Comrades,

With a heavy heart I am hereby confessing to all of you that I have participated in raping the climate.

You see, Comrades, I have a lawn mower. (Double confession: I have destroyed environments where insects like to hide as I cut the lawn.) The manual says you must not leave "old gas" not to be confused with old gas bags like Hillary, Joe Biden, Nancy Pelosi or aging Senators like Bernie, Barbara Boxer, Diane Feinstein, etc. in the mower over the winter or it will harm the motor. I had half a tank of gas in the mower which amounted to maybe 1/3 of a gallon of gas.

I had a dilemma, Comrades. Do I let the mower get ruined and have to buy a new one, thus being guilty of all sorts of climate rape for making a new mower - or do I just idle the mower (no more grass to cut since it's cold) to use up the gas?

Well, I chose the latter. Comrades, I wasted 1/3 gallon of gas and thereby raped the climate. I sincerely denounce myself! I feel so guilty for spewing so much carbon in the environment!

You know, my lawn mower is not carbon neutral like Dear Leader's glorious air chariots. He has one air chariot to carry himself and another to carry his multiple vehicles across the ocean to climate hysteria change conferences. But as they belong to Dear Leader, they do not dump carbon in the environment. And when Dear Leader eats a thousand dollar meal complete with foie gras, that does not contribute any carbon into the environment because it is glorious Dear Leader. He richly deserves his thousand dollar meal because he reads speeches from his TOTUS about global warming and income inequality. But nothing he does contributes to any of this.

Comrades, is there anything you are doing to contribute to climate rape? Would you like to confess it here?

For a moment I thought you were referring to the story about how Global Warming causes rapes.


And if those whistles don't work...

GlobalWarmingRapeInsurance.com has thought of everything!

Thank you Comrade, for affording the collective this opportunity to cleanse ourselves of the guilt that so often torments our souls. I confess, before The Party and my fellow comrades, my own guilty secret. I denounce myself in advance for what I am about to reveal, and I humbly appeal to the collective for mercy. Yesterday was a nice day on the People's Peninsula. I rolled down the Windows of my hybrid to enjoy the climate, but then a bug flew in and I rolled the windows up. I ran the air conditioner and killed the bug. Again, have mercy comrades. My intentions were noble.

Well... I drive a large pickup truck. My house is poorly insulated and the windows and doors don't close snugly. Sometimes I use old gas to kill weeds, and I often throw paint cans in the garbage. I own many two-cycle internal combustion engines, including an old Chrysler outboard that I thought was filthy even before I examined my conscience for this confession. Almost none of my appliances are Energy Star. I'm in the middle of leaf burning season, which lasts for about five months each year. I take showers just about every day, sometimes twice during summer or leaf burning season. Oh, and sometimes I pee in the yard.
Sorry, I'm new here and still learning.

The best thing is for you to drink the gas. In that way you would not be putting it in the earth. And you would be advancing your own death which is best for the environment and jihad (unless you are Muslim in which case you can rape the climate because our religion does not forbid it and you must respect all religions except your worthless Christian religion)

You can't say that because I was in my safe space when I confessed. I only came out to have a cheeseburger, and I'm back in there now.