The People's Cube Archive: January - December 2011
Twas an Occupy Christmas, when all through Zuccotti
Not a creature was stirring, not even the naughty.
Their demands were all sorted and stacked with care,
In hopes that Obama Claus soon would be there.
The Progs lay smug in their makeshift beds,
While hopes of entitlements danced in their heads.
Adorned by those cool proletarian caps,
Most had to sleep near where Comrades had crapped.
When somewhere nearby there arose such a clatter,
They sprang to the street to see what was the matter.
And straight to the barricade bound'ries they dashed,
In hopes their dealer had brought some more hash.
The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow
Gave the lustre of mid-day to the filth below.
Then what to their wandering eyes grew near,
A red-suited man in a limo appeared.
He was pulled by eight donkeys so stubborn and slow,
They knew twas Obama Claus promising dough.
'Cross Broad Street to Wall St. while braying they came,
Spurred-on by Obama Claus calling their names!
How did the ancient mass media report the alleged birth of Christ? The People's Cube prepared the following compilation of quotes from the Roman and Judean sources, which should help our readers to form an unbiased opinion of what really happened in the days surrounding the so-called Christmas...
Click here for a larger image
MORE EARLY MEDIA REPORTS ON CHRISTMAS >>
Ernesto Che Guevara sold 100,000,000 T-shirts this year alone! He's world's greatest T-shirt salesman. Come on, trust-fund college kid! Be a non-conformist because everybody else is! Being popular is so elfin' hard. Che shirt = instant recognition. Viva la merchandise!
Who's your daddy? Have yourself a nice progressive Christmas!
WATCH VIDEO HERE >>
What better way is there to remember a communist leader than by wearing a t-shirt that proves our compliance with the government quota on t-shirt purchases - ahead of schedule!
Let's defend from disbelievers Dear Leader's commitment to government control by saying "I bought this t-shirt before he was dead," meaning that his very death had been part of this Five Year Plan, strategically earmarked by the Central Planning Committee for the end of the final quarter of this fiscal year.
Nothing happens in this world without Government's approval. The word of Government is perfect; its truth is eternal; it cannot be touched by man, woman, nor a transgendered person. The will of Government is always done, and it is revealed to us through Central Planning, whose infallibility we honor by saying "I bought this t-shirt before he was dead."
seen on Pajamas Media [PROG OFF]
A sphinxlike Russian newscaster Tatiana Limanova has flipped a "bird" while
pronouncing Barack Obama's name on the Russian REN TV - the country's largest
privately owned channel. The video
this exotic event is spreading like wildfire over the Internet as if it were
a UFO sighting, causing Americans to question the algorithm of Hillary's "reset" button.
As a Russian speaker I have received quite a few emails asking for the translation
of the lovely anchorwoman's segment.
SPECIAL THANKSGIVING ISSUE (FROM THE PEOPLE'S ARCHIVES):
During Thanksgiving, as 99% of American toiling masses traditionally give thanks to the government for what it has taken from the 1% and distributed to them, all conscientious members of the 99% community are required to experience the following emotions:
Last Thursday a flying saucer landed in my backyard. A friendly, if slightly disoriented alien pilot told me he needed a drink. I had just what he wanted, since this was Thanksgiving and all.
His name was Ollie and he came to Earth looking for an honest, self-reliant, optimistic, and technically inclined nation that could benefit from a contact with his more advanced civilization.
"Whoa, whoa!" I raised my finger. "To call yourself advanced you must take at least three diversity training classes. What planet are you from, really?"
Let me, Dear God, shift the paradigm on this Thanksgiving and blissfully give thanks for the gift of government, and thank the government for the gift of taxes. Bless my taxes, O God! Give me peace of mind as I rejoice in filling out forms and returning money to its rightful owner, the government. Keep me joyous, I pray, as I write out those checks. Yea, Lord, we know that there is little reason to be joyous with this Administration's imperialism and impending rape of the Iranian peaceful energy program, but the thought of a new tax year still brings to us a swelling tear of joy. And whisper to me, Lord, all the good reasons that I send my money to my government every year.
