European Socialist Whores Are No Comrades of Mine!

Dems claim their attacks on Haley, Palin, Ann Romney are not "War on Conservative Women," but rather "Domestic Feminist Contingency Operation"

Biden launches his 2012 campaign to get thrown off ticket by blaming Tea Party for bad economy

Obama to Cory Booker: a mind is a terrible thing to use

Summer dead; Gore blames climate change

In attempt to recover $2 billion loss, JP Morgan Chase renames itself Chasebook

Poll: Progressive slogan 'We should be more like Europe' most popular with members of American Nazi Party

As election campaign heats up, Obama promises students to forgive their sins

Study: 99% of Liberals give the rest a bad name

Democrat geneologists: every time you drop litter on highway, Elizabeth Warren sheds a single tear

Democrat strategist: without government supervision, women would have never evolved into humans

Michelle: My stick is bigger than Barack's

Breaking news: one year later, Bin Laden still dead

Obama in Afghanistan: American chicken is going home to roost

Elizabeth Warren claims kinship to Sitting Bull; receives Indian name of Lying Cow

Obama: Killing one terrorist is a triumph, killing millions of jobs is a statistic

May Day: Anarchists plan, schedule, synchronize, and execute a coordinated campaign against all of the above

Study: North Korean Army threats as credible as White House news briefings

Obama to Congress: my government, my business

WH news briefing cut short after Jay Carney's pants spontaneously self-combust

Catholic Bishops order supersize confession booth for James Carney

Romney campaign requests Obama's fourth-grade book report on World of Dogs; Obama says, 'I ate it'

Insulted by Romney's accusation of them doing Obama's bidding, enraged media demand immediate instructions from White House on how to respond

Hillary in Colombian bar: Read my hips!

Planned Parenthood introduces Frequent Flucker reward card: 'Come again soon!'

Obama: If I had a mother, she'd look like Trayvon Martin's

Study: Ozzie Guillen's beatdown by U.S. media not as bad as beatdown in Cuban prison for speaking out

Olbermann: "They fired me for wearing a hoodie!"

Cheney gets new heart; nation also hopeful that Biden gets brain, Obama courage, and House drops on Pelosi

Trayvor Martin shooting causes fear of backlash among Latinos with old-Jewish-guy names

In effort to escape vigilante justice, George Zimmerman changes name to George Dylan

Larry Sinclair: : If I had a son, he'd look like Barack Obama

Secretary of Energy Steven Chu: due to energy conservation, the light at the end of the tunnel will be switched off

To raise awareness about how unattractive respiratory disorders can be, Obama's FDA bans over-the-counter sales of asthma inhalers

Turning disaster into success, Disney renames failing "John Carter" movie to "John Reagan"

Voters Without Borders oppose Texas new voter ID law

Hamas: Israeli air defense unfair to 99% of our missiles, "only 1% allowed to reach Israel"

UN: Iron Dome system in Israel too successful, may cause humanitarian crisis as desperate Gaza officials are forced to divert funds from education and healthcare in order to compensate for destroyed missiles

People's Cube gives itself Hero of Socialist Labor medal in recognition of continued expert advice provided to the Obama Administration helping to shape its foreign and domestic policies

Whitney Houston and Elvis seen at Obama fundraiser

Obama congratulates Putin on Chicago-style election outcome

Battle of the Fluke: Dept. of Health and Human Services jumps into the fray by changing emblem from "Eagle of Soaring Prices" to "Woodpecker of Reproductive Justice"

Dept. of Energy certifies Georgetown Law School sex drive as clean energy source, adds to number of green jobs created

Limbaugh controversy prompts Atlantic City casinos to preemptively shut down wildly popular Sandra Fluke slot machines

Democrats push for a death tax on aborted fetuses, to be paid for by insurance companies

Third-grader forced to apologize to Sandra Fluke for telling classmate, "Yo mama went to Georgetown Law School"

Obama to tornado victims: 'We inherited this weather from the previous administration'

Putin's post-election tears sold for five million dollars on eBay, rumored to have magical and political powers; buyer identified by initials B.O.

