Let us ponder on this Christmas Eve about whether we would be better off if Christ were to equal Obama in moral and intellectual prowess.
In fact, let us make a list (and check it twice) of what he would do differently...
As we celebrate our narrow escape from the Mayan-Republican Apocalypse of December 21, 2012, the American media is living up to its reputation as the people's fearless truth-teller, by correctly attributing our collective salvation to Barack Obama. Their consensus can be best expressed by this unbiased quote from CNN: "If you don't think Obama is god, you're just stupid."
As skeptics and other racists question Obama's divine intervention, the media's answer is clear: it's December 22nd and we are all here, aren't we? The world, including GM, is still alive - and Bin Laden is still deader than the majority of Chicago voters. What more proof do you need?
No, these are not Halloween decorations from the Kremlin, nor are they visual aids in a KGB class on how to stage weird accidents.
Buried in the ash heap of history for decades, these vintage Soviet accident prevention posters
have recently been unearthed, digitized, and turned into a trendy item by American bloggers with a taste for all things bizarre and outlandish.
- When you call your cat and preface it with "comrade"
- You return your Rubik's cube to the store because it has sides of different colors.
- First you find yourself giggling at Doctor Zhivago, then the movie just plain scares you
- Your tinfoil hat receives a clear signal from Laika the Space Dog
- Red Square is no longer a place in Moscow, but People's Director
- You refer to the President as Dear Leader
- On your first date you ask how many child units are associated with her family collective
- You see an empty mason jar and wonder what happened to the brain inside
- You have a bumper sticker that reads, "My other car is a Zil"
- The highlight of your life is receiving the coveted Beet of the Week award
Following the recent school shooting, the national media once again focuses on the dangerous nature of guns - because focusing on the dangerous nature of psychopaths may cause the nation to recognize the same traits in many media figures, activists, and political leaders they support.
While the recent psychopathic shooter is no longer a menace, a number of much more dangerous, experienced psychopathic manipulators still remains at large.
As a public service, we are posting the following 30 characteristics of the psychopath, a.k.a. manipulator, or perverse narcissist (to qualify, at least 14 items from this list must be present as permanent traits).
Inspired by early 20th century Russian Suprematism
art, this design features an authentic image of Comrade Red Square, People's Director, Dept. of Visual Agitation and Unanimity at The People's Cube.
Unlike the AmeriKKKan supremacism of the white heterosexual males, Russian suprematism, originating in 1915, meant "the supremacy of pure artistic feeling."
You will know what "the supremacy of pure artistic feeling" means once you start wearing it on a shirt - it's guaranteed to make you look and feel supreme but equal.
Impress your Zionist friends, colleagues, co-conspirators, and family members with this proof of being an Intergalactic Zionist Conspiracy Charter Member. It's time to come out of the closet and show the world who's really in charge!
Shirts, buttons, coffee mugs, hats, bags, key chains, and other products are available to Intergalactic Zionist Conspiracy Charter Members only. You can customize colors, styles, and sizes.
We have them in two online stores for different sets of products. Scroll down to see them all.
During Thanksgiving, American toiling masses traditionally give thanks to the government for what it has distributed to them. All conscientious members of community are required to experience (a) deep gratitude to the Party and its leaders; (b) unworthiness in the face of the the glorious state; (c) guilt for consuming according to their needs and not giving back enough according to their abilities. The non-compliant will have their belongings redistributed to the more worthy members of the community.
FROM OUR PALESTINIAN ARCHIVES
Israel is in the news again, but there's nothing new about that. In fact, the conflict is so NOT new that any of our old stories can pass for current events if you don't look at the date stamp. Here's the proof.
You may wonder why Dear Leader hasn't yet upgraded to Vista or Windows 8, but the fact is, all White House computers are running the outmoded 2008 Hope'N'Change Operating System
, which is incompatible with any private sector software.
However, a team of unionized government programmers are selflessly toiling to improve its performance. The custom-made programs include AlibiMaker, FatwaGenerator, RigTheVote2012, and others.
An interactive animated character named Screwy sees everything you do and offers unsolicited advice based on Keynesian algorithms.
Last night on Twitter, @ThePeoplesCube
started a #HamasBumperStickers
trend, which was picked up by tens of thousands people and quickly rose to the #1 trend not just in the United States but also worldwide - the fact promptly picked up by Michelle Malkin's Twitchy Team
18 hours later, #HamasBumperStickers
is still trending, breaking Twitter records on humorous hashtag games...
Once upon a time in a land far away, a flourishing chicken pen secured an eclectic gathering of reasonably happy chickens, as chicken happiness goes. Each morning our industrious chicken rancher admired his chicken settlement from the comforts of his country kitchen, while enjoying his French press coffee, gluten-free toast, and two eggs over easy with a dash of Tabasco. Granddad had bequeathed the farm to his son and father to son so the resulting pride was abundant and responsibilities unending.
Deprived of free political speech, Soviets had developed a culture of underground political jokes. I used to remember thousands of them. Already in America I discovered that most of my old Soviet jokes didn't work in translation. It wasn't so much the language difference as the fact that Americans had no first-hand knowledge of a totalitarian government, ideological uniformity, and shameless propaganda.
But that is changing. The more America "progresses" back to the Soviet model, the more translatable the old Soviet jokes become.
The new day of flexibility is upon us. At last we can deal with the enemies the way enemies should be dealt with. This time we will get it right
! Previous incarnations of the progresive model have used crude methods of fear, imprisonment, and execution to combat the enemies of the State. Here is where we, the New Vanguard of the Revolution, are superior to those who have come before.
David Petraeus is a fine example of how the New Vanguard does business, as described in this AP story.
NOVEMBER 7 is the glorious 95th anniversary of the Socialist Revolution
in Russia, celebrated by the masses all over the world with spontaneous marching in goose-stepping columns as they share their rations of potatoes and beet vodka.
It is symbolic that on this day American workers, peasants, and the toiling unwashed intelligentsia celebrate the re-election of their first openly socialist president, hoping he will soon abolish the capitalist oppression of gainful employment and replace it with equal rations of beets and potatoes.
If adding an exclamation point to the word "Forward" won't excite women voters, nothing will.
Our resident expert on women's issues at The People's Cube explains the science behind this wonderful enhancement and demonstrates how it's going to affect the average disillusioned woman voter.
Democratic National Hurricane Center today updated its predictions of the impact of Hurricane Sandy on the densely democratically populated East Coast, painting an ambiguous picture for the vital electoral region.
Forecaster Dunham pulled no punches: "We're Fluked. Plain and simple. This may be the first time for a lot of Democrats to experience a blow of this magnitude."
My article in the American Thinker
The phrase "binders full of women" speaks to the progressive psyche in ways that the non-initiated can't possibly understand. Once again, the progressives are letting their primal fantasies choose their battles for them.
The townhall debate wasn't even over, and already the Internet was afire with snarky "women in binders" jokes, parodies, and pictures, prompting a glowing CNN report about "a Twitter hashtag, a series of memes on Tumblr, and a Facebook page with over 100,000 fans."
Reasonable people are scratching their heads: what is so terribly wrong with this seemingly innocuous, if awkward, way to describe Mitt Romney's efforts to find qualified women applicants?
With all the electronic toys, computers, and gadgets cluttering his room, he probably wishes his presidency also had an "undo" option - or, at least, a "backspace" key. But even the oversized "reset" button, which Hillary swore would work like a charm, turned out to be a plastic dud, and is now collecting dust in the corner next to Sandra Fluke's special-edition wire hanger and the mainstream media's "Men in Black" flashy thingy that failed to erase anyone's memory of the last four years.
