[floatleft-nb][img]/red/styles/pc/imageset/Header_Palimpsest2.gif[/img]
W.S. Palimpsest gained academic acclaim with the
discovery of the famous "Vanishing Sustenance"
principle, according to which the more Americans
eat, the more food mysteriously disappears in
Third World countries.

He developed, at an early age, a profound sense
of guilt over his privileged bourgeois station in life.
He grew to identify strongly with the oppressed
classes and to deplore American capitalism, which
forces the people of the world to work for a living.

He is also our pharmaceutical connection for
everything from Viagra to every Mexican anti-
depressant you've ever heard of and several
available only in downtown Darfur.[/floatleft-nb]

Utopia Bay Beach Resort: Paradise for Weary Activists

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Are you a professional radical activist? Has your rigorous schedule of anti-war and anti-capitalism rallies left you exhausted? Perhaps you're beginning to feel more like a programmed automaton than a free-thinking human being? Are slogans like "No Blood for Oil" starting to seem a bit inane and trite? If so, you could be suffering from Protest Fatigue Syndrome (PFS), a common malady among full-time malcontents.

Well comrades, there's no need to worry, for I've got the prescription for restoring your zeal. It's called Utopia Bay Beach Resort (UBBR) - a place where outspoken opponents of Bush's illegal nuclear war can come to decompress and recharge their revolutionary batteries before the next protest cycle. With a breathtaking backdrop of lush, green mountains arrayed in colorful tropical flora, this hillside enclave of serenity, located on the Caribbean island of St. John, commands a spectacular view of Utopia Bay, a stunning expanse of brilliant turquoise water fringed by a secluded white sand beach.

ImageThe blank, lifeless expression on this Code Pink activist's face indicates that she may be developing Protest Fatigue Syndrome (PFS).

ImageFolk singer Corey McGhee belts out the chorus of his instant classic, "Fossil Fuels Will Make a Fossil of You."


For those of you not familiar with my five-star ecolodge, let me provide a little background information. As President Bill Clinton was nearing the end of his term back in early 2001, he issued a flurry of executive orders. In addition to pardoning Marc Rich, he also instructed the National Park Service to lease, in perpetuity, 150 acres of the Virgin Islands National Park to my progressive development company, Utopia Bay Ventures, Inc. The rest is history: my partners and I secured the services of an accomplished "green" architect from Cuba, and, soon thereafter, we broke ground on our celebrated environmentally friendly resort.

ImageErected on stilts, each of our twenty-five "tree house" cottages rises into the forest canopy.


Erected on stilts, each of our twenty-five "tree house" cottages rises into the forest canopy. Our architect flawlessly employed the technique of Eco-flage, ensuring that the built structures blended seamlessly into their surroundings. We also constructed a network of low-impact boardwalks, which are also elevated so as not to disturb the sensitive ecosystem below. These boardwalks connect the cottages to the welcome facility, the restaurant, the cocktail lounge/hash bar (shhh!), and, of course, the gorgeous, palm-shaded beach. Each of our quaint cottages is named for a utopian visionary. For example, our guests can stay in Plato's Beach Bungalow, Bellamy Looking Bayward, Campanella's Cabana in the Sun, Sir More's Seaside Sanctuary, and Wells' Welk. (Note to potential guests: Cindy Sheehan has reserved Morris' Nowhereland for the month of October.)

ImageUtopia Bay activists teach locals to protect their delicate ecosystems by walking to their fields on stilts.

Image Concealed by the Eco-flage design technique, Utopia Bay's cottages are virtually invisible in the landscape. They are situated below the ecolodge's picturesque wind farm, which enhances the property's radical cachet.


Of course, there are no TVs in the rooms, although the bar has two - one of which shows re-runs of The West Wing and the other, CNN (24/7). But who needs TVs when you will find hours of entertainment playing with your complementary People's Cube? Furthermore, each nightstand comes complete with a copy of The Antonio Gramsci Reader and the New York Times is delivered on a daily basis for your reading pleasure.