Rush Limbaugh apologizes for criticizing Sandra Fluke's reproductive hobbies, sends her complimentary condoms and a video camera

Obama: I don't want anyone punished with a birth certificate

Fluke to Congress: drill, baby, drill!

Supportive Americans send Sandra Fluke thousands of contraceptives in hopes she'll never reproduce

Georgetown Law School students set to receive scholarships from Crate'O'Condoms manufacturer Johnson & Johnson

Obama regrets the US government didn't provide his mother with free contraceptives when she was in college

Rescue team recovers Obama's birth certificate ten miles away from tornado path

Supporting Obama's Pond Scum Initiative, US Rep. Waters changes her name to Maxine "Stagnant" Waters

US commander in Afghanistan attempts to quell rioters by burning the American equivalent of the Koran - a year's subscription of 'Goosebumps'

Colorado school board: Islamic harassment of choir student not in violation of DOE guidelines on death threats

Obama refutes charges of being unresponsive to people's suffering: "When you pray to God, do you always hear a response?"

Maya Angelou: "Whitney's dead, Santorum did it, Romney gave the gun, and Gingrich hid it"

Larry Flint: Santorum aspirin position in poor taste and beyond the pale

Israel invades Iranian air space to drop thousands of Fallout Shelter Manuals in Farsi

Al Gore proposes to combat Global Warming by extracting silver linings from clouds in Earth's atmosphere

Conservative think tank introduces children to capitalism with pop-up picture book "The Road to Smurfdom"

Obama decrees the economy is not soaring as much as previously decreeed

Nation grateful to Madonna for promise to keep clothes on at Super Bowl

Trump endorses self, calls self to congratulate

Pelosi backs merger of Girl Scouts with Planned Parenthood: 'Who's NOT planning to be a parent at 12 these days?'

Groundhog Day news: Punxsutawney Phil doesn't see Obama's shadow

Obama's critics respond to Newsweek cover by publishing 'Defeating Obama for Dummies'

ACLU flooded with questions from donors: 'how and who to pray to in order to have Tim Tebow smitten?'

North Pole shuts down as elves unionize, demand warmer work environment

Comet and Blitzen refuse to serve with openly gay Dasher and Prancer

Rudolph publishes auto-biography, says shiny nose still cause for discrimination

Santa's sleigh grounded: PETA files animal cruelty suit against jolly old St. Nick

Al Gore's children receive carbon credits for Winter Solstice Holiday

Adults to Occupiers: there is no socialist Santa Claus; OWS protesters vow to continue demanding free chocolate cookies and milk

EPA to collect carbon tax on coal left in naughty childrens' stockings this Christmas

Carney: new tax on Christians to help improve Christ's image via NEA grants

Obama: this isn't Christmas tax, it's Jizya

Mainstream media exposes Cain's radical ties to Koch-funded abolitionist movement

Dems compromise with Cain, only 10 lashes if he returns to plantation now

White House to impose Chimney tax on Santa Claus

NY Daily News poll asking New Yorkers about Wall Street protesters uncovers glitch in People's Math: 79% want to see 99% kicked out

Democrats to Wall Street Occupiers: We're with you, but please don't harass our biggest donors!

Iran 'will pay a price' for assassination plot: Obama will not bow to Ahmadinejad for minimum of 90 days

Gov't blocks AT&T/T-MOBILE merger, cites "insufficient 2012 campaign donations"

Paul Krugman predicts stimulus package named "Irene" will improve economy this weekend

Republicans block Obama's $420 billion program to give American families free charms that ward off economic bad luck

Opposition wrongfully labels as "vacation" President's plan to join toiling workers in cranberry bogs of Martha's Vineyard

Carney calls Obama vacation 'stimulative,' estimates it will create 4 million jobs

