" A tingle runs up my leg!
And how prescient you all were, comrades.
Welcome to the Collective Comrade Coco. You will be issued a shovel by the guard upon arrival at the Karl Marx Re-Education Center following delousing. I can feel the Collective force is strong in you and you will be put to good use building the World of Next Tuesday.
Chairman M. S. Punchenko
I'm thankful for the Obama Inaugural dollar.And the Obama Victory plate.
And the Obama coin set.
And the Obama bobble head.
(off)
This is what happens when I see this kind of crap. . .
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Study: Obama's threat to butn tax money in Washington 'recruitment bonanza' for Tea Parties
Imam Rauf finds a peaceful solution: 'Move Ground Zero a few blocks away from the mosque and no one gets hurt'
New Yorkers to Rauf: 'move mosque to Mecca; Ground Zero at location can be arranged'
Modernizing Islam: New York imam proposes to canonize Saul Alinsky as religion's latter day prophet
General Petraeus: non-halal meals, uncovered female Americans endanger U.S. troops
U.S. forces in Afghanistan brace for backlash after President's message on Rosh Hashana and Yom Kipur
Cardboard cutouts used to fill empty seats for Obama's appearance as Obama takes credit for creating jobs in cardboard-cutout sector
Taliban commanders warn that a plan to build Ground Zero mosque could provoke violence against their troops and operatives overseas
MSNBC suggests Florida church burn Bible instead of Koran; fewer pages mean smaller carbon footprint
New York Neighbors for American Values offer to voluntarily behead themselves to prove tolerance to Muslims; rabbi Arthur Waskow offers to self-incinerate in oven instead
The U.N. posthumously awards all French military personal that served during May of 1940 a medal for Courageous Restraint
White House revises policy to announce when President is at work instead of announcing when he is going on vacation
Seattle: sonic booms of fighter jets shatter glass, stimulate economy
Obama promises to create thousands more economically neutral jobs
White House: Spanish vacation saved or created 3,427 jobs
Pelosi issues recall of House, citing electoral safety concerns
Obama's lack of cojones a bold-face lie: proof
Elton John Working On Anti-Obama Musical
Congress ceases Pentagon spending, outsources armed forces to China
Shirley Sherrod accepts apology, gets new gov't job in End of Life Counseling
On first visit as Britain's PM, David Cameron chooses a communist state, seeks détente
Report: President Obama to visit the United States in the near future
GOP challengers promise post-racial presidency after 2012
Doctors: Glenn Beck's worsening eyesight and inability to focus give hope he may yet join other media and follow Obama
Parachuting donkey lands into Vice President's desk, continues business as usual
Obama calls on radical groups to comply with rules for radicals
NAACP condemns racism within al Qaeda: 'We don't have a problem with radicals, we have an issue with their acceptance of white Arab supremacists into their organizations'
Obama denies al-Qaeda stimulus money, redirects funds to 'less racist' man-made disaster management organizations
In view of lasting heat wave, all weather forecasts are temporarily replaced with 'An Inconvenient Truth' infomercials
NAACP strongly denounces The New Black Panthers
Caught in another hateful rant, Mel Gibson apologizes to representatives of hurt communities: Russian mail-order bride community, silicone breast-implant community, slutty clothes designer community, Vegas whore community, rapist community, and personally to Al Sharpton
Europe: Oracle Octopus predicts World Cup winner;
USA: Oracle Dodo predicts economic growth
Today's box office: LeBron knixes New York in a suspense thriller The Field of Nightmares (Tax Them and They Won't Come)
In a last-ditch effort to get popular with Americans, Supreme Court nominee Elena Kagan reveals she's a Russian spy, photoshops her face on Anna Chapman's nude photos, wins by a landslide
Portland Tribune to receive Pulitzer Prize for best investigative non-reporting of Al Gore's sexual public service blooper
War on Arizona turns to quagmire; Obama sets timetable on American withdrawal by 2011
MSNBC: Obama's firing McChrystal a positive move to bring long-awaited improvement in oil-spill-affected news coverage
Harry Reid changes name to John F Kennedy in last ditch effort to win re-election
White House spokesman Gibbs clarifies why President's answers to nation's problems seem surreal, bizarre and inappropriate, by comparing reporter's question to a purple polka-dotted people-eater riding a tricycle
Obama: green economy likely to transform America into a leading third world country of the new millennium
President taps Pay Czar for BP payouts to victims: Unions order freighter of champagne
EPA: New climate bill will cost less than a postage stamp a day to those still able to afford a postage stamp
Helen Thomas Gets "Rachel Corrie Golden Bulldozer Award"
Puzzled media: Apparently, Al Gore is pro-drill
Gay Pride parade in Gaza cancels inclusion of Israeli group
Obama blames Bush for screwing up his 'Don't Make Excuses' grad speech in Kalamazoo, Michigan
Helen Thomas to leave US for ancestral Lebanon to no longer be occupier of La Raza's Land
Following phrase scheduled to appear on every Sunday morning news show: 'What Helen actually ment to say was...'
Helen Thomas to be inducted into Museum of Natural History
Obama's Deficit Reduction Commission operating in the red
Al Gore: It's a shame that a family can be torn apart by something as simple as a pack of polar bears
Democrats introduce bill regulating who can be a politician
BP hires Gaza flotilla peace activists to beat oil back into hole
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