Oscars 2013: Michelle Obama announces the long-awaited merger of Hollywood and the State

The People's Cube in the Washington Times


WASHINGTON, DC, February 25, 2013 - The People's Cube official film critic from Canada has a massively opinionated attitude towards last night's Oscars

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Every year since Out of Africa won the 1985 Oscar for Best Art Direction (they got the same dishes Isak Dinesen had in her house, and then, if you're a believer, God did the rest) instead of Brazil - a film which, even if you don't share the director's politics, is a brilliant work of art that not only pays homage to many classic films from many genres before it, but artfully exposes the dystopian nightmare that last evening's Academy Awards ultimately represents - I've sworn I would never watch the Academy Awards again.

I was in the midst of film school, young and full of innocence and wonder at the possibilities that lay ahead, and so such gatherings of mutual adoration and presumption of the place of celebrity opinion in politics did not yet fill me with quite as much complete and utter contempt as it now does.

And yet, somehow, every year, I get sucked into doing it again - a classic example of Einstein's definition of insanity; but to those of a more Pollyannaish bent, also an example that hope springs eternal. It may simply be brain damage at this point, but I always find an excuse.

I suppose this year my excuse was that I really wanted to see if the Academy would get it right and give either Ang Li or Benh Zeitlin the Best Director's Oscar. At least they didn't let me down in that respect.

I was excited that Yann Martel, a Canadian, wrote the novel, Life of Pi, which is actually a wonderful book, and Mychael Danna, another Canadian, won for best original score. In fact, several of my paesans won for their participation in the film. And barring it winning for Best Director, and Beasts of the Southern Wild being an absolutely lovely and magical film, Benh Zeitlin deserved to win had Ang Li not. So it wasn't a completely horrid evening.
At least, not until it was time for the announcement of the Best Picture Winner.

My psychic friend, Madam Blavatsky (extra small medium at large), had quietly been predicting this since the late 19th century, and now it has finally happened: the White House has unquestionably become part of the Hollywood machine, and vice versa.

Now that the U.S. government has officially finished its transformation from a Culture of Character to a Cult of Personality, next year Barack Obama is going to win Best Director; and Scott Rudin will win Best Producer because he wasn't even nominated this year. And while George Clooney, Ben Affleck, and Tony Kushner will be busy rewriting the U.S. Constitution, Harvey Weinstein will be the new President (to loosely quote Jennifer Lawrence at an earlier awards appearance this year, he'll kill whoever he has to in order to make it happen).

I'm not ready to make any predictions for Best Actor/Actress or Best Supporting Actor/Actress noms or winners yet but, since there was a tie for sound editing this year, perhaps both Natasha and Malia can both win for supporting actress.

John Lasseter will undoubtedly win a Best Digital Effects Oscar for creating a new technology for interfacing with drones as well as take up some important position in the DoD, which will now either stand for the Department of Defense or the Division of Disney.

I could go on, but until they begin sending out all potential bills before the House on Blu-ray, I don't quite trust the new voting system; and once they do, I don't know what will happen as I'm sure most Republicans still can't set the clocks on their VCRs… except maybe Paul Ryan. The Senate might do slightly better, but that could just be bipartisan profiling on my part…

I must say, Michelle Obama looked dazzling last night… Who was she wearing? And who were all those lamentably racially homogeneous youth in the ill-conceived Sergeant Pepper get-ups who were flanking her? Perhaps, like the over-eager film student helpers on stage at the actual Awards ceremony, they produced videos on their visions for the future structure and strategies for the lateral integration of the United States Government and the Hollywood Juggernaut, to be ensconced in the future Academy Museum, soon to be housed in the Capitol Building, while the House is to be moved to the Epcot Center in Florida - a bonus for the health of those in Congress who still can't set the clocks on their VCRs.

“Mwah! Mwah!” Everyone must now remember to ‘air kiss' each other on both cheeks!

Sister Massively Opinionated

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* Our Glorious Peoples' Direktor's designation - not my own; I would not assume to move beyond my duties as Kommissar of Housekeeping, yadda yadda yadda... And I did my best to not fall back on my usual stream of consciousness, dot dot dot, style of writing... as I'm going to have to be more professional from now on... and I don't want to let the boss down... if you know what I mean.

I knew Gutsy Call ™ was gonna win!


But - I was actually rooting for the horror flick.

Comrades,
Again I am confused!
Do both have "five o'clock shadow" or is a poor lighting job?

Comrade General, the lighting will improve once the Mahdi arrives!

Comrade R.O.C.K.,

I must once again ask that you get out of my brain (and I'm not referring to Comrade Betinov... as he belongs to the entire Kollective).

Respectfully,
Sis

Mwah! Mwah!

(and don't say a damn word about the chicken lips!)

This reminds me. When is Dear Leader going to renounce Formalism?

