On Friday, hundreds of elderly and handicapped peasants and workers protested against Republicans who have prevented them from receiving their fair share of social distributions made available by our glorious Socialist Democratic Party in Michigan Oblast. Capitalist agitators had so infuriated the poor, huddled Masses that law enforcement officials had to come and console them, cancelling the event and clearly leaving many feeling stranded and hopeless due to the policies of G. G. Bush.
Some of the crowd had been so provoked by Republican greed that police needed to take them to the headquarters for sausage and beet vodka, so as to calm their nerves and restore good order. The rest of the citizens were ordered to their homes, most of which are not yet paid for by the government.
Friday’s distribution of 1,000 housing ration cards was met with unexpected enthusiasm, as many pregnant and disabled citizens lined up the night before to get these generous benefits from the State, while thousands came the morning of the planned distribution also.
The Party is seeking to increase these distributions under the mandate of Comrade Party Chairman and President Barack Barackovich Obama, who has greatly expanded the number of citizens receiving distributions due to the success of his implementation of the Party’s Eight-Year Plan, the mid-point of which we are preparing to celebrate at his Swearing-In Celebration.
Citizens are being welcomed to join in the festivities as they did during the first Inauguration by offering their pledge of allegiance to the Chairman and the Party:
We can expect Comrade President Barack Barackovich to accelerate collectivization efforts throughout the USSA, since there are still many Kulaks who have yet to offer their wealth to the Masses through our highly effective redistribution system.
Citizens are reminded that, with the new year, it is time to begin processing their property paperwork, due on April 15. You all know how many people are dependent upon your honest submissions to the People’s Revenue Service, which makes these much needed distributions possible.
Universal Public Housing for all Citizens!
Faithfully submitted to the Collective of the People’s Cube,
On the other hand, selling votes and influence should be profit making enterprises, as they are now.
Did you say free sausages and beet vodka are being handed out somewhere? Where is the location of this please?
Section 8 housing for all!
Opiate of the PeopleNecessities like food, medical care, homes, iPads, etc, should not be profit making enterprises, they should all be furnished free of charge by the state.
Here here! Indeed they should! Just as (re)Edu-ma-K-shun and Akademe should also be added to the list of these 'necessities'! Why should Universities and Colleges escape the Kapitalist Kriticism when it comes to disseminating the Peoples Current Truth™? College "professors" should not be allowed to lead a double life of teaching one thing and practicing another! They shouldn't be living in lavish excess while preaching the Peoples Current Truth™ about the eeevils of kapitalism and bourgoeisism!
I say DOWN with BIG ED and Krony Kapitalism!
During WW II, a "Section 8 discharge" was given to those mentally unstabelized by the rigors of prolonged combat.
Perhaps Section 8 housing refers those of a sillier situation, or not.
Let us not forget that a college education is an excellent way for Young Socialists to abandon their Bourgeois, Capitalist mindset and learn about the practical benefits of Socialism:
Free public housing
Free health care clinic
Tenure as a seniority system like labor unions
Memorization and regurgitation as learning
The Hierarchy of Victimhood
Every worker and peasant should go through college, and with the Junior College system and the lowering of high school standards, this may soon be our reality!
Do not forget to tell everyone how the evil rethuglikkkans plan was turned around to help the "One" get what he wanted for all of us.....
Are you saying that Comrade Barack Barackovich and the Party have become Republican Reactionaries? Such a statement warrants a formal denunciation!
I suppose the next step after he's taken control of the purse from the House will be to say things like, "We don't have a spending problem, we have a section 8 housing problem." "We don't have a spending problem, we have a food distribution problem." "We don't have a spending problem, (fill in the bank) problem."