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Twas an Occupy Christmas, when all through Zuccotti
Ernesto Che Guevara sold 100,000,000 T-shirts this year alone! He's world's greatest T-shirt salesman. Come on, trust-fund college kid! Be a non-conformist because everybody else is! Being popular is so elfin' hard. Che shirt = instant recognition. Viva la merchandise!
Who's your daddy? Have yourself a nice progressive Christmas!
What better way is there to remember a communist leader than by wearing a t-shirt that proves our compliance with the government quota on t-shirt purchases - ahead of schedule!
Let's defend from disbelievers Dear Leader's commitment to government control by saying "I bought this t-shirt before he was dead," meaning that his very death had been part of this Five Year Plan, strategically earmarked by the Central Planning Committee for the end of the final quarter of this fiscal year.
Nothing happens in this world without Government's approval. The word of Government is perfect; its truth is eternal; it cannot be touched by man, woman, nor a transgendered person. The will of Government is always done, and it is revealed to us through Central Planning, whose infallibility we honor by saying "I bought this t-shirt before he was dead."
As
seen on Pajamas Media [PROG OFF] SPECIAL THANKSGIVING ISSUE (FROM THE PEOPLE'S ARCHIVES):Thanksgiving With A Space Alien Last Thursday a flying saucer landed in my backyard. A friendly, if slightly disoriented alien pilot told me he needed a drink. I had just what he wanted, since this was Thanksgiving and all.
His name was Ollie and he came to Earth looking for an honest, self-reliant, optimistic, and technically inclined nation that could benefit from a contact with his more advanced civilization. "Whoa, whoa!" I raised my finger. "To call yourself advanced you must take at least three diversity training classes. What planet are you from, really?" Progressive Thanksgiving Prayer: Blessing of the Taxes![]() Let me, Dear God, shift the paradigm on this Thanksgiving and blissfully give thanks for the gift of government, and thank the government for the gift of taxes. Bless my taxes, O God! Give me peace of mind as I rejoice in filling out forms and returning money to its rightful owner, the government. Keep me joyous, I pray, as I write out those checks. Yea, Lord, we know that there is little reason to be joyous with this Administration's imperialism and impending rape of the Iranian peaceful energy program, but the thought of a new tax year still brings to us a swelling tear of joy. And whisper to me, Lord, all the good reasons that I send my money to my government every year. IN RELATED NEWS:
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A new poll taken of the political class elites reveals that the public's approval rating has fallen to a new low with only 3% of the cream of society expressing satisfaction with the public's performance. This is down from 97% in January 2009, when the transformative President Obama took office.
This Friday (11-11-11) was the airing of the premiere episode of GBTV's new comedy show The B.S. of A. hosted by Brian Sack in New York. I was the featured guest, answering Brian's questions about Shakedown Socialism. Judging by the feedback from the audience it went well, even though I didn't get the chance to say any of the prepared jokes and my time ended faster than I could say "The People's Cube." 

In a belated expression of remorse for the nuclear strikes on Hiroshima and Nagasaki sixty six years ago, President Obama has authorized the Army to launch apologetic nuclear strikes on two American cities. The selection of cities is not final, but they will most likely be Dallas and Houston in a nod to the Democratic desire to attack cities in a "red" state prior to national elections.
Our records show that you have not yet made your contribution to President Obama's Reelection Campaign Fund. The good news is, it's not too late for you to do so. It is very important that you send your contribution in as soon as possible, and forward this to everyone in your e-mail address book. If you break the chain, bad luck will befall you in less than a week.
Predictably, the signs and flyers at the Occupy Wall Street protest mostly contain weak pansy drivel that betrays the limited mind of the spoiled bourgeois intelligentsia. These writers are limited in ideas and in the will to kill for those ideas.
Ever since he was in third grade, Barack Obama wanted to become president. It all began one sunny day, when he had placed a large magnifying glass over an anthill and immediately realized his power over small creatures. After Barack became president, he realized, to his great joy, that in addition to the small people he now also had the power to focus on large and small businesses, factories, financial institutions, and the economy in general.