Don't forget the myriad of workshops we offer, including courses on yoga, body piercing, appreciating militant Islam, tie-dyeing, and making jewelry from recyclables. We also teach a popular class on how to create and maintain dreadlocks. If that's not enough, every evening, our resident folk singer, Corey McGhee, serenades guests with such rousing songs as "Hey America: What the Hell is Wrong with Ya" and "A Right-winger Tried to Kill Me with His SUV."

Alternative sources of energy and conservation are of paramount importance to us at Utopia Bay. A beautiful wind farm provides the resort's electrical power; its turbines gracefully crown the summit above the cottages. Unfortunately, outages are frequent and often last for hours, but that's a small price to pay for helping to save the world from global warming. (Critics have asserted that we, at UBBR, are sending a conflicting message.

They say that our wind farm stands in mockery of basic Eco-flage principles because its conspicuous turbines compromise the integrity of the natural setting. We disagree, of course, believing that our "propellers" impart a decidedly progressive eco-aesthetic to the property.) As regards bathroom facilities, we have taken the European approach and require our guests to use a communal "comfort center," with low-flush toilets and pull-chain, solar-heated showers.

ImageFood Network's Alton Brown raves: "Utopia Bay's vegan surf-and-turf is to die for!"


Our world-class restaurant, The Pampered Conch, offers a menu that will tempt the palate of even the most fastidious gourmand. The vegan surf-and-turf is "too die for," according to the Food Network's resident know-it-all, Alton Brown. It consists of an impeccably seasoned, pan-fried veggie "steak" patty, smothered in a soy-truffle sauce, served along with six delectable California rolls bursting with Nori seaweed, avocado, and imitation crab meat. Isn't your mouth watering?

If enjoying all of Utopia Bay's luxurious amenities makes you feel a little guilty, you can find relief by taking the ferry over to a neighboring island, Masochism Cay, where a colleague of mine runs The Center for Self-Flagellation - a must visit for all devout radicals. Trust me, those palm fronds and broken shells really hurt!

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Wow, this is just the place to relax and spend your money! I had a great time. And best yet, you don't have to put up with any poor people. Like Cartman says: kick-ass!

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Uh-oh, I think the pentagon just found it's new nuclear testing site.

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Kommissar Betty wrote:Uh-oh, I think the pentagon just found it's new nuclear testing site.

<img src=https://homepage.mac.com/kcralston/.pic ... mbetty.gif width=550>

Premier Breshnev
$$ halliburton is a class traitor! He needs to go to the Gulag now!

Anyway, we don't know what the US will do to the newly carved out paradice. I will submit a request for a missile shield. For now, Laika will be watching out for evil imperalist missiles and will shoot them down with the People's Ray!

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Premier Breshnev wrote:$$ halliburton is a class traitor! He needs to go to the Gulag now!

Anyway, we don't know what the US will do to the newly carved out paradice. I will submit a request for a missile shield. For now, Laika will be watching out for evil imperalist missiles and will shoot them down with the People's Ray!

PB, you might as well be calling out Hillary...like I said earlier...STFU you old dead Red!!!

Live Privates outrank dead Premiers...how long did you lead the USSR? A couple years max? Hillary will lead the U.S.S.A. for....EVER!!! and $.$. H. will be right there for her, like he has been for every President since....LBJ!!!

Brown and Root/Haliburton p0wn j00!

HippiePieStalkerAlert
You - Miss! in the Pink wig!!!

Yes you!

Be on the look out for sauve and debonair capitalist in training - a.k.a Gareth who openly claims his desires for our socialists sisters.
He mistakingly thinks that all young women - raised and educated in our socialist utopia - are completely brainwashed and are nothing but "easy pieces".
Resist this swine dog in heat!
Do not give forth and provide comfort to the enemy by offering to him your Peoples' "P".
Remember! the Peoples' "P" does not belong to you - it belongs to the State and there is no sex in the Utopian State!!!

