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E-mail itObama the Pitchfork Operator: Remake of the Soviet Classic
 | As seen on Pajamas Media (out of karakter) While some of today's comparisons between Obama and communist dictators may go over the top, the general direction of such thinking is not without merit: since they share a utopian goal of forced equality, it's logical to expect that their methods may also converge at some point. To wit, recent actions from Obama reminded me of a ploy Stalin used on Western entrepreneurs, which in itself is an illustrative morality play contrasting the differences between socialism and capitalism. "My administration is the only thing between you and the pitchforks," Barack Obama told the CEOs of the world's most powerful financial institutions on March 27, when they cited competition for talent in an international market as justification for paying higher salaries to their employees. |
Arrayed around a long mahogany table in the White House state dining room, the bankers struggled to make themselves clear to the president, but he wasn't in a mood to hear them out. He interrupted them by saying, "Be careful how you make those statements, gentlemen. The public isn't buying that." Accordingly, the words "public" and "the people" denote "an appearance of broad popular movement created by a small but highly organized band of professional pitchfork operators (ACORN) who rely on the government funding and the media's eagerness to present their deliberately planned actions and pre-fabricated messages as heartfelt and spontaneous." In a balanced society, an angry mob is never a part of the equation. But if the goal is to throw a capitalist society off balance in order to change it, an angry mob is the ticket. Anger is known to be the easiest and the most effective tool of crowd manipulation. Angry mobs cancel out the rule of law. Infusing anger into a community and turning it into an angry mob, canceling out the rule of law, and changing the balance in a society - this is what community organizers do for a living. Community organizers were instrumental in forcing banks to give subprime loans to unqualified minority borrowers by using the "pitchforks" tactics - protesting in front of the banks, camping on the lawns of the bankers' family houses, intimidating families, and suing in courts. After the bankers were sufficiently roughed up, a community organizer would show up at their office to "negotiate" the bank's surrender in the form of bad loans and money for community organizations that pay community organizers for their "services." Squeezed between the "pitchforks" and the government (see Community Reinvestment Act), the banks survived by releasing the accumulated toxic assets to the rest of the financial system, which over the years poisoned the entire world economy. Now that the crisis has propelled a former "pitchfork operator" into power, it shouldn't surprise anyone that the new organizer in chief would try to "heal" the economy how he knows best: by continuing to squeeze businesses between the "pitchforks" and the government - a tactic that had caused the disease in the first place. Only now he is doing it on a global scale. Most Americans will probably associate this trend with the protection racket that was rampant in Chicago in the 1930s. It follows the same pattern: the mob, in conjunction with the unions, would organize strikes and protests, do physical damage, and intimidate business owners. Then a mob representative would meet with the owner and offer "protection" by saying "I'm the only thing between you and the pitchforks." After the Communists nationalized Siberian gold mines, the government's incompetence and lack of incentives sent gold production into a decline. Many of the managers and engineers had fled abroad; the foreign-made mining equipment lay in ruins. But the country badly needed gold to finance industrialization and prepare for war with Western capitalism. The popular sentiment, whipped up by the party-controlled media, was that "heads must roll." Failing to deliver the required quotas, the remaining managers and engineers were declared enemies of the people and either executed or sent to hard labor camps. That didn't help; the production continued to drop. That's when Nikolai Bukharin, a former community organizer in charge of industrial development, came up with an idea to infuse some capitalism and lease Siberian mines to British mining companies. The plan was approved by Stalin. The strike sounded absurd as the miners' wages and living conditions by then were among the best in the country. The foreign management didn't realize, of course, that the strike had been secretly ordered by the party's central committee as part of Bukharin's clever scheme. The unions wouldn't dare defy the party. The workers simply did what they had been ordered to do. The British gave in and raised the wages. But a few weeks later another strike broke out, with more picketing and demonstrations, as the unions demanded another significant raise and improvement of living conditions. The British gave in again. After yet another strike the Siberian miners already had a higher living standard than any of their Western counterparts, while the mining operation was becoming barely profitable. When the next anti-exploitation strike broke out, the capitalists cried to the Soviet government for help. Bukharin, on behalf of the party and the government, answered that he had no power over the unions. This was not a capitalist country where governments oppressed their workers. This was a workers' state, ruled by the workers who were getting angry at capitalist exploitation, and the government had to obey their will. Long story short, and not necessarily in these words, the gist of the message was that the Brits only had Stalin's mercy standing between them and the pitchforks, and they better not push it.