IN RELATED NEWS:
Help me out, comrades! What are some other reasons that would compel an Occupier to cross the road?
- Because his Mom called and said, "It's time to come home, honey."
- Because 'Ketchup' broke her glasses during a fit of righteous crying and had to go to Lynz-Krafterz
- Because some radicals thought "free love" meant "unsolicited surprise sex"
- Because three homeless guys were occupying his tent "Help, police..."
- Because a few "more-equal-than-thous" (aka, Party people) appropriated [sic, smoked up] his stach for the Greater Good™ -- he had to score another bag of kind bud
- Because the police car looked like a port-o-john
A new poll taken of the political class elites reveals that the public's approval rating has fallen to a new low with only 3% of the cream of society expressing satisfaction with the public's performance. This is down from 97% in January 2009, when the transformative President Obama took office.
The rating is compiled by a scientific sample of 1000 of the country's best and brightest political leaders, journalists, academics, celebrities, and other 99 per-centers whose views run the gamut of the political spectrum from liberal to very, very liberal.
This Friday (11-11-11) was the airing of the premiere episode of GBTV
's new comedy show The B.S. of A.
hosted by Brian Sack
in New York. I was the featured guest, answering Brian's questions about Shakedown Socialism
. Judging by the feedback from the audience it went well, even though I didn't get the chance to say any of the prepared jokes and my time ended faster than I could say "The People's Cube."
"Lord of the Flies" is the label our enemies in the right-wing media are trying to attach to our comrades in the OWS trenches. Our failure to suppress daily reports of rape, theft, infighting, heroin dealing, underage prostitution, and public fornication at various Occupy camps enables the corporate media propagandists to attach snarky, partisan memes to our glorious movement. What they don't realize - and we aren't going to tell them - is that it is all part of the master plan.
Armed with the invincible Marxist doctrine, the shadow commissars behind the Occupy movement know full well that the old capitalist system must come crumbling down before a new Progressive world can occupy its place. And Occupy rallies are not only our tools to bring down capitalism - they are also a laboratory of new progressive lifestyles: this is what the final revolution will look like.
In the glorious spirit of erstwhile Protest Warriors
and Communists for Kerry
, disorganized multitudes of pro-capitalist miscreants and saboteurs are getting organized again! MeetLiberate Wall Street
- a loose coalition of the willing to mock, satirize, and expose the leftist absurdities of the Wall Street Occupussies.
In a belated expression of remorse for the nuclear strikes on Hiroshima and Nagasaki sixty six years ago, President Obama has authorized the Army to launch apologetic nuclear strikes on two American cities. The selection of cities is not final, but they will most likely be Dallas and Houston in a nod to the Democratic desire to attack cities in a "red" state prior to national elections.
After Tokyo had denied Obama's bid
to go to Hiroshima to publicly apologize for America’s dropping the bomb there, Obama reportedly sought advice from his staff about an alternative way to turn America's victory in WWII into a matter of national humiliation.
Our records show that you have not yet made your contribution to President Obama's Reelection Campaign Fund. The good news is, it's not too late for you to do so. It is very important that you send your contribution in as soon as possible, and forward this to everyone in your e-mail address book. If you break the chain, bad luck will befall you in less than a week. Samantha K. of Cincinnati, OH broke the chain, and the FBI found her stash of child pornography on her office PC.
Comrade Red Square takes visual agitation to Colorado, where he visually agitates the locals, calls for the revolution, and yes - shakes them down!
Sponsored and organized by Colorado Springs Liberty on the Rocks
, a Grassroots Freedom Movement: "Tavern-style politics and activism in the
tradition of our
Predictably, the signs and flyers at the Occupy Wall Street protest mostly contain weak pansy drivel that betrays the limited mind of the spoiled bourgeois intelligentsia. These writers are limited in ideas and in the will to kill for those ideas.
But we here at the Party Organ have no such limitations. Our slogan is and has always been:
WE CURE WEAK LIBERALISM WITH STRONG COMMUNISM!