Report -in person- any sightings of this Gareth character immediately to WJC (and bring extra cigars with you too)!

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Oh, I forgot to mention that UBBR also specializes in Civil Unions for radical lesbian activists!

For the reasonable rate of only $6,200 per couple (airfare not included), we offer a complete "matrimonial" package deal. It includes a five-night stay in the aphrodisiacal Sappho's Siesta cottage and a sunset wedding ceremony officiated by a Justice of the Peace impersonating the socialist dictator of your choice. Castro comes highly recommended. He'll even trip down the stairs for your amusement, if you ask him nicely.

What a deal!

Hurri An Dropoff
As the main member of the central unit - a.k.a. the DnC -

I nominate Dr.W.S.Palimpsest as People's most Useful Idiot of the World Wide Revolution.

A permanent dacha to the PmUI in Cuba (comrade Fido will make this happen).
H.A.D.

Ferry Captain
I TOLD you this boat was gas powered, ripping out the engine and throwing it overboard was not a good idea.

I will carve oars from your stiffening corpses.

User avatar
Hurri An Dropoff wrote:As the main member of the central unit - a.k.a. the DnC -

I nominate Dr.W.S.Palimpsest as People's most Useful Idiot of the World Wide Revolution.

A permanent dacha to the PmUI in Cuba (comrade Fido will make this happen).
H.A.D.

Flattery will get you everywhere! That is, until a convenient scapegoat is needed.

At any rate, I already have a lovely dacha in the Vuelta Abajo region of northwestern Cuba, where my revolutionary associates grow some of the world's finest tobacco. The "Cienfuegos No. 5" is one of the smoothest cigar's that you'll ever smoke. Kim Jung-il can't get enough of them.

Patria o Muerte, Venceremos!

Carnivale
STILT WALKERS OF THE WORLD UNITE!

Premier Breshnev
Private Pravda wrote:
Premier Breshnev wrote:$$ halliburton is a class traitor! He needs to go to the Gulag now!

Anyway, we don't know what the US will do to the newly carved out paradice. I will submit a request for a missile shield. For now, Laika will be watching out for evil imperalist missiles and will shoot them down with the People's Ray!

PB, you might as well be calling out Hillary...like I said earlier...STFU you old dead Red!!!

Live Privates outrank dead Premiers...how long did you lead the USSR? A couple years max? Hillary will lead the U.S.S.A. for....EVER!!! and $.$. H. will be right there for her, like he has been for every President since....LBJ!!!

Brown and Root/Haliburton p0wn j00!

I got the memo on $$ halliburton (he provided me with the design for the new nuclear missile, it was good). I just need to keep quiet about it. I don't need to upset the hardliners here. Anyway, the "Gulag" for halliburton never existed anyway, as this was for public comsumption.

Premier Breshnev
Don't forget to use some Rubles to buy this fine product..
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Double O Strangelove
Premier Breshnev wrote:I got the memo on $$ halliburton (he provided me with the design for the new nuclear missile, it was good).

Rumor has it that the wind farm at Utopia Bay Beach Resort actually serves as cover for a warren of underground nuclear missile silos. Now that's some serious Eco-flage!

User avatar
Double O Strangelove wrote: Rumor has it that the wind farm at Utopia Bay Beach Resort actually serves as cover for a warren of underground nuclear missile silos. Now that's some serious Eco-flage!
Sir, that is a wild, irresponsible and unsubstantiated rumor. We've been over and over this. It's old news. Can't we please move on? My god man, think of the working children of Utopia Bay Beach Resort. Don't they deserve protection? Shame!

Ribbentrop-Molotov Redux
What is going on here--a reprise of the Nazi-Soviet Pact of 1939, or something?