Finally the Brits fathomed the depth of the hole they'd dug themselves into. There was nothing else they could do except run away from the threat of the pitchforks as fast as they could. Shipping back the equipment would only increase their losses, so they left the machinery behind. As a result, the Soviet government got new working equipment, trained workers, and well-organized production - all free of charge. None of the captains of socialist industry lost any sleep; it was done for the common good of the workers, and so the end justified the means. According to a witness account, members of the party's central committee, including Stalin, laughed hysterically every time Bukharin retold the story of how the workers' state fooled Western capitalism. But the joke really was on the workers. As soon as the British left, the mines were taken over by the state, the wages dropped to the national average, and the usual misery ensued. The unions had done their job; there were no more strikes. Who would dare protest the party that acted in the interests of the workers? No one was foolish enough to stick his head into that noose and be declared enemy of the people. And since everyone acted smart and in the interests of the common good, the industry quickly declined to the pre-capitalist level. In 1937, Bukharin himself was declared an enemy of the people and, after a show trial, executed on unrelated charges. The allegations against him were as bogus and far-fetched as the very system he had helped to create - and of which he later became a victim. The gold-mining episode was perhaps one of the most innocent schemes he conjured in the interests of the common good. In the absence of economic incentives, the stagnant and unproductive industries could only be run by threats and intimidation. Those who think that the Soviet system was an aberration of socialism, please consider that it had been consistent with the principles of equality and the common good. Stalin's reign of terror was merely an inevitable end result of a collectivist utopian theory that contradicted human nature, vilifying people for "greed" and "selfishness," which were mere manifestations of their individuality, and punishing the desire to be free from state-run slavery. As post-Stalin liberal reforms softened the totalitarian system, they also made it more dysfunctional. With the fear of repressions withering away, the economy slowed down to a halt. And just as the last remaining fear was gone in the years of Perestroika, the country fell apart. This was a logical conclusion of an attempt to build a "workers' paradise" based on "progressive" collectivist morality, which turned workers into slaves and corrupted the society to such an extent that it required a partial return of totalitarian rule by Putin in order to rein in organized crime. But American "progressives" seem to be unable to learn from other people's mistakes, even if the former KGB officer Vladimir Putin himself is asking Obama to take a lesson from the pages of Russian history and not exercise "excessive intervention in economic activity and blind faith in the state's omnipotence." I don't often agree with Putin, but when he's right, he's right. "In the 20th century, the Soviet Union made the state's role absolute," he said at the World Economic Forum in Davos. "In the long run, this made the Soviet economy totally uncompetitive. This lesson cost us dearly. I am sure nobody wants to see it repeated." |
To get the full flavor of the president's implication we must remember that in Obama's code language, the word "pitchforks" means "a vigorous campaign of 
It was often pointed out during the election that Obama lacked management experience. While having a president with no experience is bad, it's not nearly as bad as having a president with experience as a community organizer.
Once a community organizer gains control of the media and the government, the next logical step is to turn the entire nation into a mob and set them against businesses, while offering the latter government "protection." The subsequent takeover of the economy leaves the future society reduced to the two basic elements: an authoritarian government and a compliant mob. This may be an ideal arrangement for a community organizer, but it's a direct opposite of what the Founding Fathers had intended.
Curiously enough, at about the same time, a similar drama was unfolding halfway across the world in the Eastern Siberia - only this time the role of the mob was played by a government that claimed to act in the interests of the workers. And while the mobsters were motivated by greed and used the workers simply to milk the capitalists, a workers' government, motivated by the common good morality, used the workers for something much more sinister and immoral.
The lease terms were extremely favorable; before long British capitalist exploiters arrived at a few Siberian locations. They brought new equipment, trained the local workers, and quickly revived the industry. But as soon as things began to run smoothly, local unions organized strikes at all British-run mines, protesting exploitation and demanding a significant pay raise.
It appears that the ultimate manifestation of the "common good" principle is an absolute power of the state. Stalinists associated the idea of "socialism with a human face" with moral confusion and ideological corruption. At least the henchmen were consistent in their beliefs.
Quote:
But American "progressives" seem to be unable to learn from other people's mistakes, even if the former KGB officer Vladimir Putin himself is asking Obama to take a lesson from the pages of Russian history and not exercise "excessive intervention in economic activity and blind faith in the state's omnipotence."I don't often agree with Putin, but when he's right, he's right. "In the 20th century, the Soviet Union made the state's role absolute," he said at the World Economic Forum in Davos. "In the long run, this made the Soviet economy totally uncompetitive. This lesson cost us dearly. I am sure nobody wants to see it repeated."
{character OFF}
I never thought I'd see the day that the Russian leader was more concerned about the U.S. than its own president. As always, your observations drill right through the smokescreen with their clarity.
When the leader of the "other side" warns about the pitfalls of following his own country's path, a smart man would pay attention. Obama and his cronies aren't leading us to destruction because they think socialism is best for The People, they're doing it because it gives them power and control. Simply that.
It's no mistake that they're getting wealthy too, but wealth is just power in tangible form. Soros can only buy so many mansions, yachts, fancy cars, etc. - once you have all the material things you need plus all of them you want, what else is there but power? Soros and his ilk don't have time to "buy" everyone one person at a time so they're going the wholesale route.
{character ON}
It's obvious Comrade Putin was just using his KGB wiles to josh the great O, like when you were a kid and you wanted your little brother to think the chocolate cake you were cramming in your mouth was awful so he wouldn't want some too. Either that, or he needs an intensive beet shoveling refresher course.
