It turns out Saudi Arabia isn't that fun, there's a lot of things you can't do there and It's too hot to do anything even if there were anything to do.

Rigging elections is too hard since I can't figure out which OS their paper ballots run on; they already seem to be doing a fine job of neutralizing seditious individuals thus undercutting my operations, and worst of all, they don't allow the consumption of any alcoholic beverages, forcing me to drown out the incessant beatings next door through other means.

They also seem to be severely lacking in the basic amenities that I'd expect anywhere, such as Trans and non-gender conforming bathroom policies and LGBT inclusion zones.

I will soon be returning to once again teach the Future Workers of the New People's Revolutionary Front for Justice and Unanimity in the March against all that is Unequal and Divisive in the Advancement of Feelgood Adjectives Union (acronym pending) in order to educate them on the skills they'll need (yes, it involves condoms).

Lastly, I will leave you with this hilarious list of locally told jokes that I compiled while on my short-term detail here. A funny thing almost happened where I nearly mixed up the list with deeply secretive private orders that would land me in deep trouble if it ever got out, but would've been very boring for anyone to read since it doesn't contain anything particularly embarrassing.

Comrade,

It is with great admiration and disappointment that we report to you that your long-term mission objectives regarding directive 00-6bSP, [ENSURE THE SOVIET INFILTRATION OF U.S. EXECUTIVE BRANCH] has been duly fulfilled. However, because of The Party's Dynamic Narrative Command (DNC) structure, this objective has now become your primary counter-objective, and thus you have failed your new parameters before you even started, as usual.

Due to the unique circumstances of this situation, we have decided to award you with the People's Medal of Temporary Non-Denouncement instead of the usual denouncement, along with a free* addition of “accented highlights” to all of your current, previous, and future records, except the ones we keep for blackmail.

As a last note, your request for 17 bottles of Olga's Original Extra Methanol™ Beet Vodka and three crates of Flamin' Revolutionary Crispy Twists: Redistribution of Flavor Edition™ for “operational upkeep” purposes has been denied. The People's Storehouses have been suffering sudden drops in stock ever since a small furry animal about the size of a squirrel found out the access codes to the door (we forgot how to change the codes so we're stuck with it until further notice).

Because your location has now been redacted accented with additional highlights, we will be unable to ship your medal to you, though processing and handling fees still apply.

Kami Yunist,
Department Head,
Department of Departmentalization