But there's more - Barack has learned to train his focus on the world arena! His favorite international targets are America's closest allies, especially Israel, as well as US troops serving in Iraq and Afghanistan.
As President Obama's re-election campaign progresses, The Party™ is expected further to raise awareness of the American public with the race rhetoric against Republicans and the Tea Party.Â
Now we need a dictatorship to know what the new constitution will be.Â
The Zimbabwe State Travel Agency is proud to announce a brand new product!
Some argue that Adolf Hitler is a bit... well, narcissistic. But his ego really went to his head this weekend when he took things a bit too far and went on another one of his infamous profanity-laced rants about being underappreciated and misunderstood. That didn't go over well with anyone - especially when he compared himself to Kanye West."I walk through the hotel and I walk down the street, and people look at me like I'm (expletive) insane, like I'm Kanye West," he said. "One day the light will shine through and one day people will understand everything I ever did," Hitler said, drawing boos and negative energy from the crowd who were there to snack on beer and pretzels, and not to listen to a sociopath with an ego the size of Reichstag.
WASHINGTON -- President Barack Obama came out swinging Monday in his first public remarks since S&P downgrade of U.S. creditworthiness, congratulating Americans on achieving a moral victory by redistributing the unfairly gained superior AAA rating to the less fortunate and more deserving countries, some of whom don't even have an alphabet. 
That would not be happening if politicians, like businesses, needed to stick to truth in advertising. We prepared some samples of political ads promoting feel-good ideas while at the same time keeping it honest.

Every day President Obama is freeing toiling masses from the bonds of wage slavery. An ever growing number of former oil rig, construction, and retail workers, who once toiled under the yoke of capitalist oppression, have now heroically joined with liberated multitudes whose daily wants and needs are provided by the government.
General Secretary called me today with an important question. If we must spearhead the campaign to get Obama reelected in 2012, should we once again use the word CHANGE in our visual agitation? Further deliberations led us to believe that the outcome in either case will be THE SAME! Let me illustrate it with these formulae:
CHANGE + CHANGE = THE SAME
CHANGE - CHANGE = THE SAME

On the Fourth of July Americans will be cynically celebrating the greatest setback world progress has ever endured in all of human history. The rest of humankind will, of course, be grieving over the dark day when the United States of America was born. To understand the full scope of this tragedy we must look back at the pre-7/04 world and see what it was like to live on planet Earth before 1776. Prior to July 4, 1776, not a single person in the world starved, got sick, worked hard for a living, or experienced any pain and anxiety. No one had ever been oppressed or unfairly exploited because the oppressive and unfair American system had not yet been created.
Get ready for a contest! That's right - in addition to Flat Gareth, Flat Fatima, Flat Floozy, and other popular cardboard cutouts of yore, we have created Flat Flotus - extracted from a glorious picture of Lady Mo wielding a mean shovel.
DETROIT, MICHIGAN - Post-May Day depression is a growing malady that affects many progressives and pro-Communists each year, usually beginning late in the afternoon on May 1 and continuing until the morning of the next May Day. For some, it is a result of too much sign-making and short-range marching with very few people giving a crap. Many left-wing agitators in the
United States and other free nations have mild symptoms, but others are subjected to an almost paralyzing agony.
This article shows how dejected collectivists around the world can combat May Day depression by just taking a few simple precautions.
In addition to the recent announcement by DC comics that Superman will soon renounce his U.S. citizenship, this mass culture hero's reconnection with his Progressive roots will usher in other remarkable changes.
The compromise achieved Friday night to avoid government shutdown spells both good news and bad news for the progressive movement. 
See previous glorious celebrations >>
International Workers Fools Day![]() |
Islamic Fools Day![]() |
Our speech to the workers and peasants of Lehigh Valley in Pennsylvania delivered on Feb. 4, 2011 - now in 3D and digitally remastered to enhance the optical illusions of redistributive justice.
