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Columbia University honors Hitler's economic policies

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COLUMBIA UNIVERSITY, NY - During a student-organized seminar held at the ivy league university today, participants were offered a slide presentation highlighting Nazi Germany's economic policies, which many found inspirational.

According to the project's lead creator, "This presentation excludes the racial policies and focuses on the economic and social aspects of the German socialist society at that time. This approach allows students to have an unfiltered and unbiased look at how successful a truly socialist nation can be - or could be again, here in the United States. Economically speaking, Adolf Hitler remains an underappreciated genius and social experimentator who deserves a little more recognition for his achievements in organizing communities. Today is also Hitler's birthday, which adds a special artistic touch to this educational experience."

For students interested in learning more about Hitler, the organizers promised birthday cake with ice cream after the event.

As the news spread, local Jewish community and pro-Israel activists called the event "shocking and offensive." This only added to an already substantial number of accusations in anti-Semitism directed at the school, which has been repeatedly ranked as the most anti-Israel university in the United States.

Still, school officials remained firm in their determination to provide their students with this unique educational experience.

Professor Sean Alexander, who teaches Economics at Columbia University, responded to these accusations by saying, "This purely educational event breaks a number of barriers and taboos in our students' minds, challenging a popular preconception that socialism has never worked in practice. Well, now the students know that it has worked - and, most importantly, that it can work again."

"If it weren't for the Jewish obstructionism in Germany at the time, we may well be living in a socialist world today," Professor Alexander continued. "The National Socialist German Workers' Party had rapidly achieved unparalleled progress in improving the lives of all working people and limiting the power of banks, corporations, and other transnational financial interests. The economy worked like clockwork, trains ran on schedule, the state cared about its people, and income was shared fairly among all classes."

"Unfortunately, this nearly model society was destroyed in 1945 by the international imperialist kabal called Allied Powers, with the capitalist United States at the head of it - all because of the same accusations in anti-Semitism that are being thrown at me right now," Mr. Alexander said. "Granted, Hitler had some controversial racist policies, but they were a minor part of his otherwise superior social and economic platform - and this is the point of our seminar."

"Look at it this way," he argued. "Adolf Hitler pulled Germany out of the darkest and most disastrous financial crisis of the 20th century. He initiated the world's first anti-smoking campaign and promoted vegetarianism to improve public health, and did a lot of medical research without having to experiment on animals. He created the most successful social programs in history that put the majority of German citizens back to work. He created the first affordable and fuel-efficient People's Car - Volkswagen. He even changed the way the world travels today, by building the Autobahn that is the forerunner to our modern highway system. None of that would exist today if it were not for socialism and Hitler's economic ideas. Once you get over the whole Holocaust thing, Hitler doesn't seem to be the villain that our Jewish ruling classes want us to think he is."

As the controversy quickly spread through Manhattan via social media, local supporters of socialist presidential candidate Bernie Sanders flocked to Columbia campus to stand with its students and support their socialist ideals. They were warmly met by students and faculty, who invited a catering company to serve complimentary vegetarian and gluten-free snacks to anyone wearing Sanders campaign insignia.

An improvised torchlight parade was held later that night, where over 300 people marched around the campus holding Bic lighters and iPhones. When they noticed police helicopters hovering above, the marchers quickly organized themselves to form a rotating swastika pattern, thus spitefully communicating to the police that all cops were fascists.

Many testified later that they felt unusually united and uplifted by the experience. "It made me feel really strong and powerful, to be part of such a collective force," said one participant named Zach. "Together, we'll fulfill the will of the people, we'll make America a socialist country, just like Germany once was."

The mostly peaceful event resulted in only one violent incident, when Bernie supporters encountered two passersby wearing Trump shirts. However, the matter was quickly resolved and the torchlight parade continued, leaving the two lifeless Trump supporters lying behind the shrubs, covered with dead leaves.

"Those racists screamed at us, saying that Bernie was a Jew," Zach said. "That's slander. Bernie has spent his entire life opposing Israel, which we all know is a fascist Zionist state. His whole presidential campaign has been about fighting Jewish bankers who stand in the way of true socialism, just like they did in Germany. They'll get their comeuppance."

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And mind you - Herr Hitler himselbst voz väry väry Vegetarier ! Änt Herr Hitler voz väry väry gut for dsä Planet, bikous Herr Hitler himselbst not mäyk Reproduktion ! bikous Herr Hitler, vitz only 1 Testikel, voz not Raypist layk adzer Mans !

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Is there an award for socialist community organizing? If not, why not create one, a Putschy, in honor of Adolf Hitler?

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Genosse Dummkopf wrote:And mind you - Herr Hitler himselbst voz väry väry Vegetarier ! Änt Herr Hitler voz väry väry gut for dsä Planet, bikous Herr Hitler himselbst not mäyk Reproduktion ! bikous Herr Hitler, [highlight=#ffff00]vitz 1 Testikel[/highlight], voz not Raypist layk adzer Mans !

Hitler, has only got one ball,
Goering, has two but they are small,
Himmler, had something similar,
But poor old Goebbels has no balls at all!

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Columbia University students met up with the American Nazi party. They liked the idea of anti-capitalist views and will ignore the fact that they are white supremacists. Darn Nazis, can't they accept different races into their party. How dull they are with one race party. They are a bunch of squares. Maybe people telling them how boring they are will give them something to think about.

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The author forgot to mention that on Hitler's birthday all students and Bernie supporters are usually high on weed, celebrating "420" - the marijuana community's version of Oktoberfest.

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During my investigations at Columbia I thought people were shouting 'Heil Hitler' but under the light of this new evidence they may have been saying 'High Hitler'....


 
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