If the Romney-Obama debate reminded me of a lost chapter from Atlas Shrugged
, the Ryan-Biden debate felt more like watching a rerun of "Back to the Future."
A good nerdy kid, Marty McFly, is on a noble mission to improve everyone's future by fixing a few problems in the past. He gets bullied by a boorish jock, Biff Tannen, who only cares about dominating the nerd at any cost. In the end, the bully loses and the nerd speeds off to the new, exciting world.
Many of us may remember playing with plastic army persons during our youth. Well, progressive science has since discovered that this game was a ploy to instill patriarchal hegemony in male child-persons, encouraging their feelings of violence and aggression towards diverse cultures. In order to educate the new generation of state's mini-adults about the concept of a modern, correct-thinking army, the UN in association with the Obama Administration have created a revised set of plastic army persons for use in state-authorized play activities.
As seen in The Washington Times
If Ayn Rand were to write a Christmas story, it would look like last night's presidential debate, in which good triumphs over evil, as looters and moochers get shamed and exposed for what they really are.
Indeed, for those who noticed how eerily Obama's term in office resembled the "Atlas Shrugged" scenario of America's decline, last night's presidential debate must have felt like a lost optimistic chapter from that great novel.
Long-time PBS anchor Jim Lehrer was arrested today after being named as the person responsible for an inflammatory broadcast, which has incited verbal violence and unrest throughout the United States and Europe.
The broadcast, which appeared unexpectedly over many US television stations last Wednesday night, superficially seems to be a debate between US president Barack Obama and an unnamed other person, possibly the president's debate coach John Kerry. However, the incendiary and invidious intent of the presentation soon makes itself obvious.
Scores were injured and numerous buildings were burnt to the ground in the city of Itsnotsobad after a riot was started by peaceful Muslims who expressed outrage over five straight days of no provocation or insults from the West.
Mahmoud Iwannariotbad, a local businessman who sells detonators, wire, and dynamite to the local mosque construction industry, stated that the violence began when a group of men hanging around in his store began discussing the fact that no new anti-Islam films, subway advertisements, or Pamela Geller blog postings had appeared for a number of days.
One of them began shouting, "They are NOT INSULTING us because they think we are all violent, stupid thugs and not peace-loving sons of the prophet. This is an insult to Islam! Let's kill them!
"Suddenly, they all wanted to buy detonators, wire, and dynamite," Mr. Iwannariotbad continued...
While this story has been covered in the New York Post
, and linked on Drudge, I'd like to offer a little-known back story of the events - and it involves the People's Cube in more ways than one.
We covered the story of how the MTA initially rejected this ad, adding a series of visual spoofs portraying the hypothetical reaction to it by offended savages. That makes Mona Eltahawy's claim to be a Proud Savage nothing more than - you guessed it - life imitating the People's Cube.
You get no argument from us, Mona - you're a bona fide savage, vandal, and barbarian.
- It automatically rejects calls from people with a different opinion.
- Every time you take a picture, it produces a grimmer image of America.
- It doesn't have a plan; it just keeps telling you how bad the other guy's plan is.
- When it crashes, it blames your previous phone.
- All 3 AM calls go directly to voicemail.
- It has a really useless app called "Biden."
- Pairing it with another device sucks all the energy out of the other unit.
- Type in "job search" and it gives you directions to the welfare office.
As seen in Front Page Magazine - now with pictures
"This is what democracy looks like" was often heard at Occupy Wall Street rallies from hatchlings of the "progressive" eggs we have seen deposited sneakily on the Internet, in textbooks, films, and news coverage. Their leaders also tried to garner the support of Islamists by embracing their alleged grievances, but having showed up only once for a public prayer and witnessing the ungodly Occupy lifestyle, Muslim groups quickly decided they weren't THAT tolerant. Predictably, this was promptly squirreled away by the Occupiers into the lessons-not-learned tent.
Scores of people were injured Saturday in clashes with police as protests continued in the Muslim world against the most recent Adobe Acrobat update, downloaded Friday to one of the region's fifteen computers. Released by an American-based software company, the update allegedly provided "critical fixes improving security, stability and performance," while also addressing a number of "high priority bugs," which many in the Muslim world see as an insult to their way of life.
"Why are Americans always telling us that we need an update?" an imam addressed a raging crowd of followers in Bangladesh's capital, Dhaka. "The very suggestion that we need a 'critical fix' to improve the 'handling of errors' is yet another example of America's arrogance. Our system is superior to theirs and any suggestion that it 'misses a plug-in' is an imperialist attempt to impose their blasphemous lifestyle on true believers."
The following hard-hitting, well-reasoned editorial will be appearing in most of our finest daily newspapers in the next few weeks as soon as we call them up and instruct them to print it. Be on the lookout for it so you can spring into action and start writing letters of approval as soon as it appears.
We here at the (insert name of paper here)
are a fair, open-minded, tolerant bunch, as you would expect given our elevated social status. So, when an unknown, inexperienced politician named Willard Mitt Romney had the audacity to run for president, we decided to give him a chance and hear what he had to say about his "qualifications."
Let's look at the facts: despite Mr. Romney's alleged business acumen, the economy is even worse now than it was when the universally-despised Mr. Bush left office. Unemployment is higher, GDP is lower and let's not even talk about the deficit...
As seen in The Washington Times
These labels only make sense to someone looking at us through the lens of the Marxist doctrine - which happens to be the frame of reference that is being imposed on the world through education, media, and entertainment channels by the "progressive" camp, the sitting president with his close allies included.
The problem is that if one really tries to hack through America trying to eradicate all the above imaginary "impurities," there will be no leftovers worth saving - which has always been the self-fulfilling prophecy of the "progressives." And that is what makes their well-meaning but delusional efforts objectively dangerous.
As Romney belatedly releases his tax returns, many experts question their authenticity, converting the documents to PDF and examining them for hidden layers. According to Sen. Harry Reid, some of the tax tables used were not in effect at the time of the alleged "returns."
This issue of the New York Times examines the controversial GOP candidate's "taxes" debacle in a series of articles appearing on its front page under the following headlines:
- Pakistan explodes in protest over new Adobe Acrobat update. 17 local acrobats killed; Adobe evacuates Karachi office
If Obama had a fraction of faith in his own narrative, he would have condemned Bill Maher, returned his million dollar donation, and requested that "Religulous" be removed from Netflix, Amazon, and Blockbuster - just as he requested that Google
and YouTube lose the "offensive" video.
Now he must either throw Bill Maher under the bus, or admit that his support of the "Arab Spring" has been the worst foreign policy disaster since Jimmy Carter. You can't have falafel and eat it, too, Mr. President.
As seen in The Washington Times
Intentionally or not, the Code Pink feminists who cover themselves in vagina-shaped burkas send a message that reduces the woman's existence to a single physiological function, stripping her of an individual mind, spirit, and character - a view not very different from the fundamentalist Islamic idea of a woman as merely a veiled reproductive organ. This is hardly coincidental: two militant collectivist philosophies are bound to converge at one point or more.
The Left was never squeamish about breaking eggs to make an omelet. The eggs in this case are the brutalized Muslim women, who now have nowhere else to turn...
Help Obama to organize his presidential legacy. Fill the empty frame with most memorable moments of his presidency.
While we already have many great entries, this is a multi-site campaign and we encourage you to visit them all!
Guess who else is participating!
Pets don't vote. They judge. And they torture you with their unbearable cuteness. Today we received an email with this picture: three surprised dogs and a caption saying, "This is exactly the same look you get from your friends if you tell them you plan to vote for Obama."
We have already reported on the reasons why dogs may dislike Obama in Dog, Interrupted
In this issue, we turn our attention to cats, capturing some of their responses.