Quote:
I see one problem. Comrade Moore has shrunk in width.
Perhaps this is due to the glories of both Obamacare™ and Obama's nationalization of food production and distribution.
--
Red Square
#50. Pastor of Muppets: Anyone trying to lay blame on minorities and the CRA for this crisis is either racist or ignorant; most likely both.No one is blaming minorities in causing the crisis. The blame lies on the demagogues who used minorities as a club to advance their agenda - and (only partially) on those who didn’t have the guts to resist the intimidation and stand on principle (although it’s easy to blame them when it wasn’t your child’s school that was being picketed).
Both ACORN and congressional Democrats used the race card a lot: ACORN blamed the banks for being racist when they initially rejected risky loans, and Democrats blamed Republicans for being racist when they tried to regulate the CRA along with Fanny and Freddy.
The fact that Pastor of Muppets decided to use the same blame game to defend the race demagogues, says a lot about where he’s coming from - and how honest he is with us, or maybe even with himself.
———-
On a different note, I was expecting to see more comments about the main point of the above story, which is how allegedly “moral” arguments for the “common good” and “for the people” overwhelmingly end up in doing immoral things and hurting the people they set out to defend. And how universal this is - be it Russia, America, France, or Zimbabwe.
This pattern can be detected in the CRA affair as well, but it’s much bigger than that. That the argument got diverted into discussing the CRA may be the result of the weakness that all decent people have - they can’t pass a hungry troll without feeding him. And trolls use this trick all the time to their advantage.
Here we go. If we can blame people’s decency for feeding the trolls, we might as well blame the bankers for feeding ACORN.
And let’s also blame the frog who agreed to transport the scorpio across the river even though he knew that the scorpio would eventually sting him. In result, they both drowned. And the scorpio family sued the frog family for the wrongful death of their brother caused by the frog’s bad judgment.
Red Square
And let’s also blame the frog who agreed to transport the scorpio across the river even though he knew that the scorpio would eventually sting him. In result, they both drowned. And the scorpio family sued the frog family for the wrongful death of their brother caused by the frog’s bad judgment.Comrade Red Square, everyone knows why the frog has no tail. It is a common fact that those frivolous frogs also eat fish larva. It has also been said that those stingy scorpions enjoy the comforts of peoples sleeping bags in the desert. Now, one living in the swamp and the other other in the desert, how twain shall they meet as the Red River rises and recedes?
This is important question comrade, important question.
You see the PitchFork Operator in Chief entered the Saint Valentine's Day Massacre with Comrade Kerouac and it only ended in Gusenberg saying ""I'm not gonna talk - nobody shot me".
Now where the hell is Comrade Bugs Bunny? Does anybody have any carrots around here?
Excellent Article Comrade, we are on the same page...
--
Commissar Obamissar V
A pitchfork is merely the skeleton of a shovel, Comrades.As is visible on this x-ray:
Only this pitchfork is pointed in a direction that may catch Obama off-guard.
Red Square
The unions had done their job; there were no more strikes. Who would dare protest the party that acted in the interests of the workers? No one was foolish enough to stick his head into that noose and be declared enemy of the people.
This Bukharin looks like a "Kewpie Doll."
If you have a
I drink your
Don't bully me
PLEASE. MY FAITH HAS BEEN LOST AND I NEED
A NEW WAY. I ASK FOR YOUR HELP --
I TOOK WHAT I WANTED WHEN YOU WEREN'T LOOKING
AND THE BLOOD OF THE
DO YOU THINK GOD IS GOING TO BALANCE
YOUR INVESTMENTS? GOD DOESN'T SAVE IDIOTS,
YOU ARE BROKE AND YOU ARE LAME AND
YOU ARE DONE FOR.
The new "American Gothic"! Sticking it to the working classes!
Publius
The whole angry mob thing seems to reinforce my belief that, a person is smart, maybe a genius, but people are dumb as a box of rocks. Where you get one person that talks louder than everyone else and everyone turns and listens then follows.
That the greed of many can effect the one. Demanding more from the Brits when they were already living better the the rest of the "people". But as far as an attempt to take down capitalism, it was a good try.
{retruned to karector}
More shoveling for myself. [ trudges back to the gulag, shovel over shoulder]
RED VIKTOR
That the greed of many can effect the one. Demanding more from the Brits when they were already living better the the rest of the "people".I'm sure the workers knew they were doing the wrong thing. But they were simply fulfilling orders. There was nothing anybody could do to stop this. The unions were only a front for the Party, which ruled over everyone undivided.
Once again your shovel scoops the poop! And Media Dog keeps hiding his piles.