Use this thread to post short and vigorous samples of korrekt revolutionary writing for the young Occupussies™ to learn from!
Ever since he was in third grade, Barack Obama wanted to become president. It all began one sunny day, when he had placed a large magnifying glass over an anthill and immediately realized his power over small creatures.
That's when it dawned at him that taking care of the small people couldn't be much different. He later summoned help of a magician
who helped the child to make his dream come true.
After Barack became president, he realized, to his great joy, that in addition to the small people he now also had the power to focus on large and small businesses, factories, financial institutions, and the economy in general.
But there's more - Barack has learned to train his focus on the world arena! His favorite international targets are America's closest allies, especially Israel, as well as US troops serving in Iraq and Afghanistan.
As President Obama's re-election campaign progresses, The Party™ is expected further to raise awareness of the American public with the race rhetoric against Republicans and the Tea Party.
However, Black conservatives like Herman Cain and Allen West have been countering The Party's compassionate and open-minded smear efforts by speaking about the Liberal Plantation like it's a bad thing. We can not tolerate these traitorous actions.
In order to prevent any further defections, The Party is offering cash rewards of vast unknown amounts to anyone who captures and returns any proven or suspected runaways from the Liberal Plantation.
Now we need a dictatorship to know what the new constitution will be.
- Nancy Pelosi
I’m so happy with your commitment to reducing America to ashes that my anger at watching you take credit for my books has almost dissipated.
- Bill Ayers
Mr. Obama, where were you 2006 when I needed you?
- Saddam Hussein
Barack, you are truly the retarded son I never had. With you being president of the United States, even at my age, I believe I will relive the glory of my days working with the Nazis.
- George Soros
The Zimbabwe State Travel Agency is proud to announce a brand new product!
It is some time since we pioneered the innovative Asylum Tours to Britain
that included complimentary British Citizenship and free Unemployment Benefits, Healthcare, Education and Baby Formula for Life.
We have now improved our excellent track record with another innovation in the travel industry: London Affirmative Shopping Tours!
This tour package includes: Air fare and airport taxes, three nights in Tottenham, two in Clapham and guided All Night Tours to the best Affirmative Shopping spots London has to offer.
Special offer: If you book immediately you will also receive 1 complimentary brick, a 500ml Coke bottle filled with petrol and a rag so that you can start shopping immediately!
This is an offer that is to good to miss! Phone our call centre right away!
Some argue that Adolf Hitler is a bit... well, narcissistic. But his ego really went to his head this weekend when he took things a bit too far and went on another one of his infamous profanity-laced rants about being underappreciated and misunderstood. That didn't go over well with anyone - especially when he compared himself to Kanye West
"I walk through the hotel and I walk down the street, and people look at me like I'm (expletive) insane, like I'm Kanye West," he said. "One day the light will shine through and one day people will understand everything I ever did," Hitler said, drawing boos and negative energy from the crowd who were there to snack on beer and pretzels, and not to listen to a sociopath with an ego the size of Reichstag.
WASHINGTON -- President Barack Obama came out swinging Monday in his first public remarks since S&P downgrade of U.S. creditworthiness, congratulating Americans on achieving a moral victory by redistributing the unfairly gained superior AAA rating to the less fortunate and more deserving countries, some of whom don't even have an alphabet.
Calling the loss of an 'A' a "shared sacrifice" and "exercise in global economic justice," Obama went on to explain that our loss is someone else's gain and that we must have less so they have more is an idea worth fighting for...
As seen on Pajamas Media
< OFF KARAKTER >
Pamela Geller has been a great personal friend and a fan of The People's Cube since its inception, so I had the pleasure of congratulating her personally on the publication of her second book, Stop the Islamization of America: A Practical Guide for the Resistance
But there's more: the back cover has a photo of Pamela that I took with my own camera at last year's 9/11 AFDI/SIOA Rally of Remembrance near Ground Zero, and posted
on The People's Cube the following day.
Have you ever bought into a feel-good political idea and then discovered that the outcome is different from expected, and the side effects are even worse?