First, I learn that the capitalist warmonger, $.$. Halliburton, has vacationed at Dr. Palimpsest's Utopia Bay Beach Resort, where the former admittedly "had a great time" because he didn't "have to put up with any poor people." This is shocking and confounding enough, but it doesn't stop there.

Then, Halliburton 'dost protest too much' in his denial of the existence of the nuclear missile silos purportedly concealed beneath UBBR's wind farm, thereby lending credence to the rumors.

Again, I ask my dear comrades: What in the hell is going on here! The appearance of grave impropriety and collusion with the enemy is strong enough to shake one's faith in the Revolution.

Margaret
Dear Mr. Ribbentrop or Mr. Molotov or Mr. Redux or whomever you were in the last post there unto,

I've known Mr. Halliburton for a very long time as he's my uncle and I can tell you he doesn't know anything about any nuclear missle silos or very much else about Utopia Bay Beach Resort either thank you very much. As far as him "putting up with poor people", well, he puts up with me and we have a great time and so there Mr. smarty pants.
Geez, just because he's rich you gotta tear him down. It make me sick. By the way, Ribbentrop and Molotov were nazis and commies and Uncle Cha-Ching is very much a believer in freedom and all that stuff cause he's old and seen it so there, there, there. Take that.

Miles
As long as there is Pinot Noir, this looks like a pretty good deal! But, if anyone orders Merlot, I'm leaving. I am NOT drinking any fucking Merlot!

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It's time to put an end to all this wild speculation. Yes, $.$. Halliburton has visited Utopia Bay Beach Resort; he was checking up on one of his investments. It's true, Halliburton is one of Utopia Bay Ventures' chief investors. Why take money from such a contemptible exploiter as Halliburton, you may ask? Why not?, I say. George Soros thought it was a good idea, too. You see, Halliburton can't help himself; he suffers from a most pernicious addiction: the lust for profits. He can't resist the temptation of adding more gold coins to his towering stacks. He'll invest in anything, provided he thinks it will bring him a sizable return. He has no ethical foundations and no moral compass. He is a true individualist; the only thing he holds sacred is his own self-interest.

So why not use him as an instrument of socialist subversion? Let him fund our causes. Let him sell our products. Let him help legitimize the Revolution. Let him contribute to the further 'mainstreaming' of secular collectivism. He may be laughing his way to the bank now, but we'll have the last laugh my fellow apparatchiki--I assure you.

To further set the record straight, let me assure all potential hotel guests that when Halliburton visited Utopia Bay Beach Resort, he did not stay in one of our of world-renowned eco-cottages--so they remain unsullied and as pristine as Marx's communist vision. Instead, he was forced to slum it in the tragically un-hip Capitalist Investor's Villa, which features all of the lavish conveniences and amenities that our decadent class enemies can't live without. What a bunch of softies they are!

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The Capitalist Investor's Villa, Utopia Bay Beach Resort

UBBR's Bartender
Miles wrote:As long as there is Pinot Noir, this looks like a pretty good deal! But, if anyone orders Merlot, I'm leaving. I am NOT drinking any fucking Merlot!

Dear Miles (Mr. Miles Faymond, I presume),

We here at UBBR quite agree with your position on Merlot, the preferred wine of the primitive-palated bourgeoisie. And we're in good company. The illustrious chef and epicure, Mario Batali (aka, Molto Mario), deemed it passé several years ago and refuses to serve it at his restaurants. The man clearly knows what he's talking about! Upon hearing of Merlot's fall from grace, hordes of wine lovers across the world took to the streets and smashed every bottle of the substance that they had in their cellars. Therefore, there's no need to agonize over it, Mr. Faymond; you will not find such an unfashionable varietal defiling our wine list.

I realize that you are a great enthusiast of Pinot Noir, and, there, you and the Professor will have to agree to disagree. He often refers to your beloved grape as the "momma's boy" of the vitis vinifera species, saying that its frailness and unreliability reminds him of the unstable capitalist system, with its "business cycle" of growth and recession.