Happy Labor Day Posters
The entire Progdom is up in arms since the Chair Wars started with Clint Eastwood's unprovoked attack on an innocent chair at the RNC. Instead of acting as a policy expert like all the Prog actors do, Mr. Eastwood presumed to act as an actor and delivered an acting performance. What a bizarre idea!
Unbeknownst to Eastwood, that was actually the 5th or the 6th most interesting chair in the room. It had enough capacity to seat not just our invisible president, but also millions of jobs that had been saved or created, as well as undocumented voters, necroproxies, and all the fake Twitter followers.
The Charlatans at Charlotte, NC, present
The Dementocratic National Convention Freakshow
Featuring real living human oddities:Sandra Fluke The Subsidized Snake Charmer
The Thin-Skinned President Barack Obama
Elisabeth Warren The Lily-White Cherokee
The Contortionist Charlie Crist
Joe Biden The Brainless Man
Other oddities with mental anomalies include: Debbie Wasserman Schultz, Michelle “The Beard” Obama, John Kerry - The Horse Face Boy, Jummah and The Flying Prayer Carpet, Bill Clinton - The Fat Lady Chaser, Obama's Egyptian Sand Statue, and more.
In light of the imminent danger that Hurricane Isaac may not, after all, obliterate the city of Tampa, it is incumbent on us to point out the only reasonable course to take to avert certain disaster.
Media reports continue to reveal the stubbornness of RNC attendees, who are selfishly forcing multitudes of Union members, as well as the suffering exotic entertainers in the Tampa Bay area convention industry, to work under poorly regulated weather conditions. This is not to mention Code Pink protesters, who are required to boycott the Convention in an unsafe environment, as their flabby vagina costumes
expose them to the danger of being picked up by the 75mph wind and blown away into the Gulf of Mexico.
We at NBC strive to earn our public's trust by being the most accurate and reliable news source. Since our regrettable error in reporting on the death of "Astronaut Neil Young," we now publish a correction on the controversial career of one of America's greatest hall-of-famers, astronaut Lance Armstrong, who passed away over the weekend at age 82.
Armstrong rose to international stardom as the first astronaut to ride to the moon seven times. After the release of his hit song, Harvest Moon
, suspicions arose...
Our editorial in the American Thinker
To paraphrase Baudelaire, the greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world of the moral superiority of collectivism. According to Ayn Rand, if we don't convince the world otherwise, nothing else will work. Our greatest ally in this fight is human nature. Our greatest asset is morality itself, which is really, truly, undeniably, and absolutely on our side.
Republicans are so stupid, they think only "their own kind" will hear the message of reprehensible evil bubbling beneath the surface of every little thing they say—hence the term "dog whistle." But they're wrong, which is scarcely surprising since they're wrong about everything.
In this brief tutorial, we will show you how Republicans turn ordinary words into synonyms for hate and mass destruction, thus enabling you to hear or read anything they say or write and immediately detect the racism and mean-spirited intolerance that poisons every syllable they spew.
A study released today by the highly respected Debbie Wasserman Schultz Institute of Thinking An' Stuff has found absolute proof that the only thing preventing Middle Class Americans from having their cake and eating it too is a self-perpetuating myth fabricated by GOP Vice-Presidential candidate and parricidal maniac Paul Ryan.
Vera Lowdanfat, lead investigator and former professional complainer from Chicago, told a stunned crowd of people stuffing their faces with cake that the oft-repeated adage is actually an old significant other's tale that was never taken seriously before the birth of Paul Ryan on January 29, 1970. "It's just not true," screamed Lowdanfat. "People had their cake and ate it, too, all the time before Ryan made this up! Why do you think Marie Antoinette said, 'Let them eat cake'? She knew that if the peasants ate cake, they would still have it, too, and so they'd never run out of food!"
Lamar Ferguson, an openly non-gay athlete of Marietta, GA, who has won his second gold in the men's 3/4 acre lawnmower event in London, was also forced to fight an uphill battle to overcome the intolerance and resentment from his fans and the sports media after going public about his life with a domestic partner of the opposite sex.
Veteran reporter Blogunov, who was in London making sure that all events receive equal coverage, interviewed Ferguson on his win, his future plans, and intimate details of his personal life.
Ferguson won his first gold four years ago in Beijing
, having defeated the heavily favored Mexican champion, Pedro Rodriguez...
By now everyone has heard that Mitt Romney Hood is a felon, a tax cheat, and an accomplice to murder - but those current truths only scratch the surface of his deviancy.
The Party™ plans to remedy this with a new magazine that will deliver a full spectrum of korrekt information about Romney to the oppressed masses - and much more! That's not to say that the NYT, WaPo, NBC, CBC, ABC, and CNN are not doing a fine job of this already, but an extra $3 contribution to Obama's campaign will not hurt. And this is exactly how much you must pay in order to get the first issue absolutely free!!!
Inside you will find:
- Drugs-and-sex-crazed GOP convention
- Dependent-of-the-Month centerfold
- Capitalist vampires living on virgin blood
- Cher: Ghost of Republican Sonny Bono is forcing me to have a baby
- Lead story - Mitt Romney's Nazi torture cult: only a woman's screams can make him smile.
Harry Mason Reid, who is known to his fans as the Senate Majority Leader, was lying in the middle of the road with no car in sight when another driver spotted him and called 911, according to a recording released Thursday. Officials said Reid was naked and threatened to kill state troopers when he was arrested late Tuesday night.
Apparently Read was returning home from a poetry reading at the Cowboy Poets Society
(CPUSA). He was charged with driving while intoxicated and retaliation or obstruction, and released Wednesday on $21,500 bond from the Clark Co. jail in Las Vegas. A mug shot showed a battered-looking Reid in a T-shirt, with a black eye and dried blood on his face. He later walked barefoot out of the jail wearing scrubs and a "Viva Las Vegas" baseball cap.
Troopers responding to the scene said a Pontiac Trans Am registered to Reid had been driven off the road and struck several barricades in a construction road. Reid was not wearing clothes and made threats against the Texas troopers, said a Department of Public Safety spokesman.
If you've ever suffered illness or injury, the loss of a job, the death of a loved one, bankruptcy, unwanted pregnancy, foreclosure, repossession of your car and/or furniture/appliances . . .
If you ever, while going to school, received wedgies, noogies, wet willies, Native American burns, the dreaded Rear Admiral, or was pinned down while the campus jock shaved your head because he was bigoted against your special unique expression of individuality . . .
If you've ever been embarrassed in front of your friends and co-workers or, if you don't have co-workers, then the other people standing in line with you . . .
If you've never been able to lose weight, program a VCR, remove the plastic wrapper from a fortune cookie while dining in a Chinese restaurant, or get laid . . .
Mere hours after the Obama Campaign released the political advertisement some are calling the "Romney Killed my Wife" ad
, The Romney campaign put together their own quid pro quo version in the spirit of one-upsmanship.
On August 1 last Wednesday, gangs of intractable thoughtcriminals converged at Chick-Fil-A restaurants in an outright rebellion
against progressive values. Our undercover agents could barely record everyone's license plates; they might have a better chance crossing a Nascar track during a race than getting across a Chick-Fil-A parking lot.
The lines inside Chick-Fil-A were longer than at the DMV or at the unemployment offices, although not as long as the projected hospital lines upon the implementation of ObamaCare. The average line could be compared to that at an airport security checkpoint, except there was no TSA agent at the end of it. By force of habit, some of our agents joined the line thinking there was a politician giving away freebies. If only General Motors could find a way to attract as many customers without having to support traditional marriage!