A little verse, in a book authored by a known thoughtcriminal, that was once taught in American high schools:
The greatest guilt today is that of people who accept collectivism by moral default; the people who seek protection from the necessity of taking a stand, by refusing to admit to themselves the nature of that which they are accepting; the people who support plans specifically designed to achieve serfdom, but hide behind the empty assertion that they are lovers of freedom, with no concrete meaning attached to the word; the people who believe that the content of ideas need not be examined, that principles need not be defined, and that facts can be eliminated by keeping one's eyes shut. They expect, when they find themselves in a world of bloody ruins and concentration camps, to escape moral responsibility by wailing: "But I didn't mean this!"
Ayn Rand
April, 1946
Sounds and looks very familiar.
In Socialist Solidarity!
RED VIKTOR
So the unions were on the wrong end of the "heads must roll"?The unions in the USSR were an arm of the Party - or hand puppets, depending how you look at it. They didn't oppose or negotiate anything, nor did they have the power to do so. Their responsibilities were limited to recreation, healthcare, and maintaining the morale (including sorting out family troubles, domestic violence, putting the fear of the Party into alcoholics who cut days of work but couldn't be fired because that would mean unemployment, and exerting the power of collective indignation on "un-conscientious" workers who had the audacity not to toe the Party line in aspects that were not alcohol-related).
As far as I know there was only one unauthorized strike in the Soviet history - around 1962 in the Russian city of Novocherkask, and I don't think the unions were any part of it. The workers spontaneously stopped working and went into the street to protest low wages, rising prices, and empty shelves. It was under Khrushchev, when Stalin's state of perpetual terror had somewhat subsided and the economy began to falter. Yet it was still dangerous to oppose the government in that way. The fact that the workers knew it but did it anyway shows how desperate their condition had become.
They attacked the Party and KGB people, and fraternized with the locally stationed soldiers. So the government sent ethnically non-Russian troops from other places, who shot at the demonstrators and plowed over them with tanks. About 30 people were killed as a result. How many went to prison I don't know. There were no mass protests after that for a very long time.
I have a lot more to say on this but that would probably take writing another serious article. For now, I have discovered an interesting site with the following 30-second videos:
And there's more where it came from!
Red Square
Commissar Obamissar V
A pitchfork is merely the skeleton of a shovel, Comrades.As is visible on this x-ray:
Only this pitchfork is pointed in a directionthat may catch Obama off-guard.
I knew it! Thank you for continuing to promote The Current Truth, Comrade!
Publius Valerius
Citizens,The new "American Gothic"! Sticking it to the working classes!
Publius
That pitchfork might actually make a nice hair pic for the Messiah's new "do".
I was going to tweak this picture in Photoshop a bit ... but damn .. this thing is scary as hell as is, I don't think I could FUBAR it more.
In honoring our 44th US President, the Chia Pet company presents this Special Edition Chia Obama.
Infidel Castrate
In honoring our 44th US President, the Chia Pet company presents this Special Edition Chia Obama.I heard there were comrades who were so insulted by this Chia that they were crying out for Walgreen's to take it off their shelves, so if you want your very own O'Chia, best to get over to Walgreen's asap before these comrades get their way.
Leninka
Infidel Castrate
In honoring our 44th US President, the Chia Pet company presents this Special Edition Chia Obama.I heard there were comrades who were so insulted by this Chia that they were crying out for Walgreen's to take it off their shelves, so if you want your very own O'Chia, best to get over to Walgreen's asap before these comrades get their way.
We should demand they make some Congressional Special Editions as well ... Chia Barney, Chia Schumer, Chia Reed.
I think if they made Chia's for the 2 lunatics below they would be top sellers. No need to keep a big dog in your house for protection. These 2 would keep burglers out of your house.
--
Zampolit Blokhayev
Good News! Exploited, non-unionized, sex worker silenced her capitalist oppressor!--
ZB
But Prince Harry didn't do enough to add to the party's coffers in Nevada...
Brothel sex tax proposal fails:
10/04/2009 - 08:53:04
A US state proposal to levy a $5 tax on sex acts in brothels died in a state Senate committee.
The three to four vote in the Nevada Senate Taxation Committee was one shy of the four needed to keep the proposal afloat.
Committee Chairman Bob Coffin, the Las Vegas Democrat who sponsored the bill, said the state is desperate for revenue and has not collected taxes from prostitution since it was legalized in some rural counties more than 30 years ago.
Senator Mike McGinness, a Rethuglican from Fallon who voted against the tax, said he wouldn’t support a new tax on services.
Mr Coffin estimated the tax would have raised at least $2m a year. Nevada is facing a more than $2.8bn revenue shortfall.
This is obviously setup conducted by Billy Mays to defend his turf as king of infomercials!
Red Square
RED VIKTOR
So the unions were on the wrong end of the "heads must roll"?The unions in the USSR were an arm of the Party - or hand puppets, depending how you look at it.... now, I have discovered an interesting site with the following 30-second videos:
Most Excellent Comrade Red Square! I shall pass this site on to my comrades in The Union!
Gulag 4 Alfred
Zampolit Blokhayev
Good News! Exploited, non-unionized, sex worker silenced her capitalist oppressor!--
ZB
But Prince Harry didn't do enough to add to the party's coffers in Nevada...