Includes never before seen episodes of standing ovation, as well as previously excluded scenes of conspicuous consumption of beet vodka and potatoes during the afterparty that followed.
From the same people who brought you Stimulus, WTF, Sputnik Moment, and Eat Your Broccoli...
President Obama's characterization of this time in American history as "our generation's Sputnik moment" was a call to action for the sympathetic media to enlighten the incredulous public about the true meaning of the Sputnik allegory. Experts have been interviewed, angles worked, and metaphorical shovels swung - throwing our way lumps of relevant historical rubble. But they mostly just scratched the surface; no one dared dig all the way to the bottom of the Sputnik phenomenon.
So we pulled some strings in the Motherland and arranged an interview with Comrade Khrush, who witnessed the launching of Sputnik while working with the Soviet Space Program as the official dog catcher, supplying canines to test the safety of space exploration before sending humans into orbit.
As seen in Pajamas Media
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Dems claim their attacks on Haley, Palin, Ann Romney are not "War on Conservative Women," but rather "Domestic Feminist Contingency Operation"
Biden launches his 2012 campaign to get thrown off ticket by blaming Tea Party for bad economy
Obama to Cory Booker: a mind is a terrible thing to use
Summer dead; Gore blames climate change
In attempt to recover $2 billion loss, JP Morgan Chase renames itself Chasebook
Poll: Progressive slogan 'We should be more like Europe' most popular with members of American Nazi Party
As election campaign heats up, Obama promises students to forgive their sins
Study: 99% of Liberals give the rest a bad name
Democrat geneologists: every time you drop litter on highway, Elizabeth Warren sheds a single tear
Democrat strategist: without government supervision, women would have never evolved into humans
Michelle: My stick is bigger than Barack's
Breaking news: one year later, Bin Laden still dead
Obama in Afghanistan: American chicken is going home to roost
Elizabeth Warren claims kinship to Sitting Bull; receives Indian name of Lying Cow
Obama: Killing one terrorist is a triumph, killing millions of jobs is a statistic
May Day: Anarchists plan, schedule, synchronize, and execute a coordinated campaign against all of the above
Study: North Korean Army threats as credible as White House news briefings
Obama to Congress: my government, my business
WH news briefing cut short after Jay Carney's pants spontaneously self-combust
Catholic Bishops order supersize confession booth for James Carney
Romney campaign requests Obama's fourth-grade book report on World of Dogs; Obama says, 'I ate it'
Insulted by Romney's accusation of them doing Obama's bidding, enraged media demand immediate instructions from White House on how to respond
Hillary in Colombian bar: Read my hips!
Planned Parenthood introduces Frequent Flucker reward card: 'Come again soon!'
Obama: If I had a mother, she'd look like Trayvon Martin's
Study: Ozzie Guillen's beatdown by U.S. media not as bad as beatdown in Cuban prison for speaking out
Olbermann: "They fired me for wearing a hoodie!"
Cheney gets new heart; nation also hopeful that Biden gets brain, Obama courage, and House drops on Pelosi
Trayvor Martin shooting causes fear of backlash among Latinos with old-Jewish-guy names
In effort to escape vigilante justice, George Zimmerman changes name to George Dylan
Larry Sinclair: : If I had a son, he'd look like Barack Obama
Secretary of Energy Steven Chu: due to energy conservation, the light at the end of the tunnel will be switched off
To raise awareness about how unattractive respiratory disorders can be, Obama's FDA bans over-the-counter sales of asthma inhalers
Turning disaster into success, Disney renames failing "John Carter" movie to "John Reagan"
Voters Without Borders oppose Texas new voter ID law
Hamas: Israeli air defense unfair to 99% of our missiles, "only 1% allowed to reach Israel"
UN: Iron Dome system in Israel too successful, may cause humanitarian crisis as desperate Gaza officials are forced to divert funds from education and healthcare in order to compensate for destroyed missiles
People's Cube gives itself Hero of Socialist Labor medal in recognition of continued expert advice provided to the Obama Administration helping to shape its foreign and domestic policies
Whitney Houston and Elvis seen at Obama fundraiser
Obama congratulates Putin on Chicago-style election outcome
Battle of the Fluke: Dept. of Health and Human Services jumps into the fray by changing emblem from "Eagle of Soaring Prices" to "Woodpecker of Reproductive Justice"
Dept. of Energy certifies Georgetown Law School sex drive as clean energy source, adds to number of green jobs created
Limbaugh controversy prompts Atlantic City casinos to preemptively shut down wildly popular Sandra Fluke slot machines
Democrats push for a death tax on aborted fetuses, to be paid for by insurance companies

Third-grader forced to apologize to Sandra Fluke for telling classmate, "Yo mama went to Georgetown Law School"
Obama to tornado victims: 'We inherited this weather from the previous administration'
Putin's post-election tears sold for five million dollars on eBay, rumored to have magical and political powers; buyer identified by initials B.O.