This reminds me of when "The English Patient" was running and my Devotchka and I were at the ticket window deciding which movie to see. The theater owner happened by and I asked if "The English Patient" was any good. He replied that it was "Out Of Africa" without the scenery. We decided against it.

Sister Massively Opiated wrote:Comrade R.O.C.K.,

I must once again ask that you get out of my brain (and I'm not referring to Comrade Betinov... as he belongs to the entire Kollective).

Respectfully,
Sis

Dear Comrade Sis -

I promise not to stay in here too long, and to only come in once in a great while - but it's SOOOOOOO comfy and warm in here, and I've become rather fond of the dolphin window dressings.

You really should come in and join me when you get a chance!

Reclining with both feet up,
R.O.C.K.

Princess Nookie wrote:This reminds me. When is Dear Leader going to renounce Formalism?

Princess Nookie - do tell us more about the Soviet government's caring participation in artistic process by helping creative people to break out of the shackles of bourgeois formalism and to embrace socialist realism.

Comrade Stalin, who was a known connoisseur of all things artistic - especially cinema, books, and music - always found time in his busy schedule to give personalized advice to writers, directors, and composers on how to improve their work.

Those who took his advice, improved their artistic skills dramatically, which was exemplified by prestigious government awards, honorariums, and promotions in the official artistic nomenclature.

Those who didn't listen, produced art of such low quality that the State was forced to protect the public by incarcerating these "artists" and sometimes terminating their miserable existence for the common good.

We may only be halfway there, but Hollywood comrades are doing their best to make this radiant future happen ahead of schedule.

Wikipedia wrote:Socialist realism is a style of realistic art which was developed in the Soviet Union and became a dominant style in other socialist countries. Socialist realism is a teleologically-oriented style having its purpose the furtherance of the goals of socialism and communism. Unlike social realism, socialist realism often glorifies the roles of the meek and working class and the struggle for its emancipation.

Perez Hilton wrote:...and where was Barry?

Red Square wrote: Princess Nookie - do tell us more about the Soviet government's caring participation in artistic process by helping creative people to break out of the shackles of bourgeois formalism and to embrace socialist realism. ....

We may only be halfway there, but Hollywood comrades are doing their best to make this radiant future happen ahead of schedule.

Glorious Comrade Stalin provided not only clear leadership but constructive criticism, in the form of sarcastic columns written in Pravda, boots to the head, and 10 years in the Gulag, to all artists in the Soviet Union. The problem was, many artists didn't understand what socialist realism was, because it often seemed to change. But of course it didn't; it was Stalin's superior intellect that always understood what art was supposed to be, and if someone strayed into formalism, even if they whined that they didn't mean to, it was always their fault.

At least that's the way my ex-secret-boyfriend, Valery Gergiev, explained it to me.

On the subject of Hollywood producing socialist art that glorifies the people and shows pretty people dancing around and singing, let's not forget this gem from real™ CPUSA member Lillian Hellman, "The North Star", taking place in pre-war time Ukraine:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7ZGN3PmnOPU

(this is the whole danged film. If you go to about minute number 13, you can see some of the pretty people dancing and singing. Which is quite something, given that lots of capitalist pigs worldwide were claiming there was a famine in the Ukraine at the time....bah!)

In fact, if it weren't for turncoats like Elia Kazan, and wet blankets like SAG president Ronald Reagan and his crony Gene Kelly, Next Tuesday would have come to Hollywood before 1960.

Oh my Stalin... for such glorious presentations of The Peoples History (minus a finally misfortunate Comrade or two of course)... ahem... I must...

Mwah! Mwah!

(and don't say a damn word about the chicken lips!)

Princess Nookie - surely you are mistaken. The peasants seem quite happy to me. I can see this with my own eyes, just as I can see the green shoots emerging through the icy frost of Bush's economic winter.

Just added a few graphic touches to the First Lady's appearance, better to express how she must have felt...

[img]/images/Michelle_Obama_Oscars_St_Peppers.jpg[/img]

Michelle Obama, whoop, whoop, whoop

Comrade Putout wrote:...and where was Barry?

OK, now you are making me jealous. Why do you get a photo with Barry?

SMO, I am so moved by your essay that I don't know what to say or do except make you the latest--and, perhaps, last recipient (see below) of Pinkie's prestigious Beet of the Week Award!


And a bumpersticker for your mother:

If those rotten Republicans in Congress don't stop the sequester, I'm afraid it'll be curtains for Beet of the Week, which employed millions to produce the bumperstickers, print and distribute nomination forms, promote awareness of the program, and conduct ongoing studies of its effect on the recipients, as well as its effect on those who have never received it. Granted, they'll be eligible for unemployment, but because this is being precipitated by the Republicans, BOTW employees and their families and friends may die of disease or starvation before they can get that first check.

