Comrade Commissar B. Todd Vissarionovich is known as a strict Party loyalist, and has conducted numerous purges both as a USSA Marine, District Attorney, and BDATFEFG Acting Chief Commissar following the mysterious disappearance of the previous Commissar.
In a recent video, Comrade Commissar B. T. V. Jones promised more investigations and purges of disloyal BDATFEFG functionaries. The Comrade Commissar is certain to prosecute any employees of the BDATFEFG who question the authority of the Party or attempt to divulge State secrets
The BDATFEFG defends the Fatherland against illegal substances, such as guns, and illegal activites, such as gun-shaped finger gestures, from threatening the peace and stability of our glorious Progressive Democratic Socialist Republic. The State has guarantees the safety and security of all citizens through its 58 Federal Law Enforcement Agencies and Directorates, not including State Security apparatuses at the Oblast and County District levels, which brings the number to around 2,000.
Citizens should feel secure knowing that our Glorious Leader, Comrade President Barack Barackovich, is installing such a strict and loyal Party member to this important Law Enforcement agency, where he will make sure State secrets are preserved and that decisions will not be made without his authorization. Rigidity of discipline is a great strength, the pillar of Socialist bureaucracy!
The Party supports B. T. V. Jones as Chief Commissar!
Purge the BDATFEFG of disloyal Counter-revolutionaries!
Faithfully submitted to the Collective of the People’s Cube,
Whistle blowing is still encouraged when it comes to exposing subversive Tea Partiers or Rethuglikkkan trolls. Usually a middle finger gesture is all that's needed to expose them.
I personally think that that OTHER Jones guy, that Van one, would be a better permanent Director for the BDATFEFG - not only was he once a card-carrying communist, but anybody brings up his past and he could just send a troop o' BATF*CKERS to their door at 3:00 am and no more problem!
Just looking at this logo makes me feel guilty of something. I need to find that stack of Self-Denunciation Forms around here...
Red SquareWhile they're at it, they may as well change the logo for the heroic organization that is the Bureau of Dangerous Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms, Explosives, & Finger Gestures.