You would not believe the fun I had the other night at the White House with Dear Leader, and The Junkyard Dog Comrade Michelle thought it was funny, too. I teabagged him over and over again, and at one point, he was laughing so hard, he said: "Molenka (that's what he calls me), don't stop!" He screamed with joy! "I can't stand it." Do it to me, more, more more, Molenka. Give me another teabag!"

He has already invited me back to the White House for another night of fun and teabagging. Just think, comrades, before long, I'll catch up and surpass that Castro lover Michael Moore, who's been there at least 8 times that I know of. And that Castro lover Bill Ayers. He's going to eat his heart out when he finds out, I got to teabag the president!

I can't tell you, comrades what a thrill it was!

*This original idea was not my own. I confiscated it from another comrade.

How about a White House Christmas tree decorated with hundreds of tea bags?

If they do Mao ornaments, why not tea bags?

Funny you asked. Dear Leader must have enjoyed the other night so much, he had a White House tree entirely decorated in tea bags. Wow!! This teabagging thing is really catching on!

So let's see, teabaggers teabag... hmmmmm....

I DENOUNCE COMRADE LENINKA!!!

Leninka, was that tea fair-trade tea? So long as it was fair-trade tea then it's okay. BTW, that doesn't apply to anything from America Samoa, of course, because Nanski has a lot of stock in Starkist, which does most of its tuna canning in American Samoa. So that's out.

So long as no progressive's stock portfolio was hurt by using market-value labor, then that's okay.

I DENOUNCE COMRADE RED ROOSTER!

You're just jealous that you didn't get to teabag Dear Leader. And to think that I was going to invite you to come along the next time I went to the White House to help me teabag Dear Leader. I know you would have had as much fun as I did. Who knows? You might have gotten a chance to meet the White House chicken, and learn about Top Secret Documents like this one:

Commissar Theocritus wrote:Leninka, was that tea fair-trade tea? So long as it was fair-trade tea then it's okay. BTW, that doesn't apply to anything from America Samoa, of course, because Nanski has a lot of stock in Starkist, which does most of its tuna canning in American Samoa. So that's out.

So long as no progressive's stock portfolio was hurt by using market-value labor, then that's okay.

Oh, no Comrade Theocritus. It was most certainly fair-trade tea, and even better. It was grown on plantations fertilized by the bodies of rebellious pesky dissidents in Cambodia who refused to see how glorious our system really is. If only Dear Leader had the power of Pol Pot, just think how much further along we would be!

Oh, FAIR TRADE TEA, now that's a horse of a red kaleidoscope color. No wonder Dear Leader was pleased, his stock portfolio was getting wetted, er is that wedded.... or maybe I mean vetted.

At any rate....

I DENOUNCE COMRADE LENINKA BACK AGAIN!

I cannot interpret your top secret flow chart without my Party decoder ring, which is stuck right now up Kevin Jennings Ass.

I thought that Nanski had the patent on sticking a hand up someone's ass--you know, that graphic graphic of Obowma giving a speech, with Nanski's arm up his ass to the elbow.

If Nanski ever, god forfend, gets Parkinson's, what will the TelePrompTer do?

I don't know what your talking about! There is no such picture us fisters have released to the masses!

Oh damn I dropped something, just a second....


So as I was saying, NO SUCH PICTURE EXISTS!

Here's the worst teabagging of the Dear Leader I've ever seen. 1,462,574 views on YouTube! I didn't know we even had this many perverts in this country. This man is a typical White Right-Wing Extremist. Either that or the cognitive dissonance is going to burn the fuse in my prog circuit.

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Lt. Col. Allen West, he is so racist.

Sadly, I had to load Obama's image on my computer monitor and tea bag that.

I'm so lonely.

Golly, I didn't know Adolf Hitler was still alive! What is this man talking about? Charge? I will have to have another stimulus payment in order to charge, my ObamaCards are all maxxed out! What is this "freedom" bilge? Does he mean "free" government health care? Somebody change the channel quick....

My circuits are overloading..... BZZZZZT! Oh no, my picture tube has burnt out! Does anyone have any spare vacuum tubes? Things are starting to go white..... Daisy, daisy, give me your answer true.... Gaaack!

I'm getting all confused ...

So Comrade Rooster denounces Comrade Leninka,
Then Comrade Leninka denounces Comrade Rooster,
Then Comrad Rooster denounces Comrade Leninka ...