That would not be happening if politicians, like businesses, needed to stick to truth in advertising. We prepared some samples of political ads promoting feel-good ideas while at the same time keeping it honest.
Every day President Obama is freeing toiling masses from the bonds of wage slavery. An ever growing number of former oil rig, construction, and retail workers, who once toiled under the yoke of capitalist oppression, have now heroically joined with liberated multitudes whose daily wants and needs are provided by the government.
In just three years Obama has emancipated 12 million former wage earners, adding them to the glorious Food Stamp program - that is a victorious 38% increase for a total of 44 million. No longer exploited for their labor, these men and women are free to live a sparse life without the stress of unnecessary choices, or the burden of supporting the decadent consumer society. Those who once were mere cogs in the monstrous capitalist planet-raping machine, now can enjoy a guilt-free life of government dependency.
As impressive as Obama's success has been, there still remain those who are bitterly clinging to self-reliance - a debilitation condition caused by false consciousness...
Chavez in Moore's new movie:
"I'd rather die for Socialism than
live through capitalist exploitation
Caracas, Venezuela -- Michael Moore has announced his latest explosive documentary: Hugo Chavez, Martyr to Socialized Medicine
...When the symptoms worsened for the embattled President of Venezuela, this true advocate of socialized medicine went to get treatment in Cuba. The island's Chief Surgeon Rafael Bernardo explains: "When we first operated on President Chavez we'd thought he had an abscessed Wish Bone - a misdiagnosis caused by the criminal Yankee war of imperialism and the inhuman blockade of Cuba. After several unsuccessful operations on a Funny Bone, his Spare Ribs, and Water on the Knee we realized Chavez had cancer of the Bread Basket."
General Secretary called me today with an important question. If we must spearhead the campaign to get Obama reelected in 2012, should we once again use the word CHANGE in our visual agitation?
Wouldn't that mean that we're changing the change we've already been blessed with? Wouldn't two consecutive changes work as a double negative, canceling each other out? What is the result of changing change? And what would be the result of not changing change?
Further deliberations led us to believe that the outcome in either case will be THE SAME! Let me illustrate it with these formulae:
CHANGE + CHANGE = THE SAME
CHANGE - CHANGE = THE SAME
FROM THE PEOPLE'S ARCHIVES:
4th of July on the People's Blog:
On the Fourth of July Americans will be cynically celebrating the greatest setback world progress has ever endured in all of human history. The rest of humankind will, of course, be grieving over the dark day when the United States of America was born. To understand the full scope of this tragedy we must look back at the pre-7/04 world and see what it was like to live on planet Earth before 1776.
Prior to July 4, 1776, not a single person in the world starved, got sick, worked hard for a living, or experienced any pain and anxiety. No one had ever been oppressed or unfairly exploited because the oppressive and unfair American system had not yet been created.
Get ready for a contest! That's right - in addition to Flat Gareth
, Flat Fatima
, Flat Floozy
, and other popular cardboard cutouts of yore, we have created Flat Flotus
- extracted from a glorious picture
of Lady Mo wielding a mean shovel.
Now anyone with minimal graphic skills can create compelling images of Flat Flotus on meaningful backgrounds, thus helping the media to deliver the Current Truth to the credulous masses.IOTW is already running a complementary contest
. We'll cross-post their entries below.
Osama Bin Laden: The Current Truth and Retrospective
EXPERT ADVICE TO THE MASSES (FROM THE PEOPLE'S ARCHIVES)
DETROIT, MICHIGAN - Post-May Day depression is a growing malady that affects many progressives and pro-Communists each year, usually beginning late in the afternoon on May 1 and continuing until the morning of the next May Day. For some, it is a result of too much sign-making and short-range marching with very few people giving a crap. Many left-wing agitators in the
United States and other free nations have mild symptoms, but others are subjected to an almost paralyzing agony.
This article shows how dejected collectivists around the world can combat May Day depression by just taking a few simple precautions.
In addition to the recent announcement
by DC comics that Superman will soon renounce his U.S. citizenship, this mass culture hero's reconnection with his Progressive roots
will usher in other remarkable changes.
Out: Truth, Justice, and The American Way.
