Offered in descending order of usefullness to the Messiah as well as in descending amounts of vacuousness (these two measures corelate very closely.)

1. "Present" (often used figuratively as in his pronouncements on the Iran situation.)

2. Some may say.... (introducing the next straw man...)

3. I must apologize for my country... (only used in the presence of an enemy)

4. ...but I won... (he has to keep reminding us, as if we could forget)

5. ...a problem I inherited... (It's still all GWB's fault...)

6. I really don't want to run a ____ company but... (If I keep saying that, you'll believe me)

7. ...and we will no longer be using the term (something destructive) but instead refer to it as (Orwellean euphemism)... (because Newspeak works!)

8. ....false choices... (In fascism, it's my way or the highway.)

9. Fox News.... biased... devoted to attacking me... (Yes, the media really IS biased!)

10. ...but unemployment/the economy would be much worse if it weren't for the ____ program we passed.... (but there's no way to verify it empirically so you have to take my word for it, my goofy ideas are working!)

Bonus pick: I am totally committed to (something he intends to do nothing about.)
(...So don't bother me while I ignore your concerns.)

(off)

Didn't you for get the most used word he has used Comrade,

"Uhh. . ." or "Umm. . ."?

You are correct, Commissar Homer! "Uhh" and "Umm" are BY FAR the most important words in the People's New Dictionary. I hear rumors that a special People's version of Scrabble^TM will soon be introduced containing only the tiles "U" "H" and "M", so that faithful Hope n' Changers who are also game aficionados may indulge both of their passions simultaneously!

I always have trouble telling the difference between Chairman O's speeches and the sound a slow moving zombie makes. "Uhh ohhh ahhhh errrghhhh grrrr..."

Opiate of the People wrote:You are correct, Commissar Homer! "Uhh" and "Umm" are BY FAR the most important words in the People's New Dictionary. I hear rumors that a special People's version of Scrabble^TM will soon be introduced containing only the tiles "U" "H" and "M", so that faithful Hope n' Changers who are also game aficionados may indulge both of their passions simultaneously!

Why not make it even easier and have all letters just be O? Proles will then have no choice but to praise the One when they play.

Comrades, I think the Umm's and Uhhh's aren't so much words as they are thought spacers. They serve two purposes.

First they give the illusion that Obama's thought process is so deep and complex that he struggles to put his ideas into words that us uneducated proles can understand.

Secondly and perhaps most importantly, they create a time delay so his teleprompter can flip to the next page.

Brilliant observation Comrade Whoopie. It's so obvious, but some failed to see it.

Dear Comrades: I smiled at some of these articles. It was a capitalist smile and I felt a free market tingle of enjoyment up my leg. My question is, [though I would never question the glorious revolution, Comrades!]...should I self criticise or shoot myself, AFTER I report any others who were THINKING of laughing at THE ONE? Colonel Robert Neville blogspot com. Melbourne Australia.

Colonel Neville wrote:Dear Comrades: I smiled at some of these articles. It was a capitalist smile and I felt a free market tingle of enjoyment up my leg. My question is, [though I would never question the glorious revolution, Comrades!]...should I self criticise or shoot myself, AFTER I report any others who were THINKING of laughing at THE ONE? Colonel Robert Neville blogspot com. Melbourne Australia.

Self - criticism is unnecessary... the Party^tm will criticize you sufficiently. No, comrade, please do not waste a valuable bullet shooting yourself. Instead go here and join in the denunciating of yourself and the party will assign you a shovel detail of appropriate drudgery.

Commissar_Elliott wrote:

Opiate of the People wrote:You are correct, Commissar Homer! "Uhh" and "Umm" are BY FAR the most important words in the People's New Dictionary. I hear rumors that a special People's version of Scrabble^TM will soon be introduced containing only the tiles "U" "H" and "M", so that faithful Hope n' Changers who are also game aficionados may indulge both of their passions simultaneously!

Why not make it even easier and have all letters just be O? Proles will then have no choice but to praise the One when they play.

Omg, I just realized that this actually could work!!!!


"story of sexual obsession"???? ABC, CBS, NBC... do ya think?

I would also add.....

"That is an invalid criticism, in fact my plan will (will not) _______________"

Translation: "They are absolutely right, but the flip flop isn't scheduled to happen for another 2 or 3 days, and even then, I don't expect anyone to notice."