The dark side of Obama's statement: collective achievement equals collective punishment
As Obama's "you didn't build that
" quote is being probed and analyzed, I'd like to point out that the idea of redistributing other people's achievements is only a tip of an iceberg; its foundation sinks deep underneath the floating wreckage of American values.
On the flipside, Obama's quote reads like this:
"If you have failed, somebody along the line ruined it for you. There was a lousy teacher somewhere in your life. Somebody helped to create this unfair American system that caused you to fail. Somebody benefitted from your demise. If you're a loser, it's not your fault. Somebody else made that happen. Titanic didn't sink on its own. Corporations and insurance companies made a lot of money off of it, so they must be complicit. The point is, when we fail, we fail not only because of our individual shortcomings, but also because others have teamed up behind your backs. Vote for me - I'll punish the guilty and give you what's rightfully yours."
This is the house that Obama built
These are the firms
That paid for the house that Obama built
This is the media that didn't inform
That everyone's broke except for those firms
That paid for the house that Obama built
This is the clunker tooting its horn
That was fueled by the gas made out of corn
That used to be food for those tattered and torn
That once trusted the priest who was made to reform
That married the men all tidy and shorn
That cheered the maiden in a Georgetown dorm
That milked the taxpayers for the condoms and porn
That the state must provide from the day we are born
That was paid with the money all wasted and gone
That came from the stimulus ready to burn
That the crony big businesses didn't return
That gave to the unions what they didn't earn
That the media saw but didn't inform
That everyone's broke except for those firms
That paid for the house that Obama built
The opening Olympic ceremony in London has been so progressive that all the planned competitive events in the following week will surely be seen as an outmoded form of ancient barbarism, which they are. Archery? Javelin? They can only seem useful and not a complete waste of people's calories if we tie Sarah Palin to the stake as a target. The most barbaric part of the games is, of course, the very notion of competition.
The progressive society of the future will surely have Progressive Olympics - beginning with solar-powered Olympic flame and Section 8 housing at the Olympic Village, to equality of outcomes for all! All the medals to be replaced with Carbon Credits and redistributed to the athletically challenged. National Anthems to be replaced with songs from Glee and the term "winners" with "disproportionally successful participants." And if we still get the feeling that our self-esteem hasn't been sufficiently elevated, we will blame the previous Olympics for our failure to achieve equal results at this Olympics.
Our editorial in the American Thinker
Why is it that in the previous decades, when life was tougher, weapons were widespread, and the ratio of mental disorders was presumably the same, mass shootings were unheard of? Some would say that those people had not yet been corrupted by moral relativism, desensitized by Hollywood's fantasy violence and glorification of crime, or addicted to gory point-and-shoot videogames. All valid points -- yet one major reason hardly gets any notice.
The set of rules for war are different from the set of rules for peace. Wars have always been brutal and soul-sapping; while killing was the norm, there have also been rules to spare innocent civilians. The inhuman murder of a random group of defenseless innocents for no other reason than murder itself was never a part of war -- let alone of peace. What has changed in our 2,000-year-old Western civilization that makes it possible?
is in the focus
of reluctant public attention again, three years after a half-assed attempt
at assassination of a Saudi official with a pound of explosives stuck up a jihadist's rectum. Back then we made a parody of an Al-Qaeda training video titled, Get Lucky With A Bomb Up Your Butt
. Among other useful butt-bombing tips, the video encouraged Jihadists to find a butt buddy in order to widen their bomb-storage facility and make them accustomed to the pleasure of martyrdom. Unfortunately, life has the nasty habit of imitating our parodies.
Raymond Ibrahim reports about a new fatwa that explicitly legitimizes sodomy and even makes it obligatory if it helps to wage Jihad on the unbelievers.
Facing new polls that show his popularity evaporating to virtually nothing, especially among women, President Obama hopes America will bet on a whole new Barack Obama.
"I know I've been bad," announced the President at his latest campaign stop. "I know I've lied. I've been very dismissive of your wants and needs. I've blamed everyone but myself for my own failings.
"I know I've hurt you, America.
"But I've been going through a lot of soul-searching lately. I know I can be better. I want to be good. Like they say, admitting your failings is the beginning of getting better.
"This is my promise to you, America: I'm going to be a whole new president. I'm turning over a new leaf!
"From now on I'll be better. I won't be the same President you think I am. I'll get really, really serious about my faults. Because we're good together and I don't want to lose you. Please don't give up on me.
"This terrible ordeal we've been going through has affected our relationship...
Words are living things: squiggling, wriggling and giggling like a hunnert-year-old constitution thingamajig.... Bailout
Then: Ejecting from a failing aircraft before it crashes
Now: Injecting money into a crony too-big-to-fail bank before it crashes Crony
Then: Someone a pal would share a drink with
Now: Someone a pol will share taxpayer money with Freedom
Then: You do what you want
Now: You do what we want Poverty
Then: A lack of the basic necessities of life
Now: A lack of the newest iPhone
FROM THE PEOPLE'S ARCHIVES:
On the Fourth of July Americans will be cynically celebrating the greatest setback world progress has ever endured in all of human history. The rest of humankind will, of course, be grieving over the dark day when the United States of America was born. To understand the full scope of this tragedy we must look back at the pre-7/04 world and see what it was like to live on planet Earth before 1776.
Prior to July 4, 1776, not a single person in the world starved, got sick, worked hard for a living, or experienced any pain and anxiety. No one had ever been oppressed or unfairly exploited because the oppressive and unfair American system had not yet been created.
This day on the People's Blog:
The recent story
of Obama celebrating Independence Day in Paris with a massive fundraiser has prompted us to envision the Dear Leader as a dreamy French mime. It was only logical then to place French Mime Obama in some American context with the caption, "Ever feel like you're in the wrong place?" The costume merely amplifies the obvious: regardless of whether he was born in Hawaii or not, Obama is not American in his heart and mind. He looks and feels out of place in any American setting that is not a gathering of snobbish elites, media bubbleheads, or mind-numb leftist radicals.
Test this theory by placing him in various American settings of your choice.
All world cultures, Western and Muslim alike, share the same moral conviction, which is commonly reflected in their laws: those who show contempt for human life by committing remorseless, premeditated murder justly forfeit the right to their own life. By this moral and legal standard, shouldn't remorseless radical groups that profess contempt for our individual freedoms and actively promote their demise, forfeit their own right to enjoy these very individual freedoms? Shouldn't their premeditated efforts to destroy the rule of law make them ineligible to be protected by these very laws?
This is getting serious. A leading anti-communist website FrontPageMag.com
, which is part of the reactionary David Horowitz's "Freedom Center
," has just gone on a full-frontal attack against our glorious party organ, maliciously labeling us as "a leading communist website" when, in fact, we are THE leading communist website. Furthermore, they unscrupulously used incendiary language from our own article
and put it in fear-mongering "scare quotes," despite the well-known fact that the masses have nothing to fear about "the glorious message of Revolution" unless they are members of "the notorious Glazov Gang at FrontPageMag.com."
President Obama today spoke out about an increasingly common but vile tendency on the part of many people, such as Republicans: blaming other people for their mistakes.
According to Washington Post
, President Obama
warned supporters that Republicans have boiled down their campaign to a single phrase: It's Obama's fault. "You can pretty much put their campaign on a tweet and have some characters to spare," Obama said, adding that these attempts at finger-pointing are pathetic lies because everyone knows the nation's current troubles are all George W. Bush's fault.
Comrades, we have a star! Watch our new member, Tommi Trudeau, deliver the glorious message of Revolution to capitalist running dogs Jamie Glazov, Dwight Schultz, and Nonie Darwish - the notorious Glazov Gang at FrontPageMag.com
Broken into three parts, his hard-hitting Current Truth will shake your bourgeois foundations and make your doubts wither away faster than you can say "shovel-ready."
