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Swimming Home Alone

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Scene One

Mary Jo:

Gurgel.....gasp.....<water sucking sound>.....gasp! Teddy....blurbbbb....

OK, to mime this you need a person not pretending to swim but pretending to mime drowning.

Any takers for scene two?

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Scene Two

Teddy:

(a drunken mime treads water and flees the set, Hail to the Chief plays) Exit Teddy mime, enter Joe Kennedy Sr. mime -

Joe Kennedy mime takes out check book and cuts check to Mary Jo's parents and local police... he also pays 5.99 for neck-brace for Teddy mime to proudly display before the press. Hail to the Chief continues to play.

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What about the submerged car? Isn't there supposed to be a car somewhere?

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Chairman M. S. Punchenko wrote:Scene Two
Teddy:
(a drunken mime treads water and flees the set, Hail to the Chief plays) Exit Teddy mime, enter Joe Kennedy Sr. mime -
Joe Kennedy mime takes out check book and cuts check to Mary Jo's parents and local police... he also pays 5.99 for neck-brace for Teddy mime to proudly display before the press. Hail to the Chief continues to play.
I'm sorry, but will the rest of the film be in flashback?... if not, then this really sort of flattens out the story arc a bit... how 'bout a little plot development?... where are the supporting cast members? - the sheriff getting the call at home in the middle of the night... his put-upon wife... the local bow-legged coot who runs from his utility-less shack down by the Chapaquiddik with a storm lantern to see what's gone amiss ("Those damn kids!")... subsequent futile meetings full of AA and Eaters Anon. extras wherein we see Teddy struggle with his inner demons and his desire to reveal to Daddy Dearest how his self-perceived 'short-comings' in relation to his brothers have spurred him to both his highest and lowest moments... his mentally retarded (sorry... challenged) sister... There's just so much damn material I don't know where to start... There's a whole season on HBO here... could run it right after ROME, since both feature a bunch of fat drunken guys in togas with homo-erotic overtones, and the decline of civilizations...

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WE DON'T HAVE ENOUGH MONEY FOR THAT KIND OF PRODUCTION! Oh, thats right; I totally forgot the Democrats control both chambers of Congress! We have MORE than enough money for this production, more than enough!

LET US SUFFER FOR THE ARTS (and the children)!

Take two? Anybody, anybody at all?

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I'll take 2 slices of bacon... wait, you were offering bacon right?

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Chairman M. S. Punchenko wrote:Take two? Anybody, anybody at all?
Teddy drags himself out of the raging black water and onto the rocky riverbank and vomits down the front of his sodden suit before passing out?

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No, hot pockets, go ahead and help yourself, there are plenty for everyone.

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Maybe we should be assigned roles for this production. I think - which is forbidden, mind you - that someone should draw names from a hat to see who will play who - we're communist after all, it's only fair to be told who and what we will be for the Greater Good of Laika's play (or musical extravaganza of peace, hope and tolerance).

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Mmmm... the best tasting laxatives I have ever had.

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Premier Betty wrote:Mmmm... the best tasting laxatives I have ever had.

I know, they're delicious! <grabs gut> Oh Lenin help me! Uggh, excuse me for a second! <runs to bathroom> Ugggggghhhhh, give me strength Lenin, help me push this turd out! Ugggghhhhhh, Ahhhhhhhhhh! <flush> Ahhh, much better... whew... ahh...

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WOW! Good thing I got that on video! What a coincidence, the product of that rectal explosion looked like the main character of this production! Either that, of Jabba the Hutt....

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I agree sister M.O.! We must turn this mime play into an over-budget Hollywood drama with a litany of useless characters who were at the scene of the "accident" (think "Bobby" but with more money and action scenes). Maybe we could cast the entire Sheen family to play the "bow-legged coot"?

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Chairman M. S. Punchenko wrote:I agree sister M.O.! We must turn this mime play into an over-budget Hollywood drama with a litany of useless characters who were at the scene of the "accident" (think "Bobby" but with more money and action scenes). Maybe we could cast the entire Sheen family to play the "bow-legged coot"?
I see we are of one mind... if shot in Kanadistan, produktion would qualify for many subsidies and tax credits, as well as strong union presence in the form of IATSE (minus teamsters, as Toronto IA local refused to let them in)... we could probably even get one of Pierre (how much for a fisting) Trudeau's kids to act in it... one of them fancies himself a media whore. And as I'm sure you know from Micheal Moore's stirring opus, Freakingout 9/11, Toronto is a gentle shire where actors often keep their doors unlocked and are only armed in order to hunt for food and not protekt property, as that would just be rude...