Rush Limbaugh apologizes for criticizing Sandra Fluke's reproductive hobbies, sends her complimentary condoms and a video camera
Obama: I don't want anyone punished with a birth certificate
Fluke to Congress: drill, baby, drill!
Supportive Americans send Sandra Fluke thousands of contraceptives in hopes she'll never reproduce
Georgetown Law School students set to receive scholarships from Crate'O'Condoms manufacturer Johnson & Johnson
Obama regrets the US government didn't provide his mother with free contraceptives when she was in college
Rescue team recovers Obama's birth certificate ten miles away from tornado path
Supporting Obama's Pond Scum Initiative, US Rep. Waters changes her name to Maxine "Stagnant" Waters
US commander in Afghanistan attempts to quell rioters by burning the American equivalent of the Koran - a year's subscription of 'Goosebumps'
Colorado school board: Islamic harassment of choir student not in violation of DOE guidelines on death threats
Obama refutes charges of being unresponsive to people's suffering: "When you pray to God, do you always hear a response?"
Maya Angelou: "Whitney's dead, Santorum did it, Romney gave the gun, and Gingrich hid it"
Larry Flint: Santorum aspirin position in poor taste and beyond the pale
Israel invades Iranian air space to drop thousands of Fallout Shelter Manuals in Farsi
Al Gore proposes to combat Global Warming by extracting silver linings from clouds in Earth's atmosphere
Conservative think tank introduces children to capitalism with pop-up picture book "The Road to Smurfdom"
Obama decrees the economy is not soaring as much as previously decreeed
Nation grateful to Madonna for promise to keep clothes on at Super Bowl
Trump endorses self, calls self to congratulate
Pelosi backs merger of Girl Scouts with Planned Parenthood: 'Who's NOT planning to be a parent at 12 these days?'
Groundhog Day news: Punxsutawney Phil doesn't see Obama's shadow
Obama's critics respond to Newsweek cover by publishing 'Defeating Obama for Dummies'
ACLU flooded with questions from donors: 'how and who to pray to in order to have Tim Tebow smitten?'
North Pole shuts down as elves unionize, demand warmer work environment
Comet and Blitzen refuse to serve with openly gay Dasher and Prancer
Rudolph publishes auto-biography, says shiny nose still cause for discrimination
Santa's sleigh grounded: PETA files animal cruelty suit against jolly old St. Nick
Al Gore's children receive carbon credits for Winter Solstice Holiday
Adults to Occupiers: there is no socialist Santa Claus; OWS protesters vow to continue demanding free chocolate cookies and milk
EPA to collect carbon tax on coal left in naughty childrens' stockings this Christmas
Carney: new tax on Christians to help improve Christ's image via NEA grants
Obama: this isn't Christmas tax, it's Jizya
Mainstream media exposes Cain's radical ties to Koch-funded abolitionist movement
Dems compromise with Cain, only 10 lashes if he returns to plantation now
White House to impose Chimney tax on Santa Claus
NY Daily News poll asking New Yorkers about Wall Street protesters uncovers glitch in People's Math: 79% want to see 99% kicked out
Democrats to Wall Street Occupiers: We're with you, but please don't harass our biggest donors!