I think I need a graphic for this, all these words are getting complicated.

Raznochinets Pewkov wrote:I think I need a graphic for this, all these words are getting complicated.

Comrades,

I propose a Commissar of PowerPoints for just such cases. Having done the work of thinkin gup this office for managing such crises, I am confident others will be compelled to fill it. While the title itself promotes a revolting private firm, one must admit that the phrase "PowerPoints" does suit the Party.

Comrades,

Thank you for the reminder. It's time to DENOUNCE COMRADE RED ROOSTER AGAIN. COMRADE RED ROOSTER, I DENOUNCE YOU AGAIN!

Sorry, I was late, I attended a Fistivus party, where the fists completely got out of control. It was completely in the dark, of course, to shun the wasteful lights that those evil Rethuglican Christians display every year. The Goracle would have been quite pleased.

I DENOUNCE LENINKA ON KAPITALIST KRISTMAS EVE!

REPENT COMRADE LENINKA FOR YOUR CELEBRATION! CHILDREN ARE EATING SHOE LEATHER IN VENEZUELA!

WHAT! You are denouncing me, again!

Notice how you have not reported your actions for the last 24 hours. What are you hiding. The louder the denouncement, the bigger the secret being hidden!

As for the Venezuelan children, they'll be able to shop at Cha-Mart any time they wish and buy Kapitalist goods there.

Oh. My. God. RR and Leninka, you seem to be having so much fun denouncing each other I suggest that you get a room. At Motel Sixki. It's conveniently located next door to Jiffi-Lobo and an IHOP.

If you want to save money, go to Jiffi-Lobo first and then you'll forget that you're hungry. But then that's the point of Jiffi-Lobo, isn't it? That's where you forget to think.

I love Jiffi-Lobo. It takes care of those times when those niggling and pestilential thoughts start creeping in and I think that His O'liness is in over his head and that Nanski is an evil, America-hating bitch...


Tonight supper with friends and one of them, who voted for Obowma said that she thought that he really was in over his head. What could be worse? A man in love with himself to the point that he's blinded by his own incompetence.

I DENOUNCE THEOCRITUS!

I don't get it. We tried that, putting tea bags on each other, but it's just one big soggy mess. Yech! Turn off. Obama's a real sicko.

Leninka! When did you get a new face? Looks good. Did you and Michelle go out for drinks and facelifts after your special night at the White House? If I'm not being too nosy...which room did you and the President use when you were teabagging with so much zest? Obviously, the kitchen is my favorite place for such sports, but I was trying to picture a room where Michelle would like to spend time AND where top secret documents might be laying around. Inquiring minds want to know...

Today, I was reminiscing about a day when I was walking along the beach and met a lady from Canada. I asked her how she liked her healthcare situation. She said she loved it and that it was way better than the United States' situation. I asked her why and she said, "Duh, because it's free!" And I said, "Well...what are your tax rates?" And she was like, "What tax rates? Oh! Tax rates...uh, I don't know....probably about the same as yours." And then she remembered that she thought the sales tax was about fifteen percent. So I asked if the waiting time was long to see a doctor. And she said, no it was fine, but if there was ever an emergency they could always just dash over the border and use the United States' services...it'd just cost a little more because it would be out-of-pocket...

She also mentioned that people along the eastern coast are having a hard time finding work and living largely off of unemployment and being bored and depressed and doing drugs...but I didn't believe her. Any country with rockin' healthcare like hers obviously has a handle on providing career opportunties as well.

RR, why denounce me? Am I not the proggiest prog that there ever was? Nothing is ever my fault and I howl with rage whenever the world doesn't suit me. That's progeriffic.

CCCP, I've been to Kanuckistan (pace dear Sister Massively Opiated) once--Vancouver. AFter the traffic lights turned green they would flash green, meaning "proceed with caution." This is the nanny state writ large. I know that if the light is green there is still the possibility that some shytehead in a Ford Expedition or Chevy Suburban will be talking on a cell phone and try to kill me.

Your Canadian acquaintance reminds me of some people here in the People's Republic of Texas, who buy cars and appliances not by the cost but by how much per month.

Isn't that reasonable? After all, knowing what something costs requires planning and foresight, whereas living hand-to-mouth, as in all good socialist states, is a good deal easier.