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Scene three


The Senahtah mimes a body (Mary Jo) that keeps floating up and he keeps pushing it down....he pushes it down...it keeps floating back up....he pushes it back down....Mary Jo floats back up.

<children in the audience scream with glee>

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The slapstick fun continues as the Senahtah, comically desperate to sink Mary Jo and to howls of audience laughter, ties his "magic floating rock" to her body. She floats up even faster! He can't push her down! The children in the audience roar with delight at his hangdog look of chagrin as he mimes watching her body rocket to the surface. Then, just in time, he pulls a tiny plastic anchor out of his suitcase of tricks. He swings the tiny plastic anchor like a sledge hammer, hooks it's tiny fluke through her dress. He mimes watching her sink down, down, down out of sight. Though he's still underwater he pulls a bottle of gin out of his suitcase of tricks. The Senahtah mimes his relief with a toast. The audience claps wildly at the mime's small victory over one of life's little hurdles.

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Scene four

(Senahtah exits and stage fades to black)

(Whimsicle music comes on)

A police mime with puff rosy cheeks waddles on to stage. To his bewilderment he finds a lone solitary black Oldsmobile clown car. The police mime - dazed and confused at the sight of the car - begins scratching his head as he waddles about the car in absolute comical disarray , the children in the audience scream on in chuckles "open the driver door!", "go on, open the driver door!".

The police mime is still confused, what on Earth could those children be shouting about? He points to the driver door as the children continue their plea, "Yes! Go on, open it!” Upon the police mimes face appears a jovial grin as he tries to pull the door open, to no avail the door remains shut as he tugs harder, and harder and even harder! The children continue to scream as the Senahtah throws the key to the police mime from backstage. WHOOSH! The door floods open on its own as a sea of liquor and drink olives pour unto the children sitting in the front row. In absolute screams of laughter, Mary Jo's body also pours out of the little black Oldsmobile clown car. The Senahtah jumps at the sight of the body and then flees on stage to stuff it back in the car before getting caught by the police mime.

<the children and their parents are rolling in their seats in laughter>

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Chairman M. S. Punchenko wrote:Scene four
(Senahtah exits and stage fades to black)
(Whimsicle music comes on)....WHOOSH! The door floods open on its own as a sea of liquor and drink olives pour unto the children sitting in the front row. In absolute screams of laughter, Mary Jo's body also pours out of the little black Oldsmobile clown car. The Senahtah jumps at the sight of the body and then flees on stage to stuff it back in the car before getting caught by the police mime. <the children and their parents are rolling in their seats in laughter>
mmMMMmmm... Whimsicles... and drink olives... are you sure this isn't dinnah theatah?

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Scene Five


Mikael Jackson moonwalks across the stage as "Neil Armstrong" to give the act historical time frame perspective.
And the whole planet doesn't pay attention to "Swimming Home Alone".

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Laika the Space Dog wrote:Scene Five


Mikael Jackson moonwalks across the stage as "Neil Armstrong" to give the act historical time frame perspective.
And the whole planet doesn't pay attention to "Swimming Home Alone".

In conjuction with a choir of Bobby Kennedy's singing "Gawd Bless Amerahcah" while pushing their hair to the side.

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Chairman M. S. Punchenko wrote:In conjuction with a choir of Bobby Kennedy's singing "Gawd Bless Amerahcah" while pushing their hair to the side.
... I know a drag queen who does a great Marilyn Monroe "Happy Birthday, Mr. President"...

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Scene six

The Senahtah opens his magical Oldsmobile trunk and pulls out a foam neck brace and puts it on. Then he pulls out a placard that says "I'm the victim, pity me! My brothers are dead!"
He then mimes downing a jigger of Jameson's and does an Irish jig on Mary Jo's grave to the tune of "Come On Eileen" by Dexy's Midnight Runners.

<the audience bawls big croc tears and cries "Yes, the Senahtah is the victim! Go toora loora toora loo rye aye!>


 
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