Iran 'will pay a price' for assassination plot: Obama will not bow to Ahmadinejad for minimum of 90 days
Gov't blocks AT&T/T-MOBILE merger, cites "insufficient 2012 campaign donations"
Paul Krugman predicts stimulus package named "Irene" will improve economy this weekend
Republicans block Obama's $420 billion program to give American families free charms that ward off economic bad luck
Opposition wrongfully labels as "vacation" President's plan to join toiling workers in cranberry bogs of Martha's Vineyard
Carney calls Obama vacation 'stimulative,' estimates it will create 4 million jobs
Unemployment promises not to rise until after Obama's vacation
Gorbachev to Obama: 'I too should have abandoned the Communist party earlier'
Obama tours states in long black bus; Biden to follow in short bus
Gaddafi petitions UN to support London rebels, demands resignation of British Prime Minister
Six Flags opens new roller coaster called The Dow Jones
Obama blames Thomas Jefferson for current economic woes; Biden says it's King George's fault
Responding to Oslo shootings, Obama declares Christianity "Religion of Peace," praises "moderate Christians," promises to send one into space
President to interrupt his schedule, go on apology tour to Bible Belt, bow before local Church leaders
Media: Why do Christians hate us?
U.S. Board of Education institutes "Christian for a Day" program in public schools, considers celebrating Christmas
Ridley Scott to remake Kingdom of Heaven, this time portraying Crusaders as a peaceful, moderate group
Taking a page from the Reagan years, Obama announces new era of Perestroika and Glasnost
Progressive dream comes true: Nordic-looking Christian male commits act of terror
Racist NY Times quick to blame Muslims for Norway attack
Experts: new media standard dawns as headlines rush to describe race, color, and religion of Norwegian shooter
Study: Bicyclists have replaced Prius owners as smuggest commuters on Los Angeles freeways
Obama's Regulation Reduction committee finds US Constitution to be expensive outdated framework inefficiently regulating federal gov't
Summer fun looks up! June jobs numbers up from 18,000 new jobs to loss of 26,000 jobs
DNC eyes Romney as possible nominee for 2012
Nancy Grace on Casey Anthony verdict: "Somewhere out there, the devil is dancing tonight." Devil to Nancy: "I haven't danced since Roe v Wade"
Obama's teleprompter unhappy with White House Twitter: "Too few words"
White House admits to falling behind schedule in finding new populist, vapid 2012 reelection slogan
State Department: We're not bombing in Libya; we're only dropping unsolicited instant demolition devices
Obama to Congress: "Unlike me, you're always on vacation. That's what you are but what am I?"
Obama: "We can't cut our way to prosperity, but we sure can spend our way to oblivion
NY approves gay marriage; any moment now straight people expected to take to streets in hissy fit protest, demanding courts to overturn
White House cuts government waste by consolidating all Federal websites into one easy-to-use 'Obama-For-America-2012' website

Obama: 'The American private sector must lead the recovery! That's an order - I just signed it'
Huntsman Who: 'I-m like Reagan - a very, very efficient policy-wonk collectivist technocrat'
Pelosi reverses stance, vows to go hard on Weiner
Study: 60% of New York voters believe that Rep. Weiner had penis planted on him by Republican operatives
Tired of jokes about his name, Rep. Weiner (D) changes it to Whinner
Activists against voter ID discovered to be teens in elaborate scheme to avoid being carded at area nightclub
Harry Reid: 'We believe in a living breathing budget that evolves as society changes - today, tomorrow, the next minute, the next election'
Obama Administration demands secrecy in implementing 'transparent government' policy
Foreign policy mixup leads to Obama's order that helps US
Global happiness index compiled by Peoples Cube researchers shows ThePeoplesCube.com is best and happiest website, has healthiest babies, most bountiful beet harvests, enjoys wisest leader
Babies 'R' Us launches in-crib air traffic controller monitor to put little ones off to sleep
Obama calls new taxes 'spending reductions in tax code.' Elsewhere rapists tout 'consent reductions in sexual intercourse'
Ken Burns' DVD "The Domestic Contingency Operation" #1 on Amazon
As French troops close in on Côte d'Ivoire's President, Code Pink condemns France's 'War for Chocolate'
Seattle school renames Easter eggs 'Spring Spheres'; also renames Passover 'Please don't kill the first born in this house,' and Ramadam to 'Eat after dark, put on 20lbs'
