In a startling reversal of a core campaign promise, House Democrats have completely abandoned all plans to impeach President Trump. Going a step further, Speaker of the House, Nancy Pelosi, has promised to sponsor legislation abolishing the impeachment process altogether. However, Democrats still plan to go ahead with their promise to eliminate the Electoral College.

A spokesman for the House speaker said earlier today, "Even though everybody wants to see the worst Republican president since Hitler kicked out of the White House, we realized that impeachment was just not the way to go. While we were researching the Electoral College as an ancient relic left over from the Constitution that needs to be abolished, one of our staff was startled to discover that the impeachment process was also in the same outdated Constitution. We had to be consistent: either everything in the Constitution is the legal equivalent of a vestigial organ left there by white slave owners, or nothing is. If we're going to can the Electoral College, well, obviously impeachment has to go too."

Chuck Shumer, glaring over his reading glasses, commented on the unnecessary complexity of the impeachment process. "There's more than you'd think," he said. "Everybody thinks impeachment means you're outta there, but it only means you've just been accused, and only the House can do that. Okay, well and good. But get this - after the House impeaches somebody, the impeachment trial goes to the Senate, and it takes two thirds of the Senate to agree to kick out the president. Two thirds! No way can I get that many votes. What good's a show trial if you can't get results?"

Congresswoman and Constitutional scholar Ocasio-Cortez also weighed in tweeting, "If all three chambers of government are involved, then the president could veto it, right? It's really messed up. Impeachment needs to be abolished and replaced with green energy. After all, we only have ten years to save the planet."

Some Democrat voters vented feelings of betrayal. A gender studies major at UCLA, Berkeley, posted on YouTube, "You mean Trump could still be our president!? *hyperventilating* I can't believe this is hap-happen-hap-happening to my nation! Somebody had BETTER FIX THIS NOW!" she opined before fainting. Protesters were asked to comment but only responded by scratching on the doors of the Capitol Building and shouting skyward, "NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!"

Trying to salvage support among some angry Democrat voters, Pelosi promised to "repeal and replace" impeachment with a more streamlined version. "So we're thinking of a system where we trot out a few victims with messy hair to make some allegations about misconduct and if one party thinks he's guilty, out he goes! It would save time, precious taxpayers' money, and above all, the polar bears. I'm trying to save the polar bears."