Brothel sex tax proposal fails:
10/04/2009 - 08:53:04
A US state proposal to levy a $5 tax on sex acts in brothels died in a state Senate committee.
The three to four vote in the Nevada Senate Taxation Committee was one shy of the four needed to keep the proposal afloat.
Committee Chairman Bob Coffin, the Las Vegas Democrat who sponsored the bill, said the state is desperate for revenue and has not collected taxes from prostitution since it was legalized in some rural counties more than 30 years ago.
Senator Mike McGinness, a Rethuglican from Fallon who voted against the tax, said he wouldn’t support a new tax on services.
Mr Coffin estimated the tax would have raised at least $2m a year. Nevada is facing a more than $2.8bn revenue shortfall.
Interesting history of the "Ranch". In the 90's the owner was cheating on his taxes and the IRS seized the property. It allegedly was actually ran by the US government for awhile.
Seems the definintion of Socialism could have been expanded then to include "the government controls the means of reproduction".
But they couldn't even do that right, but this just proves the government will always find a way to screw you.
http://thelawdogfiles.blogspot.com/2007/08/this-is-exactly-what-im-talking-about.html
Now of course since they can't run a whore house and make money, why should we let them take over the car industry, banking, insurance, housing, and heath care industry?
But why should facts get in the way of a Liberal agenda?
Zampolit Blokhayev
Good News! Exploited, non-unionized, sex worker silenced her capitalist oppressor!--
ZB
I wonder if the hotel staff used Sham Wow to clean up the mess later?
Commissar Obamissar V
Comrade Blokhayev-This is obviously setup conducted by Billy Mays to defend his turf as king of infomercials!
Indeed it is obvious. It makes me wonder if Billy Mays has been through The Party's™ indoctrination program at a KMTC™.
--
Infidel Castrate
Curses...soiled myself once again!
OMGROTFLMAO!
;-)
It shouts while projectile vomiting someone else's slime.
Hat tip to Moonbattery... Even the ultra-Progressives of the PPC of Oregon had a Tea Party- and a pitchfork operator.
Sorry for the redundancy.
 |  |
After all, what was right for mortgages is right for credit cards, right? The world will not be right until we have endured a second financial meltdown.
mi
Barack Hussein Obama commemorates the 90th Anniversary of the Glorious Subbotnik of 1919:Who gets the Red Shovel of the Month, comrades?
Comrade mi,
What an excellent posting! It brought tears to this old zampolit's eyes to see His Holiness, Lenin, participating is valorous deeds of socialist labor!
And to see General Secretary Obama following in the Holy footsteps of Lenin .... it was ... heartwarming. I want to know one thing, though. Where the hell was Rahm Emmanuel? Notice we never see him out amoungst the unwashed masses, shovel in hand. Oh well! He was probably out
--
ZB
Just think of the rapine and raping and theft that are going on still in his name. And now, for your entertainment, in Washington!
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Rudolph publishes auto-biography, says shiny nose still cause for discrimination
Santa's sleigh grounded: PETA files animal cruelty suit against jolly old St. Nick
Al Gore's children receive carbon credits for Winter Solstice Holiday
Adults to Occupiers: there is no socialist Santa Claus; OWS protesters vow to continue demanding free chocolate cookies and milk
EPA to collect carbon tax on coal left in naughty childrens' stockings this Christmas
Carney: new tax on Christians to help improve Christ's image via NEA grants
Obama: this isn't Christmas tax, it's Jizya
Mainstream media exposes Cain's radical ties to Koch-funded abolitionist movement
Dems compromise with Cain, only 10 lashes if he returns to plantation now
White House to impose Chimney tax on Santa Claus
NY Daily News poll asking New Yorkers about Wall Street protesters uncovers glitch in People's Math: 79% want to see 99% kicked out
Democrats to Wall Street Occupiers: We're with you, but please don't harass our biggest donors!
Iran 'will pay a price' for assassination plot: Obama will not bow to Ahmadinejad for minimum of 90 days
Gov't blocks AT&T/T-MOBILE merger, cites "insufficient 2012 campaign donations"
Paul Krugman predicts stimulus package named "Irene" will improve economy this weekend
Republicans block Obama's $420 billion program to give American families free charms that ward off economic bad luck
Opposition wrongfully labels as "vacation" President's plan to join toiling workers in cranberry bogs of Martha's Vineyard
Carney calls Obama vacation 'stimulative,' estimates it will create 4 million jobs
Unemployment promises not to rise until after Obama's vacation
Gorbachev to Obama: 'I too should have abandoned the Communist party earlier'
Obama tours states in long black bus; Biden to follow in short bus
Gaddafi petitions UN to support London rebels, demands resignation of British Prime Minister
Six Flags opens new roller coaster called The Dow Jones
Obama blames Thomas Jefferson for current economic woes; Biden says it's King George's fault
Responding to Oslo shootings, Obama declares Christianity "Religion of Peace," praises "moderate Christians," promises to send one into space
President to interrupt his schedule, go on apology tour to Bible Belt, bow before local Church leaders
Media: Why do Christians hate us?
