As every progressive voter knows (IRS workers included), the threat of domestic terrorism emanates exclusively from Tea Parties, Christians, conservatives, and other right-wing groups of American patriots. And yet, we have come in possession of a map that shows domestic terrorist groups whose names sound neither American nor patriotic.
This may be confusing to many a low-information progressive voter on the eve of an important election. They need to get unconfused before it's too late.
First, we must publicly condemn the map's authors as bigots and Islamophobic haters. We must get them fired from their jobs, dig up their family history, open divorce files, audit tax returns, and destroy them financially.
Second, since the map is already out, we must mitigate the damage by renaming these domestic terrorist groups as Tea Party Jihad, Al Qaeda Patriots, 9-12 Islamic Front, Evangelical Brotherhood, Al Minutemen al Islamiyya, and so on.
Other suggestions welcome.
Red SquareOther suggestions welcome.
Algerian Islamic Salvation Front »» Armenian Salvation Army Front
ISNA »» Is-NRA
Hezbollah Hamas »» Chutzpah Ham-Ass
But at least there was ONE group that we all know as Progs that didn't need changing, the one in Seattle Washington: "Hybrid Fundamentalist Group."
The Al Quaeda Legion
The Mahdi State Militia
Sons (no daughters) of the Islamic Jihad
National Society for the Sons of the American Jihad
The Boy Scouts of Mecca
Fraternal Order of bitter Gun clinging bible thumpers
Association of Enemies to be punished
and of course, The GOP