A research team working on a two-million-dollar government grant just made a shocking discovery: intense man-made heat waves are decimating bird populations throughout the globe, including the birds that were recently thriving in local neighborhoods. According to the researchers, anthropogenic warming-related activities are directly responsible. Steady temperature increases, especially when confined to small areas, target inactive birds that can no longer fly away to avoid the consequences. As technologically induced heat waves are being absorbed across the skin, the affected birds begin to turn brown.
In a campaign ad aired during the MTV Awards, the "Sex and the City" star Sarah Jessica Parker has generously offered
all the little people of America an opportunity to feel as if they matter.
On June 14, any member of the unwashed toiling masses will have a chance to dine with her, Barack Obama, and American Vogue editor-in-chief Anna Wintour, at Parker's fabulous New York City home.
The dinner with celebrities, informally titled "Tax and the City," is sponsored by BarackObama.com
, where the unwashed must pay an unspecified sweepstakes entrance fee and check out the boxes acknowledging that they have to shower with soap and wipe off their feet before entering.
The Democrats have finally found the fault in Romney's campaign they can safely exploit. A typo made by a low-level designer for a Romney phone app, which said "A better Amercia" has now become a major political and cultural issue, consuming the best minds of the progosphere.
Says one Obama campaign strategist: "We must tirelessly exploit Romney staffer's typo and this country will soon be ours! Then we will not just missplell it, but we will fundamentally transform it and change its bourgeois constitution!"
Other Bloomberg movie titles:
No Country for Old Menu
There Will Be Blood Cholesterol
Harvey 2% Milk
Food Police Academy
West Side-Salad Story
My Big Fat-Free Greek Wedding
Fast Food Furious
Slim and Slimmer
The Silence of the Libs
A Clockwork Orange Crush
Raiders of the Lost Pounds
The French Restaurant Connection
Clearly democracy has died, comrades. That said, who cares about the number of votes? What's important is the exit polling, which showed that in an even bigger contest than this one five months from now, Red Square would win by at least seven points. So you might say he's really the big winner tonight!
Also, he was outspent by his competitors, thanks to an influx of big money to Big Fur Hat by outsiders who are so outside, that they don't even wear big fur hats, or any kind of fur hat, and in many cases, no hats at all! If not for all that money, Red Square would've won--so in effect, he still won!
Now, comrades, let us commemorate the outcome by doing what we always do whenever a contest doesn't turn out the way we want--let's riot and torch cars and smash windows and go looting!
Brief Author Bio:
In this uncertain time, where wages are stagnating and jobs are scarce for college grads, Michael Eric Dyson teaches highly marketable skills to students at Georgetown University (tuition and fees approximately $41,000 per year), in courses like "The Sociology of Hip-Hop" where the lyrics of hip-hop luminaries are parsed for their meaning.
Professor Dyson guides his students through Jay-Z's "Big Pimpin'" and "99 Problems (but a bitch ain't one)" adding a context which gradually allows his pupils to appreciate the aforementioned works alongside inferior prose like T.S. Elliot's "The Wasteland."
Today, Dr. Dyson trains his razor-sharp mind against the heretofore unexamined racism of the Tea-Party, an anti-Obama coalition whose members share a complexion with German Reich Chancellor Adolf Hitler.
Obama's recent photo op in Denver resulted in some curious images. One of them is a surreal bundle of human hands trying to reach Obama. That reminded me of a bizarre Soviet propaganda poster with a collage of outstretched hands and the slogan saying "We will meet the plan of glorious projects!"
So I combined them in a new collage - and suddenly it all came together:
"Many years later, in far-away America, the glorious plan is coming to life. "A handshake across time and space."
I added some text in Russian: "A handshake across time and space" and "You're with us, comrade!"
DENVER -- President Obama delivered a rousing campaign speech last night to a packed house of 550 donors paying between $250 and $40,000 to attend the gala, held in the 750-seat Denver Hyatt venue.
The keynote of the address centered on the dark specter of George W. Bush that still hangs over the nation. "I don't know how they've been bamboozling folks into thinking that they are the responsible, fiscally-disciplined party. They run up these wild debts and then when we take over we have to clean it up," the President thundered in righteous rage.
He went on to pledge a commitment to pursuing the high road of politics and that he would approve only positive ads touting the failure of capitalism and the evil, bloodsucking vampirism of his opponent.
The long-awaited Progressive World of Next Tuesday has just gotten closer with the passage of an amendment in Congress that legalizes government propaganda
. What could possibly go wrong with that? It worked so well in the USSR!
Drawing simplified, two-dimensional people on a propaganda poster is the same as flattening individuals under an ideological press, squeezing out and discarding their humanity and leaving some single common trait - class, gender, race, profession, ethnicity - in order to establish a simplified, two-dimensional vision of the world in the minds of target audiences.
Complex, multi-dimensional ideas are not likely to spur large groups of perfect strangers to unite in a swift, coordinated action. That can only be accomplished with a simplified message that isolates a single common characteristic in different people and exaggerates it to the point of existential importance, while suppressing more essential individual characteristics. As the secondary characteristics become primary and vice versa - voila - the individual is being sacrificed to the collective.
Should-be-President-for-life Obama today announced his support for heterosexual marriage, thereby demonstrating continued evolution and making his reelection in November a virtual certainty.
The president told a stunned audience in front of a different garage that he has "no problem with straight people marrying, even if it means they might be punished for it with a baby." He later walked back the latter part, saying the federal government would likely take steps to ensure minimal baby punishments.
Even though he said he endorsed the concept of straight marraige, the president did not announce any new federal initiatives in the matter, saying he preferred to leave the issue up to the states.
While the president's pronouncement was viewed as groundbreaking and momentous, some proponents ...
We all know how the Left makes up bogus sob stories in order to push their agenda by playing on people's feelings. They do it in writing, on film, and occasionally by Photoshopping news footage.
So I thought, why don't we create a series of mock 'shopped images that show the unnecessary suffering of people and defenseless creatures at the hands of the Left? Granted, the suffering they inflict on all of us is immense and it's obvious. Unfortunately, most people are conditioned not to see it, or to attribute the country's problems to other reasons. They only way to provoke public indignation, it seems, is to show them some metaphorical "torture of cute puppies." And if that's the only way to get their attention, let's give it to them.
If I were to write an article about Obama's new slogan. FORWARD, it would have looked just like the one published in FrontPageMag.com
. So all I had to do was illustrate it.
The Obama slogan for 2012 is in and it's "Forward." The left has always been enamored of "Forwardism" or "Progressivism" which mean much the same thing. Before MSNBC had "Lean Forward," Mao had the Great Leap Forward, which killed some 40 million people, far more people than MSNBC can ever dream of tuning in to their programs.
When Lenin wanted to launch his own newspaper, he called it, "Vperod" or "Forward." The name has popped up on the mastheads of left-wing newspapers across the world. It's "Vorwarts" in Germany, "Voorwarts" in the Netherlands and "Ila al-Amam" in the Arab world. Back in New York it's "The Forward."
Well-educated experts in psychology agree that it is healthy and useful for the People's youth to have one or more state-approved imaginary friends. It is important for their future roles as citizens of the state for child-persons to learn to properly document and report suspicious activities conducted by friends, both real and imaginary. Ultimately, the goal is for child-persons to understand that the state is their only true friend.
We bring this up because we are proud to report that Barack Obama once himself had his own imaginary friend. As we all would expect, commensurate with his superior intellect and knowledge of all things great and small, his imaginary friend was also superior in design and execution...