U.S. Board of Education institutes "Christian for a Day" program in public schools, considers celebrating Christmas
Ridley Scott to remake Kingdom of Heaven, this time portraying Crusaders as a peaceful, moderate group
Taking a page from the Reagan years, Obama announces new era of Perestroika and Glasnost
Progressive dream comes true: Nordic-looking Christian male commits act of terror
Racist NY Times quick to blame Muslims for Norway attack
Experts: new media standard dawns as headlines rush to describe race, color, and religion of Norwegian shooter
Study: Bicyclists have replaced Prius owners as smuggest commuters on Los Angeles freeways
Obama's Regulation Reduction committee finds US Constitution to be expensive outdated framework inefficiently regulating federal gov't
Summer fun looks up! June jobs numbers up from 18,000 new jobs to loss of 26,000 jobs
DNC eyes Romney as possible nominee for 2012
Nancy Grace on Casey Anthony verdict: "Somewhere out there, the devil is dancing tonight." Devil to Nancy: "I haven't danced since Roe v Wade"
Obama's teleprompter unhappy with White House Twitter: "Too few words"
White House admits to falling behind schedule in finding new populist, vapid 2012 reelection slogan
State Department: We're not bombing in Libya; we're only dropping unsolicited instant demolition devices
Obama to Congress: "Unlike me, you're always on vacation. That's what you are but what am I?"
Obama: "We can't cut our way to prosperity, but we sure can spend our way to oblivion
NY approves gay marriage; any moment now straight people expected to take to streets in hissy fit protest, demanding courts to overturn
White House cuts government waste by consolidating all Federal websites into one easy-to-use 'Obama-For-America-2012' website
Obama: 'The American private sector must lead the recovery! That's an order - I just signed it'
Huntsman Who: 'I-m like Reagan - a very, very efficient policy-wonk collectivist technocrat'
Pelosi reverses stance, vows to go hard on Weiner
Study: 60% of New York voters believe that Rep. Weiner had penis planted on him by Republican operatives
Tired of jokes about his name, Rep. Weiner (D) changes it to Whinner
Activists against voter ID discovered to be teens in elaborate scheme to avoid being carded at area nightclub
Harry Reid: 'We believe in a living breathing budget that evolves as society changes - today, tomorrow, the next minute, the next election'
Obama Administration demands secrecy in implementing 'transparent government' policy
Foreign policy mixup leads to Obama's order that helps US
Global happiness index compiled by Peoples Cube researchers shows ThePeoplesCube.com is best and happiest website, has healthiest babies, most bountiful beet harvests, enjoys wisest leader
Babies 'R' Us launches in-crib air traffic controller monitor to put little ones off to sleep
Obama calls new taxes 'spending reductions in tax code.' Elsewhere rapists tout 'consent reductions in sexual intercourse'
Ken Burns' DVD "The Domestic Contingency Operation" #1 on Amazon
As French troops close in on Côte d'Ivoire's President, Code Pink condemns France's 'War for Chocolate'
Seattle school renames Easter eggs 'Spring Spheres'; also renames Passover 'Please don't kill the first born in this house,' and Ramadam to 'Eat after dark, put on 20lbs'
Government shutdown averted, which means the hard-working unionized masses at the IRS will continue, without interruption, to write letters kindly asking citizens to "pay their fair share"
Media Matters reporting: Fox News to execute Glenn Beck next Tuesday
Conde Nast gave $8m to scammer who sent one email; elsewhere, electorate gave four years to scammer who had one slogan
Obama 2012: It's a Kinetic Voter Action, not a reelection campaign
As Japanese workers stuff newspapers into nuclear reactor to stop toxic leakage, questions arise if stuffing nuclear reactor into New York Times might bring similar beneficial results
Jihadists Without Borders rush to aid Libyian rebels
Obama skips trip to Mayan ruins, returns home to visit ruins of America instead
Apple unveils iPad 2.0; Obama unveils Bush 2.0
Biden: US troops in Libya could help save or create thousands of civilian lives
Maintaining two wars while starting a third proves easy for Nobel Peace Prize winner Obama
Mainstream media learns to stop worrying and love the war
NYT: Sometimes war can be the answer
NPR: War with Libya to reduce unemployment and carbon footprint
MSNBC: Counting civilian deaths in Libya too complicated
Obama suggests No-Fly Zone in Libya be modeled on his No-Decision Zone at White House
Nuke workers in Japan take advice from progressives, jam huge piece of regulation into reactor to cool it
Obama to Japanese people: 'Play golf and basketball; problems will go away'
Obama buys fiddle, heads to Rome