Government shutdown averted, which means the hard-working unionized masses at the IRS will continue, without interruption, to write letters kindly asking citizens to "pay their fair share"
Media Matters reporting: Fox News to execute Glenn Beck next Tuesday
Conde Nast gave $8m to scammer who sent one email; elsewhere, electorate gave four years to scammer who had one slogan
Obama 2012: It's a Kinetic Voter Action, not a reelection campaign
As Japanese workers stuff newspapers into nuclear reactor to stop toxic leakage, questions arise if stuffing nuclear reactor into New York Times might bring similar beneficial results
Jihadists Without Borders rush to aid Libyian rebels
Obama skips trip to Mayan ruins, returns home to visit ruins of America instead
Apple unveils iPad 2.0; Obama unveils Bush 2.0
Biden: US troops in Libya could help save or create thousands of civilian lives
Maintaining two wars while starting a third proves easy for Nobel Peace Prize winner Obama
Mainstream media learns to stop worrying and love the war
NYT: Sometimes war can be the answer
NPR: War with Libya to reduce unemployment and carbon footprint
MSNBC: Counting civilian deaths in Libya too complicated
Obama suggests No-Fly Zone in Libya be modeled on his No-Decision Zone at White House
Nuke workers in Japan take advice from progressives, jam huge piece of regulation into reactor to cool it
Obama to Japanese people: 'Play golf and basketball; problems will go away'
Obama buys fiddle, heads to Rome
Obama's teleprompters unionize, demand collective bargaining rights
Hawaii: Tsunami washes away Obama's birth certficate, forcing Gov. Abercrombie to give up on investigation
Michael Moore: As long as there is anyone with money to shake down, this country is not broke
Libya became the first country to formally recognize rebels' SSauthority in the state of Wisconsin
Meanwhile, Libyan rebels are fleeing after sustained attacks by government employees loyal to Colonel Gaddafi
Rumors of 'rape for food' treatment spread in UN refugee camps for Democrat senators fleeing Wisconsin
Mainstream media to keep up current protest coverage policy in Wisconsin: "See no Union, hear no Union"
Lake Superior renamed Lake Inferior in spirit of tolerance and inclusiveness
Israelis to Egyptian rioters: "don't damage the pyramids, we will not rebuild"
Obama prayer breakfast features environmentally conscious and progressive god, as opposed to evil oppressor god of Bush years
Joe Biden: Egypt protests just a big pyramid scheme
Churchill: We will fight them on the beaches; Reagan: Tear down this wall; Obama: Follow me on twitter
Facebook sponsorship of Arab revolutions questioned by some
Vice President Biden: criticizing Egypt is un-pharaoh
Historical revisionists: "Hey, you never know"
Obama proposes national 'Win The Future' lottery; proceeds of new WTF Powerball to finance more gov't spending
Communist leader and Hu Jintau give joint White House press conference
Abortion horror in Philly: pro-choice activists need to tone down rhetoric
NARAL releases photo of Palin graphic with cross hairs over fetus
China's president calls international currency 'product of the past', wishes to use shiny clam shells
Detroit public schools focus on Green education as students harvest materials from abandoned school buildings to finance Teachers Union benefits
Obama eases Cuba travel: 30 refugees per raft instead of previous 20
Al Sharpton voices concern in the aftermath of New York City blizzard: disproportionate amount of city snowmen are white
New federal entitlement unveiled: all memorials to have Yaqui pray reader
New Democrat plan to enhance civility requires all GOP members to attend professionally managed Republicans Anonymous sessions
MSNBC: Congresswoman being shot in right side of head a proof that violence comes from the right
DHS 'see something, say something' program scrapped due to overload of whistle-blowing tips about DHS and the Obama administration
"No Labels" movement hits supermarkets with disastrous results
Comet and Blitzen refuse to serve with openly gay Dasher and Prancer
ACLU: Christmas tree lighting ceremonies create more terrorists


Obama leaving press conference marks beginning of gradual withdrawal from White House by 2012
Al Qaeda establishes 'Off with their heads' scholarship fund for British students
Jeremiah Wright goes to Stockholm with a sermon 'Sweden's chickens are coming home to roost'
Obama warns Sweden not to jump to conclusions: 'not all suicide bombers are terrorists'
Muslim woman guilty of drunk driving won't remove scarf for jail photo
New York Times sues Wikileaks for unauthorized release of its business model: "We're the ones stealing military secrets!"