As seen on American Thinker
A recently surfaced video of an EPA official's rant confirms what many of us already knew about the Obama Administration: they fancy themselves as the rulers of conquered territories populated by restless barbarians who must be subjugated at any cost, complete with indiscriminate and severe exemplary punishments.
Al Armendariz, Administrator for EPA's South Central Region (appointed by President Obama on November 5, 2009), thought he was among his cohorts when he said this:
"The Romans used to conquer little villages in the Mediterranean. They'd go into a little Turkish town somewhere, they'd find the first five guys they saw and they would crucify them. And then you know that town was really easy to manage for the next few years."
Our friends at PeoplesGenealogy.com, in cooperation with the current interim provisional government of Kenya and Hawaii, have published their research of Barack Obama's ancestry, starting with the oldest forebear they were able to verify. King Putt
- pharaoh of ancient Egypt during the Sorosian dynasty. He saved his country's economy by spending all of his subjects' money on building a huge pyramid, which housed an indoor golf course. Emperor Nerobama
- set fire to Rome, fiddled while it burned, and blamed it all on the Christians and their "war on women." Robin Hoodie
- popular leader of Occupy Sherwood Forest. After a successful career of stealing from the rich and giving to the poor, he and his wife, Maiden Michelle, retired to a large castle, which they purchased along with about one third of France.
Mitt Romney is rumored to disobey the mainstream media's Hispanic Skin Color Advisory System while vetting vice-presidential candidates. According to experts, the likely Republican VP candidate, Marco Rubio, who is of Cuban descent, is too light-skinned to be considered fully Hispanic, falling under a subprime minority group classification as White Hispanic, or WHISP.
A day of action to save the earth from farmers, ranchers, mining, timber, oil, chemical companies, and anyone else who seeks to utilize the earth's resources to enhance, enrich, and extend the lives of Americans and others worldwide. Characterized by the media's massive awareness drive to (a) remind the world that American capitalists are raping the earth and stealing its riches, thus causing all of the planet's environmental problems; (b) advocate a greater government control of land, resources, and industries; and (c) increase the constantly growing white male guilt levels. A great way to politicize spring cleaning and give an ideological rationalization for the rebirth of nature.
As seen in American Thinker:
This was written when I still lived in Ukraine in the early 1990s. It was intended to be a chapter in a fact-based novel, as yet unpublished. Although the Communist Party had been officially disbanded, it still maintained a firm grip on the country, using every means of manipulation available.
Proponents of leftist ideologies around the world share one common trait: they always demand to be included, but once you let them in, they force everybody else out, while refusing to leave themselves.
Besides the presidential hat, Barack Obama wears many others: TV personality, best-selling author, inspirational speaker. And now he is the host on the new Travel Channel food series Dog, Interrupted
, which focuses on eating dog and other food that defies hypocritical values of bigoted Western civilization.
As he continues to explore every corner of the globe looking to deconstruct the American paradigm, Obama encounters the weird, wild and downright outrageous dog recipes that help define the wonderfully post-modern, post-civilization landscape.
But eating dog is only the first glimpse of multicultural nutrition in faraway lands. Diving headfirst into life's diverse, post-American pageant, Barack tries everything - from snake bile to kangaroo fetus to parasitic fungus growing out of the forehead of a mummified caterpillar...
Insulted by Romney's accusation
of them doing Obama's bidding
, enraged media demand immediate instructions from White House on how to respond.
But it's easy to refute: Mitt Romney's got the Obama-media relationship all wrong. In reality, every time Obama takes a breath, the mainstream media springs into existence.
Caption contest, anyone?
Also meet Ms. Media Bubblehead - the average mainstream media consumer.
As the 100th anniversary of the sinking of the Titanic approaches, new shocking evidence has surfaced that a racist vendetta
was at the epicenter of the disaster.
NBC News is about to release a mostly unedited Morse Code transcript of messages between the Newfoundland Emergency Operator and the Titanic's Captain, George White, moments before the fatal altercation: Operator: Newfoundland SOS, what is your emergency? Titanic: This is George White, skipper of the Titanic. I'm on neighborhood watch in the North Atlantic. It's dark out and I think I see an iceberg. Operator: An iceberg? Can you describe it? Titanic
: It's big.... there's no moon out tonight... It looks black!
This is what happens when women are denied reproductive justice. Male oppression results in female victims giving birth to internal parasites. Without government-funded contraception this could happen to you, too!
Change we should have believed in has arrived. Who would have thought that we would consider it politically correct to envy what others have and feel good about our envy. But daily we hear from our leaders that America has been unfair. Those of us who have (worked for or not) do not deserve whatever it is that we have as long as some undisclosed gap exists between individual wealth accumulations. We are now Biblically responsible for not only keeping our brothers but everybody's brothers. That's a tall order for little old you and me.
One person alone can never fill the void that Breitbart leaves behind. We need thousands of Andrew Breitbarts. We need you to be Andrew Breitbart. I am Andrew Breitbart.
~ Katie O'Malley
With this quote in mind I created designs
that place Andrew Breitbart's face as a heroic symbol of the entire Tea Party and conservative movement. The Left have been successfully using the posterized portraits of Che and Obama to unite and inspire their folowers, all the while glamorizing their fraudulent ideology. Unlike those two, Breitbart was an authentic, charismatic, and tragic hero who fought for real truth and justice. His image inspires us to continue his work and to stand up for his values. If anyone deserves to have his face on T-shirts and posters, it's Andrew.
Who is to say that the beheading of the unbelievers is wrong? Is our civilization worth saving? What kind of a world are we leaving to our children if one can no longer advertise the killing of Jews in American newspapers?
A New York judge will soon resolve these previously unanswered questions in a hearing
brought by a relentless neo-civilizationist Pamela Geller against a group of peaceful fundamentalists from Palestine and neighboring oil-rich countries, as well as American pro-savage activists, whose only fault was to run a series of ads in American cities that call for peace, love, and the destruction of Israel.
"Free speech in America is dead," says bitterly Mohammed Mohammed, the Chief Executions Officer of SupportTheSavage.org
- a radically peaceful website that distributes printed materials showing cardboard cutouts of smiling suicidal Jews next to the words "End U.S. military aid to Israel and push the pig-monkeys into the sea."
Cube's writer at
Within this period we have posted nine million articles that were viewed by sixty billion people in more than three hundred thousand countries. Our stories were quoted on ninety million websites and translated into fifteen thousand languages. Our mailroom workers responded to sixty four million fan emails, and the site membership has exceeded seventy hundred million registered users.
Rumors that this glorious success has been achieved through slave labor, torture, and imprisonment of staff writers, artists, and network engineers are nothing but slanderous bourgeois propaganda. The perpetrators shall be found and properly purged
See previous glorious celebrations >>
YOU MAY ALREADY BE A WINNER in Obama National Redistributors Clearing White House BFD Sweepstakes!
(No qualifications required to enter, win, or do anything whatsoever!) SMALL PRINT: This is not a check. This is a Bill of Goods. You are now in debt in the amount of $15,125,898,976,397.
BARACK OBAMA: a tax on a nation that can't do math.
Maybe you didn't hear me
Don't try to pretend you're out of town or something and don't have email access... I know you're home and I know you read these emails I sent you. Don't play dumb with me.
Now, once more... contribute $3... that's three lousy dollars, less than what you spent on that Caramel Mint Latte at the Starbucks on the corner of 3rd and Maple last Tuesday morning... to our campaign and you'll automatically be entered to have dinner with Barack Obama... he's the PRESIDENT in case you've forgotten... If you DON'T send the money, you WON'T be entered and you'll MISS the chance to have dinner with him. Got it? flushmoneydowntoilet.org
And don't try giving me that "check is in the mail" jazz.