My only consolation is that no sequester will stop Michelle from buying more sparkly designer gowns and bling and traveling the globe to glamorous locales. I can't begin to explain just how vital that is to the morale of the downtrodden. For why explain that which I would never question?

Comrades, I appreciate the updates.
Somehow I missed the weekly entertainment hour this week.

This is how it looks on the Washington Times website:

Excuse me while I throw up.

This is very upsetting. Nobody, not a single poster on this thread has taken the proper tone of worship toward Lady Macb- uh Obama! Jokes, sarcasm, disrespectful photoshops, you would think this was a parody site!

Please, settle down out there. The clamor from the Michelle's Arms Fan Club is deafening. I snapped another picture of her in full biceptual glory.

Moochelle has obviously been working out with weights - paperweights.

Pretending is fun, we learn that as children, but some never grow out of it.

Gaze equally unto the Fearless Leader's bride, Mother to us all! Marvel at her sculpted arms, all the better to hug us with.
If the Venus de Milo had arms, they would look like Her Royal Highness Fearless Mother's.

A Celebutard Presidency, and the worst Reality Show on Earff- we are royally scroogled.

R.O.C.K. in the USSA wrote:

Sister Massively Opiated wrote:Comrade R.O.C.K.,

I must once again ask that you get out of my brain (and I'm not referring to Comrade Betinov... as he belongs to the entire Kollective).

Respectfully,
Sis

Dear Comrade Sis -

I promise not to stay in here too long, and to only come in once in a great while - but it's SOOOOOOO comfy and warm in here, and I've become rather fond of the dolphin window dressings.

You really should come in and join me when you get a chance!

Reclining with both feet up,
R.O.C.K.

Yes... do relax... but please get those mucky boots off my Corpus Callosum... it's messing with the the commmunminminicicicication between the two hemihemihemispheres of my braiaiaiaiain and cauauauausing some embarrbarr... bear...assing sympysmysmtoms... symp...

OW! Bas...
WHAT HAVE YOU DONE!?

STOPOPOPOPOP THA...
SON OF OF OF A BIBIBIBI...
I... I... I... Teeheeheeheehee... AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH! PHSTHSSSST!

C:/WIN... Where the hell did that come from? I've been on Macs for 10 years now? Take your shoes off when you're in my brain.... Geeze...

Y'know, I need to sleep using one half of my brain at a time. If it all shut down I'd just sink. And those "dolphin window dressings" are my melon and blowhole, you big freaking starfish!.... Mmmm. Starfish.... Anyhow, stay out of my brain!

Commissarka Pinkie wrote:SMO, I am so moved by your essay that I don't know what to say or do except make you the latest--and, perhaps, last recipient (see below) of Pinkie's prestigious Beet of the Week Award!

Sister Comrade Pinkie,

If you could only see my crying underwater. I am moved beyond words, although as the matriarch of my pod, I get the bumper sticker too! Bonus!... As it could posssposspossposs.... R.O.C.K.!... ENOUGH ALREADY! I'll have Housekeeping short sheet your sleeping pallet and leave smelt in your socks if you so much as poke my brain again!

I'm sorry Comrade Sister Pinkie... as I was saying, as my BOTW might possibly be the last, I could not let it go to waste. I first considered feeding it to a cuttlefish and then eating the cuttlefish, but decided to have it bronzed and mounted instead. Aki is polishing it as I write this. My deepest appreciation.

Red Square wrote:Princess Nookie - do tell us more about the Soviet government's caring participation in artistic process by helping creative people to break out of the shackles of bourgeois formalism and to embrace socialist realism.

Glorious Roseate Trapezoid,

I can't speak to Princess Nookie's experiences with socialist realism in the Motherland, but I had a curious number of film school professors who were Czech filmmakers, and yet for some reason, were teaching in Kanadistan. There must have been some sort of State sanctioned institutional knowledge-sharing programme going on. It's the only way I can account for their presence in such large numbers.

Sister MaMaMaMassively Opiated (going to take my pain meds now, cuz not only are my joints and back hurting but for some reason I have a terrible headheadheadhead... Ow! R.O.C.K.!... headache... and my anti-seizure meds totototooo... Teeheeheeheehee... hee)...

Subversive_Skwerl wrote: Gaze equally unto the Fearless Leader's bride, Mother to us all! Marvel at her sculpted arms, all the better to hug us with.
If the Venus de Milo had arms, they would look like Her Royal Highness Fearless Mother's.

A Celebutard Presidency, and the worst Reality Show on Earff- we are royally scroogled.

Comrade Skwerl,

You misspelled "ERF". As in, "we must save the erf, for the Children..." Is it too much to aks that members do a little spell check?

BEFG (I'd include a pic of it, but it disturbs the Peoples' Direktor, for some reason),
Sis