Comrades,

In the year 7 BO (Before Obama) our glorious government issued a formal proposal outlining the reasoning for the creation a new, cabinet-level bureaucracy - The Department of Homeland Security (DHS).

"The changing nature of the threats facing America requires a new government structure to protect against invisible enemies that can strike with a wide variety of weapons," the proposal explained. "America needs a single, unified homeland security structure that will improve protection against today's threats and be flexible enough to help meet the unknown threats of the future."

And how right they were, my friends: Why, just this week a DHS swat team nabbed Peregrine Honig, owner of Honig's Birdies Panties, as she was about to place illegal panties on sale to the public! The so called “boyshorts” sported a pair of letters emblazoned on the posterior - specifically, the letters K and C. Not only are these the initials of the Kansas City Royals, but adding insult to injury, Ms. Honig actually connected the two letters together suggesting the Royal's official logo! What criminal enterprise might have followed her illegal stitching had this outrage gone undetected? One can only speculate.

Fortunately for the Royals, and Americans everywhere, the DHS agents were able to nip Honig's pernicious plot in its infancy, thus preserving the sanctity of our major league baseball copyright laws.

So when some wise-ass Teabagger complains about the DHS and its $39 billion dollar annual budget just remind them of these brave men. Keeping an eye on women's panties may be a thankless job, but somebody has to do it - for The Children's™ sake.

DHS acted appropriately as “Take the Crown” was obviously a rally cry to overthrow our Dear Leader! I call for mandatory screening at all airports and government buildings to see what other seditious slogans are printed on the back of panties.

I denounc the use of panties for kapitalist marketing as uncalled for!

Down with PANTIES!

Chairman Meow wrote:DHS acted appropriately as “Take the Crown” was obviously a rally cry to overthrow our Dear Leader! I call for mandatory screening at all airports and government buildings to see what other seditious slogans are printed on the back of panties.

Fear not. The glorious TSA has this (un)covered at every airport in the land.