Unemployment promises not to rise until after Obama's vacation

Gorbachev to Obama: 'I too should have abandoned the Communist party earlier'

Obama tours states in long black bus; Biden to follow in short bus

Gaddafi petitions UN to support London rebels, demands resignation of British Prime Minister

Six Flags opens new roller coaster called The Dow Jones

Obama blames Thomas Jefferson for current economic woes; Biden says it's King George's fault

Responding to Oslo shootings, Obama declares Christianity "Religion of Peace," praises "moderate Christians," promises to send one into space

President to interrupt his schedule, go on apology tour to Bible Belt, bow before local Church leaders

Media: Why do Christians hate us?

U.S. Board of Education institutes "Christian for a Day" program in public schools, considers celebrating Christmas

Ridley Scott to remake Kingdom of Heaven, this time portraying Crusaders as a peaceful, moderate group

Taking a page from the Reagan years, Obama announces new era of Perestroika and Glasnost

Progressive dream comes true: Nordic-looking Christian male commits act of terror

Racist NY Times quick to blame Muslims for Norway attack

Experts: new media standard dawns as headlines rush to describe race, color, and religion of Norwegian shooter

Study: Bicyclists have replaced Prius owners as smuggest commuters on Los Angeles freeways

Obama's Regulation Reduction committee finds US Constitution to be expensive outdated framework inefficiently regulating federal gov't

Summer fun looks up! June jobs numbers up from 18,000 new jobs to loss of 26,000 jobs

DNC eyes Romney as possible nominee for 2012

Nancy Grace on Casey Anthony verdict: "Somewhere out there, the devil is dancing tonight." Devil to Nancy: "I haven't danced since Roe v Wade"

Obama's teleprompter unhappy with White House Twitter: "Too few words"

White House admits to falling behind schedule in finding new populist, vapid 2012 reelection slogan

State Department: We're not bombing in Libya; we're only dropping unsolicited instant demolition devices

Obama to Congress: "Unlike me, you're always on vacation. That's what you are but what am I?"

Obama: "We can't cut our way to prosperity, but we sure can spend our way to oblivion

NY approves gay marriage; any moment now straight people expected to take to streets in hissy fit protest, demanding courts to overturn

White House cuts government waste by consolidating all Federal websites into one easy-to-use 'Obama-For-America-2012' website

Obama: 'The American private sector must lead the recovery! That's an order - I just signed it'

Huntsman Who: 'I-m like Reagan - a very, very efficient policy-wonk collectivist technocrat'

Pelosi reverses stance, vows to go hard on Weiner

Study: 60% of New York voters believe that Rep. Weiner had penis planted on him by Republican operatives

Tired of jokes about his name, Rep. Weiner (D) changes it to Whinner

Activists against voter ID discovered to be teens in elaborate scheme to avoid being carded at area nightclub

Harry Reid: 'We believe in a living breathing budget that evolves as society changes - today, tomorrow, the next minute, the next election'

Obama Administration demands secrecy in implementing 'transparent government' policy

Foreign policy mixup leads to Obama's order that helps US

Global happiness index compiled by Peoples Cube researchers shows ThePeoplesCube.com is best and happiest website, has healthiest babies, most bountiful beet harvests, enjoys wisest leader

Babies 'R' Us launches in-crib air traffic controller monitor to put little ones off to sleep

Obama calls new taxes 'spending reductions in tax code.' Elsewhere rapists tout 'consent reductions in sexual intercourse'

Ken Burns' DVD "The Domestic Contingency Operation" #1 on Amazon

As French troops close in on Côte d'Ivoire's President, Code Pink condemns France's 'War for Chocolate'

Seattle school renames Easter eggs 'Spring Spheres'; also renames Passover 'Please don't kill the first born in this house,' and Ramadam to 'Eat after dark, put on 20lbs'

Government shutdown averted, which means the hard-working unionized masses at the IRS will continue, without interruption, to write letters kindly asking citizens to "pay their fair share"

