We deserve the right to have Barack Obama serve us as lifetime supreme dictator and the Party is feverishly investigating methods to circumvent this monstrosity. A group is researching the Commerce Clause angle - since Barack Obama souvenir merchandise is sold in every state, Congress may have the right to make him the Bobblehead and Commemorative Plate Czar - but right now our best hope appears to be if Chief Justice John Roberts simply declares him to be a tax.
But unlike unimportant stuff like Benghazi and the economy, we really need to have a plan B. In this case, "B" does not stand for "Biden" who can barely stand without help himself these days. As a 1950s-era television set, I, Comrade Opiate, am one of the major sources of wisdom in this society and I do believe I have such a plan.
Gosh, it even rhymes!
Idi Amin has all the qualifications a modern progressive could want in a supreme leader. He's black, he is exotic, he's cool, he has roots in a dirt-poor third world country (which somehow eases our feelings of first world guilt), he wears uniforms (love that Mao and Che vibe), he graduated from a school, he had little actual executive experience before becoming supreme leader (very important quality)... did I mention he's black? He would be very popular with our base because as president of Uganda, he ate the rich... literally! Well, the people he ate may not have been rich by Amerikkkan standards but in Uganda they probably were, so all things being relative...
Now, I hear some of you murmurring, "But Comrade Opiate, Idi Amin is dead!" Well, that may be true, but... RACISTS! Yes, the only possible reason you can be opposed to having a fine, upstanding (if we stand him up, he'll be upstanding) light-bringing sort-of-god like Idi Amin Dada control your life is because you have a problem with black people. (FYI - Black Rethuglicans are not black people so don't even bring that up.) This line of reasoning has been explained to you so many times by people on television and in the media that it is now an established cultural meme. The science is settled. Cher, Rosanne and a number of other high-power intellects agree on this. No matter how stupid, incompetent, corrupt (or dead) a black leader is, any criticism of him or her is based solely on race. Do you need further proof of this? OK, here it is: SHUT UP!
Now that we are all agreed that Idi Amin is the right fellow to lead this country in 2016 and beyond (well, we will be agreed after all who do not agree have been purged as per Party S.O.P.) we can all get started on doing the hard work, the work that wins elections like
Some of you may be wondering if we can make Idi Amin president for life if he's already dead. Don't tell anyone, but we have that one worked out also....
"I will accept if summoned by the spirits and will serve Man if elected."
I don't see a problem here.
Opiate of the PeopleHe would be very popular with our base because as president of Uganda, he ate the rich... literally! Well, the people he ate may not have been rich by Amerikkkan standards but in Uganda they probably were, so all things being relative...
Crème brûlée is also pretty rich. Did he eat some of that too?