"... he'd owe China $256,000,000 before he reaches puberty." George Soros:
"... he'd own a chauffeured tricycle." Michael Bloomberg:
"... he wouldn't be eating trans fats - or he'd be out of the will." Eric Holder:
"... I'd tell him he was conceived during fast and furious sex, then I'd smuggle him into Mexico." Justice Ruth Ginsberg:
"... I'd send him off to South Africa, they have a better constitution. Anita Dunn:
"... I'd name him Mao Tse-Dunn." Sheriff Joe Arpaio:
"... his birth certificate wouldn't have PDF layers." Rosie O'Donnell:
"... I'd keep him in a cage and train him to attack toupees, and then I'd invite Donald Trump over and open the cage." Charlie Sheen:
"... I'd pay him to go away."
He promised prices would necessarily skyrocket.
Standing on the roof of the White House and squinting through time-bending binoculars recently recovered at Area 51, US President Barack Obama reeled off an unexpectedly frank, contempt-laden indictment of his second term.
Obama became the first human to test the device named "Time-Noculars," which is capable of showing reality four years ahead of time - and he wasn't pleased with what he saw.
Have a family member who takes long morning showers and Refuses To Do Her Part To Save Nature™
? A guilt-free son or husband who loves to tinker with things against the Greater Good™? It's out of their hands now!
The Once-A-Day Flusher's built-in timer allows only one flush per earth revolution (once a day) and cannot be changed to a more "convenient" hour. Your entire family will now be forced to be part of historic International Action To Save The Planet Through Global Synchronized Flushing™
Dual action: it saves shower water too! With Once-A-Day Flusher's organic odors, no one will loiter in the bathroom ever again. It is scrub-scrub, rinse-rinse, then FLEE!
For more than three years, President Obama and his staff of experts have been baffled by his seemingly continuous inability to convey his messages to the public.
"Whether it be jobs, energy, healthcare or whatever, we seem to have a communication problem getting our message across," lamented one ex-staffer who now works on bus undercarriages.
Conspiracy-minded blog readers and chronic Bush Derangement Syndrome victims alike believe a secret technology, likely funded by the Koch Brothers, may be stealthily operating under the People's radar to interfere with and distort the president's messages. In effect, the opposition may be jamming his signal.
10 - To get invited on more cooking shows, and scarf down leftovers during commercial breaks.
9 - So she can sell America on another $10 million vacation.
8 - Letterman is too ignorant to raise a question she might not understand.
7 - Food in the green room is all you can eat.
6 - No other show wouldn't agree to the thin coat of Vaseline on their camera lenses.
5 - National Geographic has no openings this season for any of its nature documentaries.
4 - The guest seat on Leno was too small.
3 - Lockup thinks she's too hateful for their audience's taste.
2 - udge Judy would tell her to shut up and sit down.
1 - After the Rosie O'Donnell debacle, Oprah has finally had it with losers.
Barack Obama now has a new cardboard cutout. Place him on any background and add a message.
For example: This one (left) shows Obama among the Founding Fathers, as he points out their mistakes in establishing only negative rights, i.e., restrictions on the government, and no rights to work, to free healthcare, housing, education, and contraceptives for 30-year-old law students.
FLAT FLOTUS has got a new cardboard cutout made of herself eating, in order to help the mainstream media to raise awareness about her food choices. With this useful journalistic tool, news photographers can now stage any number of friendly, endearing, and highly educational photo ops to illustrate the First Lady's healthy dieting - without ever meeting her or even having to leave the studio!
"We shall fight women on the beaches, we shall fight them on the playgrounds, we shall fight them in the streets, the supermarkets, shopping mall parking lots, we shall never surrender."
- The GOP
The narrative of the WAR ON WOMEN™ is still being created, as the battles rage in the minds of the hired script writers of the DNC-Media Complex. The suffering of the women has already been established, and the war propaganda is flowing seamlessly from the Mainstream Media outlets.
However, the GOP side has been slow on the uptake. That gave us an idea to use old wartime posters from the Motherland to represent the War Machine of the Misogynist Republican Army (the MRA) - solely for the purpose of widening and deepening the ongoing media narrative.
This is a developing project that needs assistance from grassroots volunteers like you! Give us your war tales!
In an age of spin, Carney Barker Bob offers feeling and authenticity. His message is consistent no matter the evidence - and yet he commands daily attention by his on-the-spot, invective-rich variations on the theme. His lunatic counterfactual art is more appealing than the banal awfulness of the Reliable Sources. He is a Method actor in a production that will close in a few months. He stands superior to truth. These are his all-time favorite gems:
"I triple guarantee you, the economy is booming!"
"Forces of capitalism are being slaughtered. They have just lost their beloved trickle-down economics."
"Rebels are being audited."
- Excellent plants that make Republicans look bad
- Plants vs. radio waves: dos and don'ts
- Cleanup tips - it's easier than you think!
- Spreading fertilizer across the fruited plain
70 years of American progress:
- From "We can do it!" to "We can get the government to do it!"
- From "The Great Generation" to "The Grift Generation"
- From Rosie the Riveter to Sandra the Riveted
Did you know that the boy whom Putin kissed learned to fly? Or that Putin can browse the Internet with an abacus? Or that on his birthday critics drop dead from thinking bad thoughts about Putin? Each year spent in the Kremlin makes the Motherland's President stronger, endowing him with more superpowers unbeknownst to man. For years, Party-approved rumors about Putin's supernatural abilities have been spreading over the internet in the Mother tongue. To translate them into the language of soulless capitalist oppressors is an idea whose time has come! If not now, when?
Perhaps you have seen this poster...
It deserves an answer.
Apparently, a century of failure has proven nothing...
Our oil companies have long been working for Muslims to extract their oil, which they couldn't find themselves. Hollywood studios are producing pro-Muslim, anti-American propaganda movies that Muslims couldn't film themselves. And Western politicians are surrendering to them their countries, which Muslims couldn't otherwise conquer. And so on. Giving them our spaceships is just one more stroke of a shovel in leveling the playing field for the Muslims.
This isn't as simple as it may look. While many Muslim enthusiasts are expected to volunteer for space flights, experts predict their lack of willingness to learn about landing procedures. Besides, a complete full-time training may not fit into NASA's recently downsized budget.
We've got a solution: USE CARDBOARD CUTOUTS OF MUSLIMS IN SPACE!
When Andrew Breitbart launched Big Hollywood
website, he emailed me asking to write for them. Later we spoke on the phone and I wound up writing a few pieces on the topic of pop culture.
There have been times when I wanted to call his number again, to talk about life, the universe, and everything. Then I thought, "Breitbart must have a lot on his plate right now, and come to think of it, I'm also in a crunch, so why don't I put down this phone and call him at a better time later." There had always been that "better time" later - until, all over sudden, the time had ended and none was left anymore. Now there will never be a time to talk to Breitbart.
Once the global oil industry was dismantled so as to stop wars for oil, the world plunged into a desperate and seemingly endless global war for algae...
And, as always, progressive protesters rallied in the streets for peace, while proudly carrying indignant signs and chanting anti-war and anti-algae slogans: - Not in my name!
- No blood for algae!
- No war for algae and Empire!
- Stop America's addiction to algae!
- Another generation betrayed by Big Slime!
People's scientists yesterday took a break from their urgent research on how to procure more funding for Climate Change studies, in order to ring the alarm about a new urgent source of anxiety for the masses, which will undoubtedly cause them to demand more state protection: radical rogue asteroids.
One of these provocateurs, code named 2011 AG5
, was recently observed in the vicinity of Washington DC and other national capitals. While analysts believe that most Asteroids are peaceful, their population contains more aggressive elements which are believed to be working on a weapon of mass destruction. If left unchecked, their program could cause major damage to a large city by 2040.