Media Matters reporting: Fox News to execute Glenn Beck next Tuesday

Conde Nast gave $8m to scammer who sent one email; elsewhere, electorate gave four years to scammer who had one slogan

Obama 2012: It's a Kinetic Voter Action, not a reelection campaign

As Japanese workers stuff newspapers into nuclear reactor to stop toxic leakage, questions arise if stuffing nuclear reactor into New York Times might bring similar beneficial results

Jihadists Without Borders rush to aid Libyian rebels

Obama skips trip to Mayan ruins, returns home to visit ruins of America instead

Apple unveils iPad 2.0; Obama unveils Bush 2.0

Biden: US troops in Libya could help save or create thousands of civilian lives

Maintaining two wars while starting a third proves easy for Nobel Peace Prize winner Obama

Mainstream media learns to stop worrying and love the war

NYT: Sometimes war can be the answer

NPR: War with Libya to reduce unemployment and carbon footprint

MSNBC: Counting civilian deaths in Libya too complicated

Obama suggests No-Fly Zone in Libya be modeled on his No-Decision Zone at White House

Nuke workers in Japan take advice from progressives, jam huge piece of regulation into reactor to cool it

Obama to Japanese people: 'Play golf and basketball; problems will go away'

Obama buys fiddle, heads to Rome

Obama's teleprompters unionize, demand collective bargaining rights

Hawaii: Tsunami washes away Obama's birth certficate, forcing Gov. Abercrombie to give up on investigation

Michael Moore: As long as there is anyone with money to shake down, this country is not broke

Libya became the first country to formally recognize rebels' SSauthority in the state of Wisconsin

Meanwhile, Libyan rebels are fleeing after sustained attacks by government employees loyal to Colonel Gaddafi

Rumors of 'rape for food' treatment spread in UN refugee camps for Democrat senators fleeing Wisconsin

Mainstream media to keep up current protest coverage policy in Wisconsin: "See no Union, hear no Union"

Lake Superior renamed Lake Inferior in spirit of tolerance and inclusiveness

Israelis to Egyptian rioters: "don't damage the pyramids, we will not rebuild"

Obama prayer breakfast features environmentally conscious and progressive god, as opposed to evil oppressor god of Bush years

Joe Biden: Egypt protests just a big pyramid scheme

Churchill: We will fight them on the beaches; Reagan: Tear down this wall; Obama: Follow me on twitter

Facebook sponsorship of Arab revolutions questioned by some

Vice President Biden: criticizing Egypt is un-pharaoh

Historical revisionists: "Hey, you never know"

Obama proposes national 'Win The Future' lottery; proceeds of new WTF Powerball to finance more gov't spending

Communist leader and Hu Jintau give joint White House press conference

Abortion horror in Philly: pro-choice activists need to tone down rhetoric

NARAL releases photo of Palin graphic with cross hairs over fetus

China's president calls international currency 'product of the past', wishes to use shiny clam shells

Detroit public schools focus on Green education as students harvest materials from abandoned school buildings to finance Teachers Union benefits

Obama eases Cuba travel: 30 refugees per raft instead of previous 20

Al Sharpton voices concern in the aftermath of New York City blizzard: disproportionate amount of city snowmen are white

New federal entitlement unveiled: all memorials to have Yaqui pray reader

New Democrat plan to enhance civility requires all GOP members to attend professionally managed Republicans Anonymous sessions

MSNBC: Congresswoman being shot in right side of head a proof that violence comes from the right

DHS 'see something, say something' program scrapped due to overload of whistle-blowing tips about DHS and the Obama administration

"No Labels" movement hits supermarkets with disastrous results

Comet and Blitzen refuse to serve with openly gay Dasher and Prancer

ACLU: Christmas tree lighting ceremonies create more terrorists

Obama leaving press conference marks beginning of gradual withdrawal from White House by 2012

Al Qaeda establishes 'Off with their heads' scholarship fund for British students

Jeremiah Wright goes to Stockholm with a sermon 'Sweden's chickens are coming home to roost'

Obama warns Sweden not to jump to conclusions: 'not all suicide bombers are terrorists'

Muslim woman guilty of drunk driving won't remove scarf for jail photo

New York Times sues Wikileaks for unauthorized release of its business model: "We're the ones stealing military secrets!"