Obama's teleprompters unionize, demand collective bargaining rights
Hawaii: Tsunami washes away Obama's birth certficate, forcing Gov. Abercrombie to give up on investigation
Michael Moore: As long as there is anyone with money to shake down, this country is not broke
Libya became the first country to formally recognize rebels' SSauthority in the state of Wisconsin
Meanwhile, Libyan rebels are fleeing after sustained attacks by government employees loyal to Colonel Gaddafi
Rumors of 'rape for food' treatment spread in UN refugee camps for Democrat senators fleeing Wisconsin
Mainstream media to keep up current protest coverage policy in Wisconsin: "See no Union, hear no Union"
Lake Superior renamed Lake Inferior in spirit of tolerance and inclusiveness
Israelis to Egyptian rioters: "don't damage the pyramids, we will not rebuild"
Obama prayer breakfast features environmentally conscious and progressive god, as opposed to evil oppressor god of Bush years
Joe Biden: Egypt protests just a big pyramid scheme
Churchill: We will fight them on the beaches; Reagan: Tear down this wall; Obama: Follow me on twitter
Facebook sponsorship of Arab revolutions questioned by some
Vice President Biden: criticizing Egypt is un-pharaoh
Historical revisionists: "Hey, you never know"
Obama proposes national 'Win The Future' lottery; proceeds of new WTF Powerball to finance more gov't spending
Communist leader and Hu Jintau give joint White House press conference
Abortion horror in Philly: pro-choice activists need to tone down rhetoric
NARAL releases photo of Palin graphic with cross hairs over fetus
China's president calls international currency 'product of the past', wishes to use shiny clam shells
Detroit public schools focus on Green education as students harvest materials from abandoned school buildings to finance Teachers Union benefits
Obama eases Cuba travel: 30 refugees per raft instead of previous 20
Al Sharpton voices concern in the aftermath of New York City blizzard: disproportionate amount of city snowmen are white
New federal entitlement unveiled: all memorials to have Yaqui pray reader
New Democrat plan to enhance civility requires all GOP members to attend professionally managed Republicans Anonymous sessions
MSNBC: Congresswoman being shot in right side of head a proof that violence comes from the right
DHS 'see something, say something' program scrapped due to overload of whistle-blowing tips about DHS and the Obama administration
"No Labels" movement hits supermarkets with disastrous results
Comet and Blitzen refuse to serve with openly gay Dasher and Prancer
ACLU: Christmas tree lighting ceremonies create more terrorists
Obama leaving press conference marks beginning of gradual withdrawal from White House by 2012
Al Qaeda establishes 'Off with their heads' scholarship fund for British students
Jeremiah Wright goes to Stockholm with a sermon 'Sweden's chickens are coming home to roost'
Obama warns Sweden not to jump to conclusions: 'not all suicide bombers are terrorists'
Muslim woman guilty of drunk driving won't remove scarf for jail photo
New York Times sues Wikileaks for unauthorized release of its business model: "We're the ones stealing military secrets!"
Democrat voters frustrated over Wikileaks failure to implicate Bush in stealing Iraqi oil
White House considers launching a Wikidiaper website
 |  | |
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Gibbs: basketball game in which Obama split his lip was started by Bush
Obama names his 12 lip stitches "Mark, Luke, John, Matthew, Paul, Peter..."
Newest TSA slogan "Smell my finger" turns out to be an inside joke
North Korea attacks; American peace groups quickly react by not organizing antiwar marches, not burning DPRK flags, not painting Hitler mustache on effigies of Kim Jung Il, and not chanting "peace now"
Hollywood refuses to brand Kim Jung Il war monger and lying liar, sends Oliver Stone on fact-finding mission
Study: a Google search for body count website listing civilian deaths in Korea brought no results
Study: no Social Security reform will be needed if gov't raises retirement age to at least 814 years
Irish economy in a shambles but who cares; St Patricks day is only 4 months away
Obama to cut Medicare as soon as debt panel finds a way to blame it on Republicans
Aging Democratic Party Politburo refuses to give way to younger apparatchiks
Soros escape pod seen over Los Angeles; clueless Pentagon denies 'action by U.S. adversary,' searches ocean bed for hatches and trap doors
Just in: fall of USSR result of not speaking to people effectively, teleprompters not having been invented yet
Obama to America: "Mumbai is awesome! Wish you were here. Wire money"
Obama's final appeal to voters: Have the courage and integrity to rubber stamp my rubber stamps!