He makes a list and checks it twice. He gives to the naughty what he takes from the nice. He drives from house to house in an armored truck. He is St. Dick, Santa's twin brother.
Awestruck taxpayers greet him with chronologically ordered receipts lest they lose their first dependent. St. Dick wishes them many returns and disappears with their checks until the next jolly tax season.
And here's another heartwarming story of St. Dick and his little helpers, the progs, keeping the spirit of Taxmas™ alive.
Speaking at the University of Miami today, President Obama boldly challenged skyrocketing oil prices by suggesting that we should start using algae instead of gas
"Three years ago I came out with a bold proposal to inflate American tires
, and that alone has diminished our dependency on foreign oil by 83 percent. The remaining 17 percent can be easily made up for with algae - if we can only figure out how to make energy out of that.
"Why algae? Because we've got a lot of it. In fact, as a nation, we're loaded with pretty much everything - take dirt, for example. We have a lot - A LOT of dirt. Except 'dirt' doesn't have the same foreign, cosmopolitan ring to it."
Recent state-wide searches of preschoolers' lunchboxes
have uncovered a high incidence of parent-prepared meals in violation of federal ruling on correct food. This raises concerns, as mommy-made lunches have been known to disrupt NEA-approved brain synapses
in students, causing them to develop unauthorized traits of self-interest and personal responsibility.
An additional DOE-sponsored study has shown that home-made meals end up suppressing such UFT-recommended brain functions
as guilt, envy, and the feeling of entitlement, which are crucial in developing such socially beneficial traits as concern for not taxing the rich enough and generosity in spending other people's money.
"The family is a repository of wrong ideas, archaic values, violence, perversity, and home cooking," says Michelle Obama, who has already made great strides in eliminating parental involvement in their children's lives. "Parents are the scum of history."
Keep socialist pests away with this odor-activated talking device that reads such irritating pre-recorded messages as:
· Life isn't fair.
· Work starts at 7am.
· Why don't you pitch in and help out?
· Grab a shovel or a hammer.
· Remember to shower once a day.
· Progress is not what you think it is.
· Nobody owes you anything.
· The earth is just fine, thank you.
· Obama is not a god.
· Marxism is just an outdated conspiracy theory.
I never saw her look so beautiful. Jay Z:
Be sure you buy my 'Whitney's Dead' t-shirt. Bobby Brown:
Even in death, I still felt like beating her up. Puff Daddy:
See? She didn't vote -- and now she's dead. Bill Maher:
Drug addict, lousy mother – but she was still cool, just like Barack Obama. Jon Stewart:
It honestly wouldn't surprise me if conservatives did this to her.
Barack Obama, tweeting:
Whitney, I will avenge Romney's unspeakable crime against you. Al Sharpton:
Barack is wrong. The damn Jews killed Whitney. Anybody seen my car?
For poet and civil rights activist Maya Angelou, Barack Obama has delivered. In a recent interview to The Guardian
, she, now 83, spared no epithets for Obama's detractors and unbelievers: "I think he has done a remarkable job, knowing how much he has been opposed," she said. "Every suggestion he makes, the Republicans en masse fight against him or don't vote at all." It's about him being a Democrat and being the first black president, she said.
After the media left, the veteran poet climbed a stool and erupted into a rhymed, spontaneous, heroic epic. Thankfully, there was no one in the room to hear it except for our undercover contributor, Robert Fine, who was just finishing his shift posing as a caged bird. His transcript follows:
The White House is denying reports
that the U.S. First Lady Michelle Obama had joined the Queen of Qatar on a high-end shopping spree in New York, spending $50,000 at a luxury lingerie boutique, closing off Madison Avenue and loading the presidential truck with $600 corsets and thongs from the Agent Provocateur store
- at a time when most Americans can hardly afford Hanes underwear.
Director of communications for Michelle Obama called this story "100 per cent false, " claiming that the First Lady only stopped briefly to buy
herself a fitted baseball hat and a pair of yellow construction boots. "The lingerie was intended for the Second Lady of the United States, who trusts the First Lady's impeccable expertise in executive undergarments," she said.
Now that Obama has started quoting Jesus, the toiling masses need a special chart in order to understand the Bible and what those passages really mean in progressive, Obamunist terms. So I made such a chart for you: the kinder, gentler, smarter, less embarassing version of the Bible. Enjoy!
- The Organic Garden of Eden
- Pharaoh Has Two Mummies
- What Happens in Sodom and Gomorrah Stays in Sodom and Gomorrah
- Noah Builds Ark to Survive Global Warming
- Jonah Saves the Whale
- David Appeases Goliath
- The Bilingual Writing on the Wall
- The Tower of Babel & The Controlled Demolition Theory
- Uncle Samson & The NY Times Reporter Delilah
- Judas The ACLU Lawyer
- Joseph & Mary Celebrate Holiday Season By Donating Fetus To Federal Embryonic Stem Cell Bank
- Government Program Feeds The Multitudes with Five "Whole Grain" Loaves And Two Non-Endangered Fishes
Following Nancy Pelosi's endorsement
, Planned Parenthood has completed its long-overdue merger with the Girl Scouts organization, which conservative critics have labeled "hostile takeover." Below is the cover of the first joint issue of The American Girl magazine - featuring a photo of Speaker Pelosi teaching girls how to handle a scalpel - and sporting the following titles:
• Be Prepared with Thin-Mint-flavored chewable birth control pills
• Who's NOT planning to be a parent at twelve?
• ABORTION: We do it for the children
• Whether you are an aborter or an abortee - we support diversity!
• Girl Scout Scalpel: Do a Good Turn Daily!
This issue is free* with a purchase of Thank U Berry Munch condoms, courtesy of the U.S. Federal Government.
* Sponsored by Tagalongs Peanut Butter Flavored Condoms.
A landmark study by a major university today found the Law of Gravity is selectively enforced and that the heaviest burden tended to fall on members of disadvantaged and oppressed socio-economic groups.
Professor Omar Amabo, Chief Community Organizer and Chair of the Victimology Department at the University of East Angrya recently concluded the decades-long study and revealed the results at a national press conference today. They showed that while it is true that members of disadvantaged socio-economic groups tended to have heavier body weights than priviledged groups, this was not due to bad eating habits and lack of exercise as previously thought but rather a systematic and coordinated over-zealous selective enforcement of gravitational statutes.
A little improvement on the latest Newsweek coverasking "Why Obama's Critics Are So Dumb?"
Indeed, the fools can't see how great his new clothes look!
In addition to being world's best T-shirt salesman, comrade Che Guevara has recently gained fame of, perhaps, world's best car salesman - or at least best car salesman at Mercedes Benz, where he was also honored with a prestigious Employee of the Month Award and a commemorative plaque.
Three extra-ration cheers to Che! Let's help our comrade sell even more cars, thus infiltrating the heart of capitalist, oil-driven, industrialized Western civilization.
How? Let's collectively generate new great car-selling slogans! After all, in the glorious communist future, the Party elites will need most equal cars from the most equal manufacturer!
The People's Cube enters history once again, this time in the form of illustrations for an academic book on copyright law by Kenneth D. Crews, PhD, a professor at Columbia Law School in New York.
Copyright Law for Librarians and Educators
Creative Strategies and Practical Solutions
American Library Association - Chicago 2012
As copyright goes, Mr. Crews requested the permission to use our images
first, which has been granted. After a few emails I received an autographed copy of his book - many thanks! He even suggested a meeting over a cup of coffee in the city, but unfortunately I left town. Too bad - we have a lot to discuss!