Democrat voters frustrated over Wikileaks failure to implicate Bush in stealing Iraqi oil

White House considers launching a Wikidiaper website

Gibbs: basketball game in which Obama split his lip was started by Bush

Obama names his 12 lip stitches "Mark, Luke, John, Matthew, Paul, Peter..."

Newest TSA slogan "Smell my finger" turns out to be an inside joke

North Korea attacks; American peace groups quickly react by not organizing antiwar marches, not burning DPRK flags, not painting Hitler mustache on effigies of Kim Jung Il, and not chanting "peace now"

Hollywood refuses to brand Kim Jung Il war monger and lying liar, sends Oliver Stone on fact-finding mission

Study: a Google search for body count website listing civilian deaths in Korea brought no results

Study: no Social Security reform will be needed if gov't raises retirement age to at least 814 years

Irish economy in a shambles but who cares; St Patrick’s day is only 4 months away

Obama to cut Medicare as soon as debt panel finds a way to blame it on Republicans

Aging Democratic Party Politburo refuses to give way to younger apparatchiks

Soros escape pod seen over Los Angeles; clueless Pentagon denies 'action by U.S. adversary,' searches ocean bed for hatches and trap doors

Just in: fall of USSR result of not speaking to people effectively, teleprompters not having been invented yet

Obama to America: "Mumbai is awesome! Wish you were here. Wire money"

Obama's final appeal to voters: Have the courage and integrity to rubber stamp my rubber stamps!

Obama distances from himself in Charlottesville to woo Virginia voters

Juan Williams hired by Fox News to represent liberals; show titled You've seen Juan, you've seen 'em all

Google expands maps and street views to include Google Colonoscopy: zero in on target and get detailed view with few clicks of mouse. New program supported by several gov't agencies, most notably IRS

New polling indicates American voters no longer want change, they just want their money back

Democrats launch "Take Our Jobs" campaign as only seven Americans agreed to vote for them

Obama ends war, blames Iraq car explosions on faulty non-union manufactured spare parts

Democrats pull troops out of Iraq to fight the 'real war' on Christine O' Donnell

In effort to appeal to NOW feminists, Christine O'Donnell changes name to Rosie, gains 400lbs

Obama goes to church, worships self

Study: Obama's threat to butn tax money in Washington 'recruitment bonanza' for Tea Parties

GOP: a Rove by any other name still smells the same

Imam Rauf finds a peaceful solution: 'Move Ground Zero a few blocks away from the mosque and no one gets hurt'

New Yorkers to Rauf: 'move mosque to Mecca; Ground Zero at location can be arranged'

Modernizing Islam: New York imam proposes to canonize Saul Alinsky as religion's latter day prophet

General Petraeus: non-halal meals, uncovered female Americans endanger U.S. troops

U.S. forces in Afghanistan brace for backlash after President's message on Rosh Hashana and Yom Kipur

Cardboard cutouts used to fill empty seats for Obama's appearance as Obama takes credit for creating jobs in cardboard-cutout sector

Taliban commanders warn that a plan to build Ground Zero mosque could provoke violence against their troops and operatives overseas

MSNBC suggests Florida church burn Bible instead of Koran; fewer pages mean smaller carbon footprint

New York Neighbors for American Values offer to voluntarily behead themselves to prove tolerance to Muslims; rabbi Arthur Waskow offers to self-incinerate in oven instead

The U.N. posthumously awards all French military personal that served during May of 1940 a medal for Courageous Restraint

White House revises policy to announce when President is at work instead of announcing when he is going on vacation