In: Diversity, Social Justice, and The Progressive Way.
In: Super Non-Gender-Specific Person.
Out: Fortress of Solitude.
In: Fortress of The Collective (offering sanctuary to other illegals).
Out: Justice League.
In: International Justice Union of Public Service Superheroes.
The compromise achieved Friday night to avoid government shutdown spells both good news and bad news for the progressive movement.
The bad news is that a record $40 billion will no longer be at our disposal at the Central Planning Committee, and the Democrats will not be able to blame the Republicans for the hardships that, regretfully, the working families will not endure.
Such is the hard lesson in the permanent disorder of Washington’s politics.
But there's also the good news...
April 1: The People Cube is Six Years Old!
Cube's writer at
Within this period we have posted nine million articles that were viewed by sixty billion people in more than three hundred thousand countries. Our stories were quoted on ninety million websites and translated into fifteen thousand languages. Our mailroom workers responded to sixty four million fan emails, and the site membership has exceeded seventy hundred million registered users.
Rumors that this glorious success has been achieved through slave labor, torture, and imprisonment of staff writers, artists, and network engineers are nothing but slanderous bourgeois propaganda. The perpetrators shall be found and properly purged
See previous glorious celebrations >>
Classics from the Cube
The People Cube's Greatest Hits (in no particular order)
APRIL FOOLS DAY IN PEOPLE'S CUBE HISTORY
- Federal Reserve Chairman Nancy Pelosi announces Quantitative Easing #56; "Ben would have wanted it this way," she declared with teary eyes
- Chinese consumers complain about atrocious manners and lack of basic Mandarin grammar at U.S. call centers
- EU Chairman Muhammed ibn-Sultan calls in NATO troops to quell rebellion of Christians in northern England
- UN Security Council condemns Israel for not undertaking any military operations for over three months, "which is evidence of secret preparations to conquer the Arab countries"
- Gold hits $1 million per ounce, still holding at price of a good men’s suit
Our speech to the workers and peasants of Lehigh Valley in Pennsylvania delivered on Feb. 4, 2011 - now in 3D and digitally remastered to enhance the optical illusions of redistributive justice.
Includes never before seen episodes of standing ovation, as well as previously excluded scenes of conspicuous consumption of beet vodka and potatoes during the afterparty that followed.
From the same people who brought you Stimulus, WTF, Sputnik Moment, and Eat Your Broccoli...
A heart-wrenching international blockbuster of our times:Cairo Time
Starring Hosni Mubarak, Barack Obama, and Hillary Clinton.
Sometimes you need to forget about national interests and remember your heart...
"A love triangle that in 3-D looks like a pyramid..." - The New York Times
President Obama's characterization of this time in American history as "our generation's Sputnik moment" was a call to action for the sympathetic media
to enlighten the incredulous public about the true meaning of the Sputnik allegory. Experts have been interviewed, angles worked, and metaphorical shovels swung - throwing our way lumps of relevant historical rubble. But they mostly just scratched the surface; no one dared dig all the way to the bottom of the Sputnik phenomenon.
So we pulled some strings in the Motherland and arranged an interview with Comrade Khrush, who witnessed the launching of Sputnik while working with the Soviet Space Program as the official dog catcher, supplying canines to test the safety of space exploration before sending humans into orbit.
As seen in Pajamas Media
The two women who showed up early for my book signing at a small bookstore in Houston, TX, never even bothered to open my book. Wearing knowing smiles, they engaged me in a bizarre discussion that wound up leaping all around the known and unknown universe. They hadn't the slightest curiosity about my ideas as an ex-Soviet immigrant in America, or what I had to say about my experience working inside the two ideologically opposed systems. As it turned out, they had spotted my flyer in the store window the day before, and the book's title - Shakedown Socialism
- had enraged them so much that they decided to return the following day and give me a piece of their collective mind.
Their act almost made me feel as if I were back in the USSR, where the harassment of people with my opinions was the norm. The shorter, pudgier woman was the soloist bully, while her skinnier, older comrade provided backup vocals and noise effects.