Democrat voters frustrated over Wikileaks failure to implicate Bush in stealing Iraqi oil
White House considers launching a Wikidiaper website
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Gibbs: basketball game in which Obama split his lip was started by Bush
Obama names his 12 lip stitches "Mark, Luke, John, Matthew, Paul, Peter..."
Newest TSA slogan "Smell my finger" turns out to be an inside joke
North Korea attacks; American peace groups quickly react by not organizing antiwar marches, not burning DPRK flags, not painting Hitler mustache on effigies of Kim Jung Il, and not chanting "peace now"
Hollywood refuses to brand Kim Jung Il war monger and lying liar, sends Oliver Stone on fact-finding mission
Study: a Google search for body count website listing civilian deaths in Korea brought no results
Study: no Social Security reform will be needed if gov't raises retirement age to at least 814 years
Irish economy in a shambles but who cares; St Patrick’s day is only 4 months away
Obama to cut Medicare as soon as debt panel finds a way to blame it on Republicans
Aging Democratic Party Politburo refuses to give way to younger apparatchiks
Soros escape pod seen over Los Angeles; clueless Pentagon denies 'action by U.S. adversary,' searches ocean bed for hatches and trap doors
Just in: fall of USSR result of not speaking to people effectively, teleprompters not having been invented yet
Obama to America: "Mumbai is awesome! Wish you were here. Wire money"
Obama's final appeal to voters: Have the courage and integrity to rubber stamp my rubber stamps!
Obama distances from himself in Charlottesville to woo Virginia voters
Juan Williams hired by Fox News to represent liberals; show titled You've seen Juan, you've seen 'em all
Google expands maps and street views to include Google Colonoscopy: zero in on target and get detailed view with few clicks of mouse. New program supported by several gov't agencies, most notably IRS
New polling indicates American voters no longer want change, they just want their money back
Democrats launch "Take Our Jobs" campaign as only seven Americans agreed to vote for them
Obama ends war, blames Iraq car explosions on faulty non-union manufactured spare parts
Democrats pull troops out of Iraq to fight the 'real war' on Christine O' Donnell
In effort to appeal to NOW feminists, Christine O'Donnell changes name to Rosie, gains 400lbs
Obama goes to church, worships self
Study: Obama's threat to butn tax money in Washington 'recruitment bonanza' for Tea Parties


GOP: a Rove by any other name still smells the same
Imam Rauf finds a peaceful solution: 'Move Ground Zero a few blocks away from the mosque and no one gets hurt'
New Yorkers to Rauf: 'move mosque to Mecca; Ground Zero at location can be arranged'
Modernizing Islam: New York imam proposes to canonize Saul Alinsky as religion's latter day prophet
General Petraeus: non-halal meals, uncovered female Americans endanger U.S. troops
U.S. forces in Afghanistan brace for backlash after President's message on Rosh Hashana and Yom Kipur
Cardboard cutouts used to fill empty seats for Obama's appearance as Obama takes credit for creating jobs in cardboard-cutout sector
Taliban commanders warn that a plan to build Ground Zero mosque could provoke violence against their troops and operatives overseas
MSNBC suggests Florida church burn Bible instead of Koran; fewer pages mean smaller carbon footprint
New York Neighbors for American Values offer to voluntarily behead themselves to prove tolerance to Muslims; rabbi Arthur Waskow offers to self-incinerate in oven instead
The U.N. posthumously awards all French military personal that served during May of 1940 a medal for Courageous Restraint
White House revises policy to announce when President is at work instead of announcing when he is going on vacation