Due to the popularity of your movie, however, we have decided to carry a few token Pinot Noirs to accommodate our oenologically corrupted guests. In fact, I personally selected the wines under the advisement of the Sideways Wine Club. I'm sure you'll approve--the Pinots are from your stomping grounds in Santa Barbara County. See you soon.

Cheers,
UBBR's Bartender


P.S., Don't forget to drink a bottle of "Propaganda" a day!

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User avatar
I enjoy a good Cabernet Sauvignon. Does Propaganda produce any? Does UBBR have any in stock?

The People's Vintner
Dear Comrade Otis,

Actually, "Propaganda" is a Syrah that Dr. Palimpsest produces at his winery Château Babeuf, located in the Côtes du Rhone region of France. All of Château Babeuf's award-winning wines are available at UBBR, including the newly released "Dictator" Cuvée.

At any rate, both the Professor and I also thoroughly enjoy a full-bodied, 'iron-fist-in-a velvet-glove' Cabernet Sauvignon. Unfortunately, the Professor's winery lies in an area of France that is not conducive to growing Cabernet grapes.
<br>Dr. Palimpsest, however, has convinced French officials to use their form of eminent domain to seize a kulak-run winery situated in the heart of the Médoc region of Bordeaux, where Cabernet flourishes like radical ideas in the minds of indoctrinated student-drones. After the appropriation has been finalized, the government will give the Professor the deed to the property. (It seems the concept of social entrepreneurship is really catching on in France!) The deal is all but done, so Dr. P is trying to come up with a catchy name for his new winery. Right now he's torn between Château du Marteau et la Faucille (Castle of the Hammer & Sickle) or Château du Drapeau Rouge (Castle of the Red Flag). Which do you prefer?

Cheers,
The People's Vintner

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The People's Vintner wrote:Dr. Palimpsest, however, has convinced French officials to use their form of eminent domain to seize a kulak-run winery situated in the heart of the Médoc region of Bordeaux, where Cabernet flourishes like radical ideas in the minds of indoctrinated student-drones.

This is delightful news. I look forward to success, comrade. I'm not certain that I approve of the concept of social entrepeneurship. It rather smacks of the reactionary. Watch out for the Bolsheviks, ha, ha!

In answer to your question, I like Castle of the Red Flag but, if I may be so bold as to offer a suggestion, it would be nice to honor a Socialist hero. I know there's Che, but his image is just another tool of capitalism and aside from that everyone that knew him knew the man was a fool. The Capitalists honor decadent heros like Marilyn Monroe with wines named after them. If we don't honor the real heros of Russia they might be completely forgotten in a few years. This would be a sad thing. You might for instance consider a wine named after Gagarin. The label would look good with something like this:

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I know this is a foolish request by an old man but I'm a foolish old man and there were real heros of 20th century Russia and it's not right that they be forgotten while pretenders to greatness like Che get all the glory. And besides that I'm still just a Young Cosmo-Pioneer at heart and am still in love with The Dream that men such as Gagarin helped instill.

Take it for what it's worth.

Comrade Otis

Ad agency executive
Hey kid, that's one helluva pitch. I love it. *puffs on cigar*

I can see the ad now: "Try Château Gagarin's Cosmic Cabernet. It's Out of This World." *laughs in self-congratulatory manner and gulps down glass of scotch*

Ok kid, I know that's too cliché; we're just gettin' started here, though.

Alright, how about this one: "You Don't Have To Be a Cosmonaut To Defy Gravity. One Sip of Château Gagarin's Cabernet Will Send Your Taste Buds into Outer Space." *pours another glass of scotch while shaking head approvingly*

Here's another possibility; we can take the whole "French paradox" cardio angle: "Drink Château Gagarin's Cabernet: Better Red Than Dead!" *polishes off second glass of scotch, crunches piece of ice*

Maybe we could even work in something about an, err, umm...a Red Planet. Yeah, a Red Planet! I think that's something all the hipsters are really diggin' these days. Try this on for size: "What Are They Drinking on the Red Planet? Château Gagarin's Cabernet Sauvignon, Of Course. What's In Your Glass? Better Make It Gagarin Red. Or Else!" *ashes cigar on floor, opens desk, and takes out treasured photo of Uncle Joe*

We gotta real winner here, kid!