And who would ever, in the days of Our Great O'Leader, bother to save enough money to pay cash for anything? Because money in the bank is a liability when you know that the only way to pay government debts is hyperinflation.

So let's hear it for hand-to-mouth living!

Is that something like the Foot-and-Mouth disease of cloven-hoofed animals--highly contagious and often fatal?

Comrade Casserole Czar,

Thank you. My new face is actually an old face. It is the face of a dead kulak, transplanted by Dr. Red Rooster in the dead of the night.

That Canadian woman obviously gets her Jiffi-Lobos on a regular basis. Of course, health care in Canada is free. They are free to wait in line or free to cross over to the USSA, or free to go to an illegal pay clinic, if need be.

Leninka, I just realized how much I love your definition of free. I'm free to rob a bank--like the Democrats. Or free to kill people--like the Democrats hamstringing the military. In fact I have all sorts of freedom, don't I?

Yes, of course, you do. You are free to accept OPM, and claim it as your own, you are free to mandate how others should live, what kind of car they should drive, and of course, your favorite, and that is that you are free to blame others for the consequences of all of your actions.

You're so right, Leninka. I'm free to be free from consequences because I'm a Mad Prog. Let the Repubs believe in freedom of action. I want freedom from consequences. That's progeriffic.

Casserole Czar wrote:If I'm not being too nosy...which room did you and the President use when you were teabagging with so much zest? Obviously, the kitchen is my favorite place for such sports, but I was trying to picture a room where Michelle would like to spend time AND where top secret documents might be laying around. Inquiring minds want to know...

Sorry about the delay in answering your question about in which room the teabagging occurred. I bet you were thinking about that little room adjacent to the oval office made famous by Lewinsky. No, it wasn't there. Actually, it's a brand new room. You see, Dear Leader is having a lunch counter restaurant built, not far from the main formal dining room. There were still boxes in there loaded with secret documents. I have no idea why. He is already having a sign painted to put outside the door when construction is finished. The sign will say: "No Evil White Capitalist Allowed at This Counter."

Go for the jugular, Leninka. I'm right behind you.

Comrade Theocritus,

That was a show stopper. The only thing I can think of to say is: Will you be bringing your sharpest impaling stick?

It's so hard to say which is my sharpest impaling stake. I keep them all in tip-top shape. You never know when you will have an emergency call to impale someone.

I've even gotten Bruno to help in the impaling. For example when Mark Morford was here, I said, "Bruno, he said that Streisand can't sing for sour apples," and Bruno grabbed the stake himself.

Morford then started babbling about "Lightworkers" and other such things and was so idiotic that even Bruno lost patience with him.

Comrade Pewkov, we here at People's Cube have only one rule for ourselves- DENOUNCE FIRST, ASK QUESTIONS LATER (preferably after the denounced one is dead). You never know when a dear Comrade may slip into a Kapitalist temptation; and a healthy dose of fear is just the trick to keep each other pure.

And the occasional shovel to the back of the head.

Commissar Theocritus wrote: I've even gotten Bruno to help in the impaling. For example when Mark Morford was here, I said, "Bruno, he said that Streisand can't sing for sour apples," and Bruno grabbed the stake himself.

I'll bet Bruno decided to forgo the AstroGlide on Comrade Morford.

Leninka wrote:
I teabagged him over and over again, and at one point, he was laughing so hard, he said: "Molenka (that's what he calls me), don't stop!" He screamed with joy! "I can't stand it." Do it to me, more, more more, Molenka. Give me another teabag!"

Molenka, call me.

Zampolit, he did, but Comrade Morford really got into it. When I heard him shouting the chant, "Beat me! Whip me! Make me write bad checks!" with <i>Bruno</i> of all people having his way, I ran screaming, chasing my sanity, out into the desert night.

When I came back it looked like there were two bear-skin rugs with the bears' heads still attached. I immediately went to the first one and whispered, "2+2=4" and it didn't flinch.

I whispered the same thing to the other one, which screamed, "Stop your sexist/ableist rantings@ I do not have to listen to logic!" So I took it and nailed it to the side of the barn, where it is today. You'll note a strange silence from Comrade Morford.

Comrade 9,

If you call me, I will teabag you exactly 9 times. That is your favorite number, after all.

Comrade Theocritus,

With the global freezing going on in Texas, even that rug in the barn might come in handy.