Dateline Cairo, Egypt -

Today in downtown Cairo world-famous Islamic Rage Boy's grandfather demanded that the new temporary government supply all Egyptians with larger telephone books immediately.

"We cannot read these tiny letters!" stated the senior Islamic Rage family patriarch to journalists following the change of Egyptian government locally, holding up a tiny current phone book and adding "We demand that the new government give us BIG phone books, Allah willing!!"

A crowd of several hundred other Egyptians, mostly elderly and many wearing glasses, seemed to agree with him in his demand.

One ancient woman, who was being led by the hand by two young children, told reporters that it's hard enough being an elderly Egyptian without having to strain one's eyes to find the phone number for the next jihadi gathering.

"How can my great grandchildren become martyrs, Allah willing, if I cannot tell them where to go for training and to pick up their vests?" she asked one camera person who was filming the protest.

Back to you in the studio, Hugh.

Egypt deserves Obamacare

Oh STFU!

How are they to Talk Like an Egyptian if they can't see the phone numbers to call?

Never fear, Secretary John Kerry (the ever vigilant) was on duty on his yacht monitoring the situation.

It's important to remember that Comrade Kerry was - according to his spokesunit - only on the yacht briefly (basically when he wasn't on the kayak or on the wind surfing board).

If only John were on duty instead of Christopher Stevens.....

Not-So-Swift Boating

Comrades, it should be noted that Comrade John "Tuhrayza" Kerry is appropriately following in his predecessor's footsteps.

After all - as far as Egypt is concerned, Dear Leader has told Egypt that they damn well better let the Misloom Brotherhood participate in the new Egyptian government, and what difference, at this point, does it make?