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Jokes about Jimmy Kimmel, Part 2

10/6/2017, 12:26 am
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See Part 1 here.

  • Jimmy Kimmel asked his wife why she drew her eyebrows too high. She seemed surprised.
  • His whole life, Jimmy Kimmel's parents harassed him to stop acting like a flamingo. He had enough, and finally put his foot down.
  • Jimmy Kimmel once poured root beer in a square glass. To this day, he can't understand why he now just has a beer.

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  • A child asked Jimmy Kimmel: What's the difference between a hippo and a zippo? Kimmel answered: One is really heavy, and the other is a little lighter.
  • Kimmel and his wife were overheard having an argument. His wife insisted, “Nothing rhymes with orange!"Kimmel was heard saying, "No it doesn't!"
  • Arguing his expertise on religion, Kimmel said to a Priest: “So what if I don't know what Armageddon means? It's not the end of the world!”

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  • Kimmel and his wife blindfolded themselves and walked into a bar. And a table. And a chair.
  • Asked why he always carries around a step ladder, Kimmel answered, “I never knew my real ladder.”
  • The Jimmy Kimmel Show director shouted to Jimmy Kimmel: “I need you to get to the other side of the stage!" Puzzled, Kimmel relied, "I am on the other side!"
  • Before you criticize Jimmy Kimmel, walk a mile in his shoes. That way, when you do criticize him, you're a mile away and have his shoes.
  • How did Kimmel's wife get him to stop biting his nails? She made him wear shoes.
  • What did God say after creating Kimmel? I can do so much better.
  • What does it mean if Kimmel is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name? You didn't hold the pillow down long enough.
  • What do you call a man with half a brain? "Jimmy Kimmel."
  • Why does Kimmel whistle when he's sitting on the toilet? Because it helps him remember which end he needs to wipe.
  • What has 12 arms and an IQ of 60? Jimmy Kimmel and his staff of ten.
  • What's the difference between Big Foot and Kimmel's brain? Big Foot's been spotted several times.
  • Why does Jimmy Kimmel whine? Because he's practicing to be a man.

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Republican National Committee Chairwoman Ronna Romney McDaniel responds to Michelle Obama's racist remarks:

RNC chairwoman pushes back on Michelle Obama's 'all men, all white' comment
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10/6/2017, 5:08 am
Jimmy Kimmel spent his afternoon connecting the freckles on a pic of Obama, only to realize that Obama still looked like an asshole.
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10/6/2017, 11:02 am
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10/14/2017, 2:22 pm
He's not America's social conscience - he's just one of its social diseases.
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10/15/2017, 5:38 pm
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Did Weinstein force Jimmy Kimmel to have sex? Is that why Jimmy Kimmel is silent? Is that why he is prone to paroxysms of sobbing?

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