Seattle: sonic booms of fighter jets shatter glass, stimulate economy

Obama promises to create thousands more economically neutral jobs

White House: Spanish vacation saved or created 3,427 jobs

Pelosi issues recall of House, citing electoral safety concerns

Obama's lack of cojones a bold-face lie: proof

Elton John Working On Anti-Obama Musical

Congress ceases Pentagon spending, outsources armed forces to China

Shirley Sherrod accepts apology, gets new gov't job in End of Life Counseling

On first visit as Britain's PM, David Cameron chooses a communist state, seeks détente

Report: President Obama to visit the United States in the near future

GOP challengers promise post-racial presidency after 2012

Doctors: Glenn Beck's worsening eyesight and inability to focus give hope he may yet join other media and follow Obama

Parachuting donkey lands into Vice President's desk, continues business as usual

Obama calls on radical groups to comply with rules for radicals

NAACP condemns racism within al Qaeda: 'We don't have a problem with radicals, we have an issue with their acceptance of white Arab supremacists into their organizations'

Obama denies al-Qaeda stimulus money, redirects funds to 'less racist' man-made disaster management organizations

In view of lasting heat wave, all weather forecasts are temporarily replaced with 'An Inconvenient Truth' infomercials

NAACP strongly denounces The New Black Panthers

Caught in another hateful rant, Mel Gibson apologizes to representatives of hurt communities: Russian mail-order bride community, silicone breast-implant community, slutty clothes designer community, Vegas whore community, rapist community, and personally to Al Sharpton

Europe: Oracle Octopus predicts World Cup winner;
USA: Oracle Dodo predicts economic growth

Today's box office: LeBron knixes New York in a suspense thriller The Field of Nightmares (Tax Them and They Won't Come)

In a last-ditch effort to get popular with Americans, Supreme Court nominee Elena Kagan reveals she's a Russian spy, photoshops her face on Anna Chapman's nude photos, wins by a landslide

Portland Tribune to receive Pulitzer Prize for best investigative non-reporting of Al Gore's sexual public service blooper

War on Arizona turns to quagmire; Obama sets timetable on American withdrawal by 2011

MSNBC: Obama's firing McChrystal a positive move to bring long-awaited improvement in oil-spill-affected news coverage

Harry Reid changes name to John F Kennedy in last ditch effort to win re-election

White House spokesman Gibbs clarifies why President's answers to nation's problems seem surreal, bizarre and inappropriate, by comparing reporter's question to a purple polka-dotted people-eater riding a tricycle

Obama: green economy likely to transform America into a leading third world country of the new millennium

President taps Pay Czar for BP payouts to victims: Unions order freighter of champagne

EPA: New climate bill will cost less than a postage stamp a day to those still able to afford a postage stamp

Helen Thomas Gets "Rachel Corrie Golden Bulldozer Award"

Puzzled media: Apparently, Al Gore is pro-drill

Gay Pride parade in Gaza cancels inclusion of Israeli group

Obama blames Bush for screwing up his 'Don't Make Excuses' grad speech in Kalamazoo, Michigan

Helen Thomas to leave US for ancestral Lebanon to no longer be occupier of La Raza's Land

Following phrase scheduled to appear on every Sunday morning news show: 'What Helen actually ment to say was...'

Helen Thomas to be inducted into Museum of Natural History

Obama's Deficit Reduction Commission operating in the red

Al Gore: It's a shame that a family can be torn apart by something as simple as a pack of polar bears

Democrats introduce bill regulating who can be a politician

BP hires Gaza flotilla peace activists to beat oil back into hole

I Own The World
Supercommissar Maksim
The Fine Report
Waznmentobe Rabbit
Professor Kurgman
kathy blog
FAQster
AWOL Civilization
BestObamaFacts.com
Looking at the Left
Red Planet Cartoons
Julia Gorin
Brain Terminal
Death By 1000 Papercuts
Zombietime
Bunny News Network
The Dicklist