Officials and Party representatives of the American Media Collective were addressed by Comrade Vice President Joseph Iosifovich Biden in Philadelphia this week, during which the assembled journalists received their formal indoctrinational instructions from the Party on how to move forward with the disarmament and pacification plan of the Democratic Social Party of the USSA.
After a 20 minute standing ovation by the reporters, Comrade Joseph reminded them of their patriotic duty to support Comrade Party Chairman and President Barack Barackovich Obama’s plan to disarm counter-revolutionary elements that would harm the vulnerable workers and peasants of America.
Many of the journalists stated they had never felt so inspired to carry out their obligation to present the Party’s truth in light of reactionary and bourgeois attempts to skirt proper State leadership of the media.
“To be very blunt with you, we’re counting on all of you, the legitimate news media to cover these discussions because the truth is that times have changed,” J. I. Biden stated.
As always, the Party is concerned that non-approved communications that misrepresent the Party’s plan to protect the masses from the senseless violence that non-approved weapons cause on a daily basis will continue to oppress women and minorities, who are often the victims of weapons violence.
Citizens are reminded that even the idea of guns in the hands of people other than government authorities is a type of oppression, causing victims to fear weapons violence in schools and work places. Such talk of weapons ownership can often leave these protected classes feeling vulnerable.
Comrade Joseph stirred the reporters’ zeal to defend the Motherland against the purveyors of lies found on the internet and so-called ‘social media,’ which is an imposture for the true Socialist Media which has been tasked by the Party to educate the proletarian Masses through accurate indoctrination.
Comrades, follow the lead of the American Media Collective!
Obey the Party and fight against intellectual non-conformism!
Faithfully submitted to the Collective of the People’s Cube,
Dialectical Progressivism Translator
Obey the Party! Fight against intellectual non-conformism! Follow the lead of the American Media Collective!
"Peasants, give your guns to Red Army soldiers! They will do a better job protecting you, your property, and your land!"
...as we know, this isn't exactly how it went.