Seattle: sonic booms of fighter jets shatter glass, stimulate economy
Obama promises to create thousands more economically neutral jobs
White House: Spanish vacation saved or created 3,427 jobs
Pelosi issues recall of House, citing electoral safety concerns
Obama's lack of cojones a bold-face lie: proof
Elton John Working On Anti-Obama Musical
Congress ceases Pentagon spending, outsources armed forces to China
Shirley Sherrod accepts apology, gets new gov't job in End of Life Counseling
On first visit as Britain's PM, David Cameron chooses a communist state, seeks détente
Report: President Obama to visit the United States in the near future
GOP challengers promise post-racial presidency after 2012
Doctors: Glenn Beck's worsening eyesight and inability to focus give hope he may yet join other media and follow Obama
Parachuting donkey lands into Vice President's desk, continues business as usual
Obama calls on radical groups to comply with rules for radicals
NAACP condemns racism within al Qaeda: 'We don't have a problem with radicals, we have an issue with their acceptance of white Arab supremacists into their organizations'
Obama denies al-Qaeda stimulus money, redirects funds to 'less racist' man-made disaster management organizations
In view of lasting heat wave, all weather forecasts are temporarily replaced with 'An Inconvenient Truth' infomercials
NAACP strongly denounces The New Black Panthers
Caught in another hateful rant, Mel Gibson apologizes to representatives of hurt communities: Russian mail-order bride community, silicone breast-implant community, slutty clothes designer community, Vegas whore community, rapist community, and personally to Al Sharpton
Europe: Oracle Octopus predicts World Cup winner;
USA: Oracle Dodo predicts economic growth
Today's box office: LeBron knixes New York in a suspense thriller The Field of Nightmares (Tax Them and They Won't Come)

In a last-ditch effort to get popular with Americans, Supreme Court nominee Elena Kagan reveals she's a Russian spy, photoshops her face on Anna Chapman's nude photos, wins by a landslide
Portland Tribune to receive Pulitzer Prize for best investigative non-reporting of Al Gore's sexual public service blooper
War on Arizona turns to quagmire; Obama sets timetable on American withdrawal by 2011
MSNBC: Obama's firing McChrystal a positive move to bring long-awaited improvement in oil-spill-affected news coverage
Harry Reid changes name to John F Kennedy in last ditch effort to win re-election
White House spokesman Gibbs clarifies why President's answers to nation's problems seem surreal, bizarre and inappropriate, by comparing reporter's question to a purple polka-dotted people-eater riding a tricycle
Obama: green economy likely to transform America into a leading third world country of the new millennium
President taps Pay Czar for BP payouts to victims: Unions order freighter of champagne
EPA: New climate bill will cost less than a postage stamp a day to those still able to afford a postage stamp
Helen Thomas Gets "Rachel Corrie Golden Bulldozer Award"
Puzzled media: Apparently, Al Gore is pro-drill
Gay Pride parade in Gaza cancels inclusion of Israeli group
Obama blames Bush for screwing up his 'Don't Make Excuses' grad speech in Kalamazoo, Michigan
Helen Thomas to leave US for ancestral Lebanon to no longer be occupier of La Raza's Land
Following phrase scheduled to appear on every Sunday morning news show: 'What Helen actually ment to say was...'

Helen Thomas to be inducted into Museum of Natural History
Obama's Deficit Reduction Commission operating in the red
Al Gore: It's a shame that a family can be torn apart by something as simple as a pack of polar bears
Democrats introduce bill regulating who can be a politician
BP hires Gaza flotilla peace activists to beat oil back into hole
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