User avatar
Comrade Ad agency executive,

No. You make fun. A simple name of "Gagarin" with the phrase: "To the future" or perhaps: "Join the future." None of your ideas do Gagarin justice and are tastelessly debauched by materialistic decadence. Though I do rather like your Red Planet idea. I have some ideas about a group of Young Cosmo-Pioneer children that live in model socialist society on Mars trying to come to terms with life in a hostile Capitalist solar-system and make sense of it all. To put it in simple Ad agency speak: Sort of like South Park in space. "Hipster's" might "dig" it, as you say.

To the future,

Comrade Otis

Ad agency executive
Jeez, kid. Alright already. I meant no offense. Whew! You radical types take life way too seriously. *mixes a pepto and scotch cocktail* Try to lighten up a little, OK sparky? Maybe you've got that Protest Fatigue bug or something. *fires up a contraband Cuban cigar and lets out a perfunctory cough* I'll send ya down to UBBR for a week or two; that ought to take care of it.

Oh well, I thought up another good one just to get your goat, old buddy, old pal: "Château Gagarin's Cabernet Sauvignon: Pour a Glass and Blast Off Into an Orbit of Flavorful Bliss." Ha ha. I know you hate the marketing side of the business kid, but $.$. Halliburton demands profits, and, for that reason, we gotta stay on our toes. Screw sentimentality; we've got product to move.

I know you want the good leads, the "Glengarry" leads, but ya gotta earn 'em. That's all I'm sayin'. *blows series of smoke rings into the tense air*

By the way, isn't Mars experiencing global warming too? Your greenhorn cosmo-pioneers are gonna have a tough time of it up there! They'd better pack a crate-load of SPF-45 sunscreen. *cracks self up while everyone else in the room remains silent and stone-faced* Come on kid, where's your sense of humor? *spills pepto on sports jacket and tie while attempting to pour another cocktail*

User avatar
Ad agency executive wrote:Oh well, I thought up another good one just to get your goat, old buddy, old pal: "Château Gagarin's Cabernet Sauvignon: Pour a Glass and Blast Off Into an Orbit of Flavorful Bliss." Ha ha. I know you hate the marketing side of the business kid, but $.$. Halliburton demands profits, and, for that reason, we gotta stay on our toes. Screw sentimentality; we've got product to move.

That is repulsive. Alienation is no badge of honor nor legitimate means of earning a living. I'll have nothing to do with the likes of you or this ugly $.$. Halliburton thing. Revolution is right around the corner, my friend. It took we revolutionaries a long to realize it, but the revolution always starts from within. A vanguard with total power only leads to a new form of fuedalism. There's never been such a time as now that so many people all over the world don't, indeed can't, even concieve of bourgious notions of freedom and liberty. And this will grow. It can only lead to true revolution and the destruction of your kind and class. I guess I'm just a sentimentalist at heart.

Comrade Otis

hail marx
funny how you rightwingers have so much time on your hands now that your little emperor's lack of clothing has been exposed.

User avatar
hail marx wrote:funny how you rightwingers have so much time on your hands now that your little emperor's lack of clothing has been exposed.

Are you going to explain your words or is your entire dialectic nothing more than unsubstantiated statements and allusions thrown like nasty little rocks at adults' cars, as if by a cowardly destructive child hiding behind a tree. Go ahead and answer. Don't worry about being offensive. Adults take things to heart when they've betrayed their own principles and someone points it out to them.
Do you really have anything to say? Or are you just some black-clad nihilistic boob out looking for a fight?

from the computer desk of $.$. Halliburton


 
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