Obama distances from himself in Charlottesville to woo Virginia voters
Juan Williams hired by Fox News to represent liberals; show titled You've seen Juan, you've seen 'em all
Google expands maps and street views to include Google Colonoscopy: zero in on target and get detailed view with few clicks of mouse. New program supported by several gov't agencies, most notably IRS
New polling indicates American voters no longer want change, they just want their money back
Democrats launch "Take Our Jobs" campaign as only seven Americans agreed to vote for them
Obama ends war, blames Iraq car explosions on faulty non-union manufactured spare parts
Democrats pull troops out of Iraq to fight the 'real war' on Christine O' Donnell
In effort to appeal to NOW feminists, Christine O'Donnell changes name to Rosie, gains 400lbs
Obama goes to church, worships self
Study: Obama's threat to butn tax money in Washington 'recruitment bonanza' for Tea Parties
Imam Rauf finds a peaceful solution: 'Move Ground Zero a few blocks away from the mosque and no one gets hurt'
New Yorkers to Rauf: 'move mosque to Mecca; Ground Zero at location can be arranged'
Modernizing Islam: New York imam proposes to canonize Saul Alinsky as religion's latter day prophet
General Petraeus: non-halal meals, uncovered female Americans endanger U.S. troops
U.S. forces in Afghanistan brace for backlash after President's message on Rosh Hashana and Yom Kipur
Cardboard cutouts used to fill empty seats for Obama's appearance as Obama takes credit for creating jobs in cardboard-cutout sector
Taliban commanders warn that a plan to build Ground Zero mosque could provoke violence against their troops and operatives overseas
MSNBC suggests Florida church burn Bible instead of Koran; fewer pages mean smaller carbon footprint
New York Neighbors for American Values offer to voluntarily behead themselves to prove tolerance to Muslims; rabbi Arthur Waskow offers to self-incinerate in oven instead
The U.N. posthumously awards all French military personal that served during May of 1940 a medal for Courageous Restraint
White House revises policy to announce when President is at work instead of announcing when he is going on vacation
Seattle: sonic booms of fighter jets shatter glass, stimulate economy
Obama promises to create thousands more economically neutral jobs
White House: Spanish vacation saved or created 3,427 jobs
Pelosi issues recall of House, citing electoral safety concerns
Obama's lack of cojones a bold-face lie: proof
Elton John Working On Anti-Obama Musical
Congress ceases Pentagon spending, outsources armed forces to China
Shirley Sherrod accepts apology, gets new gov't job in End of Life Counseling
On first visit as Britain's PM, David Cameron chooses a communist state, seeks détente
Report: President Obama to visit the United States in the near future
GOP challengers promise post-racial presidency after 2012
Doctors: Glenn Beck's worsening eyesight and inability to focus give hope he may yet join other media and follow Obama
Parachuting donkey lands into Vice President's desk, continues business as usual
Obama calls on radical groups to comply with rules for radicals
NAACP condemns racism within al Qaeda: 'We don't have a problem with radicals, we have an issue with their acceptance of white Arab supremacists into their organizations'
Obama denies al-Qaeda stimulus money, redirects funds to 'less racist' man-made disaster management organizations
In view of lasting heat wave, all weather forecasts are temporarily replaced with 'An Inconvenient Truth' infomercials
NAACP strongly denounces The New Black Panthers
Caught in another hateful rant, Mel Gibson apologizes to representatives of hurt communities: Russian mail-order bride community, silicone breast-implant community, slutty clothes designer community, Vegas whore community, rapist community, and personally to Al Sharpton
Europe: Oracle Octopus predicts World Cup winner;
USA: Oracle Dodo predicts economic growth
Today's box office: LeBron knixes New York in a suspense thriller The Field of Nightmares (Tax Them and They Won't Come)
In a last-ditch effort to get popular with Americans, Supreme Court nominee Elena Kagan reveals she's a Russian spy, photoshops her face on Anna Chapman's nude photos, wins by a landslide
Portland Tribune to receive Pulitzer Prize for best investigative non-reporting of Al Gore's sexual public service blooper
War on Arizona turns to quagmire; Obama sets timetable on American withdrawal by 2011
MSNBC: Obama's firing McChrystal a positive move to bring long-awaited improvement in oil-spill-affected news coverage
Harry Reid changes name to John F Kennedy in last ditch effort to win re-election
White House spokesman Gibbs clarifies why President's answers to nation's problems seem surreal, bizarre and inappropriate, by comparing reporter's question to a purple polka-dotted people-eater riding a tricycle
Obama: green economy likely to transform America into a leading third world country of the new millennium
President taps Pay Czar for BP payouts to victims: Unions order freighter of champagne
EPA: New climate bill will cost less than a postage stamp a day to those still able to afford a postage stamp
Helen Thomas Gets "Rachel Corrie Golden Bulldozer Award"
Puzzled media: Apparently, Al Gore is pro-drill
Gay Pride parade in Gaza cancels inclusion of Israeli group
Obama blames Bush for screwing up his 'Don't Make Excuses' grad speech in Kalamazoo, Michigan
Helen Thomas to leave US for ancestral Lebanon to no longer be occupier of La Raza's Land
Following phrase scheduled to appear on every Sunday morning news show: 'What Helen actually ment to say was...'
Helen Thomas to be inducted into Museum of Natural History
Obama's Deficit Reduction Commission operating in the red
Al Gore: It's a shame that a family can be torn apart by something as simple as a pack of polar bears
Democrats introduce bill regulating who can be a politician
BP hires Gaza flotilla peace activists to beat oil back into hole
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