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You might have missed this heartwarming news from Idaho:

Trusty pet squirrel foils burglary

No guard dog here: An Idaho man said his pet squirrel foiled a home invasion burglary in between jumping across the furniture and wolfing down snacks.

Captain Craptek gets blamed for a lot of stuff around here, so I wanted to stick up for him. So, until the next time he gets in trouble or steals something from Tractor Barn #2, let's all cheer his good deed!

"He is a pain in the butt, but he is great."

High praise indeed for our furry Comrade.

I take serious offense to several items in this story.

1. Using the fascist term "pet" to describe our good Captain. Individuals cannot own pets. Only the government can classify one as a pet.

2. The lack of sympathy for the burglar who is obviously himself a victim of the Trump administration. He was simply trying to organize his own redistribution campaign.

3. The fact that this homeowner is obviously a member of the right wing militia who is hoarding an arsenal in his home.

Point # 2. Can we expand this freelance socialism into some kind of government program, perhaps the Personal Redistribution Campaign, or PRC for short?

El Presidente wrote:I take serious offense to several items in this story.

1. Using the fascist term "pet" to describe our good Captain. Individuals cannot own pets. Only the government can classify one as a pet.

2. The lack of sympathy for the burglar who is obviously himself a victim of the Trump administration. He was simply trying to organize his own redistribution campaign.

3. The fact that this homeowner is obviously a member of the right wing militia who is hoarding an arsenal in his home.

Perhaps I am being too merciful, but I am inclined to give redistribute to this man male-identifying person the benefit of the doubt about points #1 and #3. Note that he is attempting the sincerest form of flattery by imitating the heroic squirrel's tail upon his chin. Perhaps the squirrel is master and the human its pet. Or perhaps they are lifetime partners.

However, regarding your point #3 ... homeowner, did you say? OWNER? Are you claiming that one may OWN things in the kollektive? Surely you meant "resident," is it not?

I can only image the type of People's Kollective Village it took to raise this fearless Warrior for the People. I give my equal share of two walnuts to him/she/it for a reward. But remember, danger comes in many forms.

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Craptek had help!
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I concur with comrade presidente:

this rodent violently stopped a trans-legal redistributor of capitalist commodities (in OldSpeak: burglar) from doing his work.


The rodent should be sent to the ministry for re-education in room 101. He will meet other rodents there...

Where have I seen this man before?

Comrades Friends Associates,

Now that you've speculated (like a CNN anchor at a Trump press conference) and made merry with the Captain's sterling reputation, it is time for me to set the record straight. The little skirmish at Comrade Pearl's gun store and house trailer was no laughing matter - particularly for the uninvited guest.

I'd been visiting Adam to purchase some ammo, a canoe, and a few small land mines, when he received a call and had to leave suddenly - something about a family emergency. I decided to take a little nap while waiting for him to return.

Just as I was drifting off a bright flash of lightening and the crash of thunder practically knocked me off the dining room table where I'd been curled up. As I scrambled to my feet all the lights in the place blinked and went out.

That's when I heard the front door burst open and someone or something quite large entered the trailer. I knew it was large by the way the trailer floor creaked under its feet as it walked slowly in my direction. It stopped in the doorway just long enough for another flash of lightening to reveal its hideous face. No, it wasn't Adam!

I could see the creature glance left and right as each flash briefly lit the room. Suddenly, it looked straight at me. I grinned, sat up on my hind legs and said, "Hello". That's when it screamed (AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...) and ran out the front door. By the time I got to the window it had disappeared into the woods.

Adam's security camera caught some of the action - check the secret file below: