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In a blockbuster study by Dr. Vincent Guumbotz of the prestigious Academy of Complete Scientific Thought, it was determined without a smidgen of doubt that the correlation and thus causation between smoking increasing and climate change was evident. Likewise, in an amazing unanticipated side finding, the correlation between Climate Change and increased smoking was also found.

We caught up with Dr. Guumbotz in Ricky's Lounge, on Ridge Pike in Norristown PA , where he was still waiting for the jury verdict in the Bill Cosby case. Guumbotz is an expert witness for the defense as he is an expert in determining causation by correlation. He declined to state what his testimony was in the Cosby case. We asked him how he came to find such correlations on climate change and smoking. He said that by applying his EPA grant money to a set of variables attached to an old cigarette vending machine and placing it outside Ricky's, he was able to recreate the desired outcome. When it was warmer outside, he sold more cigarettes to the public through his vending machine. When colder, less people bought cigarettes. Thus, climate change increases smoking.

But how one must ask, does smoking increase climate change? According to the good Doctor, there are three positive vectors associated with smoking increasing climate change: one, when one smokes, one exhales more CO2 than if simply breathing; two, the actual burning of the evil tobacco leaves creates 405 pounds of CO2 per cigarette which increases global warming a lot; and three, the massive amounts of fossil fuels used to grow, harvest, package and ship cigarettes has been calculated to equal the CO2 output of a large volcano.

Finally, and most alarmingly, the feedback loop caused by smoking and climate change is 100x the individual effects. According to Guumbotz, when one smokes, all the CO2 emitted causes said warming. That warming then allows for a longer growing season and extends the growing range of tobacco plants. Thus, soon, they will be growing tobacco in Manitoba, and we all know how much the Canadians smoke. Imagine if they can grow their own. Thus, the loop is exacerbated.

And finally, smoking has been linked to opioid use. While Guumbotz has not yet shown the correlation and thus the causation of smoking to opioid use, he said as soon as the Cosby matter is over, he will apply for an FDA grant to prove the theory.

If Climate Change™ will help Canada become self-sufficient in tobacco production, then it will surely help Mother Russia™ finally become Beet Farmer to the World™.

Uncle Joe Stoli wrote:Smoking Causes Global Warming, Global Warming Causing Smoking
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And finally, smoking has been linked to opioid use. While Guumbotz has not yet shown the correlation and thus the causation of smoking to opioid use, he said [highlight=#FFFF00]as soon as the Cosby matter is over, he will apply for an FDA grant to prove the theory[/highlight].

Comrades;

Talk about injustice! Not only is Cosby guilty of brutal crimes against millions of womyns, but his obstructionist legal tactics cause endless retrials which in turn delay Guumbotz's research grant check, making these delays both an actual and proximate cause of death for billions of innocent, crib bound, opioid addicted infants and children! And they say Stalin was a creep!

CC
The offense rests -

And...and...and...When did this global warming really begin? Back in the 1600s, when the evil White European Males discovered smoking while raping and pillaging the New World!

Comrade Uncle Joe, I was under the impression that Heaven (well, for us Next Tuesday) was red.

Smoking causes Global Warming, which causes smoking - it is indeed the mother of all feedback loops.

It's also very similar to the media reports on Global Warming that cause more political pressure which causes more spending on this issue which causes more media reports on Global Warming.

Now that is the father of all feedback loops.